I don’t think I’ve ever been so terrified in my life.  When Austin fell, I didn’t feel like the “little boy I lived with” was in danger.  I felt like he was my own flesh and blood.  I wanted to do what Justin did, jump down there and make sure he was okay.

But one of us had to keep their head.

Justin is crazy in his own way.  Anybody who knows him really well would probably agree.  Today topped it all, though.  I never expected him to jump out of a ski lift after his brother.  I don’t know what he was thinking about.  He could have gotten hurt even worse than Austin did.  At the same time, I don’t think Justin cared.  He was only looking out for the well being of his brother.  Nothing else mattered to him.

If that doesn’t prove to the world that Justin Timberlake has a big heart, I don’t know what else will.

Despite his protesting, Austin’s doctor forced Justin to get x-rays taken due to his ten foot fall from the ski lift.  Justin muttered the whole time he was taken to xray, about how he was fine and that they needed to be worrying about Austin.  The doctor informed him there was plenty of staff willing and able to look after the both of them.  I was asked to go back to the waiting room as Justin was led through the x-ray room doors, and I prayed that he would turn out just fine.  The fact that he was limping and wincing in pain wasn’t too promising though.  

“Mrs. Timberlake?”
My head snaps up and I give the doctor a wide eyed stare, being able to feel my cheeks burning due to the mix up.  “Oh we...I mean, I’m just his girlfriend.”

“My mistake,” he laughs.  “You two just seem like quite the couple.  Justin hasn’t stopped asking when he can see you.”

It makes me blush harder.  “You can just call me Abbey,” I squeak.

He nods.  “Justin will be fine.  He has a slight bruising of the ribs, but other than that there’s no permanent damage done.  I’ve prescribed some pain killers.  He should probably just take it easy the rest of your trip.  I wouldn’t suggested going out on the slopes.”

I suck in a breath and nod.  “What about Austin?”

“Well, he’s lucky.  He has a broken left arm and some contusions on his face, but the height of that fall should have done a lot more damage considering his age.  He’ll have a cast on for about two months, but other than that he should be just fine,” he smiles.  “We’ve sedated him and he’ll be here overnight, but Justin is free to go anytime.”

“Thank you.”  I’m silently thanking God for the miracle as I shake the doctors hand, trying my best to be strong instead of the hysterical mess I’ve been most of the afternoon.

“Anytime, ma’am.  Say, your boyfriend wouldn’t happen to be that big Wall Street mogul everybody talks about, would he?”

He makes me laugh a little bit.  It’s strange to me, Justin being recognized outside of Manhattan.  I never realize just how far his work stretches across the nation.  It makes me wonder what the hell my family is going to say when they meet him.

As it is, they have no idea I’m bringing him with me.

“That’s him,” I say softly.  

“I see some story about him all the time on CNN,” the doctor chuckles again.  “He’s so young.  Must be a brilliant guy.”

I just shrug.  I mean, I don’t see Justin like most people do.  To mean, he’s not some brilliant Wall Street genius.  He’s Justin.  The sometimes arrogant, sometimes cocky, mostly adorable man I’ve fallen in love with.  “I guess so,” I chuckle.  “Can I see my genius now?”

“Certainly,” the doctor laughs, obviously getting the hint that it’s been a long day for the both of us.  He leads the way down the hall and allows me entry into the room that Justin was brought to after he was x-rayed.  I quickly walk inside, smiling slightly, not being able to help the tears that seep out of my eyes when I see him laying in the hospital bed smiling back at me.

“They say I may lose a limb,” he says, trying to hide that smile of his.

I roll my eyes and practically collapse onto the bed with him.  “You’re a bad liar.”

He pulls me down to lean against him, and I draw my legs up so I can curl right into his body.  I feel him kiss the top of my head and I rub his chest gently.  “The doctor said Austin will be okay.”

“Yeah,” he says gently.  “Broken arm.  Poor kid.”

“Thank God that’s all it was,” I sigh.  

“Mm.”  He hums it and lets out a long breath.

I know he’s trying not to think about it.  It’s freaked him out, and I can understand.

“How’s Davey?” Justin asks after a while as he runs his fingers through my hair.

“Mostly oblivious I think,” I say gently.  “A nurse brought him into the playroom.  He asked where Austin was, but I just told him he was asleep.”

“That’s good.  He doesn’t need anymore stress right now.”

I agree with him, and we continue to lay together for a few minutes, silent, just taking everything in.  “You know,” I speak up with a slight smile.  “When the doctor came to get me before, he called me Mrs. Timberlake.”

Justin chuckles softly.  “Serious?”

“Yeah.”

I’m waiting to hear what he says.  Not that I can see myself getting married anytime soon but...Justin has been so different lately.  He’s been a lot more focused on us I guess, and if he’s willing, I’d love to know what his real opinion on marriage is.

“I’ve never really thought about it.”

I move my head slightly so I can look up at him.  “What? Marriage?”

“Yeah...it’s just something that I’ve sort of avoided.  I don’t want to lie to you, Abbey.  I mean, it’s a crazy thought, spending the rest of your life with one person.”

I scoff a little bit, and look back at his chest again.  “It’s not that crazy.  If you love somebody, really love them, you should get married.”

He shrugs a little bit.  “What if you’re happy with the way your life is? Why change it?”

“Every relationship needs to progress,” I explain.  “It’s just another part of life.”

He rubs my arm a little bit and kisses me on the top of the head once more before pushing on me a little so we can both sit up.  “I don’t know how I feel about marriage,” he tells me softly, putting a hand to my cheek and rubbing his thumb across it.  “But if...if it did happen to me one day, I can’t see myself...without...you, you know?”

I can tell how much it took for him to say that, but I don’t want to get jumpy or overly excited about his comment.  I mean, he just said he doesn’t know how he feels about it.  He just sees himself with me.  I guess that’s good.  I mean, it got me to smile just now, and I know that’s probably the best explanation he’s going to give me about the subject  on a day like to day...

Or anytime in the near future.

I cringe at the prospect of my parents asking him about it.

“And now it’s time for awkward silence,” I hear him laugh.

I turn back to him and nudge him a little.  “It’s not awkward.”

“Well, you didn’t say anything.”

He’s grinning mischievously and it causes me to groan and roll my eyes.  “Are you ready to go?  I think those pain killers they gave you might be going to your head a little bit.”

“It’s not so much the pain killers.  I keep thinking about that hot tub and the babysitter you promised to get.”

He laughs as he starts kissing my neck, and this isn’t the best time for Justin and I to play doctor, even if we are in a hospital.  “I think any chance of you and me in a hot tub went out the window this afternoon.”

“Come on,” he breathes into me and laughs.  “We have one kid out of the house for the night...just need to do something with the other one.”

“Justin.”

“It’s just tonight.  You know you want to go in the hot tub with me and I have to admit, it would be very wrong of us to subject my little baby brother to our sexual escapade,” he whispers and bites my neck a little.  “Abeee,” he coos.  “I know you brought that two piece get up with you for a reason.”

How did he see that? I swear, I made it a point to hide it from him.  “I hate you.”

God, it’s a terrible thing that I’m horny.  My poor Austin is laid up in a hospital bed, and I’m sure Davey is very confused even if he is oblivious.  If I give into temptation I’m sure I’ll go straight to hell one day.  

“But the doctor said I can’t go boarding now,” he says, feigning misery.  “What am I supposed to do with myself?”

“Read a book?” I shrug.

I laugh as he roughly pulls me back to him and slams his lips into mine.  It’s not a gentle kiss.  He’s biting my lip and shoving his tongue in my mouth.  He’s trying to show me what I’m missing out on.  We haven’t been this wild in quite some time.  

But it’s so wrong though.

“We can’t do this here...”

He doesn’t stop.

“We can’t do this here!” I push him away gently, trying my best not to laugh.  “Justin!”

“Come on, call the babysitter,” he pushes me.  “You know you want to.”

I sigh.  I know the offer is still open.  Yesterday I ran into somebody I used to go skiing with when Braeden was still alive.  She was excited to see me, told me about how she got married a few years ago, has a four year old.  I told her I was up here with my boyfriend and his brothers.  Her response?

“Kids? Have you had a night to yourselves yet?”

I told her that we hadn’t and the crazy thing was, she offered to take the boys overnight if I wanted.

It was like fate was telling me that I owed it to myself to have a wild night of hot tub sex with Justin.  

And I guess fate still is.

“Fine, when we get back to the cabin.”

He just smiles.  I know I’ve made his day that much better.

And I guess mine too.

I help Justin get out of the bed, and we walk down the hall to check in on Austin before we leave.  He’s still asleep.  Justin gives him a small kiss on the forehead and I give him one on the cheek before checking to make sure his pillows are nice and fluffy and he’s tucked in the way he likes to be.  I whisper in his ear that we’ll be back in the morning, and he sort of mumbles incomprehensibly in his sleep.

“He’ll be okay, Ab,” Justin reassures me from the doorway with a little smile.  

I just nod, try to contain my emotions as I take Justin’s hand.  We find Davey in the playroom, and it takes several minutes for him to leave behind some toy he discovered before we can go on our way.  Justin arranged a limousine somehow, and it’s waiting for us as we walk out of the hospital.  We get in, and once Davey is buckled into his seat, Justin drapes his arm around me and I immediately relax all over again as we head back to our cabin.

He has this way of making me feel completely safe, no matter what type of situation we’re in.  The fact that he had our ride back ready and waiting for us make me love him even more.  He’s ready to take care of me and the boys without a question.

I don’t know if I’m jumping the gun, but at the moment I can’t see spending my life with anybody else.  Ever.

I get Davey changed and settled in with some cartoons when we get back to the cabin, and Justin situates himself on the couch with some pillows to watch along with him, not hesitating to remind me to call my “friend,” whenever he can.  I laugh at him and tell him I’m calling in the other room so he can’t shout out obscene remarks in the background.

“Me?” He points to his chest innocently.  “Never.”

I roll my eyes and go to make the call.

“Hi Faun,” I smile brightly when she picks up on the other end.  “It’s Abbey Feldman.”

“Oh Abbey! Hi! I was wondering if you were going to call.  I have a bunch of little ones at our cabin tonight and it would be perfect for Braeden’s brothers.  Just bring them by whenever your ready.”

I almost drop the phone.  I wasn’t expecting that, but why would she think any differently?  It’s not exactly world wide news that Braeden disappeared.  I can’t be angry with her.

But I need to sit down.

“Oh...yeah,” I continue, my voice trembling slightly.  “I was going to drop one of the boys off, Davey, he’s nine.  He won’t be any trouble I’m...I’m sure.”

“That’s perfectly fine.  Bring Braeden along for the ride if you can! I’d love to say hello!”

Now I just feel sick, and I know I need to toughen up and get over it, just tell her the truth before something else awkward happens.  “Um, Faun,” I say after a moment.

“Hmm?”

“Braeden...um...” I trail off and rub my face a little.  “Braeden...something happened to him about six years ago.  He...he went to Afghanistan and he never came back.”

There’s a long pause.

“Oh...Abbey.  Abbey, I’m sorry,” she finally says.  “I...I had no idea.”

“It’s not your fault,” I say, trying to keep the despair out of my voice.  “You couldn’t have known.  It’s been a long time.”

“So you’re with somebody new?” She says it quickly, obviously trying to change the subject.  

“Yes.”

“Well...bring him along for the ride then.”  She laughs but it’s forced.  “I’ll see you soon.”

She hangs up before I can say anything else.

I don’t know what to think except I don’t want to see her and I definitely don’t want to leave Davey with her.

Justin is going to be disappointed, but that’s not my issue right now.

My issue is getting Braeden out of my head.  God, just when I thought I was getting past it...

“So is it all set?”

I look up at Justin.  He’s standing in the door way with the same playful smirk he’s had on his face all afternoon.  I wish I could play along with him but, god, that really fucked me up.  It shouldn’t have.  I should have been able to take that and let it roll off my shoulders.

I guess it’s because of how abruptly she hung up on me.  It was like she was signaling me that while I could still drop Davey off, she’d be a lot more comfortable if I never spoke to her again.

“No,” I murmur and force myself to stand up.  “She can’t do it after all.”

“Bitch,” he groans.  “That just sucks.”

I just shrug.  “Davey shouldn’t be with strangers anyway.”

“Well we can figure it out,” he says, gently gripping my arm as I try to walk out of the room and away from him.  “He’s a pretty sound sleeper.”

“Yeah.”

I push past him.

“Ab.”

I ignore him and don’t stop walking until I’m out on the porch.  I take a few long, even breaths, just so I won’t hyperventilate.

“You know, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

It’s not Justin, and when I look up, I almost scream, but stop myself.

It’s him...well...I mean, it can’t be him.

But it is him.

“Braeden?”  I whimper.

“Come on.”  He sits down on the log porch swing and pats the empty space beside him.  “Come talk to me.”

I shake my head.  “You’re...you’re not really there.”

He shrugs.  “Do you want to talk to me or not?”

I look back over my shoulder.  Justin hasn’t followed me outside, and when I peer through the window I can see him laying on the couch again, Davey curled up against his chest.  I think he knows his plans with me today have just about fallen through, and he’s accepted it.  

I can’t wait for the conversation that will take place between us later on.

“Babs.”

I look back at him.  He’s still there, waiting for me to join him.

It’s crazy, but I do it.

“Look,” Braeden sighs and rubs his thighs with his hands.  “You know I’m gone.  I’ve been gone for a long time.”

I look down at my lap and bite my lip.  “I miss you,” I whisper.

“I miss you too.  But you can’t dwell on us anymore.  It’s just...it’s wearing you down.  Look at you, you started over.  That’s great.  Don’t jeopardize what you have with him because of me.”

“What...what happened to you? Where are you?” I ask him desperately.

He’s quiet for a while.  “I don’t know.”

I shake my head roughly.  “I don’t want to leave you behind, Bray.”

“You’re not leaving me behind.  I’ll be okay.”

His hand is on top of mine, and for a moment I feel it, and think he’s really there.  I look up and into his eyes.  He’s smiling brightly at me.  “Braeden!”

I reach out for him.

And then he’s gone.

That hasn’t happened to me in years.

I whimper and then I’m crying into my hands, so hard.  I don’t know what to think.  It’s the littlest things that set me off about him, and now that I’m home I guess everything that reminds me of Braeden is taking over me, forcing me to realize that he’s gone without any sort of explanation.  

What if he’s out there? Alive? What if he’s just lost or hurt or being held prisoner?  What if he’s trying to find his way back home somehow?  

What if I shouldn’t have started my life over again?  What if I’m supposed to wait for him?

“Hey.”

I force myself to stop crying, and look back over my shoulder.  Justin is standing on the porch, looking at me like he doesn’t know what to do.  “Oh...”  I trail off and wipe at my eyes harshly.  “Hey.”

“Everything okay?”

He slowly approaches me and takes a seat where Braeden was sitting moments ago.

I shrug a little.  “I think it’s just been a long day, that’s all.”

“You’re probably right.”  He chuckles softy and gently pulls me down so I can rest against his shoulder.  “Austin falls out of the ski lift and then the babysitter cancels our hot tub date.  I think it’s been a day filled with bad luck all around,” he chuckles and I find that I’m able to laugh a little bit.

This man loves me and I know I love him.

That should be enough.  I want to forget about Braeden, desperately.

Something just won’t allow me to do it.  Every time I think I’m doing well, that he’s out of the picture, something is said, or something happens to make me remember why I loved him so much in the first place.

It’s just not fair.  It’s not fair to me and it’s certainly not fair to Justin.

“We’ll make the best of it,” he nods and kisses me gently.  “No more tears.”

I nod a little.  He has no idea why I was really crying, but telling him, I know, would make him feel awkward and out of place, so I’ll keep my mouth shut.  “Sorry.”

He shakes his head.   “Don’t be.”

We sit together like that for a while, and soon the sky begins to turn orange and purple and pink.  The sun is setting, night is falling, and the chill in the air is getting worse.  I shiver a little, and Justin tells me we should go inside.  I take his hand and we head into the house, where we find Davey asleep in the middle of the floor.

“Long day for him,” I laugh.

Justin nods a little bit and smirks at me.  “Looks like he’s out cold.”

We carry him to his bedroom, and change him into his pajamas before I tuck him in and kiss him goodnight.  Justin kisses him goodnight as well, and then we are finally awake and alone together.

“What do you say Mrs. Timberlake,” Justin jokes as we head back into the living room.  “I don’t think Davey will notice if we take a quick dip, do you?”

I have to laugh.  “I guess it’s fine as long as we keep our clothes on.”

“That might be a problem,” he tells me with a fake tone of remorse.  “But I can try.”

r32;“Justin!” I laugh out loud as he grabs my hand and drags me through the house and into the master suite where the hot tub is.  “Justin...” I trail off when he immediately starts to strip off his clothes.  “I thought we agreed...”

“Fuck what we agreed on.”

He storms up to me, seemingly determined to ignore the rules, and starts kissing me wildly and stripping off my clothes.  A good part of me is ready to tell him no, that we have a kid in the house...

But god damn, I’m such an emotional mess tonight that I’d be lying if I said I didn’t need Justin to do this right now.

Soon we’re both naked and in the hot, soothing water together.  Justin kisses me and touches me in all the right places, props me up against the wall eventually and expertly makes love to me in the water.  It’s incredible, like no sexual encounter I’ve ever experienced before.  It makes me forget why I was upset, forget about Braeden.  All I think about is Justin, how much I love him, how good he’s making me feel.  When I reach my climax, it takes everything in me not to cry out in joyus rapture, for fear of traumatizing the child a few bedrooms down.  Instead I pull him to me and kiss him hard, moaning into him at the same time.  Then it ends, and he sits back against the wall of the tub, pulling me into him so I can relax finally.  

“Wasn’t so bad huh?” He pants.  “No harm done.”

I look up at him and flash him a tired smile.  “No,” I breathe out.  “I think it was just what I needed.”