Seventeen
From the moment I stepped out of the limousine, I immediately realized what it meant to be as rich as Justin. His “beach house” is really more of a mansion set up on a private section of beach. It could house a family of twelve without much strain, and I just can’t fathom why Justin would need a house so large when he only comes up here in the summers. I guess it must be an investment, owning the property. One day when he’s old he’ll have all this place to pass on to Austin, Davey, and...if he has any, his own children. Real Estate is a good investment, so I’ve heard.
But what the hell do I know about money?
I sit on the beach, knees drawn up to my chest, smiling as I watch Davey put the final touches on the magnificent sand castle that Justin helped him build. Justin and Austin are out, knee deep in the ocean water, splashing each other and laughing.
It’s been a good weekend, for the most part.
Trace and Sydney have avoided us like the plague since we got up here, aside from that first night at dinner. It doesn’t bother me in the least. It’s been better without them hovering over us. I can tell it’s still bothering Justin though, despite his suspicions about Trace stealing money. A small part of him is damaged because of his falling out with his best friend, and I can’t blame him for feeling this way. The boys have been keeping his spirits up of course. They’ve really bonded this trip, out of nowhere. It’s like, all of a sudden Justin wants to play with them, to teach them things. I’m not exactly sure what brought it on...but it shouldn’t matter. The point is, when we get back to the city the boys will have somebody besides me to look up to, to confide in. They need that. They need a family lifestyle.
I mean, who knows how long I’ll be around?
I hate to think that way. I love the boys, and Justin...well, I know I care about him too. I can’t tell him that I love him, even though I know I do. He isn’t the type to fall in love. Deep inside I just...I know that. I don’t want it to upset me either. I shouldn’t be ready to fall completely in love with him. Maybe I’m overreacting and I need to tone my feelings down. How can I though, when he’s always all over me, touching me, feeling me up when his brothers are out of the room or aren’t paying attention? Then his lips...they’ll land so gently on my skin, kiss me tenderly, and I fall apart. All I see is him and his smile. All I feel is his protective embrace around me, and I fall in love with him completely. Maybe I’m a pushover.
Maybe this is getting dangerous.
I can’t help myself anymore, though. I like being with him, as annoying and childish as he can be at times. I want to stick by him right now, because...when all this shit comes out about Trace, he’ll need somebody he can count on to get him through it. That’s me. There’s nobody else in the whole damn city that can understand him like I do, and I know that.
So I’ll push my anxieties to the side for the time being. Just be thankful that I’m here, that he’s here, and that the boys are doing really well for the first time since I’ve been around.
“Hey baby.” Justin runs up from the water and plops down beside me, draping a wet arm around my shoulders.
“God, you’re slimy.” I groan, trying to pull away from him. He doesn’t allow it, he pulls me down onto him as he leans back into the sand, laughing when I protest. “Justin I just oiled myself for sun tanning!” I whine. “Now I have sand and sea grime all over me.”
He plants a hard kiss on my mouth. “Hey, I’ll oil you up again. I have no complaints.”
I roll my eyes and succeed in pulling away from him this time. “I’m sure you’ll attempt to do more than that, and there are children around.” I shake my head and run my hands through my hair and down my body, trying to get most of the sand off, only stopping when I feel him behind me, his strong hands massaging my shoulders. My eyes close. It feels so damn good, that I can’t be annoyed with him anymore. Moments later I feel him rubbing the tanning oil on my back. “Who taught you how to be a romantic,” I chuckle, opening my eyes slightly to make sure the boys are far enough away where they can’t hear us.
“Oh it comes naturally,” he says, with spunk in his voice. “Like my good looks.”
“Asshole.”
He just laughs, continues to massage my back and shoulders with the oil, sneaking kisses on the sides and back of my neck every few seconds. It really is the perfect day. I don’t want tomorrow to come. Tomorrow is Monday which means Justin will start to get back into the work mindset, and I have no idea what kind of transition it will be for us on Tuesday when Austin goes back to school and our lives begin to get back to normal. It scares me to think we may drift apart slightly. I mean, maybe we won’t. Justin is better, more aware of peoples feelings...right?
I mean, yeah, he has to be, after everything that’s gone on.
“What was he like?”
He stops massaging my shoulders and pulls me back against him. I look up into his face, slightly confused. “Who?”
“You know...Braeden.”
I pause, not quite sure how to react. It’s weird that he would ask, but a little bit sweet at the same time. I didn’t think he really cared, up until this point. At the same time though, it’s not my favorite topic of discussion, especially with Justin. I mean, it’s usually weird to talk about the previous relationships you’ve had with your boyfriend, if we had labeled what we are anyway. “Why?”
He shrugs. “I’m just...trying to get a better feel for you, that’s all.”
I sit up a little and turn my body slightly so I can face him. “Why would talking about him help you get a better feel for me?”
He looks down at the sand and I know he must feel foolish. It’s a legit question though, at least I think so. Shouldn’t Justin be trying to find out more about me on his own? I don’t want him to compare himself to Braeden, that’s for damn sure. Braeden is irreplaceable. Justin seems to need instructions on how to be a good boyfriend. It’s like...he’s never had to be one before. It doesn’t surprise me, but at the same time it makes me sick to my stomach.
“I...I just thought it would,” he mumbles.
“That’s the wrong way to go about it, don’t you think?” I say to him coldly, even though a big part of me doesn’t want to.
He just shrugs.
“The kids are getting too much sun,” I say quickly as I push myself to my feet. “I’m taking them in to cool off.”
“Ab, come on,” he whispers. “Don’t run off.”
“I feel fucking awkward right now,” I huff as I begin to gather the things I brought out here with me. “You just...I don’t know. You should think before you talk, you know?”
“I thought you were comfortable talking about this with me,” he says.
“That doesn’t mean I need to share the intimate details of...the relationship I had with him.” I stuff my backpack full and sling it over my shoulder. “Just forget it, okay? It’s fine. I’m not mad.”
“You are,” he laughs sadly. “Don’t fucking lie. I can tell you are.”
“Boys!” I call out quickly and motion them to come over to where I’m standing, before I turn back to Justin. “I’m over it,” I grit out. “And it’s not like you tell me about your parents, so don’t act like I’m the only one who hides things either.”
“My parents are different,” he says, the look in his eyes getting colder as he stares back at me.
“It’s the same thing,” I point out. “You know that.”
“Abbey! Abbey!”
Davey clings to my side and Austin dances around me with a giant sea shell that he’s found. I ruffle Davey’s hair and force a smile as I stare back at Justin. The look on his face is telling me that he knows we can’t discuss this anymore right now, but that the conversation isn’t done either.
Great. This should make for an interesting evening in bed.
I could sleep on the couch. I should try.
But I’d be wasting my time.
Justin can’t sleep without me these days, it seems. I know he’d come down, con me into getting into bed with him, so it’s not worth the effort to try. I hope that he lays off me for the rest of the afternoon though. I need to think, to sort things out in my head. I need to answer the question: where is this relationship going? I can’t afford to get hurt at this point. I can’t. The thought that Justin and I are just having some fun makes me cringe. I know he cares but...how much? And is he willing to bring our relationship to the next level, or is he fine with the way things are?
I for one, can’t stay fine with the way things are for long.
“Let’s go in boys.”
They moan and beg me to let them stay out for just a little while longer. I can feel Justin staring at me too, and when I look at him, I can tell how confused he is right now. But I’m not going to stick around and have a fight with him. I just tell the boys that they’ll have another chance to run around on the beach tomorrow morning, before taking Davey’s hand and leading them away.
Justin doesn’t follow me. Normally he would. Normally he’d try to fix things. But not today. I glance back over my shoulder as Davey breaks away from me and chases his brother back up to the house. I see Justin sitting there, on the beach, throwing rocks into the water. He’s thinking. I know he is. I should go over there. Talk to him. But I’m just...I’m just not in the right frame of mind.
I settle the boys at the table in the kitchen with some big thick puzzle pads and snacks to keep them busy, telling them I’m going to shower and to be good. I open the door to the first bathroom that comes my way, certain it will be empty. There must be at least twelve bathrooms in this place, not counting the ones that are attached to all the bedrooms.
But this bathroom isn’t empty.
The water is running and Sydney is bent over the counter, snorting a substance that I’m sure is Cocaine up her nose with a rolled up bill. I stand in the doorframe, silent as I watch her do it. She fucking disgusts me.
“Oh...” she trails off when she notices me standing there, and quickly shoves the rolled bill into her pocket. “You should knock, you know?”
I cross my arms. “There’s kids in this house. I can’t believe you.”
“Oh come on, Abbey. Get a grip,” she rolls her eyes and shuts the water off. “Don’t stand there and try to pretend you’ve never done anything wrong in your life.”
I shrug. “I haven’t shoved drugs up my nose, that’s for sure.”
She glares at me. It’s an angry, hateful glare, and I know she wishes I would just disappear. It would make her time a hell of a lot easier, I’m sure. “Miss goody two shoes,” she sighs. “Guess I should have known you’d react this way. This stuff is harmless. It’s like drinking.”
I just laugh. What a fucking lie. “I better not see it around the boys, and you should watch your daughter too.”
“They’ll be fine. My God. Kristy’s been around it her whole life. She knows better than to take any.”
What a great role model. Fuck, I wonder if Trace does the stuff too. It would explain a lot...like why there is money missing.
I know I can’t get into this anymore with her.
“I’ll just use another bathroom.”
I turn to walk out, but then I feel her grab me, and two seconds later I’m pinned up against the wall. I try to struggle, to break free of her grasp but she’s just so much stronger than I am, and I have no idea why. She has this crazy look in her eyes. It’s predatory, like she knows I’m weak. Like she can see it deep down inside of me. “Don’t mention this to anybody, Abbey,” she whispers. “I’d hate to think what could happen to you.”
I shove her off of me, but she’s letting met his time. “Are you threatening me?”
She just laughs, and walks off.
I’m shaking. I’m shaking and I hate that so much. I feel like I can’t talk to Justin about it either. I don’t want to start anything, and besides...Sydney is harmless. I’m sure if I had to, I could kick her ass. Yeah. I took some martial arts when I was a kid...
God, who am I kidding?
The rest of the afternoon is unsettling. Sydney and Trace decide to hang out in the living room with they boys, myself and Kristy. They don’t say a word to me. I think they’re here for the sake of the kids, which is good, but I’m really uncomfortable around them, especially since Justin isn’t around. He never came back inside.
Fuck, maybe I shouldn’t have been so harsh. Maybe I should have talked to him.
I just...I just can’t though, and he can’t seem to talk to me either.
I let it go, start to make dinner because it’s the only thing that will take my mind off the afternoon and how crappy I feel.
Justin rejoins our group just as I put dinner on the table, but he doesn’t look at me. He looks a little drained, and I’m sure he spent the entire day thinking about how he fucked up with me along with everything else that plagues him. I feel like shit.
Our perfect little vacation is going down in flames, and I’m not so sure who’s fault it is anymore.
Trace and Sydney graciously leave me to clean up their dishes, but I don’t protest, because I’m too confused about Justin to care about their petty bullshit anymore. I tell the boys to get into their pajamas, and they run off, leaving Justin and I alone in the kitchen. I make my way here and there, clearing off the table, putting dishes in the sink, and emptying the dishwasher. After a while, I hear Justin moving around behind me, and when I glance over my shoulder I realize he’s trying to help clean up too. It makes me smile for a moment or two, before I remember what’s been going on. “You don’t have to.”
He shrugs, takes the plates in his hands and clatters them into the bottom of the sink. “Why? You’re not my damn slave,” he snaps. “You’re cleaning up everybody's mess and you don’t ask me for help. You can ask me, Abbey. I’ll help you, okay?”
I huff. “Justin...don’t start, okay?”
“Start what.”
He runs the water. Clearly, something is troubling him, and he’s trying to get me to talk to him about it the only way he knows how, by drawing attention to himself. Fuck, he and Austin are exactly alike. “I’m not mad,” I tell him. “Can we just...forget about earlier? I don’t want us to end this weekend on a sour note. Not when we have so much shit waiting for us back at home.”
He turns around. The water is still running, but he doesn’t seem to care. “You just...you just expect me to talk about my parents!” he yells.
Well, there’s something.
“I don’t expect you to talk about anything!” I yell back, and storm across the kitchen to shut the water off. “And you shouldn’t expect me to either!”
He crosses his arms, and laughs a little. “Maybe I wouldn’t have to ask if you weren’t so damn hard to crack. You’re so closed off sometimes, and you don’t even realize it.”
I narrow my eyes at him. I mean, what the hell? Me, closed off with him? I don’t get it. “How the hell am I closed off with you, Justin? I spend every night in bed with you...every afternoon after work...I’m with you, hanging out with you...”
“I know nothing about you, or your past,” he grunts. “This isn’t about sex or cuddling on the couch, or about the boys. That’s what you do Abbey, you push everything about yourself out of the way...you focus on other people. I’ve taken you to some of the best restaurants in New York, and you haven’t really been that impressed. You gotta help me out sometimes, girl. I’m fucking clueless. I mean, how...how the hell is this supposed to work out if I don’t know what makes you happy?
I shake my head roughly. I hate being analyzed. I especially hate being analyzed by him because...I realize he’s probably the only person who can tear into this last layer inside of me. The layer that protects me from the rest of the world. The one that is secretly...waiting for Braeden to come back to me, even though he never will. “What’s supposed to work out, damn it?”
Fuck, now I’m sobbing.
He stares at me.
“You don’t...you don’t even put a label on us,” I sniffle, and wipe at my eyes gently with the back of my hand. “I don’t even know if we’ll be together next week, or next month, because you don’t get that involved. We sleep together, you go to work, and I take care of the boys. Sometimes we go to dinner, and that’s it. There’s no relationship. You’re not my fucking boyfriend, okay?”
He balls his fists at his sides, and I see his face changing from pink, to red, to deep purple before he takes a large breath. “I...who said that I don’t want to be!”
Then it’s just quiet, for the longest fucking time.
“My dad didn’t marry my mother, until Austin was born,” he says quietly. “They never kissed or held hands...nothing like that. When she got pregnant with him, I remember them having this big fight, her saying he didn’t want to commit. She was going to leave him,” he pauses and laughs sadly. “So he married her. But I knew it never meant as much to him as it did to her. I’ve never...I’ve never been committed to a woman before. I don’t...I don’t really know what I’m doing. The rest of them, they’ve been so damn easy to please. Then you...you’re just...you drive me fucking nuts because you don’t care where I take you or what I can buy you. You just want me. I don’t...I don’t get it, Abbey.”
It’s a breakthrough, and I can definitely say I’m shocked. I know he must have been thinking about this all day. He’s probably been ashamed of how his parents lived for his entire life, and I seriously doubt he ever told anybody. It was hard for him to do this tonight. I know it was, and I can’t be mad at him anymore. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He steps up to me, and I can tell his eyes are glossed over with tears. He touches my face, and kisses me a little. “I don’t know how to make you happy,” he whispers. “I’m an idiot, and definitely not the best choice for you, even though it seems that way on the outside.”
I kiss him back gently, and put my hand on his chest, being able to feel his heart beating furiously, just like it was that night we danced together. “We used to go fishing,” I whisper, not being able to look at him as I say the words. “In the summer, when it was nice. Fishing and then sometimes we would go hiking too. I loved that. I loved just...being with him. I’m a simple person, Justin. I know you’re used to a different type of woman. Maybe...maybe we shouldn’t be doing this...”
“I want to do this,” he says, looking so deep into my eyes that I can feel my heart begin to thud inside my chest because of them. “I want to be with you. Labels...labels are hard for me, though, you know?”
I nod softly. “But we can’t just...be like this forever,” I tell him, even though it hurts me to do it. “Sooner or later we’ll hit a dead end, you know? I don’t...I don’t want to lose you because...I really care about you.”
“Then...be with me,” he says, his voice quivering. “I want you to be with me. I want to take you off payroll. I’ll take good care of you, you know? You won’t have to worry about anything...you or the boys. We’ll be good together, the four of us.”
“Justin...” I sigh and pull back from him slightly. It all sounds wonderful. It sounds like he’s breaking open to me, completely now for the first time. But I know how hard things might get, and I can’t afford to be trapped in a situation where I’m miserable, where I never see him or talk to him. “I just...I just don’t know.”
“Are you scared?”
I look back up at him. He figured it out all on his own, and I can’t lie to him. “Terrified.”
He runs his fingers through my hair, smoothing a piece of it back behind my ear. “I know I’m not...the best person sometimes,” he whispers. “But I think...I think I deserve a shot at this, and I think you need to let yourself go and try it too.”
“I just...”
“Hey, I know how hard this is for you. I know...I know you don’t like to talk about him, but I can tell how much you loved him. Hell, you still love him, and that’s okay but, I want...I want to help you through it as much as I can. I want you to be happy again, completely. You deserve to be.”
I can’t say anything because I know I’ll start crying like a baby if I do. Instead, I just kiss him, and before I know it, we’re back in his bedroom, our kissing getting hotter and heavier as our clothes begin to fly off piece by piece. Fuck, I don’t even know what the boys are doing, if they’re in bed or doing what they’re supposed to be.
But damn it, I just don’t care.
The sex is the best we’ve ever had. It’s more sensual than any other time. Justin takes his time, kisses me, takes me all in with his lips, his hands and his body. They all work together like some big beautiful machine. I barely do anything. I’m too overcome with emotion tonight. We do it once, twice, and again, before collapsing against each other in a sweaty embrace. He holds me longer than he normally does tonight, stares into my eyes, and smiles just a little bit.
“Abbey. Will you be with me?”
It’s a question this time, and there’s so much hope in his voice, like it means everything to him. No, technically it’s not a label for us, but it’s a start, and I’m filled with so much love for him right now, that I can’t say no.
“Yeah.” I whisper, my smile growing wider as I say the word to him.
He laughs out loud, and showers me with kisses all over my body, like I’ve just made him the happiest man alive. Somehow I feel at peace. Like I’ve started to turn over a new chapter of my life. One that doesn’t include Braeden in my thoughts anymore. I mean, Justin is trying to be better for me...for us, and I know the only way I can repay him is to put Braeden out of site and out of mind for good.
I love you baby. I think to myself as Justin cradles me in his arms. But now I have a reason to say goodbye.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Short but good, I hope, lol.
Story Tags: triangles justinandtrace executivej
