Unlike the majority of America, I don’t need to hit the lottery, but...spoiled ass me, I’ve done it anyway.  It’s not a financial lottery though, it’s a romantic one.  I’ve been given the most amazing woman in the world to share my time with, and spending a week alone with her literally sealed the deal for me.  She’s the only woman in the world that’s right for me, the only person that has ever made me feel this complete, this happy with myself.  

For the first time in my life, I look at myself in the mirror and like the man I’ve become.

We took in the sites of Paris at our own pace the rest of that week, strolling through the streets, spending an afternoon at the Louvre, and an evening at the opera, which to my surprise, Abbey really enjoyed.  I never viewed her as a classical music type, and was almost hesitant to take her that night after dinner, but I went with my gut because I wanted her to try something new.  That’s important to me...showing her the world.  It’s obvious to me that she hasn’t seen much of it.  She was never that privileged, not that it ever mattered to her.  Abbey lives for the moment, finds joy in the simplest things that would bore me to death.   It’s one of the things I love most about her.

On New Years eve I treated her to a private dinner at the top of the Eiffel Tower.  I saved that trip for the very last night we were there, because I knew it was what she wanted to do the most.  We had a seven course dinner with wine pairing, as we watched the fireworks shoot off over the Siene and counted down the minutes until the New Year started.  It was the perfect night.  She told me she didn’t want it to end.  

I didn’t want it to either.  I wanted to stay cooped up in my apartment with her for another week, forgetting all the responsibilities we had back in New York, but that was impossible.  The boys needed us, and I was needed back at work.  Unfortunately, our perfect week had to draw to a close...but not without one more night of passion.

We kissed long and hard at midnight.  There was so much that I said in that kiss, so much that I promised her.  I would be there for her, take care of her, and the boys. Make everybody happy, sacrifice my time and energy to ensure it.  Abbey was my family.  She was all I had in the world, and I held her closer to me, breathing in her faintly sweet scent, thanking God that she was really there...that she was really mine.  That I’d been given the chance to help her when she needed it to most, and that I allowed her to show me all the things I was missing in my life, before it was too late.  In a way, it was like we’d rescued each other.

I promised myself I would never let anything bring her down again.

“What’s your resolution,” she asked me softly as we laid in bed together several hours later.  

I laughed a little.  “I never make them.”

“Well start.” She nudged me.  “Everybody is allowed to have one resolution.”

I kissed her forehead and pulled her closer to my bare chest.  “To love you.”

“Sappy.”

“Hey,” I laughed.  

“You already love me,” she smiled.  “Pick something else.”

I sighed a little bit, but I knew she meant well.  “I guess...spend more time with the boys.”

She started to kiss my chest, gently.  “Good one,” she giggled.  “You know what mine is?”

I smirked. “To have this much sex all the time?”

“You could never be that lucky,” she laughed.

I scowled.  “You’re evil.”

“No, but...seriously.”  She cuddle up with to again, and I put my arms around her slender, naked body before kissing her neck a little bit.  “I want to do something...I don’t know..I mean, I love spending my days with the boys, but sometimes I wish I could be doing something more.”

I understood completely.  After all, she’d originally come to me looking for a marketing job, and I tended to forget that she was an educated person.  She wasn’t meant to be stuck in my house, or to go shopping all day. She had a brain and wanted to use it.  “Maybe you could take some classes,” I suggested.  “It might be fun.”

She looked into my eyes and smiled.  “You wouldn’t mind?”

“I want you to be happy,” I said softly as I kissed her.  “You can have whatever you want. Think about what you’d like to do, and let me know the details.  I’ll take care of the rest.”

“How’d I’d get such a good guy?” She smiled and rubbed my bare chest with her hand before sighing happily and closing her eyes.  “I love you.”

She was completely content.  It was all I could have asked for.  “I love you too.”

In the blink of an eye we were back in the city, back to our regular routines.  The boys had a great time at Dennis’ house while we were gone.  They went sleigh riding, played laser tag a couple of times, and horsed around in the back yard.  His wife was really happy with how everything turned out, even told me to bring them by anytime they wanted to play with her kids.  It was genuine, not something Dennis had told her to say to kiss my ass.  If anything, it made me respect the guy that much more.  It’s been working out well, Dennis being made partner.  Everybody already respected him, and they love working for him even more.  We seem to click in all the right places, like Trace and I used to.  When I call him with something, half the time he’s already on top of it, or was just about to be.  It gives me peace of mind.  I don’t really have to worry, just do my thing like always.  Business, for once, isn’t as overbearing.  I have a life now.

Speaking of Trace, I haven’t talked to him since that day at the playground.

Oh yeah, and I couldn’t give a shit, either.

The only thing I really have to work on now, is my relationship with my brothers.  It’s more Austin than Davey.  Davey is too easy, and now that he’s in school, he’s more preoccupied than ever.  I kept Francine on, because Abbey wouldn’t allow me to let her go.  I consider her more of a tutor than anything, and she comes to the house every other day to work with Davey on the things he’s been learning in school.  It’s a good thing...

It’s been giving Austin and I time together that we never had before.  

After a long discussion with Abbey on how I could make myself more available for Austin, we both agreed that Friday afternoons were best.  I could leave work early, pick him up from school and go do something with him. It was weird, agreeing to it.  I never left work early, and I told her that sometimes I might get stuck at the office.  Abbey understood all that though, she told me she just wanted me to make the effort, and if something came up once in a while, Austin would have to understand.  It’s been working out, surprisingly.  I didn’t think I’d be able to sneak out of the office so easily, but Dennis has practically been pushing me out the door every Friday afternoon.

Call me crazy, but I think Abbey got to him.  I wouldn’t put it past her.

We’ve been going to the gun range.  There’s a nice one out on Long Island near Dennis’ place, and we take the railroad there most Friday afternoons.  He’s been so anxious to learn how to use to rifle I got him for Christmas that I haven’t had the heart to tell him no.  He’s really enjoying learning how to use it properly.  It’s one of the only things I’ve ever seen him take extra time and effort to get right, and I know, deep down, it’s the only thing he has in his life that reminds him of Memphis.  

I guess...I guess it reminds me of Memphis too, and I take pride in being the one to teach him the things about the gun that my father taught me.  My father didn’t know much, but he knew guns, and teaching Austin these things will preserve his memory.  It’s the least I can do to pay tribute to the man that gave me life, even if we didn’t have much of a relationship.  There was a posting about a father son shoot off on the bulletin board at the gun range.  Austin practically begged me to take him.  I was a little taken back.  I never thought he...he would ever look up to me that way, like a father.  I never thought being there for him like this would matter so much.

But it does.

We’ve been practicing a couple of extra nights a week to prepare for it.  I take him to dinner afterwards and we talk.  We talk about everything.  School, the things he likes to do, the friends he’s made in his class.  He’s taken a real interest in theater.  His teacher told him she wants him to play the lead in their spring musical, and he’s really excited about it.  It’s a little strange to me, him being all theatrical.  I don’t have a clue where he gets it from.  Nobody in our family was musical, at least I’m pretty sure.  I mean, Momma used to sing to me when I was a little kid...maybe she was better at it than I thought.  I’m encouraging him though.  He taking voice lessons now, and piano too.  I invested in a piano, and the teachers come to work with him after school at the house a couple of times a week.  Those classes have seem to calm him down a little more.  He’s not as restless now.  Abbey says it’s because his mind is more stimulated.

Whatever works, I guess.

I’ve set apart special time for Davey too.  Most Sunday afternoons we go for a walk and get ice cream, just us.  He talks a lot more than he used to, mostly about his teacher and the things he does in class.  I don’t really care what the subject is though, I’m just glad he’s talking.  I think he’s going to be normal in a few years...find out who he really is and what he wants to do, and I’ll be here to support him, just like I support Austin.  I think he knows that.  I think he knows that I’d do anything to keep him happy, and right now, the most important thing is for him to enjoy his childhood while he still can.

Austin has a birthday coming up at the end of next month.  I know he wants to go to Disney.  It’s been a lot for me to think about.  I’m not really into that ‘magic and memories’ type of vacation.  I’d much rather take us to a warm island and lay on the beach with Abbey in her bikini while the kids play in the water.  But Austin keeps dropping hints whenever he can, like, ‘in Disney they have...’ and ‘Oh I heard you can do that in Disney.’  Abbey is even in on it.  She keeps asking me what we should do for Austin’s birthday.  The one time I told her we could take him to Great Adventure she sort of frowned, like it wasn’t good enough.  “There’s not enough things for Davey to do,” was her answer.  “Disney is a better option, don’t you think?”

I knew I was stuck, so I gave in, even though I said I would ‘think about it’.

I booked the trip three days ago.  Ten days at the most magical place on earth.  We’re staying at this place called the Grand Floridian.  The woman on the phone was really nice, and told me that it was the best hotel on their grounds.  “Yeah,” I said.  “I’ll take that and the best of whatever it is that you people do down there.  I need to entertain two kids for ten days, and get some time in with my girlfriend.  Can you put that in your computer?”  

The woman laughed at me, and began to put together my package for me right there on the phone.  

At twenty grand, it's a steal.  

I’m praying I can survive it.  I told Dennis my plans.  He smiled and got this excited gleam in his eyes because he loves to take his family there.  He’s been giving me all kinds of literature about the place, even told me that the package I booked included a VIP guide so we wont have to wait in line or plan anything ourselves.  Yeah, I’m definitely looking forward to doing nothing.  I haven’t told the boys yet.  Not even Abbey.  I want it to be a surprise for them.  Abbey acts like she only wants to go for the boys, but I know her...I know she’s all hot for Mickey Mouse.  I think I’ll do okay.  My family will make it special for me.  It’ll bring us closer together, and I know that’s the most important thing.

Hell, by the end of it, I may actually become a big cheesy sap after all.  All those characters and magical moments just might bring a tear to my eye...

Yeah, right.

“Did you guys have fun at the range today?” Abbey smiles as she passes me the bowl of mashed potatoes.  

“Justin says we’re going to give those guys a run for their money,” Austin smiles.  

That’s my boy.  

“Oh yeah?” Abbey raises an eyebrow at me, not thrilled at my choice of wording with my impressionable twelve year old brother.  “I certainly hope you’re going to be careful, Austin.  Don’t shoot anybody.”

“I won’t,” he mutters and leans his chin on his hand.

“Ab,” I laugh.  I know she’s still not big on this gun thing, but what can I do? The kid wanted one, and we’re having fun together.  “It’s completely safe.  Everybody wears bulletproof vests.”

She sighs.  “I know, I know,” she chuckles softly.  “I just wish you two could have taken up like...fly fishing or something.”

Austin and I exchange glances, and put our fingers in our mouths before smiling at one another.

“When can I learn to shoot the gun? Davey asks me.

Silence falls over the table for a moment.  I hate to have to tell him the truth, but I know if promise him that we’ll go next weekend or something, Abbey will probably punch me in the balls later tonight.  “In a few years, buddy,” I promise him as I finish plopping the potatoes on my plate and pass the bowl on to Austin.  “You’re still a little too young.”

“Oh.” He looks down at the table sadly.

I look to Abbey for an answer.  I hate breaking the kids heart like that.  

“Maybe we can go watch them, Dave.”  She smiles a little and puts a hand on his shoulder.  “You’d like that, right? We can cheer for them.”

I perk up slightly.  It shocks the hell out of me that she would want to be anywhere near the gun range.  “Seriously?” I ask her.

She looks over at me and rolls her eyes a little bit.  “Do I have a choice?”

I snicker a little.  “Not really.”

“Yeah, I want to you come!” Austin exclaims.  

“Then we’ll be there,” she says, forcing a smile for him.

Well, that’s settled.

We get off the subject after that, Abbey not hesitating to give me a look that tells me what we’ll be discussing in bed later on tonight.  It’s fine.  I know I can reassure her that nobody is going to get their heads blown off.  In fact, I think getting her around the sport will do her some good.  She might even take to it once she realizes it’s not as dangerous as she’s made it out to be.  Maybe I can teach her how to shoot a gun.

That would be sexy as hell.

We finish our pot roast dinner, and Lucinda brings out dessert.  Cake and ice cream, which the boys begin to devour as soon as it’s place in front of them.  I’m just about to take a bite into my own, before the phone begins to ring.  It makes me curious.  It’s the landline, and that almost never rings.  It’s always my cell that’s going off.  Abbey has one too.  Usually, her friends call her to invite her out shopping or to do something with the boys, but never at dinner time.  I shrug a little.  “I’ll get it,” I say, as I get up from the table, and walk into the living room to pick it up.  “Hello?”

“Is...this is Justin, right?”

I don’t recognize the voice.  “Yeah, who’s this?”

“This is Barbara Sampson.”

My heart skips a beat.  My first question is, why the hell is this woman calling?  My second one is, how the hell did she get this number?  “Oh...yeah, I remember,” I say softly, and glance back at Abbey over my shoulder.  She’s smiling and laughing with the boys about something that I’d really like to get back to.  

“I’m sorry to call you like this,” she speaks up in a soft voice.  “I got your number from your secretary.  We didn’t have a way to get in touch with Abbey.  Her number has changed so many times.”

“Is everything okay?” I state, bluntly.  I hate to be so cold, but she was never nice to me, and she made Abbey feel like a piece of shit in her own home.

“I’d...I’d like to speak with Abbey if that’s possible,” she says.

“Yeah...just a sec...” I trail off and pull the phone away from my ear, not saying anything for several moments.  The only thing running through my mind, is that she made an extreme effort to get in touch with her.  That tells me that she has something important to say to Abbey...but what is it, and...

Do I want to find out?

“Who is it, baby?”

Abbey is looking back at me know, the curiosity filling her expression.  

“It’s...it’s for you,” I croak.  “It’s Barbara Sampson.”

r32;Her eyes get a little bit wider, and her fork clatters down onto her plate.  “Why?”

I shake my head.  “I...I don’t know.”

She bites her lip as she slides herself out from the table, and slowly walks over to me.  The fear in her expression is apparent now.  She’s as clueless as I am about this phone call, and a big part of me is hoping she’ll tell me to hang up, to leave that part of her life alone forever.  But then...she takes it from me, and I stand back.

“Barbara,” she says gently, keeping her gaze fixed on me.  “Yes...okay, okay slow down.  Why are you crying?  What? When? Oh...oh my god...”

She trails off and clamps a hand over her mouth, before starting to sob.  I have to race over to her and catch her, as she begins to fall to the floor.  

I can only think of one thing that could possibly effect her this much.  One thing that seemed completely impossible.  I pray it’s not the case.  I pray that...they just found a body, as horrible as that is.

“Washington,” she whimpers into the phone.  “Yes, Tuesday.  Okay.”

She hangs up.

“Abbey why are you crying?”

Davey is standing over us, as we sit on the floor together.  She’s sobbing into my lap and I’m stroking the top of her head gently.  I won’t ask what’s wrong.  I can’t.  I can’t face the truth, not now.  We’re...we’re so happy.  We are. I love her, she loves me, and...and this can’t happen now.  It can’t....

“Braeden is alive.”  She whispers to me, finally.  “He’s coming home.”

I swallow hard as I gaze back at her.  I can’t say anything.  I have no fucking clue what the right words are.  “Austin, take Davey inside,” I tell him as he comes up behind his brother.

“But what’s...”

“Go!” I yell at him.

His eyes get wide, and he whimpers a little bit as he pulls Davey away with him by the hand.

The room is filled with uncomfortable silence now that we’ve been left alone together.  I wait for her to tell me details, to tell me something that will make this all go away.  But she doesn’t.  She just sits there and sobs while I hold her against me.  “Are they sure?”

“She talked to him yesterday.  He’s being flown into DC on Tuesday.  I...I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.  They’re expecting me to be there.”

She looks up at me, with so many questions in her eyes.  She wants me to give her the right answer, but fuck, fuck...I don’t know what the answer is.  The better part of me is telling me to let her go.  That she needs to go.  But if she does...if she does...

If she does that, what happens?  What happens when she leaves me for him?

“You need to go,” I hear myself say the words, and I have no idea what possessed me to do it.  “You know that, and so do I.”

She squeezes my hand, so hard, as if she’s trying to hold onto me, to the relationship we have, and to the boys too.  “But..”

“Abbey.”  I push her chin up so she’ll have to look at me again, and shake my head a little, feeling the tears welling up behind my eyes.  “You have to go.”

I think it’s the bravest thing I’ve ever done, giving her my blessing.  It’s because I love her.  I love her so much that I can’t bare to bring her grief at this moment.  There’s too many emotions behind this.  She’s probably more confused now than she’s ever been, and I need to be a man about it.  I need to support her...

Support her and pray to god that she comes back to me.

“Maybe you and the boys can come...”

I shake my head. She already knew that answer.  We’re not a part of this, and I for one, would feel extremely awkward meeting the guy after everything Abbey and I have done together.  “You know we can’t.”

She just nods.  “I’m...I’m so sorry...” She cries.

“Hey.”  I force her to look at me.  ‘I...I love you.  You need to do this but...but what we have is special, you know? We’ll be okay.  I know we’ll be okay.”

I can feel the tears on my face, but this time, I don’t feel ashamed.  She wraps her arms around me after that, and I hug her so tight, like I never want to let her go.

“It’s just a couple of days,” she begins to explain.

“Please don’t think about that,” I whisper as I rub her back.  “Just do what you have to do.  I’ll be here waiting when you get back.”

“Okay,” she sobs.  “Okay.”

I eventually get her to calm down and come sit back at the table with me.  Lucinda clears the table for us, and doesn’t ask any questions.  She makes Abbey some warm milk though, and I thank her with a small smile as she leaves us.  I make Abbey drink it, hoping it will make her feel a little bit better, before helping her up to our bedroom.  She’s still sobbing.  I help her change into her pajamas, kissing all the spots on her body that she loves as I do it, before helping her get into bed with me.  I pull her close to me, and just hold her as she trembles and cries herself to sleep.  It’s all I can do.  I know that there’s nothing I can say that will ease her confusion about this.  I can only imagine how she feels.  If I were in her shoes, I have no idea what I’d be thinking.  It scares me.  

It scares me so much, because I realize I love her more than anything in this world, and even with all my wealth and power, I can’t change this.  I can’t change the past, I can’t change the fact that she was with him for years and about to marry him before he vanished.  

It’s the first time I realize that my money can’t buy me everything.

The only thing I can do right now is have hope.  The hope and belief that we’re really meant to be together.  I feel the tears on my face again, and I know how much it’s going to affect me when she’s away.  I’ll be up nights, worried sick that I’m going to lose her, only...she can’t know that.  She’s the one that needs the emotional support right now, not me.  So I’ll be strong, I’ll be brave and let her go.

Let her go because I love her more than I love myself.