It’s almost like I remember it...being here tonight. The moon is shining down on the water, and the sky is filled with a billion gleaming stars. It’s quieter of course. There’s no street festival to entertain us, and it’s much colder. It’s still taking me back though. Taking me back to that first night I cracked, took her to dinner, and wound up sitting here, on this very bench. I think about the person I was then. How big of an ego I had, how selfish and greedy I could be, and how I tried so hard to protect myself from the rest of the world because I was terrified of what it could do to me.
I remember how she broke me down in that one moment as we sat here gazing out at the water. I remember thinking how beautiful she was, how...she could peel back all of my protective layers, see deep down into me, and know exactly how I felt about...about everything that had happened in my life. I took a chance that night. I put my emotions on the line, and I kissed her.
That kiss was like magic.
That kiss...changed my life.
I couldn’t turn back after that. I was addicted to her, completely, and it only got worse.
But now we’re here in this same spot, barely speaking, all because of my stupidity and the confusion that Braeden caused when he suddenly returned home alive.
I know I still love her, even though I said so many things to make her think otherwise. I know she misses me too. She misses just...being with me, doing things like this with me.
But does she love me anymore?
I wish I could say yes.
But I’m really unsure of the answer.
She’s shivering, and I quickly remove my jacket. “Here.”
She waves me away. “I’m okay.”
“You’ll catch a cold. It’s November.”
She looks at me. She’s shocked that we’re even here right now, and I know if she could...she’d run, get a taxi and go home.
But a part of her won’t let her do that. A part of her, I know, is pleading with her to stay here with me and...just try. Try to come to terms with our relationship. Decide if it’s worth saving.
I wish she wasn’t so terrified of me.
I wish I’d been a little smarter, a little more compassionate.
But I can’t change the past, and I wish she would realize that.
“C’mon,” I whisper.
She stares at me for a moment, before sighing heavily and sliding just slightly closer to me on the bench. I slowly remove my jacket, and gently place it around her shoulders, being careful not to touch her skin, or any other part of her that will push her further away from me. She pulls the coat over herself, and I see her eyes close for a moment. She takes a breath. She smells the familiarness of me. It’s a comforting thing to her...even now.
“Abbey.”
She just nods.
“Can I talk to you now?”
“You act like we never talk,” she says a few moments later.
“We don’t. Not about us.”
“It’s better that way, don’t you think?”
I’m silent, unsure of what to say for a while, before I decide to go with my gut and speak from the heart, like she’s done so many times before with me, even though I didn’t want to listen. “No. I think...I think avoiding...us, because you’re afraid, is fucking stupid.”
She glares at me. “If you’re just going to berate me...”r32;
“Why are you afraid of me, Abbey?”
“I’m not.”
“Yeah you are,” I laugh softly. “You avoid me like the plague, unless it has to do with the boys. I mean, we can’t even go to dinner. You just...run away and hide, every time I bring it up.”
“How can you expect me to be in a relationship with you?” Her eyes are filled with tears now. “I...I can’t. I can’t do it, because I’ll just fuck it up, or you’ll realize I’m not worth it...” She shakes her head. “I can’t go through that again, Justin. I can’t lose you again.”
I close my eyes, feeling my face turning red as my nostrils flair. I’m so disappointed in myself. I didn’t think, I let her down, and she ran off and married that guy because of it. Of course it didn’t work, and I was there for her because Austin forced me to be, but...it didn’t make up for what I said. I don’t think anything ever could. “So I’ll make a deal with you.”
She just stares at me this time.
“I’ll ask you a question, and if you say no...that’s it. I’ll leave you alone. You can see the boys like you do now, and that will be it. I’ll drop this whole thing, and we can move on.”
“Justin...it’s...nothing is that easy.”
I shrug. “Why? It’s simple, Ab. One question, no strings attached. Whatever you say, I’ll go with it. I’m...prepared, I guess. You’ve taught me to handle things...in my life. Even something as hard as losing you.”
She looks down at the ground, and whimpers a little bit.
“Ab.”
She seems to force herself to look me in the eye, and I slide myself closer to her, cupping her face in my hand. “Abbey, do you love me?”
“God...” she croaks, but doesn’t pull away from my touch. “Justin...I...Justin...”
I feel my emotions give way, completely. I can feel the hot tears crawling down my face, and I hate it...I hate being this weak in front of her, but I can’t help it. Abbey is the love of my life, and no matter what her answer is, I know a part of me will never be able to let go of her completely. “Just tell me, Ab. Please.”
“I want to love you. I...I just...I don’t know if can.”
I shake my head gently. “I would...I would never hurt you again...like I did before you left. I should have cherished you, but I...I got lost, Abbey. You know how I am, you’ve always known and...when Braeden came home I couldn’t handle it. I thought I lost you the second you got the call, and I closed myself off. I was an idiot, I know I was. But...letting you go right now, isn’t an option.”
She searches my eyes for a long time, trying to find the truth in what I’ve told her. I don’t know what else to do to make it clearer to her. It’s crazy that she doesn’t realize how much she’s changed me...my entire life. I love her so much, and...I just can’t help myself.
So I kiss her, fully expecting her to slap me.
But she doesn’t.
She pulls my face closer as my lips linger against hers, taking me in with every emotion inside of her. She’s longed for this again, for my touch, to feel me right next to her, holding her. I never want this moment to end.
But it has to.
So I decide to ask her the question one more time.
“Do you love me?” I whisper it when I stop kissing her, pressing my forehead to hers, my eyes closed, waiting for her to give me an answer.
Any answer.
Even if it’s not what I want to hear.
“I love you.”
My eyes open. She’s sobbing, but I don’t even care. She said it. She said it in that voice I remember. The genuine one. The one I always longed to hear morning noon and night when we were together almost a year ago. “Then...come back to me. We need you Ab. You already know how much the boys do...and, I know that I can’t live without you. I’m tired of going on pointless dates with random women, hoping that I’ll find somebody like you. The truth...the truth is, there is nobody like you Ab, and I’m not myself unless you’re around. You’re the only person...the only person who has ever, ever given a damn. You’re patient and...you let me know when I’m wrong, and I know that...I’m wrong most of the time,” I laugh lightly. “I need you Abbey...so damn bad.”
She smiles.
It’s been so long since I’ve seen her smile like that.
“You did it,” she whispers.
I blink my tears away. “What?”
“You came back to me. That’s you, Justin. That’s the guy I fell in love with.” She puts her hand against my chest. “The one in here. Not the one at the office.”
I sob, and put my arms around her. Then I’m crying into her, so hard, so heavy. She’s here...with me, and this version of me is the only one she wants to love.
I have to do...something...
I must be crazy.
But fuck, I’m in love.
“Maybe...maybe I’ll resign,” I finally say, once I’m calm enough.
She cocks her head to the side. “What?”
“Maybe it’s time.” I nod. “Maybe it’s time for me to...to just be about us, and not about business anymore.”
“Justin you can’t. I can handle it...you working. I always have.”r32;
“But I can’t,” I whisper. “Ab, I want...I want us to have a life. A real life.”
She stares at me, long and hard. “You’re serious.”
“I...” I look down at my lap for a moment before meeting her gaze again. “I think I am.”
“You’re willing to give it all up? The money and the status? Justin, I know I hate your career sometimes, but you’ve worked so hard and overcome the impossible to get where you are. You can’t just...throw it all away.”
“I’ll always have money, Abbey, and I could give a shit about status. I’m sick of it. I’m burned out. I’m sick of not being there for the boys when they need me, and I’m sick of not knowing when I’ll get to spend time with you. I...I want to do this. I want to settle down, and I want the boys to have a more stable life.” I smile a little bit, and caress her face with my hand. “What do you think?”
She leans in and gives me a soft kiss. “I think it’s...it’s the best decision you can make for the sake of all of us, Justin. And if it makes you happy too, I’ll stand by it.” She squeezes my hand. “I love you.”
I lick my lips and smile, even though I’m sobbing.
Again, maybe I’m crazy.
But I just...I just know this is the right thing for me, for all of us, even if it’s sudden. Even if she just got out of it. Even if I said I’d never, ever do it. That I didn’t think I believed in it. None of that matters anymore.
The only thing that matters, is us, and I know I love her enough to put my fears aside and commit to her, for good.
“Then...will you do something for me?”
She smiles softly. “I guess I owe you.”
I smile and run my hand through her hair gently for a moment, before finally asking her the question that’s burning inside of me. “Marry me?”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Okay so I don't know how some of you are going to feel about this chapter. The way it ends was sort of sporatic, but I really feel it's where the story should go. Although, there's more to it. I think there's only three or four chapters left, so...yeah, I'm getting real emotional. I love this story! Thanks for reading!
Story Tags: triangles justinandtrace executivej
