Justin loves me.
It’s been weeks and that fact still has yet to sink in. Sometimes I think he’s going to renege on what he said. Tell me he wasn’t thinking right...that he didn’t mean it. I wait for it to happen. It never does though. I guess I shouldn’t be this paranoid. It’s probably bad. If he knew he’d probably freak out on me, so I’ll have to try and do better in the “getting my head screwed on straight” department.
“Abbey.”
I look over and meet Davey’s wide eyed gaze, and don’t hesitate to ruffle his hair a little bit. He’s been talking tons more. It’s almost a normal thing for him now. Justin is real happy about it, even told Francine he didn’t think we’d be needing her as much anymore. Naturally she protested, so did I...but Justin, ever the stubborn mule, said he would ‘think about it.’ “Yeah?”
“What’s Col-or-a-do?”
I laugh at him. “It’s a state, like New York.”
He shakes his head. “Austin said New York is an island.”
“Well...yeah...” I trail off and sigh. “But it’s a state too. Colorado is where I grew up. There’s lots of mountains and snow there.”
“Oh.”
He smirks slightly and goes back to his puzzle book, as if he fully understands what I just explained to him.
He’s so easy...most of the time, anyway.
After my breakdown on Braden’s birthday, Justin made sure to spend the rest of the night laid up in bed with me. He didn’t try to seduce me. He just...held me, told me how much he cared about me, and how he was always going to be here, that he would never leave me. It allowed me to fall asleep in his arms, completely content. It was the first time since Braden’s disappearance that I'd been able to do it.
And it told me that...that I had moved on. That while Braeden would always be in my heart, my life had completely changed, and I couldn’t afford to go back, to dwell on what I could have had with him if he’d survived.
For the first time in my life, I was coping with what happened. I had accepted Braeden’s death.
It felt amazing.
Halloween went by without incident. The kids were happy, Austin loved his costume, and Justin even managed to get home in time to see us on our way. Austin’s too stubborn to say it of course, but I know that night was probably one of his best since his parents passed away. It made me feel good that I could be there for him...and Davey too. It gave them a chance to just be kids for once. They were finally able to break away from the orderly lifestyle that went along with being Justin Timberlake’s siblings. When we were done galavanting the neighborhood trick or treating, a party commenced at one of the other children’s penthouse apartments. While we women picked through the candy the kids had gathered, we allowed the kids to stuff their faces with cupcakes and cookies, let them watch monster movies in the large family room until they passed out on the carpet.
Things melted back into their regular routine rather quickly after that weekend. Once we were fully into the new month of November, I started contemplating a way to get Justin to check out the special needs school I’d taken Davey to a few weeks prior. Trace and Kristy were out of the house by this point. Justin and I had helped him get settled back into his newly renovated place, and I can safely say that we were all glad to finally be apart from each other. Things between Trace and I hadn’t gotten any less awkward. As it is, we still haven’t sat down and discussed the fact that I’m a big part of the reason why he’s a free man now. He hasn’t said thank you. He still avoids me. It’s painfully obvious when he turns his back on me the moment I step into the same room as him. I don’t hold it against him. He’s not my best friend, he’s Justin’s, and I’ll leave them to their relationship, welcoming Kristy with open arms anytime her father feels the need to drop her off to play with Austin.
It’s the least I can do.
I brought the idea of touring Davey’s potential new school to Justin’s attention a few nights after Halloween had passed. The boys were settled in bed for the night, Justin’s day hadn’t seemed to be too strenuous, and we were snuggling in bed together after some much needed intimacy. I knew the deadline to get Davey started with a partial school year was quickly approaching, and I refused to deny the little guy his opportunity to better himself. “So...I was looking into to a school for Davey,” I whispered as he kissed the nape of my neck gently. “I really think he should start soon, Justin.”
“Didn’t I tell you?” He whispered it in my ear, and I could feel him smiling gently. “I set something up with Dalton for next week.”
I turned slightly so I could meet his gaze, and frowned. “I thought we were going to discuss it more before you made a final decision.”
“Come on babe.” He smiled, not seeming to get the hint that I was frustrated, and kissed my lips gently. “He doesn’t need to go to a retard school.”
“It’s not a retard school,” I groaned. “How ignorant can you be?”
“Look, he’ll be successful,” he persisted as he continued to kiss my skin and grope other parts of my body that were hidden under the covers. “It’s in his blood. Just trust me.”
“And if it doesn’t work out?” I sighed. “Then can we try the school I found?”
I felt him sigh against me. “If it doesn't’ work out...sure, anything you want. Can we talk about something else now?” He tugged on me so I would turn myself completely around to look at him. “Thanksgiving recess is coming up, you know?” He said, the playfulness returning to his eyes. “I thought we could do something special.”
It was something I’d been meaning to talk about with him, going to Colorado. I knew he had a cabin there, that he’d been planning on taking the boys up, and I guessed that meant me as well. I really wanted to see my family though. I just wasn’t sure if Justin was up to the challenge. Hell, I wasn’t really sure if I was either. Braeden had been the only boyfriend I’d ever had around my family, and it wasn’t just my family that I would be introducing Justin to. Braeden’s whole family would be there as well, along with the entire group of friends we’d grown up with. In fact, I had no idea how certain people would take the news that I’d suddenly “replaced” Braeden. I knew that a lot of his close friends still resented the fact that his family declared him deceased.
“I was thinking about Vail, but then I figured you might enjoy Aspen more,” Justin persisted, breaking through my paranoid thoughts. “My cabin’s all set up for the season there. They have a full time staff, and there’s a lot more things for the boys to do.”
“Well...I mean, yeah...that sounds fine,” I said, not quite looking him in the eye.
“Hey.” He pushed up on my chin with the tips of his fingers. “I tell you I want to take you to Aspen and all you can say is...that’s fine,” he laughed. “What’s wrong? Would you rather go someplace warm? I’ll call Cheryl...”
“No, no...” I forced a laugh and caressed his face a little bit. It became obvious to me that he was just trying to make me happy, to show me a good time, and I didn’t want him to think I was taking that for granted. “It’s just that...it’s been a long time since I was so close to home for the Thanksgiving holiday,” I nodded. “If we went to Aspen, I was hoping that...that you might want to go see my family for a day or two.”
He stared at me for a long moment. “Your family.” He finally whispered.
“Yeah.”
I looked away from him then, waiting to hear some lame excuse as to why it wasn’t a good idea...why he couldn’t take that particular step with me right now.
“You mean, go...eat Thanksgiving dinner with them?”
I looked up at him again. He looked bewildered, like he’d never done such a thing in his life, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that his parents probably hadn’t been able to give him a proper Thanksgiving when he was growing up. “That was the idea, Justin. The boys would have a good time. There will be a few kids there that are in their age group.”
He shrugged a little, bit his lip and looked away from me for a few moments. “I’ve...um...I’ve never been around anybody else’s family before.”
He was nervous. Maybe even a little bit terrified, and I couldn’t blame him. The positive side to it was, he hadn’t said no yet. I knew I needed to be a little bit more open with him about how my family was, and show him that he didn’t need to be all that nervous. “They’re normal...I mean, as normal as any other family can be,” I told him gently. “Thanksgiving is fun at my house. We wake up early and go watch the game up at the high school, then everybody comes back to the house, watches TV and eats until they burst. Then the next morning we go shopping and look at all the Christmas displays set up in town.”
He took a few minutes to absorb everything I told him. His face contorted into that serious, thoughtful expression I would see on his face whenever he was watching Bloomberg Television, or on an important phone call.
“Justin if you don’t want to...” I began.
“How long...how long has it been since you’ve seen them?”
He said it abruptly, as if he didn’t even hear me begin to speak, and I knew the whole idea of family was effecting him on a much bigger scale than I originally thought it would. “About four years,” I whispered. “I mean, I talk to my parents on the phone once in a while...but I haven’t been home. I guess it was too painful going back, you know?”
He kissed my forehead gently, and then smiled back at me as if he realized it was something that I really needed to go do. “Yeah. Of course I’ll go. You...you need to see your family.”
I couldn’t believe it.
I still can’t believe it.
Naturally, my family is in cahoots that I’ll be making this appearance at all. When I called my mom, she practically broke down over the phone with me before my dad intercepted and told me he would see me in a couple of weeks. I could hear my sister freaking out in the background.
It should be an interesting reunion with them.
We took Davey to Dalton last week. Justin even took the morning off from work so he could prove to me that everything would go smoothly and Davey would love it there. I was shocked. Apparently Trace was pissed about Justin’s absence too. I forgot to mention that the fucker has taken his old position back at Goldman full time, even though he told Justin he was ‘hesitant’ about doing it for weeks. My thought was that Trace wouldn’t last more than a few weeks not being able to make a profit, and I was right. The guy even called Justin up on the way, asking him how long it would take to “dump the kid at school,” that it was going to cut into their “Monday run through.”
It was the first time since Trace was acclimated back into society that I heard Justin tell him to fuck off and get back to work.
I stayed out of that whole thing entirely.
Quincy pulled the car up to the curb, and Austin immediately got out and went inside as he always did. Part of me was hopeful that Davey would follow the example his brother set for him, but as Justin and I got out of the car I realized that it wasn’t going to happen.
“C’mon buddy,” Justin coaxed from his position on the sidewalk. “Let’s go. It’s your big day today.”
He’d gone into a sort of trance, arms crossed, gaze firmly fixed on his shoes as he remained seated in the car. I gave Justin my most skeptical of looks, but he pretended not to notice.
“Remember what we talked about last night?” Justin continued. “You said you wanted to go to school with Austin.”
“No.”
The word came out of him, barely above a whisper, and I knew my little guy was completely freaked out at the prospect of going into the school. “Justin I think...”
“He’s going.” He clenched his jaw once he was finished saying it, and stormed back over to the car. I heard Davey let out a horrible sounding scream when Justin bent through the open car door, and a moment later he was out again with Davey tucked under one of his arms.
“Justin!” I yelled, as Davey continued to scream his head off. “Your parenting skills aren’t helping right now!”
“I know what I’m doing!” He snapped at me, his anger taking over his rationalness. “He pulled this at the funeral.” He grunted it as he set Davey down on the ground.
Davey proceeded to throw himself down on the sidewalk, kicking, screaming, and pounding the ground with his fists.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”
“He’s not ready,” I murmured, as Justin stood there and watched Davey throw the tantrum in the middle of the sidewalk. “You know he’s not. He’s terrified.”
Justin simply shrugged. “He’s gotta learn to cope with shit.”
“He’s eight!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”
It was too much. Davey wouldn’t stop screaming and Justin and I weren’t going to agree on anything that morning. I decided to cave in then, just stand there and let Justin, the wise master of the universe, figure it out.
“Come on.” Justin grunted again, and pulled on Davey’s arm, trying to force him to stand up. Amazingly enough, he managed to do it, and got Davey as far as the inside doorway of Dalton before the kid pulled one of those things that most small children pull when they dont’ want to do something...jello legs. The kid literally slid right back down onto the floor.
I thought Justin was going to throw him into the next century. I could see his mind working as he stared at his kid brother, and I knew I needed to step in before Justin lost the rest of his temper inside of a building full of children. “Davey.” I crouched down next to him, trying to say it loud enough where he would be able to hear me over his screaming and fist pounding. “Davey...come on, Justin and I will go into the class with you. You won’t be alone, okay? Don’t you want to make new friends?”
“I d-d-don’t wanna goooooooo,” he wailed. “I d-don’t li-like it h-here.”
I glanced back up at Justin. “Convinced yet?”
Justin crossed his arms and glared at me. “No.”
I let out a disgruntled sigh, and decided to try again. “Davey, please...just try it, for me. Be a big boy and try.”
“I want momma,” he whimpered, finally curling up into my lap instead of pounding the ground.
I sighed heavily and ran my hand through his silky brown hair. “Davey....you know, you can’t stay home with me and Francine forever. You have to be a big boy and go to school like Austin.”
“Get up,” Justin barked at him. “Now, Davey.”
“Justin, shut up!” I snapped at him. “You’re not helping.”
Justin threw his hands up in the air then, and stormed back towards the door. “Fine. You know what...I don’t even know why the hell I bothered to come. Obviously, nothing I do is ever the right thing. It’s better to treat the kid like a wimp for the rest of his life I guess. Figure out what you’re doing, Ab. I have to get to work.”
He stormed out and the door slammed behind him.
“Ms. Feldman. Is...is he okay?”
I looked over my shoulder, as Davey was still curled up in my lap, and discovered who I thought to be the second grade teacher standing before me. Her smile was welcoming. I was sure she knew the circumstances behind Davey’s tantrum that morning, and I had never been more embarrassed. “He’s a little...frightened.”
I could hear the Escalade’s horn honking outside and knew Justin was growing more impatient.
“Perhaps another day?”
She said it innocently but by the look on her face, I knew she wanted absolutely no part of handling Davey, Justin Timberlake’s brother or not. “Maybe.” I picked Davey up off the ground then, and rubbed his back a little bit, whispering to him gently that we were going home.
He calmed right down.
I walked out of the school and got back into the Escalade, belting Davey back into his seat before giving Quincy the go ahead to drive away. It was deathly quiet in the car for the longest time, apart from Davey’s whimpering. Justin was staring straight ahead, jaw clenched in frustration. I wasn’t even going to bother talking to him. I knew he would just tear my head off if I tried.
“What’s this other school?” He grunted about twenty minutes later.
I slowly looked over him, trying to suppress the grin that was dying to make its way across my face. “It’s called Brimwood.”
He let out a very long, frustrated sigh next. “He’s not a stupid kid,” Justin croaked.
“Nobody is saying he is,” I whispered. “Justin...he...his parents were killed in front of him...he needs extra attention...”
“I know what happened,” he gritted. “They were my parents too.”
I just shook my head sadly. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.”
It took me a few minutes to look at him again, and when I did, I saw the tears on his face. He was crying openly right in front of me, and wasn’t trying to hide it. “Justin...”
“I worry about him,” he croaked. “I worry that he won’t be able to hold his head high when he gets older. It’s...it’s not so bad with Austin. He’s like me, he can handle himself fine. But Davey is different. I don’t...I don’t know what to do, Abbey. I don’t want to just...shove him in some special school, and not give him a chance to be with regular kids.”
I knew how hard it was for him to come out and express his feelings about his brother like that. He never did anything like that. It was hard enough getting him to bond with the boys, let alone get him to talk to me about how he really felt about everything. I took his hand then, and gave it a firm squeeze. “Justin, I...I know it’s hard, accepting what kind of kid Davey is right now. But you know what’s best for him, even if you hate what the best thing is.”
He nodded slightly. “I just don’t want him to resent me for it.”
“You stopped your life and took them here to live with you, without a question,” I told him. “You’re giving them the type of life that most people only dream of. Neither of them will ever resent you for it, and if you give Brimwood a chance, I know that Davey will get better. Hopefully he’ll be able to attend Dalton when he’s ready for middle school.”
He laced his fingers through mine then, and gave me a tight smile. “I’m sorry.”
I leaned over and gave him a soft kiss. “I understand.”
Davey is starting at Brimwood December first. His teacher is wonderful, very patient and understanding. Davey took to her right away when we took him to the walkthrough. Justin even had a small meeting with her and was able to understand the place a little better. He loves the school and all it has to offer for Davey. I think now, for the first time, he has more hope for his brother’s recovery than ever.
I know Davey is going to be okay.
I feel the plane begin to get lower as we make our decent over Colorado this morning. I glance out the window as best as I can, since Austin is peering out and covering almost half of the space. I let Justin have this flight time to himself to finish up some last minute business on his lap top. He’s sitting in the row across from us while I have Austin on my left and Davey on the aisle. Both boys are squeezing my hands now. They can feel the plane dropping. I know they dislike flying.
“Are we almost there?” Austin whispers.
“Yes.” I peck him on the cheek and he gives me slight glare, as if he’s too old for it. “It’ll be over soon. Why don’t you put your things away, and put your coat on?”
“I...I want to wait until we land.”
I snicker a little. He’s too afraid to let go of my hand right now, and it’s cute, but I won’t point it out to him. His ego would be crushed, and it’s a holiday. I can’t do that to the kid, so I sit silently as the captain makes the announcement to prepare for landing, making sure that both the boys have their seatbelts on. I glance across the aisle at Justin. He’s closing his laptop and letting out what seems to be a relieved sigh. “You all set there, tonto?”
He flashes me a tired smile. “No more work until we get back. I swear, babe.”
I’m able to land back in my home state with a reassured feeling. A feeling that tells me Justin cares, that he’s ready to have a great week with me and the boys, and he doesn’t mind meeting my family either.
I really hope I’m right, and that this isn’t just the calm before the storm.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Really sorry for the delay. I just couldn't seem to sit down and write until recently. Hope you are still reading and enjoying :)
Story Tags: triangles justinandtrace executivej
