“...Grant this mercy, O Lord, we beseech Thee, to Thy servants departed, that they may not receive in punishment the requital of their deeds who in desire did keep Thy will, and as the true faith here united them to the company of the faithful, so may Thy mercy unite them above to the choirs of angels. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”
Davey sniffles, and I put a hand on his shoulder as we all watch the coffins being slowly lowered into the ground. Austin steps up to the edge of the opening and throws a small box down into his mother’s grave. Nobody says anything.
I adjust my sunglasses and rub my youngest brother’s shoulder. Makes me feel good to comfort him. Makes me forget my own pain. I can’t be in pain. I have too much going on back home to dwell on this shit. They’re dead. It sucks, but what good is crying going to do?
The only word I’ve heard Davey utter since I arrived here is ‘no.’ Apparently he doesn’t talk, at all, and the fact that he said ‘no’ was a big step for him, according to Aunt Kimberly. Apparently, he used to be the happiest, most energetic kid and you couldn’t get him to shut up. But I guess...I mean, they told me he was in the car when they died. It was a drunk driver that killed my parents. They said it was a miracle Davey even survived, that he’s lucky. Yeah lucky, with a scorching case of post traumatic stress disorder. I called Cheryl and asked her to find Davey a really good kid shrink for when we get back to the city. She found one within the hour, and I talked to her, she seems good, knows her shit, so we’ll see where that goes.
For now, Davey and I are doing the nod if you want it or shake your head if you don’t thing.
It’s working, I guess. If anything, he seems to like me a lot more than Austin does. He even held my hand when we walked out to the grave site this morning. It’s a start. He’s eight years old, and I think he has a lot of time to grow out of this thing and come out of it stronger. I’ll make sure of it of course. I’ll make him into a man, no matter what. Austin too, although that’s probably going to be harder.
He’s angry, always angry. Always throwing a tantrum and yelling at his aunts and uncles and cousins, and me...whoever he can. I’ll let him get away with it for now, because he’s trying to deal with all of this. Once I get him back to the city though, that’s it. I’m not tolerating his crap because I don’t have time for it. If I need to, I’ll send him to a therapist too. Fuck, by the time this is all said and done, I’ll probably need a therapist.
I’d quit going though. It would cut into my meetings, and my market analysis time, and I couldn’t have that.
I look on in silence as the priest spreads some holy water over the open graves. Then he tells us to go in peace, and everybody slowly starts to wander back to their vehichles. I tug on Davey’s hand to follow along, but he doesn’t move. He just keeps staring at the hole in the ground, and I know I have to be careful about this. I crouch down, and ruffle his hair a little. “They’re okay now bud,” I whisper. “They’re up in heaven watching over you.”
He continues to stare at the open graves. It’s a blank stare, and if I didn’t know any better, I would say he’s turned into a zombie. It occurs to me I have no idea what’s going through his mind right now. I sigh, feeling so damn out of the loop. Usually I can solve an issue in an hour or less, but this time...this time it’s just a little bit more complicated. “C’mon Davey,” I whisper. “Let’s get Austin and go back to the house, okay?”
He shakes his head.
I stand back upright and contemplate what to do next. When I look back over my shoulder, I see Aunt Kimberly standing next to the limousine we arrived in, waiting for us. Austin is standing several steps to her right, his arms crossed, scowling at me like he wishes I were dead too, before he storms over to the limo and gets inside. Growing impatient, I decide to take control of the situation, and pick Davey up off the ground.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
He screams so loud that I almost drop him, but catch him just in time. He’s pounding on my back as I haul ass away from the grave site, and I manage to get him over to the limo before he can give me a concussion. “Kim!” I yell. “Could you give me a hand or something?”
She comes to help, but he’s still screaming and waving his arms in such a way that he manages to clock her right in the face before I can stop him. That’s when I drop him, and everybody surrounding us gasps, but I know better. The kid is fucking fine. He’s so hyped up right now, that I doubt he could get hurt.
“AHHHHHHHHHHH!” He continues to scream and kick, beating the ground with his fists until I see them being scraped raw.
“Get it out kid,” I scoff and run my hands through my short curls.
“You think this is funny?” Kim says to me bitterly, her hands on her hips.
“What do you want me to do?” I smirk. “He’s got built up aggression or something. I read about it in a book.”
“You people and your new fangled psychology,” she grunts. “The boy is troubled, he needs his family. You think taking him away from everything he knows is going to be any better?”
She’s still on this guilt shit. We’ve been over it and over it. Yesterday she said she would compromise. I could have them half the year, she could have them the other half. I told her to go to hell. I’m not shuffling these kids from one home to the other. I don’t have time to do all that. They’ll be fine with me, and she needs to get that through her damn head. Anyway, I think getting them away from this is actually better for them. There’s so much to do in New York. There’s museums, art, all kinds of crap to keep them busy. I know they’ll forget all this in a year, just like I did. They won’t want to leave. We’ll be a family. I think it’ll be kind of neat actually, having them there. My place is big and it’s kind of drab with just me and my occasional dinner guests.
Kids are no problem. It’ll be easy, I think, handling them.
“I think I know what I’m doing, Kim,” I grunt, and bend down to pick Davey up so I can get him in the car. “I run the biggest brokerage firm in Manhattan, hell...probably the world. I’d appreciate a little bit of faith from you.”
She crosses her arms and says: ‘Hmph’ before getting into the limousine.
“AHHHHHHHHHHH!”
I yank him off the ground anyway, even though he screams louder, and get into the car, pulling him with me. He hangs onto the doorframe, making it impossible for the chauffeur to close the door behind us without crushing his fingers. I take the initiative, and pry his little fingers from the metal surface. He cries even louder, I think I can hear Austin shouting something about me being an unfit person to raise kids, but I don’t even say anything. The moment I get Davey’s hands to safety, the chauffeur closes the door, and I belt him down next to me with the seatbelt.
“Damn.” I groan and put a hand over my face, as Davey continues to whimper. I don’t mind. It’s better than listening to him scream. Soon we are on our way. The limousine winds it’s way back through the cemetery behind everybody else’s car. I don’t look back. At one point Davey tries to look back over his shoulder to get one last glimpse of the open graves, but I shout at him to sit down, and he snaps back forward, fixing his gaze down on his lap and nothing else.
“When were you thinking of leaving?” Kim speaks up suddenly, her voice raspy and shaking because she’s still torn up about the funeral service.
I feel Austin’s eyes on me, but I don’t pay attention to him. It’s what he wants. He wants me to feel bad, to tell him we’ll stay a few extra days. No fucking way in hell, kid. “You called the realtor and the estate salesman?”
She nods only slightly.
“Well, if we start packing the boys up tonight, I might be able to get a jet out tomorrow afternoon or evening. If not then, definitely early the next day.”
She presses her lips together for a moment, seemingly trying not to break down crying in front of me. “Give us one last day...tomorrow, please. I’ll do all their packing, and I’ll take care of the sale of the house for you. You won’t hear from us again. Just...please let us have one last day with them.”
I sigh. One day could turn into five days, for all I know. She’s too stuck on the kids. She can’t detach herself from them and it’s not good for anybody involved. They need to move on, grow up, and be independent. If I knew I wouldn’t face dire consequences, I would pack the essentials tonight and just fly commercial. But damn, I mean...I can’t be that cold hearted. They just watched their parents get buried and I can allow them the rest of today to grieve a little bit. “We really need to get moving,” I tell her softly.
“Justin.”
I allow myself to look her in the eyes. The woman is begging me for this, like some employee that I’m about fire, groveling for their job. I feel the surge of power rush through me, and it’s hard not to smile.
“Please,” she croaks.
I sigh again and shake my head a little. “One day. That’s it.”
I’m too nice sometimes.
When we get back to the house, Austin bursts out of the car almost before the driver has stopped it, and runs back into the house. I let him go do his thing, get it out, it’s better that he does it now. Kim and I get out next, and I stand there, hands on my hips, waiting for Davey to follow. He doesn’t though. He sits there in that catatonic daze, like he’s separated himself from the world. “Davey...let’s go,” I say, trying to keep the patient sound my voice.
He just sits there.
“I’ll handle this,” Kim says, practically shoving me out of the way as she moves closer to the open car door. “There are some keepsakes in the attic. The estate salesman asked if you would go through them and remove any items you’d like to take with you. Otherwise, they’ll go to auction.”
I really doubt I’ll find anything worth keeping, but because I’m so annoyed with Davey, I decide to go have a look anyway. When I go back into the house, I see Austin sitting in the kitchen, with some of the other family members, eating a large piece of chocolate cake. I stop, and smirk a little bit. “Feeling better?”
He frowns. “Go jump off a cliff.”
I’m fucking sick of this shit. I walk towards him slowly, keeping the pleasant smile on my face as I do so, as to not give the others any ideas. “Can we have a moment?” I ask them.
They stare at me long and hard, before one of the men coaxes them all to follow him into the other room. I sit, watch Austin shove some more cake in his face, and look over my should quickly before I go through with my game plan. I grasp his wrist as he attempts to bring another forkful of cake to his mouth, and smirk at him as he stares at me with wide, frightened eyes. “Listen you little punk,” I whisper. “You might get away with this attitude here, but believe me, things are going to change real fast once we go to New York. I’m not going to tolerate your crap. There’s special schools for kids like you, you know? Places that teach you how to show respect to the people that take care of you. If you’re not careful, I might just send you away to one.”
He stares at me, his gaze defiant, and I know that if he were a little older he’d probably try to punch me in the face. “Let go of me,” he says through clenched teeth.
I shove his hand away, and laugh slightly, before roughly knocking his cake off the table. It splatters all over the floor, and he looks back at me immediately, his bottom lip trembling. He’s afraid, and that’s good.
“Clean it up,” I snap at him, before storming out of the kitchen.
I’m so fucking pissed. So fucking pissed. I climb the stairs two at a time, and thrust the attic door open harshly. “Damn it!”
I pick up the nearest object to me and toss it across the attic, sending it crashing into the wall. The sound of glass shattering rips through my ears, and I know I probably shouldn’t have done that. Shit, I lost it back there. He’s just a kid. Just a kid, and he’s angry. He doesn’t know any better, and here I am, threatening him.
Maybe I have built up aggression inside of me too...
No, that’s silly.
I sit down next to a small stack of boxes, and pull one of them onto my lap. It’s old, really old. Dust coats the top, where it was taped shut long ago. I blow the dust off and cough a little when some of it gets up my nose. Then I look down and...that’s when I see it. One simple name scrawled out in what could only be my mother’s handwriting.
Justin
I don’t want to open it. I feel like if I do, I’ll remember too much, feel guilty about too much. But damn it...they’re going to auction this stuff off if I don’t, and it’s my stuff...so...I guess I’ll look.
The tape comes apart easily due to it’s age, and when I open the box, I can feel a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, dying to be released. I don’t let it. I suck in a breath and reach inside, feeling my heart begin to race a little bit faster when I feel my hands close around the soft material. I pull it out. Yellow and white, grass stain on the top right shoulder that my mom had never been able to get out. Rockets is spelled out across the front of it in shiny metallic fabric. I flip it over. Timberlake. 4. My soccer jersey. It’s uncanny that she saved it. I told her to throw everything out that night...that night I left. I told her I didn’t care, that I wasn’t coming back
But she saved it.
I shove it back harshly and kick the box across the floor. I feel something creeping down my face, and I quickly reach up, wiping it away. Wetness. No. I will not fucking cry. I’m strong. I’m better than it.
I don’t care that they’re dead.
Fuck.
I sob so quietly into my hands, for such a long time. Nobody knows. Nobody can hear me, and I’m glad. I didn’t cry at the funeral, so this is my grievance period I guess, and when I go back downstairs I’ll be over it. I need to set an example for the boys. Show them how strong I can be even though our parents are dead and buried. Maybe then they’ll snap out of their funk, and rejoin society. Life will be a hell of a lot easier that way.
Damn it. What am I doing? I can’t stay here another day. I just can’t. I have to get out, go home, tonight.
I jump to my feet, and leave the attic. I know...I know what I told Kim but I feel so fucking overwhelmed and sick with the memories of my parents and my childhood. I want to stop remembering. I just want to go back to the city where it all makes sense, where I can lose myself in my work, and Trace’s stupid sarcastic sense of humor.
I gotta leave. I have to.
When I get back downstairs, I spot the boys sitting on the couch with Kim, wrapped in her arms. Everybody else has seemed to disappear from the house, which I’m thankful for. It will be easier to go back on my word this way. I can just call the limo, get the boys, and go. “I just got a call,” I say after a moment of watching them. “Something’s come up...at my firm. I have to leave tonight.”
She slowly looks over at me, and pulls the boys closer to her. “We agreed on one more day.”
I shove my hands in my pockets and look down at my shiny dress shoes. “I can’t help that something’s come up,” I tell her. “Get them ready.”
“No.”
Davey is whimpering and Austin has buried his face in her chest. She doesn’t let go of them, and continues to look at me with hatred in her eyes.
“I mean it,” I grunt. “Get them ready.” I pull out my phone and dial the chauffeur, telling him to meet me at the house in a couple of hours.
“You promised me only a few hours ago, that they could spend one more day,” Kim reiterates. “Are you even human? Do you have any kind of a heart?”
“I’m not going,” Austin says, keeping his head turned into her chest. “Don’t let him take me,” he sobs.
She rubs his back gently, and sobs a little bit. “Do you see what you’re doing?”
I don’t say anything. I can’t. If I do, I might have a change of heart and I know that I can’t. I dial Cheryl quickly, and she picks up on the first ring. “I need a flight, tonight,” I tell her quietly.
“Private?”
“I don’t care.”
“Hang on.” I hear her clicking her mouse around. “I can get you on the first class out of Memphis at nine tonight.”
“Do it.”
I snap my phone closed. “My next call will be to the sheriff,” I threaten when she doesn’t move from her position. “Get them ready. Austin, go pack your carry on, and make sure you bring something for Davey to do.”
None of them move. I’m not used to this, people not doing what I tell them, and I can feel myself getting angrier and angrier. Shit, what was that guy on that self help tape saying? Breathe in....breathe out....through the nose...let the anger float through the air...something.
I breathe in and out. In an out, in and out...
It’s not working.
“No...no...”
Austin is whimpering, and when I look up I find that Kim has gotten both boys up from the couch.
“You have to do this,” she whispers to them. “It’s the best thing right now. I’ll visit.” She leans down and kisses each of their cheeks. “I’ll visit as soon as I can.”
I don’t understand why she’s so close to them. When I was young, she never came around. Nobody did. It was only when my mom had Austin years later, and then Davey, did any of our extended family seem interested in us. By then it was too late. I was outcasted by them for some reason. I never understood, but I never cared enough to ask.
“C’mon, Davey.” Austin pulls his brother along by the hand, and storms off down the hallway towards their bedroom. Neither of them look at me, not that I would expect them to anyway. I’m rushing them. Deep down I know it’s wrong. They need at least until tomorrow but I just...I can’t do it. I can’t make that sacrifice, because it’s too painful for me...being here.
I’m a fucking coward, hidden behind a thousand dollar suit.
Aunt Kim seemed to know exactly how to fit all the boys’ clothes and favorite toys into four medium sized suitcases, and she had it all done within a two hour time period. If I gave a damn, I probably would have complimented her efforts, but I didn’t. I sat on the sofa the entire time she was getting the boys ready, watching Bloomberg Televison, making sure to take notes and trade a few shares via my Blackberry. I was excited because Trace had been right about the Energizer Battery deal. We made windfall profits, and it was the first time I smiled all day. I was so wrapped up in the earnings, in fact, that I barely remembered where I was. The sudden blaring of the car horn outside was the only thing that jolted me back into the moment, and when I checked my watch, I realized it was exactly the time I’d told the driver to come pick us up.
The boys were lead back out into the living room by Kim. Davey was hanging his head low, and Austin just looked pissed off. I flicked off the tv, and nodded at them as I got up from the sofa. “Ready?”
Kim nodded, but none of them spoke to me.
We made our way out to the limousine, and the chauffeur immediately opened the door so we could get in, before running over to the spot where our luggage rested so he could load up the trunk. I slipped my sunglasses over my eyes and started to get in the limo, but paused and looked back over my shoulder. The boys weren’t following me. Austin was clinging to his Aunt, begging her to do something.
“Please don’t let him take me away,” he cried. “Please!”
“I’m sorry baby,” she whimpered, half eyeing me. Davey grabbed onto her waist then too, and buried his face in the bottom of her dress.
“Let’s go.”
I yanked Davey away from her, and he cried out a little, but I forced him into the limousine before he could make a scene. Austin still wouldn’t move though, and I knew getting him to listen to me wasn’t going to be easy. “Austin,” I said impatiently.
“But...but he’s mean,” Austin continued to whine to his aunt, disregarding me all together. “He doesn’t care about us, Auntie Kim. He doesn’t.”
I stepped forward and grabbed him by the arm like I had done to Davey.
“No!” He resisted me, but I maintained a firm grip on his arm. “Aunt Kim! Help me!”
“C’mon, damn it,” I grunted, finally pulling him hard enough where he was forced move with me. “Get in the car.” I shoved him in next to his brother, and quickly slammed the door in his face. I could hear him pounding on the door, but I knew the chauffeur I hired was smart enough to set the child locks before hand.
“You’re awfully rough,” Kim said to me, her voice hardly more than a whisper. Her make up ran all down her face, and I knew she’d been crying for most of the day. “If you hurt them...”
“I’m not going to hurt them,” I groaned. “They need discipline. All kids do.”
She stared at me for a moment, as if she was about to tell me something, but then she hesitated. “I’ll write.”
“Don’t.” I shook my head. “It’s better for them if they forget about this place, and about you. We’ll have everything we need, there’s no need to contact us, and if you try, you won’t get far.”
“Bastard,” she whimpered.
I didn’t say anything, just shook my head, and once I was confident the driver had finished loading the bags into the trunk, I opened the door, and got into the limo myself. Austin tried to climb over me, screaming out for his Aunt, but I quickly shoved him down into his seat, and the driver made sure to close the door for me.
“I hate you!” Austin screamed and started to beat me on the chest with his fists. I eyed Davey while it was happening, and found he was staring at us with wide eyes, obviously frightened.
“You know,” I said, as I roughly pushed Austin off of me. “You’re scaring Davey.”
I think he realized then, that I wasn’t going to give in and bring him back. I didn’t care if he was upset, or scared, and I think he understood that then, because he started to calm down. “It’s a big world, Austin,” I sighed and opened the mini fridge so I could toss him a club soda, while I poured myself a glass of wine. “There’s more to it than this half assed town. I want to show you what you’re missing out on.”
He crossed his arms, and wouldn’t look at me the rest of the car trip.
“Mr. Timberlake.”
My eyes slowly drift open, and I start to wonder how long I’ve been out for as I stare up into the kind face of the flight attendant. “Yeah...” I rasp.
“I just wanted to tell you that we’ll be landing shortly,” she tells me with a smile. “Would you or your little guys like a refreshment?”
I slowly look over at them. Austin demanded a window seat, so naturally I gave in. He’s leaning against it, his mouth half open as he sleeps. Davey is leaning on his shoulder, passed out cold as well. Before this they’d never flown before. Davey cried and clung to me as we took off, while Austin sort of gripped the arms of his seat and held his breath. It was a pretty uneventful flight, other than that. Austin and I didn’t argue. He busied himself with his Nintendo DS once we reached the right altitude, and Davey watched a movie on the portable dvd player Austin packed for him. I was glad to get some time to myself, to veg out, and put my head back together again. “Maybe just a water for me.” I clear my throat a little and sit up in the plush leather chair. “Thanks.”
“Sure thing.”
She pours me a tall glass of water, and places it gently on top of a fresh napkin before moving on to the other first class passengers. I guzzle it down and then... I wait for my life to restart.
It’s raining in Manhattan. My driver, a native Jamaican man named Quincy, meets us shortly after we walk off the airplane, with provisions to suit.
“Didn’t know what you’d need, sir,” he says to me. “Miss Cheryl said to bring plenty of snacks and umbrellas.” He holds up one of those reusable Whole Foods bags, that’s been loaded up with shit.
“Quince,” I chuckle a little, and turn to make sure both boys are with me. “It doesn’t take long to get home.”
“I know sir” he chuckles. “Just didn’t know what your mood would be like.”
I nod a little. “Let’s go.”
He leads the way, and I motion for the boys to follow me. We stop at the doorway, and I make sure the boys have some kind of coat on, before we venture outside. Quincy holds a large umbrella over all three of us, and I make sure to keep both boys close to my side. I feel one of them pressing their face into long overcoat, and when I look down, I realize that it’s Austin doing it instead of Davey. Well...maybe he’s starting to change his attitude already.
A black Cadillac Escalade pulls up to the curb soon enough, and Quincy holds the door open as I usher the boys in first. Thunder booms as I get myself inside the car, and Davey covers his face with his hands quickly. We pull away from the curb soon after, and are whisked off into the night. I watch Austin from the corner of my eye as I gently ruffle Davey’s hair, doing my best to calm his fear of the thunder. Austin is looking out the window, gazing out at the city flashing by him. I know it must be pretty amazing for him to see it for the first time. He’s never been outside of Tennessee before, never seen anything as grand as Manhattan before. “Hey...maybe tomorrow you could do some sight seeing,” I offer. “I have to be at the office, but I can have somebody take you around.”
He looks back over his shoulder. “No thanks.”
I rub my thighs and grit my teeth, having to tell myself that it’s only the first night. That he’ll grow out of it. “Fine.”
“I want to go back to Memphis,” he huffs.
I just roll my eyes and shake my head.
What a great homecoming.
My phone rings and I answer it. It’s one of my board members. He’s relieved to hear from me, and excited to discuss the Energizer trade. I melt away, back to Wall Street, forgetting about Austin looking miserably out the window, forgetting about Davey, falling asleep at my side once again. Forgetting about the past few days, and the things that I left back in Memphis, like my dead parents.
I push it all away, because that’s what I’m good at.
It’s time to get back to business, and that’s exactly what I wanted all along.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks so much for the feedback everyone! Hope you like the next chapter :)
Story Tags: triangles justinandtrace executivej
