“The cabin boy?”
I shrug as I put the finishing touches on my faux stubble. “We made a deal.”
“Who goes as the cabin boy?” Trace scoffs and continues to slick back his hair with the gel in his hand. “I mean, I’m Dracula. You’re the boss. Your character is supposed to dwarf mine.”
“Please,” I laugh. “It’s just a party, man. Get a grip.”
“I still say you should have gone with the Black Beard outfit.” He rolls his eyes. “You’re fuckin’ whipped, that’s your problem.”
He’s probably right. I won’t admit it to him though. I’m not ready to do that yet, with anyone. Deep inside I know how much control Abbey holds over me. If she asked me to do something for her, no matter what it was, I’d give in. Why is that?
I won’t admit the reason to myself.
It scares me because I know...I know what the reason probably is.
But I can’t be in love.
It’s bad. Trace and I haven’t discussed anything about the trial or his imprisonment since he was released. I know he likes it better that way. Trace isn’t the emotional type. If something happens, he likes to face it briefly and forget it. I guess I’m enabling him to do that. I shouldn’t be. I should be his friend, sit him down, and ask him if he’s doing okay...if we’re okay, but I think I would agitate him. He’s semi comfortable staying here with us, and if I start bugging him he might just pack up and leave. As it is, he won’t give me a firm answer about coming back to Goldman. He says he has to think about it, and I know it’s because he’s still embarrassed. Hell, I would be too.
If I lose Trace at work all together, I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do. I’m praying he’ll change his tune when he sees all the renovations that I’ve made to his place. I’m hoping he’ll be so grateful that he’ll come back to work out of the goodness of his heart.
But I know Trace, and he’s not so easily pushed over.
The one thing I have going for me right now is my relationship with Abbey. We’ve been working on things or maybe...I’ve been working on things. I’ve been trying to see things from her perspective, been trying to put my phone away once dinner time rolls around, been trying to spend as much quality time with my brothers as I can. Austin and I practice his moves every weekend, and I make sure that I read to Davey every night before he falls asleep. I feel like I’ve learned a lot since I backed out of the deal with Trump. I’ve learned how to...have a family I guess, and...I’m a lot happier because of it.
Abbey is too.
But we all need a break, and while it took a lot of convincing on my part, Abbey agreed to come to this party with me tonight. She said she’s inviting a friend to meet us for dinner beforehand, though. Her best friend. She said she wants me to meet her, and I guess...I guess that’s kind of important. I mean, I didn’t even know she had any friends in the city. It’ll be nice though, getting to meet somebody else involved in Abbey’s life.
Maybe she can teach me a little bit more about her past.
“So who’s this girl that’s coming tonight?” Trace asks me, obviously getting over the subject of my being ‘whipped.’
“She’s a friend of Abbey’s,” I explain. “I’ve never met her. She’s just having dinner with us.”
“You’re not trying to set me up already I hope,” he mutters.
“Hey, it wasn’t my idea,” I chuckle. “Relax, man. She just wants me to meet the girl.”
He doesn’t say anything, just shakes his head as he walks out the bathroom.
I know he’s uncomfortable about tonight, even though he won’t admit it. He’ll never be the same...not really. Even though his relationship with Sydney was more for Kristy’s sake than anything else, I know that deep down there was a part of him that cared for her. Losing her must have been somewhat painful for him, especially the way it went down. This isn’t the night to bring it up of course. I don’t know when that night will be, either.
The only person I want to focus on tonight is Abbey.
It’s really hard though, when I still feel so guilty about what happened to Trace. I really stepped up for him at the trial. Most people couldn’t understand. In fact, most of the people I know still put the blame on Trace for all of this. They said he should have seen this coming, that he could have stopped Sydney from doing what she did. Maybe he could have, maybe he should have seen it coming, but I can’t hold it against him. After everything he’s done for me, he doesn’t deserve it.
I think what I really need to do is get away for longer than a weekend. I think it would be good for all of us. I usually go skiing when the weather gets cooler out. I love Colorado...going to the mountains. It’s so isolated, so private. Sometimes, I can’t even get cell phone service, which has normally been my only pet peeve about the place. It won’t be this time though. An excuse not to use my cell phone for a week would probably make Abbey and the boys the happiest they’ve been around me in a long time. It’ll help us grow closer. Make us even more like a family.
I think I’ll tell Cheryl to book us the cabin for Thanksgiving.
It’s crazy. I can’t remember the last time I had a real Thanksgiving. I usually sneak into the office and work in privacy.
“Hey.”
I turn around and smile when I see her standing in the doorway, a tired but happy smile on her face. “Hey you.” I walk up to her and pull her close to me before giving her a light kiss. “All set?”
“Yeah. Kristy and the boys are at Samantha Grey’s house...that’s Derricks mom. She said it was no problem having them stay the night. She said she’d drop the kids off at school in the morning, and she has a four year old who hasn’t started school yet, so Davey can play with him for the day.”
I have no idea who the hell Samantha Grey is, but I leave that type of shit up to Abbey anyway. “So we have the night to ourselves then?” I smirk.
“I’m all yours,” she smiles back at me and touches the tip of her index finger to my face, slightly smearing the makeup I’ve applied. “Nice touch, cabin boy.”
“Hey, I can be creative at times. I love Halloween.”
“What, no eyepatch?”
“I was just about to put it on,” I wink.
“Oh lord,” she snorts out a laugh and rolls her eyes. “I’m going to change. Charlene said she would meet us at the restaurant around eight.”
“So...fill me in about this girl again,” I say, tugging at her arm before she can walk away from me.
“Don’t you listen to anything I tell you?” she huffs.
“Well...yeah,” I smirk and pull her back close to me again, caressing her face with my hand. “Sometimes I’m just so caught up in you that I lose focus.”
“Oh please.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Hey, I thought that was pretty good.”
“I’ve known her since I was four,” she explains. “She’s my best friend. I just thought it would be nice to have you meet her since...we’re...kind of serious now, and you haven’t met any of my friends.”
I nod a little. I get why she wants me to do this. I mean, I shouldn’t have a problem with it either. It’s just...that...that whole seriousness thing. Of course I should know that we’re getting serious. We’ve probably been serious for months now. There’s just that part of me that is still so damn afraid of commitment, of taking extra steps. I can’t make that fear go away. I want to protect myself.
Maybe I should see a therapist.
“She’s not the type that’s going to take me aside and pressure me to put a ring on your finger right?” I only half laugh, because a big part of me is serious.
“Marriage?” Abbey scoffs. “You?”
I feel my face scrunch up a little. “What’s that mean?”
She only sighs a little. “Nothing J. Just...meet me downstairs in a half hour, okay?”
She tries to walk away from me again. This time I almost let her, but then something makes me go after her. “Hey, come on. I want an explanation.”
“I really don’t want to get into this tonight,” she calls back over her shoulder. “We’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves.”
“Yeah?” I snap back, feeling the anger rising in me. “Well, you just got us into it!”
She stops and whirls completely back around, hands on her hips, eyes narrowed at me defiantly. “We can’t talk about a certain...subject, without you retreating into the far corners of your mind and ignoring it. That’s why I said it.”
I roll my eyes. Okay. Subject dropped. “You’re right,” I whisper.
She nods. “I’ll see you downstairs.”
I let her walk away this time. Yeah. She definitely won that one, hands down, and I’m too much of a coward to go after her and say: ‘you’re right, we should talk about the fact that you’re in love with me and think I should love you back.’ I can’t do it. I can’t let that last barrier inside of me crack for her.
I’m a shitty guy for that.
She’s on edge tonight too, and with good reason. I know that guy...Braeden, it would have been his birthday today. She’s here with me. That has to be effecting her in a major way, because I’m pretty sure I’m the first guy she’s been with since he disappeared. It should mean a lot to me that she has the courage to move on like this, commit herself to me completely and try to forget about her past. I mean, I guess it means something to me. Just not nearly as much as it should. I don’t get emotional on my parent’s birthdays, and I probably still won’t now that they’re dead and gone. Life moves on, the world hasn’t stopped spinning. There’s still work to be done...money to be made. It’ll just be another day to me.
Speaking of my parents passing...I think I’ve been doing exceptionally well during this whole ‘mourning process’. I don’t even think about what happened to them anymore, or that...I never got to say goodbye. With Abbey as a convenient distraction, I managed to push through it, move on. It’s still hell getting my brothers to do the same, but I expect that. I’ve been trying to lead by example, and it will probably take another six to eight months for that example to sink in completely.
I take another twenty minutes to put the finishing touches on my costume and makeup, taking one final look in the mirror before I’m satisfied. I smile. I make a really good looking cabin boy. If my mom were here right now she would probably just laugh and tell me that my faux beard looks more like measles...
Fuck. No. Not right now.
I shake my head roughly, suck in a long breath, and retreat downstairs. Trace and Abbey are waiting for me, but I barely look at Trace. I can’t keep my eyes off of my girlfriend because she looks...so damn hot. I’m a little shocked. Abbey is usually pretty conservative, doesn’t like anything too low cut or too short, but tonight is the exception. She’s dressed in probably the most scandalous pirate costume I’ve ever seen. Complete with long, black, lace up boots, a bustier, and sword.
Thank god for raunchy Halloween costumes. This is probably the only time I’ll ever be able to see her like this in public.
That’s probably better for my image, though.
“I know why you’re staring,” Abbey grunts at me. “It was the only thing they had left. It’s called a Playboy Pirate outfit.”
“Perfect,” I grin.
“I think she’s about to slap you man,” Trace warns me with a laugh as he opens the door for us. “Let’s go. I’m fuckin’ starving.”
I grab Abbey’s hand and lead her out the door before she can decide she’d rather not venture out in public with that costume on. Soon, we are in the Escalade and on our way to dinner. Abbey seems to relax but I immediately begin to tense up at the prospect of meeting this Charlene person. What if she hates me? What if she tells Abbey she doesn’t think I’m the right guy for her? I know how women are. They take one look at you and judge you before you can even say hello. Considering my status in the world, I know I could either be viewed as a ‘great catch’ or a ‘pompous asshole.’
Come to think of it, I wonder what she’s told her friend about me. I’d ask...but I feel like Abbey would get pissed off.
I realize we aren’t at the type of restaurant that Trace or I would have picked, right as Quincy pulls up to the curb. It’s some kind of barbeque style hole in the wall, complete with neon signs in the windows and a big pigs head above the door. I shudder. I’m about to dine with the classless. It’s something I haven’t done in years, and I have to admit...I don’t miss it.
“What a dump. Where are we?” Trace grumbles.
I’m glad he’s decided not to hold back.
“Charlene bar tends here a few nights a week. It’s really close to her place, so I said we could meet her here for a quick bite,” Abbey explains. “What’s the problem?”
“It’s just...I mean, couldn’t you have picked someplace uptown?” I blurt out.
She gives me a queer look. “You mean a place where they serve you a thirty dollar bottle of sparkling water? I didn’t want Charlene to feel uncomfortable, Justin.”
I just shrug. “So it’s better to make us uncomfortable?”
She glares at me. “Are you going to come in or what?”
“Come on. Let’s just eat and get it over with.” Trace grunts it at me and gets out of the car.
Now it’s just me and her.
“I can’t believe you’re making a big deal out of this. Look at us, Justin. We’re not exactly dressed for the executive cotillion here. I figured a rib place would be full of people dressed up in costumes.”
“We’re above this,” I whisper at her.
She gives me a disgusted look. “You’re a snob.”
“I know my place in the city,” I point out. “At this point, I thought you would have figured out yours, and don’t hand me that crap that you haven’t changed. I know you have. You go out shopping with all the other women. You’re one of them now. You use my credit line too, and I see the bills. I haven’t seen one charge in any shops off of Park or Fifth.”
She’s stone silent, but she doesn’t look angry now...she just looks shocked. I think I’ve sort of jolted her into reality. She’s not some petty little city girl anymore. She has status. I’ve given her that status in hopes that she would be able to handle it and figure out her role as my girlfriend. Realize that she’s a direct reflection of myself now. That people will tear her down and tear me down if they see us doing the improper things.
“Have you forgotten what your life was like before all of this?” She snaps at me.
“I’ve sure been trying to,” I grumble.
“Maybe...maybe I was wrong to bring you here tonight,” she says, looking down at her lap. “Maybe I’ve been wrong about a lot of things. I shouldn’t pressure you, because you don’t want to compromise.”
I sigh heavily. All right...I’m being a jerk. I’m not understanding her perspective. It’s just...hard...when I’ve grown so accustomed to certain things in my life. I hate change. “Abbey you’re....you’re not wrong,” I say, taking one of her hands in mine.
She snatches it away. “Do you know how hard today is for me, Justin?”
She’s sobbing now. Fuck, I’m an idiot. Still, I can’t think of anything comforting to say to her, so I just stare.
“Of course you don’t,” she whimpers. “You haven’t even asked me how I’m doing. You’re more concerned about some party...about getting me in bed at some hotel tonight, and when I try to include you in my life...by trying to introduce to somebody that’s been there for me through everything, you just toss it away like it doesn’t matter, because you’re too good for her!”
“Abbey...”
She gets out of the car and slams the door.
“Shit.” I put my head in my hands. Hell, what was I thinking about. I should have just kept my damn thoughts to myself. Grinned and bared it for her sake. It’s a hard day for her and she was holding her feelings in so we could have a nice time. Why do I have to be so damn hard headed? Act like I’m above everybody else?
I guess I’ve forced myself to be for so long, it’s really hard to slip out of the mindset now.
It takes me a few minutes, and few kind words of encouragement from Quincy who had heard the entire argument, to get me moving. I slowly get out of the car and walk the few steps over to the entrance of the place. The moment I open the door a burst of sound envelops my ears. It’s loud, small, and cramped. People are everywhere. Some are drunk, and none of them are civilized. The only plus side is the dress code. Everybody is dressed in Halloween garb, and I’m glad that I at least blend in. I spot Trace, Abbey, and who I presume to be Charlene seated in a booth at the far end of the restaurant. Surprisingly enough, Trace is laughing and seems to be enjoying the conversation he’s holding with Charlene. I can tell Abbey is lost though. She’s staring out into space, probably trying to figure out the best way to dump me without hurting the boys.
I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet right now.
“Is this the illustrious Justin Timberlake?”
Charlene smiles up at me as I draw nearer to their table. I force a smile, and when Trace looks back over his shoulder at me with sympathetic gaze, I do the best I can not to let my true emotions shine through. “That would be me,” I nod and slide into the empty spot beside Trace.
Abbey won’t even look at me.
“Abbey won’t stop talking about you,” Charlene chuckles as she shakes my hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”r32;
She’s dressed up like a gypsy tonight, but aside from that I can tell that she’s a relatively simple girl...like Abbey is. She also seems completely genuine, completely happy to meet me, which is making me feel even worse. “Pleasure,” I respond, hardly above a whisper, and pretend to lose myself in the menu.
Dinner is uneventful. Abbey drinks a ton of Sangria while Charlene tries to initiate small talk with me, but I’m only half with her, and she eventually gets bored and sets her focus on Trace. Ever the talker, he immediately gets into a conversation with her about god knows what, and I’m thankful. I want to be left alone. Figure this out before it gets worse. At some point I make a pathetic attempt to get Abbey’s attention by brushing my hand against her thigh from underneath the table, at which she quietly excuses herself from the table, leaving me red in the face. I can feel Trace and Charlene staring at me, knowing I’m probably the one to blame for her absence.
I order another glass of wine.
“It’s getting late,” Trace reminds me. “We better hurry up if we want to make an appearance at the party.”
I just nod.
“I’m uh...gonna use the bathroom.”
He says it quickly and rushes away.
Great, as if things weren’t awkward enough, now I’m stuck alone at the table with a complete stranger.
“Looks like you and Abbey aren’t having the best night.”
I shrug.
“You know...” she continues, unfazed by my attitude. “Abbey was really excited about introducing you to me. I’m not sure if you realize how big of a deal it is.”
I want to ignore her. I wish I could, but something tells me that this girl is persistent and doesn’t give up easily. I sigh. “I know what’s going on with Abbey,” I grumble. “I’ll handle it.”
“I don’t think you do,” she states bluntly, her eyes narrowed in that same defiant stare I’ve seen on Abbey’s face a thousand times before. “I don’t think you know what she’s been going through this week.”
“I know about Braeden,” I snap at her. “What else is there to know?”
She sits back and crosses her arms, a little smirk creeping onto her face as she stares at me. “Have you ever been in love before, Justin?”
I laugh at her. “Are you serious? I don’t even know you. Why the hell would I discuss that with you?”
“It’s a simple question.”
My wine comes just in time, and I take a few long sips of it before setting the glass back down and meeting her gaze again. She’s still waiting for an answer. “What does it matter to you?” I mutter
“Because...” she leans in towards me. “If you had been, I think you would understand her emotions a little bit better.”
I shrug. “I know a lot about psychology.”
“Right.” She shakes her head and laughs sadly. “Look, Justin, I barely know anything about you other than what I’ve read in Fortune, and I doubt that’s the entire truth anyway. The only thing I know for sure, is that you’re dating my best friend in the world, and by the way she’s acting, I can tell she’s really serious about you. I know how guys like you operate. I’ve dated a few of them, and I know they hate to get serious if it means having to choose a relationship over their money.”
I smirk right back at her. “I think I have it pretty down pat,” I nod. “Abbey has no reason to complain.”
“Braeden was the love of her life, Justin,” she tells me quietly. “As much as she thinks she’s over him...I know her...and she’ll never be completely over him. She’s searching for that kind of relationship again. She needs it, and right now...she thinks that she’s found it. You have to decide if that’s what you want, if you can give her every part of you. If you can’t...you better let her know right now before you fuck her up even more.”
I hate that she thinks she can analyze me like this. Fuck, she doesn’t know about my relationship with Abbey...how happy we’ve been, how closely we’ve bonded. That girl has told me everything, opened herself up to me entirely, and I take good care of her. She wants for nothing. So what if I’m not the most emotional person in the world? Why should it matter so much? “I know what my girlfriend needs from me,” I snap at her. “I take good care of her, and I’ll get her over Braeden. She’s gotta move on some time.”
“Yeah. I’ve only been telling her that for seven years. I haven’t been able to do it, and I’m her best friend. Don’t let her use you for comfort, Justin. It’s a shitty position to be in.”
She rolls her eyes and looks away from me. I do the same, focus on the table top and wait for Trace and Abbey to get back. I can’t wait to get away from her. I can feel my skin crawling...that’s how uncomfortable she’s managed to make me in the short time we’ve been alone at the table together.
“Those bathrooms are nasty.”
Trace plops down beside me again, and Abbey rejoins the table soon after. The tear stains are fresh on her face, and I know she’s been crying in the bathroom this whole time. It causes me to completely ignore my best friend. I feel a sharp twinge of pain shoot through me, because Abbey has gotten so upset, and I immediately call for the check. Trace and Charlene fall back into their conversation. Charlene is seemingly unfazed by what we just discussed, and I’m sure the subject won’t come up again unless we happen to be alone, which won’t happen...since I want nothing to do with her now.
“Ab.” I hold my hand out to her.
She doesn’t acknowledge it.
“Babe...please,” I whisper, leaning over the table so I can get in her face. “Let’s go out to the car.”
“I just..want to go home,” she sniffles and wipes at her eyes. “I feel sick.”
I shake my head. “Trace...”
He stops talking and gives me an awkward look.
“I’m gonna take off. We’re not going to the party. You think you can get a taxi back to my place?”
“S-sure...” His eyes shift uneasily from myself to Abbey and back again. “You two gonna be okay?”
I just nod. “Thanks.” I steal a final glance at Charlene. She barely acknowledges me, only gives Abbey a quick hug as we rise to our feet and makes her promise to call her tomorrow. I take Abbey by the hand after that and walk her out of the restaurant and back to the car. Quincy opens the door for us and soon we are back inside the Escalades tranquil interior. It’s quiet for a long time. Abbey sits there and sobs quietly while I stare out into space.
“I was wrong, and I’m sorry.” I say it. It sounds so foreign, because I’m never the first one to admit that I was wrong. I hate being wrong, but tonight there’s no denying that I was.
“It doesn’t matter,” she whimpers. “It’s just a fucked up day.”
It’s the first time I’ve ever realize that she’s still in mourning. It’s been seven years. Seven years and she’s still not over her boyfriend’s death. Why can’t she look past it? See the good in us? Mourning is pointless. I know that from seeing my parents being buried. It just...hurts too much to do it. “You can’t continue to do this to yourself. It’s like...you feel guilty that you’re with me. Like...it’s wrong.”
“How would you know what its like?” She snaps. “You wouldn’t even allow yourself to grieve over your parents when they died! At least you had closure! At least you know what happened to them! What about Braeden? Where the hell is the justice and closure for him? Oh...God...” She sobs harshly into her hands, starts moaning about how sorry she is.
She needs me right now. She needs me to be that strong, supportive guy for her.
I just...I just don’t know if I can...If it’s safe.
I just can’t afford to be shut out by somebody else.
Fuck, now I’m crying.
“Ab...” I reach out for her, and my hands connect with her trembling shoulders. “Abbey, please...just look at me.”
It takes her until Quincy finally pulls the car away from the curb for her to do it. Her makeup is ruined, and it’s only then that I remember we’re dressed up as pirates. It gets me to laugh a little bit, even though I shouldn’t be.
“Why are you laughing?” She sobs.
“We’re just...dressed as pirates,” I nod. “Pirates aren’t supposed to cry.”
She stares at me. For a moment I think she might scream at me, but when she just leans into me, and starts hysterically laughing, I know I’ve sort of compensated for the rotten feelings inside of her.
“I probably shouldn’t have drank all that Sangria at dinner,” she says, looking up at me a moment later.
I shrug. “You’re entitled. I won’t hold it against you.”
“Justin.”
I smirk a little and reach out so I can stroke her face. “Ab...I’m sorry that I was a jerk earlier. I just...”
“I dont’ care about that,” she sighs. “I don’t...It was just that I was already upset because of today. I shouldn’t have taken it to heart.”
I shake my head a little. “I think your friend hates me.”
She laughs a little bit. “Charlene hates everybody until she gets to know them. Dont take it personally.”
I lean down and smile as I kiss her gently on the lips. “I love you.”
It just comes out. It comes out and at first I don’t even realize I’ve said it. I’m staring at her, literally speechless.
She looks scared out of her mind, and I know...no matter what I do, I can never take back what I just said.
But I’m not a liar, and I know I meant it. I know I’ve been suppressing it for a long time and tonight...tonight was my limit. What the hell do I do now?
“I love you too,” she whispers.
And I can’t think about the consequences. All I can do is kiss her, fall deeper into her than I’ve ever fallen into any woman. Nobody has ever been right there, at my hearts doorstep and I’m so terrified that I’m going to lose her now. If I lost her now...that would be the end of me. I feel the hormones surging inside of me now, flowing through me like a dam that’s just been broken. I feel like I’ve been completed. That there’s nothing else I need in the whole entire world as long as she’s here.
And I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she never leaves.
Story Tags: triangles justinandtrace executivej
