Two months later

“Justin, Mr. Wu cut the check.”

I glance up at her and smile.  “Yeah?”

“It’s a windfall for the firm.”  She walks over to my desk and plops the information on my desk.  “They must love you over there in Asia.”

I shrug.  “Most people do.  I’m a world wide phenomenon.  Didn’t you know?”

“I should totally call Abbey and tell her you said that.”

“You know you don’t wanna do that, Jess,” I laugh.  “I can’t be cocky at home.  Give me a little leverage at the office.”

“Hm, I guess.  But you know, she’s designated me to keep you in line while you’re at work.”

“Yeah, but I pay you.  She doesn’t.  There’s a difference.”

“So? Us women have to stick together.”

I groan.  “Okay, you win.  What do you want?”

“An early Friday?”  She grimaces slightly and won’t quite look at me.  

Most bosses would roll their eyes and tell her she has a job to do, but not me.  It’s been a month since Braeden moved to Dallas, and I can understand why they want to spend every moment of the weekend together.  This is my doing, them being together, so I know the only person I should be angry at is myself.  But I won’t be.  I’m happy for them, really happy, and so is Abbey.  The four of us became fast friends when Braeden relocated here.  We go to dinner, sometimes they even take the kids for us so Abbey and I can have a night out together.  It’s working out, and crazy that it is because...while he’s one of my best friends now, Braeden is and will always be, Abbey’s first love.  “Where’s he taking you this time?”

“Grand Canyon.  We’re going to take one of those donkey rides down to the bottom.  Anthony and his family are coming too,” she smiles.  “I’ll smell like an animal in the end, but...it’ll be worth it.  I’ve never been there.”

“Sounds painful.  Like I’d get hemorrhoids from the saddle.  I’ll take a warm beach any day.”

“I figured you’d say that,” she laughs. “So...can I?”

I lean back in my chair and smile.  “You get those invoices set for me?”

“First thing this morning.”

“Then you can go now.”

She gasps.  “Really!”

“Yeah...go, get out of here,” I smile.  “I’ll see you Monday.”

“Thank you.”  She comes around the desk and gives me a light kiss on the cheek.  “We’ll owe you a favor.  Maybe we can take the kids next weekend for you guys or something.”

“Sounds good.  Trace and Shawna are coming in next weekend, so that’ll work great,” I nod.  “Have fun.”

She leans against the desk.  “Is this Austin’s moving weekend?”

I press my lips together and don’t look up at her.  “Yeah.”

“How...how’s Abbey?”

“Broken up.” I click my mouse around the stocks on my screen, closing a few things and opening some new ones.  “I am too, but...this is what he wants, and I can’t hold him back from being happy.  It wouldn’t be fair.  We’ll see him once in a while.  He’s fifteen, doesn’t really needs us anymore.  At least, that’s what I’m telling myself so I won’t be so angry,” I chuckle.

I’m trying not to be upset but...I’ve had this constant feeling of despair in the pit of my stomach from the moment he said that he still wanted to go back to Memphis.  It was almost a month after we returned from Colorado.  We were all still trying to get back into the swing of things.  We stayed an extra couple of weeks after Jim got out of the hospital, just to make sure he got settled back home okay and that we liked the nurses that were hired to take care of him.  He’s been started on speech therapy.  He still can’t say much.  Just Andrea, Hannah, and Abbey, but that’s a good thing, so I’m told.  It means he has a good chance of regaining most of his basic brain functionality, but it’s going to be a long road.

They say his chances of walking again are slim, though.  It nearly broke Abbey...

But I got her through it.  

We came home somewhat sane, and began to focus on our babies and the boys.  Victoria and Mason have surpassed the teething stage, thank God, but have also started to crawl.  While Abbey and I both shed a few proud tears as we watched them doing it for the first time, I could feel the panic beginning to set in, and knew Abbey felt the same way.  The house had to be baby proofed, because after crawling...came walking, and there were more than enough objects in the house that the babies could injure themselves with, if they walked into them or pulled them down.  It took a few days, and a lot of help from the boys and our housekeepers, but we managed to get everything where it’s supposed to be.  The cabinets are now child locked, and every sharp edge and corner has been baby bumpered.  Yeah, it’s a pain in the ass and God awful ugly, but I’ll put up with it for them, because they’re the most important thing.

The renovations on the new office were done soon after we returned from Colorado.  It’s immaculate here, exactly like the layout I always envisioned, and I made sure to give Anthony a nice bonus at the end, even though I acted like a jerk to him before Braeden came into the picture.  He left soon after, on good terms with me, and made sure to thank me for helping Braeden out.  I think out of everything I said and did for him before he left to go back home, he was most grateful for the help I gave his friend.

Everything was going fine.  I was back at work, and Abbey had fallen back into her normal routine.  Davey was back at school, doing better than ever.  He’s getting into art, which of course, is one of my favorite subjects.  Some of the things he’s brought home so far are pretty cool.  I have a couple of his drawings hanging on the wall in my office, and a little clay dragon he concocted that I use as a paper weight.  I’m glad he’s getting into something, and Abbey is looking into enrolling the two of them in an arts and crafts class.  It’ll be good for Davey to do that with Abbey.  He’s still young enough that he needs her to stay close to him, and I know...with the way things are going now, she wants to keep him as close to her as she can.   

After everything we’d been through as a family, Austin decided that he was still going to drop a bomb shell on us, and go back to Memphis.  He came into the living room late one evening just as Davey headed off to bed.  I was sitting on the couch, Abbey at my side, stroking her hair as we watched the TV together.  When my brother sat down, and I looked over at him, I could tell something was on his mind.  Of course we both decided to focus on him, figuring it was a good thing that he felt comfortable enough to come to us with something for a change.  When he told us what it was, I wanted to kill him, hate him, but after a long discussion with my wife, she told me that she understands why he wants to do this.  Austin wants to find himself, even though he’s only fifteen.  He wants to remember where he comes from too, and while he loves us, right now he’s not happy here.  It’s been a hard reality to accept, and Davey...Davey is confused, cries most nights, knowing his brother is about to abandon him.  Austin has been spending a lot of extra time with him though, and for that, I’m grateful.

We’re all going to miss him when he’s gone.  Even me.  Even though I’m still angry that he’s leaving, it doesn’t mean I don’t love him.  I think we’ve come to an understanding.  It’s not like when I left home when I was around his age.  He’s going to call and visit, not be bitter and resentful towards us.  It’ll work out.

It has to.

“Well, tell him goodbye for me and Bray, all right?”

She says it with a sad look in her eyes, and I know she can tell how much emotion and pain I’m holding back due to the situation.  I force a smile for her though, just because I don’t want to look so weak in front of my assistant.  “Will do.  Have fun this weekend, okay?”

“I’ll do my best,” she giggles.  “See you Monday.”

“Bye.”  I wave a little, but keep my gaze focused on the computer screen as she walks out of the office.  

Only when I hear my door close, do I allow myself to break down.  I let out a long sigh, and roll myself backward from the desk.  I suck in a breath, try my best not to sob, but I can’t help it.  Here, when I’m alone, is the only place I can do this.  I can’t be an emotional mess for Abbey, when I already know how crappy she feels about all of this.  I have to be the strong one with the level head for her, telling her that Austin will visit and this is all for the best.

I hope I can.  I hope that when I drive my brother to the airport, I can act like his move doesn’t phase me.

My eyes shift to the shelf on the opposite side of the room.  It’s filled with pictures of all of us, my favorite ones of the babies, the boys, and Abbey and I.  My gaze lands on one picture in particular, my favorite one of Austin.  It was taken at the zoo, when they put the parrots in his shoulders.  He has a wide smile on his face, and I feel the smile pulling at my lips, remembering the way he laughed that day.  It was the first good moment I had with my brothers after I moved them to New York.  It was also the first day that Abbey and I sort of made a connection.  I’ll never forget it, and I wish so damn bad that Austin was still that little boy he was in the picture.

But he’s not anymore, and he never will be again.  He’s a young man, opinionated, and itching to live his own life.  It’s something I’ve come to accept.  He’s exactly like me, and I know how smart he is.  He’s going to be successful one day, just like I am, and maybe, if he allows me to do it, I can teach him everything I know about finance.  I think he has the right mindset for it.  Davey isn’t...that way.  He’s going to do something for the greater good.  That’s what Abbey always tells me anyway.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he joined the Peace Corps and ended up living in a tent in Uganda, but I’d accept it, because I love him.  I just want him to be happy, and strong.  God willing, he’ll attend a normal high school.  He has a few years yet, which is good, but I want it for him, so bad.  He needs to prepare himself, because there are no special education colleges, and I want to send him to a great university that will open up the whole world to him.  He’s going to be my focus once Austin is gone, and I’m determined to toughen him up a little bit more.  It might piss Abbey off.  She babies him a little too much, but I’ll tread lightly, start small, and hopefully it will build up into something big.

I work through my lunch hour, and call it a day around four o’clock.  Yvonne, my newly hired receptionist, bids me a goodnight as I walk past her a desk, and I tell her to have a nice weekend.  One of my partners catches me at the door before I can walk out, asking me to go for a beer with him so we can talk some finance, but I turn him down.  I never do that kind of thing anymore.  I have too much going on at the house, and miss Abbey too much to care about a beer and some pointless money talk.  

Damn, I’ve changed so much since New York.  It’s insane, but at the same time, I wouldn’t change the way my life is for any one, or any amount of money.  If I went broke tomorrow, I would feel reassured knowing that my family would be by my side through it all.

I pick up some flowers for Abbey and a bottle of wine for us to share before I get home.  I know after I drop Austin off tonight, we’ll both need to indulge ourselves with the drink as we talk about Austin’s absence.  I think I might cry into her once I get enough wine in me, and I think...she’ll be okay with that.  As long as I’m drunk, and I don’t realize how foolish I look, I think I’ll be okay with it too.

“Hey beautiful.”  I smile when I find Abbey in the kitchen, feeding the babies as they sit in their high chairs and squeal.  I walk up to her and pull her away from them so I can kiss her and hand her the flowers.  

“Hi.”  She seems to force a smile for me, as she takes them.

She’s upset, but I should have figured she would be this way.

“How’d your day go?”  I sit down at the island next to Mason’s high chair and pick up the spoon so I can continue to feed him.  I sneek a kiss on his cheek as I do it, and he squeals, laughs, and pounds his hands on his tray.  

She shrugs as she gets the flowers into some water, and sets them near a window.  “Fine.  They just woke up from a nap, so I’m sure they’ll want to play on the floor after dinner.”

“Cool.  Maybe Davey will want to come and play with them.”

“Maybe.”

She’s barely looking at me as she begins to pull dinner together for us.  I’m not dumb, I know she’s depressed, and it makes me feel horrible.  It’s all Austin’s fault, but I don’t want to be so angry at him.  “Ab...”

“When is the flight?”

I scrape some food off of Mason’s chin, and kiss him one more time before I get up and go over to her.  She’s turned towards the stove, and I place my hands on her shoulders gently.  “Ten.”

“Okay.”  

She’s sobbing.  “Abbey, it’s going to be okay.”

She tugs away harshly and whirls around to face me.  The tears are streaming down her face now.  “I don’t understand why you think this isn’t a big deal!  I mean, Jesus, he’s our kid!”

I sigh heavily and cross my arms.  “If there was another way around this, I would make him stay.”

“It must be me,” she whimpers.  “I must have been horrible to him at some point.”

“C’mon, baby.”  I pull her back to me, and press my forehead against hers.  “You know this is about him, not about you or I being bad parents.  You’ve done everything you could for him, and he knows that.  Right now...he just needs to do this.”

“Why?”

I close my eyes for a moment, and open them again, find that her light blue ones are penetrating into my own, and I feel myself begin to give in.  My lips tremble and I bite down hard on my bottom one because I don’t want to sob, but I fail.  “I don’t know.”

“I have to fix dinner.”

She pulls away from me again and turns back to the stove.  

I let her, because I don’t know how else to make her happy.  It’ s big deal, I can’t deny that.  It’s like...our family is being torn apart, and it sucks so bad, because we’ve started this big beautiful new life here in Texas.  It’s like Austin can’t appreciate it, and I think that hurts me so bad that I’ve tried the hardest I can to push him away.  I thought it was working.

But I guess it’s not.

I try my best to finish feeding Victoria as Abbey busies herself in the kitchen.  I tickle her and let myself smile as she squeals and laughs.  These babies...I swear, they can take any type of stress away from me.  

“Abbey, I’m hungry.”  Davey plops himself down at the island and holds his head up with his hands, barely acknowledging me.  

“Dinner will be ready soon,” she reassures him.  “Twenty minutes.”

He sighs.

“What’s up buddy?”  I smirk at him slightly as I wipe Victoria’s chin.  “How was school?”

He shrugs, but doesn’t say anything.

He’s miserable.  The fact that his brother, his partner in crime, is leaving, is killing him.  I start to worry that this is going to damage him more than I thought it would.  Just when he was getting himself together too.  It’s completely unfair...and I don’t know what to do for him.  I can’t force Austin to stay.  He’d just get angry and I’m sick of it, but then...what? What’s the solution? Watch Davey fall into a deeper depression? Send him to another kid shrink?

No.

He’s just going to have to suck this up like the rest of us.

Dinner is eaten in silence, and Austin doesn’t join us.  I’m sure he’s busy packing, busy preparing to desert all of us.  Abbey barely touches her food, she busies herself with the babies instead, and I know she’s just using them as an excuse to cover up how depressed she’s becoming.  This is bad, horrible.  I feel like our lives are crashing down around us, and it seems too damn unfair.  Sure, I can understand why I deserve this.  I’ve changed, but it doesn’t make up for all the stupid shit I did in my past.  Maybe this is my punishment but...does my family really need to be brought down with me?

 Austin finally reemerges from his room while we’re finishing up dessert.  Davey perks up automatically as he takes a seat at the table, and Abbey doesn’t hesitate to get up and give him some ice cream.  I don’t get her.  The little shit doesn’t deserve it right now.  But...she loves him.  She doesn’t care what he’s doing to us.
“Austin are you gonna stay? Did you change your mind?” Davey asks, the hope in his expression more than obvious.

Austin stares down into his bowl and moves the ice cream around with his spoon, not saying anything for a while.  He knows all eyes are on him, because...stupid as it is, I know Abbey and I are both hoping, by some miracle, he’s had a change of heart.  “I...I didn’t change my mind, Dave.”

“Why not!” He hollers.  “You’re my brother! You said you wouldn’t leave me behind! Don’t you remember! Don’t you?”

He sighs, but refuses to look at him.  I know it must be a promise he made to Davey when our parents first died, before I even came, when he wasn’t speaking at all.

“Calm down, Davey.”  Abbey rubs his back gently and kisses the top of his head.

“No! I wanna know why Austin gets to leave! We’re all a family!”

Silence.  

Austin gets up soon after that, and walks away.

Davey starts to sob, and runs off in the opposite direction.  A door slams.  He’s gone into his room, and probably won’t come out for the rest of the night.

Abbey and I stare at each other, while the babies continue to coo and bang their trays happily, oblivious to what’s going on.  I make an executive decision then.  Decide to have one last talk with Austin and try to make him see that what he has here is more important than going to live with Kimberly and get back to his “roots.”  “I’ll be back.”  I slide myself away from the island, and come around to kiss her.  

She nods, seeming to understand.  “I’ll be here.”

I find my brother just where I thought I would, sitting by the pool, gazing out at it like he does so many nights.  It’s his thinking spot, and we usually let him be, but not today.  Today, I’m invading his space because I know I have to make this last ditch effort for the good of this family.  I sit down beside him at the pools edge, take my fancy dress shoes and socks off, roll up the legs of my slacks so I can dunk my feet in the water with him.  “You wanna talk to me?”

“Dunno.”  He keeps his focus on the water in the pool and nothing else.

“I’ve been trying to make sense of this whole thing for weeks, and I’ve tried even harder not to be angry with you, Austin.  But...it’s hard right now.  Abbey is a mess and your brother doesn’t understand any of this.  I...I guess I’m the only one that gets this, because I left home when I was just a couple of years older than you.  Austin, leaving isn’t always the answer, you know?  It can be followed by a lot of regret and heartache.  Believe me, I know, I live with some of it in my heart every day.”

“I just...”  He sighs, and whimpers a little.  “I don’t want to forget them, and I’m starting too.  Like, the more time I spend with Abbey the less I remember momma.  I...I’m scared.”

He’s never been so direct with me about this before.  Out of all the reasons why he wants to move to Memphis, this is the main one.  He doesn’t want to lose his parents, doesn’t want to fully accept Abbey as his mother because he’s afraid momma will become nonexistent in his mind then.  “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“Because my relationship with them was different from yours.”

He’s right.  While it makes me sad to think about it, I know that Austin and Davey shared a normal, happy relationship with my parents.  They had more money then, could take care of them a lot better than they ever took care of me.  I don’t think I ever let that sink in until this very moment.  “You’re right, but I just want you to realize how much we all love you, Austin.  It’s not going to be the same when you’re gone.”

“You’ll manage.”

“How can you think that way? Like we don’t love you? Did you see Abbey in there? She’s a wreck and Davey...I don’t think I need to tell you how much this is going to affect him.”

“And you?”

I stare back at him.  “What about me?”

“How do you feel?”

This is the ultimate test.  I know he’s expecting me to tell him to do what he wants, that I won’t stop him because he’s old enough to accept the consequences of his actions.  I think back to the night I left my parents house, how my father acted like he didn’t care, and it gave me that much more of a push to leave.  What if he tried to stop me, tell me that he loved me and wanted to try to make our relationship better? Maybe I would have stayed...I just don’t know.  “I love you,” I admit.  “I don’t want you gone either.”

“But you’re letting me go.”

I shrug.  “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“Thought you didn’t care.”

I stare at him for a long moment.  “That’s what you think?”
“Daddy never would have let me leave,” he tells me.

“Yeah, well I’m not dad.”

“You’re just like him,” he reassures me.  “I see him in you every day.  You look like him and have his temper, but you have momma’s heart.”

I laugh slightly and shake my head as I run my hands through my hair.  Since when did he become Mr. Sentimental? It’s weird but endearing to hear him say this stuff at the same time.  

“I don’t want you to leave.”  I hear myself say the words before I can stop myself.

I’ve never said it to him, and maybe...maybe that’s why he decided to go in the first place.

I never said I was the smartest when it came to my emotions.

“You don’t?”  He looks up at me after a moment, and I can see the tears in his eyes now.

“No.  I...I never did.  I want to be the one to make you into a strong man.  I love Kim but...she’s not cut out for this job, you know?  We’re buds.  We’ve always been, even when I was gone, and I regret all the years we missed, you know? I can never get those back, but I can make up for them.  I...I can’t lose you again.”

He smiles, sobs harshly, and then wraps his arms around me.  He buries his face into my chest and I run my fingers through his wild curls as he cries.  He cries to me like the little boy he used to be, and I know...this is probably the way he felt all along.  He never wanted to leave but he didn’t think I cared whether he was here or not.  Austin needs that kind of reassurance from me.  He always has, probably because I was the biggest dick in the world when I uprooted him and his brother from Memphis.  Of course I’m different now, but it’s taken this conversation to make him see that.  

“Will you stay?” I whisper to him.  “I...I want to make it all up to you, Austin.  I love you.”

He looks up at me after a very long moment, and wipes his eyes harshly.  “I’ll stay.”