It was all so fast.
First I was in love, raising those boys, and enjoying my new life with my boyfriend.
Then I was packing my bags, crying, knowing Justin wanted nothing to do with me ever again.
I kept thinking to myself...how did it happen? How did it all fall apart so fast? I couldn’t come up with a good answer. It just didn’t make sense. I was wrong, yes, in a lot of ways, but I thought Justin would be able to understand, at least talk to me about it, because the bond we shared was so strong. I thought we would be able to come to a solution...
Because on the flight back to New York, I realized that I may have wanted to stay with Justin more than I originally thought.
But he didn’t even want to listen to me, or try to salvage our relationship,
It was like, he’d started to slip back into that arrogant jerk that I despised so much. He didn’t care that I’d been an emotional mess since the day Barbara called. He only knew one thing, that I’d been physical with Braeden, and it made him shut me out completely.
“He got scared.” Charlene dumps a drawer full of clothes into a box. “So he freaked out and dumped you, like a stupid asshole. Personally, if he wants to act like a God damned child, I say let him. But if you’re this upset about it, you should try to talk him one more time before you leave.”
I’ve been sitting on the bed for hours, watching her empty my belongings into boxes and suitcases. As it turns out, I compiled a lot of shit while I’ve been living here. Most of it is articles of clothing that Justin let me use his credit card to pay for. I’m putting it all in boxes and leaving it for him with the receipts so he can get his money back. I’m so grateful that I picked up the trait of saving everything, from my mother.
“I can’t talk to him.” I fold up the edges of the box and seal it shut with some packing tape. “He refuses to come near me.”
I cried on the floor for hours after he walked out on me that day. The things he said to me and the bitter, cold way he put them, pushed me over the edge. I’d had such an emotional roller coaster of a week, and sure, I knew coming home and explaining it all to Justin was going to be rough.
But I never counted on it being that bad.
I never counted on him telling me he didn’t care about me, or love me anymore. That...maybe he never had.
I think that crushed me the most.
I’ve been walking around like a zombie since then, feeling like my insides have been torn apart and put back inside me again. The boys didn’t come home that night, despite the fact that Justin said he was going to send for them. I knew he only lied to me because I had, in his terms, lied to him. It was a mind game that I didn’t want to play, and when he didn’t come home that night either, I knew he was serious. He didn’t want to be with me anymore, and I had to calm down, suck it up, and move on. Move on because I still had other things in my life that I had to take care of, regardless of my status with Justin.
Like Colorado and Braeden.
Even though his mother and his military liaison didn’t want him to, Braeden came to see Charlene and I off at the airport that morning anyway. He was slowly starting to break away from his mother’s protective hold over him, regain his personal strength that I knew so well and loved. By the time I was back in Colorado, I was sure I would be seeing a completely different version of Braeden. A stronger one, a freer one. I didn’t know how different he would be from the guy I remembered, but I hoped, if anything, it would be a more positive change than negative.
Braeden and Charlene hugged for a few minutes when we reached the security checkpoint, and she began to yak his ear off for a while after that about various things that ‘he better do’ before we got home. He was laughing. It was the laugh I remembered. The one I hadn’t been able to remember after he’d been gone for a few years, and I caught myself in a silly smile.
But it faded away quickly.
Charlene told me she would meet me at the gate, after she was through lecturing Braeden, and left us alone to say goodbye. I sort of stood there, knowing how awkward the previous evening had been for us, and I didn’t know if he even wanted to talk to me before I went through the security checkpoint.
“I’ll see you Tuesday,” I promised, forcing a smile for him as I slung my carry on over my shoulder, and started to walk away.
“Babs.”
I felt him tugging on my carry on, and it forced me to stop short, and look back at him.
“I was out of line...last night,” he confessed, softly. “I shouldn’t have pushed you physically and...I shouldn’t have said...what I said, to you either. It’s your decision, whatever you do. It doesn’t make you selfish.”
It was genuine. There was no denying that. It was how Braeden had always been when I had been with him. He hated to fight with me. In fact, throughout our entire relationship, I could only remember us having one or two major disagreements. “I get it. I know...I know this has been really hard for you, Bray. I won’t hold it against you.”
“It’s been hard for you too.”
He was right.
“Whatever happens...” He began as he stepped up to me and held my hands in his. “I can live with it, as long as I know you’re happy.”
I smiled a little, feeling the tears welling up behind my eyes. “Bray...I...”
He kissed me again, just once. “Tuesday. I’ll see you then. We’ll talk, okay?”
I pressed my lips together and looked down at his hands that were still in mine. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with us, and I don’t want you to expect anything, Bray. I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you more.”
“We were friends first, Babs. Always.”
I looked up at him. There was a hint of light in his eyes, for the first time since he’d been brought back home, and I knew he was learning how to appreciate just...being around me again, while putting the physical stuff to the side. “We were,” I said lightly.
He smiled. “Then that’s what I’ll consider us for now. Best friends.”
We hugged one last time, long and hard, before he told me to have a safe flight.
I left him standing there in the airport, completely uncertain of what was going to happen when I saw him again. He’d backed off. He was giving me that time to talk to Justin and figure things out, because he loved me enough to let me go. It was uncanny because it was the same thing Justin had done with me originally...
Only, I’d done things with Braeden that I knew Justin wouldn’t necessarily be happy about. I was certain though, that our relationship was too strong, that we loved each other too much, to let something like that rip us apart. I was determined to be straightforward with him, convincing myself it was the key to our relationships survival. On the way back to New York, I could feel in my heart that Justin...Justin was the one I belonged with. That he was waiting for me and he loved me.
But I was so wrong.
“That’s the last of the crap.” Charlene puts her hands on her hips after she finishes sliding the last dresser drawer back into place. “Do you have everything you’re bringing?”
I close and seal the last box Charlene has prepped. “Yeah. It’s by the door.”
“Great. You wanna go then? We can probably get a bite to eat before we go to the airport.”
I look around the room for a moment before slowly sitting back down on the bed. No, I’m not ready to go. I’m ready to talk to Justin, to settle things, to get him to accept what I did and allow me to stay here and work things out.
The truth is, no matter how laid back Braeden is going to try to be with me, I’m fucking terrified of spending time with him back home. I care about him, yeah, but I don’t know him anymore, even though he thinks I do. I’m fucking confused. The only person I really know anymore, is Justin. I need him. I wish...I wish I never went to DC, but that’s so unrealistic.
I sob, because I know I have to leave, and the worst part about it is, the boys aren’t even here. How Justin expects me to leave without saying goodbye is beyond me. It makes me want to resent him.
But I can’t. I don’t have it in me.
“Stop crying,” Charlene pulls on my hand. “You have to stop, Abbey. It didn’t work out, and I’m sorry but you have other things to concentrate on.”
I nod a little.
And then I hear it...doors slams followed by echoing voices downstairs.
“No Austin! Give it back!”
Laughter.
“Hey...Austin!” Justin’s voice booms. “Give that back to him, right now.”
“Oh God.” I sit back down on the bed and put a hand to my forehead.
“I knew we should have left sooner,” Charlene mutters. “This is going to turn into a mess. You better believe the minute he starts in with you, he’s going to get a cold slap of reality, with my very own fist.”
“Char.” I narrow my eyes.
“Come on.” She pulls me up from the bed. “We’re leaving.”
She grabs one of my large suitcases, and has me grab the other one. That’s it. That’s everything I came here with, plus a few things I bought for myself when I was on Justin’s payroll. It’s pathetic. I look like a pauper compared to him. It’s no wonder I’m not good enough to be with him anymore.
We walk downstairs together, and when we reach the bottom, that’s when I see them. Justin is sitting on the couch with the boys, playing with his Blackberry while the boys watch cartoons and wrestle with each other. He doesn’t look up at us, but I know he can tell that we’re standing here.
“Abbey! Abbey when did you come home!”
Austin is smiling at me, having noticed me within seconds. It gets Davey to perk up and greet me with a big hello, too.
I feel sick.
“H-hey guys,” I smile. “Did you have fun at Dennis’s house?”
“Yeah,” Austin nods, before looking at the suitcase in my hand. “Why didn't you leave that upstairs?”
Really? I look at Justin. He completely ignores me and continues to press the buttons on his Blackberry. He didn’t tell them. He was too much of a coward to do it. I sigh and put my suitcase down on the ground. “Come here,” I tell him gently.
The excited gleam in his eyes fades away, and he slides off the couch and walks over to me, Davey right behind him. I crouch down as they stand in front of me, look down at the hardwood floor for a moment, before I find the courage to tell them the truth. “I...I have to leave.”
“For your family?” Davey asks, his head cocked to the side.
I suck in a breath. “Kind of. Yes.”
“But you’re coming back,” Austin blurts out. “Right? On the weekend?”
I suck in my bottom lip, and look back to Justin, hoping he’ll be paying attention this time. But still, he’s not. He’s resting the side of his face against his fist as he flips through the television channels. I look at Charlene.
“Tell them, Ab.”
I know that’s the best advice I’m going to get.
“I...” I pause to collect my emotions. “I don’t know when I’ll be back, Aus.”
“But why?” He turns back around, to face Justin this time. “Why is Abbey leaving!” He yells at him.
But Justin doesn’t answer.
I wish I had a better explanation. One that wouldn’t make him resent me, or Justin. But I just don’t, and I don’t want to tell him the truth, either. He’s been messed up enough, and doesn’t need me create more issues for him. “Austin...”
“I saw you kissing that man on the TV.”
Fucking great.
“Abbey, why do you want to be with him for?” Austin says next. “I thought you liked it here.”
I shake my head. “It’s not that I want to be there more than here, Austin. Sometimes things...just don’t turn out like you want them to.”
I stare at Justin again.
This time, I see him slightly glance at me, but he quickly catches himself and goes back to the TV.
“Don’t leave, Abbey,” Davey whispers.
It takes everything in me not to start bawling right there in front of him. Instead, I lean forward and kiss his cheek before ruffling his hair. “I’ll miss you, Dave. I want you to be good, okay? Pay attention in school and listen to Justin. I’ll send you letters.”
But he doesn’t smile, doesn’t like my proposition at all. His bottom lip trembles, and then he’s sobbing, running way from me before I can hug him one last time.
Then it’s just Austin. He’s standing there, staring at me, like it’s just hitting him now. That I’m not going to be here on Monday to get him up for school, to pick him up, take him to the park, tuck him in at night, or do any of the things he loves to do with me ever again. He’s losing me.
“I’m coming with you, Abbey!”
“Austin...you can’t.”
“Yes I can!”
He runs off, probably to get his things. I slowly rise to my feet again, wiping my eyes, and looking at Charlene for some support.
“Let’s go before he can get back out here,” she says, with a warning tone in her voice.
“I’ll be right out.”
She sighs, probably because she knows I’m going to try to talk to Justin. “Ab.”
“I’ll be right out.”
“God, fine.”
She walks out with both of our suitcases, not saying a word to Justin. I’m glad. I didn’t want a huge screaming match to break out between them. Not in front of the kids.
“You can go,” Justin speaks up suddenly, not taking his focus off the TV screen “He’ll get over it.”
I scoff. “Right. Just like he got over his parents.”
He actually turns his head to look at me this time. “Don’t start.”
“Why can’t we talk?”
“I’m not having this discussion.” He waves me off with his hand. “If you’re going, go. If not, you have until tomorrow to get your shit together.”
“This isn’t how you are, Justin,” I persist. “You’re better than this. You’re scared and I know you’re just hiding from me.”
He turns back to the TV, ignoring what I’ve told him.
I know I’ve lost him. Completely.
“Back.”
Austin slides to a stop in front of me, little suitcase in his hand, jacket on, ballcap pulled down over his curls. “Let’s go,” he says.
“Austin. You have to stay here,” I tell him, more firmly. “You have to.”
“No! No! I’m not letting you leave me!” He cries.
Against, Justin does nothing.
I hate myself for what I have to do now. I bend down, and pull him close to me, hugging him for a long time as he cries into my chest. “Take care of your brothers,”I whisper as I pull back from him. “Do you promise?”
“No,” he sobs. “I’m coming with you.”
“Goodbye Austin.” I shake my head, regretfully, as I turn my back on him and walk to the door.
I hear him behind me. I choose to ignore it as I open the door. I look back into the house one last time, getting a final look at Justin.
His hand is over his eyes. He doesn’t know I’m watching. I want to call out to him, tell him I love him.
But I know it’s just too late for that now.
So I walk out.
“Abbey!”
Austin runs after me on my way to the elevator. I’m sobbing harder, whimpering. I know he’s going to follow me until he can’t do it anymore, and that hurts so bad. Why can’t he just be a good kid and shut himself in his room like Davey?
Because Austin is older.
Austin looks to me as his mother now, more so than Davey ever will.
I can’t take it.
“God, I thought you were never going to come out.” Charlene says, when I walk out of the building. She’s tossing my stuff into the trunk of a taxi cab. “Come on, the meter is running.”
“We have a problem.”
r32;“Huh?”
Suddenly the door to Justin’s building flies open. Out runs Austin, ready to go.
“Oh,” Charlene sighs. “Well...you work on that.” She opens the door to the taxi and gets inside.
Nice.
“See, there’s room for me,” Austin persists, running over to the cab. I can see Charlene inside, motioning for the driver to lock the doors. I hear them click shut just as Austin tries to open the back one. He tugs and pulls, his face turning red, the tears running down his face. He’s desperate, and I wish I could bring him with me.
But I can’t.
“Austin.” I pry him away from the door. He’s still crying, desperate not to lose me. “Austin, I know you want to come with me, but you can’t. Who’s going to watch over Davey and help take care of Justin?”
“I don’t care,” he moans.
The horn beeps. I know we have to leave.
“I love you,” I say to him, as I run my hands over his face one last time. “I always will.” I bend down and kiss his face, before motioning for Charlene to unlock my door so I can get in.
“No!” He pleads as I begin to get in the car. “Abbey! No! Take me! Take me with you! P-please!”
“I love you, Austin,” I cry.
Then I pull the door closed in his face.
He pounds on the window, screaming for me to come out, pulling on the door handle even though the door has been locked.
“Miss?” The cab driver says.
“Just go,” I whisper.
“ABBEY!!”
He screams like somebody is killing him, as the car slowly begins to pull away from the curb.
I’ve only ever cried this hard for Braeden and Justin.
I see him running down the sidewalk as we drive away. He’s running so hard, desperate to keep up.
We turn the corner.
I see him in the rearview mirror, stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, panting harshly. He’s given up.
“I’m sorry,” Charlene says a moment later, once Austin is completely out of site.
“Me too.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Wow here is another chapter...yikes. I hope you guys are enjoying this! More soon!
Story Tags: triangles justinandtrace executivej
