Justin is a businessman, first and foremost. That’s what he’s always been, and so...I don’t know why I should expect him to change so drastically because of me...because of the boys. Maybe it’s selfish of me to expect that from him. Maybe I need to accept the fact that he needs to be on his phone, needs to do work at all hours of the day and night. I shouldn’t have been such a bitch, shouldn’t have given him the cold shoulder on Davey’s birthday. I mean, he’s done a lot for me, dug me out of the rut I was in for six years and showed me I could have a life.
Maybe I let it go to my head. Maybe I’m the one who’s becoming selfish now.
I mean, he’s not even in love with me and I’m expecting him to change everything about himself for my sake.
Maybe that’s not fair. I should give him a little more credit I guess. He has more of a heart now than he did in the beginning. I should be thankful for that and think of nothing else. He pissed me off though. It was Davey’s birthday and his phone conversation seemed to be more important to him. I stormed out of the restaurant with the boys and brooded in the car until he finally decided to join us, the phone jammed in his ear once again.
We didn’t speak for the rest of the night.
We’ve been fighting entirely too much lately. It sucks. I thought things were going to be so much better after the Hamptons. Thought all of our lives were going to change for the better, but I’ve never been this stressed out over our relationship before. I know it’s because of everything going on with Trace, but still...I’m not exactly cut out to handle catastrophe. I’ve been through a huge one in my life. One that I could barely handle. Now I’ve been thrust into a lifestyle that I was completely unprepared for. But hey...I wanted it right? Justin asked me to be with him and I said yes. Saying yes meant getting him, the boys, and everything else that goes along with them.
I just want Justin to talk to Sydney, and get Trace out of jail, so that I can start to regain a little bit of my sanity.
But it seems to be taking fuckin’ forever for him to do it.
It’s probably not his fault. I’m sure there’s a plan in place, but I wouldn’t know about it, since I haven’t discussed it with him. We haven’t been speaking this week. I’m still mad at him about the phone and he’s still too pig headed to come down off his throne and admit that he was an asshole. The boys know something is wrong. Austin keeps asking me if I’m angry at Justin...if I’m going to leave. I keep having to reassure him that I would never leave, but I won’t really get into my feelings for Justin. He’s just a kid, doesn’t need to concern himself with our relationship. I want him to focus on school, on making friends, and being happy.
He needs to be happy.
It seems like everything reminds him in some small way of his parents. It happens all the time when we’re together, and at Davey’s birthday it was no different. Justin reacted like it was the first time he ever saw the kid so upset and looking back on it now, I guess I can say that I had started to become annoyed with Justin right there at Victoria Gardens. He just...doesn’t want to take the time to let Austin have his emotional moments. The Hamptons was the exception, but Justin was on vacation and out of the work mindset then. He was a different person. As soon as we got back to the city he immediately transformed back into business Justin. I haven’t seen Hamptons Justin since. Not even on the weekends.
I hate it, but I’m starting to question whether or not I made the right decision by becoming Justin’s girlfriend. I haven’t asked Charlene. I know she’ll just tell me I’m overreacting, but she’s not around us...she couldn’t know that.
The only person I have to rely on is myself.
And my gut is telling me that my place is here, with him.
Today I took Davey to look at a school that Francine recommended. I didn’t tell Justin, because it was a special needs school and I figured the most he would do was complain and tell me it was out of the question. I know Brimwood is the place that Davey belongs. Of course, he clung to me the entire time we walked around with the lady who was giving us the grand tour. He was scared out of his mind, and it was a sure sign that he wouldn’t last a day in public school. I liked the place. It seems very gentle and open to whatever Davey is feeling on a particular day. It’s exactly what he needs, and the first chance I get I’m going to discuss it with Justin, hopefully persuade him to go take a tour of the place himself.
I mean, if we work out our relationship issues anytime soon.
Justin didn’t come home for dinner tonight, and last night, he was an hour late. He didn’t say much, just made an excuse that he was at the office. Austin glared at him, but didn’t say anything, and Davey just sat at the table quietly, staring down at his plate of food. I put up with the excuse because I didn’t feel like arguing with him.
But tonight I just know...he’s slipping.
Things are starting to get back to the way they used to be, and that’s very bad.
I sit on the sofa with my arms crossed as I watch the mindless crap flashing across the TV screen. The boys went to bed an hour ago, and it was only then that I dismissed the guards. Usually they won’t leave until Justin comes home, but I told them there was no point staying, because I didn't know when Justin would walk through the door. They agreed, reluctantly, and I was thankful to be rid of them. Lucinda wet off to iron Justin’s clothes shortly after, and then I was left alone. I’m still sitting here, still alone, for the first time in weeks. Justin isn’t at my side, letting me rest my head on his shoulder, reassuring me that everything is okay.
Tonight, he doesn’t care.
He didn’t even call me. Not once, all day.
I hear the front door open and shut again. The familiar “plunk” sound of his briefcase hitting the floor next to the door hits my ears, and then his voice comes. He’s on his phone, again. I start to rise from the sofa, ready to go hide in one of the spare bedrooms so I don’t have to face him. I know my temper is flared up right now, and I don’t feel like yelling tonight, but the moment I take one step forward I find myself face to face with him.
“I’ll call you back, Dennis.” Justin pulls the Blackberry away from his ear and drops it into his pocket. “Hey.”
He looks run down, and I’m sure work was no party for him today, but I’m too angry to bother asking him about it. “Hi.” I grumble it and start past him.
“So how long is it gonna be before we start talking to each other again,” he calls back to me.
I stop in my tracks, squeeze my eyes shut and groan inwardly. Of course, he’s going to throw it in my face right now, on the night he didn’t bother to show up for dinner. “When you stop acting like a selfish prick,” I say, when I turn back to face him again.
He chuckles lightly and scratches his brow. “So that’s how it’s gonna be?”
I shrug. “You’re the one who’s slipping, not me.”
“Slipping?” He scoffs. “The fuck does that mean?”
“It means you’re turning back into the guy I met on my interview day,” I nod. “Get it now?”
“I answer my phone and now I’m a selfish prick who’s slipping?”
“You...god!” I clench my fists at my sides. “Don’t you get it! You’re not...here. You’re everywhere else.”
“I thought you understood about the office,” he says to me quietly. “You always seemed to before, Abbey.”
I shake my head. “You were balancing it out for a while. Then...it’s like, something just snapped.”
“Well, I think the current situation might be a clue as to why,” he says to me, like I’m stupid. “Shit, Ab. I’m trying. You know I’m trying.”
“Where were you tonight then?” I snap.
“Trumps back in town,” he mutters. “I had to go to dinner with him and a bunch of other people.”
“So you couldn’t have called?”
He just stares at me.
“Exactly.”
I storm away from him, and he doesn’t follow me. I go into the first bedroom I run into...Justin’s, and collapse onto the bed, sobbing, not knowing what the hell to do. I’m crying so hard, and I don’t even know why. Is it because I’m stressed from everything else, or simply because I don’t feel like Justin gives a damn about anything we’ve been building together?r32;
“Ab.”
His voice comes, what seems to be hours later, very gently. My eyes are closed. I stopped crying long ago, but I haven’t fallen asleep just yet. I try to pretend I am though. I try so hard. But when I feel him crawl into the bed and brush his fingers gently across my cheek, I have no choice but to look at him.
“I...I didn’t mean to make you this upset. I figured you would realize I was working.”
I turn over so my back is facing him. “Lame excuse,” I mutter.
“Look, what is it?” He asks me gently. “I’m sorry about Davey’s birthday, all right? I...I shouldn’t have taken the call. It’s just...I have all of these people yanking me in every direction right now. They’re clueless without me, and I dont’ have Trace to handle little shit like I did before. Last night and today...I just got wrapped up in meetings, and then dinner...Trump just pulled me out the door. I should have called. I’m sorry. I...I hate not talking to you, Ab. You’re my sanity. I...I care about you so much.”
I don’t want to turn over. God, I don’t want to give in. But I’m in such need of him, that I can’t help myself. I turn back over, and sigh harshly. “It’s really hard for me to believe you right now.”
“This thing with Sydney is almost done.” He reaches out and smoothes some hair back behind my ear. “Things will be better really soon. I promise.”
“What about Trump,” I whisper, uncertainly. “He’s still going to be around, pulling you every which way.”
“That’s...something else I wanted to talk to you about,” he says, not quite meeting my gaze.
“What?”
“I’m going to have to start going on a lot of business trips pretty soon,” he sighs. “It’s for the welfare of the new hotel project, and a positive thing, but...I’m going to be gone a lot more. I’d...I’d like to take you and the boys with me...”r32;
“Austin has school. Soon Davey will too,” I say, bluntly.
He’s silent for a moment. “I know.”
I can’t look him in the eyes. I thought we were almost over the hump. That Trace would be vindicated and everything would go back to normal, but I should have known better. I can just tell by the look in Justin’s eyes that his business trips are going to be keeping him away a lot of the time. How is that supposed to help our relationship? “So I’m just supposed to wait around for you?”
“I thought we would work something out with the boys’ school. Or maybe I could just hire a traveling tutor for them instead.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s not a normal way for them to grow up.”
“Yeah...” He trails off and gently grasps my hand in his. “But I don’t want to be away from you, either.”
I sigh and bite my bottom lip. “It’s not about me, or you, though. It’s about the boys.”
“If I leave, things will get worse,” he nods. “And I just found you. I...I don’t want to lose you.”
I just shrug. “Then I guess you need to make some decisions.”
He stares at me for a long time. He seems shocked. Shocked that I’m asking him to choose. “I’ve worked my ass off for an opportunity this big.”
I laugh a little. “Sorry that we’re such a burden on you, Justin.”
“I didn’t say that,” he grunts. “I just...you don’t get it...”
“Oh I get it,” I interrupt him. “It’s about money. Like you don’t have enough of it.”
“It’s not just about that...”
“What’s it about then? Grandeur? So you can brag to all your friends that you have a hotel with your name on it? You’re willing to risk this relationship and your brother’s well beings for that?”
“You know what, I’m sorry I brought this up at all.” He pulls away from me and slides over a little so our bodies are no longer in contact. “You won’t listen to me.”
“I’m giving you my opinion. I’m not going to lay here with you and tell you that I’m fine with something that I’m not. You need to figure out what’s more important to you.”
His back is turned to me now, and the covers are pulled up around his shoulders. “Forget it.”
“Child.”
He doesn’t answer me. I know he’s done discussing the subject with me.
It makes me want to pack my bags and leave.
But there are two things stopping me, and I couldn’t live with myself if I left them right now. I’m all they have, apparently, because Justin’s project is becoming more important. I’m afraid to see what his attitude will be like in a months time. If our so called relationship will even exist. The type of woman he’s used to dating would be content if he left her his credit card, kissed her goodbye, and told her he would see her in a few weeks. But that’s not me. I want companionship. I want to be loved.
It’s the first time in forever, that I’ve longed for Braeden.
This can’t be good.
Author's Chapter Notes:
it's short, but enjoy it!
Story Tags: triangles justinandtrace executivej
