"Bobbi, I can't make it to see you tomorrow," I tell my girlfriend, pinching the bridge of my nose and resting my elbow on my knee.
"What do you mean you can't make it?"
"Something came up and I just can't make it. I've already cancelled the plane ticket. I'm needed here until I go to Minnesota, back on tour."
"But baby," she whines.
"No, my family needs me and I'm not walking away from it until I have to."
"Then I'm coming to you."
"No way in hell you are!" I yell sternly, standing my ground on this matter.
I look at Jazz, asleep beside me on the couch, Nick stroking her hair to keep her asleep. She's sitting up with her knees drawn to her body and has her head on them, each of her hands has a grip on my shirt and Nick's as she sits between Devin's legs. It's been nine hours and she's been excused from rehearsals and Nick has until three before he has to go. Nick may be asleep, but his hand doesn't stop raking through her hair. "-listening to me?"
"I'm more concerned about what's going on here than your problem about me not coming to see you," I say, almost mad enough to punch someone. I contain my emotions, I can't chance making her fear me again and I know I did it when we had that screaming match blowout over Bobbi on the bus.
Devin can't be comfortable, he hasn't slept or moved much since sitting like this. "Then I'm going to Minnesota so I'm there to greet you."
"Just don't come here, you're not welcome."
"I don't even know where you are!" she shrieks at me.
"Then it works out." I haven't slept yet and have been up for close to 24 hours.
"You're such an asshole sometimes, Joshua!"
A weak smile comes to my lips. "So I've been told. I'll call you later."
"Whatever," she huffs and hangs up.
I close my phone and toss it onto the chair, exhausted and in desperate need of food and sleep. Last time I had a chance to eat was thirteen hours ago. I had watched Nick text and listen to him call his parents, a couple cousins, someone named Brent, his sisters and his bandmates about the situation involving Jazzy's life threatening scare last night. He kept her hidden and quiet, ensuring she'd stay alive while they waited for the asshole to leave and giving up for the time being. He found her because she had called someone or mailed something to someone in cohorts with him. I don't know the full extent of it, but someone other than she does and I don't know who or how much. "JC?" Jazzy groggily asks, quiet as I've ever heard her be.
"I'm still here."
"Can we talk, please?"
"Sure."
"Alone, later?"
"You want to go out to that Chinese joint we found last time we were here with the other four?"
"I'm thinking Italian."
"That's fine. I can make a reservation and request a quiet secluded corner."
"Thanks," she says, feigning a smile, still very much afraid for her life.
She touches Nick's wrist, waking him gently. His tired eyes focus on her face. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah, thanks." She's also sounding scared, appreciative, and confused. She hasn't picked up her cell and Lance has been calling and texting non-stop, worried. He told me he's concerned because he felt something was off kilter last night, his nerves made him jumpy enough to stay in the hotel all day yesterday. Her cell rings for the thousandth time since Nick ran with her, she had left it on the coffee table when it happened. "Hello? Hey, James. Um," I hear the fear return to her voice. "He found me. Nick kept me alive, JC and Devvie wrestled with him. I froze up," she informs him and goes into a quick synopsis of what went on. "I didn't know what to do, thank God he remembered those words or I might not be here." She laughs for a few seconds. "I was given today and tomorrow to get back into the game. JC, are you staying until you go back on the road?" I nod, giving her enough reason to relax some. "Yes, he is. I will. I know I'm beyond grateful for the three of them. It's going to take some time, but yes, I'll be fine in the end. Bye." She hangs up and gets up, heading for her room to most likely get ready for a shower.
I get up, grabbing my cell from the chair, continuing to walk out to the back of the building. "Hey, man."
"I need you to do something for me," I tell him.
"What's that?"
"Stay with Jazzy until she leaves for tour, please? Man, I can't lose her, she's like a sister to me, she's fucking family like you are," I say, scared to fucking death about losing the sixteen year old girl that I consider a sister to me.
"What happened?"
"Man, just please, I'm begging you!" I convince the man I consider family, afraid Brandon may come back for her and soon.
"Alright, man. I'll be there tomorrow, bright and early. Where is she?"
"Johnny's Compound with Nick, Aaron, the Boys and three other friends. That's not counting the other dancers, crew and security. I have no clue how this fucker got past the security, but I'll be damned if I lose Jazzy. I would rather kill the shitbag and rot in a cell for protecting her, not caring about anything except knowing that she's safe."
"Calm down, JC. I said I'm coming, I'll be there. You call your friend back home?"
"Kace? Yes, I called him. Only reason I didn't ask him to keep watch over her is because she doesn't know him, man."
"I understand that."
"Thanks, D. You have no idea how much I appreciate you doing this for me."
"She knows LiLi and Rashad?"
"Yes, she's gotten to know them and has been in a couple of her videos."
"I'll bring at least Rashad with me."
"Bring her too, she needs her. She might tell her everything. Between the Boys, the other four in my band, Aaron, myself and the guys in that new band LNO or whatever they came up with only have been told bits and pieces of her life. None of us know everything. She tells Lance more than any of us."
"Maybe you should have him call me, LiLi or Rashad. Just tell him that it's important personal business and has to be dealt with immediately."
"I will."
"Talk to you later, man."
"Sure, D, bye."
I hang up with him and call Lance. "Hi, JC." He's stressed, it's evident in his voice.
"You need to call Aaliyah, her brother or Dallas."
"Alright, but why?"
"It's important, personal and has got to be dealt with now. Just call one of them."
"Uh, okay."
"It's for Sam," I sigh.
"Then I guess I have to tell them her whole history."
"You're going to have to." I feel so bad, kind of like I'm betraying her trust to protect her.
He sighs, exasperated. He probably feels as I do, only doing this because he wants her to stay alive and safe. "I feel like scum doing this behind her back, giving her a reason to distrust me for the rest of our lives."
"Her safety and life means more than losing her."
"Good point, thanks for caring about her. Bye."
~~~~~
She sighs, taking a deep breath as she tries to calm her nerves as we pull up to on of her favorite restaurants here in Orlando-Friendly's. I know there's countless Friendly's locations, but she loves the one here in Orlando most of all. She ended up asking me after she had a shower if we could just eat at a Friendly's instead and I agreed. We walk in and the server greets us warmly, "Only two today?"
"Yes, miss. A booth in the back is preferred," I respond. She leads us to a booth in the back corner and takes our drink orders before running back to the kitchen. "What happened to make you so afraid of Brandon?"
"He would get high and/or drunk, beat my mom and would also beat me worse somedays. He also would try to kill me by pinning me down and strangling me or covering my mouth and nose somehow. He's come close a number of times, the last time happened was around Halloween 96 and it was at my mom's friend, Laney's house." She stops talking as she realizes something that can keep her alive or result in us losing her.
"Is that who you think might be telling him everything every time?"
"I dunno, probably." She's in full thought mode, considering who could be helping Brandon find her and everyone is a suspect.
"Just be cautious about who you tell things to. Important information like addresses, phone numbers and whatnot."
"I can think of a couple handfuls of people who might talk to him. I think I'm going to stop answering calls from anyone other than you, the Boys, the other four guys, Aaron, LFO, my mom and your families."
"What about Johnny?"
"He, security and whoever I'm on the road with can talk face to face because I'm not risking my life again for anybody."
The server comes over, puts our sodas in front of us and pulls out her pad and pen. "Have you decided on what you'll be having tonight?" she inquires, a forced grin on her face.
"I'll have the shrimp basket. Josh, could we share a clam basket?" Jazz asks me, pulling her Buccaneers cap further down to conceal her eyes and to keep fans from recognizing us.
"Sure, and I'll have the fisherman's platter. She likes tartar sauce alot, so can we get like five extra things of it?"
"You're just as guilty, fruit cake!" she taunts.
"What are you going to do about it, shortie?" I tease back, a low chuckle coming out.
She laughs. "This is why I turn to all you guys, you make me feel better after some major shit goes down."
"It's why we're here for you, little sis."
We talk for about ten minutes before a fan recognizes her and realizes that I'm with her, thankfully it's a calm fan who respects us. She looks about Jazz's age. "Excuse me, JC? Lynni?"
Her head whips toward the fan and at me, unsure of how to respond or act. I nod and smile at her before turning to the fan. "Yes?" I answer.
"I was wondering if I could get your autographs? Please? I'm a fan of BSB and your group, JC. She connects the two bands," she beams as she tells the info.
Jazz tries to keep her cool. "Uh, sure. What's your name?"
"Angie."
"Well, Angie, my real name is Jazz. They nicknamed me Lynni because it's my middle name." She smiles as she semi-fabricates the information. Marilyn--->Lynni, no brainer for us, but it works for the simple reason that the fans don't get her true identity.
"Thank you, Lynni," Angie thanks her as the notebook and pen are placed in my hands. "How long have you known BSB and *NSYNC?"
"I've known most of *NSYNC for two years, BSB for almost as long, LFO since 95, and Aaron for close to two years. I've known..." she pauses, fighting her natural urge to call Lance by his first name. "Lance for almost ten years," she says with a smile.
"How'd you meet him?"
"Someone we both know introed us and we grew on each other. Four years ago, he came to Florida to help JC and the guys out and ran into him, literally, after not seeing him for two years. So, we just rebuilt our friendship and we're closer than ever before. He's just as important to me as JC is. They're family to me."
"What about you and Nick?"
"We're trying to rebuild our friendship. It took close to a year for me to even allow it to begin, he wanted to start months ago."
"That's good to know." Angie is excited. I hand her the notebook and pen, watching her run to her friends. She probably told them it's us and stopped her because she started over before yanking her by the wrist back to the table.
"I guess it's not all bad with your guys's fans."
"Did you just say guys's?" I pick on her, our food being placed on the table.
She grabs a fry, bites the majority of it and throws the remaining small piece at me. "Mississippi. Argue with my Neenee."
"Yeah, just blame your upbringing."
She jumps subjects to moments we had together. "...Justin had tripped over his own feet and went face first into the pool!"
"That was great to watch! He learned humility and played it off."
She giggles, her eyes twinkling a little. I know she's still scared. "JC, can I confide in you?"
"Of course."
"Nick took it."
"Huh? Took what?"
"JC," she waits for me to look at her face before she marks her forehead with a 'V'. "That." She looks at me, waiting for me to figure it out.
"What? When? Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Yes. Over a year ago. I thought you'd freak out."
"You used protection?"
"Well, duhhh!" she tells me, exasperated and throwing her arms into the air.
"Just making sure," I reply, my hands going in front of me to signal surrender. I had grabbed my napkin.
She laughs again. "You're definitely 'Daddy C' for some reasons."
"Hey, uh, I called Dallas and asked him to come out with LiLi and Rashad, keep you company and safe until you leave for tour."
I'm expecting her to get pissed, but she shrugs instead. "I guess I need it."
~~~~~
We pull up to the ATV she drives from the main entrance all the time, ready to jump onto it like she had done when it came to the jet ski with Justin. "You coming? I want to get back to Devvie."
Either she's a horrible liar, doesn't want to tell me something or just really is close to him like she says. "I'm coming. Relax, youngin'," I say, poking fun at her.
"Fuck yourself, Daddy C."
I turn around and she's got that complimentary single finger salute up. I climb on the ATV behind her and she makes it roar to life, sure of where she's going within the Compound as she speeds off. "Are you with Devin or is there another reason why you're claiming you are?" I question, entangling her in my arms to feel better because of the speed demon she is most of the time.
"I'm really with him."
"How old is he?"
"Don't stress it, I'm a big girl."
"You're still my baby sister," I remind her, holding onto her tighter.
"Tá a fhios agam, deartháir mór, tá mé ar a dtugtar," she replies. I have no clue what she just said, as far as I'm concerned it was good. I hope it's good, she used her sweet tone and she patted my hand real quick before drifting around the side of the building a few minutes later. Her cell rings and she answers it once she confirms who the caller is and speaks in Irish the entire time as we walk inside.
I spot Nick at the stove and he glances over his shoulder at her, realizing she's going over to him. He remains calm about it when she envelops him in a hug from behind and he reciprocates by slipping an arm back to give her a half hug before she walks away, still on the phone. He glances back at me again. "You look confused," he says, clearly amused.
"I am. Who is she talking to? What was she saying?"
He quickly chuckles as I sit on a stool at the island counter, my feet resting on the side rungs. "She was talking to her Neenee, 'Renny, or James. Something about being thankful for you, me and Devin being here last night to protect her. She appreciates us more than we will ever know because of last night. No matter how mad she can get, she's always going to have us in her life and loves us for keeping her safe. Did she tell you the extent of the damage her dad caused?"
"I think so. Beat her, tried killing her, high, drunk, beat her mom."
He nods. "That's it. She told me because we were together, teaching me the words she screamed last night as a just cause if he ever showed his face and her shriek helped."
"So what did you two talk about?"
"Everything, nothing and left it all open ended."
"Just the gist."
"About her, me, an us, James, her Neenee, her cousins, her considering taking the last dancing position, she listened to a tape I didn't intend on her finding, and how we've been since our split almost a year ago. That's about it."
"How long were you out there after?"
"Most of it was on the way back and when you were out on the porch this morning. We talk on and off now, usually for a few minutes to forty-five and I let her lead it. She's scared shitless and I can't lose her, she has more meaning than I've cared to admit. I realized so many things last night, I'm glad I did. I've come to accept how much and what she means to me, I don't want to lose her again. As long as she and I remain friends, once we rebuild it, I can feel she's going to be just fine."
"It's all about being there for her?" He nods, stirring what he's cooking. "What are you cooking?"
"Um, it's one of her favorite dishes for her to have later tonight. It's like a salad with shrimp as the base meat. She calls it veggied shrimp salad. I used to make it when we were here in Orlando or out in Tampa. It helps calm her down, a comfort dish."
"Oh, what else are you making?" I ask him, hearing oil popping.
"Fried clams, french fries, and some brownies."
"Comfort foods?"
"Pretty much, yeah. Some baked haddock as well."
"Talk about a seafood junkie."
He chortles. "Yes, she is and will have it over the next three days or so."
"From what I understand, if I touch her comfort foods-"
"She will kick your ass royally, she did it to my childhood best friend, Brent."
"When?"
"When she got back from Mississippi almost two years ago."
"I know this maybe an odd question, but when are the happiest memories with her?"
"From when we met until three days before she ran from me. I understand why she ran, now that I see the extent of her fear of him, I can't hold it against her at all."
"How long is that?"
"About a year, give or take a few days."
"How much of that were you two dating?"
"About five months and I fucked up majorly." He nods, admitting his biggest mistake. "Now that she's talking to me, my day doesn't suck as much and all it takes is her saying my name."
"Nick, tar anseo?" she calls out, prompting Nick and I to look at the hall doorway. "I'll be in the backyard," she announces as she walks out the back door. She changed her clothes from jeans and a loose shirt to daisy dukes and a bikini, a towel hanging from her arm.
"Be out in a few, Sam," Nick responds to her request.
"What does tar whatever mean?"
"Tar anseo means 'come here'." He puts everything aside, taking it off the burners and turns to go outside to talk to her. "She taught me some Irish, but not too much."
He heads out the door to talk with her, leaving me to my own thoughts and sometimes it's the most dangerous thing to do. Right now my mind is blank and I like it, need it, want it, crave it after what happened. I guess in time, I'll be ok and back to normal. I have Dallas, LiLi and Rashad coming in the morning and I leave the day after that, barely making it back before the show.
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