“You should lose some weight.”

Those words had been ringing heavily in her ears.

“Image is important. And to be blunt, you’re fat.”

Did she really look that bad? Leah knew how superficial this business could be, so it shouldn’t have come as a shock, but it was still a little unsettling. Especially coming from Rob. He was supposed to be her A&R guy, not her publicist. He was supposed to judge her music, not her body. She didn’t know what hurt worse; the fact that he told her, or the fact that he did it front of everyone. And they seemed to agree with him too; well they didn’t exactly say anything but their silence spoke volumes.

As a million thoughts raced through her mind, it felt like forever before she finally got to her car. Once she was within the confines of her Range Rover, she rested her head on the steering wheel. Squeezing her eyes shut tightly, she tried to steady her breathing to prevent an anxiety attack from coming on.

“Look these songs are amazing, they’re hits, but no one’s going to even be remotely interested if you look like that…”

The more she tried to shake what he had said, the harder it hit her. As her chest began to heave in and out, the tears had finally fallen. Not because of the oncoming crop of pop girls, or whoever, but because she had allowed her confidence to be so easily shaken. After working so hard on her music, and feeling so good about her work, she had been reduced to nothing in only a matter of minutes.

“This is what you need to get back to,” Rob said, pointing to the wall, at Leah’s platinum plaque of her first album. She was 19, contoured, airbrushed, and a size 2. She’d hardly recognized herself. She couldn’t be that Leah again, she refused to be that girl again: lost, Bulimic, and miserable.

Leaning her head back against the head rest, Leah slowly wiped her tears. She didn’t even know why she was disappointed. Rob wasn’t her friend; he was her A&R guy. It wasn’t his job to coddle her and tell her everything she wanted to hear. He was supposed to tell her what everyone else thought, but was too nice to say. He didn’t care about her feelings. But still, it wasn’t personal; he probably told Pink and Shakira the same things. She was a product; nothing more than an interchangeable object.

As Leah sat in silence her thoughts weighed heavily on her. Was she really fat? Sure, she had gained maybe a little weight, but had it really been that bad? She wore a size six. She didn’t think that she was that big, but maybe she could be wrong. Maybe she had in fact gotten a little too comfortable with herself. Lifting up her shirt, she began to grip her stomach, checking for imaginary rolls of skin. “Stop,” she said aloud. “Do not do this to yourself.”

She knew she was being ridiculous. Playing the same mind games with herself that she used to when she was a teenager. She wasn’t fat and she knew it. Not by normal standards anyway, but industry standards were different. She knew that anything bigger than a size two was unacceptable, and if she wasn’t willing to change, she might as well get in line at the unemployment office.  

When she had finally found herself, and thought to have had some inner peace, she was being accused of losing who she was. And just as she felt like she was finally pulling herself together, she was being told that she let herself go.

“Shit,” she sighed, wiping away the last of her tears, as she felt a headache coming on. All she wanted was for this day to be over. At least she’d be going home to the most amazing man ever.

Just as the thought crossed her mind, Leah had heard the vibration of her cell phone. Pulling the Blackberry out her purse, she smiled at the name that appeared on the screen. “Hello?”

“Hey, how’d your meeting go?” JC asked.

“Ugh, I don’t even want to talk about it,” Leah sighed trying to mask the fact that she had been crying.

“Are you okay?” JC asked, sensing that something was wrong by the tone in her voice.

“I’ll be fine,” Leah replied, turning the key in the ignition and starting up the car.

“Well whatever it is, just let it go, don’t let it mess with your head.”

“I’m trying not to.”

“Do you need me to kick someone’s ass?” JC asked, which cause Leah to burst out laughing, even though he was serious, which is why it was funny. And touching.

“No Baby, don’t worry about it, I’m good,” Leah assured him, smiling.  

“I’ve got your back, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks, Jace.”

“I love you, hurry home.”

“Believe me, I will. I’m on my way, love you, ‘bye” she said, before she hit the end button, and tossed her phone in the passenger seat. Clearing her mind of the day’s previous events and how terribly wrong her meeting had gone, now, her only mission was making it home to the loving and understanding arms of her man. And nothing could get in the way of that.

As Leah began to pull out of her parking space, the skies had turned grey. Lightning had struck and thunder began to crackle loudly through the sky. Soon after, the rain began to heavily pour down, without letting up. “Fuck my liiiiiife,” Leah groaned, before turning on her windshield wipers.

An hour and a half later, Leah had finally made her way home, after being stuck in rain and traffic, and trying to bob and weave through the sea of paparazzi cars. She was drenched, and exhausted, and freezing, to say the very least. As soon as she stepped foot through the door, she heard a now familiar barking as Maisie, the jet black teacup maltipoo that JC had gotten for her birthday, raced toward her. “Hey, Girlie!” Leah said, her face instantly lighting up at the presence of her baby. “I hope your day was better than mine,” she said, bending down to rub the maltipoo’s ears. Maisie panted in contentment.

“Hey you finally made it,” Leah looked up to see JC coming towards her, towel in hand. “And you’re soaked.” He was always there, taking care of her. Just looking at him instantly made her forget about everything else.

“Yeah, just my luck to get caught in the rain,” she sighed, as he enveloped her in a hug, while wrapping the towel around her torso. It felt really good to be in his arms, even if she was freezing and soaking wet.

“Bad day?” He asked, before placing a kiss atop her head.

“Mmhmm,” Leah replied, her voice muffled by his chest. Maisie danced anxiously around their ankles.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No,” she pouted. That’s the last thing that she wanted to do. “I’m fine really, just having an off day. I’m gonna go upstairs and get out of these wet clothes.” Leah said, turning away from him and heading upstairs.

After calming her nerves, and swapping her wet clothes for a pair of boy shorts and one of JC’s Redskins jerseys, Leah headed back downstairs. She was instantly met with the aroma of orange chicken when reached the bottom.

 “Since we both know I can’t cook, I decided on the next best thing,” JC said when he saw Leah entering the living room. “I got all your favorites.” He patted the spot next to him on the couch, motioning for her to join him.

“You seriously are the best,” Leah said plopping down next to him.

“I try,” JC replied, handing her a fork and a box of orange chicken and vegetable fried rice.

Leah leaned back against the arm of the couch, and propped her feet up onto JC’s lap. For the rest of the day, the two spent their time together on the couch eating, laughing and ordering movies from pay-per-view. Dude, Where’s My Car?, American Pie, and Rush Hour were the perfect distractions. JC really was amazing. Words couldn’t even express how she felt right now. Here she was having this crappy day, and he does something as simple as ordering out, and watching her favorite movies with her. He could read her without any verbal communication, and always knew what she needed. She was more than lucky to come home to him every day.

“So, are you ever gonna talk about what it is that’s bothering you?” JC asked, breaking her from her train of thoughts. She was now lying against his chest, while he combed his fingers through her damp hair.

Was she? She knew that starting over with JC meant that she’d be completely honest with him about everything that was going on in her life. No more hiding. She’d made a promise that she wouldn’t try and deal with her problems on her own anymore, because now she wouldn’t have to; he was there. She should tell him, and she would tell him, but just not now. Everything was going great, and she just wanted to be in the moment.

“I will,” Leah finally responded. “When I’m ready.”

“I’ll be here,” JC said assuring her.

And she knew he would be. There was no doubt in her mind about that. The problem lied in the fact that she struggled in her ability to be completely open. Something she’d have to work more on. But right now, she was just grateful that JC was everything that she needed him to be, and she couldn’t thank him enough for that.