Chicken or beef?
Beef or chicken?
God.
What happens if I make Beef Wellington and Justin gets angry because it’s Braeden’s favorite dish? Or will Braeden think I’m disrespectful if I make southern friend chicken simply because it’s Justin’s? I don’t know.
I wish I could like...disappear or something. Just for tonight.
I want to catch up with Braeden, though. Mostly, I think it’s the right thing to do, and I know Justin doesn’t have a problem with it. After all this time, my husband still respects him. The fact that he flew Mark out to see his brother for Christmas proved that to me. I think I always knew we would see each other again eventually, too.
But I never thought it would be this soon, or without any notice at all.
“Faf faf faffff.”
r32;I stroke Vicki’s face as she babbles with her hand in her mouth and kicks her feet happily in the stroller. Mason is finally asleep, tired from crying due to the pain in his mouth. I hate that it’s one of the times in his life that he’ll have pain that I can’t take away completely. The doctor says they’ll both go through this, and has given me suggestions on how to help them cope with the pain, but nothing seems to work better than rubbing ice on his gums. That’s been my game plan lately, only...it’s hard when Victoria is awake and just as in need of my attention at the same time.
“I got the ice cream, mom!”
I look to my left and find Davey standing there, flashing me a wide smile as he holds the ice cream in his hands, along with a box of superhero themed popsicles. Of course, I didn’t tell him to get those, but I’ll let him get something special because he’s been so good about the move, and everything else. I stroke the top of his head gently and return his grin. “Thanks, baby. Just put those in the cart, okay?”
He drops them in. “What’s next!”
I laugh at him and scan the list with my eyes. “How about you go get me some spreadable butter. Land O Lakes. Okay?”
“Got it!”
He runs off. It’s so weird, out of everything he’s done in Texas so far, his favorite thing to do is run around the grocery store, gathering things for me. I told him I have a friend coming to dinner tonight as well, and that made him even more excited. He loves having company at the house, and I guess that’s because...now that I think about it, Braeden will be our very first guest from out of town since the move.
That’s so fucking crazy.
“Chicken or Beef, Aus?”
He looks up from the video game magazine he’s been indulging in since we walked through the doors, and shrugs. “Depends what you’re gonna make.”
“Fried chicken or Beef Wellington.”
“I don’t know what Beef Wellington is. It sounds foreign.”
I allow my rigid body to loosen up after that, and let out a laugh. I think I might be making a big deal over nothing, but I just...can’t be sure. “Chicken it is.” I drop the meat into the cart and he pushes it forward while I push the stroller, as we head to the produce section.
“Why’s Braeden coming to dinner?” He mutters. “I thought he was gone.”
I stop walking and turn back to him. This time his eyes are looking into mine, and I know I have to give him an answer.
It would help if I knew the answer myself first though.
“He’s in town working on Justin’s building, that’s all. We thought it would be a nice gesture.”
“Are you going to...to go away with him again?”
I sigh and put my hands on his shoulders, feeling the tears building up behind my eyes. “I wouldn’t do that.”
He looks at the floor. “Are you sure?”
I kiss his cheek and he grimaces, embarrassed. “I promise you. This isn’t like before.”
“O-okay.”
It’s been a good day for Austin and I. The first one we’ve had in a really long time. I kept him home from school today. I’m so afraid of losing him, that I didn’t care if he was hungover. I’m desperate to work things through with him, before Justin calls Kim and she agrees to let Austin live with her. I know she would. She loves him enough, and I’m sure she’d like to have some company back in Memphis. But I don’t want him to leave. He’s my son and I love him so much. I don’t know what else I have to do to prove that to him, but I’m going to give it all I have, even if I lose every hour of sleep and all of my energy. I’ll sacrifice it all for him.
Austin came downstairs this morning while Mason was screaming his head off. I think my baby’s pain was the worst it’s ever been today, and I was doing my best to ice his gums and hum to him gently. But Victoria was fussy too, and I knew she wasn’t hungry. I’d just changed her too, so that meant she was in need of some attention. Unfortunately, Mason needed it more than his sister, and while that made me feel bad, there was nothing I could do since Justin was at the office.
“Do you...do you need help?”
I turned and found Austin standing at the opposite end of the kitchen island, the look in his eyes full of regret. He knew he was wrong for saying the things he said to me, and going off to get drunk with his friends. I guess he was trying to tell me he was sorry in his own way, but I would take it. I would take anything from him at that moment. “Well...I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t feel like doing.”
“I...I can help,” he whispered.
“Victoria wants to be held, that’s all.”
He nodded, and gently reached into the little seat and lifted her gently into his arms.
“Support her head.”
He corrected himself, and then smiled down at her as she wriggled in his arms and whined. “What...what should I do?”r32;
“Give her the pacifier.”
He grabbed it off the table and gently pressed it into her mouth. She took it after a moment, and began to calm down. “Do you think she likes me?”r32;
“Of course,” I smiled at him. “They both love their uncle Austin.”
It made him smile again, and he continued to hold her and rock her in his arms.
“Austin...”
He glanced at me.
“I know that you and Justin...had a talk last night.”
He only nodded.
“I don’t want you to leave, okay? I love you too much.”
“I dunno,” he sighed. “I...I might like it better in Memphis.”
“I’d miss you. Justin would too, even if he doesn’t act like it. You know how stubborn he can be when he’s angry.”
He just shrugged though, and I knew I couldn’t push the issue with him. He might have gotten angry, and the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight with him again. I let the subject go after that, helped him to sit on the couch with Victoria while he watched TV and I tended to Mason. He stayed with her the rest of the morning, until she needed her next bottle. I was impressed with him and thankful, but I knew making a big deal about it might have put him in another weird mood. So I made a big deal about it to Justin instead. He tried to seem happy that my morning had gone well, but I knew he was forcing that for me. He didn’t think Austin could change overnight, and I guess I had to accept that too...
The difference was, I didn’t want to.
Then I heard Braeden’s voice come over the line, and I couldn’t think about anything else. It was just...surreal that he was in town, unknowingly close to me. I was sure he didn’t know about my move to Dallas, because he hadn’t answered the letter I wrote to him. He let it go, because he probably felt weird back then. Now though, I can tell he’s different. He sounded so good, so much better and more normal than he had in a great while. I could tell he was a little bit more like the guy I remembered before Afghanistan, and that was great for him.
I’m just praying he doesn’t expect anything from me, because I can’t give it to him.
I just...don’t love him anymore, not after the things that happened between us. Being friends will be a stretch, but I can try.
It’s just going to take awhile.
Austin and I rifle through the pile of potatoes in the produce section, picking the very best looking ones for our dinner. Davey catches up with us after a while, with the butter, and some kind of toy, which I tell him he can’t have. He pouts slightly, but when Austin tells him to stop, he does it. It makes me smile. Austin is really taking charge today, and I’m not sure why.
He reminds me of Justin. How he can have a heart, even though he tries not to let it show. Maybe this is what he needs, to feel wanted for more than just helping out with the kids. I think he feels like he has to take care of me sometimes, and I’m not sure, but it might be the way he was with his mother too. If I can completely figure it out, I’ll let him do it, but it’s going to take some time that I don’t know if he’ll let me have.
We get to the register, and Davey manages to con me into getting him a candy bar, and I make Austin pick out one too, before we put everything up on the conveyor. When I go to pay, Mason starts to squeal again, probably in pain, and I sigh as I slide my debit card through the reader.
r32;“I’ll get him.”
Austin pushes past me and wheels the stroller over to a bench by the window. I stare after him for a few moments, just smiling, feeling a tear or two gliding down my face because...because I think I might have gotten him back today.
I don’t want to get my hopes up, though.
When we get home, I put Victoria down for a nap, but Mason won’t allow me to put him down for one. He’s in too much pain to sleep, and again...Austin steps in and offers to ice his gums while I start to fix dinner. I sit him down on the couch with the baby, and give him another kiss on the cheek, which he accepts a little better this time around.
r32;“How about me and you do something on the weekend, Austin? Just us?”
He stares at me for a moment, as he starts to rub the ice on Mason’s gums. “What about Justin and Davey and the babies?”
I shrug. “I think they can handle us being gone for a day or two. C’mon, what do you say?”
He smiles, only slightly. “Like...we can take an overnight trip?”
“Maybe. I can talk to Justin about it and see what he thinks. Mason’s teething so we might have to make it two day trips.”
He nods, seeming to understand. “That’s okay too.”
“Great.”
I leave him sitting with Mason on the couch and go back to fixing dinner, a smile on my face, feeling like everything is going to work out. I call Davey into the kitchen after a while and tell him to set the table for five, which he agrees to do with enthusiasm. Since he’s never met Braeden, I know their encounter will be slightly easier.
I’m just taking the rolls out of the oven when the phone rings, and Davey races through the kitchen, grabbing it off the wall before I can even put the baking sheet down on the trivet.
“Timberlake residence! Davey Timberlake speaking!”
He loves doing that, and I just laugh and smile as I lean against the counter and wait for him to find out who it is.
“Hi Justin! Yeah, I had a good day! We went to the store! No, I got popsicles though! Chicken! Okay love you, love you!” He pulls the phone away from his ear and takes a moment to catch his breath. “It’s Justin!”
“Oh yeah?” I laugh as I walk across to take the phone from him. “Thanks for preparing me.”
He hands the phone off to me and skips away. I can hear Austin barking something at him a moment later, but I ignore it and let them banter as I take the call. “Hey you.”
“Hey. You ready?”
I sigh. “I guess so.”
“You’re not mad are you? I just...I thought it would be decent to invite him over.”
“No, I’m not mad. I guess I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all. It’s a good thing. I mean, I wanted to catch up with him eventually.”
“Well he seems a lot...saner, if that means anything.”
I just laugh. “Are you almost here?”
“Getting off the exit now. He’s right behind me, and he asked if there will be some extra food to take back to his hotel with him. I guess his boss is sick of eating fast food. I should called to ask you but...today was kind of nuts at the office.”
Good thing I bought that family pack of chicken. “There should be plenty.”
“Great. How’s Austin?”
“He was a huge help today.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah I...I think I’m starting to understand what’s going on with him a little more. I was going to spend some extra time with him on the weekend if you’d be willing to watch the other kids.”
“If you think it’ll help.”
He doesn’t sound hopeful, but I expect that from him. Austin has completely pissed him off, and he doesn’t get over things like that as easily as I can. “I do.”
“Then whatever you want to do, babe. I’ll handle things at home. Maybe I’ll even put Davey to work.”
“We’ll talk about it later,” I chuckle. “I’ll see you in a minute.”r32;
“Love you.”
“I love you too.”
I hang up and sigh. There’s no turning back now.
I see Justin’s car pull into the driveway from my kitchen window about fifteen minutes later. A dilapidated pick up truck pulls in behind him, and I know it’s Braeden. I feel my body begin to tremble, and I know I have to snap out of it. I pour myself a glass of wine, and sip it quietly, hoping like hell that this night goes well.
I hear Davey laughing in the living room moments later, and I know Justin has probably walked through the door and thrown him over his shoulder. I pull the rest of dinner together, making sure it can’t get cold before I go to greet my husband. He’s in the great room with his brothers and Mason, kissing the baby’s forehead as Davey clings to his leg and babbles on about his exciting trip to the grocery store. I look around for Braeden, but when I don’t see him, I’m assuming he must still be outside.
“Hey babe.” Justin smiles and pulls away from the kids so he can give me a long kiss on the mouth. He wraps his arms around my waist after that, and stares back into my eyes, trying to calm down the insecurities inside of me.
“Hi.”
“Where’s Vicki?”
“Napping. I’ll probably have to get her in a few minutes.”
“I’ll get her up. The guest of honor is outside, taking in the landscape,” he laughs. “I think he’s kind of overwhelmed.”
“Do you remember the size of my parents house? His parents house is the same way. Of course he’s overwhelmed.”
He shrugs. “So you’re spoiled now.”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t think we should let him stand out there all night, do you?”r32;
“Depends.” He flashes me a cocky smirk. “What would we do instead?”
I slap his shoulder. “Hold down the fort would you?”
He just laughs at me. “Sure thing.”
At least one of us isn’t nervous about this dinner. Although, I know him, and he tends to hide his emotions very well when he wants to. In reality, he’s probably just as uneasy about this as I am. Hell, maybe even more.
I walk outside with that in mind, and when I see Braeden standing a little ways down the front walk, I know it’s up to me to make tonight work, for my husband’s sake, and for my children’s too.
“Hi, Bray.”
He seems to snap out of whatever daze he was in as I say it, and looks right at me. “Oh.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks nervously back on his heels. “Hey, Abbey.”
It means he’s nervous and uneasy, otherwise he’d be calling me Babs and pulling me in for a hug. But despite how uncomfortable he is, I can’t deny that...he’s not the same Braeden I left back in Killeen almost two years ago. It’s crazy that it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other, but it looks like the time has done him some good. He doesn’t have the tired, withdrawn expression anymore. His face isn’t pale, and his eyes aren’t...dead. There’s that light in them now. The one I recognize from years past when we were a vibrant happy couple. I can’t help but smile and thank the heavens for that look. It means...it means he’s going to be okay. That he can go, and live his life without so much fear and despair. “How...how are you?”
“Oh...you know.” He forces that infamous smile for me as he walks a little closer to where I’m standing. “Getting there.”
I nod. “You’re working now?”
“Yeah. They discharged me after...” He trails off shakes his head, trying to shake off the memory. “I live in Arizona and do construction now. Anthony helped me. You remember him right?”
“The other one?”
He nods. “He’s my best friend now, you know? He took me in when I had no place else to go.”
I press my lips together, a surge of guilt running through me, thinking about what he must have gone through after what he did to his mother and...the other stuff. “I’m really...glad, Bray.”
“Looks like things worked out for you.” He laughs a little as he gazes around the outside of my house. “You’re living the life I guess?”
I shrug. “This is more Justin’s thing. I mean, I love it here, but I’d give it up if I had to for my family.”
“Figured you say that,” he smiles. “You haven’t changed at all.”
I know I haven’t. Braeden still knows me. The divorce and the things that took place beforehand, didn’t change that. I think he’ll always be able to see deep down into me. Not quite like Justin of course, but the way he’s always been able to. “Do you...um...do you want to come in?”
“Probably a good idea. I’m sure your husband is a nervous wreck right now.”
He’s right, and I just smile as I push the door open for us with my back.
“Babs.”
He steps up to me, and I look down at the ground. “Yeah.”
“I...know things...weren’t the greatest for you when you were with me. But, I’d really like it if we could be friends now.”
My eyes float back up to him. He’s smiling nervously, waiting for me to tell him that we can’t be, because so much has happened. “I’d like that.”
“Hi! Who’re you?”
Davey is sticking his head between the doorframe and my waist, smiling up at Braeden, and I sigh a little, not being able to supress a small laugh as Bray smiles at me. “Davey, this is my friend Braeden. Don’t be rude, stand up straight and greet him properly.”
“But I’m hungry and the food is gonna get cold and Justin said, ‘what the hell is taking them so long!’ So I came to see!”
I grimace. “David!”
Braeden cracks up. “You’re a little ball of energy, aren’t you?”
Davey stares back at him for a moment, unmoving, a realization seeming to dawn on him the longer we stand here. “You’re the man from the TV.”
Oh God. I hoped he would have forgotten, but it was a big deal, so why would he?
Braeden gives me a strange look.
“When you came home...it was on the news,” I tell him quietly.
“Oh...” He trails off and his eyes get a little wide, and I can tell he gets it. “You’re right. I am.” He crouches down to meet Davey’s level.
“You’re a soldier?”
“Not anymore.”
“Are you going to steal Abbey again?”
He laughs and looks down ground. “No, her place is here with you. Although, she is a good friend of mine, and I’d like to visit more if I can.”
He studies him for a few more moments, in the way that only a child can to determine if somebody is safe or not. “Do you want to come in the house and look at my room?”
“How about after dinner?”
Davey looks up at me and I nod at him.
“Okay!” He tugs at Braeden’s hand. “Come on! You can sit near me!”
I raise an eyebrow as Braeden allows himself to be dragged through the door by my son, and he looks back over his shoulder after a moment, smiling at me like he always used to back when we were younger. I return it, and shut the door behind me when I walk back into the house. After a moment i can hear Justin greeting him and calling out my name to come join them. It’s a different sort of situation, sure, and right now, I’m in disbelief that Bray can act this calm after so much has happened.
At the same time though, I think he needs to do it, for his own sanity.
I know that I can be his friend now, despite everything, and it proves me even more that this is the way things were always supposed to be with us.
I just hope that one day, Braeden can find somebody that will love him as much as I used to.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Here's another one for you guys! Enjoy!
Story Tags: triangles justinandtrace executivej
