We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally "
-P!nk
"So, when's the last time you've talk to or seen your mom?" JC asked Leah over the phone, while he layed back on his bed, watching Star Wars for the hundreth time.
"About two years ago." Leah replied nonchalantly, sitting down on her couch in her living room.
"Leah." JC scolded.
"I know JC, I know it's bad."
"Yeah, it is bad. You need to reconicle with your mother, before this whole thing gets out of hand." JC said.
"Whatever 'it" is." Leah responded.
"Yeah, what is "it"? What happened between the two of you that you haven't spoken in so long?" JC asked curious about the rift between Leah, and her mother, Gabrielle.
"Like I've told you a million times in the past nine years that we've known each other, my mother is insufferable! She just doesn't get it. She still thinks uthat I'm wasting my life, that this- living my dream- won't last forever!" Leah explained.
"Even after you've made it, she still doesn't support you?" JC asked in disbelief.
"No." Leah said, a lump forming in her throat. Sure, Leah and her mother didn't see eye to eye, but at the end of the day, she was still her daughter, and she still needed a mother's love.
"Maybe you should have an open discussion with her." JC suggested.
"Maybe, but I highly doubt it. It's Gabrielle's way, or the highway."
"She just needs to understand that you're just as successful as Jill and Aiden. You're independent, and you're living your dream, you get to do what you love every single day, and not many people get to say that. She needs to realize that, and accept you for who you are." JC said, comforting his friend, when she was in need.
"You're so good at this." Leah replied, now smiling.
"What?" JC asked.
"Helping me through a crisis as usual."
"Well, what do you expect me to do, allow you to cry and wallow in self pity? It's what friends do!"
"And you're a good one."
"No worries babe. Now, get your butt on the next plane to Louisville, and go spend the holidays with your family!" JC said.
"The holidays? Christmas and New Years. That's over a month!"
"Fine. You have to walk before you can run. I'm begging you to at least spend Thanksgiving with your family. It's one dinner." JC compromised.
"Fine. One dinner." Leah agreed.
"Do it for Nana." JC reasoned. That put things in a totally different perspective. Nana, was getting older, and she was sick. She had alzheimer's. Leah hadn't seen her in so long, that she felt guilty. If it weren't for Nana, she wouldn't come home at all.
"Thanks, JC. I gotta get going, I'm gonna start packing. I'll be out of here in the morning." Leah said, a tear now rolling down her cheek.
"Remember, it's just one dinner, okay?" JC reminded her. "Call me when you get home."
Leah cringed at the word home. To her, New York was home. She knew that sounded bad, but Lousiville, Kentucky just held too many bad memories for her. "I'll call you as soon as I get home."
"Bye Leah."
"Bye JC", Leah rang off.
I can do this, Leah thought to herself. I'm doing this for my Nana. Leah walked to her bathroom, and packed all of her necessary toiletries. She then walked to her connecting master bedroom, and over to her walk-in closet and packed just enough outfits for the time she would be spending with her family, no more. She called her manager, to notify her that she would be going home, for the holiday. Leah then locked up her apartment, and headed for the airport.
Outside of Louisville International airport, Leah scanned the parking lot. She heard a honking horn, and craned her neck to see her sister, Jill enthusiaticlly waving her down. Oh joy, they sent Jill, Leah thought to herself. She wheeled her one suitcase (yes one, for a change), towards her sister's brand spanking new silver 2001 Mercedes-Benz C-Class. "Hey Leah, over here!"
Leah walked across the parking lot, towards her sister, dreading every step she made. Boy, this is going to be a long weekend. Leah thought as she placed her one suitcase, and purse in the backseat, and then sat in the front. "Hey girl, how's it going?!" Jill asked in the phoniest most annoying voice ever. Since when did she speak like a Valley Girl? Leah's guess was after her trip to Malibu, with her lawyer fiance.
"Fine." Leah replied. She wanted to say as less as possible, because whenever she and Jill got together, the ever competitive Jill always started a round of 'I'm more successful than you are'. Why should they have to compete?
"How was your flight?" Jill asked, pulling out of the parking lot.
"It was pretty good."
"Great. So, I was thinking that when we get home I could catch up with my favorite-est sister in the world!" Jill exclaimed, awfully chipper for it to be six am.
Oh really, because from what I recall I was quote 'The Jan to her Marsha, I didn't really matter. No one would remembered me!' Leah wanted to yell. "Sure", she replied instead. The car ride was otherwise silent, that is until Jill put her Milli Vanilli C.D. in the C.D. player. Oh God, kill me now. Leah silently prayed. Jill sang along to "Baby Don't Forget my Number", adding so many unnecessary riffs, and runs.
"You know, I really should have gotten all of those solos in choir, instead of you!" Jill said, over the loud music. Where did that even come from? Leah just tossed her sister a look that read 'Please not now'.
"Just saying." Jill said matter of factly, turning into the Highlands area, where their parents lived. Leah pressed her head to the cool window, not having enough energy to fight with her sister. Not having enough energy to fight with her mother. She'd been fighting them almost her whole life, and she was tired of it. They'd drained her mentally, and emotionally, and she was sick of it. As a matter of fact, this whole enitre situation was sick. The fact that she hadn't seen or talked to her mother, or sister in two and half years was sick. The fact that they were fighting was sick, they shouldn't be fighting, they're family for crying out loud! Leah didn't even fight her enemies this hard. The fact that Nana, was sick, but Leah stayed awayed, not wanting to put up with her insufferable mother, was thr worst thing of all. How could she be so selfish? She should've been there for her Nana, the one true person in her family who she depended on to be strong, and now she was there for Nana to depend on.
Besides, Nana, she got along pretty good with her father. But it wasn't always like that. Her relationship with her father, was just like her relationship with her mother, up until four years ago. Her father, Daniel, showed up at her nineteenth birthday, in New York, and asked to spend the day with his daughter. They caught up over breakfast, and put the past behind them, they spent the rest of the day crying, and lauging,and having the time of their lives. Ever since that day, they'd been nearly inseperable. Her brother Aiden, however was a different story. She's almost never fought with Aiden, he was more into himself, and didn't care about what anyone else did. He didn't put up the energy to fight. He just went to school everyday, played Soccer, and came home and minded his own business. So all in all. Her family was pretty disconnected from one another.
Leah let out a long sigh, and looked out the window, at all of the giant houses, on big hills. The Highlands, where Leah grew up, was one of the fanciest areas in all of Lousiville, everyone lived in a big house where everyone was either a Lawyer or a politician. Everyone at least drove a Mercedes, and had a swimming pool in their backyards. Nothing ever happend there. The Highlands was it's own safe little world, no one ever got in, it seemed, and no one ever left. The Highlands were the definition of boring. She never thought she'd make it out. That was until her parents announed that they were relocating to Florida, where her father would take a position at a law firm in Orlando.
Orlando! Leah remembered thinking. That's where Disney World is! Ever since they had gone for Jill's twelth birthday, Leah had been obsessed. When they made the move from Louisville to Orlando, Leah made a promise to herself that she would embrace Orlando, and take every opportunity that came her way. That's when she found out about The All-New Mickey Mouse Club auditions! She auditioned, got picked for the show, and that's how she met JC Chasez, her bestfriend of the past nine years.Getting picked to be a Mouseketeer was the absolute best thing that had ever happened to her at that point in her life. She would finally have something that would set her apart from her siblings. Sure she made straight A's and was in Show Choir, and was on the Dance team, but that was nothing compared to Aiden skipping an entire grade, and becoming MVP of his soccer team. Or over achiever Jill who took all honors, and advanced classes, was Student Council President, on the school newspaper, in yearbook committee and was the captain of her field hockey team! But this, this would set her apart from her siblings for sure! She would be on the Disney Channel for the whole world to see! Finally her parents would be proud of her.
"Honey, can't you find something more important to do, then all of that frivoulous dancing and singing? There's a one in e a million chance that you'll ever be the next Madonna, so don't waste your time. Besides, you're going to an Ivy League remember? Don't lose focus." Gabrielle had said. And that just about crushed her. That's when she finally realized; Nothing she did would ever be good enough for her parents. In their eyes she wasn't good enough, and that was that. She would never be loved and accepted for who she was, and she had come to accept it. From that day on, she made a promise to herself, that if she couldn't prove to her parents how good she was, then she would prove to the world how good she was. All she had was four more years until she was eighteen, then she would be out of that house, and never have to see them again.
"Here we are!" Jill exclaimed, snapping Leah back into the present. Jill pulled into the circular driveway, and put her car in park. The sisters got out of the car, and Leah got her luggage from the backseat. "Mom, Dad, we're home!" Jill announced, opening the front door.
"Oh Jill honey, hi!" Gabrielle James greeted, embracing her eldest daughter in a hug, a smile on her face, and an apron around her waist. The mother and daughter hugged in a strong embrace that seemed warm and loving. After Gabrielle and Jill broke their hug, Gabrielle then made her way towards her youngest child. Both Leah and Gabrielle just stared at each other in awkward silence. Their eyes locking. Should they hug? What was there to say after all of this time? They both wondered.
"Hello, Leah." Gabrielle said simply, breaking the silence.
"Hi mom." Leah replied, uneasily, giving a small wave of her hand. Gabrielle then made her way toward her youngest child, and reached her arms out. Gabrielle embraced Leah into a very distant, and awkward hug. The two quickly separated. "Um, so where's dad?" Leah asked.
"Oh, he just went to Kroger, he'll be back in a second." Gabrielle answered, looking past Leah, and out of the living room's bay window.
"At six thirty in the morning?" Leah questioned. "Mom, none of the stores around here open until at least 7:00." She knew she'd been away for a minute, but the stores have been opening at 7:00 every morning, since before she was even born, and Kroger wasn't even three blocks away, so she knew it didn't take half an hour to get there and back.
"Well, you know the store hours have been changed. Things are different now." Gabrielle replied.
"On Thanksgiving? Kroger's opens super early on Thanksgiving? Since when?"
"Leah, stop." Gabrielle warned, a stern look on her face. Leah stopped dead in her tracks. Why? Why did she have to go and question her mother, they're relationship was like walking on eggshells! She didn't know what to say or not say around the woman!
"Okay mom, I just thought it was a bit odd." Leah reasoned.
"Leah you never backed down from an argument. I've always said that you should've been a lawyer." Gabrielle stated, changing the subject. Let the games begin! Leah thought to herself sarcastically.
"So, where's Nana?" Leah asked, switching the subject again.
"She's upstairs in her room." Gabrielle replied. With that, Leah raced upstarirs, luggage in hand, and placed her suitcase and purse in "her room", and then walked three doors down to her Nana's room. The door was half open, and a smile crept upon her face at the sight of Nana sitting in her rocking chair contently watching "The Sound of Music". That was their thing. Their special thing that they always did together. They always watched "The Sound of Music" when Leah was growing up. Although she didn't really miss anything about "home", she could honestly say that she did miss watching the classic musical with Nana.
Leah softly knocked on the cherry wood door, and walked in. "Hi Nana!" Leah cheered, her heart feeling warm and full.
"Who are you?" The woman in the rocking chair asked, with a confused look on her face. The smiled faded from Leah's face, and her heart that was once full, had now been bursted, and was empty.
"It's me Nana, your granddaughter. You remember me right? Daniel and Gabrielle's daughter, the youngest." Leah described.
"Oh Leah, that's right. I'm sorry honey, I forget things sometimes, but of course I remember you. How could I not?" Nana replied. Leah smile returned, this time a bit weary. Nana wasn't like this before. The last time she saw her, she was a normal healthy woman. Now it's like she wasn't even in her right mind. Leah wanted to bust out in tears right then and there. How could it be that the one person who she loved most in the world didn't even remember who she was.
"It's okay Nana!" Leah smiled, and then wrapped her arms around the woman. She sat down on Nana's bed, and watched "The Sound of Music" with her. As she sat on the soft Queen sized mattress, trying to feel that old nostalgic feeling again, she couldn't. She wanted to pour her heart out to Nana, and tell her about the thing that happened in her life, about Tyson, about her career and how sometimes she felt like just giving up. But she couldn't. Now, Nana needed her, more than she needed Nana. She didn't get that amazing nostalgic feeling when Julie Andrews sang "My Favorite Things", or when The von Trapp children learned to sing. It just wasn't there anymore, so much had changed. Things would never be the same, this was no longer her home. And Nana was no longer her same Nana. This was real, her illness was real. The magic was gone, and this was real life. And her family had to stop ignoring it, as if everything were perfect.
Leah tried, she tried very hard to get into the movie, but it was hard to when she kept staring at Nana. She looked like the same person, but she wasn't, and she may never be again. Once her thoughts about Nana had subsided, her cell phone kept vibrating, bringing her thoughts about Tyson to the forefront. He had been calling her, and calling her over the course of the last couple of weeks since the party incident begging for forgiveness. But he really didn't get it, he'd really screwed up this time. And now, was not the time to be dealing with "boy issuses", she had real issues, that needed to be taken care of.
After "The Sound of Music" went off, Leah headed back to her room, to get some much needed rest.
"Leah!" Jill yelled, banging on her bedroom door, waking Leah up from her sleep. So much for subtle. "Time to eat."
Already? Leah thought. Turns out, she needed more sleep then she had thought, hell she hadn't slept in two days! Getting up from her place on the bed, she smoothed her hair down, slid on her Hello Kitty slippers, and headed down stairs.
Dinner wasn't as bad as Leah had anticipated. Nana was quiet, giving small nods of a approval at whatever they were talking about. Jill and Aiden gushed over their many acheivements (shocker), and Leah stayed under the radar, trying to keep the day smooth and uneventful. She noticed however, that her parents weren't particularly affectionate, like they usually were. They seemed distant. It was odd, because her parents have been married for 30 years, and seemed extremely close all the time.
After dinner, Daniel tucked Nana into bed, and a family meeting was called. Weird, the last time they had a family meeting was when they anoounced their move to Orlando. Leah sat on the maroon couch inbetween Aiden and Jill, while their parents stood infront of them.
"What's going on? If this is a family meeting then shouldn't Nana be here?" Leah asked suspiciously.
"Just listen," Daniel started, ignoring the question, a very serious look on his face. Something about this Family Meeting didn't sit right with Leah, as well as her siblings.
"What's wrong?" Aiden asked.
"Don't beat around the bush, just get to the point!" Jill demanded.
"Well, we want you to know that we love you all very much." Gabrielle said. Except me, Leah wanted to add
"And this isn't an easy decision," Daniel continued. "But we've agonized over this for months now, and we've come to the conclusion that..." Daniel looked to his wife, to finish what he couldn't. He couldn't bear looking into his children's eyes and tell them the news.
"Your father and I." Gabrielle paused. "Your father and I are getting a divorce." The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Leah couldn't believe what she was hearing, she felt like she was gonna pass out.
"You can't!" Leah yelled, finally breaking the silence.
"Leah be quiet, you'll wake Nana." Gabrielle said.
"No, she's right mom, you can't." Aiden agreed.
"After all of these years? What happened?" Jill asked, chiming in.
"You cheated on mom!" Aiden accused.
"Of course not! I would never do anything to hurt your mother, and you know that." Daniel replied, hurt that his son would accuse him of adultery.
"Then what happened?" Leah asked, growing impatient.
"Well we've just grown apart." Gabrielle answered.
"That's it? You've grown apart? Couples do that all the time, you guys just need to reconnect." Aiden declared.
"Honey, it's not that simple." Gabrielle sighed.
"But, where will you guys live. Who's moving out? Wait, will you guys have to sell the house?" Leah suddenly asked, confused, angry, and hurt all at the same time.
"Well, I actually have my own condo." Daniel answered.
"What?" The three asked in unison in complete disbelief.
"Well Leah, you know when you asked where your father was this morning, and I told you that he went to the store? Well, he was actually on his way from his condo. We've been living separately for the past three months." Gabrielle explained.
"What about Nana? Does she know?" Jill asked.
"Well, with Nana being sick and all, we've been able to get it past her." Daniel responded. How much they used the word sick made Leah sick. She wished they'd quit referring to Nana as sick, and address the issue that she has Alzheimers.
"Well where does Nana fit into all of this exactly?! You guys need to stop being so selfish, get over your own problems, and focus on Nana. When do you plan on telling her?" Leah yelled, all of her emotions building up inside of her, ready to explode in an instant. Everyone just stared at her in complete silence, at a loss for words. "Exactly, you don't have an answer, because you know that if you told her, it just about kill her, if the Alzheimer's doesn't first!" Leah continued yelling, her voice laced with hurt an anger. Now standing up, she ran out of the living past her family, and she raced up towards the stairs. Once in her room, she turned on the radio, to help clear her mind. Tears now flowed endlessly from her eyes, and down her face.
A divorce? Seriously? This could not be happening. Okay, so she knew she didn't exactly have the best relationship with her parents but still, she didn't want them to get a divorce. The two of them together, as a united front was all she's ever known growing up. In fact she couldn't picture one without the other. It was impossible. More than anything, the main reason why didn't want her parents to divorce was because of Nana. Nana always had the perfect picture of marriage in her mind. Two people who loved each other together forever. That's how it was in her mind. After their Grandpa died twelve years ago, Nana never even considered dating, or ever loving a man as she did her late husband. So Leah knew that it would just crush Nana when she learned that her eldest daughter was splitting from her husband of thirty years.
Leah lay back on her bed staring at the ceiling. Tears rolling down her cheeks, and the wheels spinning in her head. How could this be happening? When had their relationship hit a snag? There has to be something I could do! They can't possibly go through with this, especially not now. Just as Leah was getting deep into her thoughts, a song came on the radio, the beat instantly grabbed her attention. It was a new song by the artist P!nk that she had never heard before.
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave
In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, let's act like it comes
naturally
I don't wanna have to split the holidays
I don't want two addresses
I don't want a step-brother anyways
And I don't want my mom to have to change her
last name
As the song played on, Leah continued to cry, the song spoke to her. She felt as if P!nk had been speaking to her personally. She felt as if each lyric were punching her hard in her gut. As the song ended, Leah rolled over onto her stomach, and reached over the edge of her bed and pulled out a replica of the family portrait that hung downstairs in the living room. She looked at the photograph of her family. An innocent fourteen year old version of herself in a velvelt burgundy cap sleeved dress stood next to a sixteen year old Jill in a mathcing black dress. Next to Jill, Nana, Gabrielle and Danielle sat on oak window seat, and Aiden, in a black suit stood on the opposite side of the seat. They all had these big bright smiles on their faces, they looked like a real family. A happy family. But Leah knew the truth, and so did her family. They were all there that day. Leah could remember like it was yesterday.
"It doesn't fit mom, stop trying to force me to wear it!" A frustrated Leah said through clenched teeth, her fist balled up, fingernails digging into her plams. She sucked her breath in trying to zip up her back zipper."Don't take that tone with your mother." Daniel warned his youngest daughter.
"But dad, it's too tight." Leah argued.
"Suck it in honey." Gabrielle said, shaking her off.
"Mom, if I suck in anymore I'll die of suffocation!"
"Maybe you shouldn't have eaten that extra bagel at breakfast." Jill chimed in from her place on the couch, flipping through an issue of Cosmogirl.
"Excuse me?" Leah asked, turning her head away from the vanity mirror that had been placed in the living room.
"Well, it's not like you can afford any extra calories." Jill replied suggestively. Leah shot her a death glare. "What? I'm just sayin'..." She trailed off.
"Well what are you 'just sayin''?" Leah asked, putting air quotes around the words just sayin'.
"Well not to be mean or anything, but you're sorta on the cubby side!" Jill pointed out. The look on Leah's face turned from anger and frustration to one that was hurt, and sad. Chubby? Was she really chubby? She never thought that she was chubby. Just because Jill was a size zero, that did not make Leah's size four chubby!
"Mom? Did you hear what she said to me?" Leah asked in disbelief,
"Well honey, it's not a secret that you can tuck it away." Gabrielle responded nonchalantly. That was not true! Just because all her mom and Jill did was diet together, didn't mean that Leah overate. She ate like any normal human being!
"Mom!" Leah gave her mother a pleading look, but in return all she recieved was one of shame.
Getting up from her place on the couch Jill walked over to her sister, and placed her hands on her sisters shoulders meeting her gaze in the mirror. "Admitting is the first step. No one's ever gonna say anything to you because, they're just trying to be nice. But once you can accpet it you can change it. You're fat!" Jill said icily. Tears now began to roll down her cheeks.
"Jill, shut up." Leah sanpped. "I am not fat. Just because I'm shaped like any normal girl my age, does not make me fat."
"Sure keep telling yourself that! Just remember, the camera adds ten pounds, that you don't need." Jill replied breezily sitting back down on the couch.
"Well it's not my fault that you're a body obsessed exercise addict!" Leah yelled, her voice now shaky, turning towards her sister. "And by the way zero is not a size!" Leah finished before storming out of the room and running toward the upstairs bathroom. Once she got to the bathroom, she slammed the door behind her and dropped to her knees in front of the toilet. Sticking a finger down her throat, she relieved herself of the heavy breakfast that she had eaten just an hour before. As pathetic as it was, she felt better, lighter. If I keep doing this, maybe I will be a size or two smaller, she thought. Maybe then Mommy and Jill will finally love me. She knew it was pathetic and sad to think like that. But after years of being an outsider, Leah was desperate to finally fit into her family, and gain their acceptance and love.That was the day that started it all, Leah remembered. The day that Leah had become extremely body consious. The day that she began to literally hate Jill for making her feel so self consious, hate her mother for not standing up for her like most moms would do, and fight for their love and acceptance all at the same time. Looking back down at the photograph of her family, she saw the big smile on her face, the smile that hid it all. Despite the drama that happened that day, the family seemed to pull it together, and come off as a happy loving family, like they had done for so many years, as long as Leah could remember. To outsiders they seemed like the perfect family. Like The Cosbys, or The Seavers. But the reality was they were very dysfunctional and had their fair share of issues. But somehow, however they did it they managed to pull off normal, and it had worked for them for so long. So how come it couldn't work now? Why wasn't it enough anymore? Why couldn't their parents just play pretend like in their family portrait, and act like it came natural to them? If not for their children, at least for Nana. They may not act like a family, and they may not be close, but now was the time more than ever to be that picture perfect family, and be there for Nana.
