“But why!”

He waved the letter Abbey had written him in my face as I opened my bottle of Muscle Milk that morning, and I sighed.  “Because it’s...it’s not a good idea.”

“She wants me to come!”

I snatched the letter from him, and folded it up so I could shove it in my pocket.  “Forget it, Austin.”

I didn’t have a problem with Austin writing letters to Abbey.  I stayed out of it, let him talk to her because it was the right thing to do.  It made him happier, and I needed him to be a happy kid.  We all needed to deal with the change in our lives, and that was his way of doing it.

But there was no way in hell I was flying him out to see her.  It wasn’t like she was his mother and had visitation rights.  I knew once I let him go out to see her, he would want to go all the time, and I wouldn’t be able to deal with that.  I wouldn’t be able to deal with her face to face, knowing I couldn’t ever have her by my side again.

“I hate you!”

My decision was final.  “Sorry Austin.”  I took a sip of my protein drink.  “You can’t always get your way.  You should know that by now.”

“But...but it’s Abbey!”

“I don’t care who it is.  It’s Texas and that’s too far for you to be traveling by yourself.  I’m done discussing it, all right?  My mind is made up.”

He actually cried, hard.  Usually he just whimpered or pouted, but that morning he was literally sobbing in front of me.  It hurt my heart, but I wasn’t going to give in.  I couldn’t.  I wouldn’t allow myself to deal with anymore pain caused by Abbey Feldman.

“Give me my letter!”

I tossed it at him.

He took it and ran into the next room.

“You better get ready for camp!”

He didn’t answer.  Then I heard his door slam.  

I knew he was in a bad place mentally, but I had no idea what I could do to help him, besides the impossible.  Austin was tough like that.  He wasn’t going to simply sit down with me and ask me to help him or tell me how badly he was hurting inside.  He wanted me to cast him away to Texas so he could invade Abbey’s life.  Even I knew that she wouldn’t want him around.  She’d moved on, and I was convinced she was only writing him letters because she felt bad for him.  Honestly, if I could have, I would have forced him to stop communicating with her all together.

But I knew that would crush him.

I let him pout and cry as I left for work, hoping he would get over my decision on his own.  It was the summer, which meant no school, but both of the boys’ schools ran their own day camps, which I was more than thankful for.  They took the kids to different spots around Manhattan, like museums and Broadway shows.  I was glad they had something to do, because I was so busy at work, I barely had time for the boys anymore, as much as I hated to admit it.

My Friday afternoons with Austin had become non existent.  I tried to keep up with them, but it was next to impossible.  Abbey wasn’t around to watch Davey, and it wasn’t exactly Beth’s responsibility to take him every week.  Trace would have made her do it if I’d presented my case, but I didn’t want to do that.  It just wouldn’t have been fair.

Due to the loss of our special time together, our relationship began to suffer, and the same went for my relationship with Davey.

I found myself coming home to them later and later.  I finally took Trace up on his offer to work on the Trump hotel deal, so after working at Goldman all day I end up at dinner with both both of them.  That meant the boys were left with Lucinda.  I could tell they weren’t happy about it.  She made them dinner and did the basics with them, but that was it.  She didn’t talk to them about how their day went, because that was my job.  But I just...couldn’t seem to fit that into my schedule.  Suddenly, I was drowning in business.  There was so much to be done, so much money to be made, and since...since I had nobody to go home to at night besides the boys, I started to slip.  I started to turn back into that financial robot that I used to be.

But I was so lonely, I just didn’t care.

Danielle came into the picture shortly after our phone call.  We went to dinner, talked, and I realized that she hadn’t changed much since our separation.  She was still all about business, and completely willing to sleep with me.  She wasn’t like the rest of the bimbos I’d been sleeping with, though.  She’d never been that way.  In fact, before Abbey, she was the closest any woman had come to being in a relationship with me.  I was still hollow inside, no matter how many dinners we went on, but I stuck with her, because she wanted to stick with me.  The sex was a little more personal, and I could hold an intelligent conversation with her when I felt like having one.

It took me a few weeks, but I eventually woke up one morning, a naked Danielle at my side, realizing that my life had turned right back into the way it was before Abbey came around.  I didn’t care about anything anymore.  I tried to keep up with the boys but I was starting to like money and sex so much more.  It was awful...

I was going to lose my brothers respect, and trust.  They were already showing me the tell tale signs that they didn’t look up to me as much.  Davey barely spoke to me, and Austin constantly gave me this look like he was disgusted with me.  Sometimes I would bring Danielle over on the weekends, so I could spend time with her and the boys too.  They hated having her around.  They hated watching her kiss my face, rub my leg and hold my hand.  Austin was more obvious about it than Davey, telling her off whenever he could, not listening to her or answering her when she would speak to him.  

She blew it off as nothing.  One day she told me that the boys were more trouble than they were worth, and I should have been looking into sending them away to boarding school.  It makes me sick to my stomach that I considered it for the briefest of seconds.  Then, this funny feeling came over me, telling me that Danielle had to go.  It was weird, even weirder because I listened to it.

I dumped her by phone the next day.  She didn’t understand, called me a fucking coward and every other name under the sun, but I just didn’t care.  When I had a feeling inside of me, no matter how extreme, I usually went with it.  Then I was alone again, completely single.

But I knew it was better for the boys.

I did it for them.

I moved on after that, got completely lost in my work, and by the time the summer started, I was right back into my old mindset.  I was a tyrant again.  I wasn’t kind to my employees anymore.  Some of them were working so much overtime to please me, that I don’t know how they found time to sleep, but I didn't care.  I was putting so much effort into the hotel project, while still maintaining good relationships with our international clients, that I didn’t have any time to think about the people working for me.

Dennis barely made eye contact when he spoke to me.  I think I put the fear of god in him, because I was always yelling at him, always pissed off when something he did wasn’t exactly the way I wanted it.

I was a bastard.

And hell, maybe it’s why this happened.

Maybe I needed a wake up call.

But really, I don’t think it needed to be this extreme.

“Justin.”

I sigh and press my face into Davey’s hair, watching as he continues to play with the Rubix Cube in his hands.  It’s Austin’s, a Christmas gift, but they share it just like any other toy.  “Yeah,” I rasp.

“When is Austin coming back?”

I feel like somebody has punched me in the gut and knocked the wind out of me, and I’ve felt like this for seven days straight.  The pain is worse than it was when I saw Abbey kissing Braeden on the TV, the fact that my brother has been missing for a week literally tearing me apart inside.

It was that same day that I told Austin he couldn’t go to Texas that it happened.  I was at work, immersed in a conversation in German that was about to reach the three hour mark.  They really love me there.  They like to tell me jokes and talk about their families with me more than anything else, and I have to sit there and listen like I really give a shit.  Out of the whole phone call, I think only about forty five minutes was spent discussing their business with the firm.

I think it’s why, when Cheryl burst into my office, I didn’t freak out on her.

“Sir.”

She was breathing harshly, and her eyes were wide.  That set off alarms inside of me. Cheryl was never one to panic, no matter how stressful work seemed to become.  Actually, in all the time she’d been working for me, the only other time I’d seen that look on her face had been when my parents passed. “What?” I mouthed as I continued to listen to my client ramble on in my ear.

“You need to get off the phone.”

I just stared at her.

“Sir,” she said, in a pleading tone.  “Please.”

I told my client I would have to call him back.  He wasn’t pleased with me, but I explained that I had an emergency and of course he would take priority as soon as I was through.

Little did I know, that I would never end up calling him back that day.

“This better be good.” I told her, as I put down the phone.

“Austin is missing.”

I sat up, laughing a little, not sure if I heard her right.  “What about Austin?”

“His teacher just called me.  She said that he never showed up to camp today, and I contacted Quincy.  He said that when he came by to pick Austin up, he wasn’t there.”

My mouth dropped open, and I could feel my heart beginning to thud violently in my chest.  “Why didn’t he call me!”

She bit her bottom lip.  “He’s been trying, sir.  You...you told me no calls.”

I had.  It was my fault.  I put my head in my hands.  “Call the police.”

“They’ve already been informed.  Quincy is coming to pick you up and bring you home.”

“What about Davey?”

r32;“He was dropped off earlier.  He’s at home with Lucinda.”

I got up from my chair and began to pace back and forth.  I knew Austin was mad.  Surely, he’d just run off for the day.  He would come back.  He was old enough to take care of himself...

I wasn’t kidding anybody.  “Oh God...”

I felt dizzy, and faint.  A moment later I felt Cheryl’s arms around me, guiding me over to the sofa in the back of my office.  I sat down, and then...I lost it.  I just cried.  I cried because I didn’t know where my brother was, if he was in trouble, or lost, or hurt.  It was all my fault.  I kept asking myself why I had argued with him, why I couldn’t have sat down with him and talked the situation over.  Why I had started to separate myself from him, and Davey too.

Quincy got me to my building as fast as he could. I was panicking, thinking someone had lied to me, that Davey wouldn’t be there either.  When I walked through my door and he ran into my arms, I picked him up and hugged him harder than I ever had before.  I was so thankful that he was safe, and in that moment I remembered how much I loved my brothers.

But Austin was still missing.  I didn’t know if I was going to be able to get a second chance with him.

The FBI has been camped out at my house for a week, tracking Austin with my debit card.  I only realized it was missing later that first night, after I put Davey to bed.  My bank called me, asking me if I was in New York.  When I said that I was, they told me money had been withdrawn from my account over an hour ago, from an ATM in Pennsylvania.  I immediately grabbed my wallet and checked to ensure the card was in its usual spot.

It was missing.

It told me that Austin had taken it, that he’d been planning on leaving home for weeks.

I couldn’t believe that the little ass had outsmarted me like that.  I wanted to be angry with him, but I was so worried about him that I just couldn’t be.  The FBI had the bank keep the card active so they could try and trace him, and also so he wouldn’t run out of money.  

I knew where he was going, and I told them, but I also said I didn’t want Abbey to be contacted about it.  They thought I was nuts, and I guess I was but...I didn’t want to involve her.  I knew it would just put me under more stress that I couldn’t handle.  I’ve just been here, at home, for a week, praying that they can find my brother before something horrible happens to him.

If...if he doesn’t come home, I’ll never forgive myself.

Trace has been in and out, staying by my side when he can, making sure I eat and making sure Davey is being looked after properly.  We asked Katie if Austin had told her anything about wanting to run away.  She said no, but I know kids.  I know they'll lie to protect each other, at all costs.

“Mr. Timberlake.”

I clear my throat and sniffle as I push Davey further down my lap so I can sit up and look the FBI Agent in the face.  “Yes?”

“Your brother has been found.”

“Jesus...” I trail off and sigh as I rub my face with my hands.  “Thank God.”  

When I get him back, I’m grounding him for the rest of his life.

“Where is he?”

The agent smirks a little, an ‘I told you so’ expression on his face that’s completely pissing me off.  “Texas.”

Another agent comes in and hands me the land line.

I just stare at him for a moment.  “It’s...”r32;

“Yes.”

He pats my shoulder, and leaves me there, alone, with Abbey on the other end of that line.  It’s been nearly seven months without so much as as whisper from her.  How am I supposed to talk to her right now? How?  There’s no choice though.  Austin is with her, and the fact that he’s safe is a miracle.  I can’t be selfish, can’t think about the pain that still lurks inside of me every single day because she’s gone.  I have to think of Austin now, even if I’m completely pissed off at him.  “Abbey?” I say into the phone after another moment.  

“Oh, um, hi Justin...”

She sounds like a wreck.  Like she’s absolutely exhausted, and I don’t know whether its because of Austin, or because of me...

Or because of something else entirely.

“How’s Austin,” I say immediately.

“He’s, he’s okay.  He was hungry and tired but, I made sure he ate, and he's resting in bed now.  I’m...I’m so sorry he did this.  I had no idea that he would.”

“Yeah,” I mutter.  “Well, it’s sort of your fault for putting ideas into his head about visiting you.”

She’s silent.

“I’ll book him a flight.  Get him on the plane in the morning.”

I’m about to hang up, but then I hear her scoff.  “You’re fucking serious right now?”

“Did I stutter?”

“He’s been traveling across the country for a week, Justin! He’s tired, and hungry and hell...he wants to see me.”

“I don’t care.” I say it darkly, even though deep down my emotions are pleading with me to be nicer, because...because I know I still have feelings for her.

But I won’t subject myself to that kind of pain.

“He doesn’t even want to be around you right now, don’t you get it?  I’m not putting him on a plane tomorrow morning just so he can run right back to me again!”

“You really think I’d let him?”

“What are you going to do, Justin?” She says, smartly.  “Lock him in his room?”r32;

“For starters.”

“You’re an idiot.”

I already knew that.  “Just do it, all right?”r32;

“No.  If you care about him so much, you come out here and talk some sense into him, before he runs away from me too and we never see him again.”

“You can’t keep him from me,” I snap.  “You have no legal right to him.”

“You’re right, I don’t.  But nothing in the law books says that I’m bound to provide him transportation to the airport either.  Do you really want me to wake him up so he can spend the night at the police station?”

I don’t.  I know he’d freak out.  The truth is, he’ll be a lot better off with Abbey, and I hate that so much.  I hate that I’m considering flying out to Texas tomorrow morning to retrieve my brother.

I mean, Christ, she’s on the other side of the country, and she's still managing to tell me what to do.

“You sure you can handle him the whole night with all that romance you have going on with solider boy?” I say smugly.

“He’s my husband now,” she tosses out.  “And I can handle Austin, just like I always have in the past.”

I’m literally floored.

“See you tomorrow, I guess," she continues.  "Oh, and by the way, you’re welcome.”

The line goes dead.

I put the phone down beside me, staring off into the distance for a moment, not being able to believe any of this.  Austin is in Texas, safe, but he completely resents me...

And Abbey is married now.

Abbey is married.

I feel my heart hit the bottom of my stomach.  I never thought she’d actually go through with it.  Part of me thought that just maybe, she’d wait for me to come around.

But Abbey was never that weak.

“That was Abbey!” Davey says, jumping on my chest, taking me by surprise.  “Is Austin with her?”  He pushes me back down onto the couch and laughs in my face.  

“Whoa, easy...” I laugh a little and lace my fingers through his.  “Yeah, Austin is with Abbey.”

“So are we going to see her? Are we?”

He’s jumping up and down a little bit as he crouches on top of me.  I see that sparkle in his eyes, the one he used to have before Abbey left and I became an asshole again.  “Yeah. We are, buddy.”

I call Cheryl and tell her to book the earliest flight she can for tomorrow morning.  I make it private, just so nobody will be able to look at me as I cower in my seat and contemplate the worst reunion of my lifetime.

“Justin,” Davey says softly.  

“Yeah?”r32;

“Can you make Abbey come back and love us again?”

I close my eyes and let out a long sigh.  “I don’t know buddy.  I-I don't think so."

He cocks his head to the side, as if he doesn't understand.  “Don't you want her to?”

I lick my lips, and don’t have to think about the question for more than half a second before I answer him.  “More than anything.”

"Then you should tell her." He grins his famous grin.  "You should give her another ring present.  She liked the last one!"

I wish our problems could be fixed with a simple gift.   "I don't think a present is going to fix the problem, Davey." I stroke his hair softly.  "I wish it could."

"I'll make her a present." He promises me.  "Then she'll come back."

He races away, nearly banging into the FBI agents that are still milling around my house, determined to make everything right again.  i wish i could trade places with him, just for a little while.  To feel that carefree again would be a miracle.

But i can't be carefree.  Not when I'm going to have to face her tomorrow, knowing that she's married, and that I can never love her again.  

I have no clue what the fuck I'm supposed to do.