Robyn had contemplated the entire scenario. She had deliberated time and time again if this would  be worth it. She’d been hurt, her heart and sanity turned upside down repeatedly by his affairs and she was through. She was done with him, the relationship, and this side of the Hudson River. The fighting was becoming too intense to endure any longer.

When Robyn fought with him, it was always like a scene from a movie. Things were thrown, glasses shattered, voices screaming and no one in the room is listening to the other. Verbal jabs turned into shoves and bodies slammed against the wall in hard thuds. The neighbors would remain quiet, never calling the police. Robyn assumed it was because they found her incompetent to stay with this man, in this tortuous affair where the outcome could never be resolved peacefully. So there she stayed, awaiting for the peace to arrive.

For her, peace was meant to be experience in the solitude of the partnerless. Having peace meant leaving everything and everyone behind to enjoy it. Peace meant making it happen wherever, whenever, and by however means, no matter the extremity of it. So she waited.

And waited.

After hours of waiting, her restlessness became anger. She stood from her seat and took her car keys. Her mind was racing everywhere. She was feeling the effects of her erratic nature when she walked through her door, leaving all of their belongings behind. If Robyn didn’t know any better, she may have mistook her behavior for being drunk and in some senses, she was drunk. She was drunk off of power and the need to let Justin go. She was drunk off the need to put on a show once again for the entire audience to witness.

Her anguished and clattered mind led her to go into the garage, take the car, and go for a drive. As she left the parking space, all she could think of was the way he left her that morning. He  was so sweet, so genuine. Robyn believed she was finally happy for once.

It was beautiful morning. They both awoke happy after having been in bliss for the past two nights. They didn’t argue, they didn’t fight, no one turned up bloodied and guilty afterwards with an apology. They made love the entire night, Robyn still reeling in the afterglow of it. Justin looked so calm and at peace, his face and demeanor placid as he held her naked body close to his.

They always contrasted. Her light brown skin against his pale complexion was the first and most obvious. It was much like that Prince song Robyn loved to listen to whenever she was cleaning around their home, Starfish and coffee. Justin would laugh whenever she would play that song but she dismissed him. He wouldn’t get it too much. It was metaphoric song and he wasn’t the metaphoric type.

Justin was a Jekyll and Hyde type of person, at least that is how Robyn put it. He had a dual personality about him that she didn’t know where exactly to place him. He could be very warm and inviting, as he had been that morning but then he’d have his dark times, as he had nights before, where he was very obnoxious, particularly cruel in the blink of an eye.

He would throw things at her. Break vases and glasses before grabbing her by the neck. He would shove her against the walls and scream at the top his lungs, making his face turn red from it all. Robyn could remember seeing the blue and green veins pop out of his neck as he yelled at her over a cheating accusation. The times when he was like this, Robyn felt alienated from herself.

The times when Justin was happy and sweet, Robyn felt safe. She felt wanted and needed, cared for. He would take her out to places, woo her with the ambiance of a restaurant, attempt to sing her a song in his awkward and squeaking voice but she loved it. She loved how he would bring her back to their home and continue to show her how much he cared.

She marveled his physique. If there was one thing about Justin that was consistent aside from him indiscretions, it was his exercise regime. He had a body that could rival the so called heartthrobs she saw on television and billboards across town. Robyn would go with him whenever he went to the gym and watch as he lifted the dumbbells bar in repetitions of four. That was her favorite exercise because it showed the mass of muscle he built in his arms and chest.

Robyn began to laugh as she drove towards the light. Her mind was going from flash to flash of her favorite things about Justin that she’d forgotten where she wanted to go. She looked to her left and saw the grand entrance of the building.

Grand Central Station. Many songs mentioned this very place. Many TV shows idolized this very spot. People from all over talked about this place as if it were a palace. This was the very spot that she and Justin had their first argument. She remembered it so vividly.

They were walking hand in hand, smiling as the feelings were fresh in their hearts. Robyn looked over at Justin just as a woman walked by. Justin watched the woman walk by, licking his lips as he smiled before turning towards Robyn. The look on her face wiped the grin from his.

“What was that?” She said angrily in her Barbadian accent, motioning her hand to the pot that woman passed.

Justin cleared his throat. He let go of Robyn’s hand and rubbed the back of his neck. Robyn didn’t take to kindly to the gesture.

“Why’d you let go of my hand?” She said angrily.

Justin sighed. “It’s not like that. I shouldn’t have looked at her. I’m sorry.”

He went to reach for Robyn’s hand again but was met with a slap to his face. The people walking around them began to stare as he rubbed the sore spot, angry that he was being embarrassed in public over a look.

Trying not to raise his voice, he said through clenched teeth, “What the fuck is your problem?”

Robyn shrugged. “I don’t know, you tell me what the problem is, Justin? You’re the one with the wandering eye.”

Justin looked around and saw the crowd begin to gather. He tried to grab her arm to make them leave but she jerked it back. He huffed and said, “Let’s go! You are making a scene.”

“I making a scene?” Robyn said pointing towards herself. She looked about the crowd and laughed. “You look at another woman’s ass and tell me, ‘I making a scene’?”

“Yes!” Justin screamed, letting his hand drop from his face. He looked through the corner of his eye and noticed more people stopping to stare. This wasn’t how he wanted to end the day. He tried to grab her again but she jerked her hand away again.

“You’re liar!” Robyn yelled as she looked at him, her blue hazel eyes darting back and forth daringly. “You can’t even keep your eyes to yourself. If you want to be with her so damn bad, go fuck her brains out. I’m sure you’d love to judging by how you were looking at her.”

“It was just a glance, Robyn!” He yelled. “All I did was stare. I didn’t touch her. I don’t even know her.”

“What’s with licking your lips then, huh?” Robyn said waving her hand. “And you grinned! You only grin when you are up to something.”

“I am not-” Justin said aloud but stopping because he saw it was useless. The argument was not going to end. It was either he apologized or he would be stuck with a very angry woman for the rest of the night.

Robyn remembered all too well how he apologized. When they got to home, he pressed her back against the wall and had his way with her. She smiled as she though of the feel of him inside of her. It was…pure ecstasy. She loved having sex with him and in some ways, it was a reason she stayed. As the neighbors have said, she was incompetent to leave.

She was about to pull away from the light when she saw Justin crossing the street, holding the hand of woman she did recognize. He was smiling, doing that side grin of his that she first argued with him about. She had no choice but to move her car forward as the traffic honked behind her. Adrenaline rushed her as she sped straight ahead and made a turn to come up on the opposite block.

Her heart had sunk. She knew he was cheating. She just knew it and that meant her suspicions from the morning were right. When they had sex the previous night she could’ve sworn she heard it. She could’ve sworn she heard him say the wrong name.

He held her hands above her head, watching her eyes roll back as he dived deeper into her body. His body drenched in sweat as her long legs wrapped around his torso. He bent down beside her ear, placing kisses to her collarbone as she sighed.

“Fuck, Naya!” Justin cried as he let go of Robyn’s wrists.

He slid deeper inside of her as Robyn wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down close to her sweat drenched body. Her hips moved in time with his, making a circle as their pace quickened. Her heart palpitated as she reached for Justin’s face, pulling his lips towards hers in a deep kiss when she felt that cool rush hit her spin. It trickled down, leaving goose bumps to prick her skin. Justin laid on top of her, wrapped in her long legs and sighed, feeling her fingertips trace the top of his head.

Robyn walked hurriedly into the station. In her anger, she looked around, searching for her shaved headed boyfriend when she felt someone bump her from behind. She grabbed the golden colored banister to catch her balance.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” The woman said as Robyn turned to look in her face. She was beautiful. Her olive toned skin and jet black hair made her exotic. Her brown eyes were slanted and defined by thick lashes. Her lips were small but pouty, a trait she had herself but on this woman, they were desirable. Robyn felt her breath leaver her but as her eyes fell of Justin’s, she saw the guilt fill his own. 

“Robyn, baby, look,” Justin began as he reached for her. “it’s not what it looks like.”

“I saw you.” Robyn said backing away from him. She could feel the tears beginning to fall as her temples throbbed. She was hurting, reeling in it.

“I saw you.” She repeated as she backed away. Justin tried to reach for her again. Trying to her to calm down when the woman he was with grabbed him.

“Justin, come on.” The woman said as Justin tried to get out of her grasp.

“Naya, please!” Justin said loudly as Robyn stopped and stared.

It was her. It was the woman’s name he called out that night. The beautiful, exotic woman from their first argument in this very station. She walked by and Justin licked his lips. He. Licked. His. Lips.

Justin tried to plead, tried to reason, but it was too late. Robyn reached inside of her back pocket and pulled it out. Her other friend she hid for times of defense. Times where she felt lost and decided Russian roulette was a game she dared to play. She watched Justin’s blue eyes bulge from his face as he stepped back, pushing Naya out of the way. 

“I saw you.” Robyn cried again, her hand holding onto the revolver. She saw the crowd forming around them but she didn’t care. She heard the murmurs, heard the frantic screams, and just didn’t care anymore. Her and Justin’s relationship had always been a show. Their arguments, their reconciliations, they were all a show for the people to see.

“Robyn, put the gun down.” Justin said cautiously, holding his hand up to stop Robyn from shooting. Naya stood behind him, holding onto his shirt tightly, crying into his back. Robyn saw how freighted she saw, saw her cries and could hear her pleads to Father God.

“I saw you.” Robyn repeated, cocking the gun back with her thumb.

She knew the consequence. If she murdered him before this crowd, it would be twenty-five years to life. She would grow old behind a cell and bars. She would not see her freedom ever again. The rational part of her was attempting to make her stop this nonsense. Robyn wanted to put the gun down. She could feel the sweat coming from her palms as she held the gun tighter, shaking her head back and forth as the tears fell and her temples throbbed.

“Please, Robyn, put the gun down. We can talk about this without the people here. Just me and you. No one else.”

She heard him. She could hear his soft voice but it was all becoming distant. Her temples throbbed again as she felt the trigger slowly disengage. She saw the crowd disperse for cover as Justin fell to the ground, Naya running from the scene as she stood, the gun still in her hand. The chest she had loved and adored was covered in red.

Red. Red was the color of her feelings. Red was the color she saw when she was happy. She saw it when she was angry. Now, Robyn saw red as she made a dash for the door. She hurried to her car, hearing the sirens in the distance as she started the engine and drove. When the sirens became distant, the realization of her actions finally hit her.

She’d committed a crime of passion, of angst. She didn’t want to kill Justin literally. She just wanted him to hurt as much as she did. Robyn looked in the rearview mirror and saw the carnage behind her. The squad cars were about to surround her when she felt the gun in her hand and looked down.

Peggy Sue. Faithful and true. She named her gun when she bought it a little before she met Justin. She brought it as protection and took it everywhere with her. It was pink with a crimson detail around the gauge. She loved Peggy Sue because she was silent. She was kept in Robyn’s glove compartment and stayed until this very night.

Robyn smiled as she thought of Justin’s face, right before she put Peggy Sue to her throbbing temples. There were no more sirens. No more drama. No more need for confrontation. It was just her and peace she craved for from the beginning.