Chapter Twenty: Revelations
Two Days Later
The Hamptons
I haven’t been to one of these in God knows how long.
I often wonder why we submit ourselves to all of this. Why the best compliments come when they’re gone. Why is it that when someone is gone we contemplate on the things that person never got to do? Instead of celebrating their life and the things that they did accomplish on this earth.
I hate mourning.
And I hate the way I’m feeling.
From where I’m sitting, in the massive den of the Martinez home, I can see her. And when she senses that I’m looking at her, she glances over but turns to continue her conversation. It’s not a discourteous glance that she gives me but I still can’t stop the ache in my chest from kicking my ass.
I’m tired.
Emotionally.
The past couple of days have been filled with all sorts of excitement for me and everyone around, for that matter. And by excitement I’m not referring to it all being good. Yes, I had a good show at the Victoria Secret event but somehow it didn’t matter. My mind had been on other things. I found out through the grapevine, also know as backstage, that both Vanessa and her best friend were scheduled to be a part of that show. That is, of course before all of this happened, and Vanessa was snatched right out of my hands. Again.
It kills me that at a time like this, I’m being selfish. I’m going to hell. And all I kept thinking about was that I wanted her there with me. During the show all I kept thinking about was her and my question. I missed my cue even, forgetting to flirt with one of the models as she walked down the runway. I doubt anyone noticed, but I did and so did Marty. I heard about it for about an hour before I told him to shut the fuck up. But, I think she would have said yes to my question. I’m positive she would have. And now? Well now, that isn’t important anymore.
What is important is that Vanessa isn’t doing to well. She’s not walking around with swollen eyes like everyone else in this place, including Johnny. No, she’s completely the opposite. Her demeanor gives off the vibe that she’s in control. That arranging and taking care of the guest at her family’s home is the only thing on her mind. But I know she’s full of it, right now. I know that the smile that she gives her aunt, whom she’s speaking with, isn’t real. I mean she’s not fucking laughing and having a good time, like she’s at a fucking party. But she is in super robot mode. She has been since I arrived here a few hours ago.
“I’m worried about her,” Barker says from where she‘s sitting next to me, eyes swollen and not a hint of make-up on her face. I turn to look at her and she shakes her head. “Has she said anything to you?”
“No,” she really hasn’t said much to me other than to thank me for coming but even then, I think it was a general greeting directed at both, Johnny and I. I’ve been sitting here since we arrived from the cemetery a little over an hour ago thinking of ways to talk to her without upsetting her in the process. This sucks. A lot. “Not really.”
“Do you know that she walked into the hospital room when dad had another heart attack? She fainted and it took hours for her to wake up. She scared the hell out of us,” she says and I can hear her choke back on her tears and another lone tear falls down her cheek.
“Yes, I heard,” is the only thing I can say and because I don’t know what else to do, I reach over and put my arm over her shoulder. I feel awfully sad. “I’m so sorry, Barker.”
“You know, you’re really good to have taken time to come. I know she appreciates it, even if she’s not showing it. I just don’t think she’s okay right now. But she really does. You understand, right?”
“I don’t know your friend, your sister, that well but yeah, I understand.”
“She’s been running around getting all of this arranged and all of us have been standing back waiting for all of this to hit her. Like really hit her, ya know? It hasn’t happened and I’m worried that if it doesn’t, something bad will happen,” she smoothes down the black dress she has on and now has a determined expression on her face. She looks almost angry as she looks in the direction of Vanessa and it’s quite intimidating. The look reminds me of Vanessa and I can see why these two women get along so well. Barker’s a toned down replica of her friend and I‘m thankful Vanessa has her in her life. Everyone should have a friend like this. I thank the heavens for Trace every day of my life. This is a true friend. “In all honesty, she’s pissing me off.”
“I’m sorry,” I say because I really am at a loss for words. I don’t want to say the wrong thing an I don’t want to offend any members of the family by whisking Vanessa away somewhere. I honestly don’t even want to be here, not when I’m just another celebrity sitting around at a CEO’s funeral.
And celebrities there are, all over the place. I can see Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony across the room talking quietly to one of Vanessa’s cousins. I don’t remember all the relatives names because Barker pointed them all out in a matter of five seconds before she sat here with me. And on the way back to the house I saw Enrique Iglesias pay his respects to Vanessa and her brother. Vanessa’s father was well respected as far as I can tell, from the various guests that I’ve seen and talked to. In that aspect of this whole ordeal, I don’t feel weird being here because I’m not the only so called celebrity gracing the grounds of the Martinez Estate and the paparazzi outside isn’t all my fault.
I don’t want to be here.
What I do want is to be the one to comfort Vanessa. I want to hug her and tell her that everything will be alright even though I know it probably won’t be for a long time. I want to be there and she’s not letting me. I can see the wall stacking up around her and I just can’t let that happen. I’ve seen how people become when someone in their lives passes away. I’ve seen the repercussion of fighting the pain. And I thank God that I haven’t had to personally go through it. But I’ve seen it.
And I still don’t want to be here.
“Brian is worried about her too, hell, we all are. We’ve never seen her like this. We’ve seen her set things aside and leave her emotions at the door, plenty of times, it’s what she does. But she always talks to me about everything. She always comes out of things with her head held high. And this is just different. And while it’s understandable, our dad died. I can’t help but think that she’s being selfish. What about the rest of us? What about those of us who are clearly hurting? Mom needs her too, you know? She’s closed off. And do you want to know something else?”
“What’s that,” I know she’s probably going to tell me anyway, whether I answered or not. And I get the feeling she’s talking more to herself than to me. Poor girl.
“She hasn’t cried,” she says and she looks up from where she’s been looking at her lap this entire time. “Not once.”
Somehow, I knew that. I don’t know how I did, but I got the vibe that she hasn’t . I look up to look at Vanessa again and she’s moved to talk to Jennifer and Marc and she looks perfect. I’ve seen her look exceptionally gorgeous before but my earlier thoughts about her looking different come to light. It’s like a shield built around her and while she’s smiling and carrying on with conversations, both Barker and I, see the perfect stone statue she‘s become.
“Would you like something to drink? I’m sorry we haven’t been better hosts. I can get you something,” she says standing from the sofa. She smiles down at me and I stand shaking my head.
“No, it’s okay, Barker. I think I’m going to find Johnny and head back to the hotel,” I say and she smiles sadly and gives me a hug that I return. I feel really bad. “I’m sure she’ll talk to you soon, Barker, don’t worry.”
“I know, I’m sorry, I’m just kind of a mess. I didn’t mean to talk so much,” she apologizes with a sad smile again. “Thank you for coming, really. I know she hasn’t really shown that, but she’s glad you came, really.”
“You don’t have to do that, Barker, it’s okay.”
“I don’t have to do what? Apologize for her?”
“Yeah, I understand. Don’t worry yourself over it, okay?”
“She loves you, do you know that?”
“What?” I wasn’t expecting her to say that and when I look at her with wide eyes, she smiles. It’s not a sad smile this time, it reaches her eyes and she looks happy when she speaks to me again.
“I know her inside out, Justin. And I just know that she does even though she hasn’t openly admitted it to me. I’m not too worried about her talking to me. Only because I know she’ll talk to you. So you don’t go worrying about her not talking to you right now. She will. I know she will.”
“She’s lucky to have you, Barker,” I say and I kiss her cheek before giving her another short hug. “Trace sends his respects and is sorry he couldn’t make it.”
“I know, he called,” she says before thanking me again and walking away.
Well this is just great. Just when I thought I had all my ducks in a row, Ms. Barker throws a wrench into the whole operation. I mean sure I knew that what Vanessa and I have, what we’ve established these past few months was something. And to be quite honest that something was better left at that, just something. I’m just not ready for that something to be SOMETHING. Even when I know, I’m sure, that it’s already there. I think I’ve been in love with her since the day I met her. Great timing, Timberlake.
I have to walk around and stop to say hello to a few people before I finally spot Johnny across the room. He’s actually in a corner talking to Vanessa and my manager looks so sad stricken, it breaks my heart. I never knew that when he mentioned his longtime friend in random conversations that he was speaking of Raul Martinez. Johnny drove us crazy talking about how things should be done in order to succeed and how he’d learned from his brother, he’d always said. On the flight here, he told me Mr. Martinez meant the world to him. He cried. I never ever imagined that Johnny would cry. Ever.
He went on and on about Vanessa’s father and how great he was throughout the years during our flight. And that wasn’t so bad to hear until Johnny compared his friendship with mine and Trace’s. He painted the picture so clearly for me, I actually felt the tears well up in my eyes. What if Trace died, God forbid, he said. And God, my heart stopped. I can’t even imagine. I love Trace so much, I’d kill him if he ever died. I know that doesn’t make sense but it makes sense to me. I’d be crushed. Johnny’s crushed. He’s probably the reason I’m a little sadder now.
“Hey,” I say when I reach them and Vanessa looks at me briefly before looking back at Johnny.
“I will try to call you later, Uncle Johnny. Thank you for coming. Both of you.” she says and she’s actually about to walk away. Now, I want to cry.
“Wait, hold on,” I say and I’m holding onto her arm without even thinking. She’s looking elsewhere like the thought of looking at me will kill her or something. What’s up with that? “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“I’m heading out to the hotel, Justin. I need to get out of these clothes and I’ll be back a little later,” Johnny says and he looks at my hand holding onto Vanessa’s arm for a moment then looks back at me. Suddenly I realize that I haven’t really clued him in to what’s been going on with Vanessa and I. I feel guilty for some reason. I should have told him that my coming here wasn’t just to pay respects to the Martinez family as a whole. I should have told him I was here for the woman standing stock still in front of us. I feel like shit. Nice, Timberlake! “I’ll send Eric back for you.”
“Okay, thanks Johnny,” I say and Vanessa hasn’t moved from the spot that she’s in and hasn’t tried to move my hand from her arm. I can feel the tremors from the shakes that are going through her body. She doesn’t look one bit affected by her father’s death but as cheesy as it sounds, I can feel it in the touch.
“What’s up?” she says trying to remain as cool as she can. She doesn’t look directly into my eyes but at least she turns to face me.
“Is there somewhere we can go?” I ask and when she turns and walks away I’m assuming she wants me to follow, so I do.
There’s a long hallway leading to what I’m guessing is the kitchen. My guess is confirmed and luckily she doesn’t pick the crowded kitchen as the place to talk because I’d hate having to talk in front of fifty caterers. I don’t even know what the hell I’m going to say but at least the opportunity to have her to myself is near. I’m going to hell for being so selfish.
She opens a door on the far end of the kitchen and she turns to let me walk past her into the room but she doesn’t really look at me. I want to hug her and kiss her and I want to comfort her like I did before but I can’t. I can’t because the situation has been raised a few million notches. Her father, the reason she’s the person that she is, is dead. And it’s not like that’s not a big enough notch, it is a big one. But well I love her and that ladies and gentlemen, is a HUGE notch, for ME.
What am I supposed to do now?
I’ve been in love before, I believe I have. I know that feeling at the pit of my stomach is the anticipation of knowing someone loves you back. In the past, I must admit that it took a while before I fell in love with someone. I was dating Britney for almost a year before I realized that I couldn’t breath without her. With Cameron I’m not so sure that I ever came to that point. It’s a shitty thing to say but it’s the truth I accept, as I look at Vanessa. I loved Cameron, that’s for sure, but God, I’ve never felt this feeling at that pit of my stomach before. At least not since Britney and that must fucking mean something. That has to be good. Because on top of all the bad shit that is surrounding us at this moment, the mourning, I still have the feeling. I can’t set it aside and while it’s scaring the hell out of me, I really don’t want to ignore it.
I love this woman.
“Did you get something to eat?” Is the first thing that she says as she closes the door behind her and looks up at me. “I can get you something.”
“I’m fine, Vanessa, thank you,” I say as I stand behind a leather sofa in what I now realize is her father’s office. I don’t know how I can tell, but the room smells masculine and rich. It’s definitely her father’s office. She walks further into the room, touching the edge of the bookshelves against the wall as if she’s remembering something.
“I wasn’t allowed to come in here when I was a kid,” she says an she looks around the room. “It seemed so much bigger then.”
“It’s a nice place,” I say because whatever she’s choosing to share right now has got to be better than me going back to the hotel, alone.
“My father always told me that this office was for business. That I had to learn about things before I could come in here,” she looks up at me and she smiles sadly and shakes her head. “I’ve never been in here.”
“Let’s go somewhere else,” I say because I can tell being in the room is making her upset.
“It’s alright, Justin,” she says turning to glance around the room. “How was I ever supposed to know what he meant by things? I still don’t, I‘m a failure.”
“Don’t do this to yourself, Vanessa,” I say as I walk around the sofa and step closer to her. She’s looking out into the estate’s gardens and the sun shining in creates a glow around her. She’s astonishing, even when she’s breaking down.
“I have to go,” she says turning and I’m right behind her, the movement places her in my arms. She doesn’t look into my eyes but she lets me put my arms around her. I’ve been waiting for this too long. Her arms come up to wrap around my neck and I squeeze her so hard that I think I might break her. She hugs me back and I can feel her whole body shake. She needs to let it out, but I can feel the restraint. “I have to go.”
“Just let me do this, okay?” I say against her ear and she rests her head on my shoulder. “What’s the rush?”
“I have to get out of here,” she whispers and although the words are sad, I know she’s not crying. She needs to cry because at this point, I’m ready to cry for her.
“Where do you want to go?” I say caressing the waves of curls on her hair. She lifts her head and looks up at me.
“Anywhere but here,” she says and backs away a bit from me to turn to look outside the windows again. My arms stay at her waist and I bring her close to me.
“Will you take me with you?” I whisper in her ear and she leans more towards my chest. My heart aches for her.
“Why did you come, why are you here?” she asks in a whisper and the question surprisingly doesn’t shock me into a silent stupor. And I know the answer the second it’s asked.
Because I love you.
“Because I care about you.” Yes, that’s what I said instead. She turned and gave me hug before we were out of that office and announcing that we were leaving to everyone before I could fucking blink.
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I know how I feel about Vanessa. In fact, I’m one hundred percent sure of how I feel but I’m no fool. She’s going through a rough time in her life. I wasn’t about to throw yet another bomb on her and tell her that I loved her. How inconsiderate would that have been? Her father just died and I’m going to put myself on a chopping block? Just for laugh and giggles?
I think the fuck not.
I mean, I know that my feelings are there and I’m pretty sure she loves me back. And I know it’s not my selfish ass thinking all about me and my feelings. I know she does but I’m not putting myself out there to get fucked up. She could very well tell me to fuck myself and that me loving her isn’t shit compared to the feelings she’s having about her father’s passing. She’d be right. I wasn’t going there. So what did I say? I said I was there because I cared about her and was worried about her. It wasn’t a lie, I do care about her and I am worried about her. Why rush it?
I’m an idiot.
She’s the one that recommended that we get out of town but I’m the one feeling guilty. I feel like her family thinks I’m stealing her and I almost tell her that she should stay and be with her mother and the rest of the family. But I don’t. I’m a selfish prick and I just want to be alone with her. I’m still not going to tell her that I love her, it’s not the right time. AT ALL. But I’m hoping that I can show her. Show her that I’m here for her and that I want to be here for a while.
I’m such a fucking pussy.
I hate when I get like this. When my stomach is in knots and I act like a little bitch. The various lookdowns I get from the family for snatching the host of the service doesn’t really help. I’m on edge and I’m not going to be of any help to Vanessa if I don’t chill the fuck out. Clear your fucking head, Timberlake!
I’m standing at the bottom of the stairs leading to the second floor of the mansion, waiting patiently for the host. Barker is sitting on one of the steps with her brother Brian, who keeps looking at me like he’s expecting some type of performance from me. What the fuck?
“I don’t know you,” he says and his tone is serious, so I assume he‘s talking to me. “But she seems to trust you and I’m going to take that as a good sign. She doesn’t trust anyone.”
“Thank you,” I say, because I could either take it as a compliment or a jab and considering we’re at his father’s funeral service, I’ll go with the latter. I take a deep breath because I know that he’s also going through some shit. I swear at any other event I’d tell him to chill the fuck out and drop the fucking attitude but his dad just fucking died. His sister is bouncing with a Hollywood star during the funeral service and his other sister is a hot mess. It‘s understandable, but shit, chill out. “I’ll take care of her. Don’t worry.”
“Do you want me to get her?” Barker asks.
“No, it’s alright,” I say and take another glance toward the top of the stairs where Vanessa disappeared to. “I can wait.”
“Do you know where you’re going?” Barker asks and I have no clue where it is that Vanessa wants to go, so now I feel guilty that I can‘t answer that question. Vanessa just said she wanted to leave and hell, I agreed.
“I don’t know yet,” I say shaking my head. “We’ll figure it out.”
“Just call and check in whenever you get to your destination, okay?” Brian interjects. “You don’t have to tell us where you’re at, just call.”
“Will do,” I say before Vanessa appears at the top of the stairs with a small travel bag and her cell phone attached to her ear.
“I can be there Thursday afternoon,” she says to the person on the phone as she makes her way down the stairs. She still looks entirely too carefree and it tears me up a bit to see her building that wall around herself. “Sure, no problem.”
“Is everything okay?” Brian asks his sister as he takes her bag and walks down the rest of the stairs with Barker in toe.
“Everything’s fine,” Vanessa says before looking at me and then back at her siblings. “Mom fell asleep but I don’t know for how long this time. Will you make sure that she’s taken care of when she wakes up, Brian?”
“Of course,” Brian says and it dawns on me that Vanessa has taken the reigns of this family. She has in some sense, become her father. It makes sense the way she’s been acting and makes things a little clearer. This entire family depended on her father and now, she seems to take the lead. Her father would have never shown weakness, he would have walked around here taking care of everything. And Vanessa is doing just that. She tells Barker what needs to be done and both Brian and her listen intently to what Vanessa is saying.
She’s amazing.
“We should go,” she says to me and takes her bag from Brian’s hand before hugging him and telling him that everything will be okay. How can this woman be the rock of the family yet be breaking down? I can see it. I don’t know how they can’t, it’s evident. Vanessa is a bigger mess than they are and it kind of angers me that they are letting her get away with it. They’re ignoring it.
“Remember what I told you, Justin,” Barker says as she hugs me goodbye and I smile at her before shaking Brian’s hand.
Outside there’s a crowd of men with cameras and a million and two reporters. A lot of them shout my name as Eric tries to keep them at a distance and I feel horrible that Vanessa has to go through this. It baffles me that at a gathering after a funeral of a highly respected CEO, the fuckers are still wanting a piece of ME. Who cares about me! Fuck! Raul Martinez is dead!! This shit never ends for me. I feel shitty.
It’s not until we’re inside the limo and halfway to the airport that I can see Vanessa finally relax. She’s hasn’t said anything to me but the minute we were inside the limo, her head was resting on my shoulder. I can feel the sadness dripping from the deep sighs she lets out. I don’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry about that,” I tell her, finally breaking the silence between us.
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” she says and she’s absentmindedly playing with my tie.
“Are you?”
“Am I what?” she asks lifting her head to look at me.
“Are you fine?” I ask and she returns her head to my shoulder. I know it’s because she’s going to lie and she knows that I’ll be able to tell.
“I will be,” she says. “Where are we going?”
“Wherever you want to go, Vanessa,” I say kissing her forehead and gently rubbing my hand on her back.
“Can we just go back to your place?” she asks and I wasn’t really expecting her to want to go home but as long as I get to be with her, I don’t care where we go.
“Home, it is then.”
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Los Angeles
It’s a little past midnight when Eric pulls into the driveway of my house and I’m thankful that we’re home. Vanessa is asleep in my arms due to the fact that because of the last minute flight, we arrived at an airport two hours away. She’s snuggles against my side and because I don’t want to disturb the only sleep she’s gotten in two days, I let the cramp on my leg, pass without moving.
It was really quiet for the first hour of the flight and the silence was somewhat okay for the time being. I know she’s struggling with a lot of shit and her head must be spinning so I didn’t want to push her to talk to me if she wasn’t ready. On the other hand I wanted to shake her and tell her that she wasn’t alone. That would be the selfish lovesick bastard side of me, no doubt. I’ve been having those three little words at the tip of my lips since we left the Hamptons, and well that can fuck me up. I’ve always been able to just say what I have on my mind without worrying too much of the next m other fucker’s thoughts on the subject. it’s a mother fucking free country and if I want to say something, I will. I wouldn’t have gotten this far in my career if I’d sat back like a little bitch and took it. Fuck that! But now, well now I am a little bitch and it matters to me what the next person’s thoughts are because that person is Vanessa. And she matters. But I can’t put myself out there right now, not now. So I hoped that she would start talking and I would keep my words to myself. Luckily I didn’t have to ask her to talk to me. She talked on her own.
And she talked about her father surprisingly.
Most people that are going through a tough time dealing with the death of a family member are more than likely occupying themselves with other things. Things like work and other family members so that they don’t have to admit that person is gone. But not Vanessa. Vanessa talked nonstop about her father for four hours. And I swear I’ve never heard more stories about one single person in my entire life.
I learned a lot of shit about Raul Martinez that I’m not sure I’m supposed to know. But Vanessa was talking, so I listened because any type of release she opts for is good. I learned that when Vanessa was thirteen, she went on a camping trip with her dad and had the most amazing time with him. I learned that while he was strict with her, she got away with a lot more things than her brother, Brian, ever did. She was daddy’s princess for a long time, she said. And while I wondered what happened to that close relationship, I didn’t ask. I know the basics of it, what Vanessa told me about her college years but I don’t know the logistics of it all. I didn’t ask.
I was just glad that she was talking.
She wasn’t really talking to me, I must admit. I know that I was the one she was snuggled against and talking to, physically. But it was like she was just choosing to remember all the good things her father did for her. Almost like she was feeling guilty about her feelings. I think she loved her father, scratch that, I know she loved her father but in some ways, in things that she said, I think she’s still struggling with her emotions. Like I thought I heard her sniffle, like she was crying but she kept talking and when I told her about some of my own stories of Johnny speaking about her father, she looked up at me and no tears were present.
Most of the time, I don’t want to see a woman cry. I hate that shit with a passion, trust me. It’s just so fucking wrong to see a woman cry and not have your heart break. But like I said most of the time, because I can tell you that when Britney cried at the end of our relationship, I was so fucking sick of crying myself, that I didn’t give a damn. Where do you think Cry Me A River came from? Seriously.
The sound of the front gates opening is loud enough to make Vanessa raise her head from my chest.
“Are we here?” she asks and I smile at the loud yawn that she let’s out.
“Nice nap?” I ask when she sits up and tries to fix the wrinkled suit jacket she has on.
“Wow, I didn’t realize how sleepy I was,” she says as Eric pulls the car right into the garage. I silently thank him when he looks back through the rearview mirrors. The last thing I want right now is to see the flashing lights coming from the outskirts of my property. “I’m sorry.”
“For what? You‘re tired. We both are,” I say with a smile as I open the door. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
“Is anyone home?” she asks as she opens the door on her side and steps out of the car.
“Do you know if Rachel left?” I ask Eric who is now getting our bags from the back of the car.
“I believe she said she was leaving around seven, so I think Mike is here by himself,” Eric says as I offer to take the bags from his hands.
“Alright,” I say as I watch Vanessa look through her purse and retrieving her cell phone. “You ready?”
“Yeah,” she says and she smiles a little at Eric. “I’m sorry you had to drive all the way from San Diego.”
“Don’t be,” Eric says with a chuckle. “I’ve had the rock star here, asked to be driven to farther places. Two hours from San Diego is nothing.”
“Shut up, Eric,” I say before I shake my head and walk around the car to the door that will lead into my house. “Go home.”
“Will do,” Eric says with a salute and a waive of his middle finger. Vanessa laughs a little but it still makes me wonder why I put up with the lack of respect.
“And take Mike with you,” I say over my shoulder as we walk into the kitchen. Vanessa is right behind me and I know it’s not the right time but I’m dying to kiss her.
I mean, I’m not a fucking prick, I’m not trying to fuck or anything. I just want to be alone with her. Just the two of us, well except for Brennen and Buckley who come charging at us from wherever the hell they were at. I’m hoping to God that Mike didn’t have them in the white living room but I would bet a hundred fucking dollars that they were.
“Hey boys,” Vanessa says and because I’m trying to figure out where the dogs were coming from, the right or the left of the foyer, I didn’t realize that the dogs bypassed me. Those fuckers went straight to the female in the room. Who the fuck buys their food?
“Nice,” I say and I roll my eyes playfully at Vanessa as she lets the dogs lick the shit out her face. It makes me smile to see the commotion in front of me. They love her. Not like I’m starting to, but they love her either way.
“Don’t be jealous, Mr. Timberlake,” she says and I chuckle because it’s the first time she’s used a joking tone of voice.
“First you steal my every thought,” I say as I drop the bags on the floor and watch Eric go around them to fetch Mike. “Then my dogs. What’s next, Ms. Martinez?” I want to tell her that I already know what it is. I want to tell her that she stole my heart, but again it’s not the right time.
“I don’t have to steal anything,” she says giving Brennen a pat on the head. “People just give me stuff, it’s a gift.”
“Is that right?”
“That’s right,” she says standing from the crouched position she’s in. You can actually see the disappointment in the dogs eyes as they sit there and stare at her. It’s amazing. The dogs are clearly crazy about her and boy do I know how they feel. “But I will steal some food, Mr. Timberlake.”
“Are you hungry?” I ask and suddenly I realize that I’m starving myself.
“A little,” she says and when Mike and Eric appear in the kitchen she looks up to smile politely at them.
“I’m sorry about your loss.” Mike says genuinely.
“Thank you,” Vanessa says and moves to sit on one of the stools by the kitchen island.
“We’re out of here,” Eric says with a yawn. “No funny business, Justin.”
“Now, why would you say that,” I don’t know why he thinks I would actually leave my house when my girl is home with me. My girl. Yeah, that sounds good. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure Mr. Timberlake doesn’t go club hopping alone like he’s known to do. He‘s been advised by his people n regards to that. He has good public relations people, you know.” Vanessa says and I’m surprised by her joke.
“The best,” I say with a chuckle. “Now, get out of my house.”
“You two have a good night,” Eric says heading toward the door that Mike is already standing by. “Again, I’m really sorry for your loss, Ms. Martinez.”
“Thank you,” Vanessa says and she smiles at him before returning her attention to Buckley.
“Okay,” I have no idea what’s in the refrigerator in my house and I’m hoping that Rachel picked up some food before she left to meet Trace in wherever the fuck country he’s at this week. Luckily for Rachel and her job, there is food in the refrigerator. Unlucky for me, everything needs to be cooked in some form. “There’s all kinds of frozen stuff but I’m not sure that I want to wait. How about a sandwich?”
“Perfect,” Vanessa says and when I turn around she’s standing by the kitchen island looking at me.
“I know what you mean,” I say and smile at her. I don’t even think about it twice, I lean over the kitchen island and I kiss her lips softly before smiling and turning to get the lunchmeat out of the fridge.
“How are things with the restaurant?” she asks and I’m a little surprised because we haven’t really talked about me in the last few hours. I hadn’t mind at all.
“Good,” I say as I place slices of bread on plates and open the mayonnaise jar. “I decided on a name and I hired that chef you liked.”
“Good,” she says and she picks up a piece of cheese and bites a piece of before folding it into layers. “What name did you pick?”
“Southern Hospitality,” she eats the rest of the cheese and shakes her head in approval.
“Sounds good,” she says with a smile. “I heard the Victoria Secret show was awesome, by the way.”
“It was okay,” I shrug.
“Just okay?”
“I had other things on my mind,” I tell her looking up from my sandwich making process. “I would have enjoyed performing while you were on stage, that’s for sure.”
“Would that have been because I would have been half naked? And how do you know I was supposed to be there?” she asks curiously. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”
“Just you being there would have made a difference, Vanessa,” I say and I’m suddenly shy. I’m a moron. “You could have been backstage the entire time and it would still have made a difference, trust me. And word travels fast in that backstage area.”
“Big mouths and small brains,” she says and I look at her curiously.
“What?”
“Those models,” she says with a serious tone. “I hate them.”
“You hate models? Seriously?” I ask with a chuckle. “Contradict yourself much?”
“Shut up, I’m not like them,” she says biting into the sandwich that I place in front of her. I circle around the island and sit on the stool net to hers before she does the same.
“You look like one,” I say taking a bite of my sandwich and thinking I should have made myself two of them.
“Maybe,” she says drinking a little of water from the bottles I took out of the refrigerator. “But I’m not brain dead like sixty percent of them.”
“I was teasing, V,” I say with a big smile.
“I know,” she says shaking her head. We eat in silence for a few seconds before she speaks again. “Thank you.”
“It’s just a sandwich,” I say and she looks at me.
“Not for the sandwich,” she says with a small smile.
“I know,” I know she’s thanking me for just being there but I’m the one that should be thanking her. I should be the one thanking her for allowing me to get to know her. I should be thanking her for allowing me to fall in love with her. I should be thanking her for coming to my house with me.
“I need a bath,” she says randomly. “Baths are my relaxation times. I haven’t had much of those in a few days. Tell me you have a tub and not just a shower.”
“I’ll tell you something better,” I say finishing my sandwich as I watch her eat hers. “I just had a new Jacuzzi installed last week. Hasn’t even been used yet. You’re more than welcome to have the honors.”
“Oh, thank God,” she says and she actually sounds relieved. I smile.
“When you’re finished with that we can go up and set the water for you.”
“Will you take one with me?”
“Sure. Whatever you want, Vanessa.” I say as I finally get some attention from the dogs I hand picked from the litter. Traitors!
“Lead the way,” she says as she finishes her sandwich and stands.
“Let me put these guys in their room, I’ll be right back,” I say before standing and calling the dogs to follow me. It takes a few calls from me, the last one being stern, for them to follow. She’ll be here in the morning guys! Geez! “Jacuzzi time,” I say when I return a few seconds later and she’s standing in the middle of the foyer with her Blackberry in her hand.
“Battery died,” she says holding it up and the cord she has in her other hand.
“Come on, let’s get you hooked up,” I say taking the Blackberry and cord from her hands. I set the alarm at the bottom of the stairs and we make it up to the second floor as the lights dim.
I have her phone charging and the water running minutes later. When I return upstairs from getting the travel bags I forgot to get the first time, Vanessa is in the bathroom and she’s lighting the million and one candles in there.
“Have you even used these yet?” she asks about the candles as she walks around the large bathroom lighting them with one of those long ass matches Rachel got.
“First time,” I shrug. “I haven’t had much time at home lately.”
“That’s right, I’m sorry,” she says shaking her head as if she’d said something stupid.
“Looks nice in here,” I say admiring the lighting effect the candles bring to the room. It’s really relaxing looking, needless to say. Romantic, maybe. That is if I was even going that route, which I’m not cause I’m not an ass like that. Her father died, Timberlake. I keep telling myself that.
And I continued telling myself that over and over again when she strips herself out of her clothes. She doesn’t once look at me as she does, but I am sure looking at her because I’m a man and I could. And because I don’t want to look like an ass standing there with her bag in my hand, I put the bag down and pull my shirt over my head.
She’s not looking at me while I get undressed and I’m grateful because if she looks at me, I’m not guaranteeing that she won’t get an eye full of hard dick. Absolutely no guarantee. I’m also glad that the foam from the bubble bath she decided to put in there cover everything under the water. I can see her shoulders and her bent knees when I step into the large tub across from her. That’s it.
“I have to meet with my dad’s lawyer on Thursday,” she says when I’m settle comfortably in the tub. And holy shit does the water feels good. I love this shit.
“In New York?” I ask, reaching for her foot under the water.
“Here,” she says and she allows me to place her foot on my chest while I rub it with enough pressure to make her eyes close. “That feels good.”
“Good,” I say making circular motions on the arch of her foot. “Do you know what the meeting’s about?”
“The will mostly,” she says and her eyes remain closed and I swear she’s the most beautiful human being I’ve ever seen. I love her. “Some other things too.”
“Oh,” I say as I start the same process on her other foot. “Will you like me to come with you?”
“If you don’t mind,” she says opening her eyes to look at me. I can tell it embarrasses her to actually need someone but it tugs at my heart that she’s choosing me. “I know you have a lot to do.”
“I want to,” I say sincerely because I want to be with her. Any chance I get. Its amazing what a few weeks of telephone conversations can do to someone’s heart. I’m a sucker for her and we’ve only had sex once. That is, if you can call what we did sex. I mean, it was but it was too short, entirely too short. Usually for me to start feeling remotely close to how I feel for Vanessa, we would have gotten down a few hundred times by now. But no, I’m here. I love her. “I really do.”
“You’re not such an asshole, Mr. Timberlake,” she says and I chuckle. She chuckles a bit and flicks bubbles on me, playfully.
“You’re not such an bitch, Ms. Martinez,” I say doing the same with the bubbles. We talk about random things for a long time before the bubbles start to die down and the water isn’t as hot as it used to be. “You ready for bed yet?”
“Yeah,” she says retying the strands of hair on the ponytail on her head. “I need to replace my tub with one of these at my place.”
“Well if I have anything to do with it, you’ll be here enough to not need one at your place,” I say as I lift myself from the tub, water splashing everywhere. I’m careful not to bust my ass on the slippery wet floor as I reach for a towel. Vanessa stays in the tub watching me as I dry myself off a bit before wrapping the towel around my waist. “You’re going to turn into a prune if you don’t get out.”
“I think I’m already there,” she says as she stands carefully in the tub and looks at her fingers.
I help her step out of the tub and without thinking I start to dry her off with the spare towel in my hand. I’m not trying to be perverted, I swear. I just want her to relax because it’s what she needs. So if I could do things for her, I will. I don’t linger in areas on her hot ass body or anything, I simply dry her as best as I can. As quickly as I can without giving her a towel burn. When I look up at her from where I’m drying her legs a bit, she’s staring down at me and I know I’m in trouble.
I stop the movement of my hand with the towel and I stand up straight to lift her arms. I’m almost done wrapping the towel around her when she reaches up. Her hand comes to my cheek and she doesn’t have to pull me much before her lips are on mine. My arms automatically go around her and she presses herself against me as she kisses me. Oh, man.
I don’t want to do this. I mean, I do, but not now. Not when her heart is aching for her father’s death. Not now. I can’t.
“Vanessa,” I say when she kisses my neck softly and I almost pass the fuck out. “wait.”
“Please, Justin,” she whispers in my ear. “I need you. Please don’t make me beg.”
And hell, who the fuck am I kidding? She called me Justin. I’m a sucker.
LoveStoned by Lynn
Author's Chapter Notes:
It's been a while. Enjoy!
Story Tags: interracial wallsex celebrityj enemiesturnedlovers
