Here Comes Goodbye
Chapter Three:
I continue looking at Lindsay waiting for her to explain. But instead she just gets up and starts to walk into the kitchen. I follow her but as we reach the kitchen doorway, we're all of a sudden in a field. I look around trying to make sense of where we're at and how we got there. I look at her again, but she's looking off to the top of a hill. I follow her gaze, and as I see what she's looking at, we're all of a sudden standing there with everyone else.
As I look around and take in the scene before me, I realize that everyone that is standing at the top of this hill are people that we both know. I see all of Lindsay's and my family. Then I notice the preacher and casket. I turn and look at Lindsay and she's watching me. I open my mouth to ask her what's going on but the preacher starts at the same time and what he says stops my heart and causes all the air to leave my body.
"We are here to bid farewell to a daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin, and friend. We may never know why God chose to take Lindsay from us so soon. All we can be sure of is that she was needed with him more than here with us." I turn and look at Lindsay again. She's still there, staring at me. But her expression is one of sorrow, hurt, and apology. I feel the tears running down my face as it sinks in and I start shaking my head no. This cannot be happening. This is just another messed up dream. She can't be dead! She's standing right in front of me!
"Justin." She reaches out and grabs my hand and in a flash we're gone and standing at our spot on the beach. I look into her eyes and wait for her to continue because I know that she will, as soon as she's ready to. "Justin, I'm here because you need me to be. I'm not supposed to be. And I wasn't allowed to tell you anything that I'm about to, but you were able to remember the future and that what was happening shouldn't have been. So, you passed the ‘test' so to speak." We never waiver from each other's eyes and she continues speaking. "Justin, baby, we never made it to your parents' from the airport. And I'm so very sorry that I'm the cause of your pain right now. I should have told you the truth about how I was feeling and everything that had been happening with me while you were gone. But I seriously thought the headaches and blurry vision was nothing to worry about. And that was the last thing I wanted was to make you worry more while you were gone. So, I just didn't tell you. And I'm sorry for that. I should have just followed my gut and let you drive from the airport. But I didn't and here we are." She pauses and looks around us for a few minutes. I take the opportunity to speak.
"What do you mean, ‘here we are‘? Where exactly is ‘here'?" She turns back to me and smiles. I can tell that she's thinking about making a smart ass remark, but thankfully she changes her mind.
"We are in your unconscious mind. We go whereever you think of going." I look at her with an expression of confusion spread across my face. But I never thought of going to your funeral. Before I can voice my thought, she speaks almost as though she can hear my thoughts. "I know. You never thought about going to the cemetery and seeing my funeral or even actually about coming here. I can take you where I think is best as well. And after showing you...well...that, I thought here would be a good choice since you always talked about how it calmed you. But if you want to go somewhere else, you just have to think of that place." I study her for a minute before speaking.
"Ok, so you're saying that you are...d...dea...dead. And you're only here because I need you to be and we are trapped in my mind? Well, if that's true, where am I really then?" She smiles at me softly and nods as she continues to explain.
"Yes, that's right. You, at this moment anyway, are in the hospital in a coma that you slipped into the moment the doctor told you I died. Which is why you need me right now. At least your mind believes that you do. I'm here to help you let go and see that you can live on without me." I interrupt her, not liking where this is going.
"And what if I don't want to live without you?" She squeezes my hand that I had forgot that she was holding.
"You're going to have to learn because I only have a week to help you move on and see that you can live without me or you'll stay in the coma and I'll just be gone." I stare into her eyes and see that she's sincere about what she's saying.
"Ok, then I'll try. But how many days has it been already?" I look down at our hands, scared of the answer.
"It's been three days. You were unconscious for right about seven hours before you woke up and the doctor told you what happened. The funeral was really happening at that moment when we were there. Your parents weren't sure about going since you're still in the coma but they decided that someone should be there in your place." She looks out to the crashing waves again before continuing. She clears her throat and starts speaking. "The doctor really didn't think you'd be out this long. So, he's a little worried about the effects that might happen from it with the accident and everything. But all tests are coming back negative, so it's all looking up and he's less worried now. Which also helps your parents as you can imagine."
I look her over. She looks just like she always has. So beautiful and perfect. I watch her as she continues watching the waves. I sigh happily, for the moment at least. And we stand there in that position for an unimaginable and immeasurable about of time. I turn to the ocean for a minute before turning to look at her again.
"Ok, so I'm going to be ok? I mean nothing too serious or anything?" She turns to me and nods softly. "Ok, then so what exactly is it that you have to tell me?"
"Oh, boy. Where to begin." She smiles at me and I can tell that she's thinking everything through in her head. "Well, I already told you what happened and why. Where I am and where you are. So, really now all I have to do is make you see that life will go on and I'll always be with you no matter what. Basically it's my job to help you say goodbye." I turn back to the water for a while. Then I smile at the memory that feels me.
"Do you remember the first time I brought you here?" I look at her and she smiles and nods softly.
"Yea, it was our third date and you said that you wanted to share something with me." I nod.
"Yea, and I could tell that you weren't sure about what I meant by that. But when I brought you here,"
"I was so happy because I hadn't had the time to come to the beach yet."
"Yea, and I really couldn't believe that since you had already been living here for almost a year."
"Yea, well. I was very busy just trying to get the hang of this life and everything. Especially the cost of everything out here. It was such a culture shock to me back then. But then I met you, everything was so much easier and better just knowing that you were there and I had you to talk to no matter what."
"Yea, and then the next day, we started your surfing training. Man that was an adventure." We start laughing as she continues with the story.
"Man, yes that was. I can't believe that after only like five hours we both were so ready to just give up." We laugh harder as we're transported back to that afternoon.
"Yes, well, I never once imagined that your balance would be so off." I shake my head and smile as our laughter starts to get a little bit out of control.
"Well, what can I say? You just do that to me." We both continue with our laughing and enjoying our trip down memory lane.
"Man, I can't believe that was years ago already. It doesn't seem possible that time could have gone by so fast." We're quiet while we work on calming our laughter down.
"See, it won't be so bad right? I mean, nothing can take the memories of us away." I look at her and turn my body to face her when I see her doing the same thing. "And I'll always be right in here," she places her hand over my heart, "for whenever you need me. And I'm watching over you and will be waiting for you to be with me again."
