December

“Wahhh-ahhh-Wahhhhhh.”

My eyes slide open, and I can already feel the fatigue setting in, begging me to go back to sleep.

“It’s my turn,” Abbey mumbles, and I can feel her shifting around in our bed, trying to get to her feet without making her pain worse.

“Go back to sleep.  You can take it at six.”

“Justin...you did the midnight feeding.”

I sit up and kiss her cheek.  “Go on,” I smile lightly.  “I got it.”

She sighs harshly, but a minute later, she’s passed out cold again.

“Wahhhhhhhhhh-ah-ah-ah.”

I turn the volume down on the baby monitor and rub my eyes harshly before ruffling my hair and scratching my head.  Then I push myself to my feet and force myself to walk out of our bedroom and down the hallway to the nursery, where the horrific crying continues.  My head is pounding.  It’s been too long since I’ve slept for more than three hours at a time.

Six weeks have passed since we brought our babies home, and in a few days it will be Christmas.

It’s a hard way to spend the holidays, pushing myself through sleepless night after sleepless night while trying to make things nice for the boys and my wife at the same time, but I won’t complain.

The delivery and Abbey’s recovery went so smoothly, that I have no reason to.  

The remaining months leading up to Abbey’s due date were interesting, to say the least.  She nearly doubled in size, her back ached constantly, and her feet and ankles swelled to the point that the doctor eventually put her on bed rest.  She was concerned Abbey would put too much strain on herself otherwise, and potentially endanger the babies.  Hearing that made me stick firmly to the decision, even though Abbey protested and told me she didn’t want to stay in bed.  We had a pretty big fight about it, now that think back, but by the end of it I was able to convince her that it was the only option...that it was the best thing for Victoria and Mason, and hearing that from me made her give in.  We were thankful for Trace and Shawna, who volunteered to help out with the boys, no questions asked, so Abbey could simply relax and wait for her pregnancy to end.

Of course, the bed rest made her stir crazy and more emotional than ever.  I often found myself sitting with her after I got home from work, calmly consoling her as she quietly sobbed against my chest.  I knew it was hard on her, laying in bed all day while I was at work with nothing but the TV, some magazines, and the internet to keep her entertained, having to rely on Lucinda for whatever else she needed.  Her cravings kicked in pretty bad too.  During the entire month of October, Abbey would wake up in the middle of the night, craving Ben and Jerry’s Peanut Brittle ice cream, and wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep unless she got some in her system.  I got the hint after running to Whole Foods a couple of times in the middle of the night, and stocked our freezer full of the stuff.

I think there’s still a tub or two left over.

I checked Abbey into the hospital on November 8th at her doctors suggestion, and Victoria and Mason were born on the next day, at nine in the morning, weighing in at five pounds each.  They were perfectly healthy, thanks to the bed rest Abbey endured, and we were both so thankful.  I stood by Abbey’s bedside and held her hand as they cut her open and got the babies out of her.  She was terrified, and so was I, but once we heard them crying, and the nurses placed the babies against her chest, we both calmed down right away.  I know I’m biased, but...they were the most beautiful babies I ever laid eyes on.  Mason was born with a full head of thick, curly hair, and I know he gets it from my side.  Austin,and I were both born with that same trait.  Victoria has thinner, lighter hair, like Abbey’s.  They both have these soft blue-green eyes, bright pink lips and round rosy cheeks that keep getting chubbier the more we feed them.

They down the bottles and go through cases of diapers like they’re nothing.  Abbey decided she didn’t feel comfortable breast feeding, so we’ve been going through gallons of formula instead.  I also bring home another few cases of diapers at the end of every week, and I’m so grateful that I have the means to buy as much as we need.  I can’t imagine what my parents did...what it was like to have no money and a small, helpless child to take care of at the same time.  If nothing else, having the babies has taught me just how fortunate I really am.

And I never, ever, want to be greedy again.

It makes me want to like, help humanity or something.

But I won’t be helping anybody until I can get more damn sleep.

“Hey big man.” I smile as I reach into the crib and pull Mason into my arms while he continues to wail.  He’s more of a hassle than his sister, takes more bottles and fusses a lot more.  The doctor told us it’s not uncommon for one to have more of an appetite than the other.  Victoria takes her bottle, but she’ll only have one where Mason will sometimes take two in a sitting.  It’s taken a few weeks to get used to their habits, but it’s been fun getting to know them.  I love seeing the different things they do, the new little movements and facial expressions they make as each day passes.

When they start to talk I’ll probably cry or some lame shit, but that’s a long way off.

I gently bounce him in my arms as I grab a bottle off the warmer beside the rocker, and sit down with him.  “Shh-shh.”  I kiss his little forehead and adjust the blanket wrapped around his body before I push the bottle at him.  He takes it immediately.  I laugh.  “Little fatty.”

I yawn long and hard, and try my best to keep him positioned the correct way in my arms as he takes his bottle, without nodding off.

I fail.  My eyelids droop, and then my head starts to lean off to the side.

“Wahhhhhh.”

I jolt awake.

Victoria is up.

I look down at Mason.  His bottle is nearly done, and I prop him up a little higher in my arms, willing him to finish his meal.  Then it’s on to baby number two.  I put Mason down  in his crib, and pick up Victoria, immediately realizing that she’s due for more than just a bottle.  Her diaper is squishy.

Oh, this is my favorite part.

I lay her down on the changing table and unwrap the blanket from around her tiny body.  She squeals and cries because she’s cold, and I try my best to change her quickly, but...it’s hard.  The moment I open up her diaper I’m overwhelmed by the stench of baby poop.  It’s not the same smell as say, when the boys will take a dump in the bathroom.  It stinks to the high heavens and I gag every time I change them.  “Damn girl.” I cough a little and wave the baby wipe around her bottom, trying my best to make the smell drift off somewhere else.  

“WAHHHHHHHHHHH.”

Mason wants a second bottle.

God, help me.

I clean Victoria up and change her into a fresh diaper, my head pounding as Mason’s cries echo in my brain.  My head is going slam slam slam.   Two hungry babies at once.  This has happened a few times, but never at three in the morning.  I know I can’t feed them at the same time, but I don’t want to wake up Abbey.  She’s not the one who’s going to work in the morning but...I just hate making her do more than she has to.  She’s still a little sore from her cesarian, and she does so much with the babies and the boys during the day that I feel she deserves to sleep through the night.  I decide to let him cry for a while so I can feed Victoria, do my best to block out the sound as I sit in the rocker and give her the bottle.  She looks up at me with her big eyes as she drinks, like she loves me more than anything in the world, and I find myself being able to smile even though I’m completely exhausted at the moment.  

“Justin.”

I look towards the voice, and sit up slightly when I see Austin standing in the doorway.  He’s squinting his eyes, meaning he just woke up, and I feel bad that he’s awake at this hour.  “You sick?”  I look back down at Victoria and sigh with relief when I realize her bottle is done, and quickly go to put her back down so I can get Mason again.  

“No.”

“Oh.”  I kiss Victoria’s forehead lightly and make sure she’s bundled back up in her blanket before I pick Mason up and gently bounce him in my arms all over again. “Well you have school in a few hours, buddy.”

“I can’t sleep.”

He’s annoyed.  This has been harder on him than it’s been for Davey.  His brother is a sound sleeper, never gets up when the babies are screaming their heads off into the night, and we’ve been thankful for that.  When Davey is cranky he’s a nightmare.  Austin though, he’s more like me.  He’ll wake up most nights, and I know because I’ve heard him shuffling around in the hallway, or moving around downstairs, but he never comes to me like this.

He’s learned to do for himself, like he did when he lived in Memphis, and my parents were giving all their attention to Davey.  I promised myself it wouldn’t happen when the babies came, that I would get it together and be there for Austin.

But it is happening, and I can’t seem to reverse it.  It’s just...like, fucking impossible, because the babies need us every minute of the day, and when they don’t, Abbey and I take advantage and pass the hell out.  

Austin and I haven’t talked like I promised Abbey we would.  I just...I’ve just been so damn overwhelmed between the twins and work, and that’s terrible, I know it is.  The more I’ve looked at Austin since the wedding, the more I’ve been able to tell that he’s sort of lost, and very confused.  Now, it’s just like he’s putting up with this...not having any attention at all.  I know Abbey tries really hard, but it’s a lot...caring for the twins.  Her mother and Kimberly stayed to help out after they were born, because Abbey could barely walk due to her cesarian.  That was a huge help, but after three weeks, she was able to walk much better, and they left us.  That was when we both realized how much work it really was to have these two.

Lucinda decided that she wanted to get her own place once the babies were born, and she only works Monday through Friday now, from eight in the morning til six at night.  It’s a change.  I’m used to having her here to do whatever I want, but she knows life here has changed, and that I don’t have as much of a need for her as I used to.  Since she’s able to be on her feet more, Abbey insists on doing the laundry, the cooking, and keeping the house clean.  She hates help, and I hate that she does, but there’s nothing I can do to change her mind.  It’s like...when the babies were born, her maternal side snapped on like some kind of circuit breaker.  She wants to do it all, and even when Lucinda is here, she barely lets the woman help her.  Lucinda is going to quit on us, I’m sure, but that’s something I’ll have to deal with.  We’ll be moving anyway, and Lucinda told me long ago that she wouldn’t be willing to make the move with us.

It’s going to be hell trying to find somebody to take her place.

Most days I’ll come home from work and Abbey will just be exhausted.  Davey is cute, tries to help her if he can after school, but he’s still a little young.

Austin will always be holed up in his room.

It’s not good for him.  I feel fucking awful about it.

But I can’t help how things are at the moment.

“Mason will go back down in a little bit,” I reassure him with an exhausted tone as I prop the baby higher up in my arms and support his head as he takes the second bottle.  “Sorry.”

He shrugs.

“You can stay home today, if you want,” I offer.  “I know you’ve been losing sleep.”

He creeps further into the nursery, tugging at the bottom of his faded Bugs and Daffy tee shirt, nervously licking his lips like he has something to say but is too timid to.

“What is it buddy?”

He looks up at me, and scratches the back of his head for a moment.  “Can...can I feed him?”

I raise an eyebrow and laugh a little.  It’s a first for Austin.  Up until now, he’s only held the babies once or twice.  He’s a little afraid of them, probably thinks they’ll break if he touches them the wrong way.  I know Abbey has been trying to work with him on that, get him more attached, but Austin is like me.  If something scares him or intimidates him, he tends to back off.  “Sure,” I smirk, and get up from the rocker.  “Sit there.”

He does it slowly, cautiously, and I place Mason down in his open arms.  “Support his head...yeah...there you go.”  I smile when he holds him the way I’ve taught him to in the past, and see the smallest fragment of a smile appear on my brother’s face.  I hand him the bottle, and Mason automatically takes it when Austin gently pushes it in his face.

“Not so hard, right?”

“It’s...fun,” he smiles brightly.

“Oh yeah,” I say, sarcastically.  “Maybe you can start taking the midnight and three am shifts then.”

“No way,” he laughs.  “You’re crazy.”

“I think you’re right.”  I lean against the wall, slide down to the floor, and smile as I watch him feed Mason.  “Are you doing okay?”

He doesn’t look up at me, just continues to stare down at Mason as he takes the bottle.  “Fine.”

“Aus...”r32;

“You and Abbey are busy.  I...I get it.”

“We don’t want you to feel ignored.”

He shrugs.  “I’m used to it.”

I sigh heavily and rub my eyes.  It’s a lot to talk about right now, in the middle of the night, but the thing is...if we don’t do this now, I have no clue when we’ll be able to.  “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean it’s right.”

He’s silent for a while, and then...he looks up at me, his eyes sad, his expression full of sorrow.  “Are we moving to Dallas?”

I stare at him for a long time, silent, because I don’t know what to say.  Abbey and I agreed we wouldn’t discuss this with the boys until after the holidays, and I have no idea how he found out what’s going on.

I secured a lease for a large office space in the heart of Dallas, a week after the babies were born.  Yes, shitty as it was, I was working while I was home with Abbey and the babies.  I didn’t shut myself away from the world to do it, I mostly communicated through text messages, emails, and the occasional phone call.  Abbey told me that she understood, that she was so busy with the babies that it didn’t matter that much to her as long as I made time for the family too.  I stuck by that, and because of her leniency, I was able to get my project off the ground.  If anything, it’s made our relationship that much stronger.

We have to be up and running by the end of February if I plan on making any kind of a profit in the first six months.  I have two guys lined up to work with me...up and comers at Goldman who jumped at the opportunity to work for me and only me. They trust me enough to relocate their whole lives down to Texas, and so I know I have a big obligation to make things work.  I’ve gone in with several investors who have given me millions to give the business the boost it needs, and I know it will work out.  I have a plan, like always.  I’m not worried about that part though.

I’m just worried about getting my family acclimated to a new life.  

Abbey agreed to come with me to look at a few houses my realtor has scoped out for us once the holidays are over with, and once again, Trace and Shawna have agreed to help out with the boys for the few days we’ll be away.  We’re taking the babies with us, because we don’t want to burden anybody else with their care, and the doctor gave us the go ahead, since we’re flying private.  They’ll be exposed to less germs that way, so it’s safer.

I mean, I guess I need to tell him the truth.  The final step is buying the house, otherwise, everything else is set.  We have to be settled in Dallas in a little over two months.  That’s going to be our life.  There’s no way we can turn back now.  “Who told you?”

“It doesn’t matter.  Are we?”

I nod slightly and look down at the carpet.  “Yeah, we are.”

“I don’t want to.”

I sigh heavily.  “I know but...this is a positive change, Austin.  We’ll be better off, and I’ll get to spend more time at home with all of you.”

“What about my school?”

“I found a good school for you.  Davey too.”

“No...it won’t be the same.”

“Austin...”

r32;
“What about Kristy?”

He’s whimpering and I push myself to my feet and take Mason from his arms, afraid he might forget himself and drop the baby.  “You’ll see her.  I’ll make sure she comes out to visit.”

“That’s not good enough!”

Victoria starts to wail again, irritated because she’s been woken up.

“Damn it...”  I sigh harshly and place Mason gently back down in the crib.  He gurgles and coos, but doesn’t cry with his sister.  I’m thankful.  “Austin you can’t...you can’t yell right now.”  I pick up Victoria and rock her gently in my arms.  “We’ll talk about this tomorrow, all right?”

“Or fuckin’ never.”

“Austin.  C’mon buddy, dont be like that.”

He storms out.

Just great.

It takes another hour before I’m able to get Victoria down again. I have to hold her against my chest and pace back and forth across the nursery so she’ll fall back to sleep, and I’m more than frustrated when I finally slide into bed again.  I yank the covers back over myself and try to close my eyes, get back to sleep before the alarm buzzes in my ear and I have to go to the damn office...

“They okay?”

“Fine, Ab.”

I feel her rubbing my back in the darkness.  “Are...are you okay?”

I turn, feel for her in the darkness and smile a little when my hand connects with the soft skin on her face.  “Tired,” I whisper.

She’s silent.

“Austin knows,” I say after a moment.  “About Dallas.”

“I heard.  Kristy must have told him, because Trace probably let it slip in front of her.”

Right.  I should have figured that out.  “Are...are we making the right choice, baby?”

“I think so.”

She cuddles up to me, and I pull her close before wrapping my arms around her.  “I don’t know if it’s the best choice for Austin.”

“I can get him through the move.  He’ll adapt, Justin.  He’s just confused right now.  I’m scared of what he’s going through too, you know that I am, but I know...he’ll come around.  He always does, and I want this for our children.  I want them to grow up away from the city, and I think Davey is going to be a lot better off away from it too.”

I agree with her a hundred percent.  The babies know nothing of living in the city and Davey is easy.  He’s just happy being with his family, and he’ll adjust quickly.  Austin is harder, and I know that because I’m a difficult person too...well, not so much at home anymore, but at work I am.  I don’t like change either, and the fact that I’m about to change our entire lives is a big deal for somebody like me.  I still can’t believe I’m about to do it, but I just...I love my family so much that I’ll take a risk to ensure they have the best life possible with me.  “Maybe we should reconsider.”
r32;

“Justin, is this your dream?”

I suck in a breath.  I know it is, but I feel selfish about having one.  “Yeah but...”

I feel her pull away from me, and then the light snaps on, I squint for a few moments, but then my eyes finally adjust to the light again.  She’s staring at me, her expression stern, and I know that she means business.  
r32;

“I’m not about to let you hold yourself back.  You give us every part of yourself, you sacrifice your own happiness sometimes to make sure we’re taken care of, and it’s time you did something that’s just for you.  Austin didn’t even want to be here at first, and look how he’s adjusted.  He’ll be okay.  I was scared that we were going to lose him, but now I know that this is something we have to do as a family.  He’ll have to understand why we need to move, and I plan on talking to him about it.”

I kiss her gently.  “Why are you so good to me?” I pull her back into my arms and smile lightly at her.  “I mean, I took you away from Texas and now you’re willing to go back there?”

“Because I love you, J.  I don’t care where we end up as long as I have you and the kids.  You’ll take care of us.  I know that, and I trust it.  That’s what’s important.”

I know she means it.  I know she’s in this with me because she’s my wife...my partner.  We’re still a team through all of this, and I almost forgot about that part.  “I love you too.”

She kisses me gently and smiles.  “Goodnight.”

The light snaps off, and after a few moments I can hear her breathing deeply, and rhythmically, a sure sign that she’s drifted off again.  I stare up at the ceiling, knowing I won’t be able to sleep for sure.  There’s too much on my mind.  I’m worried about my brother and what the move is going to do to him.  I’m worried that I’m not making the right choice, even though Abbey is sure that I am.  I have to take the risk, because I don’t want the babies to turn five and consider me their daddy that, ‘is always workin’.  I want to be there.  I want to go watch them play sports and have lazy evenings on the couch with them.  I want to be able to take all the personal days I want so I can take them on surprise trips, and make their lives as awesome as possible.

That’s my dream.

I end up sleeping for all of an hour.  The alarm goes off at six, the babies wail, Abbey gets up and goes to tend to them immediately and I stagger into the shower, knowing I have to snap myself into the work mindset, but I’m so fucking tired.  I stand under the hot spray for longer than I usually do, willing it to wake me up, and it helps me a little bit.  Abbey has my clothes laid out for me when I get out, so I dress, and trim my beard a little bit before I’m ready to head out and face the day.  A hot breakfast is waiting for me at the table, and I thank Lucinda who just nods, and goes on her way.

“Justin!”  Davey runs into the kitchen, backpack slung over his shoulder, a wide smile on his face as he partially wraps his arms around my body as I sit in the chair.  “Do you think I’ll get it! Do you?”

I chew and swallow my eggs, laughing at him as I ruffle his hair.  “You know you have to wait til Christmas Day to find out.  My lips are sealed.”

“Ugh, I want it.” He releases me from his embrace and slides a chair out, so he can begin to consume the bowl of cereal that Lucinda left for him.

He’s been on this “I want a Razor Scooter” kick, for the past two months.  Apparently all the kids he goes to school with have one.  Of course I got it for him.  It’s hidden high up in my closet with the rest of their presents.  Abbey and I decided to get them both a little bit extra this year, just because of how crazy our lives have been.  In February Austin will be fifteen too, and so I’ve decided to buy him a car when we get to Dallas as part of his Christmas gift, so he’ll have something to learn on when he applies for his permit.  I shoved a few car brochures in his stocking so we’ll have something to talk about too.

Abbey is terrified of the thought that he’ll be driving.  So am I, but I’m not going to deny him the chance to learn when he comes of age.  He’ll only complain that all the other kids are doing it.  I can’t wait to pick out a car with him.  I know he’ll be excited and that it’s something the two of us can do together.  

“Hi Austin!” Davey chirps brightly.

He barely glances at his brother as he takes a seat at the table with us, and begins to consume his Pop Tarts.  “Hi.”

“Austin, what do you think you’ll get under the tree?”

He shrugs and chews.  “Dunno.”

He doesn’t care.  It makes me sad.  It’s Christmas and he should be just as excited as Davey is about it.  “I bet you’ll make out pretty good,” I say, trying to sound encouraging.

He glares at me, and slides out from the table.  “I told Abbey you said I can stay home.”

I nod.  “Yeah, that’s fine.”

He stomps back to his room.

Getting him on our side is going to be very difficult.  I know that now.

“Is Austin mad?”

I force a small smile for my youngest brother.  “He’s just tired.”

“He said he hates the babies, and that I should too.”

I raise an eyebrow, and can feel the anger forming in the pit of my stomach.  I know Davey isn’t lying.  That’s not something he does, unless he’s trying to sneak cookies.  “You shouldn’t hate them.  Nobody should.”

“I don’t,” he smiles.  “I love them.  Abbey let me hold Vickie yesterday and she didn’t cry this time.  i like to hold her 'cause she’s warm and squishy.”

“That’s good.  See, you’re learning.”  I smile, lean forward, brush his bangs aside, and kiss his forehead.  “Go on or you’ll be late.  I’ll see you tonight.”

“Then Christmas break starts!”

“Yeah,” I laugh.  “It does.”

Abbey comes out into the kitchen then, holding Mason in her arms as he takes his bottle.  “Davey, the mini bus is waiting downstairs,” she nods.  “Go on.  You have a half day so I’ll see you around noon, okay?”

“Okay.”  He runs to her and wraps his arms around her waist, and she smiles down at him.  “Bye!”

He’s runs out the door and it slams behind him.

We both laugh.  He’s definitely not the same kid that I brought here almost four years ago. He’s older, eleven, and it shows.  He’s taller, doesn’t act so much like a needy baby anymore, and he’s a lot more confident. Francine still sees him about once a month, says that he’s made quite a progression, that he’s probably more like the kid he used to be now more than ever...and that’s thanks to Abbey, and my personality change more than anything.  

Everything would be so perfect if it wasn’t for Austin, but I really don’t want to resent my brother.

Hell, if it wasn’t for his persistence, Abbey and I never would have gotten back together.  I owe him a lot, so I’m going to do whatever I can to fix this thing going on with him.

“You’re letting Austin stay home?” She walks across the kitchen slowly, and I slide the chair out for her and help her to sit down on it with the baby.  

“Yeah.  I know he’s tired and it’s a half day anyway.”

She shrugs.  “I thought he’d be better off getting away for a while.”

“He’s tired.  Give him a break, Ab.  This is hard on him.”

She nods.  “I know.”

I have the worst feeling that she wanted a break from him too.  I start to think that maybe...she hasn’t been telling me what goes on when I’m at work and she’s alone with him.  Does he say things to her? Does he try to mess with the babies?

“How’s things with him when I’m at work?”

She shrugs and adjusts Mason in her arms.  “He’s not the same, Justin.  I’ll try to talk to him today about Dallas.  Maybe he’ll come around.”

“Does he...try things with the babies?”

r32;She gives me a weird look.  “Like what?”

“I dunno...” I trail off because I feel foolish.  “Davey seems to think that he hates them.  I was just concerned.”

“Austin couldn’t hurt a fly,” she laughs.  “He’s angry and stubborn, like you can be sometimes, but he wouldn’t lay a hand on them.  If he’s told Davey that, it’s because he’s getting his aggressions out.”

“He woke up and helped feed Mason with me during the night.”

“Really?”

I chuckle.  “Yeah.  Crazy right?”

“Did he...did he like it?”

“Yeah, he did.”

She smiles gently.  I know it’s made her feel a little better, given her some hope that Austin is going to come around.  I get up from the chair.  “I’ll be late.  Kind of a big day today.”  I kiss Mason’s forehead first and then I give Abbey one on the mouth.  “Love you.  See you tonight.”

She tells me she loves me too as I walk to the door, and it leaves me with a warm feeling inside and a smile on my face.  Quincy is waiting for me when I walk out of my building.  He too, won’t be joining us when we move.  He has too much going on here, and so I’ve arranged for Dennis to give him a job when he takes over for me.  Losing him sucks.  He’s been so reliable, done so much for me, the boys, and for Abbey too that I’ll be sad to see him go.  I doubt I’ll hire a driver in Dallas.  It’s easier to get around there, I’m sure, and I think I’ll like driving.  I’ll miss my talks with Quincy though, the way he can ease my mind on my way into work most mornings.  

Change sucks.

“Mornin’ Cheryl.”  I barely smile as I drag myself through the door, and lean against her desk for support.

“Good morning, sir.”  She sticks out her bottom lip and gives me a sympathetic gaze.  “Long night with the little ones again?”

“I don’t want to go there,” I laugh.  

“It gets easier."

“Oh yeah?” I yawn.  “When?”

"Here.”  She laughs and hands me my normal stack of messages.  “Oh, and Mr. Ayala called.  He wants to know if you can fit him and Mr. Trump in for lunch?”

“Oh...damn it.  I...I’m supposed to be in talks with Dennis and we're interfacing with Japan at eleven."

r32;
I’m still investing in their hotel project.  It’s going well.  The Geneva location has been open for a month now, and we’re already profiting from it.  My move is going to put a strain on the relationship though.  I’m considering pulling out, even though they’re going to beg me to stay on.  

“Should I call and tell them no, sir?”

“Yeah.  It’s not a good day.”

She jots something down on her yellow lined notepad.  “Done.”

Out of all the people that have ever worked for me. Cheryl is the one I’ve never wanted to lose.  She’s just...phenomenal.  She gets me through my days at the office with such ease, and handles personal shit for me that most people would roll their eyes at.  She never complains, never whines about working extra hours, and is always available when I need her regardless of the day or time.

I don’t want to lose her.

But she has a family.  A husband, children who’s lives have been set here since they were born.  I doubt she’d move but...I can’t help but want to ask her to come work for me in Dallas.  She’d be great.  I could trust her, wouldn’t have to train her, and be reassured that she would be on top of everything I have going on.  

“Cheryl?”

She looks up from her computer, as she was busy typing away already.  “Sir?”

“Are you going to stay on when I’m gone?”

She shrugs.  “Dennis has asked me to stay on.  He said my salary would stay the same.”

I nod slightly.  “Well, what if you could triple your salary?”

She just stares at me.

I laugh at her.  “Come to Dallas.”

“Oh...sir...”

“How about Justin?  I mean, it’s been almost five years.  I think we’ve reached a first name basis in our relationship.”

She blushes.  “Of course sir...er, Justin.”

“So?”

She lets out an exasperated sigh.  “I...I would love to but I don’t know if my family would want to leave.  The children will be graduating high school in a couple of years.  Uprooting them would be difficult at this point.  I know you understand.”

“I...I do but, you’re the best assistant in the world,” I say with a pleading tone.  “I’ll be swimming in issues without you.”

She smiles at me.  It’s a sympathetic smile though.  One that tells me she really doesn’t think she can tell me yes.  “I don’t think I can go, Justin.  There’s just...too much going on in my personal life.”

My smile fades to nothing.  I’m not angry of course, just disappointed that I’m going to lose her along with everybody else who I value as an employee.  “I...I expected that.”

“I do have somebody that might be a good fit for the position though,” she says, before I can go sulk in my office.

“Yeah?”

“It’s my niece, Jessica.  She just finished her thirty six months in the army and lives in Dallas now.  She goes to school, but the last time I spoke to her she told me she was looking for administrative work to add to her resume.  I’m sure it would only be part time that she could do it...but I doubt you’d need somebody to work forty hours a week right off the bat.  If you want I can set up an interview.  You’re going to Dallas after the New Year, aren’t you?”  

I trust Cheryl, so it’s the only reason why I’m considering this.  A college student isn’t my ideal choice for an administrative assistant.  Especially since I can be really fucking needy at times.  But the business is only in it’s infancy, and I need somebody reliable.  Cheryl is such a hard, dedicated worker that I doubt she would recommend a family member to me that didn’t have the same type of work ethic as her.  “Yeah, for a week.  We have to buy the house.”

“So I’ll call her?”

It takes me a moment more to decide.  “Sure, call her.  I’ll do the interview when we go down.”

She smiles brightly.  “Wonderful.”

I hope so.