I've been going non stop pretty much since getting back and I'm having fun. Now I know how these guys feel when they tour, and just imagine how I'm going to feel on my first world tour. December 27 of this year through to New Year's Eve of next year, 369 days on a plane or on a tour bus to spend time with Nick. It's been about a week and so far I haven't heard the question. "Nick, you need to focus."
"Sorry, Jazz," he says, focusing more on the steps than his thoughts.
"Nick! Focus!" Fatima yells.
"She just yelled at me for that!"
"Thanks, girl! You are one hell of a muse. Such a slave driver!"
"Learned from the best!" I beam at her.
She hangs her head and chuckles to herself. "Sometimes I hate you," AJ informs me.
"You love when I talk her, Brian, Kevin and Howie into clubbing!"
~~~~~

Running on minimal sleep, pixie stix and having my sophomore work due December 30, I think it's safe to assume it's a week off before I'm back to the grind. I just got on the bus and immediately go for James' bunk, it's empty. It's fi- "I know and from what I understand, she's already a month into the work for her sophomore year! No, I mean high school! I'm serious!" I walk toward the lounge, open the door quietly and find Pez facing the wall opposite me with his eyes closed, relaxed on the couch. I poke his forehead, he raises a hand and swats at mine, his eyes closed. I wait a minute and slap the top of his head. I know I told them I would be here today! His eyes snap open at the ceiling. "What?!" he growls at me.
"Fuck you too," I retort, immediately turning on my heel and taking over his bunk.
"Sam!" I flip him off and lay belly down, facing the wall. "I'm going to have to call you back. Alright, bye." I hear him press end. "I thought you were Chris or Justin." I slap his forehead without looking. "I'm sorry. I completely forgot today was the day you were coming out to us."

"James, I told you a few weeks ago that I'd be here for Josh's birthday."
"I didn't realize it was already that date. How much sleep have you gotten?"
"Between rehearsing, school, and hanging out, not too much," I admit.
"Do you need help falling asleep?" he asks, watching me yawn.
"Can you cuddle me until I fall asleep?"
"Once we get to the ho-"
"No, now please," I beg, whining. I grab his hands and pull him into his bunk to cuddle to me from behind, the same way as the last time we saw each other a couple weeks before.
He lays behind me and wraps his arm around me on the bunk. "You're exhausted and cranky," he says, snuggling up to me so I can feel his breath on the side of my neck. 
~~~~~

"Lance, we head out in ten minutes. Is she coming too?"
I roll onto my back and sigh, groggy. "Mmm awake."
I hear JC guffaw. "C'mon, Jazzy, we have to head out to rehearsal."
I stretch and get up, fix my hair, grab my phone and keycard. "Ready when you are."
We leave James' room and JC does a quick head count. "Where did Justin run off to?"
I peer over the balcony and spot him. "Josh, Justin," I respond, blowing his cover being half asleep as I pointed him out.
"Thanks, let's try to catch him." I nod and follow behind the four guys with the security team behind me. We get in the elevator and James squats down, allowing me to get a piggy back ride. Being who I am, I take the offer and practically fall asleep during the short walk from the elevator to the van.

Once we get to the arena James hands me a Mountain Dew and a 'bag of goodies'. I open the bag after sitting cross legged near the back of the stage and check what was in there-Carmello, Rollos, Milky Way, Reese's, and Pixi stix. I dig into the Carmello and five things of Pixi stix, followed by a quick chug of my soda. I watch them rehearse for half an hour and James notices my sugar high kick in, a smile forming on his lips. JC wasn't too happy about it, but it was enough for the amusement and let it slide, considering that the show they had coming up was the next night.

I guess I was their entertainment, performing their routine from memory and burning off all the sugar and caffeine. "You ever do this to her again, I promise we all better have some sugar in us," JC warns us.
"Josh, Josh, Josh! Do the steps with me! C'mon!" I say, hyper as hell and tugging on his hand as I jump up and down.
"Ok, chill out." He grabs his and Justin's mics, handing me Justin's. "You sing Justin's parts. You know em."
"Yep, yep, yep!" We go through the whole set and I have endless energy. "Come on, old men! Rehearse! Come on, come on, COME ON!"
~~~~~

It's JC's birthday and we're on the way to a photo shoot in Valencia. We already had to sit in a van to wait for our flight tickets, endure lost luggage and JC is bitching to Joey's camera about the day's difficulties. I guffaw because Chris just slapped JC's cap off his head as he ran by. I watched Justin, Chris and James shoot Pixi stix. I count out seven and shoot them as Joey tapes it. "Duh-na-na-na-na-na-na!" Joey is being Joey and doing that marching band thing. 

James looks at me and we try not to laugh at each other. "Summer 93!" I shout.
"Darren!" he yells.
"Sugar es no bueno!" we holler together, falling over in a laughing fit.
"Oooooohhhhhhhh-kaaaaaayyyyy," JC says, most likely wondering if the Pixi stix are laced.
We shoot some more Pixi stix and this where James goes dork major on everyone. Joey catches it on tape. "You should come look at the escalator. It's so cool! Come look," he says, leading Joey over to it to tape it. "Isn't it cool?" 
Joey just nods and focuses on me. "Should we cut him off from the Pixi stix?"
"Yeap!" I answer as I turn to run after Justin and Chris. We get JC to consider shooting Pixi stix. "C'mon, have some fun, stop being a stick in the mud, come on, come on, COME ON!" I say, jumping around from the amount of sugar in my system.
"How many did you do?"
"Five," Justin tells him, he's spazzing worse than I am and he's had less sugar than me. I've had a two liter of Dew, half a bag of Pixi stix, Carmello, Rollos, Reese's, and chocolate syrup. 

JC shoots the colored sugar and nearly chokes on it as we try to fuck with him. "What now?"
"Run around, it's what we did," Justin tells him. I have never seen him hyped up on sugar and it's fucking hysterical! The second calmest (& best sleeper) of the guys is the funniest on sugar, just stating a fact. Lost luggage, plane ticket issues, Pixi stix, and me spazzing for the second time in less than a week better make his birthday at least funny. All in all, JC's birthday turned out ok, he loved what we did for him.
~~~~~

October 17, 1997
Chris' birthday

"Dude, you are getting so old!" I joke.
"My old ass can keep up you kids!"
We laugh as we stand on the stage for rehearsal. Johnny waves us off the stage. "The stage crew need to check the safety of the stage."
"Where are we supposed to wait?"
"That game room," he tells us, winking at James and I. 
I quickly grab Chris' hand and drag him toward the game room backstage. "We should play a game while we wait."
"Wait, where are the guys? Johnny?"
"I don't know, come on!" I answer as we get to the game room.

I open the door and it's dark inside. "Why it so-" he questions as he flips the switch.
The second the light comes on, everyone involved with the guys pops out of their hiding spots and screams "Surprise! Happy birthday!"
"You did all this for me? Wait, JC was in on it? How did you get him to not tell me?"
"I told him I'd stick Swedish fish up his nose after sour patch kids candies if he ruined it."
"Sugar burns in your nose," he says, thinking. 
"I have no idea how you figured that one out, spare me the details because I don't even want to know."

He throws his arms around my shoulders and pulls me in for an impromptu hug, the appreciative one at that. "Thank you, Jazz." It sounds like he's happy and about to cry. I had gotten up very early and made a chocolate chip brownie cake for him with funfetti frosting (vanilla). The rest of today better go great. They had the day off and should go better than JC's, but JC was happy just to go out to eat and order in Chinese on his birthday. We ate out for dinner and ordered in for lunch. He was thankful for the cake I made him too. His was a marble cake with chocolate frosting with strawberries around the edges. 
"How long have you been planning this?"
"Two months, down to how I was going to write 'happy birthday, Old Man Chris' on your cake," I reply, beaming because I had written it in butterscotch morsels. That took so freaking long, I had done it in cursive. I hope he likes it.
He looks at the cake and a huge grin spreads across his face. "I love how it looks! What did you write it in? What kind of cake is this? Funfetti frosting!"
"It's a chocolate chip brownie cake and I wrote it in butterscotch chips." He cuts a piece of cake for everyone in the arena and attempts to compliment me with a mouth filled with cake. "I'm glad you approve, gramps," I kid with him, taking the compliment as well.
~~~~~

It's Halloween today and I've spent the whole day with Nick and Aaron. We pull into their parents' driveway and get out. Aaron heads for the living room, Nick and I head for the basement to talk like he had asked while we were out. We've known each other for almost ten months and we've gotten so comfortable with each other that we talk about everything that crosses our minds, not once thinking about it. "Jazz, I really do like you," he tells me, laying his head on my lap and locking his dark sky blues on my ocean blues.
"I know that," I say, running my fingers through his short hair.
"Actually, I was wondering if you might want to be with me."
"What do you mean, Icky?"
"Will you be my girlfriend and date me?"
"Are you joking?"
"I'm being serious, Sam," he tells me, using my real name to reveal how serious he is being.

I roll my eyes so that they're looking toward the upper corner of the room, thinking. I know we've discussed what we would expect from and out of our relationship, when and if we started one for the past 3 or 4 months. I take a deep breath, feeling his eyes on me as he waits for my answer. "Yes, as long we stay faithful and can remain honest about it," I agree.
"Really?" he asks, excited like a small child in a candy shop or AJ in a shopping mall.
"Yes, really. Nick, smile or do something."
"Can I have a kiss to seal the deal?" We kiss and he smiles. "Deal sealed!" he chirps happily.
"You're such a nerd!" I say, letting my head drop back against the couch.
"Why's he a nerd?"
I look at Aaron and smile. "Because I said so."
"You kissed! AJ! AJ! They're down here! AJ!"
"You tattle tale!"
"You little rat!" Nick teasingly says.
AJ comes down, smiling. "Looks like you two won."
I raise an eyebrow, curious. "I'm lost."
"He's only going to get you more lost than you are," AJ insinuates, teasing Nick.
I giggle. "I doubt it. I have a good sense of direction and all I need is a map with an idea of my destination. One question, Nick."
"Hmm?"
"Are you announcing it to the media?"
"No, it's my business. If you're not in my personal life, it's not your business."
"Am I in your personal life?" I playfully hint.
"Of course, you're my girlfriend and my best friend."

"You guys got any plans tonight?"
"Other than the party with Johnny and Lou, trick or treating with my brother and sisters."
"Lou's going to be at the party?" I ask, turning ghost white.
"Yeah, he planned it. We have to go," Nick tells me, looking concerned.
"I don't want to go to that."
"Why?"
"I just don't."
"Aaron's going, we're going to be there, I'll stay by your side."
"No," I say weakly, shaking my head.
"I'll leave when you say," he barters with me.
"Promise?"
"Yes," he says, smiling and stroking the side of my face.
"You better keep to your word, man. She's got a reason behind her actions," AJ tells him. I look at him and he shrugs. "You're her man now, it's your job to protect, love, understand, listen to and comfort her."
I feel Nick bob his head in agreement. "I have to call James."

He slips his fingers around mine and rubs the back of my hand, trying to soothe me. I dial the brain numbing digits to my best friend's cell phone. "Hello?"
"Hey."
"What's wrong, Sam?"
"He asked," I changed the subject.
"You better have said yes," he warns me.
"Of course not," I say facetiously.
"Congrats."
"Thanks."

"When's the next time you'll be here to see us?"
"I don't know," I awkwardly admit.
"Oh," he says, sounding defeated. "We miss you."
"I miss you guys too."
"Something is bugging you."
"Don't worry."
"If you say so," he backs off the subject, knowing not to push too hard or risk being shut out.