June

Killeen,Texas

Fort Hood

“What the hell happened last night?”

He’s silent as he sits in the cell, hunched over, looking down at the grey cement floor.  

“Braeden.”

“I don’t know, okay?” He finally spits out.  “I don’t fucking know.”

I look down at my hands, twisting the diamond ring and wedding band around my finger a few times.  It’s gorgeous.  They were his grandmothers, a family heirloom, that I was honored to be given by Barbara before our ceremony.  “They had to bring him to the hospital.”

“Do you really think I give a shit?”

I press my lips together, stifling the whimper that’s dying to escape.  “No.”

“Did I make bail?”  He says it into his hands.

“Yeah, but Cal said the MP’s are coming to bring you back to base.  They’re pissed.”

The information doesn’t seem to affect him.  “You took it out of savings?”

“...I had to.”

“Fuck, Abbey.  That money is all we have.”

“What choice did I have? You tell me, Bray!”

He looks up at me, stone silent, his eyes digging into mine like daggers.  They are emotionless, dark and gloomy, like he doesn’t have an ounce of emotion inside of him.  “How much?”

I look down at the floor this time.  “Two grand.”

He laughs.  He laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

I expected a lot of things from Braeden after he came home.  The night terrors, the paranoia, his general fear of the public, the emotional outbursts, his sexual issues, and his insomnia.  But this...this is crazy.  This isn’t the Braeden I know at all. Before this, I’d never seen him so physically violent towards somebody else.  I didn’t think he had it in him to do something like this.  I’m so scared...

I’m so scared, but I still love him.

Braeden made love to me for the first time in seven years, after he proposed that day.  He hungrily grabbed my lips with his as he pulled me down onto the bed with him.  I kissed him back, unsure of myself at first.  It had been so long since I’d been in an intimate setting with him, that I started to crack a little bit more.  I cried as we kissed, and all the while he whispered in my ear that I didn’t need to worry, because he loved me and he would take care of me.  I let him strip me down naked, and when he finally pulled the last of his clothes off, I stared back at him for a few moments, marveling in him, remembering him...how much I missed him.  He was silent as he dove back down to me, catching my lips again as he ran his hands all over my body, eventually pulling my legs apart so he could consummate our love.  

It didn’t last long at all, and he knew it.  I could see the shame on his face when he finished early, but I had no intention on complaining.  I knew why.  I knew he was still weak, that his body couldn’t support him like it had before.  I pulled him down to me, because he was crying, and I tried to calm him down with my kisses and whispers in his ear that I loved him no matter what.  That I would help him get through it.  That sex wasn’t the most important thing.  

We went to talk to Braeden’s recruiter the next day.  Any other girl would have been excited that she was engaged, called her family to tell them the news, but not me.  My situation was different, I had no idea how my family or Braeden’s would react to the news.  We were getting married not only because we loved each other, but because it seemed like the only option if we wanted to stick together.  I knew Barbara would have her own opinion about it, and Braeden agreed. So we decided to hold off until we knew exactly what was going to happen.

“Well...” Robert trailed off as he looked down at Braeden’s file.  He’d always been more of a friend than a recruiter, to both of us, just because we were so young when Braeden first enlisted.  It was good to have him in our lives, rather than somebody else that didn’t know our history, and what Braeden had truly gone through.  “Your psych test was okay...” He shook his head and chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck, like something was bugging him.  “Bray, I’m not supposed to ask this, but I just don’t care. Are you ready for this?”

“Yeah.” Braeden said immediately.  “Of course.”

“Things have been hard for you.  I’ve seen people do this before, out of desperation for money and housing.  Your situation is very extreme.  If you would wait a month or two the paperwork might...”

“Robert,” Braeden persisted.  “I’ve already made up my mind.  I’m doing it.”  He reached out for my hand and I took it as he laced his fingers through mine.  “What can you do for me?”

It was the first time I’d seen him so strong, so determined, like the guy I’d always known.  He wasn’t backing down, because he knew what he wanted, he knew what would save our relationship and keep us together.  He would do anything to protect that, even if it meant he would have to suffer.  I couldn’t lie, I didn’t want him to go back into the military either, and I’d tried so hard to think of another way to handle the situation.  But there was no other way.  Not without a lot more headaches and frustration.

Braeden didn’t deserve anymore.

So I was going to hold my head high and suck it up for him.

Somebody needed to.

“I’ll talk to my superiors,” he finally said, seeming to give in as his shoulders slumped in defeat.  “I’m not doing this unless they can guarantee that you won’t be deployed.  I can’t promise that they will, but...seeing as you’re a decorated POW, they may accommodate you.”

“If you do get him reenlisted, we can live together, as long as we’re engaged, right?” I asked next.

Braeden squeezed my hand.

“Well, not exactly.  You two have to be married in order to live together on the base.  There’s no getting around that.”

I bit my lip.  It meant that we would have to get married right away if Robert found a place for Braeden to reenlist.  I knew...I knew I wanted to marry him, I just didn’t think I would have to do it in such a short amount of time.  It was a huge decision for me, but I knew if I acted like I was having an issue with it, Braeden would be hurt.  He was sacrificing himself for me and that should have been enough for me to look the other way.  But was I really ready to walk down that aisle? To be with him forever?

It didn’t matter.  He proposed, and I said yes.  That was the end of it.

“That’s fine,” Braeden spoke up.  “We’re getting married as soon as we can, no matter what they decide.”

I didn’t know where he was pulling that out of.  We hadn’t even discussed details, but I guess he said that because we’d been ready to get married when he was deployed the last time.  He didn’t think things had changed so drastically that I wouldn’t want to do it, and I couldn’t exactly blame him.  

“Then I’ll be in touch.” Robert smiled and stood up, and we did the same.  He shook both of our hands, not without a look of remorse in his eyes.  I knew reenlistment was the last thing he wanted for Braeden, but he wasn’t in control of that decision.  It was his job to look into things, and that’s what he was going to do.

We spent the rest of the week at home.  Braeden stopped trying to fix his paperwork, because he was convinced that the Army was going to help him.  I was skeptical, because in my opinion, it was their fault Braeden had gone missing in the first place.  I didn’t tell him that though.  I kept a smile on my face and my thoughts to myself because I wanted him to be in a better mood.  We ate dinner with the family that Sunday, and they didn’t catch on to our engagement, despite Braeden being a little more physical with me in front of all of them.  He would put his arm around me, or kiss my forehead.  My mom would just smile.  She knew things were happening with us, and that made her happy, because she wanted me to be with Braeden.

I figured out of everyone, at least she would be on our side.  

The call came Tuesday morning. Braeden and I were still fast asleep in bed.  He’d had another episode the night before that kept us up until four in the morning.  My head was pounding when the ringing of the phone went off in my ear, and I miserably reached out and grabbed it with my eyes closed.  “h’lo.”

“Abbey, it’s Robert.”

I shot straight up in bed.  “Oh...” I smoothed the hair out of my eyes.  “Hi.”

“Can I speak to Braeden?”

I looked over at him.  He was turned face down into his pillows, exhausted.  I hated to have to wake him, as he was finally asleep after a long night, but I knew he would want to take the call.  “Bray.”  I shook him a little.

He groaned, muttered something that I couldn’t understand, and turned over.

“Braeden.” I stroked his face.

One of his eyes opened a crack, and a soft smile took over his face.  “Hey...Babsey.”

“Come on, sit up a little.  Robert is on the line.”

His other eye snapped open, and he looked at me for a moment, his face pale, knowing it was the call he’d been waiting for.  I helped him to sit up before I gave him the phone, being careful not to press too hard on the scars covering his back.  They were better, but very sensitive, and still needed to be lightly gauzed and bandaged every few days.  It was gut wrenching to look at them when the bandages needed to be changed.  I hated those days at the doctors office more than anything in the world.  I couldn’t imagine why somebody would have caused him so much pain.  

Braeden told me his captors whipped him, but he wouldn’t get into any other details.  I couldn’t blame him.  It made me sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

“Robert.”  He pressed the phone to his ear.  “Yeah...Really? Texas?”

He looked at me while he continued to listen, a serious expression his face, because he knew how far away it was.  We would be leaving everything we ever knew behind, to start a new life.  If something went wrong, we couldn’t run to our family for help.  We would be on our own.  But I knew it would be better for Braeden, to have his identity back...to have a decent job with the military, and to be a part of society again.

“It should be fine...” He trailed off and glanced at me slightly.  “I’ll talk to Abbey about it and call you back.  Two days...uh, yeah, yeah we can decide by then.”  

I raised an eyebrow.  “Bray...”

He wouldn’t look at me that time.  “Sure, yeah...I can be there then.  All right.  Thank you...thank you so much!”  

He hung up.

“What...what happened?”

He smiled a little, and pulled on my hand so I would lay down beside him, kissing me a little.  “They have a recruiter job in Texas, at Fort Hood.  The president set it up, Ab.  The president! Can you believe it? They’re saying I won’t be deployed, ever again.  It’s perfect, baby.”

I was surprised President Bush stuck to his word that he would ‘make things right.’  While I still resented the government, I couldn’t deny that Bush had gone out of his way to help Braeden.  It touched me, I guess.  Deep down.  I knew there was no going back after that.  We would get married, we would move to Texas, maybe start a family...and live life the best we could...together.

I was amazed.  Amazed that only months ago I was lying in somebody else’s arms, convinced Braeden was gone.  I started to think of Justin then, as wrong as it was.  Started to think about how unfair life had been to us, how much I missed him and the boys.  It was stupid, but I’d been on the lookout for a letter from Austin and Davey for weeks.  I knew how much they would miss me, and figured they would try to contact me.  But nothing had come, and I started to think Justin had either stopped them from doing it, or...they simply didn’t want to bother with me anymore.

I knew I had to snap out of it, leave them all behind because I was getting married, and moving even further away from New York than I already was.  Braeden was the only person who should have mattered to me then.

But I had this nagging feeling inside of me still.

I couldn’t figure out why, either.

“What do you think?” Braeden asked me next.  

I sucked in a breath, knowing there was no choice but to say what I did next.  “Yeah.  It’s perfect.”  I forced a smile.  “We’ll do it.”

He smiled brightly, pulled me to him, and kissed me long and hard.  “I love you,” he said, breathlessly.  “You’re my miracle, you know that right?”

I smiled against his neck.  “I love you too.”

We were at my parents house for dinner the next night.  Since we had to tell Robert our decision the next day, Braeden and I both agreed that the family needed to be told what was going on before then.  I was nervous as hell, trembled all the way there, and Braeden did his best to reassure me that they would be happy for us.  I just wasn’t sure, though.  Marriage was one thing, acceptable. Braeden reenlisting and whisking us away across the country was another idea entirely.

“It’s so nice to have you two here during the week.” My mother smiled as she passed a bowl of vegetables over to Sammy.  Braeden had called his parents before we left the house that night, and asked them to join in on dinner at my parent’s.  I knew they probably thought something was going on, and when I saw how Barbara was staring at me, like I’d done something wrong, it proved my theory well.

“Yeah, well...” Braeden trailed off as he took a bite of his meatloaf, chewing it slowly and savoring the flavor before he swallowed.  “Me and Babs have something to tell you guys.”

Forks and spoons clattered onto plates.  The first person I looked at was my sister.  She was staring back at me, her eyes wide, knowing something big was about to happen.

He grabbed my hand, and when I couldn’t seem to say anything, he decided to be that strong guy I’d always known, and speak for the both of us.  “We’re getting married.”

I was completely ready for them to throw their food at us and chase us out of there with flaming torches.

“Oh my...”  Barbara spoke first, her voice trembling as she covered her mouth with both hands and started to cry.  

I held my breath.

“This is...this is wonderful!” She exclaimed next.  “Oh...Bray...”  She pulled him closer to her as she was sitting on the other side of him, and they hugged for a long time.  

My mother and sister got up and pulled me into a strong hug as well.  They were crying, so happy that things were finally going as they were supposed to.  

“Congratulations,” My father smiled when everybody calmed down a little bit.  “You kids belong together.  You always have.”

“Agreed.”  Sammy raised his glass.  “A toast to the happy couple.”

We all raised our glasses, and Braeden stared at me, his eyes twinkling as everyone clinked them together.  He was trying to tell me it had gone over better than he expected.  I knew it had.  That was the easy part.  The hard part still had yet to come.  The one where we told them what was going to happen after we got married.

“There’s...there’s more,” I finally spoke up, as my mother and Barbara began to plan our wedding right there at the table.

Everybody looked at me, except for Braeden.  

“We’re moving to Texas,” I continued.  “Right after the wedding.”

“Why?” Hannah said, sounding disgusted.

“Texas?” Mark muttered.

“I’m...” Braeden began, holding up his hand, signaling me that he wanted to tell them. “I’m reenlisting.”

Barbara shot up out of her chair.  “You will do, No. Such. Thing.”

“I have to,” he said, staring her down, an intimidating look in his eyes.  “They’re going to take care of my paperwork, and give me a job at the base, mom.  They’re also giving Abbey and I house, and a new car.  President Bush set it all up for us.  The best part is, I won’t be deployed, ever.  They guaranteed it.”

It was deathly quiet.  I knew that they didn’t want him to do it, but they didn’t get it...we had to go.  If we didn’t, Braeden would never get his life back, and it wouldn’t be right with all he’d endured.  

“We just got you back, Bray,” Sammy spoke up.  “You’re going to leave now?  Texas is awfully far away.”

“Unless you want to pay some lawyer ten grand, and hope he can get my social security sorted out, there’s no other choice.  I’m not going to live like some disabled transient, dad.  I deserve better, and so does Abbey.”

His parents exchanged glances and so did mine.  In that moment, I knew they understood why we had to leave.

“I want you to be safe,” Barbara said.

“I’m going to be recruiting,” Braeden laughed.  “There’s nothing safer, okay?  I can’t get into trouble.”

I wish he’d been right.

Barbara took a few moments before getting up to hug her son once more.  This time it was longer, and seemed very special.  They were making up in that moment.  She was sorry about their fighting and so was Braeden.  I was happy for them, even if she would never really accept me again.  

“What kind of wedding do you want?” My mom started in again after they’d stopped hugging, her eyes filled with excitement and joy.

“Small,” I said quickly.  

Braeden raised an eyebrow.  

“We don’t have much time,” I shrugged.  “There’s no point in spending a lot of money.”

“Babs,” Braeden smiled.  “We have a little over a month before I have to be there.  We can still have a nice wedding.”

I shrugged and looked at my lap.

“You can take some pointers from Candice’s wedding,” my mother spoke up.  “She’s not doing anything too over the top, honey.”

I didn’t care about what my wedding would be like.  I only cared about giving my life to Braeden, kissing him, and moving away with him.  If it had been up to me, I would have just gone to a courthouse with him and gotten our marriage license.  But our family never would have allowed it, and I don’t think Braeden would have either.  He wanted us to have a special night, after everything that we’d gone through, and I guess I couldn’t blame him.  We needed it.  We needed to have a night where we didn’t need to think about anything else except our future together.

I shut my mouth after that, letting the chaos of allowing my mother and soon to be mother in law plan our wedding, unfold before my eyes.  I couldn’t get a word in.  Every decision, right down to the cake, seemed to be up to them.   It drove me absolutely fucking crazy, and since Braeden was preoccupied trying to get everything in order for our move before the wedding happened, I was mostly on my own when it came to dealing with the two women.  Not even Hannah could help me.  They had her running in circles, calling people and putting together the RSVP list for our “small and quiet” wedding.  

I gave up.

I lost it when Charlene flew in that weekend.  I was so thankful that she was there, my fucking sanity, somebody I could actually talk to that would listen to me.  I told her everything as soon as we could sit down and talk, from Braeden’s social security nightmare, to how crazy Barbara and my mother were driving me.
r32;

“Yeah, but you’re getting married!” She squealed and hugged me tight.  “To Braeden! I can’t believe it! Can you?”

“Yeah it’s...it’s great.”

“You know, everybody is just happy for the two of you,” she told me as she leaned her head on my shoulder.  “Barbara and your mom want to make it special.  Let them.  You’re not that picky.  Besides, the most important part is your dress, and the bridesmaids dresses.  I’ll make sure you get to make that decision, okay?”

I sighed.  “I just want it to be over with.”

“Watch Candice’s wedding.  By the end of the night, you’ll probably be singing a different tune.”

I hated it, but she was right. Watching my cousin get married and dance the night away, only made me long for it myself.  I saw how happy she was, how much she glowed after the priest pronounced them husband and wife.  She was so happy, as if she didn’t have a single problem.  Thats what I wanted, to not have to worry about anything, and as I stood there, watching her in all her glory, I was in such a daze thinking about everything that I didn’t even realize who was standing behind me.

“Hey, Babs.”

I felt him kiss my neck, and slowly turned around, blushing because I had jumped slightly at his touch.  “Hey, I thought you were outside smoking cigars with the other gangsters.”

He shrugged.  “I was...”  He trailed off and smirked a little.  “Thought I’d come in and see what you were up to.”

“Just watching.”  I took a sip of my wine.  It was red. Rosa Regale.  Really, I didn’t know why I was drinking it.  It was Justin’s favorite, and the more I drank, the more I thought about him.   

“Two weeks and that will be us.”  He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and kissed my neck again, as we watched the newlyweds on the dance floor.  “Excited yet?”

“I feel like I’m going to puke.”

“Yeah,” he laughed.  “Me too.  C’mon,” he said, once the music stopped, unwrapping his arms from my waist and pulling me by the hand out to the dance floor.

“Bray.” I rolled my eyes.  “I really don’t feel like doing the chicken dance or the Macarena.

He laughed loudly.  “Yeah, because I’m a huge fan of those too.”

It was him.  It was my Braeden then.  Not the scared, tortured one, not the one who was pouring every emotion into planning for Texas.  In that moment it was just the one I’d known for the better part of my life, and as I put my wine glass down on a near bye table, I began to remember why I had come back to Colorado in the first place.  

And then...another song began to play.

Braeden smiled as he took me in his arms.  The DJ announced that it had been a special request, and I could hear my family and friends cheering as we started to dance together.  It had been our song, always our song, through birthdays and proms and family functions.  He’d always managed to slip it in one way or the other, and then, at Candice’s wedding, it was no different.  

“Braeden.” My lips trembled as he pulled me even closer to him.  “What...”r32;

“Shh.”  He leaned down and kissed me, before he started to sing part of the song to me.  

“These are the moments,” he half whispered, half sang as the tears crawled down his face, and he pressed his forehead to mine.  “I thank God that I’m alive.  These are the moments, I’ll remember all my life...I’ve found all I’ve waited for, and I could not ask for more.”

I bawled into him like a baby.  It was something I never, ever, thought I would do again, dance with him.  It was something sacred with us, something I’d only ever done with him.  And when Justin had pulled me off to dance with him at his benefit that night, it was the biggest reason I’d lost it, ran out into the hall and cried.

I was done after that.  I was going to marry him, and live happily ever after, forgetting about Justin, and what we had shared at one time in our lives.

I forced myself to believe it.

His dreams plagued him less that week of our wedding.  He still woke up at night, and I still had to comfort him, but he calmed much quicker.  I think it was because he was excited about the wedding, so...the dark stuff seemed to retreat to the back of his mind.  It was nice, having that normalcy back in our lives then, even if it was only meant to be for a short time.  

I went for a final dress fitting that Tuesday, and our wedding was that Saturday.  My mom had a function at her school, and Charlene was busy putting together last minute things for my wedding with my sister and the two other bridesmaids I’d selected, so I was going to go alone, before Barbara stopped me halfway to the car, and offered to take the trip with me.  I was uneasy.  We’d barely spoken, but I could tell that she wanted to talk to me.  I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt, because so much had happened, and I was about to marry her son and move far away with him too.  

“It’s perfect,” she smiled, as I stepped out of the dressing room with the dress on about an hour later.  “Abbey, you look incredible.”

I felt myself blush.  “Thanks, Barbara.”

She got up from the bench she’d been sitting on and slowly approached me, fixing the vail that was resting behind my head, before stroking my face a little bit.  “I know...we haven’t agreed on a lot of things, Abbey.”

“Barbara, you really don’t...”

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry,” she said, not allowing me to interrupt her.  “None of us believed that Braeden would ever come home, but you...you never gave up.  Even when you brought that fellow home with you, I could see it in your eyes that you were still waiting for Braeden to come back.  I should have believed you, I should have hoped and prayed with you, and...I’m so sorry, Abbey.”

All I could seem to do was cry then, even though I hated doing it.  I was so emotional though.  I was getting married, getting pulled every which way every day of the week, barely got to see my fiance, and there his mother way, apologizing to me for the first time in years.  I wanted to tell her how much she put me through, and how horrible she made me feel at times, but I just couldn’t. I just hugged her, hard, and she hugged me back.

It was a start.

“I want you to have this.”  She pulled a small box out of her pocket.  “I know you and Braeden couldn’t afford to buy anything elaborate, and in our family, it’s always been passed down to the oldest daughter in the family.  I had boys though...” she trailed off and laughed.  “So I’ll have to give it to my daughter in law.”

r32;I took it from her slowly, and opened the box, gasping when I saw the diamond engagement ring and gold wedding band inside.  I knew it was Braeden’s great grandmothers at one time.  “Barb...I can’ take this.”

“I want you to take it.”  She pulled both rings out of the box, and placed them on my left ring finger.  “It means a lot to me, and I know it will mean a lot to Braeden too.”

I stared down at my hand after that, marveling in the beauty of the diamond, hoping like hell that I measured up to what it meant, tradition, family and most of all, love.  “Thank you,” I cried.

We hugged forever.  I knew things were going to work out with her and I.

We were married on Saturday by the Justice of the Peace.  Braeden wore his formal military uniform, complete with his medals and other various decorations.  When I entered the hall on my dad’s arm, all I could do was stare at Braeden as he waited for me down at the alter.  He was smiling, as were his groomsmen and my bridesmaids.  The music started to play, and my daddy kissed my cheek as he walked me down the aisle.  Then I was right there, right in front of Braeden.  In all my life, I’d never seen him that happy, and when he stepped up to me, and my dad put my hand in his, it took every ounce of dignity I had not to start crying like a baby.

When we kissed, I melted away.  When we kissed, I knew nothing else mattered.  I forgot about everything that had happened in the past seven years, including Justin, including the boys.  My life was new, and I was going to live it with the love my life.

That was April fourteenth.  Now it’s June fourteenth.  We’ve been here at Fort Hood almost three months.  The trip here was simple enough.  The military shipped all of our belongings to our new home for free, which meant we didn't have to sacrifice any of the cool gifts our friends and family had gotten for us.  It’s a nice house.  Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, spacious kitchen and living room.  A great place to start a family.  The car is a Honda SUV.  I like it because it runs.  Braeden likes it because it has good “horse power.”

It’s hot in Texas.  Scorching.  I’m not used to it.  I hide out in the air conditioning, and it’s not hard to do, because every place we go has it.  Braeden works Monday through Friday at the recruitment office.  He doesn’t tell me much about it.  He’s really private about the military, what he does, and who his friends are.  I know he has them though.  They play pool in the little tavern right off the base.  I’ve tried to make friends too.  It’s hard though.  Most of the women look down on me because my husband will never be deployed, while theirs are being shipped out every six months.  I’d like to point out to them what Braeden was put through for seven years, but I won’t.  I don’t need to prove myself to them.  I keep to myself mostly.  I’ve been looking for a job, but Braeden says I don’t need one.  That we have everything we need.

But I’m so lonely.  I told him that too.  I told him all we do is stay on base.  We never go anywhere, we never explore Texas and we’re here...in a place we’ve never been.

So he caved in, and took me to Friendly’s last night.

It was going okay at first.  He’d still been having nightmares.  Those never stopped.  I knew he was scared of being in a public place.  He has a hard time being around people who aren’t in the military.  It’s like he can’t trust them, which I’ve tried to understand, but it’s hard.  I’m a people person and I can make friends easily most of the time.  I found that out in when I was living in New York.  

The waitress came and took our order, and I smiled at Braeden after she left.  “See, this isn’t bad,” I told him.  “We’re getting out of the house for once.”

“Mmhm.” He licked his lips and his eyes darted nervously around the restaurant.

Then they stopped.

“Here you go.” The waitress smiled as she motioned a family of four into the booth across from to us.  “Your server will be right with you.”

Braeden stared at them.  I tried to distract him by making conversation, but I realized he was completely turning me out.  I didn’t want to, but I stared over at the family too.  They were of middle eastern decent, a man, a woman, and two young children, a boy and a girl.  Harmless.  They were debating about what kind of dessert they should get, and the kids kept bumping themselves up and down in the booth, excited to be there.

They reminded me of Austin and Davey, and I began to smile, just a little.

“Is there a problem?” r32;r32;The man had caught Braeden staring at him, and I quickly looked away and back at my menu.

But Braeden didn’t.

“Yeah.  I wanna know who let you in here,” Braeden said.  “There’s a patrol up the road.  They should have stopped you at the checkpoint.”

He got up from the booth.

“Bray.” I gasped.  “Braeden.”

The children and the woman sunk back into the booth, because Braeden was looming over them then.  I couldn’t see his face, since his back was turned to me, but I knew he was being anything but pleasant to those poor people.  

“I said WHO let you IN!”

The man got up from the booth and pushed Braeden back a little.  “Leave us alone!”

That was when he lost it.

He...he just started attacking the guy.  It was like he blacked out.  He was acting like he did when he had his dreams, crying out, calling Anthony’s name to help him hold the guy down.  I just sat there, paralyzed with fear.  

It took twenty minutes and two men from other tables to pull Braeden off of him.

The damage done to the guy, was horrific. His face was bruised, bloody, and swollen.  All he could seem to do was moan in horrific pain.  

I couldn't believe that Braeden was capable of all that.

“Sampson, on your feet.”

r32;The door behind me swings open.  I recognize both of the MP’s from the military base.  They look at me and nod sympathetically.  

I bury my face in my hands for a moment. Then I hear the jail cell door swing open, and have to look up.  They let him walk out, and then he immediately wraps me in his arms, telling me how sorry he is.  I hold him for a while, before the MP’s make us leave the police station.  They drive us back to base, and put an ankle bracelet on Braden’s left leg, telling him he’s mandated to base until his hearing.

He storms into the house.

I follow him.

“Bray...” I put a hand on his back, as he puts his head in his hands and whimpers into them.  

“Just...just leave me alone!”

He screams it at me and roughly shoves me off of him.  It makes me jump back against the wall.

He’s staring at me like he doesn’t know what to do.

I don’t think I do either.

I go into the kitchen, leaving him like that, and sit down at the table.  I pick up the mail, sifting through it as I feel the tears sliding down my face.  This is bad.  This is really bad.  He’s never been this way with me before...so angry, so closed off.  I mean, I know what happened is terrible but usually he would want me to comfort him.

Now all he can do is scream at me.

I find a manila colored envelope, addressed to me from my sister, and it’s the only reason I’m able to smile.  I tear it open.  A piece of paper falls out, along with another letter that’s been sealed in a separate envelope.  I look at the loose paper first, realizing it’s been written in Hannah’s large, curvy handwriting.

Howdy,

I thought I’d say howdy because I heard that’s what they do in Texas.  How are you? I haven’t talked to you much lately so you much be busy.  I miss you.  So do mom and dad.  You guys have to take some pictures of the base and stuff so we can see everything.  

I found this in Mom’s junk pile the other day when I was going through her desk looking for a pen.  It’s from that little boy Austin.  I thought you might want it.  I don’t know why she kept it.

CALL ME.

Love,

Hannah

PS...Prom is next week! Mark is going to look dashing in his tux and I got the most AWESOME dress.  I’ll send pictures.

I don’t wait.  I tear open the second envelope, breathing harshly, infuriated with my mother for not showing it to me.  My Austin must think I don’t give a damn about him, and my eyes well up with tears again, as I unfold the paper and begin to read.

Abbey,

I don’t hate you.

Justin said I could write you a letter, so I am.  How are you? I’m okay, I guess.  Davey is good too.  He likes school.  I don’t know if I do.  Ms. Parks is making me sign up for the spelling bee.  She thinks I’m a good speller.  I told Justin I didn't’ want to do it, but he says I have to.  We practice.  I like to practice with him, but I wish you were here to practice with too.  I miss you.

Are you really not coming back?

I wish you would.  Davey does too.  You must like that other man, I guess.  

Maybe you can come home for a visit soon.

Love, Austin

I sob a little bit.  I hate that I’m just getting this now.  I hate it.  I find a notebook in the drawer and pull it out, immediately beginning to write him back.

Hi Austin,

I didn’t mean to not write you back.  Your letter got a little misplaced, but now that I have it, I’ll make sure you always know how to get in touch with me.  How was the spelling bee? Did you win? If you didn’t, I bet you got far.  Are you talking care of your brothers like we talked about? I hope you are.  I hope they are both doing okay.

I do like that other man a lot.  I never meant for things to happen like they did, but sometimes, you can’t prevent things like that.  When you get older, I think you’ll understand.  

I live in Texas now on a military base.  I think you and Davey would like it here. The weather is always nice, and there’s a lot to look at and see.  Maybe you can come visit me soon? I’d really like that.  

I love you always and I’ll write to you when you write me back,

Love, Abbey

I find an envelope and quickly write out the proper addresses on it before sealing it up.  I make sure my return address is legible enough for a twelve year old to read, before I slip my shoes back on and head towards the door.  I see Braeden as I walk, curled up on the couch, crying.  I know he needs me.  I know things are going to be a little bit crazy from here on out with him, and I’ll...I’ll be there for him because he’s my husband and I love him.

But I’m mailing this letter first.