I knew Trace was sending Abbey dirty looks for the entire car ride, obviously pissed about the fact that I kissed her right before our journey started, and even more pissed that I made out with her at the rest stop for about ten minutes.  It was slightly embarrassing.  I could tell Abbey wanted to smack me for getting her riled up in front of the rest of the group.  We held the trip up and my brothers looked at me like I’d gone off the deep end when I got back into the limo, but I didn’t care.  I was happy with Abbey, I was bonding with my brothers, and the fact that I no longer trusted my best friend wasn’t so imminent in those moments.

After though, it continued to hit me like a ton of bricks.

I wanted to holler at Trace for treating Abbey like a piece of shit once we got here too, but with everything going on, I knew it was better to keep my mouth shut.  One wrong word out of my mouth could have caused him to do something drastic, and I promised certain people that I would be on my best behavior this weekend, act like everything was perfectly normal.

Thursday morning I went into work, and immediately called Alice, my head of accounting, up to my office.  She gets real nervous when I do that, because it’s rare that I ever need to contact her outside of our Monday run through and the weekly accounting  call I do from my car or office with her and her team.  

“Close the door,” I said to her softly, as I craned my neck around her body, making sure Trace wasn’t standing around outside.

She swallowed hard as she did as I asked, and clutched her clipboard tightly to her chest.  

“You’re not in any trouble,” I reassured her with a light smile.  “Sit down.”

“Oh,” she let out a nervous giggle and covered her mouth with her hand.  “Sir, I’m...I’m sorry.  You scared me.”

I nodded and waited until she sat down to ask the question.  “How fast can you pull up client account histories?”

She cocked her head to the side.  “It shouldn’t take more than a few minutes.”

“What about private files?” I said, looking down at my desk this time.  “Executive level ones that are password protected.  The ones that you never review?”

She was silent for several moments.  She knew whatever I was about to have her do was serious business, something she never had to deal with since I’d been named CEO.  “I’d...I’d have to get IT on it.  I might be able to get you the reports by the end of the day.  Sir, what’s going on?”

I sighed heavily.  “I need you to look into Trace’s files, public and private.  Check every account, every transfer, every trade, every share buy in.  Make sure all the funds balance.  Can you do that, without telling anybody?”

“I...” she trailed off and I knew I’d just scared the shit out of her.  “I, well, yes I can...”

“Then please...do it,” I whispered.  “Get it done by the end of the day.  Partner with Lawrence in IT.  He’s the best one.”

She just nodded, and got up from the chair.  “I’ll have something for you by four.”

“Thanks.”  I got up myself and walked her to the door.  “If you need to call, just dial my extension directly.  I don’t want anybody else to know about this, is that clear?”

“Of course,” she nodded again as I opened the door, and she walked out of my office without looking back.

I let the door close behind her and walked over to my windows, staring out of them for a while, trying to make sense of everything that was running through my mind.  Was it true? Was the person I trusted the most really stealing money from the company? And if that was the case, why? Trace had money, lots of money, and I had made sure of that.  He had no reason to steal, unless something really bad was going on outside of work that he’d neglected to tell me.  I tried to think, was it drugs, alcohol, gambling? None of those things made sense to me.  I knew Trace liked to drink, but so did I and he’d never been a sloppy drunk in all the time I’d known him.  And drugs, that just didn’t seem like a possibility either.  Trace had his head together, he was never late, and I spent so much time with him, that I would have figured out if he had a problem like that. Gambling? It could have been possible, but at the same time Trace was never a big gambler, except when it came to buying and trading stock for our clients and for himself.  

The word greed flashed itself across my mind.

I really didn’t want to accept that as the answer though.

But he’d been greedy the first time he embezzled money too, I was sure, even though I hadn’t known him back then.  Maybe Trump was right.  Once a thief always a thief...

I prayed he was wrong.  I wanted to prove to him that he was, so we could all move on with the deal comfortably.  

I tried to go on with the day as normally as possible, busying myself with international clients, and a few big buy in opportunities.  I didn’t see Trace much the whole day.  He only stuck his head through my door once, to tell me about some client that had just bought millions worth of stock from us.  I tried to be excited, but in the back of my mind all I could think was that he probably couldn’t be trusted with such a big account.  I made a note to myself to look into it, and transfer that account to one of my other partners if I could.

When four o’clock rolled around, I nearly forgot that Alice would be coming up to my office.  I was on the phone when she knocked and peeked her head in the door, and even though I was dealing with a pretty important client on the phone, I politely told him that I would call him right back, and hung up the phone.  “What’s going on?” I said, my voice quivering, my stomach doing flip flops as I sat there with my fist balled up on top of the desk.

She approached me slowly and took a seat as she slid a manilla folder across my desk.  “At first everything checked out,” she told me.  “All the public accounts line up.  He’s been taking the correct salary for all those.  Then...when we broke into the private file, things were different.  There’s been some...skimming.  Five hundred here, seven hundred there, and it seems every six months there would be a very large amount taken...five to ten thousand dollars.  It looks like it’s been going on for a few years, sir.  Even before you were promoted.”

I peered down at the paperwork, my eyes scanning the lines that Alice had highlighted as proof.  “How much?” I rasped.

“As of today...nine hundred and eighty thousand, and I have reason to believe that the number will grow by the end of the week.  Do you want to freeze his access to the network?”

I shook my head, partially because I couldn’t believe it, but also because I knew I couldn’t take action right away.  I had to call Mac, talk to the right people.  I wasn’t stupid.  I knew that the authorities were going to need more evidence, and so locking Trace out of the network was out of the question.  “No, that’s all I need from you,” I told her quietly as I shut the folder.  “Thank you.  I’ll let you know if there’s anything else.”

She got up from the chair and quickly walked over to the door.  I covered my face with my hands, sure she was about to leave, but then I heard her begin to speak again and I snapped out of it.

“Maybe it isn’t my place sir,” she whispered.  “But it...it seems very unlike him.  Mr. Ayala, I mean.  He’s always been very mindful of our department.  He’s even...caught mistakes that we’ve made with his public accounts, which would have benefitted him financially if he hadn’t said something.  If there’s any possibility that somebody else might be doing this, would you please look into it?”

Alice wasn’t a brown noser.  In fact, in the three years she’d been working with me, I never saw her buddy up with anybody.  Not even the people in her own department.  Hearing her talk like that about Trace made me even more confused.  It was like, she just couldn’t believe he’d do it.  That he was above it.  Maybe I would have believed her if it hadn’t been for the story that Trump told me.

But he did tell me.  He told me and Trace never had, even though we trusted each other with every important thing in our lives.  I just couldn’t shake that off.

“I will,” I reassured her softly.  “Thank you, Alice.”

When she walked out I got on the phone with Mac right away.  When I finished explaining my situation to him, he was more blunt with me than he’d ever been before.  

“It’s a global investment firm that you run, Justin,” he told me.  “That means the Feds will need to be involved.  Are you absolutely sure about this? It’ll probably get messy.”

“Look,” I muttered.  “I don’t like this any better than you do.  I don’t want to involve the FBI with this, Mac.  Do you know what kind of press I’m going to get? I just...I don’t have another explanation.  The money isn’t there, and it may not be half the value of this company, but it’s still a good amount of money that people have invested.  I need the situation rectified before it gets worse.”

“I’ll contact the right people,” he said softly.  “Don’t talk about this with anybody, Justin.  Got it?”r32;

“Yeah. I got it,” I grunted, and slammed the phone down.

It put me in a foul mood, the whole fucking thing.  It’s why I’ve been treating Abbey like crap, well, up until we headed here.  I didn’t even realize how much I’d been neglecting her, what an asshole I was turning into.  We went to dinner, had a great walk back to my place after, yeah, but she was right, most of me wasn’t with her then.  I was focused on too many other things, so I had no choice but to explain myself, even though I didn’t want to involve her.

I’m glad I did though.  She gets it, she understands what I’m going through and she’s here for me.  I don’t get it.  I don’t get why she sticks by me.  I haven’t been the best person.  Sure, I’m changing now, I guess, but still...I don’t feel that I deserve her compassion.

That’s what makes Abbey so great.  She’s kind, forgiving, and accepting of every type of person.  We’re like oil and water, but for some reason, we are starting to blend nicely. It’s a fluke that we met, and that we’re sort of together.  If that boyfriend of hers didn’t die over in Afghanistan she’d be happily married by now.  I’m sure of that.  I’d love to know more about the type of guy he was too.  What types of things he did for her that she loved.  I’m starting to realize that there’s so much about her that I don’t know.  I feel like I’ve been so busy pouring my soul out to her, and thrusting my brothers in her care that I haven’t really given her the chance to express herself.

I have to start talking to her more...about her, about what she loves, what she hates.

I mean, if I want her to stay with me.

And I do.

“Is this a hotel?” Austin asked me when the limo finally came to a stop in front of my beach house.  His eyes were wide as he gazed out the window, obviously impressed with the size of the place.

I decided to buy the house when I first received my promotion.  It was sort of a celebration gift to myself.  Looking back on it now I think I may have gone a little bit too over the top.  I mean, it’s not exactly a house.  It’s more of a mansion really.  It seems a shame that I only come up here in the summers, when it would probably be an ideal place to live all year round.  I don’t like winters in the Hamptons though.  Everything is barren and cold, and there’s always so much snow.  The city is better.  They clear the streets and I’m able to get out.  

“No,” I laughed and eyed Abbey who was staring out the window as well.  “It’s a house, buddy.”

“That’s what you call a house?” Abbey scoffed.  “Justin, it’s the size of a couple of city blocks.”

I just shrugged, felt my face burning a little.  “Well, there’s more room for everyone that way.”

“Maybe you should use the extra space to your advantage,” Trace grunted at me before pushing his way out of the limo.

Sydney snorted as she guided Kristy out with her.  I made sure to glare at her too, but she didn’t seem to care.  I knew she felt the same way as Trace about me and Abbey kissing, but at the same time it wasn’t any of her business.  Hell, it wasn’t Trace’s either.  He wasn’t even my best friend anymore.  He was a liar and a cheat, and it made me sick that I had to be within an arms length of him, and act like everything was completely cool.

The boys ran ahead of us once we were all out of the limousine, and raced each other up to the house.  It was apparent to me that Trace, Sydney, and Kristy had already made it a point to separate themselves from the rest of the group, but that was just fine with me.  It meant Abbey and I would have some much needed privacy, and I couldn’t have been happier.

“Boys!” she groaned loudly.  “Wait!”

“Let ‘em go,” I said to her softly, and pulled her hand into mine.  “They can’t get lost.”

“Yeah, right,” she grunted.

“Hey,” I huffed.  “Look, I know...the trip here wasn’t the best...”

“It’s fine Justin.”  We stopped walking then, and she turned to me.  “It...it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.  I mean, you and Austin...that’s something, you know?”

I shrugged, and looked down at the hand that was grasping hers, feeling myself start to smile once again.  “Yeah.”

I mean, it was something, Austin and I bonding.  At first I wasn’t going to get out of the car when we stopped at the store, but then the soccer ball hit my window, and I looked up to see Austin struggling with his moves.  It made me think back to when I was a kid, how nobody ever helped me practice.  I was always on my own.  Austin didn’t deserve that, he deserved better.  It made me toss my laptop to the side and get out of the car.

The best thing? The look on Abbey’s face when she caught me hugging my brother.  I knew she was proud, and well...I guess it made me feel proud too.  Proud that I’d connected with him, that we weren’t fighting for once.

If I can keep this thing going, it’ll be really great.

“C’mon,” Abbey giggled next and pulled on my hand.  “I want the grand tour, before I get lost myself.”

I did as she asked with a smile.  It didn’t take me long to show her around...because we never got through the tour.  The boys had discovered the vintage pinball machine in the living room, and were taking turns playing that while I showed Abbey the upstairs.  Trace and his counterparts were off in another wing as well.  So, when I showed her the master suite, and closed the door, she definitely got the hint.

“Justin...” she trailed off and laughed as I pressed her up against the wall.  “The boys.”

“That pinball will keep them busy for at least an hour or two,” I smirked and ran my fingers over her cheek.  “C’mon, you got me all hyped up earlier.  I can’t wait until tonight.”

She rolled her eyes.  “Really...you’re a pig.”

I leaned in closer.  “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

But she barely looked at me when she said it.

So I kissed her.

I think it was the quietest I ever made love to a woman.  It was a beautiful thing though, very different for me.  Abbey stared into my eyes as I stripped her down naked.  I kissed her lips, her face, her neck and breasts as she yanked my shirt off of my body, pushed me down and climbed on top of me next.  She unbuckled my belt, yanked off my jeans and boxers...took me right there, right on top of the freshly made bed linens.  

We fucked good and hard, and I needed that from her.  I needed it so badly.  I needed to get all of my aggressions out of my system so I could guarantee Abbey and the boys a great weekend.  I think she could sense that too.  I think she expected me to do what I did, and even though she’d never admit it, I know she loved it too.  When we have sex, she seems to transform slightly.  She’s not the serious woman I’ve come to know.  She lets go, she’s a little wild, likes to push me around and let me bite her.  It’s fucking hot as hell.

I think...I think she’s the best I’ve ever had, and that’s so weird, considering I’ve dated and spent the night with some of the most beautiful women in New York City.  It’s like she’s this diamond in the rough...irreplaceable.

At this point, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her.  That makes me want to hold her so close, keep her right next to me always, but I know how psycho that makes me sound, and I can’t...I can’t be that possessive.

It’s scary because I’m starting to realize I don’t think I could live without her.  I couldn’t tell her.  She might get the wrong idea.

She might think that I’ve fallen in love with her.

And I can’t fall in love.  I’m just...incapable of it, of giving up that much of myself to somebody else.  I think Abbey is the closest I’ve ever come to it, in fact.  This is as far as I go though.  I know that.  I love business, I love money. Period.  I care about her, but I can’t love her.

I’m trying to avoid that whole discussion with her for as long as possible, too.

Dinner was awkward last night.  There’s plenty of places to hide in the house, but when it comes to eating, there’s only one spot everybody can sit down.  Trace and Sydney sat at the table in silence as the boys and Kristy bantered playfully back and forth.  Abbey made dinner, even though I knew she hated cooking for my so called friends.  She kept a smile on her face though, for the kids.  I tried to eat quickly.  It was hard though.  Her meatloaf is fucking awesome, and I had two helpings.  She told me I was cute when I asked for more and patted my cheek with that soft gentle smile I’ve come to like so much.  I could feel Trace’s eyes boring into the side of my head while she did it too.

But I managed to ignore him.

Trace and Sydney skulked off to their designated wing of the house after dinner, dragging Kristy with them.  I knew she didn’t want to go.  The boys were getting settled in with a movie, and she wanted to watch too, but Sydney practically dragged her out of the room, and I wasn’t about to stop her.  Things were fucking weird enough as it was.

“Why can’t Kristy stay?” Austin pouted.

I looked at Abbey and I could tell she felt bad.  They were sort of bonding...Austin and Kristy.  Actually, I think she was the only kid he had sort of befriended since I moved him to the city.  Things were too complicated for them to be so close of course, but I couldn’t tell him that.

“You can play with her tomorrow,” I said, trying to supply a genuine smile for him.

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms as the movie started to play, but didn’t mention it again.  It meant he didn’t believe my excuse, but didn’t feel like arguing with me.  I was fine with that.  I wasn’t in the mood to discuss it with him anymore, either.  

Abbey curled up against my chest as the boys watched the movie.  It was called Toy Story.  I felt weird because I found myself getting into it.  I liked the story line about Buzz  Lightyear and Woody, found myself laughing at the same things my brothers found amusing.  It hit me that I hadn’t watched anything so juvenile since I was about eight years old.  I was an overly mature child.  I stopped watching cartoons and children’s programming at an early age, because I was focused on other things...like how to get out of Memphis without being able to read that well.  

It occurred to me that a huge part of my childhood was missing.  That...I hadn’t really experienced a complete one, and it was the reason why it was hard for me to understand my brothers feelings at times.  It was crazy.  I mean, all it took was a Disney movie to make me realize that.  Well, that and Abbey too I guess.  Abbey made me think about who I was, what I was missing out on.

I pulled her closer to me, pressed my nose into her soft blonde hair and breathed her in.

We put the boys to bed once the movie ended, and I fell asleep next to her after we made our way to my bedroom.  I wrapped my arms around her naked, warm, silky smooth body.  I liked her naked next to me as we slept, even if we didn’t have sex.  It was comfortable for me, and she seemed comfortable with it, as long as I took my clothes off too.

That wasn’t an issue for me.

We got up early this morning, and took the boys to see some lighthouses around the area.  It was nice, peaceful.  There weren’t too many other tourists around invading our space, so we let the boys run around for a little while at each site.  At one point we stopped and had some lunch at a little place off the road.  They had some really good seafood.  The boys won’t touch the stuff though.  Luckily they had hot dogs to compensate.  Abbey said she liked it there because the staff spoke English.

She’ll never let me live that down.

“Justin.”

I toss the ball up in the air and catch it as we walk along the private section of beach in the front of my property.  The sun is setting now, we had dinner about an hour ago.  Trace took Sydney and Kristy somewhere, so it wasn’t as awkward as last night’s meal.  I haven’t spoken to him all day, but that’s fine.  At some point though, I need to talk to him, to try and get him to talk to me about this on his own.  It’ll be easier if he just confesses, and I know that.

But Trace is stubborn, and crafty.  He won’t give in easily.

“Yeah?”

Davey didn’t feel like coming down to the beach tonight.  He barely talked, just wanted to cuddle with Abbey, so I said I would take Austin, so she could spend a quiet evening with Davey on the couch.  I think he’s tired, that’s all.  Abbey seemed pretty worn out from today too though, so it worked out.  I promised Austin a walk on the beach on the way up here, just us, and now is a good a time as any.

“Is...Is Abbey your girlfriend now?”

I stop walking, and chuckle a little as I drop the soccer ball down on the sand and step on it with my right foot.  “I...well, we’re...you know...”

“You guys were kissing,” he huffs and cross his arms.  

He’s not dumb, and I shouldn’t pretend that I can fool him.  At the same time though, I can’t even answer that question myself.  I don’t know what Abbey and I are.  We’re...having fun I guess.  I care about her.  Does that make us a couple? I have no clue, and I’m not ready to give us that title.  “We’re figuring it out,” I tell him, as if he’ll completely get it.

“I want her to be your girlfriend,” he says softly.  “You’re...you’re better when she’s with you.”

He sounds entirely too mature.  The kid is twelve.  He’s not supposed to care about romance or who I’m sleeping with.  I see myself in him.  Myself at his age, except he’s a hell of a lot more educated than I was.  “Well I like being around Abbey,” I say with a small nod.  “Are you okay with that?”

He shrugs.  “I love Abbey,” he says quietly.  “She reminds me of mom.”

I breathe in slowly and exhale.  It hits me hard, what he said, right in the heart.  It was the last thing I expected him to say, the last thing I wanted to hear.  I don’t want to compare Abbey to my mom, because...it’ll just depress the hell out of me.  “Abbey isn’t mom,” I tell him slowly.  “Okay?”

He hangs his head low.  “I...I just...she’s gentle like mom was, that’s all.”

I continue to walk along the beach and kick the ball out in front of me.  Austin follows suit, doesn’t talk, runs forward to kick the ball around too.  It’s weird with us.  Suddenly, we understand each other more than I ever thought we would.  I realize we’ve butted heads all this time because we’re exactly alike, not because he has an issue.  I was an idiot for treating him like he had one.  I was an idiot for doing a lot of the things I’ve done to him.  “Are you happy here, Austin?”

He stops and picks up the ball, tucking it under one arm as he turns to face me.  “I have to be here,” he whispers.

“Yeah,” I shrug.  “But...are you okay? Are you happy? I want to know if you’re not so I can fix it.”

“I miss mom and dad,” he states.  “I miss Memphis, but...things are better....than they were, and Davey is happier than he was before too.  I’ll be okay.”

We continue to walk along after he tells me that.  At one point I drape my arm over his shoulders, and he doesn’t pull away.  It means he’s comfortable being alone with me, for the first time ever.  “Remember that box you threw down into mom’s grave,” I ask him suddenly.

He’s very quiet for a while as we continue to walk.  “Yeah,” he finally croaks.

“You wanna tell me what it was?”

“It was a picture of you.”

I stop walking and so does he.
r32;“Why?” I rasp, not quite believing what he’s just told me.

“She always said that she hoped you would come back one day,” he says to me slowly, not quite meeting my gaze.  “I just thought if...I did that, she would always have you with her.”

I don’t want to cry.  I won’t, because I’m his older brother and I have to set an example of how to be strong.  I’m a wall street giant who doesn’t succumb to his emotions.  I bite my lip, because I’m about to sob.  

“I know you miss them,” Austin says to me sadly.  “You don’t have to say anything, Justin.  I didn’t get enough time with them either.”

He holds his hand out to me.

I don’t think, I just take it.

I want things to be different.  I want to be everything to him, somebody he can look up to and count on.  I have to be.  I can’t let him spiral down anymore, keep getting into fights, getting suspended.  That’s all gotta end, because he’s a good kid.  He deserves better.

I really...I really love him, and Davey too.

I think they’re the first people, since my parents, that I’ve allowed myself to love.

I feel another part of me come alive inside.

The sun sinks lower into the horizon, and it starts to get darker.  I tell Austin we should probably head inside, and he agrees.  We slowly walk back up to the house, still holding hands.  He starts talking to me, telling me some joke about a bear and a horse, and I try to find the sense in it, laughing at him when I can’t.  He asks me if I’ll come to his first soccer game, and I promise him that I will.  When we reach the front porch, he hugs me quickly before racing inside, calling out Davey’s name.

My gaze lingers after him, and then I hear the sound of somebody clearing their throat off to the left.

Trace is sitting on the porch with a beer, staring at me with the most disgusted look on his face.  I feel my smile fade away to nothing.

I guess I have to deal with this situation now too.

“There something you wanna say?” I grunt at him.

He puts his beer down on the wooden floor, before rocking himself a little in the rocker he’s seated in.  “I just hope you know what you’re doing, that’s all,” he whispers.

“I know what I’m doing,” I say, trying not to sound angry as I take a seat next to him.  “But lately, man, I feel like your head is in another place.”

He frowns and grows a little bit distant.  “I’ve felt like something has been off with you since you went off with Trump,” he confessed.  “You barely look at me anymore.”

I’m quiet.  I don’t know what to say to him, because whatever I say will hint at the truth.  “I feel like you’re going through something,” I tell him.

He crosses his arms.  “Why the hell would you think that?”

He’s defiant, defensive, a sure fire sign that he’s hiding something.  “I’ve known you for a long time.  I can just tell.”

“The only thing that’s bothering me, is this shit with Abbey,” he snaps.  “Really, J? I mean...what the hell? You act like you’re sick in fucking love with this girl, making out with her like some dumb kid.”

I laugh, and rub my face with my hand.  “You’re wrong,” I tell him.  

“No.”  He gets up from the chair.  “I’m not, and if you get distracted...”

“You know, it’s really none of your fucking concern anyway,” I snap at him, causing him to stop mid sentence and stare at me.  “I don’t say shit to you about Sydney, and I can’t fucking stand her.”

He scoffs.  “Well that’s news to me.”

“Yeah,” I nod.  “Well now you know.”

“What the fuck ever, Justin.” He pushes himself up harshly from the chair.  “Do whatever you want, but don’t bring this shit to work.”

I don’t say anything, don’t look at him as he storms back into the house and slams the door closed behind him.

That went well.