It took me hours to find my brother, and it wasn’t the way I wanted to spend my evening at all. After the day at work I had, the only thing I wanted to do was curl up with Abbey and the kids on the couch and watch Family Guy. Naturally, Austin had to ruin that for me too, and when I found him hanging out in front of that convenience store, laughing with those kids like what he said to Abbey didn’t phase him at all, it took everything in me not to slam his head into the concrete sidewalk. I drove around the corner, because I was sure he hadn’t seen me. They were all drinking cans of what I knew was beer and smoking cigarettes, oblivious to the rest of humanity. I parked my new BMW out of site, and decided to give my brother the shock of his lifetime.
“You got one for me?” I yelled as I angrily walked towards them minutes later.
They all stopped laughing when they saw me.
Austin dropped his beer right away, and his eyes grew wider, as his face drained of color. It made me smirk a little. He knew he could get away with talking crudely to Abbey when I wasn’t around, but when I was, he knew he wouldn’t be getting away with shit. He stood, frozen in his place when I reached where he stood, and I grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and dragged him towards me. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Austin?”
He whimpered.
“Go on.” I waved the other boys away with my hand. “Get the hell out of here before I call the cops.”
They ran, like the timid little pussies I knew they were.
“Some friends,” I told him, as I shook him. “Right?”
“I...”
“Tell me something,” I said to him gruffly as I yanked him down the sidewalk by the collar of his polo shirt. “Am I a bitch?”
He sobbed.
I swung him around and pressed him into the brick wall. He struggled for a few seconds, before realizing I had overpowered him, and stopped moving.
“Answer the question.”
He was trembling. “N-no...”
r32;“Oh, but Abbey is right?”
“I...”
“How dare you.” I brought my face close to his, and breathed the words angrily at him. “She has so much to deal with, and she does her best to make you happy. We both do, and then you pull shit like this? Drinking and smoking, hanging out with those losers when Abbey has asked you not to?”
“She’s not my mother!”
I couldn’t believe him, gave him a dark look and let go of him so he could move away from the wall. “You have a serious problem.”
“Fine! Good! I don’t care what you think!” He screamed it at me as the tears poured down his face. “I hate it here!”
“You’re so fucking ungrateful.” I gripped him firmly by the arm and started to drag him over to my parked car. “I give you whatever you want. I just bought you a really expensive sports car so you’ll have something to drive when you pass the test, and I’ve helped you overcome some serious shit in your life. This is how you repay me? What kind of a role model do you think you’re being for Davey right now?”
“Who cares! He doesn’t need me anymore! None of you do! I’m just a babysitter now!”
I shoved him forward. “Get in the damn car.”
He stopped, his gaze defiant as he crossed his arms. “No!”
“I said get in!” I walked around to the passenger side, and thrust the door open. “Now!”
“I want to go back to Memphis!”
It was silent after that, only the sound of people hollering at each other in the street, reminded me that we were indeed standing in the grittiest area of downtown Dallas. “Why?”
“Because I belong there!”
He clutched his stomach, then he leaned over, and threw up in the middle of the street. I had to stand behind him and hold him up at one point because he was so sick. I had no idea how many beers he’d had, but knew it was probably why he was able to yell at me without being afraid. It took him a good twenty minutes to get control over himself, and I made sure to hand him some napkins and a plastic garbage bag out of my glove box before I allowed him to sit inside my brand new car.
He sobbed all the way home, and when we walked in the door, I found Abbey sitting on the couch watching TV with Davey. It was after nine, a little past his bedtime, but I was sure she needed comfort from him, and it was the only reason she’d allowed him to stay up.
“Say it.” I told Austin, as I pulled him to a stop in front of the couch before he could go hide, or puke in the bathroom. Even though he’d been sobbing like a fool in the car, I made sure to lecture him some more, and warned him that he better apologize to Abbey when we walked in the door.
Abbey looked up at us, and I could tell she’d been crying for a long time. Her eyes were red and her face was full of tear stains. Davey was silent. He knew something bad had happened, so he just buried his face in Abbey’s lap like he always did when he was overwhelmed.
“I’m...” He looked back at me over his shoulder.
“Right now, Austin.”
He hiccuped. “I’m sorry, Abbey.”
“For?” I said.
“For...for bein’ disrespectful.”
I shoved him forward. “Go clean yourself up, and don’t wake up the babies. If you have to puke, make sure you do it in the bathroom that’s far down from the nursery.”
He hung his head low and dragged himself off to do as I said, not giving Abbey a second look.
“C’mon baby,” Abbey whispered to Davey as she stroked his hair and helped him to sit up. “Go get ready for bed, all right?”
He nodded at her, but then he looked at me, an undeniable look of concern in his eyes. “Is Austin okay?”
I pressed my lips together and shoved my hands in my pockets, because I wasn’t sure what I could say to him. I didnt’ want to tell him the truth, that Austin had changed, and now I’d caught him drinking, because I knew it would fuck him up and that was the last thing I wanted for him. Davey had come so far, was a completely different kid, and I loved the one he had become. “He’s just on punishment, Davey.”
“Why?”
“Dave.” Abbey said it to him gently before I could answer, and kissed his face. “Go on, okay? I’ll come say goodnight in a little bit.”
He hung his head low and slid off the couch. “Okay.”
I ruffled his hair as he passed by me. “Night buddy.”
“Night.”
Then we were finally alone.
“Where was he?”
I plopped down on the couch beside her, and let out a long, miserable sigh, as I laced my fingers through hers. “Downtown.”
“Doing what?”
I looked at her. The worry in her eyes was unmistakable. She was sick over Austin, and I hated that more than anything else. “You really want to know?”
“He’s my son, so yeah.”
I sucked in a breath. “Drinking and smoking with those kids. He’s actually kind of drunk right now. He puked in the middle of the street.”
“This is my fault.”
r32;“Hey.” I caressed her face with my hand and smiled for her. “It’s not your fault.”
“But the babies keep me busy. I don’t make enough time for him.”
“He’s old enough to get it. You’re one person and right now the babies need you for more than just entertainment,” I nodded. “Look...maybe...maybe we need to do something drastic, Ab.”
She shook her head sadly, and I pulled her down to rest against my chest. “What are we going to do, Justin? Ship him off to the military?”
I chuckled. “Sounds like a plan.”
She slapped me lightly on the chest. “Be serious.”
“He told me he wants to go back to Memphis.”
“He always says that when he’s angry,” she whispered.
“No, I think he’s serious.” I hated to tell her that, but I felt it was the truth. “I can give Kim a call. She might want to help out.”
She sat up slowly and pulled away from me, giving me a confused, worried expression. “Are you talking about...about sending him away?”
I looked away from her. “It might be the best thing.”
“Or the easiest thing. Justin...we...we cant’ just send him away.”
“It’s not sending him away like we don’t wnant him or something.” I moved closer to her and took her hands in mine, kissing her a little when she started to sob again. “I think he wants to go.”
She shook her head. “No.”
“It’s killing you.” I pulled her back to me and let her rest her head against my chest again. “I know it is, Ab, and that’s not healthy for you...or Davey or the kids. Everything will start to unravel, eventually, if we let this continue with him. Do you think I want to put our marriage at risk for him? I love him, and I know you love him but...if he’s miserable, what are we supposed to do?”
“Work through it with him.”
“Not if he doesn’t want to do his part.”
“Please don’t send him away baby,” she sobbed into my chest. “Please don’t.”
I sighed and kissed her forehead, knowing the solution wasn’t the best one, but I just didn’t know what else to do. All I knew for sure was that Abbey and I couldn’t live with Austin like he was. It was making us miserable, and hell, I didn’t think we deserved to be.
I sat with Abbey on the couch for awhile after that, consoling her as she cried, trying to convince her that everything would work out, somehow. We both knew I was full of it though. I mean, how could I know?
The babies were crying though, and I had to stop focusing on Austin’s problems and concentrate on caring for the twins with Abbey instead. I helped her up from the couch and pulled her along with me to the nursery, hearing her siffling the whole way. We were upstairs and halfway down the hall when I heard it. Austin getting sick in the bathroom. Abbey immediately stopped, gasped and knocked on the door.
“Austin? Can I come in there with you?”
“Go away.”
“Ab.” I put my hand on her shoulder. “I’ll go in, okay?”
She turned to me, and nodded a little. “I’ll just...be in the nursery.”
I kissed her forehead once more. “I’ll be there in a bit.”
She walked off down the hall and I sucked in a breath as I turned the doorknob and walked in on Austin.
It’s one in the morning, three hours since I came in here, and I’m livid. I have to be up in the morning and go to the office, regardless of the crap my brother has pulled tonight. What’s worse...I didn’t get to kiss my precious babies goodnight, and it’s all because of Austin’s stupidity.
r32;“I’m done.”
“No, you’re not.”
He gets a desperate look in his eyes before he turns his head back down into the toilet and starts to vomit all over again. I continue to rub his back while he does it, even though I’m furious. I know I have to, otherwise, he might do something drastic, like...I don’t know...throw up in the nursery or something. The little shit would probably take some pleasure in doing that, so I’ll stay right here.
“I feel like I’m gonna die,” he says to me weakly, once he finishes.
I flush the toilet for him. “Yeah, well you will for a while. This is what happens when you drink too much, and you definitely shouldn’t be drinking at all.”
He sobs as he clutches his stomach. “Make it stop, Justin. Please!”
“You deserve everything you’re getting right now. Maybe this is the only way to wake you up.”
He throws up again, and again.
I’m so fucking exhausted.
“You’re grounded for like...a year,” I tell him after I flush the toilet for the thousandth time. “Just so you know.”
“Fine! Fine! I just want to feel better!”
He’s sobbing like a child.
But I guess...I guess he still is a child. I tend to forget that I guess, because he tries so hard to act more mature than he really is.
“Austin.” I sigh harshly and run a hand through his messy hair. “Why...why are you acting like this?”
“I feel invisible. All the time.”
“What more do we have to do?” I scoff. “I mean, shit kid, you have it made out here. The universe can’t revolve around you twenty four seven, and right now...the babies are going to take up a lot of our attention. It doesn’t mean we don’t love you. I mean, do you even realize how much Abbey loves you? You’re a huge part of her world, and she talks about you all the time.”
He coughs and shrugs. “It’s not the same.”
“You have to learn how to adapt, Austin. The rest of us have. Look at Davey. He finds things to do when Abbey is caught up.”
He doesn’t answer, and it’s quiet for the longest time. The bright side is he’s stopped getting sick for now, but I have one more thing I’d like to cover with him before I help him into bed. “Did you mean what you said about Memphis? That you want to go back?”
He only glances at me. “Why?”
“Because I wanna know.”
“It’s not like I can, so why talk about it?”
“I never said you couldn’t go back. I just didn’t know if you were being serious.”
He shifts a little, and winces as he forces himself to sit up a little more. “You’d let me go back?”
I can’t look at him. It hurts too much. “If that’s...if that’s the only way you’ll be happy. I guess I just thought you liked being a part of this family.”
“I don’t know how I feel anymore.”
“So I’ll call Aunt Kim and ask if you can go stay with her, then.”
I stare at him.
I pray that he doesn’t tell me to do it.
“You think she would say yes?”
He’s smiling a little.
I bite my bottom lip. It’s taking everything inside of me not to break down right now. I see...I see myself in him. I can feel exactly what he’s feeling inside, because that’s how I was. That’s why I left home and started a new life, because I convinced myself I didn’t fit in with the family that I had. “Maybe.”
“I feel like I belong in Memphis,” he tells me, with an honest and sincere expression. “Davey forgot about it, but I never have. “I still love it there. I still call it home.”
I know he really means it. That absolutely kills me.
And I don’t even want to think of how Abbey is going to take this.
“You know that we love you, Austin, right?”
“Yeah...” He stares down at his lap. “But I...I don’t think I love either of you enough to stay here.”
The tears start to glide down my face.
It hurts me, so bad, like this bright burning fire inside of my chest. “You’re serious?”
“Things were...different before. Before the babies...Abbey was different, and you were too. I’ve stayed the same, and all of a sudden...it’s like I’m the bad one. I’m always doing something wrong, and all Abbey seems to need me for is to watch Davey or do some chore.”
I shake my head. “Austin...”
“I want to go to high school in Memphis, and live with Aunt Kim. She understands me.”
I refuse to break down and cry. Refuse, because...he’s not worth it. He’s talking to me like he can’t stand us, the family that Abbey and I have built together. Doesn’t he remember what Abbey did for him? How she took care of him? He’s the one that ran away from home simply so he could be with her again, and now...now neither of us are good enough? Now...
Now he doesn’t love us enough to stay?
“Then I’ll call her.” I grunt it at him and force myself to my feet. “Turn the light off when you go to bed.”
I walk out on him.
He doesn’t try to stop me.
I know I’ve lost him too.
I crawl into bed. Abbey is laying in her usual spot, but I can tell she’s wide awake. I glance at the clock only to find that it’s three in the morning. Shit.
“Is he all right?”
I slide my body close to hers, and kiss her in the darkness. “He’ll be fine in the morning.”
“You were in there a long time. Did you two talk?”
“A little.”
“What’d he say?”
“Nothin Ab. I’ll talk to you more about it tomorrow after I get home.”
“Please don’t keep something important from me, Justin. That won’t help the situation.”
She’s right, but at the same time, I don’t want her to get anymore upset than she is right now. I hate that I don’t have a choice. “He...he wants to go back to Memphis.”
She sobs.
“Baby...” I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me, and she continues to cry into my bare chest. “Look, it...it might be the best thing for him right now. Nobody said it has to be forever.”
“We’re going to lose him. Justin...you...you can’t let him walk out of our lives! There has to be something else you can do...or say to him that will change his mind, right?”
“Ab I...I don’t know. Right now I feel like he’s living on another planet.”
“But we can try,” she says desperately.
“Abbey.” I reach out and turn my light on. We both squint at each other for a moment, but my eyes finally adjust and I kiss her forehead. “Are you really up for more headaches? It’s not about him being angry, or insubordinate now. He’s...he’s very unhappy here.”
“I love him.”
“So do I.” I caress her face with my hand and look right into her eyes. They’re so sad, so desperate for any other solution other than this. “But he’s not going to get any better. Believe me, I know...he’s my brother.”
“What did we do?” She whimpers. “How did we fail him?”
“We didn’t.” I pull her to me again, and squeeze her tight, trying to make her believe none of this is her fault. “He just...he’s just not the same kid, and we’re not the same people we were before the babies were born. Austin needs something...something that we can’t give him anymore. I don’t know what it is, but apparently he thinks Kimberly is the solution. Hell, maybe he just wants somebody that’s a direct link to our mother. I don’t know anymore, but killing ourselves to figure it out isn’t fair to us or to him.”
“So we...we’re just going to give up on him?”
“It’s not giving up...it’s just...giving him the space he wants from us. In six months, he might be begging us to take him back, who knows?”
“I’m going to talk to him about this. Maybe I can convince him to change his mind.”
“Ab...I really don’t...”
“I’m doing it, Justin. Jesus! He’s my son...my son! I’m not losing him without a fight!”
“All right...” I trail off and rub her shoulder a little, as she whimpers into her hands. “I...I know. I’m sorry.”
“You better get some sleep,” she tells me after she gets a little control of herself.
“Yeah.”
I snap my light off, and lay down, my eyes wide open, listening to her cry herself to sleep, before I’m finally able to drift off.
The alarm buzzes too soon, letting me know it’s Monday morning. If this were New York, and I was at Goldman, I’d seriously call in today, despite missing my board meeting.
But I can’t, because I work with incompetence for the moment. If I miss a day, the results could be disastrous. I force myself to get out of bed with that thought in mind, and find that Abbey has already gotten up. It’s normal for her. I’m sure she’s feeding the babies and getting Davey ready for school. She drives him. It’s only twenty minutes away.
I get myself together and head out to the kitchen, taking a seat at the island. Davey is already there, shoving his frosted flakes into his face, and I smile at him and ruffle his hair, and he greets me enthusiastically. Abbey is standing at the end of the island with the babies in their high chairs, attempting to feed them their mushy baby food.
Austin is nowhere to be seen.
“Baby?”
She glances at me. I can see the pain in her eyes, and she looks like she’s on the brink of tears all over again. “Hey.”
“Where is he?”
“I said he can stay home.”
God. “Abbey.”
“He’s...he’s sick.”
“He has to learn,” I tell her seriously. “You can’t...give into him.”
“Justin, please.”
She’s trying to fix this the only way she knows how...by keeping him close to her. My guess is, she’s going to try and connect with him today, but after last night and the things he said, I just don’t think she can. It scares me that she might turn into more of a wreck by the time I get home to her, but if there’s one thing I know about Abbey...it’s that she’s persistent and she never backs down if she wants something bad enough. It makes me smile at her, because...while I’m afraid for her, I know it’s one of the qualities I love most about her. “Good luck.” I say it as I walk over to where she’s standing and wrap my arms around her, giving her a long kiss on the mouth. “I’ll call you in the afternoon, all right?”
She smiles for the first time since I got home yesterday. “Thank you.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Happy Thanksgiving!
Story Tags: triangles justinandtrace executivej
