Most guys in my position would be overwhelmed, and hell, I guess I might be, but I’m good at keeping my emotions under control.  Having the career I do has taught me a lot, but the most important thing I’ve taken from my Wall Street experience is learning how to divide my time, and keep my cool in the most stressful of situations.  Having kids is no joke, I know that, and everybody I’ve talked to about the situation has told me the same thing.  ‘You’re in for the ride of your life, Timberlake,’ they say.

I know I am.

But at the same time, I wouldn’t give this up for anything.  I feel so blessed to have the life that I do, that I was able to adopt my brothers, and that I’ll always be able to take care of them.  But most of all, I feel blessed to have Abbey in my life, after so much hardship, and pain.  We’ve made it.  We’re here, on the brink of our future, waiting for it to begin.

I can’t wait.  I can’t wait to marry her, have my children with her, and love her for the rest of my life.

Like I’ve said before, I’m a big sap now, a big old pushover when it comes to my family.  Nothing they ask of me is too much, and everything they do makes me smile like I’ve just received a huge bonus at work.  I love them more than money.  I love them more than anything in this world.  While I’m sure being a father to four kids will have its downfalls, and frustrations, I know I’m ready to take it all on.  Abbey and I are a team, and we’ll get through the late night feedings, the weeks of no sleep, and everything else that comes with having twins.

Twins.

I mean, damn, I’m still not over the shock of it, and I wish we could have been a little more prepared, but that little guy...he wanted to play games and hide out on us.  Now I feel like Abbey and I are scrambling to prepare for two babies.  Originally we weren’t going to make a full nursery, because I knew we would be moving early next year, and there would be no point remodeling.  Instead, we were going to put a crib in the bedroom and tend to the baby that way.  But after much discussion after the ultrasound, we decided that we can’t have two babies sleeping in the bedroom with us.  It’s big enough, yeah, but we’d never be able to sleep.  I’ve hired a couple of contractors and an interior designer to get a nursery completed before the birth.  It’s given me a little peace of mind, and Abbey gets excited more everyday when they show her something new they’ve added to the room.  

Kimberly has been great too.  She’s become an asset in our lives, and our bond is getting stronger all the time.  I flew her out here a few weeks ago to help out.  I thought we would be tearing each other apart by now, but surprisingly enough, we get along really well. The boys have been happier because of her presence, too.  She gives them that sense of home and family that I know they’ve both missed, and I wish...I wish I hadn’t been so arrogant in the beginning.  I wish I could have seen things from her point of view.  Of course, that’s in the past now.  I can’t change that, but I can move forward, and build a future with her.  That’s what I’m doing, and I’m not going to stop either.  In fact, once I make a firm decision on where I want to start my business, I have every intention on getting her a place near us, so she can visit whenever she wants to.  She and Abbey get along so well now, that I know they wouldn’t mind seeing each other all the time.  It’ll be good I think...

It’ll be like having momma back, in a small way.

Abbey’s family has been supportive as well.  Her dad has always been cool.  We sat down a couple of days after he arrived here, and talked for a long time.  Abbey means so much to him, and his main concern was for her happiness.  He told me he liked me, but that a part of him still felt she was rushing things with me.  I reassured him that she wasn’t, that Abbey was happy, that we were in love and couldn’t wait to start our family.  He seemed to believe me, because he hugged me quickly and gave me a hard pat on the back after that, calling me a “good man.”  I told Abbey.  She smiled so wide, and I knew she was reassured that he accepted us and our babies.

Her mother has started warming up to me little by little.  I’m hoping by the time we’re married, she’ll treat me like a regular member of the human race.  It’s not so much that she doesn’t like me now, I think it’s more that she’s overwhelmed with the way I live.  I guess I should have expected it.  They’ve been staying in the royal suites at the Plaza Hotel.  I can’t remember much it costs to stay there.  The cost has been included in our wedding bill, but I know it’s definitely more than they’re used to.  Her father has seemed to go with the flow, Hannah too, but her mom is kind of awestruck with all the things I’ve been giving them. It’s kind of cute, actually.  The look on her face reminds me of Abbey’s when she really surprised or excited.

She keeps asking me how much it’s costing to put them up in those rooms, tells me that it has to be too much and they’d be fine staying at the Holiday Inn or the Marriot.  I scoff at that kind of crap.  They’re family...my family now.  Timberlakes get the best.  I told her that.  She rolled her eyes and told me I was ridiculous, but I could see the tiniest hint of a smile on her face.

I knew that tiny smile.

Abbey had shown me the same one from time to time, and I knew...I knew that Andrea had grown a soft spot for me.  

Hell, she might even love me, and that’s fine, because I love her like I’ve known her for years.  I want to, because she’s going to be my mother in law, the grandmother of my children...the only one they will ever know, and I want to have a good relationship with her because of that.  I think she gets it. She knows about my parents, and I think it’s made her a little bit more aware of how important her and her husband’s roles are in our lives.

Hannah is important too of course.  She’s like the little sister I’ve never had, and I’m glad that we’ve finally been able to hang out more without being crucified by Andrea.  Since she’s been here, I’ve taken some time out of my hectic days to show her around the city a little bit.  Abbey and the boys came with us the first time, but after that...it was just me and her.  We took a couple of afternoons and I showed her Wall Street, the Natural History Museum, and the Modern Art Museum, acting like a dork and explaining everything I knew about art and history to her whenever I got the chance.  She seemed to dig it actually.  She’s very intellectual, book smart, wants to be an archeologist, even though she told me it probably isn’t a realistic idea.  I told her that she can be anything she wants to be, because I’d built my career and fortune out of a hundred dollars and a job waiting tables.  She has a dream college in mind, a place that specializes in the things she loves, and she’s been accepted.  There’s no scholarship available to her though, and she told me that her parents would never be able to afford the tuition.

I haven’t said anything yet of course, but I’m determined to pay her way through college, so she can go to the school of her choice.  It’s important, and part of me still wishes I could have gone, but that wasn’t in the cards for me.  I was fortunate to meet Trace, who was brilliant and taught me everything I knew, showed me I had a great mind before it went to waste.  Lately, I feel I was given all this fortune to do some good deeds.  I was selfish for too long, and it’s time to repay fate for everything I’ve been given.

We bonded so much that she felt she could talk to me by the end of that first week, like a sister would talk to a brother.  I wasn’t expecting it.  Braeden was the furthest thing from my mind, and the last person I wanted to think about so close to my wedding and the birth of my children, but that day...Hannah seemed to have something weighing her down, and with her parents and Abbey preoccupied with so much, I felt like it was my duty to try and talk to her.  I knew it would reassure Abbey...

But I sort of wish I hadn’t tried so hard now.

“What’s up?”  We were at Serendipity, nursing a couple of hot cocoas.  “You seem stressed.”

She shrugged as she stirred her cocoa around with her spoon.  “It’s...it’s nothing.”

“C’mon.” I smiled for her.  “You can tell me.  I know everybody else is kind of preoccupied.”

“It’s just...Mark,” she sighed.  “He’s a mess.”

I’d only said hello to him once or twice, despite the fact he’d been staying with Abbey’s family.  It was slightly awkward for her and I...having him around, but at the same time we knew that he was Hannah’s boyfriend and we weren’t about to deny her access to him during such a critical family time.  He kept to himself mostly, so I let his presence go.  But then, in that moment, I knew I couldn’t anymore.  “He’s pretty quiet.”

“He doesn’t want to be here.”  She paused and rubbed her face with her hands.  “I just...I forced him to come because...because things have been so bad at home for him, and I didn’t know what he would do if I left him alone with his parents.”

“Because of Braeden?”

She looked back up at me then, her eyes filled with tears.  “Y-yeah.”

I licked my lips nervously.  “How’s all that going anyway...with him?”

“I’m not supposed...supposed to say anything.  My parents don’t even know.”

I knew it was really bad, whatever it was.  It was bringing Mark down, and because of that, it was turning Hannah into a mess.  By that point I loved her so much, that I would have done anything to make her okay again, and I knew my duty was to suck up my feelings about Braeden and listen to her.  “You can tell me,” I told her.  “It’ll stay between us.”

I wish I hadn’t said that, because it’s been killing me inside, knowing what I know, ever since.  I can’t bring myself to tell Abbey.  I have know idea what she would do.  It’s not that I’m afraid she would leave me...I’m just afraid that it would stress her out, and put strain on the babies.  

“He...Braeden...he sort of lost it a few months back,” she sobbed.  “He pushed his mother through a glass door.  She got hurt really bad, and then...then he tried to kill himself.”

I had to take a long breath, knowing how close Abbey had probably come to being the one who got hurt like Barbara did.  I thanked God that it hadn’t happened to my fiance, but at the same time, I felt horrible that it happened to anybody.  I thought Braeden would have been better after he hit Abbey, gotten himself some help, but all he seemed to do was plummet even further downhill.

I felt a little responsible.  Responsible because he’d broken down and did what was best for Abbey, and I hadn’t stuck around long enough to make sure he would be okay after she was gone.

“Jesus.”

“He’s...he’s okay but...but his parents won’t speak to him, and they won’t allow Mark to either. I know they had a phone call, and then I snuck a letter in the mail that Mark wrote to him, and he one wrote back, but they haven’t spoken since.  This has been so hard on both of them.  I mean, we all just got Braeden back, you know?  Then this all happened.  I mean, I’m happy for you and Abbey.  You guys belong together, but...Braeden...it’s like he hasn’t had a chance to be happy, at all.”

I nodded.  

I felt like I needed to do something for the guy, to repay him for manning up, and realizing what Abbey and I shared was special.  But...there was so much going on in my own life, and Abbey...I knew if I told her then, she would have been so confused.

I felt like my hands were tied, that there wasn’t a thing I could do.  It made me feel like shit, but at the same time, I knew I couldn’t dwell on it for long.  I had more pressing issues to deal with.  “Could you do me a favor, and not tell Abbey about this right away?”

“I wasn’t going to tell her at all.  I...I know what would happen.  She would want to go see him.”

She was right, but that idea didn’t scare me.  I knew that no matter what, Abbey and I loved each other.  She wasn’t going to leave me again, and I wasn’t going to let her go.  Braeden was out of the picture as far as romance went, and I knew I was mature enough to eventually handle a friendship between Braeden and Abbey.  “If she needs to see him, I’ll stand by her,” I promised.  “You don’t have to worry about it, Hannah.”

She whimpered a little.  “I just wish that Mark could see him.  That’s all he wants.  He barely got to spend any time with Braeden when he came home.”

I stared at her for a long while after that.  “Maybe he can, soon.”

“How?”

“After all this wedding stuff dies down, I’ll set it up.”

“But his parents...”

“Leave that part to me,” I smirked and reached out for one of her hands.  “They don’t need to know what’s really going on.”

“Why...why would you do that?”

“Let’s just say I owe the guy a favor.”

She smiled a bit, and once we finished our drinks she hugged me a for a long time.  I hugged her back, stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, promising her I would make things right, and that she could always count on me.  She was happier after that, a lot more carefree, and I knew she would be able to get through the wedding without seeming too stressed out.  It was a good thing too, because I didn’t want Abbey to start asking questions.

Our Jack and Jill shower was a big success.  Everybody at the Plaza was wonderful with keeping things organized and flowing smoothly, considering we were a party of three hundred and fifty.  Abbey and I stood at the front of the room at one point, with Trace and Shawna at our sides, oohing and ahhing over the dozens of gifts we received.  Thankfully, word had gotten out about the twins a couple of weeks beforehand, so people were able to buy both boy and girl items.  My colleagues and friends are great.  They really thought of everything that we might need or want for the babies.  Dennis and Trish got us this awesome double stroller you can use when you go jogging, and that’s a huge plus for me.  I’ll be able to take the babies out when I go for my runs and leave Abbey in peace for a little while.  I pulled him aside once all the gifts had been given out and thanked him profusely, before asking him something that I was planning to all along.

“You think you’re gonna stick with Goldman for a while?”

He shrugged.  “I mean, yeah.  You’ve taught me a lot.  I know a ton of stuff about this business that I didn’t know before.  I’m comfortable there and I’m able to take care of my family.”

“So how would you feel about taking over for me?”

His eyes went wide and he stared at me for a long moment.  “Justin...”

“Look you’re the best guy I have, and the only one I would feel comfortable handing over the business to.  If I don’t pick somebody, the board will have to vote, and I won’t feel right leaving if I don’t like who is replacing me.  You’re a great guy, Dennis.  You’re brilliant with finance and you’re honest.  The rest of the crap you can learn, but those things...they’re hard to come by.”

“I guess...I guess I’ll talk to Trish about it.”

He smiled.  I knew he’d take it, and it made me feel good to know I’d be doing something good not only for the company, but for a great friend as well.  “Great.”

The time between the shower and the rehearsal dinner was mostly spent getting the house ready for the babies.  Lucinda, Kimberly and the Feldmans were a great help, finding places to put all the gifts we were given.  Abbey and I found ourselves overwhelmed with boxes and bags filled with baby items.  They weren’t all from the shower.  People would send things to the apartment constantly, and my great room was overflowing with pink and blue packages.  It was driving me nuts.  It was like...my place wasn’t big enough and that was so crazy because it was one of the biggest penthouses in Manhattan.

I knew we were going to need a bigger house, but I was just...a little afraid of pushing the issue on Abbey.  She knew we were going to move eventually.  We’d already discussed moving to Dallas or Houston.  I’ve been in talks with some investors who are interested in backing my business.  I’m really great with oil and gas stock, and they feel they can profit better with me than they can with Goldman.  It’s a great opportunity for me, to get my stand alone firm up running, but it means we’re going to have to move...soon, before the new fiscal year begins.

It’ll have to be like...February, and that’s crazy.  

I haven’t told her that part yet because I’m still not firm on the date.  I don’t know how she’ll take it, because the babies will only be a couple of months old, and the boys will be halfway through the school year.  That’s who I’m most worried about, my brothers...uprooting them now when they’ve already made a solid foundation with their schools, the city, and their teachers.  Davey will deal with the change better than Austin, I’m sure.  Austin has made friends, and...Kristy is his best friend.  It’s going to be difficult to make him go through another change, to make him lose his friends like this...

But I’ll be going through it too.

Trace won’t be around anymore, and that sucks, considering our friendship has only just gotten back on track, but I know he wouldn’t move with me even if I asked him to.  He has a career of his own now, and he’s happy working for Trump.  Happier than he’s ever been.  He also has a new relationship with Shawna that I know he’s trying his best to keep together too.  Once again, our lives have changed.  We’ll see each other now and then after the move, but...it won’t be the same.  We’ll start to grow apart as new people come into our lives.

It’s going to be hard, adjusting my life without him completely.

But I’m doing this for the good of my family, and my career.  Having my own business means setting my own hours and that means more time with my children and Abbey.  That’s my goal, but in order to be successful one has to make sacrifices, and I know that from experience.  Hell, I’m making sacrifices right now and...I’ll continue to make them, even on my wedding night.

We won’t be having sex, and since I have no idea how Abbey will feel once we’re able to get into bed at the end of the reception, I’m not expecting to be physical with her at all, and...oh yeah, that honeymoon...it ain’t happening either.

This is all my penis’s fault.

I had an amazing ten day cruise to the Mediterranean all planned out, with excursions, shopping...dining...the works.  Now Abbey can’t fly.  I’ve tried not to be bitter about it, and tried not to whimper when I called the travel agent to cancel.  I know there are more important things than a trip, it’s just that losing a week alone with Abbey blows considering once the babies come I have no idea when we’ll get a moment to ourselves.  I’m trying to make the best of this.  Kim has already offered to take the boys off our hands for a week after the wedding, and I’ve been considering going to my house in the Hampton’s to simply get away.  It won’t be the most exciting time we’ve ever had, but if anything it will be relaxing, and I know that’s what Abbey needs most.

“Well?”

“You’re gonna pop a boner.”

I laugh and shake my head as I go back to fixing my tie in the mirror.  “That’s kind of crude to say on my wedding day.”

“Well, it’s true.”

I look at him in the mirror and smile.  Trace is standing in the doorway, hands shoved in his pockets, looking happier than I’ve seen him in a long time.  He’s changed.  My wedding and the fact that I’m having babies with Abbey has made him...nicer? I guess that’s what he is.  Nicer and a hell of a lot more understanding.  That’s good, because I want Abbey to get a long with him.  I’d hate to leave New York City with them still on awkward terms.  Visits would be a disaster, and that’s the last thing I want.  “So...did you guys talk?”

“After she finished chewing my ass out for sneaking in on her...yeah, a little bit.”

“And?”

“I think we’re cool,” he smirks and rubs the back of his neck.  “We understand each other more now than we ever have, and that’s saying a lot I guess.  I have a lot of respect for her.  She’s stronger than most women I’ve met.”

I chuckle.  I’d ask him more about what they talked about, because I really am curious about it, but right now...I can’t focus on the subject.  My stomach is in knots, and I’m sweating as I fumble with my tie, because...I’m getting married in twenty minutes.

I’m scared as fuck, and I thought sending Trace to sneak a look at Abbey in her dress would set my mind at ease a little, but all it’s really done is set me more on edge.  I know she’s going to look amazing, and I’m...I’m just going to be a dumb
ass in a tux.  

“Here.”  Trace steps up to me, his small smile unwavering as he starts to pick apart the knot I’ve put my tie in.  “You’ll never get it fixed that way.”

I stand there, breathing slowly in and out as I let him fix my tie.  He’s the only one that could possibly calm me down right now. The only one who’s...been there for me through it all, and the only one I want in this room with me right now.  

“You scared?”

I suck in my bottom lip and back away from him a little as he finished with my tie.  “A little.”

“Liar.  You’re shitting yourself right now, admit it.  I don’t know how you’re going through with all this man.  I mean...getting married and having kids in the same year? Damn.  Kristy is plenty for me. I’m good with the wife situation.”

I shrug, and chuckle a little.  “I love her.  So much.”

“I know you do.  You’re different than me Justin.  You have a heart and..I didn’t get that for the longest time, because... I don’t think I’ve ever had one.”

I look at him, and there’s an understanding in his eyes.  He’s trying to tell me what a dope he thinks he is in his own way, and that he’s sorry about all the trouble he’s caused.  I’m okay with it.  I’m past it now.  I’m just thankful for the way he is now.  “You have one,” I tell him.

He finishes with my tie and stands back, seemingly satisfied.  “When it comes to Kristy I guess I do.”

“What about Shawna?”

He smirks slightly.  “What about her?”

“Well, you’ve been together a few months now.  Where’s it going?”

“We’re just having some fun.”

I give him a funny look.  I recognize the phrase, because it’s exactly what I said to him when he first accused me of having genuine feelings for Abbey.  I know it means he’s starting to feel something...serious, for this girl, and I’m happy for him.  He needs that.  He needs stability, and somebody to care about him.  “I’ll be flying out for you wedding in a year or so then?”

“Don’t push it, Timberlake.”

“What are you doing! You need to be at the alter!”  My wedding planner hollers it as she storms into the room and grabs my arm.  “Right now!  Abbey is ready!”  

“At least you know she’s not going to ditch you,” Trace says from behind me, as I’m led out into the hallway.

“She couldn’t,” I laugh back at him.  “She’d never make it far with that waddling thing she’s doing right now.”

“If I tell her you made fun of her waddle, you’re gonna be in trouuu-ble.”

“Don’t make me bribe you.”

“Trace, would you please get to your place!”

My wedding coordinator, god love her, is really fucking high strung.

“Do you have the rings!” I call after him, as he starts to run off.

“Pretty sure!  Good luck out there!”

Asshole.

The wedding coordinator positions me at the alter, and wishes me a calm, but firm, good luck as she hurries away from me.  The place is fucking packed.  My side goes all the way to the back of the hall while Abbey’s is about two thirds of the way full, and they’re all fucking staring at me.  Some of these people I’ve only met once...some, not at all.  It’s making my stomach turn, even though I’m normally very good in front of a massive crowd of people.  Today is the exception.  Today...I’m getting married and my professional side is nonexistent.  My emotions have completely taken over, and I’m just a big old wreck.

Jesus.  I’m getting married.  Me.

The music starts to play.  Pachelbel’s “Canon.”  I picked it.  I think it describes exactly how I am, artsy and shit.  Given the venue, it’s the perfect music to set the mood.  A few more moments pass, and then I finally see the doors open.  Trace and Shawna are the first couple to walk out, smiling, and holding hands as they walk in that ‘left together, right together’ thing that the wedding coordinator made us all practice last night at rehearsal. I know Trace feels like an ass right now. He’s the most uncoordinated person ever.

I can’t wait to see him dance somewhat sober.  It’ll be a first.  

Austin and Kristy follow Trace and Shawna, and I smile at my brother.  He grimaces slightly.  He hates this formal stuff, but he’s behaving himself for my sake, and...I guess the fact that he gets to hold Kristy’s hand isn’t killing him either.  I know he has a weak spot for her, and it’s cute.  Dennis and Trish come next, followed by Hannah and Dennis’s oldest son Brian.  There’s the ushers and bridesmaids.  Davey is last, carrying the pillow for the rings, and Trace makes sure to place them on top of it when he gets close enough.  Thank goodness that went over well.

There’s nothing left to do now but wait.  

Wait for her.   

I close my eyes, let the music take over me for a few moments, recollecting the past two years, and how much my life has changed.  I see myself before Abbey came into my life, the type of person I was, and now...I can’t imagine ever being like that again.

When my eyes open, I see the reason why I’ve been able to change, standing at the end of the long aisle.

She takes my breath away, completely, and all I can do is stare at her as everybody in the hall rises to their feet.

She’s relaxed as her father leads her down the aisle, his face slightly red, his eyes glossed over with tears.  She picked “Forever My Love” by the O’Neill Brothers to walk down the aisle to, and I could never really picture how it would come together here in the hall before this moment, but now I know she made the right choice.  It’s calm, not too traditional, and not so far fetched that people would lose their focus on her.  She’s all smiles as she draws closer to me, looking perfect in every way, and I feel myself becoming short of breath.

Then I feel the tears on my face.

I can’t stop them, so I just smile.

She’s just...such an amazing woman, and I’m trying so hard to understand why I’m allowed to be with her right now.

Then she’s right in front of me, and her father places her hand in mine.  She smiles, and gives it a squeeze, whispering “I love you” gently before we turn and prepare to take our vows.

And I know why.

It’s because we were made for each other, right from the start.