Justin and I had a wedding fit for the royals.  The place was packed, the food was out of this world, and the flowers and decorations were exquisite.  Our cake was six feet tall, I’m serious.  It was made by some famous cake designer that works with the Plaza for every wedding they put together.  I just stared at it when I saw it for the first time.  I thought a cake was just some flour and water mixed together and decorated with frosting, but it turns out...there is quite a market for immaculate wedding cakes.  

Apparently, ours was the most elaborate one made this year.  That’s Justin for you.

“You better not cram that into my face,” I whispered to my new husband as we watched the kitchen staff put the cake into place on the floor.  “I feel like we shouldn’t be eating it.  It probably cost as much to make that as it will to put my sister through college.”

“But you like the way it tastes,” Justin smirked as he wrapped his arms tighter around my body and kissed my neck.  “Remember when I brought you to that cake tasting?”

“That was for this monstrosity?”

He laughed at me.  “Did you think we were getting two wedding cakes?”

“Knowing you? Yes.”

I was out of the loop when it came to my wedding, and I fully admit to that, even now.  Being formal and fancy was never my thing, it was Justin’s, so I left a lot of the decisions up to him, even though I swore I was going to be more involved with the details of our wedding.  When the news of the twins came though, my thoughts were so jumbled together I guess I stopped caring.  I was glad that Justin didn’t.  It gave him something to do, and that was good, because I knew the fact that we were having twins made him more of a nervous wreck than he let on.  He would bring things to my attention sometimes, give me a choice between two or three items, and once I told him what I liked, he would communicate that to our wedding planner.

Surprisingly enough, the whole thing worked out really well.  I guess I could call my wedding flawless...I mean, it was.  The details were perfect and the ceremony and reception went exactly the way I knew they were supposed to.  There was a certain person there that would make my wedding day a little less than perfect, but I did my best to push through the issues and enjoy it as best I could.

Trace, surprisingly enough, wasn’t the cause of those issues.

For the first time, he was a friend.

My bridesmaids had just finished getting me into my dress and zipped me up, before our wedding coordinator burst in and dragged them all away.  Well, except for Shawna.  She was the maid of honor, and I guess her duty that day was to simply hang around me, get me anything I needed, and make sure I didn’t lose my mind before it came time to take my vows.

“Shit, I’m out of blush.”  She huffed as she dug inside her overly large makeup bag.

“I think we’re good with blush,” I said.  Shawna, while I loved her, had this tendency to overdo it when makeup was involved.  “Really.”

“Just a little more.”  She looked back at me and nodded.  “I’m positive my spare is in my other bag.  I’ll be back in a jif.”

“But...”

She ran out.

I sighed and laughed heartily to myself.  I knew she was excited, so I wasn’t going to complain, but I did need her then.  I was nervous, had no idea what to expect when I walked down that aisle.  Yes, I knew I’d done it before...but my wedding was so different when Braeden and I got married.  It was out of necessity, a very small ceremony followed by a tiny reception.  I knew every single person that attended.  This time, I was the bride at the wedding of the year, or, so I’ve been told, the century.  There were about fifty people in that hall I knew personally, and the rest were mostly people Justin had invited...clients, investors, rich entrepreneurs, and people he worked with.  I had no idea who they were but they sure knew who I was, and it made me nauseated that they would all be staring at me, studying my every move.

I tried not to care what they thought about me...some unknown girl who had the most powerful finance man in New York City wrapped around her finger.  Of course there was more to me than that...and Justin loved me as much as I loved him, but people never focused on that sort of thing, especially because I was pregnant.  I was convinced that if Justin were a Hollywood celebrity, our scandalous relationship would have made the cover of every kind of tabloid magazine, because I read most of them and knew they thrived on those kinds of stories.  I knew people were talking about me, trying to get me figured out before the wedding started so they could flash me a fake smile when they congratulated me later on in the evening.

I wasn’t looking forward to it, and in all honesty, I wouldn’t have had the reception if Justin didn’t care about it so much.

Luckily for me, somebody else stepped in to calm my nerves, just as I was about to lose it.

“Got time for the best man?”

I whirled around, gasping because Trace was standing there, staring at me in my wedding dress.  Part of me knew Justin had conned him into coming to see me.  He’d been curious about what my dress looked like for weeks, and tried everything under the sun to get me to give him clues about it’s design.  I kept telling him no of course, that it was bad luck, and he would pout until I planted my lips on his.  “He’s not supposed to know what I look like!” I yelled, pushing him out of my dressing room and trying to slam the door in his face before he managed to stop me by putting his foot in the doorway.

“C’mon Ab.  You really think I’d tell him?” He laughed.  “I love watching him squirm as much as you do.”

I allowed the door to swing open again, and just stood there, staring at him.  I knew he wasn’t lying but...at the same time, it didn’t change the awkward feeling that had begun to form inside of me due to being alone with him.  He’d been there for me when I needed him the most, yeah, but we didn’t talk about it.  We didn’t talk about anything...just continued to allow our relationship get more and more awkward.  It was stupid, and I knew that, but I’d been entirely too overwhelmed that day, and making peace with Trace hadn’t been at the top of my priority list.  “So...what do you need?”

“Can I sit?” He pointed to one of the chairs near the vanity.  “I’d...I mean, if it’s not too weird, I’d like to talk you for minute.”

I was shocked, because he seemed so calm and willing to talk to me.  It had never happened before in the three years I’d known him.   “Why?”

“I guess I should have expected that.”

I moved back into the room, and continued to stare at him.  After a moment, he seemed to feel comfortable enough to take that seat he’d asked me about.  “Look, Abbey...I know I’ve been a jerk.”

I sat down too, but I didn’t say anything.  I could barely look at him.

“You went out on a limb for me...when nobody else would.”  He bowed his head and looked at the floor for a moment.  “I was so messed up, that I couldn’t appreciate it...and I didn’t know how to act around you for a really long time.  So I guess...I guess I wanted to say thank you.  I’d still...I’d still be in there, if it wasn’t for you, and I have no idea what would have happened to Kristy. There’s been a lot of times I haven’t acted like it...but she really does mean everything to me.  When I got out of prison, she was the only reason I pushed through the bad shit.”

“Well...Kristy is important,” I nodded. “I’m glad you realize that now.”

“Yeah.”

I pressed my lips together and willed Shawna to walk back through the door.  I was nervous and uncomfortable around Trace, and the fact that I was about to walk down the aisle wasn’t helping me to calm down.

“I’m sorry, Abbey.  I...I really am, and I hope...one day, you can respect me.  You’re a good person and I know you’d be a great friend too.”

My eyes snapped back to focus on him.  He’d actually said it.  It was a fuckin’ miracle, but of course I wasn’t going to let on how much I appreciated him finally coming around.   There was still that tiny part of me that was so bitter about the way he’d treated me and the things he’d said in the past.  Of course, I hated to live in the past, but out of everybody involved in my life and Justin’s life, nobody had been so adamantly against our relationship like Trace.  He was coming out of it.  I could tell Shawna was molding him into a better person, into somebody who cared about things other than money and business.  That day he’d brought me to the hospital without a thought had hinted at it.

But right then, it was so obvious that he was changing for the better.

Changing like Justin had changed for me so long ago.

“I never thought you’d say all that.”

“Yeah.” His cheeks turned pink and he looked down at his shoes.  “Well, my ass has been getting whipped into shape more than usual lately.  I’ve realized some things and...I know that I should be considering you one of my close friends.  I mean, if you’ll let me.”  

I stood up then, and sighed.  I wanted to yell at him and tell him he’d been too much of a dick.  But I knew what he endured, and the things he overcame in his life.  He deserved a second chance too.  “We’re friends,” I nodded.  “We’ll always be friends, okay?”

He leaned over and gave me a light kiss on the cheek then, before smiling at me.  “You look incredible, by the way.”

I blushed.

“Good luck.  We’ll talk soon,” he smiled, and left me as I was.  

It was awkward, but...I knew things between Trace and I were going to be okay after that.  He accepted me and I accepted him.  Recently, Justin asked me if he could be Godfather to both the twins, and I didn’t hesitate to tell him yes.  If...if something happened to us, there’s nobody else I would want to step in more than Trace.  He was there for me the day I fainted, and it more than proved how responsible and caring he’d become.

There’s still the question of who will be Godmother though.  I’m still not sure, and Justin understands.  All things considered, if Charlene and I were speaking, she would be the person I would pick, hands down.

But we’re just not.

She didn’t show for the wedding, and that was hard for me to accept.  It meant she really didn’t want to be involved in my life anymore, and while that hurt me a great deal, I knew I couldn’t focus on that during my wedding and reception.  There were too many people, and Justin was so happy that I didn’t want to bring him down.  So I focused on him, on us, on our closest friends, family, and of course the boys too.  I knew Austin hated getting dressed up, and he pouted for most of the morning and during the ceremony because he was forced to.  Once the reception came around though, he seemed to lighten up.  He stuffed his face with cake and ice cream, and goofed around with Kristy and the other kids who had come to our wedding, making sure to include Davey so he wouldn’t feel left out.

And that gave Justin and I the chance to simply...enjoy being married.

Justin and I danced to “For Once In My Life,” redone by Vonda Shepard, for our first dance.  He held me close to him as I rested my head against his chest, and it took me back to the night we first danced.  I remembered the magic of him, breathed him in deeply and smiled when I felt his lips land on the top of my head.  We didn’t talk much.  He just kept telling me that he loved me, and I kept telling him that I loved him back with a soft smile. From time to time his hands would slide to the part of my dress that covered my baby bump, and he would rub it gently as he smiled at me.  Then we would kiss, and everybody would applaud.  

My daddy and I danced next.  I’d selected My Girl by the Temptations, and we took the opportunity to talk to each other as we danced.  He kept telling me how proud he was of me, that he and mom couldn’t wait for the babies to arrive, and he was happy that I’d found a great guy.  He didn’t mention Braeden, and I knew he was mostly over that situation.  I hugged him close to me, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.  I knew that things were going to be okay between me and my parents again...finally.  The best part was, they accepted Justin too, began to treat him like a son...like they’d treated Braeden so long ago.  

Justin and Kimberly danced tto Rascall Flatts My Wish.  It was great that they could do that, and I could tell there was a lot of emotion going on between them during the song.  He held her close, and I could tell she was sobbing on his shoulder from time to time.  It was a nice moment.  One that they’ll always remember.  

Then dinner was served. I didn’t drink of course, but Justin did more than enough of that for both of us.  People constantly tapped their crystal with their flatware, egging us on to kiss, and at one point, Justin was starting to do more than just kiss me in front of our guests.  I blamed the alcohol, and took his two champagnes away from him, but it still didn’t stop him from groping my leg from underneath the table.  I was just thankful he stopped trying to grab my chest in public.

Trace stood up during dinner and gave a really nice speech about his friendship with Justin, telling all the guests the first time they met was on the street at a bus stop, and all he could think was that Justin was a dumb country bumpkin.  It got us all to laugh, but I knew it was an emotional moment for my husband and his friend.  There were tears in Justin’s eyes as Trace went on to talk about how much he respected him as a colleague but most of all, how he was proud to be his friend, proud of the man he’d become, and couldn’t have been happier that he found me, because I was an amazingly strong woman.  He said it was because of our relationship that he was learning to let go of his fears, and finally fall in love with someone.

Then he told Shawna he loved her.

I almost fell out of my chair, and Shawna just sat there, smiling at her boyfriend.  There was a lot more to what they had going on than I realized.  Behind closed doors, I was certain she’d been helping him overcome some serious shit.  She never discussed it with me, though.  She liked to keep their love life private, but that was what Trace needed.  They were the perfect match, and I began to wonder how long it would take before Trace got up the guts to marry her.

I knew that when we did move, Justin would be able to do it with the peace of mind that Trace would be okay.  That he would move forward, learn to balance his work life with his family, and finally love something other than his money.

We cut the cake, and Justin made sure to cram it into my mouth, getting frosting all over my face and down my dress.  I got him back though.  I got him back really good, and he was laughing hysterically as he flicked some frosting at me and started to pick the cake out of his hair, making sure to give me a sloppy kiss afterwards.  Trace hauled him off with Dennis and a bunch of other men after that to have a cigar session, and I was a little thankful.  The night was winding down and I was itching to get out of my dress and into something a little more comfortable, considering I was covered in cake.  

I was walking down the hallway towards my bridal suite, being stopped every few moments to be congratulated by people I barely knew.  I smiled, thanked them, but was short because I was tired, sweaty, sticky, and uncomfortable.  I was almost where I needed to be too, but then...I saw him, sitting there on a bench, his head in his hands, and I couldn’t help but stare.  Mark had been an unexpected guest right from the beginning, and I’d been avoiding him on purpose.  Every time I laid eyes on him, he seemed to want to be around the family less and less.

That moment was no different. That moment was the worst I’d seen him in the couple of weeks he’d been in the city.  Something inside told me he needed a friend, somebody who understood him then, and because I knew Braeden wasn’t around for him, I thought it might have been my duty to console him.

Now, I know I should have stayed out of it.

“Hey.”  I sat down beside him and stared at him for a moment.  “You okay?”

It took him a moment, but he finally picked his head up out of his hands and looked back at me.  “I’m just waiting to leave.”

His expression was lost, fearful, and lonely.  I recognized it all too well, because Braeden always had a similar look on his face when he came back from Afghanistan.  I could tell something was plaguing him, tearing him apart inside.  “You look like you could use a friend right now.”

“Maybe...but we’re not friends, Abbey.”

I was slightly taken back.  I’d known Mark since he was nine years old, even babysat him when I was in middle school.  He’d always respected me, even loved me, and I loved him too.  “I know things...have been hard...”

“You don’t know the half of it.  You don’t know, shit!”

I just stared at him.

“You know why I’m here?  I’m here because I didn’t have a fucking choice.  My parents don’t want me around anymore, so when Hannah asked me to come here with her, they practically pushed me out the door.”

“Maybe...maybe it’s better that you’re here.”

“Maybe it would be better if you hadn’t screwed my brother over.”

I sighed heavily.  “Mark it...”

“You left him!  He gave you everything he had and you just...you just gave up!”  He rose from the bench harshly and crossed his arms, the tears streaming down his face as he stood before me, waiting for him to tell him something, anything, that would make the situation okay again.

“You don’t know what went on.”

“Yes I do!”

He was screaming at me, and I looked all around, trying to ensure Justin wasn’t near bye.  I knew he wouldn’t get it, and part of me wanted Mark to get the things on his mind out of his system without complications.  “Braeden has problems...a lot of them.  He needed to get help more than he needed me around.  That’s why your mom stayed behind for a while.”

He shook his head harshly.  “You really don’t know do you?”

I cocked my head slightly.  “Know what?”

My heart was racing.  It wasn’t the right day to hear what he was about to tell me, but in that moment, he didn’t care that I had gotten married a few hours ago.  He was oblivious because he was drowning in his problems and emotions.  “He pushed mom through a glass door,” he whimpered.  “She needed all kinds of stitches and now they’re saying she’s going to need surgery too.”

I covered my mouth with my hand and felt my eyes grow wide.

“He slashed his wrists,” Mark said next.  “He almost died, and that’s...that’s on you, Abbey.  You left, because you wanted to marry that rich asshole and have an easy life, instead of helping Braeden get past everything.  I hope you’re fucking happy now.  I can’t even talk to him...my parents won’t even let me do that.  He has nothing now, and neither do I.”

I sobbed pathetically, clutching my baby bump as I sat, hunched over on the bench.  I could feel him standing in front of me for a few more minutes, his eyes digging into me, causing me to feel even guiltier about the situation.  I knew...I knew Braeden was going to have some trouble after I left.  Hell, he knew it too, but the things Mark told me were just...unbelievable.  Terrorizing his mother...trying to commit suicide...

I didn’t know what I could do.  I had written him a letter when I first found out I was pregnant, but he hadn’t written me back, and I figured he was doing it with my best interest at heart.  But in that moment, I knew he ignored me because he was dealing with too much, and wouldn’t get the right people to help him.

I started to believe Mark.

I started to feel completely responsible, that I didn’t deserve to be happy with my life.

“What’d you say to her?”

I looked up and Justin was there, staring Mark down like he was some kind of criminal.  I didn’t want a problem.  I just wanted him to take me by the hand, and get me out of there.  But the look on Justin’s face told me he heard a good part of the conversation, and he wasn’t going to let Mark get away with the awful things he said to me.

“I told her the truth,” Mark said darkly.

“Yeah, well I know the truth, and nothing about it is Abbey’s fault.  You have a hell of a nerve. The lady is pregnant and this is our wedding day.  I’ve accepted you being here, you know? I could have told you to leave...but I respect your brother, so I did it for him.”

“You respect my brother?” Mark laughed.  “That’s funny, since you didn’t seem to have a problem breaking up his marriage.”

“You don’t know what happened,” Justin shook his head.  “I know things suck right now...Hannah told me what’s been going on.  I’m not oblivious, Mark, and I’m willing to help if I can, but I won’t tolerate you talking to my wife this way. None of this is her fault.”

I was surprised Hannah had confided in him, and even a little angry that she’d kept something so detrimental from me.  But I knew how Hannah was.  She was completely dedicated to Mark and if he told her to keep something a secret, she normally would take the information to the grave.  I knew Justin had probably pried the information out of her, as they’d been spending a lot of extra time together.  It had probably been overburdening my sister and I was a little thankful she’d been able to confide in Justin, but I still wished I would have found out before the wedding.  I wish Justin would have told me, but I knew why he didn’t.  He was scared of my reaction.  

“Braeden is alive and he’s still gone,” Mark snapped.  “You think you know how I feel, but you don’t have a fucking clue.”

He turned and stormed back down the hall.

“Mark!” I rose to my feet too quickly and felt myself getting a little dizzy, and started to fall backward before Justin caught me in time.  “Mark! Wait!”

“Let him go,” Justin whispered as he wrapped his arms around me.  “Just let him go.”

I cried into Justin’s chest harshly after that, and he stuck by me, kissed my face and stroked my hair as I let it all out.  It made me weaker and more tired than I wanted to be, and I knew it wasn’t good for the babies.  Justin had to sit me down at one point and ask one of the waitstaff to bring us some water.  We sat there together while I sipped it, silent, each of us knowing how horrible Braeden’s situation really was.  For any other couple it would have been awkward, but not for us.  Justin understood Braeden more than he ever should have, and instead of being angry...he seemed genuinely concerned about what happened to him.  

I knew why I loved him, and was so thankful that he was there, that we were married, and that I’d always have him by my side.

I prayed that Braeden could somehow find the same goodness in his life, that he wouldn’t have to be tortured for the rest of his days, no matter what he’d done to his family and friends.

I reach out and touch his face, my fingers gliding over the light beard that’s recently grown in, and I feel myself smile.  He’s trying something new, but he looks good.  It makes him look slightly older, and I know that’s what he’s going for with this new business he’s starting up.  Even though people don’t treat him like he is, Justin is still so young.  So young to have accomplished so much, and I guess he fears that people won’t take him as seriously in another place if they realize just how young he is.

We’re in South Hampton again.  While it’s not the season for it, we both knew it was one of our only options to get away for a week after the wedding, since I’m not able to fly.  We’ve been here three days, and it’s been nice so far.  There haven’t been any distractions, or loud noises, or whiny boys pouting about how unfair life can be.  I miss them of course.  Davey cried when we left because he didn’t want us to go, but we both did our best to assure him we would be back in a week and that he would have fun with Aunt Kimberly and Austin.  I could tell it didn’t satisfy him, but I wasn’t about to cancel.  These twins are coming and when they do, Justin and I will have zero time to ourselves between tending to them and taking care of the boys.

We’ve been trying to be intimate.  It’s not as hard as we thought it would be.  Justin and I decided to be a little creative and looked up ‘sex and pregnancy’ on the internet the afternoon we arrived here.  Surprisingly enough, there’s a ton of information available about having sex...what to do and what not to do when you’re having multiples.  Just to be safe, we called the doctor, and told her about the things we read.  Naturally, she laughed at us, but told us we would be fine, but to be careful not to “overdo it.”

We were able to have sex that same night, and it seemed to unleash this fire in Justin that he’d been holding in since the third month of my pregnancy.  Any position we could do it comfortably...it got done.  I knew I would be exhausted afterwards, and I was, but I put up with it for him.  He deserved it for being so patient, and I felt I had to do something, because he’d started to act like some kind of dog, groping me when he felt nobody was paying attention.

“Morning.”  He smiles at me once his eyes flutter open, and he pulls my hand away from his face so he can lace his fingers through mine.  

“Hey.”

“So...”  He laughs lightly and pulls me down to him, so he can wrap his arms around me.  “I was doing some thinking last night after you fell asleep.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah...” He looks down at my bump and smiles softly, caressing it with his free hand for a few moments before his eyes float up to meet mine again.  “We haven’t been having much luck with that baby book.”

He’s right.  It’s a pity too, because the thing is at least a thousand pages, but no matter how often we’ve sat together and gone through names, we can never seem to agree on anything.  Nothing sparks our interest, and we don’t want to name our boy Justin.  He says it’s too common or something, and that our son will carry on the family tradition by his last name.

He’s going to be such a great daddy.  Hell, he already is when it comes to the boys.

“So, what were you thinking?”

“What about Mason?”

I consider it for a moment.  “Mason,” I say with a small laugh.  “It’s a little different, and it’s not too hard to spell.”

“Yeah, but do you like it?”

“I think it’s a good possibility.  It depends what we name her, I guess.”

“That was the next thing I was going to ask you about.”

“You thought of that too?” I laugh.  “You were busy last night, baby.”

He shrugs.  “I just...I know we weren’t going to name him after me, but I was just thinking that maybe we can have one kid that’s named after a family member.”

I stare at him, slightly confused.  “What is it?”

“I thought that maybe, she can be...Victoria.  You know, after my mom?”

His expression is filled with such a desperate hope that I’ll say yes, and I can tell he wasn’t just thinking about this last night, but probably for a good amount of time.  He was too timid to ask, probably afraid that I wouldn’t want our daughter be named for his mother.  But he’s crazy to think I would say no.  I’ll never know her, and neither will she.  This way, she can grow up, knowing she was named for an amazing, independent woman that loved her family more than anything.  “I think that’s a great idea.”

He smiles.  “Really?”

“Yeah.”

He smiles and kisses me, long and slow, running his hands up and down my slightly deformed body, touching every part of me, and telling me how much he loves me.  We make love the best we can, and he collapses against me afterwards, nuzzling his nose into my neck as he pulls me closer to his naked body.

“Victoria and Mason,” I smile as I turn slightly in his arms and look into his eyes.  

“Sounds good, right?”

I kiss him gently.  “I think it sounds perfect.”

“You hear that guys?” Justin says as he looks down at my bump.  “You got yourselves some names now.  Don’t say I never did anything for you.”

I laugh and stroke his face gently.  “You’re a nerd.”

He just laughs and gets a dreamy gaze in his eyes.  “I can’t wait to meet them, Ab.  I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited about anything before.”

Neither have I, and in three months, we’ll finally be introduced to our Mason and Victoria.

Then the real challenge begins.

“They’re kicking.” Justin pulls my hand down so I can feel it too, even though I already can.  “They like our decision.”

“How do you think the boys are going to react?”

He shrugs a little.  “They’re little fighters.  You already know how excited Davey is.  He talks about them all the time.”

“Yeah, but what about Austin?”

He’s silent for a few moments.  He knows how Austin is, and how the babies are confusing him.  “He’ll pull through it. He’s just...afraid of the change, but you know...we’ll make sure he’s okay.”

“But we’re going to be...busy.”

He licks his lips and won’t quite meet my gaze.  I know it’s something that’s been on his mind too, but he doesn’t want to focus on this particular issue.  He’s happy simply lying here, talking about the babies like we don’t have any other issues.

“Justin...”

“I’ll sit down with him.  I know that I’ve needed to for a while now.”

“Do you think it will help though?”

“It’s Austin.  I can usually break through to him when we talk.  We’re like the same person.”

I know he’s right, but I just...I just have the worst feeling that it’s not going to be so simple this time.  “I hope so.”

“Hey.”

I look back at him.

“I’ll handle it,” he promises me gently.  “I don’t want you to worry about it.”

“I have to.  He’s...he’s my son now.  I don’t want him to feel neglected and if we move, that’s going to be hard on him too.  The babies and that combined...Justin...it scares me what it could do to him if the move happens.”

“When the move happens.”

I know it’s serious, that by early next year, we won’t be living in New York anymore, and that’s something I need to accept.  It’s going to be much easier for me to accept it though, than it will be for Austin.  Davey will go with the flow because that’s how he deals with life most of the time, but Austin has attachments, and I hate that he’s about to be torn away from them.  “Right.”

“We’ll worry about it when the time comes.”

“But...”

“I don’t want you stressing about it.  You have enough going on.  I’ll sit him down when we get back to the city, all right? I promise you, babe.”  He kisses me gently.  “Just worry about...them.” He touches my belly again and smirks.  “I’ll handle everything else.”

I know brushing Austin’s issues under the rug is his solution to the issue for the time being.  I can’t say I didn’t expect it from him though.  The babies are a huge deal for him, and he’s excited and focused on their arrival.  So am I, and it’s why Austin is being...pushed aside.  I know I haven’t been spending as much time with him.  Even when we were in Memphis, we didn’t hang as much, and lately...I’ve been so preoccupied that I haven’t gotten to spend time with him at all.

I feel like he resents me for it sometimes, and it makes me feel terrible.  I have to try to make more of an effort, before I lose what’s left of the sweet little boy that I love more than anything.  The one who followed me all the way to Texas just because he couldn’t bare to live without me.  He’s losing that tenderness about him, because he’s getting older and also because he feels like he’s becoming alienated from me.  I gotta hang on to him...

But I just...I just don’t know if I’ll be able to.  The babies are going to take up all of my time, and while I’m excited about them...it makes me so sad that I could potentially lose my precious bond with Austin.

I sob, and Justin gets it, because he doesn’t ask me what’s wrong.  He knows I’m worried about my Austin, so he just holds me, strokes my hair, and tries to reassure me that he’ll make it right.  That he’ll get Austin to accept the change in our lives.

I hope he can.  I really do.

Before it’s too late.