Christmas was always a special time for me and my sister when we were growing up. Brighton is a festive community. They would set up a little Christmas village downtown, with it’s own Santa for the kids to visit and a big tree that would get lit up a couple of weeks before the holiday took place. My Dad would always get that excited gleam in his eyes after the first of November, and we both knew we’d be able to twist his emotions in our favor more than any other time of the year. Years passed, Braeden moved to town, and my life changed again. Our families became fast friends, eventually merging their own family holiday celebration with ours. The parties stretched from the day before Christmas eve right up until New Years day. Somewhere, hidden in the depths of my closet back home, is the photo album filled with pictures from all of those holiday parties. Pictures I cherished before Braeden was gone, and buried when I left for New York City.
In fact, I’ve barely celebrated the holiday since I came out here. Charlene and I would usually order Chinese and call our families, set up a rinky dink tree in the corner of the living room, but that was the extent of it.
This is the first year Thanksgiving and Christmas have paid a significant part in my life since Braeden’s disappearance. I never thought I’d be able to enjoy this time of year again with such ease...but I have. Justin, he’s made it so easy for me. Well, Justin and the boys. They’ve taken my mind off of the past, forced me to focus on them and the excitement of the city during the busy holiday. I know it’s been different for Justin too. I doubt he’s had much of a reason to celebrate a holiday in a very long time. In fact, he wasn’t even considering putting up a tree until I mentioned it to him.
“A tree?” He snickered a little bit. “There’s one in Rockerfeller Center.”
“Really?” I rolled my eyes.
“I’ve never had a tree,” he shrugged. “They just get tossed anyway.”
“What about the boys?” I nudged him and smiled a little. “Don’t you think they want one? They were asking me about it.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Justin.” I narrowed my eyes at him. I think that said it all.
“Sure, we’ll get one if you want,” he said automatically, giving me a kiss on the mouth to seal the deal.
Putting that ring on my finger really changed him. Not that he hasn’t changed since I met him. He’s changed a hell of a lot, but that ring...it’s made him so much more weary of how he acts, what we talk about, and the things I desire. I’m not needy by any means, but lately, if I let him know about something we need, or that the boys have asked for, he’s gotten it taken care of right then and there. I know I’m his family now. It’s not just about being his girlfriend anymore. I won’t label it and I won’t sit around hoping he’ll ask me to marry him in six months. Justin isn’t about that...at least not yet, and what we have right now is enough to satisfy me for the long run.
Meaning, if he never marries me, I guess I can live with that.
I can live with that because I know I’m the only woman he wants in his life.
The tree was delivered the very next day. I quickly realized that Justin had no Christmas decorations whatsoever in his house either, and so, after picking the boys up from school, I had Quincy drive us to Macys, to stock up on ornaments and other home decor items. The boys are little sticklers for detail, I realized. They like things to be ornate and pretty, like Justin does. It was cute, they way they debated over the different tree ornaments and mantle decorations. We spent five hours there, with two personal shoppers, before I was finally satisfied with the choices we made. I had completely lost track of the time I guess, because when we walked in the door, Justin was already home, eating some food Lucinda had made for him.
“You guys went shopping?” He smiled, before getting up and coming over to the door to take the bags out of my arms. “What’d you buy me?” He smiled and kissed me quickly before placing the bags down on sofa.
“We bought Christmas stuff!” Austin exclaimed as he threw his jacket off and started to run towards his bedroom.
“Austin Michael!” I called after him.
He skidded to a stop, remembering himself. “Sorry.” He walked over and picked his jacket up off the floor.
“Thank you,” I smirked at him, before letting him go on his way. Davey followed suit, and I turned my attention to Justin, who was rifling through the bags he’d placed on the sofa.
“You sure went all out,” he laughed, as he pulled out a box full of glass Christmas balls. “I could have just hired somebody to do this for you, baby.”
“But it’s tradition,” I told him, as I walked over to where he stood. “You’re supposed to decorate the tree with your family.”
He studied the ornaments for a moment. “I dunno. I never did that.”
“Never?” I scoffed.
He placed the ornaments back in the bag. “We didn’t have a tree,” he confessed. “We didn’t have much of a Christmas, actually. I’m not sure about the boys. I guess they did at some point after I left. They wouldn’t have asked you about it otherwise.”
It was another tender spot inside of him. He had no real connection with Christmas. In a way, it was like he was about to experience his very first one, and he had no idea what you were supposed to do besides buy material things for your loved ones. I reached out and squeezed his hand gently. “Well then I guess I got lucky. I get to introduce you to a new experience for once. I promise, it’s not as scary as it seems.”
He laughed a little bit, before drawing me close and running his hands through my hair. “I like a challenge,” he smirked. “Especially when it’s with you.”
Justin, myself, and the boys decorated the tree after dinner. Since Justin has a slight OCD issue, it took longer than anticipated. Everything had to be color coordinated, and level. It meant the boys couldn’t run wild and put ornaments everywhere they wanted to, which frustrated Davey more than anyone else. He whined and pouted when Justin would step in and fix something he did, so eventually I found myself sitting on the couch with him on my lap, watching Austin and Justin finish the job together. I didn’t get angry. It would have been silly. I think it taught me a lot about Justin’s thought process though, and how Austin was exactly like him. He too had grown impatient with Davey’s disorderly decorating skills. I think OCD might be a running trait in their family. Nevertheless, it was something we all got to experience together, as a family, no matter how hands on some of us were with the project. When it was complete, I couldn’t deny that it was one of the nicest trees I’d seen in years.
It was so nice, in fact, that I persuaded Justin to hire a photographer to come in that weekend so we could take a picture in front of it with the boys. Surprisingly, he liked the idea. He said he could use a holiday picture for his office, and I for one was ecstatic. We had so many Christmas cards coming in from the families that we associated with, I knew it would be nice to send out some of our own. We had the photo shoot that weekend, and the pictures came back two days later. There was one in particular that the photographer had Justin and I take by ourselves in front of the mantle. That one and the picture of the four of us in front of the tree are my two favorites, and Justin agreed to put both of them in his office come the new year.
I framed my copies, and keep them on the nightstand by my side of the bed. Before this, Justin and I hadn’t taken any pictures together as a couple. Late at night, after he’s fallen asleep, I lie awake gazing at the picture of the two of us. We look refreshed and happy, like we’ve started a wonderful new life together. I’ve only cherished one other picture like that one...
It’s sitting on top of my parents entertainment center. I must have passed it a hundred times while we were at the house, but I only picked it up once. Really, I was surprised they still had it at all. It was taken of Braeden and I during a trip to Virginia Beach, just a year before he disappeared. It was our very best picture. One that I never would have received if Braeden hadn’t discovered the undeveloped roll in his duffle bag, once he’d been deployed the following year.
That picture, along with the note he wrote me to go with it, were the last things I ever got from him. I wanted to take it with me before I left, I would have too, except...if Justin found it, I was sure it would have made things awkward. I didn’t want to do that to him. I didn’t want him to think I was still so stuck on Braeden that we couldn’t move forward. Leaving it behind was the right choice, I know that now, because of the ring and because of how Justin is with me. Leaving it behind...meant leaving Braeden behind forever, and I did that without guilt.
I did it, and I realize it’s what he would have wanted. I hope that he knows how my life has turned out, that he’s looking down on me and can finally be at peace knowing that I’m in love, that I’m happy, and that I’ll always be taken care of.
The following week was the last one before Christmas, and I found myself thrust into the busy hustle and bustle of the retail world as I tried to fill the Christmas lists given to me by the boys. Naturally, Austin wanted a gun, and not just any gun. He wanted an actual hunting rifle, which I was completely against. Justin on the other hand, didn’t see a problem with it. “He’s old enough. He knows how to be careful,” was his response.
“He’s not getting a gun,” I muttered to him, as I began to survey the rest of Austin’s Christmas demands.
“All boys his age down south have one,” Justin explained. “It’s just...the culture, Abbey. I’ll make sure he’s careful with it.”
“Then he’ll shoot Davey in the eye or something,” I snapped. “Or worse!”
“He won’t use it unless I’m around,” he nodded and caressed my face a little. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep it locked away if it worries you that much. He won’t get to it that way.”
I sighed.
“C’mon Ab,” he whispered and gave me a gentle kiss. “If anything, it’ll give us the chance to spend more time together.”
He killed me. Absolutely killed me. I couldn’t say no after that. It would have been fucked up. “You suck,” I muttered. “The first time he gets hurt, or almost gets hurt...I swear...”
“I know, it’s done,” he laughed.
“And Davey isn’t allowed near it.”
“No, of course not.”
He was grinning.
“You’re going to buy it,” I pouted. “I’m not setting foot near a gun store.”
“I have it under control,” he reassured me. “I’ll take care of it.”
I just grunted at him, and neither of us brought the subject up after that.
The kids requests were surprisingly simple, other than the gun thing. Their lists were filled with games and toys that most of the stores had in stock. Shopping, shockingly enough, was easy. My friends looked on as I shopped, in envy. I knew their lists were complied of toys that were so high in demand, they should have been bought months beforehand. I guess that’s the price you pay for having spoiled kids. Austin and Davey, while they could be demanding, weren’t greedy. They asked for simple stuff, and although I was grateful, I was also sure Christmas wouldn’t be as simple the following year. They would have a whole year to get used to living a privileged lifestyle, and would know they could get whatever they wanted, within reason.
It’s scary for me to think of the types of kids they’ll be in a year. Between Justin and I, I’m praying we can keep them as grounded as they are right now. Something tells me that’s going to be hard though, when there is so much in the world to influence them every single day.
I spent most of Christmas eve morning packing our bags for Paris. I have to admit, while the thought of going overseas was exciting, I’d had little time to think about it, or hell, even research it. I was sure Justin knew what he was doing, and that he’d been there enough to know what to do when we got there, but I’d always been a planner and it felt weird going into the vacation blind. But between the entertaining the boys, shopping, and packing, there simply hadn’t been time. I had little butterflies in my stomach, the anticipation of being completely alone with Justin for a week overwhelming me slightly. I wanted it. I wanted it badly. It would show us so much more about each other, bring out things about each other that we had yet to discover. At the same time though, I was nervous something would go wrong. That Justin would find out something about me that annoyed him...that he wouldn’t love me as much. I was probably being ridiculous, but I couldn’t be completely reassured until we were in Paris, alone together.
Justin invited Dennis, his wife Trisha, and their two children to join us for Christmas eve dinner. Since Austin and Davey had never met their children before, we decided it was a good a time as any since the boys would be spending the week there. They have one girl around Davey’s age and a fourteen year old boy. He’s slightly taller than Austin, but even tempered, and they seemed to have a lot in common when it came to the latest video games. As we four adults enjoyed the dinner Lucinda prepared, I began to feel a little less concerned that the boys would feel we were abandoning them. The kids seemed comfortable around each other, so I slowly began to put them to the back of my mind. I drank my wine, laughed along with Justin at the stories Dennis and Trisha shared about their own lives. They’re nice people. Justin told me that he’d just put Dennis in Trace’s old position, and I was glad. He was a lot more respectful than Trace ever was, and didn’t seem so...cold I guess. He was just trying to take care of his family, like Justin was trying to take care of me and the boys, and I knew their business venture was going to work out.
It meant I was going to start hearing a lot less about the office from Justin, and I for one, couldn’t have been happier. The less stress he brought home from that place, the better it was for all of us.
The boys went to bed shortly after Dennis and his family left for the evening, and Justin and I took the opportunity to have a final glass of wine on the sofa together after putting the boys’ gifts underneath the tree. I’d only gotten Justin one thing, because it was next to impossible to figure out what to buy a guy who had everything already. Still, I felt it was something he would enjoy, and while I had been fully intent on giving it to him the next morning, something about that moment told me the time was right. I put my wine glass down and kissed him quickly before telling him I would be right back. I retrieved the gift from it’s place high on a closet shelf and hurried back beside him before he could get curious.
“Merry Christmas.” I placed it on his lap and smiled at him.
He took another sip of his wine before putting the glass down and smiling at me a little as he lifted the box up. “What’s this?”
“You’re supposed to open it,” I chuckled. “That’s the point.”
He smirked and shook his head. “You shouldn’t have gotten me anything, Ab,” he said, as he tore into the wrapping paper.
“It’s Christmas. Get over it.”
He rolled his eyes a little as he finished clearing the wrapping away, and as he studied the gift, I saw his eyes get big and his little smirk grow into a wide smile. “The Warrenburg Art Club!” He exclaimed. “I thought...I thought they...”
“They did,” I nodded.
“But how did you get this, and platinum status too?” He looked back down at the packet in his hands. “They said the list was closed! I missed the registration deadline by three weeks.”
“I asked around,” I told him as I reached up and ran my hand through his short curls. “I got a few numbers and figured, what the hell? I’ll try.”
He looked back up at me after another few minutes of staring at the booklet in his hands, like it was a piece of gold. Really, I knew he’d go nuts. It took me forever to think of something art related that he either didn’t have, or would be interested in. I got so desperate, in fact, that I ended up calling Cheryl one day to ask her advice. She told me that there weren’t many things that Justin wanted, but there was one art club he’d been trying to get into, that he always missed the boat on. What they do, is send a different piece of registered museum art to display in your home each month of the year. They’ve been known to send everything from Picasso, to Da Vinci, and the client list is very exclusive. Apparently, people wait years to get on it, and even then, it’s only a select few that get placed on the platinum list. I guess it’s understandable, with the risk of things getting destroyed.
But it only took me about thirty phone calls and a whole bunch of sweet talking to get my way. Platinum and all. I was proud of myself.
“This is so great,” he said, like a little kid. “I’ll have to clear a place...Ab...” He turned to me and smiled, pulling me towards him so he could plant a long, sensual kiss on my lips. “You did this? I mean...it’s the Warrenburg...”
“I know, it’s the Warrenburg Art Club,” I cackled. “Are you going to have a cardiac?”
He leaned back against the sofa, and pulled me down to rest against his chest. “I might. No woman has ever bought me art.”
“Does that turn you on?”
“Absolutely.” He kissed me, and looked into my eyes for a long moment, before smiling again. “I can’t wait to get you out of here.”
And in all honesty, I couldn’t wait to get out of there with him.
Justin took me to bed that night, made love to me harder and stronger than he ever had. Things had escalated with us...again. It wasn’t the fact that I’d gotten him something special for Christmas, it was the fact that I knew what he wanted most without asking him, it was the fact that I knew him better than anybody else, and that he knew me.
We’re building this big, beautiful life together. A life that most people in relationships wish they could have. I don’t like to gloat but...I’m just so damn happy. I don’t think I could stop smiling if I tried. It makes me want to break down and cry sometimes, but I can’t because I hate being too sappy.
The boys dove into their pile of gifts the next morning. Justin and I only realized this when we heard their excited hoots and hollers echoing from downstairs, and after much moaning and groaning, we managed to stagger down to them in our bathrobes, barely awake from a night of wine and passion.
“Crazy City! Crazy City!” Austin waved his video game in the air as we took a seat on the sofa together. “I wanted this so bad!”
He tossed it somewhere behind him, and Justin and I laughed heartily together as he began to tear into the rest of the pile of gifts.
“Hey Austin,” Justin piped up as I helped Davey open another gift. “I think I see another gift for you over there behind the window curtain.”
I knew it was the gun, and I sucked in a breath, determined not to let my feelings about the subject shine through after such a great night.
“What is it?” He said, head cocked to the side, still holding two other games in his hands.
“Go look,” Justin chuckled, and draped his arm over my shoulders.
He slowly stood up, and gave us both a weird look as he crept over to the window, moving the curtain aside to reveal a long, slender box, wrapped it silver paper with a red bow. He picked it up, and turned back to us. “Is it...”
“Would you open it?” Justin laughed. “C’mon.”
He smiled brightly and tore the paper off, to reveal what it actually was. A Winchester hunting rifle. I was no expert on guns, but just the look of the box made told me it was an expensive gun.
“A Winchester!” He exclaimed. “Really!”
Justin smiled. “Yep. But there’s gonna be rules.”
“Okay!”
I knew he wasn’t paying attention to that part as he tore open the top of the box and pulled the gun out. “Austin,” I said. “Justin wants to explain some things about that...gun.” I eyed my boyfriend a little, hoping he would get the hint to keep talking.
“Right,” Justin blurted out. “You have to leave it with me, and you can’t use it unless I’m home and with you. I don’t want to hear that you’ve been trying to find it while I’m not here, either. Deal?”
r32;Austin held the gun in his hands, marveling at its beauty. I knew it was what he really wanted, and I was glad he was happy but...I still hated the fact that it could kill or severely injure someone. “Deal,” Austin nodded. “Thank you!”
He ran over to Justin and gave him the biggest hug I think he’d ever given him. I let them have their moment, and did my best to push the thought of the gun out of my head as I joined Davey in opening more presents. He went nuts when we opened up a Lego play set that he’d been begging us for since he saw it on TV earlier in the month. The boys had a great holiday, even if I didn’t agree with some of their gifts. It meant that I could go on vacation with the peace of mind that they wouldn’t hold our little separation against me for long. Quincy picked the four of us up later that afternoon, and we drove them to Dennis’ house before heading to the airport. Justin and I made them both promise to be good, and I promised each of them that I would be calling to check on them every day. I was thanking Dennis and Trish profusely, before Justin began to clear his throat and tug on my arm, telling me he wanted to go.
So I left, forcing myself not to look back at my little men as we made our way to the airport.
We landed in Paris early this morning. I was so tired that I let Justin do all the work after we got off the plane. The most I remember was getting into a car with him, and being helped up some stairs and into the most comfortable bed ever. My eyes fluttered open a little while ago, and for a moment I forgot where I was before I saw Justin beside me, flipping through his Warrenburg Art Club booklet. I smiled. He’s so dorky sometimes that it’s adorable. I’ve been lying here watching him for a good twenty minutes now, and he’s been so caught up in his art fetish that he hasn’t noticed me yet.
“Bonjour,” I say to him tiredly.
He looks over at me, placing the book down beside him as he smiles and slides down next to me, pulling me into his arms. “Bonjour sleepyhead,” he laughs.
“Where are we?”
“My apartment.”
I raise an eyebrow. “You’re just full of surprises.”
“Sometimes,” he laughs. “You feel like going out?”
I sit up a little bit and yawn as I stretch my arms out. “Yeah,” I finally say. “I’m starving.”
“Well, you’ve come to the right person.”
“Yes, I know. Your cheese class at Le Covine was riveting.”
“If you think that was exciting, wait until I teach you about crepes!”
“You really are a dork. I wish they knew that back home.”
“Then it wouldn’t be as fun,” he smirks as he pulls me down to him before I can get up. “I only want a select few to know about my dorkiness. I like to be intimidating when I can be.”
“There’s only room for one person to be intimidating in this relationship,” I laugh. “And that’s my job.”
“You got me.” He kisses me gently as he laughs. “I’m no match for you, Ab.”
We shower...together. It takes longer than it normally would for me to shower of course, because Justin insists on christening our trip to Paris right then and there. After, Justin gives me the grand tour of his apartment. It has the same touches of our place back in New York, and makes me start to miss it a little bit less. We spend the rest of the afternoon and part of the early evening taking in the surrounding area. It’s a quaint little part of Paris, away from a lot of the hot tourist spots that Justin tells me he’s taking me to tomorrow. We eat a light dinner at a little cafe near the apartment. Justin tells me it’s his favorite in all of Paris, and it shows, because they know him by name. He introduces me to his favorite flavored crepes as promised, some that I never would have dared to try on my own, while telling me some history about the area. I know how much he loves being here, and I also know how bored the boys would be.
I hate to say it, but I’m glad we came here without them.
“Tired yet?” He smiles as our plates are cleared.
He has that gleam in his eyes. The same one he had the night we went down to Little Italy. He’s planned something. “I guess I could hold up for a few more hours,” I say to him with a sly smile. “What are you up to?”
He chuckles. “C’mon.” He gets up and holds his hand out to me.
I eye him suspiciously, but take it anyway, and then we’re off. Justin hails a taxi that takes us someplace downtown after he rambles something off to the driver in French. I can see the Eiffel Tower in the distance. It’s beautiful, all lit up now that the sun is down. “Are we going there?” I say, sounding excited like Austin would if I told him we were going to Disney World.
“Tomorrow,” Justin nods, as he takes my hand in his. “Tonight it’ll be crowded.”
My shoulders sag. “Oh.”
“Don’t sound so disappointed,” he laughs. “I planned something else you’ll like more.”
The taxi pushes on, and Justin points out different things we pass along the way, all the while reassuring me that I’ll get to see them in more detail during the coming days. I try not to be disappointed. I guess I’m just anxious. I’ve never been to Europe, and there’s so much to see. So much that I just don’t see how we can cover everything in a week. I really need to calm down, and when I feel the car beginning to slow down, I finally start to grow curious about what Justin has planned for us tonight.
When I get out of the cab, I find that we’ve arrived at a dock. There are many boats and yachts docked here, but only one seems ready to set sail at the moment...the biggest yacht on the pier. Justin guides me forward and a smiling captain steps out of the ship and greets us brightly. “Are we going on that?” I whisper.
“Yeah. You and I seem to do well by the water,” he smiles and squeezes my hand a little, letting the captain lead the way onto the yacht.
We climb a flight of stairs and are led to an observation deck. A table has been set up for us with a bottle of wine and some pastry desserts. I take a seat when one of the chairs is pulled out for me, slightly baffled that Justin went to all this trouble our first night here.
“Surprised?” He asks, as he joins me at the table. “I thought you’d want to see the city at night. This boat will take us up and down the Seine. You’ll get to see all the monuments lit up...better than you saw them in the taxi.”
I smile, but I have to look down at the table. It’s all so much, what he does for me. I just...I feel like I don’t deserve all of this from him, because I can’t do the same kind of things for him in return. Not without spending his own money, and that’s pointless. “It’s wonderful,” I whisper.
“Hey.”
I look up at him, and take his hand when he reaches out for it.
“What’s the matter?”
The fear in his voice is more than apparent. He’s terrified that there’s something wrong. “Nothing...no...don’t worry,” I laugh a little and shake my head. “I guess I just...it’s a lot, the things you do for me, Justin.”
“I love you,” he states. “Why wouldn’t I do this for you?”
I shrug. “I dunno I just...”
“Abbey,” he laughs. “You deserve everything in the world. You deserve whatever money can buy, and then some. Don’t you get that?”
I hear the bottle of wine being opened, and then it’s poured into our glasses. The waiter smiles at us, and points to a room off the deck that he’ll be stationed at in case we need him. I quickly take a long sip of my wine once he’s gone, because I don’t know what else to say to Justin. I don’t really think he’s right. I don’t think I deserve the world. “I don’t think I’m worth all of that.”
“You saved my life,” he says after a long moment.
I just stare at him.
“Abbey, I was in such a bad place.” He looks down at my hand and rubs his thumb across the top of it. “I didn’t have a personality. I was this mindless financial robot who didn’t care about anything. I didn’t know what I was missing out on in the real world, you know? You got to me. You...bring out this side of me, the side that wants to have a life outside of the office, love a woman, and teach my brothers everything I can before they get too old to care.”
I feel the tears creeping down my face now and try to wipe them away, but it’s useless. I can’t stop. He’s hit me in the heart, and the fact that we’re in the most romantic city in the world isn’t helping my emotions at all.
“You’re amazing Abbey Feldman,” he nods. “And tonight, I want to give you the world.”
He leans across the table and gives me a soft kiss, before moving his chair over so he can sit beside me and sip his wine as we float down the river. I don’t say much. I’m too emotional and I don’t want to sob like a baby on his shoulder, so I just lean my head against his shoulder, drink my wine and eat some cake. Justin gently talks to me about the different things we pass on the river, kisses me, and holds me close to him. This is what I like to do best with him, and he knows that. He knows I don’t need luxury in my life to be happy, but at the same time, I think it makes him happy to give me things I could never dream of having with anybody else.
So I guess if it makes him this happy, I’ll go along with it.
“I love you.” I lace my fingers through his after a while and whisper it to him. “I love you so much.”
He kisses my forehead. “Never leave," he whispers.
I smile at him. “I won't.”
Story Tags: triangles justinandtrace executivej
