We walk out of the bathroom, refreshed, energetic, and ready to dance. I instinctively wipe my nose as Taylor grabs my hand and pulls me towards the door and out of the bar. The outside air feels really cool against my bare arms and face and I am aware of every hair standing on end. Taylor is still holding my hand and I wish she would let go. All she wants to do is get to the dance club next door and let the pace of her body catch up with the pace of her heart, but I need to stand here for a minute. I'm afraid that if my body catches up with my heart, my entire being will explode.

Taylor keeps pulling and laughing and I keep being dragged because the club is so close now. I feel like I could lose her in there and finally sit down for a second.

The door guy asks for our ID's and I'm panicking because I don't know where my purse is. I'm still holding on to Taylor's hand as if it's the only thing left in this world. I want to sit down right here, but there are so many people behind me waiting to get in that I could just quit standing and I still wouldn't fall to the floor. 

Before I could actually put that idea to the test, I saw Taylor grab the door guy"s hand with her free one and put it on her breast. She whispered something in his ear and he let us pass with a big fucking smile on his face. I wanted to mouth 'help me' to him, but he was too busy staring at Tay's ass. The world is going to hell, I thought.

As we passed the bar, I forcefully disconnected our hands. She was too busy running to some mutual friends to notice the change. I watched her platinum blonde head mesh in with the crowd before leaning on the bar. My heart was beating so fast and I wondered exactly how cheap this shit had been. I wondered what it had been cut with and if I was actually going to die. Though this wasn't my first time doing coke, I could still go out like Len Bias. Well, I would need a much flashier career and there's no way I'd make the ten o'clock news around the world, but my heart could still plausibly explode. I could still end up a joke. 

It was seventies night tonight and I felt like Donna Summer was singing right to me. She was in my ear. She was sitting on my shoulder. She was my own personal form of entertainment tonight and I felt so special.

I wanted to dance so bad, but I felt like my heart wouldn't be able to take it. I could already feel it beating out of my chest and I wondered if anyone else could see. Perhaps I looked like a saturday morning cartoon character who was in love. I started laughing out loud because I thought that was funny, despite no one being remotely close to me.

I was starting to feel okay now. I didn't feel like I was going to die anymore. I appreciated that.

I couldn't find Tay because everyone had blonde hair at this place, but I went to the dance floor anyway. I didn't know the song, but it was dance-y and sexy, so I squeezed between some people and started moving. It wasn't long before someone had their hands on my hips and was moving in sync with me. Their hands were big and warm and I could feel their heart beating through their chest and into my back. Unless my heart was just beating that intensely. Songs passed and the dude completely kept up with me. He was smooth and had rhythm and gave me a run for my money. His hands were big on my hips and he was breathing on my neck in a very sexy way. I laid my head in the crook of his neck and moved with him until it felt like we were one person.

I was so caught up in my high that I didn't even notice when the DJ made the last call announcements. People were starting to clear out, but I wasn't finished yet. I wanted to keep dancing. I was hot, and sweaty, and completely fucking euphoric. This was the best night of my life. Everything was so right. The music, the dancing, the boy behind me.

The boy behind me suddenly became the boy in front of me when he whipped me around by my hips.

"Belle? What the Fuck?"

I grinned, "Justin, oh my god, Justin! You are such a good dancer! It's so crazy that I never knew that. I think I want to dance with you for the rest of my life. That was so-- that was just great!" I was touching his chest through his shirt and he was so warm that I just wanted to lay on him.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, Belle. You're high as shit." He pulled my arms off of his chest and held my wrists at a distance. I laughed.

"Justin, I am and it's so good. Like, I finally feel like I really get it." I was talking so fast because I wanted him to understand. I wanted him to know this was the best night ever. I wanted him to feel it too.

"What you're going to get is raped, you idiot. Where's Taylor?" Justin looked around the club, "Is she your ride home?"

The club had cleared out pretty quickly and we were nearly the only ones left. There was no Taylor in sight.

"Shit. Belle," He snapped his fingers in my face trying to get my attention. He looked completely perplexed and I felt badly for him. I wanted him to being having as much fun as I was. "Belle, look at me. Do you have a roomate or someone who would watch over you tonight?"

I didn't understand why he was being so serious. This was such a fun night. Everyone in the world should be having the time of their lives. "Justin. Oh my god, Justin. We should go to Taylor's! Everyone is probably over there by now. We could keep dancing and she probably has some more coke left ov--"

"There is no way in hell I'm taking you to Taylor's." He mumbled under his breath, trying to find a solution to the problem. "Come on." He grabbed my hand and for the second time tonight I was being drug around a bar.

The air outside felt so cool and good and I started spinning in circles. My unnaturally black hair that I had pinned up before I did the coke was starting to fall free and whip around my face. I felt my purse fall off of my shoulder and to the concrete sidewalk with a quiet thud. Suddenly, I felt so free. I had nothing tying me down and nothing to hold on to. This is the meaning of  life, I thought. I could do this forever. I could feel this way forever. I will never get older and I will never die. I will always be young and pretty and free. 

Soon I became dizzy and fell to the floor. I suspect I I fell on my purse, but I couldn't be sure. I decided that spinning in circles forever may not be the best thing for me, but I could still be young and pretty. Gravity can't take those away from me. I started laughing. Cocaine was the fountain of youth.

"Oh, Belle."

I felt two strong hands lift me up and throw me over their shoulder. The white shirt, I realized, was Justin's. I started fisting at it, wishing he would walk slower. All of that spinning made me feel legitimately sick and I think I was coming down now. 

"Justin," I begged. "Please stop walking. I need a break. Please." I was afraid that feeling sick was going to lead to me actually getting sick.

"We haven't been walking for half an hour, Belle. You passed out. Please lay back down. I'm going to get you some water." His voice was soft and sweet and it was the best thing I had ever heard.

He was right, we were no longer walking. I had no concept of time. We were no longer outside of the club, but on a bed somewhere. It was the softest bed I had ever felt and I became obsessed with touching it.  When he left the room I tried to lean up, but my head hurt so bad that I immediately laid back down. I was glad to be on a bed, but there were so many blankets and I felt unbelievably hot.

The bed shifted under his weight and his hands were on the back of my neck trying to get me to take a drink. "Justin no, I don't want it. I'm so hot." The lights overhead were hurting my eyes so badly that I couldn't even open them, and time was moving at a pace I couldn't define.  I started pulling at my shirt because I felt so restricted.

"Come on," I was dead weight against Justin and he was moving me around slowly for some reason I couldn't figure out. "work with me here." he pleaded. I felt my black tank top being lifted off my body slowly and carefully.

"Justin, are we going to have sex?" I mumbled lazily. My mouth and tongue felt numb and I didn't understand it. I kept licking my lips, but they never felt wet enough.

"Seriously, Lucy May? No, we are not going to have sex." He was talking very low because I think he knew my head hurt. "You're burning up. I just want you to be comfortable. Plus, your clothes reek of cigarette smoke and I don't want my bed smelling like that."

"I like having sex with you." I admitted. My speech was getting more slurred the more tired I became. 

"Yea, yea, I like having sex with you too." Is what I thought I heard him say, but I couldn't be sure. "Belle, lift up your hips. We're almost done." I didn't so much as lift up my hips and just turn over, but he took the opportunity to slide my signature black jeans off my legs and replace them with something softer and shorter.

"Justin, you're not that bad." I was obsessed with saying his name. It was so masculine and strong, like his hands. "I don't know why I hate you so much."

"What? You hate m-"

"Will you just stay with me tonight?" I cut him off, but I didn't notice it. "My head hurts." I leaned into his chest and finally allowed my eyes to close. 

I was hearing less and less and my eyes were getting harder and harder to open. I didn't feel so hot any more. I just felt unnaturally tired.