I’m pretty sure last night could not have gone worse, even if I’d been trying to sabotage myself. Granted, a few of the things that happened were pretty much out of my control, but still…. It was a total shit show and I’m pretty sure Lyla is never speaking to me again.

The food was terrible, the service was shit. Trace was… well… He was Trace. And Trace is a giant bag of douche. Kyle was fine, right up until Burke left, and then he decides to turn into this completely incoherent jackass. Nothing he said made any fucking sense.

Then, there’s also the fact that Burke just bailed before we even got back with the god damn drinks. The one person I thought I could count on to help me get through this crap fest of a date, and she just takes off without a fucking word. Like, what is that man?

I’m not sure what’s crawled up her ass and died all of a sudden, cause she’s been a hardcore moody bitch, but I am gonna find out why.

However, I’m not going to even bother wasting my time asking her what the hell is up. She’d just sarcastically bullshit her way out of it, so whats the point?

So… I’m going to Kyle. He went after her when she left, so I can pretty much guarantee he knows whats going on. I may actually beat it out of him if I have to.

I walk into Kyle’s apartment and find him sprawled out on his futon, video game controller in one hand, and his eyes glued to the TV. Why am I not surprised?

“Yo.” He mutters, not even glancing in my direction. Clearly, killing zombies or whatever the fuck he’s doing is way more important.

Unfortunately, I already know that if this conversation is gonna go anywhere, I’m gonna have to be a dick. It’s not something I enjoy doing, but it seems to be a necessary evil when it comes to Kyle. I unplug the console and am immediately hit in the back of the head with what I believe is the game controller.

“You son of a bitch…. You just killed me! It’s taken me all day to get to level 48! Now my entire day is wasted!”

“Yes… NOW your day is wasted.” I roll my eyes and ease down next to him. “We need to talk.”

“You know… they make these things called phones for that, but whatever. What kind of girly, emotional, my feelings are important, bullshit are we talking about today?”

“What’d Burke say when she left last night?”

“Oh… umm….” He suddenly becomes fidgety and refuses to look at me. “Nothing really man. I think she was getting sick, or…something. She may have been growing an actual dick, for all I know.”

“Dude, don’t bullshit me.”

“Seriously… it was just Burke being a bitch. Not like that’s something out of the ordinary around here. In case you hadn’t noticed, she isn’t exactly… whats the word… pleasant.”

“She was mad about something. Even Lyla picked up on that and she barely knows Burke!”

“Oh… oh yeah. That… can’t tell ya.”

“She’s mad at me, isn’t she?”

“No… no. It’s nothing.”

“Kyle… I swear to god…. If you don’t tell me what’s wrong with Burke….”

“Don’t get your panties in a wad man. She’s fine. It’s Burke, ok? Irrational anger is kind of her thing.”

“God damnit Kyle… you made me do this.” I sigh and jump up from my spot next to him. I immediately throw an arm around his neck and put him in a pretty shitty head lock. In a matter of seconds, he’s down on his knees, pushing at my arms.

“You’re an asshole and a half man. Let me go!”

“Tell me what Burke’s mad about.” I tighten my hold on him and laugh when he starts to fight against me. “I’m not letting you up till you tell me.”

“She’s mad cause I banged your mom.” His speech is muffled, but I heard that clear as day. Apparently, he thinks I’m joking. I will stand here with his ass in a head lock all day if I have to. I don’t have any plans today.

“Kyle….”

“I can’t breathe, you dick!”

“Tell me.”

“Fine…. Fine.!” He shouts and I finally let him go. “Apparently, she… umm…. ShelikesTrace.” The last few words come out so quick, I can’t even catch them.

“Huh?”

“Yeah man…. She wants to bang Trace. Like… like, really bad. She’s all in love with him and shit. Can’t hardly be around him.”

This is not fucking possible.

Burke doesn’t like anybody. Much less, Trace’s dumb ass.

But, I’m not so sure Kyle is smart enough to make up something this off the fucking wall. I mean, when we were kids, he couldn’t even make up a decent story about why he missed his curfew.

Jesus… maybe… maybe Burke does like Trace.

This is ten kinds of fucked up man.

************************************

So… Burke likes Trace.

As much as I find this disgusting, I’ve decided I’m gonna do something about it. Cause really, if Burke would dress like an actual girl and ya know… wear make up, she might not be all that bad looking. And I can pretty much guarantee, if she’s looking decent, Trace may actually go for it.

And I know that sounds shallow as hell, but Trace goes for looks, first and foremost. He’s a dick. But, if Burke likes him, I’m gonna try to make it happen for her.

“Aren’t we supposed to be like… banned from the garage or something?”

“What? No. I mean, Joe might make us do some shit, but it’s cool.”

“Cool, it is not. I’m on vacation. I am not here to do Kyle and Burke’s job.”

“Yeah, cause you could do the shit Burke does.” I roll my eyes and pull up in front of the garage.

Ok, I know I’m gonna have to do things to talk Burke up to Trace, so maybe pointing out the fact that she’s more man than he is, isn’t such a good idea. How the hell am I supposed to get two people who act like they hate each other together?

We walk inside and find the same scene you’ll find just about every day in this garage. Burke going back and forth between two different cars. Kyle seated on a spare tire, eating a hot pocket. I honestly don’t know how Joe hasn’t fired his ass yet.

The best I can figure, Burke sticks up for him, and I know for a fact, Joe never says no to her.

“That’s a good look for ya, B.” Trace snorts when Burke turns to face us, grease spots all over her face.

“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be in a tree making cookies with the other keebler elves?”

I’m just gonna throw this out there, Burke is really, really shitty at covering up how she feels about Trace. Mocking him is so beyond obvious. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.

“Just came to hang out for a bit…. See if you needed any help with anything?”

“Uhh… nah. I’m actually ahead of schedule, all things considered.” She shrugs, and shoots a dirty look at Kyle, who’s trying to control an extremely long piece of cheese oozing out of his hot pocket.

Before I can respond, an incredibly loud motorcycle pulls up outside the garage and everyone turns to stare. Awesome. If Burke has a bunch of work to do, getting her and Trace to bond is going to be somewhat difficult.

A kind of stocky guy climbs off the bike and removes his helmet, before turning and entering the garage through the main door.

“Oh my fucking god….” Burke inhales sharply and I can’t help but roll my eyes.

She can’t seriously be checking this dude out. Number one, Burke doesn’t check dudes out. Two, if she did… I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t go for the tattooed biker guy thing. I mean, I guess some weird chick would find him attractive, his hairs kinda short and looks like someone had no fucking clue what they were doing with the razor. He’s got a total pedo goatee too.

“Uhhh… B…. he looks kinda… trash-”

“That bike is just… fucking beautiful.” She mutters and heads straight for the… well… I don’t know what the hell it is. I follow her outside and shake my head. She is the weirdest girl on the planet. In a matter of seconds, she’s hunched over, inspecting every inch of the bike.

She walks around it slowly, admiring it like a normal chick would admire an expensive dress.

“B… it’s a bike. What’s the big damn deal?”

“Sometimes, I’m pretty sure you’re a girl.” She laughs and rolls her eyes. “This, my friend, is a Ducati Monster 696. It’s like… the best bike on the market right now, and I’m pretty sure it’s really fucking expens-”

“Actually, it only cost me about eight grand.” I jump at the sound and turn to find Biker man standing right behind Burke. If I’m not mistaken, he just checked out her ass.

Or, maybe I’m just seeing shit. Cause let’s be honest here… Burke is barely even a girl. Maybe Biker guy is gay.

Haha… isn’t that like, the ultimate? A big tough biker dude, who’s actually gay?

“Damn… that‘s not bad.” Burke grins. “It’s gorgeous.”

“Thanks. You ride?”

“I wish.” She giggles and shakes her head. Since when does Burke fucking giggle? “My dad would murder me if I got within ten feet of one, but I always wanted to try it.”

“Looks like your pretty close to this one.” Biker boy smirks. “If your dad shows up, just hop on back and we’ll take off. I’ll protect ya.”

“Yeah, that’d go over real well.” Burke laughs again and shoves her hands in the pockets of her cover alls. “This thing looks brand new, are you bringing it in or…”

“Nah, I’m actually here about the opening.” He smiles and I can see that he is blatantly looking Burke up and down.

See… this dude is a total skeezer.

“We’re not hiring.” The words fall out of my mouth before I can even think about them. But it’s fine. Cause if there was an opening here, Burke surely would have mentioned it.

“Oh? Am I in the wrong place or something? There was an ad in the paper and I thought…”

“Nope. Not hiring. Ever. We hired this retard named Trace awhile back, huge disaster. So, yeah… never hiring ever again.”

“Ignore the idiot. He doesn’t work here, thank Christ. I’m Joe… come on in.”

“Brooks.” Biker guy and Joe shake hands before heading inside and Burke immediately turns to glare at me. What the hell kind of name is Brooks?

“Since when do you give a shit about Pop doing some hiring?”

“I… I don’t. I just… I uhh… don’t wanna see Kyle lose his job for some skeezy biker.”

“Kyle’s not losing his job. Business has picked up and we need the help. Jesus Christ… you’re fucking weird. Shit! Why didn’t you tell me I had grease on my face? I don’t need the new guy seeing me looking like a god damn idiot!” Burke rolls her eyes and heads back inside.

Why does she give a shit how the new guy sees her?

I do not like what is happening here. I do not like it one bit.

*************************

I’m gonna murder Kyle.

I’ll hide the body down by the lake, then skip town before they can find him. Nobody will ever know it was me.

Ok, probably not. But, I could definitely punch him in the face, given the opportunity.

There used to be a time, where I thought Joe Burke was an incredibly smart man. He built his business from the ground up and made it wildly successful, raised a daughter who doesn’t take shit from anyone, everybody in town likes him. That shit doesn’t happen to stupid people.

However, that all changed today when Joe hired the biker guy.

See… if I was running the garage, I would have taken one look at the guy and told him to piss off. He’s creepy looking, and I’m pretty sure he wants to get in Burke’s pants.

Joe makes her leave her bedroom door open when I’m at their house for Christ sake, but he’s totally fine with bringing a dude who looks like a felon in to work closely with his daughter?

What the hell man?

Then, as if I wasn’t already getting weird vibes from this dude, Kyle has to go and invite him to fucking Brewster’s with us.

Brewster’s is our thing damnit. Outsiders are not welcome.

Ok fine… yes, I brought Lyla here, but that’s totally different. She doesn’t look like a criminal.

And of course… he just has to be getting along all great with Trace and Kyle. And Burke has this really stupid look on her face anytime she looks in his direction. She’s laughed at all of his jokes, that weren’t even funny, mind you.

“I did this charity ride a couple months back, and I’m telling you… it was the coolest shit I’ve ever done. Like, I’m good any time I get to ride for the hell of it, but to get to do it, and know that it’s actually doing something good for someone… it’s just… can’t even describe it man.” Brooks nods and takes a sip of his beer.

“Which charity?”

“St. Jude’s Childrens cancer research.”

I call bullshit. I bet he was doing time, and uses the charity ride story to cover it up. I watch Law and Order. Criminals lie all the time.

“Dude… that is awesome. For real.” Kyle nods seriously. “Joe’s always trying to figure out a way for us to get into charity work, but nothing’s come up so far.”

“I’ve got a couple friends at St. Jude’s, I can always make some calls and set something up man.”

“Oh my god… Pop would love that.” Burke grins.

I swear to Christ, these three are gonna start a Brooks the biker fan club.

But, it’s totally fine. I’m not buying the biker with a heart of gold thing.

I’m way too smart for that.