“You know, the longer you sit here, the more you’re going to convince yourself to drive away.”
I sigh harshly, and squeeze my fingers tighter around the steering wheel. She’s right, but of course she is. She gets me, deep down. Deeper than I think anybody has ever been able to, even Abbey. It’s weird to admit that to myself, even makes me a little bit sad, because I was convinced she was my soulmate for so long. But I look at Jess now, even though it’s only been two weeks, and just know...she’s it. She’s the one. Nobody is ever going to take her place, and I’ll be damned if I allow myself to be torn away from her by somebody else.
Because I’m in love with her.
I mean, I guess that’s what I am.
It has to be true, because I don’t feel any other way about her. While it’s very sudden, I just know that it’s right.
She does too, because she’s still here with me after two weeks of nonstop togetherness. She’s not getting sick of me, she only seems to be falling harder and harder for me every day we spend together. I tell her I don’t understand, but all she does is laugh, and tells me to stop worrying about it.
So I do.
Justin did the best thing he probably could for us. He sent us someplace secluded to talk for a few days. It was this little bed and breakfast up in North Dallas. The kind of place that doesn’t have cable, has antique furniture everywhere you look, and is extremely quiet. We stayed holed up in the suite together all weekend, talking, eating, and...well, eventually giving in to our hormones. We were given a gift certificate to some fancy restaurant when we checked in, left by Justin, but we didn’t use it. We were going to that first night, but just as we were about to leave, Jessica had a little bit of a meltdown. I recognized it, because I had more than my share of them since I came home. So, I sat on the bed with her instead, and consoled her, completely forgetting about dinner.
She fell asleep in my arms. The next morning, she told me it was the first time she’d been able to sleep the whole night through, since she came back from Afghanistan. It was then, and only then, that she completely opened up to me, telling me everything that took place during her tour. Her best friend got blown away by an insurgent trap, along with three other soldiers. She was the sole survivor, only because her friend had pushed her out of the way in time. She has that survivors guilt. I have it too, because of Lennot and the ten other soldiers who lost their lives down in those cages. Rick has helped me through most of that. I told her about him, about our sessions, told her I want her to come see him with me as soon as the renovation job is done. She wasn’t sure, but didn’t want to talk about it then. She drew closer to me after that, and I made my move. I kissed her, she let me, and then...just like that, we were both naked.
We made love all day long. It wasn’t hollow, empty sex, like it had been with Christine. It was real. I could feel the emotions flowing through my veins as my lips landed on her, as my hands caressed her smooth, soft skin. After, we laid there, her arms wrapped around my torso, her fingers running themselves over the scars on my back. They didn’t freak her out. She expected them. She ran her hands over them as we made love, and told me they were beautiful because they were a part of me. I smiled at her, marveled in her amazing beauty, knowing that she was mine, and I never had to let her go.
“Come back to Arizona with me.” I gently kissed her forehead and smiled slightly, as we laid there together. “After my job is done here.”
She sighed. “Bray...”
“Arizona State is a good school. Anthony’s wife went there. You could probably transfer your credits or something, right?”
“Don’t you think it’s a little soon to be making these kind of plans,” she laughed a little. “I...I care about you, Bray. A lot, and I don’t plan on going anywhere but...I just started over here, and I have a good job. I don’t know if I can afford to give all that up for...you.”
My smile faded. “Things are different with us.”
“I’ll think about it.”
It was good enough. It wasn’t a definite answer, but I knew our construction job was going to last at least another month. In that time, I was certain I could win her over completely, convince her that her place was with me, in Arizona.
But then Mark called me, told me what happened to Jim, and things with me and Jess had to be put on hold. Of course she’s here with me, and that’s so huge for us. I wasn’t going to ask her, but she wanted to come with me. My family is here, and Abbey too. I knew she felt funny about meeting her, and I’m sure Abbey felt the same way. I could see the look in her eyes when they greeted each other. My new relationship confused Abbey, just like her relationship with Justin confused me.
I never expected this for us.
But, things are slowly working themselves out.
Jim has woken up, and now Abbey and Justin are in the process of getting him settled back in at the house before they go back home. I know she would much rather stay here, and hover over her father like a hawk for the next six months, but she has a family now. Those boys need to get back to school and I’m sure Justin needs to get back to the office. As it is, Jessica has told me that they’re going to be swamped when work starts up for them again. He’s such a nice guy though, that he’s paid her for all the time she’s had to miss because of Jim’s stroke. I know he wants to keep her on. Jess is a smart, organized woman, and now that she’s getting her head together, I know she’s going to excel in her position, and make Justin proud.
The only bad thing is, that will prevent her from coming back to Arizona. I don’t want to guilt her into moving there with me either.
Another solution? Move to Dallas to be with her.
But that’s just...such a huge step. I would have to leave Rick behind, Anthony and Kelly, and most importantly...Michael.
The question I have to ask myself is, do I love Jessica enough to sacrifice my comfort zone to be with her?
I think I do, but I’m still undecided. I have to make up my mind quickly though, before the job is finished. Otherwise, I’m going to lose her. A long distance thing between us won’t work. Jessica needs a guy who is going to stick by her side, not call her on the phone. I need to man up if I’m going to be with her, and I know that.
But part of me is almost too scared to. It’s holding me back, and I hate that.
Just like it’s holding me back right now.
Mark told me mom wants to see me. I didn’t believe him at first, but he pushed the issue, and I could tell he wasn’t lying. I guess it was just hard for me to believe that my mom could be so forgiving after what I did to her. I knew my dad didn’t feel the same, and Mark verified that for me when I asked him about it. I told Jessica of course, but she told me I need to do this. That if I don’t, I’ll never make peace with the situation.
We’ve been sitting here, in front of the house I spent a good chunk of my life in, for almost an hour. I’ve been staring at the front door, but I haven’t moved. Jessica hasn’t said much. She knows that a million different things are running through my mind, and that I’m extremely nervous. But what am I going to do? Drive away? That would be a waste of time. I want to go inside, and see my family. It’s the last hurdle. I’ve conquered the night terrors, the thoughts of suicide, the paranoia. I’ve made amends with Abbey...we’ll be friends from here on out, and one day, God willing, we’ll be close friends again.
Now it’s just my parents that are left. This is the hardest part. Rick would be proud of me for doing this. Well...if I go inside anyway.
“Bray.” Her hand falls on my thigh and she smiles at me a little. “C’mon. I’ll be right behind you, okay?”
I sigh harshly, and feel a few tears seep out of my eyes. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“You can. You’ve survived so much more than this, Braeden. You owe it to yourself to try and if...if they can’t understand how much you’ve turned your life around, they don’t deserve to call themselves your parents.”
She believes in me. She really does. It makes me smile, and I lean forward to brush my lips against hers. “Okay...I’m ready.”
“Okay.” She smiles gently before throwing her seatbelt off and getting out of the car.
I take in one last, deep breath. This is it. There’s no turning back now.
Please love me again.
They’re expecting me. At least, I hope they are, but I’m confident Mark gave them the message. I called him last night and told him I was going to drop by today. His car is in the driveway, which means he’s probably waiting in the living room for me, and God willing, my parents are sitting there with him.
We walk up the porch steps together, her fingers tightly laced through mine. She’s not behind me, she’s right here with me, determined to get me over this one last hurdle. We pause, inches from the door. I stare at the brass name plate below the door knocker. The Sampsons. I smirk, just slightly.
Jessica takes the initiative, and lifts the little bar so she can knock on the door. I glance at her, and she smiles at me as she squeezes my hand tighter. I can feel a heavy weight on my chest, start to breath a little harsher, my heart racing as I wait for the door to be opened, revealing the angry people on the other side.
It seems to take years, but then the doorknob rattles, and the door swings open.
My mother is standing in front of me, staring at us like we’re a couple of aliens.
I have no idea what to think, but know I’m about to break down. I can see what I’ve done all too quickly. She has a long scar on the right side of her face. It starts at the corner of her lip and goes all the way across her cheek. That’s all me. I did that to her. Jesus.
“Braeden,” she whispers.
I just stare.
“Mrs. Feldman.” Jessica speaks for me, and sticks her hand out for my mom to shake. “It’s nice to meet you.”
My mother actually returns her hand shake, but doesn’t take her eyes off of me. She’s studying me, marveling in my presence, as if I’ve just come back from Afghanistan. “Mom I...” I suck in a breath, because I don’t want to start sobbing. “I’m sorry.”
I can’t help it. The sobs take over me. I have no control now. I just stand there and cry in front of her, because I don’t know what else to do.
“Bray...shh.” She steps forward and pulls me into her arms, like I’m a little kid who’s just fallen off his bicycle. She holds me and rubs her hand soothingly up and down my back.
And I realize she’s my mother again. Not the woman I pushed through the glass. She’s gotten past that, mostly, and she loves me.
“I love you,” I sob.
“I love you too baby.”
My eyes open as we continue to hold each other on the front porch, and I can see into the house. I see my father standing in the front hall, hands on his hips, sending me an angry glare. One that tells me my mother might be over what happened, but he’s certainly not. It’s a warning look too. One that tells me I’m not welcome in his house, and I certainly don’t want to try to push his boundaries today. “I better go.” I pull away from her finally and force a smile. “But I’ll call.”
“No...why?” Her eyes widen slightly. “Come in.” Her gaze lands on Jessica. “Both of you.”
“I don’t...I don’t think it’s a good idea, mom.”
That strong, bold look takes over my moms expression. One that tells me she’s not about to give me up for a second time. She looks back over her shoulder where my father is standing. “Sammy, I warned you! Get out here and say hello to your son!”
My mother has always had my dad wrapped around her finger from day one. She usually calls the shots, handles the finances, and tells my dad what she expects from him. Abbey hates that about her, and I guess I’ve never really appreciated it but, right now, I know she’s the only one that can give my dad that push and make him come around.
My father shuffles toward the door, miserably, hanging his head low. He knows my mother is pissed and it’s the only reason why he’s giving in right now. He doesn’t respect me, doesn’t want anything to do with me, and after today, I’ll do my best to keep out of his way. “Hey, dad.”
He nods. “Who’s this?” He stares at Jessica as he says it.
“Jessica Mantieri,” she speaks up immediately and steps closer so she can shake his hand. “Braeden’s girlfriend.”
“You manage to stick with this one?” My father half smiles.
“Somehow.” Jess glances back at me and shoots me a reassuring smile.
He’ll come around. Not right away, but eventually. I find myself being able to smile slightly for him, and then...he steps out onto the porch and walks right up to me. At first I’m afraid he’s going to punch me. I wouldn’t blame him. But he only starts to whimper a little bit, and then his arms are wrapped around me in a loving embrace. I return it, cry into him because I’ve missed him so bad.
We’re going to work on this, on everything. We’re going to be a family again.
“Come on inside,” my mom says once my dad and I let go of each other. “I fixed some lunch.” She latches onto my father’s hand and he leads her back inside the house.
“Be right there,” I call back to them.
Then it’s just Jessica and I.
“Guess that could have gone worse,” Jess laughs. “They seem sweet.”
“The day is still young,” I smirk. “Anything can happen.”
“Yeah, but it’s a start, Bray. You have to be thankful for that. They really love you, you know? I think they’re doing the best they can to look past all the crap, and I...I’m going to try hard to make them see what a good guy you are now.” She smiles at me and pulls me down to her so she can give me a short kiss on the mouth.
“It’s crazy that you believe in me this much,” I chuckle.
“Why wouldn’t I?” She cocks her head and smiles. “I...I love you.”
The smile seems to take over my expression almost immediately. It’s the first time she’s said it to me, and I know she really means it. It doesn’t matter that we haven’t been together that long. I think we’ve both felt this way for each other since the very first time we mopped floors together. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her back. “I love you too.”
“I was thinking about Arizona,” she tells me gently.
“Yeah about...that.” I quickly cut her off because...right now, I think I’ve made my decision. It’s the only decision. The only one that makes sense because she has more going for her here than I have in Arizona. I can find work, but it’s going to be hard for her to find a boss like Justin. “I don’t want you to come to Arizona.”
The light leaves her eyes. “You...you don’t?”
“No,” I smile. “I want to move here, with you. I can find work. I don’t...I don’t want to uproot you from the life you’ve built for yourself. You need what you have...I’m better, I can handle myself. It’s just...the next step for me, Jess.”
She caresses my face. “You don’t have to make a decision now.”
“I think I made my decision when you told me you weren’t sure you wanted to leave Dallas. I can’t hide behind Anthony forever. I...I need my own life, and maybe moving here will help me achieve that.”
She smiles. “We’ll talk about it, okay?”
“Yeah.”
There’s nothing more to say after that. She knows the focus is on my family now, and so she takes my hand, and leads me inside. I close the door behind us, thinking back to the person I was when I first came back from my hellish ordeal. I could barely function. I was terrified of my own home, of my own family. Now, I’m grateful for these things.
I’m grateful...so grateful to be alive, now. Even if things haven’t gone exactly the way I planned. I used to map out my life during those long nights in the cage, told myself what would happen when I went home. And then, I came home...but the things I expected to be there just...weren’t. I lost myself because of that, and then...I had to learn to cope with the way my life was going to be.
I’m better for it. I have Jessica, and now, my family. The only thing I can do from this point is grow, better myself, and live for the moment, not for the past and what could have been.
I can’t wait to start.
Author's Chapter Notes:
enjoy!
Story Tags: triangles justinandtrace executivej
