7:05 am

I should have been back in my penthouse late last night, going over paperwork and preparing myself for the next day.  Hell, I was even considering giving Trace a call before I called it a night.

But I’m not there.

I’m here, at the fuckin’ Hilton Garden Inn, lying awake after a night of no sleep, trying to think of the reason I really decided to stay here and not go home.  I keep telling myself it’s for the boys, that they need time...

But I know that’s not the whole reason.

Hell, it’s not even half the reason.

I was so angry the whole plane ride into Texas, so angry the whole limo ride to her place, and so angry the moment I set eyes on her and that fucking idiot she married.  I wanted to punch the guy, and I could tell he wanted to do the same to me, but then Abbey got him to leave, and I calmed down right away.

At least until I talked to my brother.

“Why’d you do this?”

He sat on the edge of the bed as I stood before him, hands on my hips, and what I knew was a scowl on my face.

“I wanted Abbey.”

“I told you no.”

“I don’t care!” He yelled at me and crossed his arms.  “You only care about yourself!”

“Oh really? You wouldn’t have a God damn roof over your head if it wasn't for me!”

“Good! I’d rather live outside! I could build a fort with Davey and we would be okay!”

Normally I could deal with Austin’s overactive imagination.  It was what made him so good at theater and music, and when Abbey was around, it actually made me smile a little.  But that day I wasn’t in the mood.  He was being unrealistic and completely immature.  

I snapped.

“We’re leaving.”  I went to grab him.

He ducked and ran around to the other side of me.  He was going for the closed door, but I beat him to it.  “Now, Austin.”

I gripped his upper arm tightly and opened the door.  Naturally, he started to scream his head off as I dragged him through the house, but I wasn’t about to give in.  I was determined to get out of there with both of my brothers, and forget about Abbey Feldman once and for all.  I finally got Austin in the car, but Davey decided to be difficult long enough to allow her to speak to me for the first time in months.  It caused me to listen to her, and much to my surprise, I started to tell her how angry she made me feel...how hard it was for me to stand in front of her like that.

Then something inside of me made me want to reach out and touch her.

I did it.  I did it and I could feel something spark inside of me once my fingers touched the smooth skin on her face.  It was something only she could bring out inside of me. Something that nobody else would ever be able to.

But I snatched my hand away, afraid of what I would do if I allowed myself to continue.

“Take care, huh?”

It was all I could say.  I wanted to say more, like...that I loved her, even if she couldn’t love me.  But I had too much pride.

It’s true though.  I know it even more now that I’ve become trapped here in Texas and given myself an entire night of lying awake with her in my thoughts.

I never fell out of love with her.  In all this time, I’ve just been lying to myself, and made myself miserable because of that.

I was almost out of here...I was so damn close.  The limo was racing down the highway towards the airport, and I was going through my Blackberry, resolving a few work issues that I felt couldn’t wait.  I was going to be okay.  I was convincing myself of that.  Work was already taking my mind off of Abbey and the fact that both of my brothers were sitting miserably at my side.  I was going home, going to move on with my life again...

The only problem was, Austin seemed determined not to let me get that far.

“I have to go to the bathroom.”

I didn’t look up from my Blackberry.  “You can hold it until we get to the airport.”

“No. I gotta go now.”

This time I glanced at him.  “Hold it.  You’re old enough.”

“I’m gonna pee my pants!”  Austin wriggled and squirmed in his seat, making sure to hold himself for added measure.

Davey squealed with laughter, and all I could do was groan harshly.  It meant we would be off schedule, and I really didn’t want to be.  “Fine.  Hey, we need to use the rest stop,” I called up to the driver.  “The next one you see.”

My request was met about ten minutes later as we pulled into dingy gas station off the highway.  Ken’s Gas n’ Grub.  It reminded me of Memphis immediately, and all I wanted to do was get the hell out of there as soon as I could.  “C’mon.”  I said, once the door was opened for us.  I yanked Austin out of the car, telling the driver to stay with Davey so he wouldn’t run off.  We went inside and got the key to the bathrooms, and I made sure to maintain a firm grip on my brothers arm as I led him over to them.  “Just...try not to touch anything,” I sneered as I unlocked the door for him.

Austin just glared at me, and went inside, making sure to pull the door closed behind him.

I stood outside the men’s room for ten minutes, figuring he must have been doing number two.  But when that ten minutes turned into twenty, I finally knocked on the door.  “Austin, let’s go.”

There was no answer.

I banged on the door again.  “Austin!”

Still, there was no answer.

Worried, I thrust the key into the lock and opened the door again.  My eyes went wide as they darted to the small window in the back of the bathroom.  It was wide open, and just big enough for a kid his size to crawl through.

He was gone...again.

I punched the door, and grimaced because it hurt so much.  I clutched my hand and swore loudly, the fact that Austin had done that right under my nose, pissing me off more than anything else had the whole day.  “Austin!” I yelled.

No answer.

I rushed inside the gas station, panicked, asking the man at the counter if he’d seen my brother.  He shook his head no, the look on his face telling me he thought I was fucking nuts.  Hell, I must have looked it, the way I was panicking and trying to hold my tears back from the guy.   I ran out of there after that, jumped back into the limo and yelled at the driver to turn back down the road so we could find Austin.

We weren’t even half a mile out before I spotted him at the side of the road, thumb out, trying to hitch a ride, most likely right back to Abbey.  The limo skidded to a stop just feet in front of him, and I was in such a rage that I barely watched out for traffic as I swung the door open and got out of the car.  A horn blared loudly as I did it, nearly side swiping me and taking the door off, before I ducked back in and closed the door part way.  Then I was more than just enraged.  “Are you fucking crazy!” I yelled it at him once the coast was clear and I was able to get out of the car.  I slammed the door behind me.  “What are you doing!”

“I’m not going with you!” He yelled, and took a few steps down the road, extending his arm out even further when the next car came roaring by.  “I’m staying here with Abbey!”

“Abbey doesn’t want you!” I yelled back as I made my way closer to him.  “Don’t you know that!  She’s done! She’s moved on!”

“Yes she does!  She love us...all of us...even you!” He was sobbing now.  “You’re just mad because you messed up everything! Why did you tell her to leave! Why didn’t you make up with her!”

“Because...I...I...I DON’T KNOW!”

His hitching arm dropped down at his side, and he stared at me, his eyes wide because I’d yelled in such a way that I probably scared the shit out of him.

“We have to go,” I finally said.  “Right now.”

“I’m not going! If you...if you take me back, I’ll run away again!  I will!”

I knew he wasn’t kidding.  That was the thing with Austin...he was just like me.  If he didn’t like how something was going, or what somebody told him he had to do, he took matters into his own hands and figured out another way to handle the situation.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle him running off all the time, and if something were to happen to him, something bad, I knew I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself either.  It sucked, he was thirteen years old, and I had no choice but to give into his demands.  “What do you want me to do, Austin?”

“I want to stay here,” he muttered.  

So we did.

I found the nicest hotel that I could.  Since we’re not near any of the major Texas cities though, it wasn’t exactly easy.  The closest five star hotel was over two hours away, and I didn’t feel like making the trip.  We stopped and asked for directions at another rest stop, and the clerk told me that the Hilton was ‘awful nice.’  The rooms here at tiny, but it’s clean and the staff seems to be okay.  I got two rooms.  One for me and one for the boys.  They have a video game console, and I listened to them through the connecting door for most of the afternoon as I stared up at the ceiling.  They were bantering like always, but I knew that Austin was taking care of his brother.

He always took care of him, it seemed, ever since Abbey left.

I look at the clock again.

7:45

I ordered in room service for all of us last night.  The boys ate in their room and I ate alone in mine.  It sucked.  I wanted to be back in the city, eating at my favorite restaurant with Trace as we talked over business.   

I’m praying that today I’ll be able to convince Austin to cooperate somehow.  I’ve been going over a million ideas in my head.  A million different ways I can bribe him.  But the thing about Austin is, he’s not a needy kid.  He values love and family more than he does material possessions.  It’s strange for a kid his age to act like this, but at the same time I know it’s because our parents died and he didn’t have much time to grieve about it.  Abbey saved him in a way, made him a better person.

It’s no wonder he can’t live without her.

My phone buzzes beside me, and pick it up to find that I have a text message from Trace.

Hey, how did it go? Did you get Austin? Are you on your way back?

I let out a long sigh.  He’s not going to like my answer, and I know it, but there’s nothing I can do to change things at the moment.

Terrible.  Austin’s with me, but there’s some complications.  I might be a few more days, but I’m not sure.

A few more days? Did Abbey get to you?

Of course I know the truth, but I decide to lie to him to protect my dignity.  No.

My phone starts to ring.  I know it’s him so I don’t bother to look at the ID.  “Timberlake.”

“Don’t Timberlake me, you asswipe.”

“Trace...”r32;

“What happened, J?”

“Nothin’...”  I trail off and rub my face with my free hand.  “Austin needs some time to calm down, that’s all.  If I drag him back to New York he might run off again.”

“It’s called control,” he laughs.  “Ever heard of it?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Of course it is, but this isn’t even about Austin, is it?”

“What else would it be about?”

“C’mon,” he scoffs.  “Are you really going to try and bullshit me right now?”

“There’s nothing going on...”

“Whatever man,” he sighs.  “If you’re gonna lie to me, I’m not gonna bother you.”

He’s about to hang up, and I almost want to let him, but at the same time he’s my best friend in the world, and I need advice right now.  Any type of advice.  “Trace...wait a sec.”

“What now?”

“Can I...can I ask you something?”

I hear him sigh heavily and it takes him another few moments to finally answer me.  “Depends what it is.”

“It’s about Abbey.”

He groans miserably.

“Trace, come on.  Please?”

“Ask fast before I change my mind.”

I don’t want to ask him, but...I just have to know.  It’s important to me, the truth, because I value his opinion even if things have been rocky in our friendship this year.  “What did you ever have against Abbey?”

“God, Justin...do you have to go there?”r32;

“Yeah.  I do.”

“She just...distracted you so much from what we were doing. You changed so much after you started getting with her, and then...then you formed this relationship with her...”

“I fell in love with her, Trace,” I whisper.

“It was weird.  I never saw it coming,” he admits.  “I guess...I guess it wasn’t anything that she did.  It was just the whole situation, and then when she came to visit me in jail...it was even fucking weirder.  I could never look at her the same after that.  I didn’t know what to think about her.  The whole time I felt like she stole my best friend from me and then...it was like, wow, she gives a damn about me.  I didn’t know how to act around her once I was out.  It was weird, you know? I never...I never resented her though.”

“You didn’t?”

“No I...I guess I always thought she was the right girl for you once you started getting serious.”

I hate that he held that all in for so long.  If I’d known, if he made a little effort to tell me his true feelings about her, maybe it would have helped me.  Maybe it would have made me realize how special Abbey was and that we should talk before she walked out of my life.  I can’t blame Trace of course.  He was a mess for a long time.  “What about now?”

“You’re asking me if I think you should fight for her, right?”

I feel so stupid right now.  “Yeah, I guess.”

He laughs, long and hard.

I want to crawl into a hole and die.

“Justin, you already know that you love her.  Hell, you’ve been a fucking mess for months.  It doesn’t matter what I think.  You don’t need my blessing.  Just...go for it, if that’s the way you want your life to be.”

“She got married.”

“No fucking way.”

“Yeah,” I laugh sadly.  “To that guy she was kissing.”

“And you still love her?”

I sigh.  “Yeah.  Stupid right?”

“No,” he says it softly, as if he really cares.  “She’s the stupid one if she doesn’t realize how much you’re sacrificing to save the relationship.  If you want to be with her Justin...try your best to be with her, but you gotta be prepared for her to turn you down.  You have to walk away from her if she does, you know that right?”

It’s probably the best advice I could get from him regarding Abbey, and I’m thankful that he got himself together enough to even have this conversation with me.  “Yeah, I know.”

“Let me know how everything goes, all right? Take your time...I’ll make sure Dennis has everything under control.”

“Yeah...all right.”r32;

“I’ll talk to you.”

“Trace,” I blurt out before he can hang up.  

“Yeah?” He laughs.

“Thanks.  For everything.”

“I hope you get your wish, Justin.”  He says it quietly, and then the line clicks off.

I stare back at the phone, wondering what the hell my next move should be. I must be crazy.  I mean, I’m going to chase after a married woman?  It’ll never work.  I’m not that slick, not that charming.  My money can’t buy Abbey’s love.  That’s something I have to earn, that I had earned once upon a time.

Oh fuck, what do I do?

I pull up her home phone number.  The police gave it to me before I flew out to get Austin.  I stare at it, debating what I should do, if it’s worth it, if she loves me enough to give me a chance.  

I send the call through.

One ring.

Two rings

Three rin...

“Hello?”

It’s her.  I sit up in bed, completely at a loss for words.

“Hell-lo?”

“Um, Ab...”

“Who’s this?”

“It’s...it’s me.”

“Justin?”  Her voice goes down into a low whisper.

She must not be alone.

“Yeah.”

“Are the boys okay?”

I get up from the bed and begin to pace back at forth across the hotel room, feeling the smile pulling at my lips by just hearing the sound of her voice.  “Yeah, they’re fine right now.”

“Oh...well, did you get back home okay?”

I chuckle a little.  “Well...I didn’t exactly make it...back home.”

“What?”

“I...I’m still in town, a few miles from you, actually.”

She’s silent for a very long moment.  I know she’s trying to process all of this, and I’m sure she’s very confused as to why I wouldn’t have flown right back to the city.

“Why?” She finally says.

“I have a very stubborn brother,” I laugh.

She doesn’t.  “Do you want me to talk to Austin?”

“No.  I want to take you to dinner.”

I say it so fast that I can’t stop myself, and I whack my hand on my forehead, close my eyes, and curse under my breath.

“Justin...” she trails off for a moment.  “Have you...have you lost your damn mind?”

“Yeah.” I let out a strange little laugh.  “Probably.”

“Are you sure the boys are okay?”

“God, yeah,” I sigh.  “They’re still sleeping.  I just...I wanted to ask you to dinner, that’s all.”

“Justin...I...I’m married.”

“It’s just dinner.”

“I can’t.”

“Lunch then,” I persist, knowing I’m pushing my luck.

She’s never coming back to me.  She’s going to stay married to that guy and live happily ever after.

At least, I think she’ll be happy.

But I just can’t be sure.  There was a despondence in her eyes when I stared into them yesterday afternoon.  It was like, she was so empty inside, so lonely, so unhappy.  I want to find out what’s going on, and if nothing else, make sure that she’s going to be okay.

I love her too much to let her ruin her life.

“I...I dunno, Justin...”

“I owe you.  You helped Austin, and I acted like a prick.”

“True...”

“So lunch then?” I say, brightly.

“I can give you a couple of hours, I guess...but we have to be back before three.  Braeden can’t know about this.”

I smirk a little.  “Done.  I’ll pick you up.”

“Fine.”

“See you around noon then?”r32;

“I guess so, yeah.”

“Great.”

I start to hang up, but then I hear her call back to me and I immediately press the phone back to my ear.  “Yeah, Ab?”

“Do me a favor and lose the limo, okay?”

I chuckle.  “Done.”

I hang up, stare at the ceiling and start to wonder if I’m making a huge fucking mistake.

Christ, I hope this works.