“No Davey! I said I don’t feel like it!”

“But I want to play!  You can’t play with just one player!  You need two!”r32;
“Boys.” I grunt at them harshly and they both freeze as they look over at me.  I adjust Victoria in my arms and narrow my eyes at them. “This isn’t the time or the place.”

Austin just nods and sits down, while Davey starts to spread his Uno cards all over the floor in a pitiful attempt to entertain himself.  Whatever.  I don’t care what he does, as long as he stays out of my hair.

God, I don’t want to feel this way about him, or Austin.  I never have before, but this is a very, very trying time for me in general, and I’m surprised I haven’t snapped at Justin yet.

Although, he hasn’t given me a reason to.  Actually, we haven’t been seeing nearly enough of each other since we flew out here. He seemed to step up to the plate as soon as we got off the plane, taking on the role of family caretaker.  He’s doing his best to keep things organized, keep my mother from losing it completely, and make certain that my father is only seen by the very best neurologists and doctors.  They’ve flown in from all over, the very best medical professionals in the country.  I have no clue how Justin pulled it off, but I haven’t asked.  He doesn't want me to ask.  He just wants me to sit tight, and try to keep my emotions in check, while he does all the hard shit.  

I love him for that.  

Late at night when we finally go back to my parents house to get some sleep, I can tell how fatigued he is.  He’ll help me get the babies settled, and make sure the boys are in bed, before pulling me into a bedroom with him and wrapping his arms around me.  He’s passed out within ten minutes.  That’s the only time we’re ever really alone, but I don’t care.  I’d rather get to fall asleep in his arms than on the floor of the waiting room.  It’s keeping me from going off the deep end, and he knows that too.

It’s been almost two weeks since we’ve been here, and the stress has been bearing down on me more and more as time has passed.  We were supposed to make a trip out here next month, stay with my parents and let them ogle over the babies for a week.  It was supposed to be a happy time. A time for the babies and the boys to bond with my parents while Justin and I found time to go out and do things together like the young couple that we are.

Instead, we’re here now, at Platte Valley Medical, huddled together, waiting on a word, any word, that my father is going to start pulling through this.

It doesn’t look very good right now.

They said it just happened to him.  One minute he was at work, selling cars like any other day, and then he just...froze, and dropped to the ground.  He slipped into a coma during the ambulance ride to the hospital, and has been out since.  They said it was a blood clot that cut off the circulation of blood and oxygen to his brain, and his main neurologist seems to think that he was prolonged of oxygen long enough to cause him permanent brain damage...

When and if he wakes up.

I’ve tried to keep myself from breaking down.  Actually, I think the last time I cried about this was the day we got the call.  I’ve sucked it all up since then.  Justin tells me he knows that I’m holding back.  Late at night when he holds me against his warm body he tells me that I can cry.  I can’t do it.  I try but...but it’s like my body has taught itself how to hold it all back.  I know it’s bad.  I think it’s the kids that keep me going of course.  The babies still need my attention and since Justin is usually busy yelling at the doctors, demanding answers every minute of the day, that means I’m stuck with the kids.  Austin has been a godsend.  He’s really coming around, helping to look after Davey and the babies, but of course we don’t have time to focus his behavior. I don’t think he’s holding it against me this time, though.

For the first time in months, I think he realizes how much he matters to this family.  That I might collapse if we were to lose him.  Justin too.

It’s the truth.

“Feel like switching?”

My sister sits down next to me, flashing me a warm smile as she cradles Mason in her arms.  She too, has been more helpful than I would have expected.  She was a mess when we first came here, cried into me and all of that.  Justin had a couple of long talks with her though, and she started to calm down a little.  That and the fact that I’ve been having her help out with the babies during the day, has seemed to be getting her through this.  This whole thing has made me realize how therapeutic the twins can be.  They’re still teething so they keep Hannah and I busy.  We have to comfort them constantly, use ice and frozen teething rings to get them by.  Sometimes I’ll go in and sit with my father as I hold one of them, and it seems to help slightly.  I’m able to talk to him as he lies there, tell my babies stories about their grandfather too.  It seems to help them fall asleep, and that’s good, because right now is the worst time for them to be crying and in pain.

“Sure.”  I place Victoria in her carrier as Hannah hands Mason off to me, and I kiss his forehead as Hannah picks up Victoria.  “How is he?”r32;
“Not so bad today.” She flashes me a tiny smile as she kisses Victoria’s cheek and rocks her gently.  “He’s been sleeping a lot.”

I stare down at my son, and he gazes up at me with that smile of his.  The one he hasn’t been showing off lately because of his pain.  “That’s good.  She’s been pretty quiet too.”

Hannah just nods, as she keeps her gaze focused on her niece.  “How’s...how’s dad? Have they said anything?”

I shrug.  “Doctor Adams came out before and said he has strong brain activity today, whatever that means.  Mom’s been in there all morning with him.  I haven’t wanted to bother them, you know?”

“Yeah.”

It’s silent, for the longest time after that.  My sister is like me, like my dad, doesn’t want to become too emotional, because she knows she’ll never make it back to this level of sanity otherwise.  “Where’s Mark?”

“He’s home...”  She trails off for a moment.  “He said he had to talk to his parents.”

I won’t ask questions, but at the same time I’m curious.  Mark has been a lot...better, since I came out here.  He knows who was responsible for his reunion with Braeden, so in turn, he’s been trying to help my family out whenever possible.  I know Justin took him to the grocery store yesterday, just to get him away from all of this for a little while.  I guess they talked.   I asked him that night in bed and he told me that Mark seemed to be over whatever bad feelings he’d been holding inside of him due to our marriage.  That’s good I guess...

But he and I still haven’t sat down and really talked about anything yet.  I won’t expect it though.  There’s too much going on right now with dad for me to focus on Mark.

“I think Braeden might be coming,” Hannah continues.  

I look up at her slowly, and feel my eyes go wide.  While I knew he would probably find out about my dad eventually, I never thought he would actually make the trip.  There’s still too much bad blood for him here.  His parents...would make things very difficult for him if he came, I’m sure.  But at the same time, it’s my dad, somebody he’s known since he moved to Brighton all those years ago.  My parents are like family to him, Hannah is like family to him.  I am too...

Even if we’re not together, and never will be again.

“How...how do you know?”

“Mark called him yesterday.”

I nod slightly.

“Barbara and Sammy can’t stay angry with him for the rest of his life,” she mutters.  “Bray is their son and...like, he shouldn’t even be alive right now.  What he did was bad but...he’s better now.”

“You know how Barbara is,” I remind her.  

“It’s Sammy, not Barbara.  She wants to see him, Mark told me that.  But Sammy doesn’t want anything to do with him.  It’s...it’s wrong.  It’s like he can’t understand what Braeden went through.”

I know it’s a difficult situation.  Sammy is reacting the only way he knows how, the protective way.  He doesn’t understand that Braeden is better, that he’s been able to heal and get help.  The whole thing...him coming home, marrying me and moving away, I know was a lot for his family to take in.  Mostly, I feel responsible for the night he hurt his mother, even though Braeden told me it wasn’t my fault.  Maybe he’s right though.  Maybe if I stayed...

Maybe if I stayed that would have been me who was thrown through a patio door.

It makes me shudder a little, thinking about what could have been.

“You guys hungry?”

My sister and I both look up at the same time.  Justin is here now, and plops down into a chair, putting a large tray of food from the cafeteria down onto the coffee table in the center of the room.

 “I got some muffins, sandwiches...whatever.  Dig in.” He moves so he can sit next to me, and take the baby out of my arms.  “You okay baby?” He says it as he kisses me on the mouth.  

I nod slightly, and allow him to take Mason from me.  “I guess so.”

“Eat somethin.”  He nods towards the food as he runs his fingers through our son’s curly  mass of hair.  

The boys immediately take food for themselves, and after a moment, Hannah puts Victoria in her carrier and does the same.  Really, I have no appetite at all right now, but I pick up a muffin and start to put pieces of it in my mouth just so he won’t complain.  I know he worries that I’m not eating enough, and he’s right.  Hannah isn’t either, and my mother is on a completely different spectrum.  Justin has had to sit there with her at some points, making sure she puts something in her stomach.  I know she loves him for it.  “Doctor Adams said dad has strong brain activity today,” I tell him as I chew and swallow.

“Yeah,” he nods.  “I heard.”

Of course he would.  He’s up that guys ass twenty-four seven.  I silently finish my muffin and let out a long sigh.

“Maybe you should get some air,” Justin suggests as she cradles Mason in his arms.  “I got the kids.  Go ahead.”

He knows I don’t look good, and that’s why he’s suggesting I do it.  I guess I don’t.  I guess when I woke up this morning...I knew how bad I looked.  Pale face, worn, disheveled expression.  Tired eyes with bags underneath, from waking up ten times during the night.  Justin knows how bad I’m hurting, but he doesn’t like to make a big deal about it.  He knows that’s what I need.  That if he bugs me I might end up snapping at him.  I guess it’s because he’s been through this.  He lost his parents.  He knows what I feel like, even if my father hasn’t passed.  “Are you sure?”

He smiles lightly and kisses my cheek.  “Take however long you need, Ab.”

I stand up slowly and stretch a little bit, before telling them all that I’ll be back in a little while.  Hannah is fine with it, and Austin barely says a word.  Davey, naturally, begs to come with me because he’s bored, and I’m about to take him, but Justin is quick to tell him no.  I know why.  He feels that I should be allowed to have some time to myself, and I guess I’m grateful.  

I think I could cry right now, and I don’t want Davey to see.

I manage to get outside without breaking down, and look over my shoulder quickly to ensure I’m in the clear before I dig it out of my pocket.  My father’s cigarettes.  I haven’t smoked since high school, but for the past few days I’ve been indulging during the moments I’m completely alone.  It takes the stress away, and I know it’s not the best way to do it, but I just don’t care.  I think Justin knows.  He may have caught me the other night out on the porch before I could completely put the thing out, but he didn’t say anything.

I light up, inhale and exhale the smoke and nicotine.  It perks me up slightly, allows most of the stress inside of me to escape for just a little while.  I put my father out of my mind as I watch various vehicles and ambulances pull in and out of the parking lot.  It soothes me, watching them.  

Then a cab pulls up to the curb, right in front of where I’m standing.  The doors open.  A young brunette girl gets out curbside, and stands a little ways down from me.  Then whoever she’s with gets out too.  The difference is...

I know him.

I know him well.

Braeden looks so strong, so put back together, even though I can tell there are tears in his eyes as he goes around to the now open trunk and collects a few bags out of it.  I know he’s here for my dad and my family, and no other reason.

This girl I know, has to be Jessica too.

She’s about my height, young and very pretty.  She’s perky too.  I can tell because she keeps a smile on her face for Braeden as he drags the bags over to where she’s standing.  I realize he’s focused on her, completely oblivious to the fact that I’m standing here, and when I see him place a soft kiss on her lips...

I know that his life is different now.  That she’s the right girl for him, even though I’ve had my doubts since Justin told me what he did for them.

“Hey Bray.”  I toss the end of my cigarette on the ground and put it out.

He turns slightly, Jessica still wrapped in his arms, and his eyes go a little wide.  He’s probably realizing that I’ve been standing here the whole time, and feels foolish.  “Abbey.”  He lets go of his “girlfriend,” and rushes over to me so he can wrap me up in his arms.

He holds me close and I let him.  I also let myself...break down, finally.  Cry against his chest because despite it all, he knows my family better than most people, and knows how close I am with my father.

“How is he?” I hear him whisper after a while.

“They don’t really know.”  I sniffle as I pull back from him.  “He’s still in a coma.”

He nods slightly.  “Ab...I’m...I’m so sorry...”

“Don’t be.” I force smile and wipe at my eyes a little bit.  “I’m just...glad that you’re here.  My dad would be too, and I’m sure my mom will love to see you.”  

He manages to smile at me, before looking off to his left where Jessica has been standing silently, waiting for us to finish.  I guess she must be respectful.  Shit, I need to come around and accept her.  Braeden can make his own decisions, and if he wants to be in a relationship with this girl, who am I to be so bitter about it? There’s no reason for that.  I guess it’s just because when I first heard about Jessica...we were still married, and I couldn’t understand.  Deep down, I know they never messed around back then.  This is a first for them...being together.

I guess...I mean, I know...I’m happy for them.

“Babs, this is Jessica.”  He holds out his hand for her, and she slowly comes over and takes it.  

“Hi.”  She says it nervously.  “I’ve um...heard a lot about you.”

I smile for her, and we shake hands.  “Hey.”

It’s awkward, and I think we all know that, so when Braeden suggests we head inside to get out of the chilly Colorado air, I don’t hesitate.  We head back to the waiting room, and I smile when I see Justin on the floor, having given in to Davey’s whining that he needed somebody to play Uno with.

“Bray!”  My sister exclaims, and puts Mason down in his carrier before she jumps up and runs over to him.  He catches her in his arms and they hug long and hard.

Justin glances up at me, and smirks a little bit, before turning his attention to his assistant.  Jessica is standing a little bit off to the side, and there is an unspoken conversation taking place between them.  Justin knows what’s been going on, and she knows that he knows.  They’re smiling at each other.  I know that Jessica might just be in love with Braeden, and that...that’s great.

But, she better stay committed to him.

God, stop it, Abbey.

“Hey man,” Justin smiles as he gets up from the floor and shakes Braeden’s hand.  “Thanks for making the trip.”

Braeden nods and eyes me quickly before focusing on my husband again.  “It’s important.  Of course I’d come out.”

“This one been keeping you busy?” Justin laughs next, nodding over at Jessica.  

His face turns bright red.

I know they’re deep into it, and soon it will be like they’ve always been together.  Like the relationship he and I shared never existed.  It’s almost sad but...I know it’s the way things have to be.

“I guess so,” Braeden laughs nervously, and reaches his hand out, which Jessica quickly takes.  He pulls her to him, wraps his arms around her waist and grins at us again.  “Thanks to you.”

“Pleasure.”  

“You can stop embarrassing us now,” Jessica smiles.

“It’s my job to embarrass my favorite employees,” Justin laughs.  “Right Ab?”

“Sure.”  

Braeden stares at me, his happy go lucky expression beginning to fade away.

He knows that this is weird for me, and hell, yeah, I’m admitting it.  It’s weird to see him standing there, holding somebody else in his arms.  No it’s not like I want him back or anything.  It’s just...

I never imagined this for us.

And I guess I know how he probably felt the first time he saw me wrapped in Justin’s arms, now.  The sad thing, is nobody else would understand how I feel.  Nobody besides Braeden and I’m not going to discuss it with him.  He’s come too far and so have I.  

I just have to trust this thing he’s started with Jessica, and hope it works out for him, be happy for him.  I have more important things to focus on, like my marriage, my children and...

And my daddy.

“Folks.”

Doctor Adams has emerged from my father’s room, and immediately, all conversation ceases.  The babies are cooing a little bit, but otherwise, the entire waiting room has fallen silent as we stare at him.  I know he has news.  He wouldn’t look so serious if he didn’t.  

Justin’s hand grabs onto mine, and immediately, I forget my feelings about Braeden.  I squeeze it, and lace my fingers through his, knowing that he loves me, and that he’s prepared to stand by my family no matter the outcome of this.

“What is it?” Justin finally speaks up.

“He’s awake.”r32;

“Oh...my god...”  I whimper, and Justin pulls me close to him so I won’t fall to my knees.  

“He’s okay, right?” Hannah speaks up.  “He’s awake, so that mean’s he can go home soon.”  

“Well, not quite yet.  These things take time, and we’re just starting to crack the surface, and conduct some tests.  For now, we’re not completely sure how much damage has been done to his brain.  His speech is impaired, so we know the left side of his brain has been affected by the stroke.”

“Impaired?” I whimper.

“You’re saying he can’t talk?” Justin says.

Doctor Adams nods.  “He babbles and makes sounds with his throat, but he can’t form any comprehendible words.  He is trying though, and I’m confident that he can understand what’s being said to him. That’s a very good sign that his brain will be able to function somewhat normally after some intense recovery.  We can start him on speech therapy as soon as he’s well enough.  For now, the best thing we can do is let him rest.”

“The girls will need some time with him,” Justin says automatically, because my sister and I are crying so hard, that we can’t speak for ourselves.  “When can they see him?”

“Now is fine,” he nods.  “Just the girls though.  Anymore and he could become overwhelmed.”

He pulls me back to him and kisses me long and hard on the mouth.  “Go on,” he urges.  “Go see him.”

“Justin...”

“It’ll be okay,” he reassures me gently.  “I’m here for you.  I’ll be right here when you get out, but right now your dad needs to see you two, all right? You gotta be strong for your sister.”

“O-okay,” I whimper and nod my head rapidly.  ‘Okay.”

I grasp my sisters hand as we walk into the hospital room.  My mother is sitting by my father’s bedside, speaking softly to him as she holds his hand.  Naturally, she’s sobbing, and he’s just staring at her, babbling something that nobody can understand but him.  His face has more color than it’s had in two weeks, and seeing his eyes open, wide, and full of life fills me up with hope, even if he’s still barely with us.

“Mifs a..lla ala...ar. Alar,” Daddy babbles it loudly, once his eyes land on me and my sister.  Hannah immediately tugs away from me, and throws herself across his chest, crying into it as she wraps her arms around him.  He can’t move well, I can already tell, so he simply lays there while she does it.

“Mom...”  I place a hand on her shoulder.  “Does he...know us?”r32;

“I think so,” she whispers.  “But they say they don’t know when he’ll be able to speak properly or walk again.”

I press my lips together, try to think of something else to say that will ease her mind, but...I realize there isn’t anything I can say.  This is the way things are, how they’re going to be for a while, and we have to try and pull through it the best we can.

“Alar.”

“He keeps saying it,” My mother sniffles and blows her nose into the tissue she’s been holding.  “I’m not...I’m not sure I understand.  I wish I could.”

“Alar.”

“I can.”  I smile gently, and grasp daddy’s hand when he painstakingly flexes his fingers, signaling that he wants me to hold his hand in mine.  “I love you too, daddy.”

For the first time in two weeks, my father smiles at me.
************
The sound of a baby softly cooing jolts me awake.  I look straight ahead at first, still see Daddy in the bed, but he’s fast asleep this time.  “Huh?”

“Hey, babe,” Justin slowly sits down next to me, Victoria in his arms, and doesn’t hesitate to give me a long, lingering kiss on the cheek.

“How...how long has it been?”  I rub my eyes tiredly, hating that I fell asleep here.  

“It’s about ten,” he nods.  “I sent everybody home.  Your mother has Mason and the boys.”

“Oh...” I let out a little sigh.  “All right.  I think I’m gonna stay the night.”

“I figured.  I’m gonna head out soon, but I wanted to let you say goodnight to at least one of our kids.”

I take her from him with a smile, and kiss her head gently, before refocusing on my husband.  He looks a little less tired than he has over the past two weeks, and my guess is he was able to nap at some point after I came in here to be with daddy.  “How do you feel?”

He shrugs.  “I’m all right.  How’s he?”

“Barely there.”

He nods slightly.  “I’m arranging for in home care.  Doctor Adams says he can probably go home in a week if I do that.  All the of the physical therapists and doctors can come work with him at the house.  It’ll be a lot easier on your mom, you know?”

I only nod, can’t speak, because I know I’ll get way too emotional.  If it wasn’t for Justin, I don’t know where my father would be, if he would even be awake at this point.  He’s doing so much for my family, working tirelessly for them without a thought for himself, or his business.  I haven’t been able to think about that until now, but I know losing two weeks worth of work can’t be good.  He doesn’t care about losing money, though.  He’s not the same man he was back in New York City.  

“It’s gonna be okay, baby,” he whispers.  “We’ll get him through this, together.”

“I just don’t know what we would do without you.  I don’t know what...he...would do.”

“He’s family.  I’d do anything for him, Ab.  You know that.”  He kisses the side of my head, and takes Victoria from my arms.  “See you in the morning?”

“Yeah,” I whisper.

“Love you.”  He smiles slightly and gets up from the chair, making his way over to the door.

“I love you too.” I call back to him.

“Night.”

Then he’s gone, and I’m alone again.  After a while, I know I need to get up and stretch my legs, because I can feel the aches and pains taking over my back and legs from sitting for so long.  I venture down the hall to the coffee machine, and punch in my order, tapping my fingers against the glass as I impatiently wait for the coffee to brew.

“Abbey?”

I look over my shoulder, and scowl when I see who has decided to pay me a visit.  “When did you get here?” I mutter it as I take the coffee out of the machine, and don’t give her a second glance as I begin to walk back down the hallway.

I can hear her behind me, desperately trying to keep up.

“I got into town around eight.  I ran into Bray...he told me you’d be here.”

Charlene knows she was wrong. That’s more than obvious.

But I don’t have time to hear her list the reasons why she shouldn’t have said the things she said.  She was done with our friendship, long before Justin and I got married.  I gave her plenty of chances to reconcile, but she chose not to.

It makes me want nothing to do with her.  I was getting over her.  I was living my life just fine without her.

“Abbey could you wait a second?”

My hand is on the doorknob, ready to allow me access back into daddy’s room.  I should walk in there and leave her in the dust.  I want to...

But something inside won’t let me.

“He can’t see too many people at one time,” I tell her.  “I can’t let you go in with me.”

“Then lets talk out here.”

“Why?”

“I know...I was stupid, Abbey.”

“More than stupid.”

“Fine.  More than stupid.”

“Why did you...why did you come down so hard one me, Charlene?  You wouldn’t even let me explain things.  You had no idea what even when down between Bray and I.”

“I just...”  She hangs her head low and I can hear her sniffling a little bit.  “I thought things were starting to get back to normal, that’s all.”

“Things haven’t been normal since Braeden disappeared, Char.  You know that.  Justin was a fluke.  I didn’t know the relationship was going to turn into...all of this.  But I love him.  That’s why I married him, and now we have children together.  I thought you would be happy for us, you know? Instead, you treated me like I was a horrible person for getting divorced.”

She’s silent.

“Yeah I figured you wouldn’t have anything to say.”  I shake my head roughly and begin to open the door.

“I didn’t...know...that he hit you, when we talked on the phone.”

I pause, and after a moment, I look her in the eyes again.  “Who told you that?”

“Braeden told me, when I came out here asking questions after you told me about the divorce.  After that I just...I felt so stupid for not letting you explain, that I decided you were better off without me.  I just want you to know that I’m sorry, Ab.  Not just for this but for everything.”

I think back to when I first got hired by Justin.  How she pressed me to take the job, even though I really didn’t want to.  What if she’d talked me out of it that night? What would have happened?  Braeden would have come home and I would have went right back to him...put up with his abuse until something horrible happened to me.

I stare at her.

I can’t deny that...I owe her a little bit of compassion.  She’s responsible for giving Justin and I starting point.  Without her...

There would be no us, no boys, and no babies.

“Abbey please.  I just want to start over, okay?  I...I love you and now your dad is sick.  All I want to do is help you through it, okay?”  

She’s whimpering this time.  It makes me feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.  “Char I...”

“Please.”

Her hand is on my shoulder, and the tears are rolling down her face.  She’s desperate and she’s sorry.  I hate what she said to me, hate how she jumped to conclusions but...I should try to live with it, get past it, so I can have my best friend back.  I realize that I need her, much more than I thought.  She’s the one person in this world that has seen me at my very worst, and stood by me through it all when nobody else would.  

I put my coffee down on a table, and then...then I hug her.

“I’m sorry,” she cries into my shoulder as we hold each other.  “I’m so sorry about...everything.”

“Me too.”

I feel a part of me come alive again.  One that had been dead inside of me for far too long.  It feels amazing, and I’m thankful.

So thankful to have my best friend back.