I wake up and he's not there. I look at the clock. 7:23 and wonder why I'm awake. I go downstairs and see JC sitting at the island counter. I smile and go to him. He hugs and kisses me good morning. I sit next to him and he holds me close. "I dreamed that we said we love each other."
"You didn't dream that."
"We said it?"
"I was trying to say it and have you know. You were asleep."
"Why? You know I talk in my sleep."
"I didn't think you'd answer."
He has me look at him. "I do feel that way and I don't regret saying it at all. I just want so badly to tell you when I'm awake."
"I know. I wish I could tell you while you're awake too."
He sighs and kisses me. "We know how we feel and need to figure out how to say it." I look at him and a smile comes across his face. "You look like hell."
"I feel like I got run over by a Mack truck, twenty times. My wrist is sore, my head hurts, I just wanna go for a run, come back, do some crunches and shower."
"That's an odd combination."
"When I feel like shit, I get the adrenaline flowing. It starts flowing, I feel better cuz I have more energy. I would rather be odd cuz otherwise, I wouldn't be me." I smile and shrug.

He smiles. "True. I love you for you." He kisses me.
"I love you for who you are too." My cell rings, I look at the ceiling, and sigh in frustration. "Wonder who that could be?" I look at the caller ID. "Brian? Why would he be calling?" I pick up. "Hello?"
"Hey, Sam."
"What's up, B?"
"Nick said you and JC are talking about getting together."
I close my eyes and hang my head. "Of course Nicholas can't keep it to himself. Yes, we're Uh talking about it. The only thing is that we both have broken hearts to heal first." I put Brian on speaker. "What would your honest reaction be if we did start seeing other?"
"I would be happy for you both. You deserve it. Why?"
"Uh, no parti-"
"You're together."
"You say it like we told you."
"You take too long to answer. Nick has sent me home videos of you two. I figured you would be together soon."
"Don't tell anyone, please, B."
"When will you be telling everyone?"
"We plan on telling James and Nick in May. Everyone else in August."
"That's almost another year."

"We know. We wanna surprise everyone else. What else has Nick told you?"
"That you two are very emotionally expressive and seem to have a strong bond and connection."
"I know there's more."
"You've also been fooling around, even though you're married."
"B, I'm gettin a divorce. Long story that's been going bad for seven or eight years. I have my dreams coming true."
"What about your kids?"
"They want what they now have-a father figure who loves all four of us, spends time with us, gives us attn and actually cares."
"I'm just making sure that you're sure about this. I'm glad to see JC happy all the time and happy to know everyone directly involved is happy."
"My kids told me six months ago that they'd rather have me happy and who I'm seeing respects me, loves all four of us and spends time with us. They have been around Josh for the past two or three months. They have taken a liking to Josh. The younger two told Josh and I that we need to just tell each other how we feel."

"Kids pick up on things like that. Have you told each other yet?"
"No. I know he loves who I am and I love who he is as a person."
"Ok. That's a good thing. I also heard your soon to be ex-husband broke your wrist and JC never left your side."
I kiss JC and smile. He holds me close to him. He rubs my side. "Brian, he did and I don't plan on leaving her side for awhile. It's been six months and I've been there every time she needs me. I was there the day he gave her a black eye. I watched him punch her and I got in his face. Yeah, we scuffled and you're the first person to know other than us. She hid it. I got a busted lip. He had bruised ribs, a bloody nose, and a black eye. We picked the kids up from school and stayed at my house."
"He what? It's not the first time he's hurt her?"
"You wanna be technical, he's been for years, emotionally and mentally."
"Sam, I'm glad to know you're in a better position than you were."
"Thanks. Listen, I'm gonna letcha go. I'll try to buzz ya later."
"Ok. Take care. God bless."

We hang up. I take Josh's hand with my left. "I don't know what to expect, but I will be supportive either way. If it's on and off, I guess I can try to deal with the emotional roller coaster as long as we still talk. If you are unfaithful, don't hide it from me. Don't flaunt it, either. You have to work, tell me as soon as you know when and where. You wanna go out at all, even alone, I don't care. You are your own person. You wanna take me out? Lemme know. Pretty much be honest with me, try to be faithful, and lemme know when you want or need space."
He looks at me, thinking about what I just said. "So, you don't expect me to be at your side constantly?"
"In another day or two, no. But I do expect honesty."
He bites his bottom lip, thinking of how to word what's on his mind. "Ok. That might make it easier. The past six months don't count right?"
"When we aren't together like we are right now, what we did shouldn't be held against each other. Even if we broke up, hypothetically, for a couple weeks and you had sex with a different woman every night. I'd hope you use protection and remind myself that we weren't together, just friends. And if a few times during said hypothetical break up, you wanted it from me, you'd have to come to me and try to not play with my emotions. It's a lay but we both know know that we both will pour our emotions into it. So it would be strange and I would try to go through the days after like I do now."
"Honestly, the nights I wasn't at your place and didn't answer, I was-"
"I figured as much and like I said, you weren't with me like that. You are your own person."
"You really don't care as long as I'm discreet?"

"When we're not together like we are, discretion is expected with who you do whatever you do with. Do I wanna know who they are? No. I know what you're doing when you don't answer my calls and I don't hear back within two or three hours. There's only three things that take longer than that-sex, studio and clubbing. I know there's gonna be days where you just don't wanna talk to anyone."
"If we break up, we both have complete freedom with our partners? So, to go along with this hypothetical thing, say Dawn were single and I slept with her. Would you care?"
"She's my best friend and sister. I would wonder why, but that's your choice and hers. I can't hold it against you. We weren't together and the same goes for you. Hypothetically, we break up and say I sleep with, um, Justin. You can't hold it against me. Well, shouldn't. You might, but shouldn't."
"I'd hold it against you if you slept with Tyler, regardless, only because he's my little brother."
"Fair enough. Also keep in mind that when we are together, we both need to stay faithful."
"What if I want to get some from you in the club?"
"A dark corner away from everyone. Haven't you noticed I wear long shirts or skirts when we go clubbing together?"
"Yeah, I was wondering why."
"Josh, we've had sex on the beach, in your car, in the ocean, in your yard, in your pool, on your balcony, in dressing rooms, and at most of the guys' houses, in their bath rooms."
"Can't forget we almost got caught a few times in the studio."
"The quickies. Those made the next time more worth it cuz I'd be so fucking close to getting off. You'd get off first and you'd have to leave me wanting it from you again later on."
"Is that why the next time after the studio, you'd ride fierce and not stop till I pinned you, making sure not to be gentle? You'd get so vocal then, too."

"Yeah. Leave me wanting and I'm gonna wanna ride the fuck outta ya, wanna be pinned and want it rough."
"Damn. What do you like more-rough sex or gentle love making?"
"Depends on my mood."
"Right now."
"Rough, if you could get me going." I glance at him.
He gets up, pulls my hair back, playfully kisses and bites my neck. "I'm gonna make you want it."
I smile bigger as his other hand goes from my knee up my thigh and he stops just before he touches there. "Prove it."

He touches my spot, through my jeans. "I will." He keeps kissing and biting my neck as he unbuttons my jeans. He leans me back a little and starts getting me going. I spin around on the stool to face him and smile. He kisses me and keeps playing. I moan as he gets me to lean back again. He starts to finger fuck me, knowing which buttons to push. Someone knocks at his door but he refuses to stop. We try to stay as quiet as we can. For about ten minutes, until whoever was at his door leaves, we keep kissing and he finger fucks me. I wanna scream from pleasure. He knows this and keeps me still by standing next to me, holding my hair back and kissing me. They leave and he lets me get pretty vocal as we hear their car pull outta his driveway. He lifts me with one arm and sits me on his island counter. He pulls his fingers out and strips me. He sticks his tongue in and it drives me wild cuz I'm on the edge of his counter, leaning back to let him have access. He plays with my clit as he does this. I want it but what he's doing is driving me crazy. I pull his hand so he's standing and pull him to me for a kiss. He starts to finger fuck me again, I arch my back and moan during the kiss. Our cell phones ring and we ignore those too. His house phone rings and voicemail picks up. I feel his hands let go of me for a minute and we start making love on his counter. I lay back on his counter and start with the body waves, being vocal the whole time. He gets off at least five times. After I get off the third time, they come in back to back waves and I lose count. He got me off twice before he came the first time, he had me dealing with the waves before he got off the second time. I sat up with my ass half on the counter and he got off the third time. He pulled me off the counter and had me lean over the counter. He pulled my head back to kiss me so I'm leaning against him as he plays with my clit and he gets the waves going again. He gets off two more times while like this. He kisses me a few times. We're both drenched in sweat, but satisfied. We try to stop, but we're both still horny. We look at each other and I push my hips back, biting my lip. "Insatiable today?" I nod. He pushes me so I'm leaning on his counter and he tears it up, getting us both off four more times. I scream the final time. A new heightened feeling. He turns me around to face him and kisses me, holding my hips. "Feeling a little better?"
"Yeah. Oh damn."
"What?"
"The last time I got off, I've never got off like that."
He smiles. "Is that why you screamed?"
I nod. "It's new, heightened, and caught me off guard. I like it though."

He pulls me close and I realize we're both naked. His cell phone rings and he grabs it. He looks at the caller ID. We're both breathing a little faster than normal. He answers. "Hi, mom. What's up? Yes. You know how I told about Sam? Yes, the one with three kids. I'm dating her. Yes, she knows. We've already talked about that. Hold on and I'll put you on speaker." He puts it on speaker. "Ok, mom."
"Hi, Sam."
I look at JC and put my hands on my hips. "Hi, Karen. How are you?"
"I'm good. Is Joshua treating you good?"
"Of course. He knows how to treat a lady. You and Roy raised him very well."
"Thank you. When did you start seeing each other?"
"Yesterday. We aren't telling any of our friends yet. Nick and James will find out in May. Everyone else will know in August."
"You're very cautious about who you want to know and when."
"Yes, we are. He has been under the radar for a few years now, which I respect and enjoy."
He gives me a kiss. "Mom, I'm gonna be going to the VMAs. Could you watch it?"
"Sure, sweetie. Why?"
"You'll get to see her."
"You're taking her with you?"

"I asked her and she said she'd like to go. She didn't get overexcited at all. She went to movie awards with me a few months ago."
"The pretty blue eyed brunette is Sam?"
I smile. "Yes, that was me."
"Honey, they could have many more questions for you."
"I know. I'm ready for them. I expect the paparazzi to get some pictures every time we go out. Which reminds me, when is that fitting?"
"In an hour, babe." I nod and he kisses me. "We're gonna let you go so we can get ready to go. I love you, mom."
"I love you too. Have fun."
Josh and I smile. "We will, mom." She hangs up and we bust out laughing. "We just had our version of fun."

My cell rings. "What is this? Mom-vention?" I pick up. "Hey, ma. What's up?"
"Haven't heard from you in a few days."
"I've been crazy busy. I left Joe."
"Why?"
"I have great friends and a better man to back me."
"Who?"
"Remember how I told you about Josh?"
"Yeah."
"Him, ma." I open my phone so it goes to speaker.
"Like a guy who is always working has time for you and the kids."
"Actually, I have a lot of time for them. I'm not sure if she told you who I am exactly."
"He sounds like that kid from one of those groups. Damn it! Which one?"
"Boyband or girls?"
"Hahaha, very funny, Samantha. Boyband, of course."
"Four or five people?"
"Five. It's one of the Florida ones."
I laugh. "Yeah? Name em, ma."
"Backstreet Boys and the other one."
"What other one?"
"The one that used a letter of their names for the band name."
"Name the guys."
"Chris, Joey, the gay one-"
"Ma! His name is Lance, not the gay one!"
"Sorry. Justin and the one you liked."
"JC, ma, JC."
"What about JC?"
I put my head on JC's chest. "JC's first name is Josh and he lives in LA."
"Are you kidding me?"
JC smiles. "Not at all." He sings part of 'It's Gonna Be Me'.
"Damn! How'd you meet?"
"She got lost looking for my neighbor's house and I helped her get there. They referred her to me, she cleans my place and we've known each other for six months. I helped her find a house for rent, set everything up, I keep her iPod working. She makes enough because of the fact that she works sixty hours a week and makes $10.50 an hour, according to the temp place. She brings home about $540 every week."

I look at JC and smile. "Ma, can you tape the VMAs?"
"I think I can."
"You can watch it online too, I think. MTV.com and look up VMAs or video music awards. The red carpet preshow is what you wanna watch, more than the show itself."
"Why?"
"Go to MTV.com and look up the movie awards. Please."
"MTV.com?"
"Yes."
"Ok. What now?"
"Look up 'movie awards 2012 pre-show'. Look for me."
"Oh." I hear her play it. "I fast forwarded it till I saw you. Is that? It says JC Chasez on the screen, near him. That's your boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"WAAF has been laughing about him saying he wasn't dating a blue eye brunette."
"At that time, we weren't. We were friends and he needed a date. He asked me and I said sure. What do you think of the dress?"
"It's beautiful. Who bought it?"
"Josh. He only gets my award show clothes."
"What about the pictures in the magazines I get? With him kissing a brunette?"
"Ma, again that's me."
"You were cheating on Joe with JC?"

"Ummmm, yeah. For the past six months. I was sleeping with JC but not Joe. Joe said I was cheating on him cuz I wouldn't give him ass. I put up with it till I met Josh, let my crush and hormones get the best of me and started sleeping with him. I really do like him and we just started dating yesterday. I gave Joe the divorce, visitation and child support papers and he freaked, saying he wasn't gonna let me leave. He grabbed and broke my right wrist. I filed the paperwork and pressed charges."
"Was it the first time?"
"No. He's hit me before and Josh has beat him senseless. More than once."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Sorry lost it's meaning a long time ago."
"I just feel bad for not listening to you."
"I know this seems mean but you should and it serves you right."
"I'll call you in a couple days."
"I love you, ma, but ask questions before you assume anything. I learned that from you."
"I love you too." She hangs up and I look at JC.
He's wondering. "Why'd she say sorry? Why'd you say the thing you learned from her?"

"I tried telling her since 08 that he's been controlling, which is one of the first signs that it might turn for the worse. She assumed Joe and I were having sex on her couch. I had my feet on the back of the couch and he had one foot on the floor. Closest thing to a shotgun wedding. She forced it with her ultimatum-marry him or not talk till I turned 18. But that's the past and I need to focus on the present and future. A happier future."
"Ok. We can focus on the present and future. We never talked about how you'd be able to get pregnant."
"IVF or surgery to have my tubes untied. I don't think it's be worth it to get them untied, just to turn around and have em tied again."
"Understandable."
"Definitely NOT worth the pain."
"I trust you."
"We should" he pulls me close "mmmmmm, shower before it gets too late. That, uh, fitting is in just over half an hour."
"Fuck! That slipped my mind." He grabs the clothes we were wearing and tosses em in the laundry room. We dart up to his personal bathroom, laughing the whole time.
While we shower, we kiss and laugh. We get out and he gets dressed while I dry my hair. I laugh. "Josh, this shirt looks better."
"They're jeans."
"Please. I really like this shirt on you."
He looks at it. "This is new."
"I got it for you. I thought it would look good on you."
He laughs as he reads it. "Funny. 'I have multiple personalities and none of them like you'."
"It's that one or 'I don't like you but that's for me to know'."
He pulls another shirt outta my pile. "This one is great! 'Would you like to buy a vowel?' I love this one!"
We laugh and he puts it on. "Just for the paparazzi huh?"
"Yup."
I throw on jeans, socks, and a shirt that says 'I'm just a ray of freaking sunshine, aren't I?' and he cracks up. "I know, it suits me." I laugh.

He gives me a kiss and we head to the fitting. We talk about NY. We get there and the seamstress shakes her head. "I thought you were the punctual one."
I look at her and shake her hand. "My name is Sam and it's my fault, I distracted him."
"Ok. I'm Melissa. I have to fit him."
JC smiles. "As well as her. She's going with me."
"JC, you're just a bag of surprises, aren't you?"
He smiles, pulls me close and kisses me. "It's one of the many things that makes me who I am."
I kiss him back. "I taught you that." I scratch his back lightly as I let go. "You first." I push him to Melissa. She looks at him and grabs jeans, a nice shirt and an over shirt. "Mmmm. He looks so good in that shirt." He tries it on. "Yup, yours is easy, Josh."
"Your turn."
She takes me into a changing room and measures me. She asks me a few questions as she does. "How'd you meet him?"
"I asked him for help finding a place and just clicked."
"Are you dating him?"
"No, we're just very close friends."
"You kissed."
"Some friendships are more open than others."
"Oh. I think you'd make a cute couple."
"Thanks."

She ducks out comes back with three pairs of jeans and nine shirts. She ducks out and grabs three pairs of shoes. I look at them and start trying on the jeans. I put on the first pair and find out they're leather with jean print. I show JC. He shakes his head. I put on a pair of flares with gemmed designs on the legs and butt pockets. He smiles. I try on the third pair and realize they have grafitti on them. He smiles and nods. "The grafitti ones." I keep em on and try the shirts on. I show him how each one looks. "Toss up between the third one and the second to last one."
"I liked the third one best." It's a blue shirt that has 'Famousness isn't always beauty' grafittid on it.
JC looks at me. "Are there any dressy shirts that would go nice with those jeans?"
I roll my eyes. "Yeah."
I show him the shirt and it's the same color as my cast. It also has a pocket on the front and is long sleeved. "This one?"
"That one is beautiful."
I grab a pair of similar colored shoes and walk over to him. "I'm growing again."
He laughs. "How's it feel to be five seven?"
"Four inch heals and I didn't fall on my face." I make a face.
He cracks up and I giggle. He gives me a kiss. I turn away from him, walk a few steps so I'm just outta reach, look at him, blow a kiss, and make sure to switch my hips. I change outta the clothes for the show and back into my own. I come back out and hug him. "Couldn't resist being funny and then switching your hips like that?"
"I did it cuz I thought you'd smile about it."
"I did smile when you went back in the other room to get back into your clothes."

I smile. "Then I have cleared my objective." We crack up.
He pulls me close and kisses me. "I love bringing you to fittings and rehearsals. You make em fun."
I pretend to shine my nails on my shirt. "I try." I make a face at him.
He laughs. "This is exactly why we are the way we are."
"I'm just glad you're happy just cuz it's what means most to me." I look down and my hair covers the right side of my face.
He puts his hand on the side of my face and gets me to look at him. "I'll let you know when I'm not happy. I'm sure you can tell by now." He pushes my hair back and kisses me. We smile. I nod. "I think we should hit the beach."
"I don't have a swimsuit with me."
"The beach bag we packed and we had to cancel our plans yesterday."
"I can't swim with this on."
"We can sit by the edge of the water and wade in it."
"Ok. What about shorts?"
"You have a pair in the bag."
"Ok. Are we all set here?"
"Yes. Ready?"
"Let's see how hard it is for me to not swim."

We leave the fitting and head to the beach. He takes all the back roads to get there so I can change on the way there. I put my tank top on over my bikini top. He sees me do that. "Why'd you cover up?"
"Force of habit."
"I love how you look."
I give him a kiss as we pull up to the beach. "Thanks, babe."
He puts his hand on my leg so that his fingers are on the inside of my thigh. "Anytime, beautiful."
We grab the beach bag and he changes while I set up the beach blanket and take off my shirt and jewelry. I put it in an inside pocket. He hands me his jeans and shirt. I stick his jewelry in the other inside pocket. We put our cell phones in with our jewelry. AJ covers my eyes as I zip up the bag. I look at him and Rochelle. I get up and give them hugs. "Hey, Rochelle, AJ. Just being beach bums today?"
AJ nods. "That's the plan. What's yours?"
"To relax and enjoy some time alone."
"Cool. How ya feeling today?"
"Pretty good. We just finished our fitting for the VMAs."
"Back to the goofball you are?"
"Yeah."
"Any progress on the telling each other thing? Or taking the next step?"
"We're working on telling each other what we like and love about each other."
"Good start. What about the whole relationship part?"
"Still just friends fooling around."
"With a high comfort level."

I shrug and JC smiles. JC pulls me close and wraps his arms around me. "Rather have a high comfort level and know she's here with me, than wonder if she even gives a fuck about me."
AJ raises his eyebrow, looks at Rochelle, and she nods. "True." He looks at me over his sunglasses. "We should go sit by the water, cool off."
JC and I shrug. We sit by the water, me in front of JC and he's holding me. AJ and Rochelle are side by side. Rochelle touches me and I look at her. "I think you're seeing JC and keeping it hush hush."
I shake my head. "Sorry, Roche."
She looks at me like she doesn't believe me. "Sam."
"Roche."
"You have a glow in your face."
"Yeah, most likely cuz we did something we enjoy and it was great."
"Like what?"
"Sex. He did the challenge."
"You challenge each other sexually?"
"No, when we get interrupted, I challenge him to get me off so many times."
We hang out at the beach till seven. We hang out and head home. I call Nick and Joey to let them know we're going to the VMAs the following week. Nick has plans so we have to split up the boys between James and Chris.