I never thought any woman would feel the way that Abbey does about me.  Danielle was getting there, but I held myself back from her way too much, and I know it’s why she left me.  I tried to be that way with Abbey too, but something inside wouldn’t allow me to do it.  My emotions have buckled when it comes to her.  She’s everything...her and the boys, even if I can’t say the three words she wants to hear.  It’s an issue of mine and I’ll admit that I don’t fully understand why I have such a problem admitting how I feel about her.  It’s like this blockage inside of me, telling me that I have to protect myself, and that this is the best way to do it.  It’s like if I don’t say it, and she leaves, I’ll be that much better off.  It’s stupid and messed up.  I mean, we’re into it so deep now that I can’t see a reason why Abbey would want to leave.

Once things calm down and I take us all away for a week or so, maybe I’ll be able to come to terms with some more things.  Maybe I won’t be so afraid of those things she talked to me about in bed that night.  I still feel like shit for ignoring her like I did.  I was just...afraid, that I’d say the wrong thing and upset her.  The day after she told me she loved me, it was all I could think about at work.  I tried to reason with myself, tell myself that I owed it to her to discuss it more rationally, to give her a better explanation than the one I gave her the night before.

But I just couldn’t do it.  I ignored it instead, prayed that Abbey would go with the flow.  She did, and that should have made me feel a lot better.

But it didn’t.

I’ve been bombarded at work, overwhelmed to the point where I’ve locked myself in my office and threatened to fire anybody who disturbs me, but somehow I’ve managed to keep that mood away from boys and Abbey.  I know I have to be different with them now, and making that much of an effort really tires me the hell out.  I wish the world would just stop for a day or two, allow me to catch up and try to get things more in order than they are right now, but that’s impossible.

All that, and I still have to figure out what’s really going on with Trace, even though I don’t want to see him.  Abbey though...I know she wouldn’t have made as much of an effort if she didn’t believe the things that she told me.  She’s too strong willed and she dislikes Trace entirely too much.  I was really angry when she first told me she’d gone to see him, but I eventually realized why she did it, and I forced myself to understand.  She really believes he’s innocent and she wanted me to see that, she wanted to give me a reason to pay him a visit.  If it means getting my best friend back though, I guess I’m willing to try, even though I’ve been really stubborn these past couple of weeks, telling myself that he’s a piece of shit.

I’ve been forced to take a step back now, reevaluate things.  Mac thinks I’m nuts.  He went ballistic when I asked him to help me with this visit, warned me, told me that I shouldn’t be going to see him, that it would only make the media more aggressive towards me if they found out.  But I promised Abbey I would at least go talk to Trace if nothing else, and breaking a promise to her at this point would be a big mistake that I can’t afford to make.  Mac finally gave into my wish, only on the condition that I would bring him with me, and I agreed because I didn’t want a problem.  I know his intentions are good and he’s only trying to protect me from what could potentially turn into a big issue.  A big part of me still wishes I could make this trip on my own though.  I’d be able to act uncivilized, perhaps punch Trace in the face if I felt the need.

I’m still that angry at him.

“Can I ask what this is all about?”  Trace’s lawyer, Ernie, asks Mac as we are patted down and processed through the metal detectors inside the prison.  

“My client would like to ask your client a few things,” Mac tells him once we have been cleared to go through by security.  “He has a right to do that.”

“I really don’t see how this is going to help anything,” Ernie whines as we are lead down a long, dismal hallway by a couple of officers.  “The trial is a week away.  We have our plan set in place, and this is only going to make things more difficult for everybody involved.”

Neither myself or Mac respond to his griping.  There would be no point, because I’m not turning back, and Mac would never do it because he knows I would find another lawyer if he did.  It forces Ernie to press on, he has no choice, because if something is brought up in this conversation today that could help Trace’s case, it’s his job to work on it.

We’re led into a small interview room which I’m sure is reserved for inmates and their lawyers.  It’s small, too small for four people to sit and talk comfortably, and when the door closes, I immediately realize just how uncomfortable I am.  All I can think before Trace is lead into the room is what the hell did I let Abbey talk me into, and when the door opens again, and Trace is led into the room by a guard and forced to sit down, all I want to do is get the hell away from him.

But it’s too late now.

The door closes and Trace immediately looks to Ernie, as if to ask him what the hell I’m doing here.

“Justin wanted to talk,” he explains to Trace quietly.

“Yeah?”  

Trace finally looks at me, and I stare back at him like I don’t know what the fuck to say.  I mean, I know why I’m here, and what I need to discuss with him.  Abbey went over it and over it with me, so much that it’s been drilled into my brain.  But he’s glaring at me with so much hatred in his eyes, and he looks so worn out, so torn apart, that I can’t find the words.

“So you wanna talk now,” Trace laughs and leans back in his seat, casually crossing his arms over his chest.  “Let me guess, Abbey told you about our little visit, right?”

I look down at the table.  “I just...”

“Fuck you, Justin,” he says darkly.  

My head snaps up and I rise slightly from the table, feeling Macs hand on my shoulder, trying to keep my temper at bay.  “What was I supposed to think when I found out the money was missing?” I seethe.

“You could have came to me, and I would have figured it out!” He snaps at me.

“You never told me about Merril Lynch,” I grit out.  “I couldn’t fucking trust you once I found that out.”

“Oh I bet Trump told you right? Nice of you to fill me in so I could explain, but I guess that’s what happens when your head is shoved up your ass twenty four hours a day!”

“Like you’re any better!”

“Would you two calm down please!” Mac yells and forcefully pulls me down into my chair.  “This is going nowhere.  You said you were going to be able to keep your head, Justin.”r32;
I just sit in the chair and glare at Trace, angry and confused all at the same time.  

“When that happened...” Trace speaks up slowly, moments later.  “At Merrill Lynch...I...I was having a drug problem.  I needed money, and the guy I was working with told me I could have a cut if I helped him fudge over the books.  He was my boss so I just went with it.  It was stupid.  I regret it, and...I didn’t tell you because I was trying to start my life over.  I didn’t need that shit haunting me anymore.”

“Yeah, well look where it got you,” I grunt.  “If I knew maybe...”

“You should have trusted me regardless,” he interrupts, sternly.  “Justin, in all these years when I have I ever lied to you?  When have I ever tried to fuck you over?”

He’s right.  I sit back and take it all in.  I didn’t listen to him.  I didn’t try to ask him about it, because we’d been having issues anyway due to my situation with Abbey.  I should have cleared my head.  I should have just asked him if he was taking money.  Fuck, sitting here with him now, I know he would have told me the truth and gotten to the bottom of it.  I didn’t trust him enough.  My own partner.  The one...the only one...who helped me get to where I am today.

I’m starting to feel horrible, really horrible for the first time since he was arrested.  

“I mean, yeah, okay, I’ve been pissed about Abbey,” he tells me.  “But I didn’t get it and...I guess, maybe I’m starting to.  I shouldn’t have been such a dick about it.  Things have been fucking nuts since your brothers came out here too, Justin.  Lately I’ve felt like you could care less how hard I’ve been working to make you look good.  When Trump came and he didn’t want me around, I knew he remembered me.  I knew he would probably tell you about my past too, but I didn’t count on all of this happening.”  He rubs his hands over his face and through his messy hair.

I know he’s being the most honest and genuine he’s been with me in a very long time.  “So who fucked with the money,” I whisper.

He shakes his head.  “Just get out of here,” he whimpers.  “Just go.”

“Damn it.”  I pound my fist on the table and he finally looks at me.  “Why the fuck are you gonna take the fall for somebody else?”

“I have my reasons,” he mutters.

“Well I’m not gonna fucking let you, and if your lawyer here is as great as he claims, he’d be forcing you to tell him!”  I revert my angry glare to Ernie.  “Why are you just letting him rot in prison?”

“I have no evidence!” He yells.  “What would you like me to do, Mr. Timberlake? Pull it out of my ass?”  He gets up and angrily tosses his chair to the side.  “I’m tired of this shit. I quit!”

The three of us stare at him, open mouthed as he bangs on the door and calls for the guard to come let him out.  The door opens, and Ernie doesn’t look back as he storms out.

“Mother fucker,” Trace scoffs and puts his face in his hands.  “That’s just great.”

I give Mac a pleading look, and despite the fact that he’s rolling his eyes, I know he’s going to give in.

“If you tell me what’s going on, I’ll represent you,” Mac tells him softly.

Trace doesn’t answer.

“That offer is about to walk out the door in five seconds,” I warn him.  “Wake the fuck up man.  If...if you’re not guilty of this I want you in the clear.  I want you back where you belong.”

“Even if I tell you...how am I gonna prove it?” He asks softly.  “It’s he said she said.”

“So it is Sydney?” I ask.

He shrugs.  “She’s the only one who could have done it, but I have no proof of that.  It’s better if I just take the heat for this, Justin.”

“Hey, you plead not guilty,” I snicker.

“I was in shock,” he grunts.  “I didn’t know what else to think except that I didn’t do this.”

“I’ll talk to the district attorney,” Mac tells us.  “We can have him meet with you, and you can tell him what you’re telling us.  They can bring her in for questioning, Trace.”

He laughs heartily.  “You think she’s gonna confess?”

“It’s possible,” Mac says.

“She’s not gonna talk to the cops,” Trace says seriously.  “She hates the cops.”

I sit back in the chair, and stroke my chin.  For the first time, I know...I know Trace is innocent.  He didn’t do this.  He would never betray me.  Sydney...she did this, because of her own fucked up desires and she’s willing to let the one person who has stood by her and given her everything go down for it.  “Maybe she’d talk to somebody that she trusts.”

Trace stares at me.  “Like who?  She thinks I’m oblivious.  If I start asking questions she’s going to know I’ve figured the shit out.”

“I could talk to her,” I say.  “If I do it right, she won’t suspect a thing.”

“You,” Trace scoffs.

I shrug.  “She knows I have the means to provide for her.  I’m willing to bet she’d tell me anything I wanted to know if I offered to give her what she wants.”

Trace is silent, starts to think very hard about something, and I let him.  I give him as much time as he needs now, because I gave him none in the beginning of this whole thing.  “I don’t...I don’t want Kristy put in the middle of this,” he says slowly.

“I’ll have Abbey take her for a couple of days,” I reassure him.  “She’ll be fine.”

“Justin can wear a wire,” Mac speaks up.  “We’ll work it out with the DA.  It’s worth a shot, Trace.  I’ll tell them you’ve sought out new council and get the trial pushed back.”

He sighs and shakes his head.  “You’ll never pull it off.  That judge hates me.”

“Why don’t you just wait and see what happens?” I grunt at him, angry that he’s not taking the idea seriously.  “Mac is trying to help you out and he doesn’t have to

“Fine, whatever,” he grumbles and get up from his seat.  “I guess I’ll talk to you soon.”

Mac just nods and I can only stare at Trace as he knocks on the door so the guard will come get him.  I don’t know what the fuck is going to happen, and now...now I’m going to go try and get Sydney to confess all this shit to me? Hell, can I even do it? Am I that deceptive? That persuasive?

I guess I’ll find out.
*************
It’s been a week since I visited Trace.  Mac pulled out all the stops, made sure to sweet talk the judge into giving him a little time to compile Trace’s defense.  From what I’ve been told, it wasn’t easy.  The judge originally was only going to give Mac a three day extension, but Mac is a high priced lawyer and knows how to get his way when it comes to things like that.

He got a months extension, and that’s good.  It’s buying us some much needed time to get Sydney exactly where we want her.  Mac has been consulting with the DA.  I guess he went and talked to Trace with the DA too, and now they all want to see me again on Monday to discuss how this is going to go down.

When I came home that evening from the prison, Abbey was sitting on the sofa in the living room, one of my brothers on either side of her, staring at me with that, ‘I told you so’ look on her face.  I didn’t say anything, just sighed and smiled slightly as I made my way over to her and took a seat beside Davey, before leaning over to kiss her cheek.  

“Issue solved?”

I nuzzled my face into her neck and sighed into her.  “I hope so.”

We haven’t spoke of the situation since.  I think Abbey feels better to know that I believe her, that I’m trying to get Trace vindicated so we can all move on with our lives.  All she wanted to do was prove a point to me, and well...I guess she did it.  I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I stopped trusting my best friend, just because of a story that was told to me by someone I respect.  I was a fool.  I guess I’ve always been a fool...vulnerable.  Somebody who can’t trust people.  Hell, have I ever trusted Trace? I mean, I let him help me out in the beginning but did I ever actually open myself up to him all the way? No...but now I know that he never told me the truth about his past either.

We’re even.


Drugs are dangerous, and it scares me that his life was controlled by them at one time.  I can now understand why he’s such a hard ass at times, and why that trait was always instilled in me by him when he was teaching me the tricks of the trade.  He’s been through shit, much worse than anything I’ve ever gone through.  I wish he could have told me about it though.  I think...I think I would have listened and tried to understand, especially in the beginning.  Then again, if I’d let Trace’s past slip to some of the people that bumped us up the chain in the beginning of my career, I doubt they would have helped us at all.  He did this to benefit us, to give us careers, and make us strong entities in the Wall Street world.  Where did it get him? Locked in a jail cell.

I hope that one day, he can forgive me for turning my back on him.

Work is better.  Trump is overseas right now, so he hasn’t been up my ass every five minutes about our business venture.  I’m hoping by the time he gets back, the situation with Trace will be sorted out, and we can all get down to business.  Now that I know Trace is innocent, I have no intention on moving forward with the hotel venture without him.  I’ll tell Trump that too, and I know he won’t turn me down.  He wants my business and exposure too badly, even if he acts cocky...acts like he’s in control.

I’m always in control when it comes to my business.

In the midst of everything, I almost forgot Davey’s birthday was this weekend.  Abbey discreetly reminded me a couple of nights ago while she was getting into bed.  I felt like shit that I hadn’t remembered.  Hell, I hadn’t even circled it on my desk calendar at work or had Cheryl make a note of it.  I can remember every client on my account list, and just about everything else that has to do with Goldman Sachs, but I can’t remember something as simple as my kid brothers birthday.

Needless to say, I felt like a loser.

“A lot has been going on,” Abbey tried to reassure me.  “If it constitutes for anything, I’m not upset about it.”

I just shrugged.  “Yeah, but I can’t keep forgetting important shit like this.”

“Hey, isn’t that why I’m here?” she smirked.  “To make you remember your important shit?”

I kissed her lightly on the mouth.  “You’re here for more than just that,” I chuckled.  “I enjoy doing extracurricular activities with you too.”

“Oh please,” she rolled her eyes, but still laughed.

It was the first time we’d had really enjoyable sex since Trace went to prison.  It was like some great weight had been lifted off of the two of us.  No, everything wasn’t settled yet.  There was still Sydney to handle, a plan that needed to be put in place so she would be tricked into confessing exactly what part she played in stealing the money.  For some reason though, I just knew it was going to work out, and Abbey seemed to feel the same way.  We could relax a little bit.  It felt damn good, to say the least.

I suggested we take both the kids to Six Flags to celebrate Davey’s big day, but Abbey said that he might get a little bit freaked out in such a big place.  It angered me a little bit.  I want the kid to snap out of this fragile stage in his life, and all Abbey can seem to do is take things slowly, like baby steps.  It doesn’t make sense to me, but I care about her too much to argue.  After all, she’s with both of them more than I am, and Davey seems very comfortable with the decisions she makes in his life.  He’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him.  He smiles and laughs, even talks every now and then. That’s why I gave in when she suggested we go to Victoria Gardens in Central Park, even though I knew Austin would be bored as hell.  It’s a kiddie park, but then again, it’s not Austin’s birthday.

“This is boring.”  Austin turns around and leans against the railing while I wait for Davey and Abbey to come around the tracks again.  “Why couldn’t we go to the big park?”

“When it’s your birthday we can go to the big park.”  I plaster a smile on my face as the little train makes it’s way past us again, and wave stupidly at Abbey and Davey as they wave at the two of us.  

“You shoulda let Kristy come,” he mutters.  “At least we could be bored together.”

I’ve kept the reason that Kristy can’t come around from him, and I know Abbey has as well.  It would be too weird to explain everything to him.  Of course he knows that something in going on.  The bodyguards and paparazzi have proven that, but the less details he knows, the better.  “I couldn’t.”

“Why?” He grunts.

“She’s...she’s busy with her mom right now,” I explain gently.  “I’ll try to get her to come over soon though.  Maybe next week or the week after.”

“Somebody in school told me that Trace stole a lot of money from you.  I bet that’s why she can’t come over anymore.”r32;r32;That’s great.  I’m glad I’m paying thirty grand a semester to send him to Dalton, so he can learn more about my personal life.  “It’s complicated,” I grunt.  “And nothing you need to concern yourself with.”

He’s quiet as he turns back around to observe the slow moving train.  I know he gets it, and by now he knows when and when not to push a subject with me.  Hell, I only just gave him back his x-box the other day because he’s been behaving so well.  “You wanna go play the whac-a-mole?”

He eyes me slightly.  “That’s dumb.”

I lean over the railing and laugh a little.  “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I’d beat you anyway.”

“You think so, huh?”

He nods.  “I used to beat mom all the time at the county fa...”  He stops, mid-sentence, obviously having caught himself in a happy memory with our mother.  It’s the first time he’s mentioned her since the Hamptons, and it’s awkward for him.  It’s even more awkward for me.

“It’s okay, Aus,” I reassure him with a slight pat on his back.

He jerks away from my touch and looks down at the ground.  “No, it’s not,” he whispers.  “I...I know you don’t like it when I talk about her.”

He’s right.  It’s the shittiest I’ve felt all day.  “You...you can talk about her.”

“I hate talking about her with you.”

He walks away from me.

Fuck, I can’t win.  I thought things were better...that we were getting somewhere.  I guess it’s harder than I thought, breaking through to him.  It’s taking a lot longer than I would have hoped and maybe...maybe that’s my fault for pushing him, for making him pack up his life in day to come live out here with me.

But I didn’t have a choice.

“What’s wrong with Austin?”

I turn to face Abbey.  The ride has ended and she’s standing before me while Davey tugs on her hand, willing her to move on to the next ride.  “He’s being temperamental,” I say, trying to laugh it off.  “Don’t worry about it.”

She’s staring after him like she knows I’m full of it, and before long she’s placed Davey in my care and gone after him.  I know he’ll talk to her about it, and that’s fine.  It’s better that he can confide in one of us, even if it isn’t me.

“Justin, I want to go over there!”  

I look down at Davey and he’s pointing to someplace in the distance.  I can make out a kiddie speedboat ride, and I just know he wants me to get on the thing with him.  I groan inwardly.  It’s not my thing, looking like an asshole, but I think Abbey would slap me right now if I went over there and tried to make her do this instead of talking to Austin.  So I suck it up and take him.  I get in the little boat and my knees are up to my chin, but Davey is getting a kick out of it.  The thing literally goes about a half a mile an hour.  It’s the most boring thing ever, but I don’t let my feelings show.  Davey’s smile is too wide, and he’s having way too much fun.  I’m not going to be the one to spoil it for him.  Hell, I already killed Austin’s mood.

Davey manages to get me on the Fun Slide, the Mini Mouse, and the Happy Swing with him before I’m finally able to persuade him to come find Abbey with me.  I find Abbey and Austin a few minutes later sitting quietly on a bench that overlooks the rest of the amusement park, eating some cotton candy.  His head is resting on her shoulder.  I know he’s upset, and damn...I just...I hate it.  I want him to suck it up.  “What’s the problem?” I grunt.

Abbey looks over her shoulder as she rubs Austin’s back.  “We’re just taking a break,” she tells me, the look in her eyes saying more than what she’s letting on.  

“Austin,” I say gently.  “Look...it’s not a big deal about Mom, okay?”

He sniffles a little bit and slowly looks back at me.  “I just...I just miss my mom and dad,” he whispers.

I just stand there, not knowing what the fuck to say to him.  Davey is very quiet.  I can feel him digging his fingers into my thigh, and I have to pry them off.  

“How about we go to Serendipity.”  Abbey offers after a moment, obviously trying to lighten the mood somewhat.  “You love it there, right Davey?  I hear they have a Happy Birthday Sundae.”

He nods.  I take it as a cue to get the hell out of here.  “Yeah, lets go.”  I take Davey’s hand again, and Abbey immediately jumps up from the bench, persuading Austin to follow suit.  I call Quincy, and he meets us at the nearest street corner, and we head to the ice cream parlor.  It’s crowded, but I’m thankful for the noise.  It’s a nice distraction from the miserable mood both of my brothers are now in.  Christ, all this drama over whac-a-mole?

I should have thought twice I guess.  I mean....that was my moms favorite game at the fair.  I’m an idiot.

We all get massive sundaes, and pass them around in a circle so we can all have a taste of each others.  I really love this place.  Before Abbey, I’d only been once.  Trace took Kristy out for her birthday, but we’d been so eager to talk business that I’d joined them for ice cream.  It was sick.  I’m trying not to be that way so much....

But damn it, now my phone is ringing.  

My hand immediately grabs it out of my pocket, on reflex.  Abbey stares at me as I hold it in front of me and look at the screen.  I know she doesn’t want me to answer but...this is important.  I spend the next twenty minutes on the phone with Dennis, talking about profit margin and an increase in a few stocks that we’ve recently bought into.  Fuck, I know Abbey is livid because she won’t even look at me.  Austin has his head on the table, and Davey is just staring into space.

“Really, Justin?” Abbey grunts the second I finish the call.  “Was that necessary?”

I roll my eyes.  “Come on, it was an important call.”

“Right.”

She looks back at her ice cream and I know I’m screwed.  She’s pissed, and I should have known better.  “Sorry,” I mutter.

“You do it all the time.  I haven’t said anything, but I’m really sick of it, and I’m sure the boys are too.”

“Hey, I’ve been cutting back.”  I say, as I shove a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.  “A lot’s been going on.”r32;

“Still, it’s Davey’s birthday,” she scowls.  “I thought you would have at least turned the damn thing off for a couple of hours.”

I shrug.  “I can’t.  I’m on call for the moment.”

“Business first,” she laughs sadly.  “I forgot.”

“That’s not fair,” I grunt.

“It is.”  She nods.  “C’mon boys.”  

She gets up from the table and the boys immediately do the same.  Austin won’t look at me.  He just seems sad and disappointed, and Davey has gone into one of his infamous trances.  “Wait,” I call out to her as she starts to walk off with the boys.  “You’re not giving me a chance!" 

She stops, sighs and looks back at me.  “I’m not happy with you right now.”

I shrug.  “I’ll make it up to you...all of you.  Let’s have Quincy take us to the mall or something.”

She shakes her head.  “You can’t just buy us out,” she says sternly.  ‘I know that’s what you’re going to do, Justin.”

She’s trying to make a point with me, but damn it, I’m not in the mood for any of this.  I don’t really give a fuck about what I’m supposed to be doing.  It’s my damn life.  This is the way I live it.  “I have a job to do,” I tell her.  “Things are complicated right now and the people that work under me, need my input.  I’m out with you three when I could be conferencing with my partners.  I’d appreciate a little gratitude.”

“They’re more important than the damn office!” She yells at me as she points to the boys.  “Things have been hard enough, what with guards and press and everything!  Can’t you just pay attention to us for more than a couple of hours a day!”

People around us are whispering and glancing at us. I just want to get the hell out of here.  “Abbey...”

“Screw you.”  She takes the boys by the hands and yanks them out of Serendipity, leaving me to pay the bill and be embarrassed as hell in public.  But I refuse to let it get me down.  I pay the bill...and then, I call Dennis back.  He’s happy to hear from me.  He doesn’t care that I’m supposed to be family man of the year right now.  He’d rather that I be on the phone with him.  It’s where I belong, after all.  This is my life.  I’ve been trying to juggle all of this...family and work, and maybe....maybe I’m just not cut out for it.

Maybe when I get Trace out of jail, I’ll stop trying so damn hard.  My feelings for Abbey aren’t going to change of course, but if she can’t understand they way I need to run my business, there’s no sense in putting this much effort into ‘family time’ with her.

I’m just not cut out for it I guess.

I love my money too much, even now.  Even when I have the best girl in New York City on my arm and two brothers that love me more than anything in the world

I know I’ll never change, and that’s a harsh fucking reality to face.