“What do you mean, you thought it would be nice?”

He’s standing before me, hands on his hips, while I sit on the couch, hands in my lap, staring up at him with fear pulsing inside of me.  I’ve never been intimidated by him like this, and right now, I wish I’d been a little smarter

For the first time since I’ve been here, he really does have a reason to be annoyed with me.  I mean, the better part of me knew Justin had his reasons for keeping the rest of his extended family away from the boys.  But at the same time, Austin was standing right near me when his aunt called, and when I said: “Kimberly who?” he kind of went nuts, begging me to let him talk.  I figured it couldn’t hurt.  He obviously seemed to miss her, so I let him.

What a mistake.

“Austin he just...he got excited that she was on the phone, so I let him talk to her.”

“Oh okay,” he laughs sarcastically.  “So if a nice stranger called, would you put him on the phone then too?”

“That’s not the same thing,” I mutter.

“He was just waiting for that! Don’t you get it!” He yells at me.  “He knew he could talk about me in a bad way with her and she’d side with him.  She’s...a fucking hick who was probably just out for money in the first place! Now I have to pay her off!”

I sigh.  “I’m sorry.”

“Fuck, you’re sorry?” He runs a hand through his hair.  “Well that’s just great, Abbey.”

“Maybe if you acted a little bit more like a human being around him, he wouldn’t have had a reason to complain!” I scream at him and jump up from the sofa.  “What do you expect!”

“I expect you to have half a fuckin brain!”

We’re up in each others faces now, each of us breathing heavily, each of us knowing the other isn’t about to back down for anything.

“What...what’s going...on?”

It’s Austin.  God.  Not right now.  Please, not right now.  I turn and look at him.  “Austin go...”

“You talked to Aunt Kimberly?” Justin says, focusing his rage on his brother now.  “After I expressly fucking forbid it!”

Austin flips him off with a nasty sneer.

“Austin!” I yell.

But Justin doesn’t wait.  He storms over to Austin, and grabs him by the scruff of his shirt.  “You little asshole!” He screams at him, and then pushes him into the wall harshly.  “Are you trying to ruin my god damn life!”

He stares at his brother for a while, seemingly in disbelief, before he starts to cry like a baby.

“That’s it!” Justin yells and starts to remove his belt.  “If this doesn’t get through to you, nothing will!”

I know what’s next.

“Justin stop it!”  I run up to them as Austin cowers and cries, while Justin wraps part of the belt around his hand and raises it into the air.

I don’t allow him to hit Austin.  I pull his arm back as hard as I can.  “Austin! Go to your room!”

He runs away.

“Get off!”  Justin pushes me back and I fall onto the floor.

He just crossed the line.

We stare at each other after that, for a long time.  His mouth is hanging open slightly, as if he didn’t realize what was happening until just now, while I just stare at him, my eyes welling up with tears, as I try to think of what to do next.

“You don’t let him talk to you about his parents,” I whimper.  “That’s what’s wrong with him.  He doesn’t have anybody else here who understands, and then his aunt calls, and he trusts her and he misses her.  She’s the only other person who knows about the situation, and you’re keeping them apart.”

He drops the belt to the floor, the energy seeming to have drained from him as he sits down on the floor and puts his head in his hands.  “Davey needs a bath,” he says to me.

“I’m not doing anything until we talk this out, Justin.  This is extreme, what just happened.  You’re losing it.  You’re angry, and...I don’t want the boys around you like this.  It’s not safe.  Lucinda ran out for a few minutes.  If I wasn’t here...what would have happened?”

He looks up at me.  For the first time ever...he’s allowing me to see him get emotional.  “I don’t know,” he whispers.  “I...I didn’t...I didn’t mean to do that.”

I just nod, because I don’t know what to say.  Honestly, I’m scared.  Scared enough to quit.  To move back into Char’s and never look back.  I wouldn’t tell anybody about this, for the sake of the boys.  I would just leave them alone.  “I’m really fucking scared of you right now.”

He sighs harshly into his hands, and then rubs his eyes a little.  “I...I don’t deal with it well.  My parents...I...we didn’t talk for years and then they...they were just dead.”

It’s weird, him breaking down like this.  It’s so sudden, I’ve been caught off guard and I’m not sure if I’m ready to listen to this.  The only reason I feel any kind of compassion for him right now, is because I know what it’s like to lose somebody, and feel so fucking confused about it that it makes you want to slit your own throat.  “Maybe talking about it with Austin sometimes, would help you feel better,” I whisper.r32;
“He’s a kid,” Justin croaks.

I shrug.  “He’s smarter than you think he is.”

He shakes his head a little and sniffles loudly before pushing himself to his feet.  “I have an event to finish planning.”  

“So that’s it?” I scoff.

He shrugs.  “I’ll go in and talk to Austin.”

“I think you should just let him be for tonight.”

“Fine,” he mutters.  “I got tickets to the Yankees on Sunday, box seats.  I’ll make it up to him then.”

I just roll my eyes.  “Yeah, that’ll resolve everything.”

“Hey, screw you,” he seethes.  “I’m doing the best I fuckin’ can here.  I was never prepared to raise kids.”

“I’m raising them,” I remind him.  “You’re just a bystander most of the time, popping in when it’s convenient, yelling at Austin whenever you’re pissed off, or he messes up.  You use Davey as somebody to pawn toys and material possessions off on to make you feel like you’re doing a good job,” I sigh, disgusted, as I rise to my feet.  “Goodnight Justin.”

He doesn’t say anything else to me as I head off to bed, and I’m glad those are the final words I left him with.  It’ll give him something to think about, and I sure as hell hope he tones it down.  I mean, if he ever pulls this kind of crap again, I’ll leave.  I swear to God I will.

That was just downright scary.

I lock the door to my room tonight, hoping like hell he doesn’t feel the urge to try and barge in on me.  I need tonight to sleep, to prepare myself for tomorrow because...oh yeah, I still have to go to that benefit with him, if I want to keep my job.  And despite what happened, I still want my job.

I mean, I just got to send payback money to my parents and Charlene with that check he gave me.  It was worth all of this, to get that.  Now I don’t have to feel guilty about all the money I borrowed anymore.  

“Honey, I’m really glad that...you were able to pay us back,” my mom told me the other day when she called me.  “But, where in the world did you get five thousand dollars?”

“Well I...I found a job in my field,” I lied, sort of.  “Marketing at Goldman Sachs.”

“Oh honey! That’s fantastic!”

My parents and I have always been close, which is why I hated lying to her, but what was I supposed to say? ‘Oh mom, I’m working as Justin Timberlake’s super nanny.  I get to live in his house and have him berate me like a piece of shit every single day!’  

Yeah, she would have been on the first flight out.

Although, it would be highly amusing to watch my mom bitch him out.  She’s really good at making people feel guilty about things, even better than I am.  My dad is more of a gentle giant, but again, if he knew how I was being treated by Justin, he wouldn’t hesitate to intimidate the hell out of him.  

I can still remember how much he intimidated Braeden the first time he ever took me out on a date.

“Does your dad really have a shotgun?” He whimpered.

I just laughed.  “I’ll never tell.”

God, I wish he were around.  Around to protect me.  Around so I wouldn’t have to live in Justin’s house, live for somebody else.  Around so I could love him, marry him, and be with him forever.

I drift off thinking these thoughts, dream about him suffering, being beaten and tortured.  I can’t help him.  I scream out for him, try to reach out, take him back with me through my dreams.

I wake up, drenched in sweat.  The clock reads five am.  It’s Saturday morning.

I get up, shower, and put on some slumming around the house clothes before deciding to head downstairs.  I want to watch some of the news before the boys wake up in a few hours, wanting breakfast and cartoons.

I stop dead in my tracks when I see Justin in the middle of the living room, stretching out his calve muscles.  He’s wearing a long white wife beater and navy blue jogging pants that button up the sides.  I’m assuming he’s getting himself ready for his morning workout.  The one that he probably missed last weekend when we went to the zoo.

“Morning.”  He doesn’t smile.  His eyes are small, and tired, like he hasn’t slept.

“Hi,” I croak, and go make myself some coffee.

“Do you like to run?”

I turn as I finish pouring myself a mug full, and shrug a little.  I haven’t done it in a while.  It was ritual for Braeden and I that I haven’t revisited since he went missing.  “I used to run a lot.”

He nods.  “You wanna...maybe...go with me?”

Weird.  I don’t know how I feel about that.  Last night...it was too much.  I want to keep my distance from him badly.  At the same though, I know he’s sorry.  He’s really sorry.  He may be a lot of things, but he’s not violent.  Not intentionally.  “I guess I could, but the boys...”

“Lucinda can handle it.  Besides, we might be back before they get up anyway.”

I nod, agreeing with him.  “Okay.”  I give him a tight smile and he waits for me to finish my coffee before we head out.  

Justin must know how out of shape I am, because he jogs much slower than I’m sure he would normally, so I don’t lag behind.  It’s almost nice, jogging at this hour of the morning.  The busy hustle and bustle of the city hasn’t quite started yet.  It’s peaceful, even if Justin is here.  He’s not bothering me anyway.  We’re not even talking, just jogging.  We jog and jog until we reach Central Park.  Then I stop to catch my breath and Justin does the same.

“Out of shape, huh?”

I pant heavily as I lean over, trying to cure the cramp in my side.  “Just a little.”

“Why’d you stop running?” He chuckles.  “You get bored?”

“No, I just stopped.”

I say it too short and too quick, because he’s looking at me strangely now.  “Well, there must have been a reason.”

I shrug.  “It doesn’t matter.  Can we just go?”

“Ah, so she does have some secrets.”

A small smile cracks at the corner of his mouth, and it just makes me roll my eyes.  No way am I discussing Braeden with him.  That’s sacred, special, mine, and I refuse to let him have an opinion about it.  “I have my life and you have yours,” I state, simply.  “That’s all.”

He considers what I’ve said for a moment.  “Fair enough,” he decides.

We walk through the park together, taking in the scenery as the morning sunlight awakens everything around us.  Birds chirp, flowers bloom.  It’s bliss...beautiful, eases my tension away, and I think that Justin probably comes here for that very same reason.  “It’s nice here.  I’ve never been to this part of the park before,” I tell him.

“I try to come every weekend,” he says.  “It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been, though.  I’ve um...I’ve never had company though.  Trace isn’t a real outdoors kind of guy, unless it includes booze and a boat.”

I chuckle.  “He strikes me as that type.”

It’s weird...laughing with him.  After last night I didn’t think he’d be capable of it.  Actually, I think this is the nicest he’s ever been to me.  Even at the zoo, he wasn’t in this good of a mood.  He seems a little at peace with himself right now, but it’s better.  We need to be civil if we’re going to spend the evening together.

Hell, maybe he invited me along with him, just for that reason alone.

“So what happened to miss thing from your living room the other night,” I smirk.  “She didn’t want to come with you to the event tonight?”

“Ah she...” he trails off and sighs.  “We’re taking a break.”r32;
“Meaning, she broke up with you.”

He stares at me, unamused, as I smile back at him.  “Yeah, I guess so.”

I raise an eyebrow.  “Must have bruised your ego.”

“A little,” he chuckles.  “But I think I’ll get over it.  Too much is going on for me to worry about Danielle.  It’s for the best, I think.”

It’s a typical answer.  I can tell he’s still pissed, that he never expected to be the one to get dumped, to have his date ditch him.  Lucky for him I’m around to save the day, even though he’s paying me for my services like some kind of female escort.  I shudder.

“So you’re from Colorado?”

We reach a clearing and there is a coffee stand, Justin buys us some bottled water, and we continue to walk along.  I nod a little.  I never told him that but I’m sure he must have read it on my application.  “Yeah.  Brighton, actually.  It’s near Denver.  My parents still live there.”

“I’ve been to Vail and Aspen,” he says.  “I like to snowboard.  I was thinking about taking the boys in October or November.”

Braeden was a skier.  I always, always fell on my ass every time we went, but I still had a great time.  “I’m terrible at anything that has to do with sliding around on plastic,” I chuckle.

“Well, I could teach you,” he smirks.  “You can come.”

I look at him strangely.  “You know, you’re being...really...”

“I just...I don’t want you mad at me,” he confesses quickly.  “I still feel really dumb about last night.  I acted like a barbarian or something.”r32;
I’m surprised that he’s admitting that.  That he’s actually acting well...human.  Maybe what I said to him last night really made an impact.  “Well, you should feel that way,” I chuckle and take a sip of my water.  “But I wouldn’t dwell on it long.  There will be something else that comes up to take your mind off of it anyway.  Just...keep your emotions in check next time.”

“Noted,” he says lightly.  “So uh, what about you? I mean, you’ve never come to me and said you have a date or anything that you need to go do.”

I don’t get it.  Why is he getting on this subject with me? It’s too awkward, the guy is my boss.  “I thought you liked it better that I was single.”

“Oh, I do,” he smirks.  “It just strikes me as weird that a girl like you doesn’t have much of a social life.”

“A girl like me?” I scoff.  “What’s that mean?”

“I just...”

His phone starts to ring.  Thank God, because I was about to get very, very uncomfortable.

He scowls as he digs it out of his pocket.  ‘Yeah, hello? No! No! I told you not til Monday!”

He’s been distracted from everything we just talked about, just like I knew he would be.  He’s walking ahead of me now, shouting at whoever has just called him about some business related item.  I let him.  Jesus.  That was weird.  So weird.  

It was like...he’d suddenly gotten curious about me in a sexual way.  That’s not supposed to happen.  I will not go running with Justin again.  It must be something about the morning air...and the birds.  Yeah, the birds must have provoked his mood.  Hell, he just got dumped too so he must be on the rebound, no matter how much he tries to tell me Danielle’s absence doesn’t bother him.

I wander alongside him all the way back to his penthouse, and he manages to stay on the phone the entire time.  Occasionally he hangs up to make another call, muttering to himself about people being ‘fuckin’ idiots’ as if I’m not even around, and I know the Justin I’ve come to know so well has finally returned to me this morning.  The boys are both up once we get back inside.  Lucinda is yammering to them in what little English she knows.  They are chasing each other around the table, smiling and laughing, while she’s trying to get them to sit and eat their breakfast.

“Hey!” I yell at them with a smile.  “Settle down, okay?”

They stop running, and stare at me.  I can still hear Justin somewhere behind me, shouting into the phone.  

“Let’s eat.”  I take my seat and the boys follow my lead.  Soon they are both digging into their breakfasts without another sound.  I look at Lucinda and she is smiling at me, as if to say, ‘I don’t know how you do it.’

I don’t either.

Justin finally joins us about halfway into our meals, and I can see Austin tense up slightly as he takes his seat at the head of the kitchen island.  Lucinda automatically plants a large plate of eggs, bacon, and sausage in front of him, which he quickly starts to consume.  “So...you guys wanna go see the Yankees tomorrow?” he asks, his mouth full of food.

Davey nods his head with a smile, while Austin just stares at him.

“So...” he trails off and glances at me for a second.  “That’s a yes?”

“Thought I was in trouble,” Austin mutters.

“You’re okay, buddy,” Justin winks at him.

“Oh.”  Austin immediately looks at me and I give him a small wink.  Then he smiles.  “Is Abbey comin too?”

Justin shrugs and chuckles a little.  “If she wants to.”

They’re all looking at me right now for an answer.  Christ, I feel like I’ve become the mother in this severely dysfunctional family.  I shouldn’t be as close as I am with the boys, and I know that...but if I’m not, if I stand back a little bit, who will they have? Who will play with them and laugh at Austin’s slightly corny jokes?  Nobody.  “If you want me to, I’ll go.”

“YAY!!” Davey cheers and claps his hands.

Justin and I look at each other then, for the first time cracking up together like we’re the best of friends.  It’s strange.  It’s like he’s sort of changed himself magically overnight.  Sure, he was on a business call and mean as ever but he didn’t bring that attitude to the breakfast table.  Maybe he’s starting to realize some things...that the boys are really important and the way he acts around them matters a lot.  Maybe he’s starting to realize that I’m a person too, that I have feelings...

Although, I’m not so sure if him getting closer to me is the best thing in the world, either.
****************
After breakfast, Trace’s girlfriend, Sydney, came by to take me to the hair appointment that Justin had told me about.  I was nervous about being alone with one of Justin’s friends, especially since she was Trace’s girlfriend.  I was afraid she was going to ask me all sorts of weird questions, including why it was that Justin chose me to bring to the benefit when he could pretty much have any woman in Manhattan on his arm.

But she didn’t.  Sydney has minded her own business the entire time we’ve been out.  The only thing we’ve discussed in detail is the children in our lives.  She has a daughter, Kristy, that’s about Austin’s age.  She is her world, and apparently she’s Trace’s world as well.  I could tell how much she loves the two of them.  I could see that glow on her face and the twinkle in her eyes whenever she would say one of their names.  It’s the way I used to feel when Braeden was around.

I didn’t want to be jealous of her either, I knew it was wrong, but I just...couldn’t help it.  It had been too long since I’d felt that way, completely happy and content, and it made me sad to think I would probably never feel that way again.  I refused to let my feelings show though. I wanted Sydney’s opinion of me to stay simple.  I wanted her to say: ‘she’s a nice girl, but I don’t really know her that well.’ That was fine with me.  The less people I associated myself with in Justin’s life, the better.  I was an employee, not a friend.

Night has fallen.  Justin, surprisingly enough, took it upon himself to set up the kids in his movie theater for the evening, so I could get ready.  I was able to meet and talk to Sydney’s daughter briefly.  I wanted to make sure she wasn’t wild or rowdy, and it turns out that she’s a very well behaved child.  Somebody who will keep Austin’s mood swings at bay, and that’s a good thing.  Trace’s sitter is nice too.  She’s younger than I am, in her freshman year of college, but she seems very trustworthy.  I could tell Sydney is pretty strict as a mother and wouldn’t play games with who she hired to watch her daughter.

I sigh as I gaze at my reflection in the mirror.  At least the kids are taken care of.  

I, on the other hand, look so fucking out of place with my hair done up, wearing this ridiculously overpriced gown.  I can remember going to a few weddings when I was a kid, but my dresses were always ordinary and plain.  When I went to my senior prom, my dress was simple as well, but Braeden was always one for simplicity.  Tonight...I’m just over the top tonight.  But that’s what Justin wants.

That’s what he’s paying me for.

There’s a knock at the door, and I pray to god it’s not Justin.  Not yet.  I’m not ready.  “It’s open,” I murmur.

“Hey, hun.”  I see Sydney enter the room and I’m relieved.  She’s smiling a little bit and closes the door gently behind her.  “Justin wanted me to give you this.”  She hands me a square velvet box, that could only contain the jewelry he was telling me about earlier in the week.  

I take it from her gently, and open it up.  The diamond necklace takes my breath away.  It looks like something the royals would wear.  I’m nauseated.  What if I lose it? Oh God.  “I...I can’t wear this...” I stutter.

“Awe, you’re so cute,” she giggles.  “But come on, you have to put it on.  Justin won’t stop talking about seeing it on you.”

I wish he would stop.

Sydney takes the necklace out of the box and gently places it around my neck, fastening the clasp in the back for me.  “Fuck, that is incredible,” she sighs as she gazes back at me in the mirror.  “I’m so jealous.”

“I’m going to lose it.”

“No you won’t,” she cackles.  “You’ll be okay, just remember to smile and act like you’re having the time of your life.  You’re lucky you know? You don’t have to worry about what people think of you.”

Yeah, I’m just the nanny, anyway.  I think it but don’t say it out loud because I don’t want to come off as a bitch in front of her.  Instead, I flash her a nervous smile.  “So, I’m guessing they’re waiting for us?”r32;
She nods.  “Justin said whenever you’re ready, but I know him, and he most likely means I should get you to hurry up.”

I laugh a little.  “Yeah, that’s Justin.”

“I don’t know how you put up with him,” she snickers as we leave the room.  “I can’t stand him for more than a few hours at a time.  Working for him must give you a daily migraine.”

I shrug.  “I’m good with kids.”

She laughs loudly.

I reach the top of the stairs.  Justin and Trace are at the bottom, but Justin’s back is turned to me, phone pressed to his ear.  Typical.  Trace sees me though, and I see his eyes go wide...his mouth even falls open a little.  God, he must think I look like a train wreck.  Sydney moves past me and descends the stairs to meet her boyfriend, but I’m...I’m still trying to get my bearings.  Then I see Trace nudge Justin, and he gets off the phone as he turns around.

That’s when I see it, that look...that one look a guy can give to you that says you’ve taken his breath away.

It’s so dangerous, because I can’t be with anybody...not ever, especially Justin.

“Wow, Abbey,” Trace snickers as he hugs Sydney close to his side.  “You look amazing.”

I can’t answer him.  My eyes are still locked hopelessly on Justin’s expression.

“You um...you’re ready, right?” He rasps.

Trace and Sydney both give him a weird look, and I decide to make the moment less difficult by walking down the stairs and over to my date.  “I’m ready,” I say gently, quickly looking him over.  He’s wearing a very classy looking tuxedo, with a long black tie.  It’s the kind of tux you would see at the Oscars or the Grammys.  I hate to admit it, and I shouldn’t admit it because he’s my boss...because he’s an asshole most of the time...

But he really looks good tonight.

“Shouldn’t I say bye to the kids?” I ask him, as Trace and Sydney lead the way out the door.

“I said bye to them,” Justin chuckles.  “Don’t worry.  They’re fine...they have movies.”

His answer doesn’t reassure me much, but I don’t really have an option to turn back, because we’re on the elevator now.  We all ride it down silently, and when we get out, the door man nods to us and says that our car is waiting outside.  We go out the doors and Quincy is there to greet us with his bright, wide smile. 

“Well, my my, Miss Abbey.”  He tips his hat to me as Trace and Sydney get in the back of the sleek looking limousine he’s driving tonight.  “You look very, very, lovely.”

I feel my cheeks burning.  “Thanks, Quincy.”

“Hey man, stop hitting on my date.”  Justin nudges him and laughs a little, as he lets me get into the limo ahead of him.

Trace has opened an expensive looking bottle of champagne, and passes me a glass while Justin gets in and sits down next to me.  I sip my drink, as he pulls some index cards out of his pocket and begins to mumble the words written on them to himself.  Obviously, it’s his speech for tonight, and I start to think how cute it is that he’s such a perfectionist.

But then I snap myself out of it.

“Hey, I heard Trump is coming,” Trace laughs as he puts an arm around Sydney.

Justin chuckles but doesn’t take his gaze away from his index cards.  “I doubt it.  The guy can’t stand me.”

“He’s just pissed because you intimidate him, that’s all.  You’re about twenty years younger than he is and you have ten times the fortune he had at that age.”

I guess Charlene was right about Justin giving the guy a run for his money.

“If we open the hotel in midtown, it’ll be war,” he smirks a little as he shoves his cards back into his jacket.  

“What do you mean if?” Trace smirks.  “We’re breaking ground next month.”

Justin shrugs.  “I don’t know.  If we don’t do well, the firm will take a hit.”

“I’ve already told you why it’s going to do well, and you have me heading up the project, besides,” he reassures him.  “You can’t get much better than that.”

Sydney snorts.  “Now baby, lets not be full of ourselves.”

“Hey I’m just saying,” Trace smirks.  “It’s not in my nature to fail.”

Justin sort of laughs and rubs his upper lip before glancing out the window for a moment.  I can tell he’s a little bit stressed about this particular subject, but I have nothing to say, because he doesn’t talk about business with me.  Wow, what the hell can I talk about with him tonight? The kids? No.  That just won’t do.  I wish I’d been brought up in a socialite setting, having been trained on what to talk to your date about on a night such as this.

But I’m just a normal girl.

Trace and Sydney begin to get...close.  Meaning, he’s kissing her neck and she’s giggling into him.  They’re both disregarding the fact that they’re in the same car as us, and when I look at Justin, he doesn’t seem phased.  It’s common practice for them to do this, I realize.  I shouldn’t be so surprised.  This is his world...sex, money, power.  I should get used to it, because it’s obvious I’ll be seeing a lot more of this behavior tonight.

“You look nice tonight.”

I snap to attention, stare at him and take a huge gulp of champagne.  “Thanks,” I whisper.

“I mean it.  The dress...your hair, everything is perfect.”

I just nod.

We don’t speak for the rest of the trip.  I think he realizes that he’s making me uncomfortable, and I’m too nervous to try and ease the tension between us, so I just stare out at the city, trying to go over in my head how I should act when we arrive at our destination.  I remind myself to smile, to take slow, even steps so I don’t trip over my long gown in these heels.

God, my feet are killing me.

We pull up in front of a majestic looking building.  It’s been decorated on the outside with ice sculptures, and a five violin orchestra greets people as they make their way down the long carpet.  There is a small line of people walking up the large flight of steps, being checked in upon reaching the top of them.  Shit, we haven’t even gotten inside yet, and it already looks like the event of the year.

“You’re trembling.”

I look at him, and when I look down I realize his hand is on top of mine.  “I...”  I pull my hand away and suck in my bottom lip.  “I’ll be okay.”

“Look, they’re only people,” he reassures me.  “I know...this isn’t exactly normal for you, but I won’t leave you alone or anything unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

A strange feeling comes over me.  It’s one of reassurance...and one that’s also making me feel like he actually gives a damn about me.  “O-okay,” I nod slowly.

Quincy opens the door, and I see a million flashes go off as Justin gets out of the car.  Jesus, I didn’t think he was on that level...like a celebrity.  But I guess I should have known better.  He’s on the covers of magazines, and I swear...he’s been on Letterman before too.  

“Let’s go girl,” I hear Trace chuckling from behind me.  “You’re holding up the line.”

“Trace, stop it,” Sydney snaps.  “She’s nervous.  I have no idea why he even wanted to bring her.  Look at her...she’s freaking out.”

I could slap her.  Slap them both even.  It gives me incentive to get out of the car as quickly as possible.  Then the worst happens.  I trip over my gown after taking just one step, and I feel myself going down...but then...

“Whoa.”  Justin reaches out and catches me in his arms.  A flash goes off.  Great.  That’ll end up on page five tomorrow, I’m sure.  “You okay?” He laughs.

I roll my eyes at him.  “Just great.”

“C’mon.”  He has me loop his arm through his.  “It’s not this bad inside, I swear.”

We walk down the red carpet that leads up the staircase, like we’re some kind of royalty.  Flashes go off all around us, and Justin nods and waves at the various press people that call out his name.  I try to look straight ahead, not make myself known, but it’s difficult.  He stops sometimes, we have to take pictures as a “couple.”  I wish he would have told me this to begin with.  Although, if he had, I doubt I would have came.

We finally make our way inside, and are immediately taken to a table set in the front of the house.  I have to admit, Justin’s choice of table linens was right on the money, and all the decorations in the room have been centered on the colors and the pattern.  It’s a very grand, royal setting, and by the looks of things, everybody who RSVP’d was true to their word. The place is packed, and I realize that our party is among the last to arrive.  I take a seat, relieved, and when one of the waiters offers me some wine, I take it with a grateful smile.

Our table is soon joined by two other couples that Justin, Trace, and Sydney seem to know very well.  Neither of them acknowledge me.  In fact, one of the women even studies me with her eyes, as if she can just tell I don’t belong here.  Justin doesn’t introduce me, but I think it’s better.  I don’t want to deal with people I’ll probably never see again, anyway.  I just want to get through this night, go home, and sink back into my normal nanny lifestyle where it all makes sense.

“Ladies and gentleman.”

The lights dim slightly, and I watch as all the people who were milling around scurry back to their seats.  I look up at the podium, and a middle aged man has taken the stage.  I’m assuming he either works for Justin, or is the leader of the cause he is here to support tonight.

“On behalf of the New York City Department of Education, I would like to welcome you all to the first annual Literacy Foundation Gala!”

The room erupts with applause, and Trace is hooting like he’s at the ballpark.  I roll my eyes and look at Justin, who is smiling simply to himself as he claps his hands.  It’s funny, I don’t think he cares if Trace is making an ass out of himself right now, for whatever reason.  He’s so focused, like he really cares about being here.

It’s so unlike him.

“I’d like to introduce you all to a man, who at just twenty four years of age has gained more power and wealth than most.  Yet, he is a simple man.  A kind man.  A generous man, who is always focused on the welfare of our schools, and the community around him first and foremost.”

I roll my eyes.  This guy has gotta be fucking kidding me.

“He has become the founder of our newest and greatest educational tool in a century.  So, without further adieu, ladies and gentleman, I give you the youngest CEO in Wall Street history, Mr. Justin Timberlake!”

The crowd erupts into applause again, and the spotlight shines down on Justin as he slowly stands up, an embarrassed expression on his face.  He turns back to me quickly and shrugs a little bit, before making his way up onto the stage.  The moment he does, a banner drops down behind him that reads:

The Justin Timberlake Literacy Foundation.  Improving Literacy For A Better New York City.

It makes me cringe.  Makes me feel sick to my stomach because I know Justin doesn’t give a crap about education...or literacy.  It’s all a farce.  A way to get people to like him more, so he can still be an asshole in private.

“Thank you,” he smiles and holds up his hand when he reaches the podium so the applause will die down.  He clears his throat quickly and reaches into his jacket pocket producing the index cards a moment later.  He casually places them down in front of him on the large black podium and glances at them quickly before looking out at the audience.  “Thank you all for coming tonight.  I can’t emphasize enough, how important it is for all of our school children to read well in today’s fast paced world.  When I came here seven years ago, I could barely read a bus schedule.  It’s a scary thing to live through, and if I can prevent that from happening to another child...another adult, I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Applause.

I stare at him.  What the hell? I mean...what?  Justin, undereducated?  Justin, weak, confused? Never...

What the hell?

“Tonight, I’d like to ask all of you to make a small donation...or a large one,” he laughs, and is met by laughter from the audience as well. “To our foundation.  With your help, we can set the groundwork for new, more dedicated teachers in our Manhattan public schools, as well as public schools in our outer boroughs.  We will also be able to create private, free, learning centers throughout the city. By doing this we can connect with the children that do not get the same advantages as those in private academies.  Our goal, is to raise the literacy rate in New York City by fifty percent over the next five years.  Please, dance tonight, have fun, but also keep our precious cause in the back of your minds.  Thank you.”

The loudest roar of applause comes now.  The room is shaking.  Everybody loves him, and Justin is smiling and waving, as if he’s such a humble man.  I just stare.  I’m in shock I think.  I just... I mean, I never thought he struggled with an issue like that.  Of course he never told me but he carries himself so well, and speaks with such eloquence that the thought never would have crossed my mind. I guess I can’t dislike him as much now.  I mean, he just got up in front of the most powerful people in New York City and told them all that he hadn’t been able to read a few years ago.  That takes guts.

I feel like there’s an entire side to Justin, lurking underneath his tough exterior, that he barely lets anybody see.  I got a taste of it last night, and now, I’m seeing it even more.  I know it won’t last.  When the clock strikes midnight he’ll turn back into an asshole, just like the coach turned back into a pumpkin.

“You’re gonna raise a crap load of money for this thing,” Trace says enthusiastically as Justin takes his seat again and sips his wine.  “They ate it up.  There’s a line at the donation box right now!”

He nods a little at him, and barely looks at me.  “Hope so,” he says, as he empties his glass.

I sit there and stare down at the table.  Soon, the light in the room is brought back to normal, and I hear a band begin to play on a stage at the other end of the ballroom.  One by one, couples begin to gravitate towards the dance floor in the center of the room.  I watch them as they hold each other, smile and laugh, like they don’t have a care in the world.  

Trace and Sydney get up soon too, along with the other two couples at our table, and they all head out to dance.  I’m left alone with Justin, and when he doesn’t follow them, I realize it was never his intention to leave me here alone to dance with somebody else.

“Did I freak you out?” He says, as he stares down at his shoes.

“No...I...” I suck in a long breath.  “I guess you just caught me off guard.”

“I figured telling these people would get them to donate more money,” he says gently.  “That’s why I put this thing together.  I don’t really...care what they think about my past, you know?”

I shake my head.  “They shouldn’t think less of you for it.”

He shrugs.  “Yeah but, you probably do.”

“I don’t.  It’s nothing to be ashamed of Justin.  I mean, you came out of it and look where you are now,” I say.  “What does it matter what I think anyway?”

He just stares at me.  “Let’s go dance.”

I laugh nervously.  “No, that’s okay.”

“Come on, people will think we’re weird if we don’t dance.”

“We aren’t a “we”,” I remind him.  “I came here with you as arm candy, that’s it.”

He narrows his eyes at me.  “I could have taken anybody as arm candy, Abbey.”

I can’t dance with him.  I can’t.  I can’t let him put his arms around me, and act like it’s a perfectly normal thing.  It just wouldn’t be fair to Braeden.  I swore to myself, I would never let anybody else in once those papers were signed and he’d been pronounced dead.  “Justin...”

He gets up and holds his hand out to me. A perfect smile appears on his face, as if being here, with me, means the world to him.  “Let me dance with you,” he whispers.  “I’d be honored to dance with you.  C’mon, I don’t want to be snubbed by the most beautiful woman in the room at my own benefit.”

Why does he have to put it like that?  Fuck, now I’m beautiful? What’s going on?  “God.”  I squeeze my eyes shut and when I open them again, and still see him standing there, smiling at me, I reluctantly take his hand.  He guides me out to the center of the ballroom floor, I can feel people’s eyes on me, and I start to look, but then he leans in and whispers...

“Don’t look at them.”  He pulls my arms up so I’ll wrap them around his neck, and he places his hands at my waist.  A soulful singer has taken the stage, a piano being her source of musical accompaniment.  She begins to sing a slow love song, the words I can’t pay attention to because he’s looking too deep into my eyes, and his smile is too big.

Jesus, what is this night turning into?