I stood against the counter nervously, holding my iPhone tightly in my hand. My heart is beating in my chest; I’ve been holding this in for a week. I need to get it off my chest; I shouldn’t have to deal with this shit alone. I’m not a chicken for fucks sake. I’m brave; I don’t get scared of stupid shit. Step it up, Abbey.

            One more deep breath before I pressed the number in my phonebook.  Each ring felt like a step closer to the end of the cliff. I let out a short sigh of relief when I heard the automated voicemail and had to stop myself from hanging up.

            “Hey J, it’s me,” I cleared my throat, “Abbey. Obviously. I uh, I’m just wondering how you’re doing. I talked to my mother and she said your pops is doing better so… that’s good. Listen, I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately. Things have been hectic with work and everything.  You should stop by tonight. I got out of work early so I’m going to make some pasta. I’m home now so just stop by whenever. Ok, bye. Let me know.”

            I dropped my phone on the counter as if it suddenly became toxic and jumped up on the opposite counter bringing my legs to my chest and my head to my hands.

            Justin’s my best friend. My best friend since I was born. I’ve never in my life been nervous to talk to him. I sure as hell have never left such an awkward voicemail. There is only one possible way to fuck up enough that I’m nervous to talk to my best friend. Looks like I managed to find it.

            The hardest part is over. Ok, that’s obviously a lie. The hardest part will be when he’s here sitting across the table from me eating his pasta without any knowledge of the bomb I’m about to drop on him.

            A beep from my phone made me jump a foot in the air.

            Good deal, I get out at 7.

            Great.

            I jumped off the counter and grabbed some tomatoes, time to cook and get my mind off this shit.

            At exactly 7:24 the door opened, “Hey!” Justin called through the house.

            “I’m in the kitchen,” I called back, taking a few deep breaths before he came into the room. I feel like I’m going to faint, “Hey, how are you doing?”

            “Yeah, I’m good. What’s up? You alright?” he pulled me into a quick hug then pulled away looking me over carefully “What’s going on, are you alright?”

            “Yeah, I’m fine. You hungry?”

            “Are you sure?” he gave me one of those looks and leaned against the counter, looking into the living room, “What’s with the boxes? Where’s Matt?”

            For a man that’s usually completely oblivious to live in general he’s asking a lot of questions. “We broke up.”

            “What? Shit.” He came over to hug me again, “Are you alright?”

            “It’s fine, I broke up with him. It’s not a big deal.”

            He pulled away and smiled, “Oh, you broke up with him?” I nodded my head, “Well good. It’s about fucking time. I know you love him and shit but…”

            “I don’t think I loved him,” I broke in. I’m not good with the whole love thing. In fact, Matt was the first real life adult relationship I’ve ever had. We were together about 6 months but I don’t think I loved him. Sure, I probably liked him more than I’ve liked other guys, but love is such a strong word.

            Justin laughed, “That’s just because you’re so anti love.”

            “You should not be talking.”

            He chuckled and shrugged. It’s true, we’re not the best examples of the whole being an adult and being in relationships thing. He’s worse than I am though. Sure, Matt was my first relationship but he hasn’t even had one that lasted more than a month or so. Trust me, it’s not like either of us don’t get around, but the whole long-term thing just doesn’t work for us.

            “He was an ass anyway. The kid had no sense of humor.”

            “Yes he did!”

            “Abs, seriously?” he laughed, “You’re the funniest chick I know. You write for the current Emmy winning best comedy. You are the reason why SNL is only funny when I’m on It.” he paused to chuckle at himself, which he tends to do very often. “The kid never laughed. He was always so fucking serious. And his ears, his fucking ears! Those things are so big you know he heard everything. There’s no excuse.”

            “Be nice,” I slapped his arm.

            “I’m always nice,” he laughed and opened the pot of sauce, sticking the wooden spoon in and tasting it, “Mmm, good. Wait.  Hold up, that means no more box seats for the Lakers games?”

            You’d think I just told him he could never see his mother again. That was one of the good things about Matt, that he worked for the Lakers so we had a box just about any game we wanted. That was not the reason why I started dating him, I’ll make that clear, but it didn’t hurt.

            I laughed, “Sorry to break your heart J. but I think you can manage to get your own tickets.”

            “That’s not the point. Damn, you couldn’t have waited for playoffs to be over?”

            “You’re such an asshole.”

            “Whatever, it’s worth it. I’m proud of you, kid. Back to the single life! No more being boring and going to bed before 1 on a Friday night.  We’re going out. I got my partner in crime back!” he couldn’t fake that smile if he tired. He’s far too excited about this. “You know who’s been asking about you? Kenny. You remember Kenny? Want me to hook it up?”

            “No,” I laughed, “For godsake J, give me a fucking minute to deal with it.”

            “Oh please,” he chuckled grabbing a beer from the fridge for himself, “I’m just saying the best way to get over someone is to get under someone, ya know?”

            “Thanks for the concern, but I think I’m ok for now,” I rolled my eyes.

            My cell phone ringing woke me up, and woke Matt up who was lying next to me. I reached over and turned it off. “Who was that?” Matt asked, the annoyance in his voice clear. He knows who it is; I’ll never understand why he feels the need to ask.

            “Justin,” I answered before curling up to him.

            “Why is he calling you at 2:30 in the morning?”

            “Because he’s an idiot?” I answered with a laugh, “You know this. Shh, go back to sleep.”

            He took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around me, “I know he’s your best friend but that kid has some serious issues.”

            I laughed louder, I don’t know why it’s so funny when Matt talks shit about Justin. Obviously Justin has issues, but it’s not like I’m any better. It’s only a matter of time before Matt figures that out.

            Just as we began to doze off the doorbell rang.

            “You’ve got to be kidding.”

            “Just ignore it, he’ll go away.”

            It took Justin about 30 seconds before he started tapping on the bedroom window.

            “Really?” Matt asked in disbelief. I responded by falling into a fit of laughter.

            “Hey Matt, what’s up man?” Justin asked through the window with a chuckle, “Ya’ll leave the window open? It’s October, it’s freezing out here. We don’t live in the fucking Bahamas. What is wrong with you?”

            “Go away!” I called out with a laugh.

            “Come on Abs, let me in. It’s cold out here. At least open the curtains, I feel like an idiot out here talking to a window.”

            “You are an idiot talking to a window,” Matt answered.

            Justin laughed, “Alright, alright I’ll give you that. Come on!” he whined.

            “We’re sleeping. Call me tomorrow.”

            “I’m not leaving, you know that. Let me in or I’ll just stay out here talking all night.”

            I looked over at Matt who was rubbing his temples and shaking his head. “Fine, go around. I’ll give you ten minutes.”

            “Thank you. Night night Matt!”

            I stopped my chuckling when I saw the look covering Matt’s face. “I’ll be back in like ten minutes.”

            “That man really needs some help. He acts like he’s a 20 year old frat boy.”

            I smiled and kissed Matt quickly, “Goodnight, I’ll be back soon.”

            “Can we have a serious talk for a minute?” I asked after we finished dinner. I know it’s not like me to be serious ever, but here we go. We’re both about to grow up real fast.

            “A serious talk?” he chuckled, “What does that mean? I don’t know if it’s possible but we can try.”

            “No, a real serious talk.”

            “You’re shaking,” Justin said looking at me carefully, “What’s going on?”

            I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I could feel him watching me but was too scared to open them. “I’m pregnant.”

            “You’re pregnant?” he asked confused. I nodded my head and slowly opened my eyes to see his reaction. He looked past me, starring into space. “Well I wasn’t expecting that one,” he chuckled,  “Shit.”

            “Yeah, shit” I repeated.

            “So you’re pregnant?” I nodded my head again. “And you just broke up with Matt?” another head nod. “So he’s not the father?” I shook my head as he worked it out on his own. I sure as hell hope he can work it out on his own; I’m not ready to do much more explaining. “Do you know whose it is?”

            I swallowed hard and nodded my head.

            Justin licked his lips nervously, “Is it mine?” he asked in a whisper.

            I couldn’t answer. I didn’t have to. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before walking to the fridge and grabbing two beers. He opened them quickly and took a long swig before pushing the other across the table to me.

            “I can’t…”

            “Right,” he answered before placing it back in front of him and taking another long swig. I watched him carefully, neither of us saying a word.

            I felt a tear fall down my face, “I’m really sorry.”

            “You’re sorry?” Justin chuckled, looking up at me for the first time. “Why are you crying? Don’t cry, you don’t cry. It’s not your fault. It’s just…” it was a minute later that he finally continued, “Alright. It’s not that big of a deal. I mean, we’ll look on the bright side.”

            “The bright side?” I chuckled and wiped my eyes, “I’m pretty sure there’s not exactly a bright side.”

            “Sure there is. I mean, there’s gotta be a bright side.” He licked his lips nervously, “Alright we’re old enough to have kids. That’s something.”

            “We may be old enough but we’re not exactly mature enough.”

            He laughed. “I mean, honestly, the fact that I’ve made it this long without knocking someone up is pretty impressive. And you too. I mean, no offense or anything, but we’ve both had our share of… ya know… partners?”

            I laughed at his way with words.

            “It’s true!” he laughed, “So, what I’m saying is this situation could have been way worse.  It’s not like I got some random girl pregnant. And it’s not like you just got knocked up by some guy you’re never going to see again. This… this is good. We’re best friends. We’ve been best friends since we were kids. We’re together all the time anyway. We can share a kid.”

            “Share a kid?” I laughed, “Are you even listening to yourself? That is proof you are so not ready to be a father.”

            “I am ready to be a father. Fuck you.” he paused and grabbed another beer, letting this news actually sink in. “OK, maybe we’re a little screwed.’

            “More than a little.”

            “Royally fucked?” Justin asked with a chuckle, “It’s cool, we got this. We’re looking on the bright side.”

            “Seriously there is not much bright side.”

            “Of course there is! It’s not Matt’s, that’s the biggest bright side ever. The kid will have a sense of humor. And it won’t have his ears! That’s the best news. Sure, it might have my nose but even that’s not as bad as the ears.”

            I laughed and played with the food on my plate.

            “Our moms are going to be excited. That’s a bright side. I’m pretty sure my mother thought I’d never give her a grandkid. Either that or she thinks I have one that I’m hiding from her. She’ll be relieved it’s with you and she’ll be able to see the thing whenever she wants.”

            “The thing?”

            “Yeah, the thing. What am I supposed to call it?

            “The baby, maybe?” I rolled my eyes.

            He chuckled, “Whatever, you know what I mean.” He grabbed one last beer before sitting back down. “What I don’t get is how. I mean, I get how but… We never have sex, ever. We never even fucking looked at each other in any way like that.  Then the one time, we’re snowed in and drunk and we fuck and this is what happens?”

            “Really drunk.”

            “Yeah, alright. Really drunk. That’s my point. How were you not on birth control? You had a fucking boyfriend!”

            My mouth dropped open, “Fuck you, I was on birth control. I was taking antibiotics. How did you not have any condoms?”

            He laughed, “Don’t even turn this around and make it all my fault.”

            “I thought you said it wasn’t my fault. How fast things change.”            “It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault either. It’s Jack and Captain’s fault.”

            I laughed and shook my head, “We’re going to be such shit parents.”

            Justin looked at me seriously, “It’s weird how we can laugh about this. I mean, it’s not that weird given it’s us and we’re two of the most immature, irresponsible people on the earth. But when you really think about it…” he stopped talking for a few seconds before he continued in a whisper, “A fucking kid.”

            I nodded my head, unable to think of anything to actually say. He’s right though, we are two of the most irresponsible people in the world. We’re always out to have a good time, which is fine but seriously, what the fuck were we thinking? We’re best friends, practically siblings. It’s disgusting really that it even happened. And now I’m going to have this thing and we’re supposed to just share a kid like we’d share gardening equipment.

            We laugh and fool around too much.  We do it because that’s how we deal with shit. We don’t look into things too deeply because we don’t like getting hurt or having to deal with stuff. It’s so much easier to mask everything with a laugh and a smile.

            We’re both being incredibly naive with this, and I know we’re going to figure that out sooner rather than later.