As Leah watched her grandmother's casket being lowered six feet into the ground, she took in her surroundings. Her parents, holding hands, her mother crying hysterically. Her aunt Lorraine, dabbing her eyes with a piece of tissue. She looked beyond her family, and friends, and at all of the other graves in the cemetery. It was really sad, how many graves there were, it reminded Leah of just how many people died. There were so many graves filled with someone's mother, father, sister, brother, child, grandmother. Imagine how many people have lost someone so close to them so unexpectedly. One minute they were here, the next they were gone. Just like that. She thought that Nana would always be there, never had she imagined that she would just die, it was odd really. When someone close to you dies. It's like, they were there all along, your whole entire life, they had been there for you to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, and now they were gone. You'd never see that person again. There's always the memory of them, but they're gone.

Nana was the closest person to Leah, and now she wasn't here anymore, yet Leah hadn't shed a tear through the whole entire funeral service not when she saw her Nana's cold lifeless body, not when Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men performed their song "One Sweet Day", and not even when Jill called her up and told her a week ago. In fact, she hadn't cried at all. It's not like she didn't love Nana- she loved her more than anything in the whole entire world- and it's not like she was happy that she was gone- in fact the very opposite- she just didn't cry, and she didn't know why. She was numb. She didn't want to come off as some cold heartless person, but she was numb. She was taking it differently than everyone else. Maybe it was because she wasn't extremely close with her family, and other than having Nana to talk to she pretty much bottled all of her feelings up inside.

A cold wind blew, and Leah looked past the minister, and at the few dead leaves that were being swept away by the January wind. His words went in one ear and out the other. She didn't know what was wrong with her, but she felt nothing, absolutely nothing. It was all so bizarre really. Here she was at her grandmother's funeral, that was her casket right in front of her. She never thought she's see this day come. She knew that Nana's was sick, but still, it's hard to imagine that the one you love could just die... just like that. It seemed like just yesterday that Nana had knitted her and Jill a special quilt when they were five and six, and they would cuddle togther with the quilt while they watched Winnie the Pooh. It seemed like just yesterday, when she was fourteen years old, and it was the night before her first day on "The Mickey Mouse Club", and she was so nervous, and couldn't sleep, so she stayed up all night and Nana gave her comforting advice. And now she was here... at her funeral.

After the burial, everyone gathered at Leah's family's house, sharing stories and fond memories of their time with Nana. Not in the mood to socialize, Leah went upstairs, and into her Nana's room. There it was, it was like a picture; it had been months since Leah had last visited, but it still looked exactly the same. The bed was made up, the TV was turned off, and all of Nana's belongings were still in the room, as if she still occupied the space. Leah shivered as she stepped into the room. She felt like Nana could walk in any second, and things would go back to normal. She wished things would go back to normal. If anything else happened, Leah was afraid that she just might snap. Out of the corner of her eye, Leah spotted something that caught her attention. She walked over to Nana's sewing machine, and picked up what looked to be an unfinished quilt from the slide plate. It was a cotton Cerulean quilt with Yellow roses all over, with her, Jill, and Aiden's names embroidered in the middle. With the quilt still in hand, Leah sat down on the queen sized matress. She sniffed the soft blanket, it smelled of Lavender; just like Nana smelled, or used to smell. She smiled a sad smile and looked around the room. Suddenly this place didn't seem so scary to her anymore. Why had she been so afraid of this place, her home? What was it that made her want to run, and never return? She felt so stupid now. For the longest she had been rejecting this place like it was some sort of flesh eating disease. She was so selfish, never realizing how much her family needed her. How much Nana needed her. This was her home, where she belonged. And all of this time, she'd been trying to run from it.

Taking her from her thoughts, Leah hear a small knock on the door. She lifted her head to see her sister, Jill. "Hey Sis." Jill greeted, before walking in and sitting next to Leah on the bed. Leah laid her head on Jill's shoulder. About a week ago, this is something that Leah would never feel comfortable doing, but in the midst of all of this comotion something between them had happened. Since their parents had been too distraught to plan Nana's funeral, Leah, Jill and Aiden all had to come together, put their differences aside and plan the funeral themeselves. They all seem to agree that they would do what was best for Nana, and fulfill all of her dying wishes. They made sure her farewell was fit for a queen. Her service was held in the same church she got married in, her casket was topped with white lilacs, and Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men performed "One Sweet Day". She had a large black immaculate headstone with a picture of her twenty one year old self in the middle in black and white, and her epitaph read:

Leah, Jill, and Aiden made sure every little detail was how Nana would have wanted it. They even had her buried right next to her husband.

Leah and Jill sat in a comfortable silence, taking everything in; the way the room looked, how it smelled, remembering a much simpler time, before things got so complicated. For years, Leah actually disliked her sister, almost to the point of hating her. They never saw eye to eye, and she often felt like Jill wished she were never born. But since Nana died, the two became closer than ever, almost like they were little kids again. Her only wish was that it wouldn't have taken something so tragic to bring her closer to her sister, she wished Nana had lived to see the day that they both really and truly got along. Lifting her head from Jill's shoulder, Leah held up the quilt. "I found this," she stated. "It was in Nana's sewing machine." She explained, handing the unfinished quilt over to Jill so that she could see it. When Jill's eyes met the quilt, she gasped in surprise, and tear fell down her cheek. She stared at it a few moments before she spoke.

"You know what this mean Leah." Jill said, her fingers strokingthe soft fabric. "Nana remembered us!" Jill cried. "She actually remembered who we were!" Leah heart began to pound at the sudden realization. A month ago, the Alzheimers got worse, and she actually forgot who she was, so I was pretty sure she forgot everyone else. But she started working on this about two weeks ago, so that means she remembered who we were!"

"Oh my God." Was all Leah could say. It hurt that Jill knew more about Nana's condition before she died then Leah did herself. She always felt like she was special, like she was Nana's favorite, but she didn't even know how Nana was doing before she died. Did she even care? She was way too wrapped up in her own drama to give her mother a call to check on Nana. Leah was more ashamed of her now than she had ever been before. She was a horrible person. Before Leah could speak again, there was another knock on the door. This time it was Aiden.

"I don't know how people can eat at a time like this." He stated, walking in the room and sitting next to Jill.

"Look what Nana made." Jill responded. She handed the quilt over to Aiden. Taking the quilt in his hands, he looked it over. A smiled spread acroos his face. "Why are you smiling?" Jill asked dumbfounded. She felt like if they were happy at a time like this, then it would betray their grandmother. They weren't suppose to be smiling, they were supposed to be sad.

"Because, now I can sleep at night knowing that Nana passed away knowing who we were. She may have had Alzheimers but she never forgot us." Aiden explained.

"Oh my God," Jill muttered.

"What about mom?" Leah asked. "Is she going to be okay. I mean dad left, and now Nana's dead. How is she going to handle all of this. She's needs us now more than ever."

"Well, school starts back next week, so I can stay until then." Jill answered.

"I'm pretty sure that I can take some time off from the hospital." Aiden, who was a resident at hospital in Chicago piped up.

"I have some business meetings next week in New York, that I can't get out of, but after that, I can fly back here." Leah explained.

"And Aunt Lorraine said that she and Zoe and Gia could stay." Jill added.

"I can't believe that this is even happening. I can't believe Nana's gone." Leah stated.

"Neither can I." Aiden replied. A few moments went by before any of the siblings said anything.

"What time is it?" Leah asked.

"Six o'clock." Jill answered. "Why?"

"I have to start packing soon."

"You're leaving already?" Aiden asked.

"I'm sorry, I have to. Like I said, meetings that I absolutely can't get out of. If I could I would. But soon as I'm done, I'm back here I promise."

"I understand." Aiden replied.

"Thanks." Hopping up from the bed, Leah went to her room, and got out her suitcase to start packing. She hated to leave her family, she knew they needed her, but work kept her away. This is the part where she wanted to kick herself in the ass. Growing up she always wanted to be a "popstar" who traveled the world. Mostly because she got to do what she loved, she got to make music, and make people happy. But also because she got to be anywhere but home. She wanted to get away from her family. And now, that she actually not only wanted, but needed to be with her family, and stick by their side, she couldn't be. Be careful what you wish for right?

Hearing footsteps, she turned to see Jill entering her room. "I don't want you to leave." Jill declared.

Leah sighed. "Jill, I told you that I have to leave. I don't want to leave, but I have to leave. I know that we need to be together at a time like this, and I soon as I can I'll be right back here, I promise."

"I'm more concerened for you." Jill replied honestly.

"Me?" Leah asked confused, turning to look her sister in the face.

"Yes you. You were the one that was closest to Nana out of all of us. I know this must be killing you." Jill answered. "And I know we were never close, so I know you put your guard up whenever you're around me." She added.

"I'm numb." Leah responded honestly. "I can't help it, but I'm numb. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say."

"It's okay." Jill reassured her, putting her hand on Leah's shoulder. No, it's really not okay, Leah thought.

"I'm worried about Mom. I don't know what to say to her to make her feel better. Whenever I'm around her things get so awkward. I mean what do you say, 'don't cry, she's in a better place now?' Because I hate it when people say that, it's like it doesn't stop you from hurting.."

"I know right?" Jill agreed. "But there's nothing you can say to Mom to make her feel better, you just have to let her heal."

"Yeah I guess you're right." Leah concurred. Silence descended upon the sisters. Usually being back in her old room, would give Leah an uncomfortable feeling, and she was desparate to escape it, but now, she wanted to just jump in her bed, crawl up under the covers and never come out. She wished she could lay in that bed, until she was a kid again. She would do everything all over again. She would try to get along with her mother, and her sister. She would stop running away from her problems, and she would take better care of Nana. Maybe if I took better care of her, she'd dtill be here with me, Leah thought sadly to herself. " I should get going." She spoke up, barely above a whisper.

"I'll drive you to the airport." Jill replied.

*************

Stepping into her apartment, Leah hung her coat up on the coat rack, and took off her magenta beret. She didn't feel like carrying her suitcases all the way upstairs, and to her room, so she left them by the door. Expecting her apartment to be cold, she was surprised to find it warm, and all of the lights were on. That's funny, I specifically remember turning everything off before I left. It was almost as if she'd never left. Like someone had been living there while she was gone. Leah became hesitant, she had a fear of the unknown. Had someone broken in? Great, that was all she needed. Leah proceeded towards her living room two steps at a time in fear and trepidation. She could hear her heart beating louder and louder with every step she took. Once in her living room she saw a dark haired guy sitting on her couch. He turned his head, and his blue eyes locked with her green ones. Leah let out a sigh of relief when she saw that it was only JC. She had forgotten that she had given him a spare key when she had first moved into her apartment, he very rarely used it.

"Josh you scared me. What are you doing here?" Leah asked.

"Sorry, I missed the funeral, I couldn't make it back in time, so I decided to come here." JC explained.

"Josh, you didn't have to do that." Leah replied, sitting down next to him on the couch.

"You would do it for me." JC said. It was true, she would do it for him in a heartbeat. "So how are you holding up?" He asked.

"I don't know." She answered honestly. She kicked off her boots, and propped her feet up on the couch, and laid her head in JC's lap. He stroked her hair, just like he used to do whenever she was feeling down. In that very moment, it was as if things had changed between them. Everything that had happened between them before, no longer mattered. What mattered was, that JC was with her when she needed him the most. "I didn't cry." Leah stated. "Can you believe that? My grandmother's dead and I didn't even cry."

"It's okay Babygirl." JC responded. Leah sat up and looked at him.

"Damn it! Why does everyone keep saying that? It's not okay JC!" Leah said, raising her voice a bit. "The most important person in the world to me was just buried, and I did not shed one single fucking tear! Who does that?" Leak asked in disbelief, her voice now cracking. "I am such a bad, bad, cold hearted, sick person." Leah cried, tears now rolling down her cheeks.

"Hey, don't be be so hard on yourself." JC turned to face her, and wiped the tears from cheeks. He embraced her in a hug as she began to cry.

All of Leah's emotions suddenly hit her just like a brick. She realized, her grandmother, the one person that she loved the most in this world was gone, and she was never coming back. There was nothing she could do to fix this, and that feeling was so overwhelming.

Holding Leah in his arms, it hurt him to see her so hurt. He wished that he could just take all of her pain from her. He hated that there was nothing he could do to make this all go away. His heart broke for her.

Leah cried in JC's arms for what felt like an eternity. She felt all of this pain. It was sadness mixed with anger, mixed with guilt, and she just wanted it all to go away. She would do anything to no longer feel this pain, she wished she could escape. Sitting up, she wiped the tears from her face.

"Do you need anything?" JC asked her, concerned.

"I need you." Leah answered, her voice eerily distant, and hoarse from crying

"Okay, I'm here, what do you need?" JC asked.

"I need you." Leah repeated, putting an emphasis on the word 'you'.

"Oh." Was all that JC said. A moment went by, as JC kept replaying in his mind what she had said. JC was shocked when it finally dawned on him what she actually meant. "Oh! You mean..." JC trailed off, stunned at her request. Leah nodded her head.

"I want you Josh." She blinked.

Was now the time for that? His bestfriend was in mourning, and he didn't want to take advantage of that, but at the same time, he didn't want to reject her, in her emotional state. He felt like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"Leah." JC said, looking her dead in her eyes. They were swollen and red from the tears she had cried. "Are you sure?"

"Josh... I just need to get away, if only for a moment, I need for time to just stop. Ugghh...I just... It's just, the pain that I feel inside is so unbearable. I just need you to make that go away, just for a little while. Can you do that for me?" Leah pleaded, looking up at him. JC hated this, he hated that she was hurting like this, and would do anything, anything in the world to make her feel better. But was this right? He knew he shouldn't, but he hated saying no to her. Looking into those green eyes of hers, they practically screamed 'Help Me!' His head was telling him one thing, and his heart was telling him another.

"Yes." JC finally answered. "C'mon, let's go upstairs."

z88;