"Hold that thought, Brian," she says absentmindedly, checking her phone.
She scoffed at the one I had sent, 'Are you sure you don't want me to stop by when we have a couple days' break?'
"Of course I don't," she muttered, telling me via text that she promise she's fine and that I shouldn't worry. "Dammit, Oshai! I'm fucking fine!"
Nick comes up behind her and grazes his fingers from her ribs to her hip, concerned. "What's wrong?"
"Josh is being the overly concerned and over protective big brother again," she says, a sneer present on her face and in her tone. "I hate when he does that."
Nick, Kevin, Aaron, Howie and Brian all exchanged a look that she can't describe and all nod in a silent agreement.
"Not to burst your bubble, Baby J," Nick starts cautiously, "but maybe he's doing it for your own good." He reaches his free hand to hold onto her, preventing her from slapping or jabbing him.
She twisted away from his hold and looked at the five of them, shocked and in complete disbelief. She has never once felt betrayed by a guy she's felt this way for or by people she believes to be some of her best friends. "I can't believe you're all on his side! What about you, AJ? Have you betrayed me as well? Are you on Oshai's side? How could you guys?" she angrily spat at the six of them, during one of their breaks.
AJ holds his hands up in defense and shakes his head. "Nobody has turned on you or is taking sides, we're all just worried about you since that night."
"It's been a week and a half, I'm fine!!!" I scream, her hands balled into fists and at her sides as her whole body shakes with pure rage.
"Obviously not," Kevin observes, watching her carefully.
"I'm fine!"
"Not if you're getting this defensive over the matter," Howie says, motioning toward her.
"Yes, I'm absolutely fine."
"Sam, we love you and we know how you act when you're hurt," Brian argues.
Nick hugs her, pressing her face against his chest and takes a deep breath. "We love you, care about you and don't want to see you hurt like this."
Tears begin to soak his shirt, hot tears of anger, resentment and sadness. "I'm fine, I'm fine. Stop it. Let go." she repeatedly chanted, pushing him away from her and stand surrounded by them. They're all surprised by my stubbornness, blocking her in the middle of their circle and motionless.
"Jazz, come on! You're my best friend and Nick needs you to keep him sane on tour!" Aaron shouted at her, furious with tears streaming down from his brown eyes.
I forces her way past Brian and Howie, bolting for her ATV and blowing by Fatima without a word.
Nick's story as he told me plays in my mind as I recall it, talking to him and make sense of the whole thing.
I haven't heard from my baby sister since the text insisting she's fine and that I shouldn't visit her, but I have received worried calls and texts from the Boys saying she took off after telling her that I'm just looking out for her. "Whoa, slow down, Nick! She what?" I ask.
"She took off! Her ATV is gone, she won't answer our texts or calls and I can't even think of where to begin looking for her! Come on, man!" he rambles frantically, near tears and I imagine him ready to tear his hair out over her running off. He feels bad about this situation, maybe even slowly going out of his mind over it.
I run my hands through my short hair and look at Lance who's on the phone with her, shrugging and shaking his head. "I'll call you back in a little while."
"She call someone?"
"Yes, Lance."
"Please, please, please, let us know if she's ok and where she is!" he begs.
"I will, just relax."
I hang up and listen to his end of the conversation. He sees me hang up, quickly switches it to speaker and allows me to hear both ends of it. "James, I love him, but I can't keep hurting Caylei! I know Caylei has her heart into the relationship, but she's not in love with him! I'm not in love with him either, but I love him! I'm in love with Harold! What do I do? I want to give Nickolas a second and final chance, but I don't know if I want to open myself to his pain again. What do I fucking do, James, what the fuck do I do?" she runs off, full blown crying and sounding like she's about to hyperventilate.
"Sam, believe me, I know. You've told me before. I can't tell you what to do because I don't even know. You know we're only about an hour's drive away from you. It's about to rain out toward the Compound," he tells her.
"Fuck the rain. The weather is mimicking my emotions, it'll feel good. I need Oshai or Justin or you!"
"What are you near?" he asks her, being cautious not to alert her that I'm listening in.
"Eas," she cries out softly, thunder crashing in the background.
Lance shakes Justin awake. I forgot to mention they're crashing at my house here in Orlando, in the living room specifically. "Five minutes, momma," Justin mumbles.
Lance leans over, shakes him again and tells him Jazzy needs him. "Compound, eas, now," he informs Justin the second his baby blue orbs meet Lance's medium jade ones.
"Rainstorm?" he asks.
"Soon, yes." Before I can have a true reaction, Justin's running around grabbing a blanket, sweatshirts and towels before darting out the door.
"Lance, she hasn't been herself since it happened. It makes me worry about her being on tour."
He runs his hand through his hair, having hung up his cell once Justin left ten minutes ago and a concerned look in his eyes. "I know, I've been worried since she started dating Nick. She's strong, but she might end up getting hurt and it kills me inside to see her deal with pain like that," he says, laying across my living room chair. "She can only be so strong for so long."
I look at him, confused. "Why do you say that?"
"I talked to her cousin and she can only deal with things like losing someone for so long before she snaps. It'll be awhile longer before she snaps and until then, she's going to keep all of us shut out. She should snap sometime around the holidays, I'm guessing."
Either he knows her more than he admits to or he is a great guesser. I have the same feeling, but I haven't told anyone. "Man, I just want this ridiculous shit to end!" I admit, pointing at my cell phone on the coffee table.
"Me, too, JC," he agrees, sighing.
"She won't talk to anyone but you and it makes me wonder what's going on."
"In her head, I have no clue. I do know she's introverted into her own mind and I don't like it. She's usually an open person, more of an extrovert."
~~~~~
"Jazz, I know it hurts, but you can't close us all off," Justin says, on the phone with her as he comes back in. He was gone for five hours, consoling her and eventually bringing her back to Fatima and Kevin. "Girl, you mean so much to all of us and I can't stress it enough. Ok, I will. Call or text if you want to talk at all about anything. Ok, bye." I watch him pull off his shirt and drop it in the laundry basket with a wet slap once it hit the bottom.
I don't know how he and Lance can get her to talk to them, but she won't even begin to talk to me anymore. "Dude, you're soaked!"
"I tried to get her back on her ATV and she wouldn't until the rain stopped. I'm going to grab a shower and lay down," he tells me, looking entirely exhausted
"Where was she? Is she ok? Did she say anything?"
"She felt betrayed by the Boys and Aaron. She was by the waterfall and she's fine. She didn't say much." He traipses up my stairs for a shower and I lay back on my couch, staring at the ceiling as I contemplate ways to make her snap sooner.
I start falling asleep again, only to be disturbed by my phone ringing. "Hello?" I sleepily answer, not bothering to check who it could be.
"Oshai, hey," she greets, prompting me to bolt upright and swing my legs over the front of the couch.
"Oshannie, are you ok?" I'm wondering why she's actually calling to talk and not texting.
She sniffles, signaling her emotional state and alerting me that she needs me to be supportive, not an overbearing asshole of a brother I can be at times. "Been better. I'm sorry I've been a bitch about talking on the phone lately," she admits, trying not to cry.
"Oshannie, it's ok. Are you alright?"
"I don't know..."
"Tell me what's on your mind, I'm a great listener," I say, smiling and I lay back again with my free hand under the back of my head.
"Well, there's being hurt over Ma, mad at Brandon, loving Nick, being in love with mo deo crush, college again in the fall, the tour, rehearsals and having you for a brother," she lists off, probably counting them or tallying them. I hear a sob escape her.
"What do you mean?" I ask, intrigued.
"Do you feel like company?"
"Why? Where are you?"
"I need my big brother, deartháir mór." I hear a car door open and close, her shoes slapping pavement quickly and she takes a deep breath. I hear a key slide into a lock and realize it's to my door once I hear the drum turn in my front door. I roll onto my stomach and watch my front door as she comes in, beelining for me. She closes her phone and drops it onto the rug, falling into my arms like Heather used to do when she needed me back when she was small. I let my cell hit the floor as I wrap her in my arms and console her, being the big brother she needs right now while fighting to keep from scolding her. Her head drops to my chest and she begins to bawl, unable to say another word.
"What happened?" I ask forty-five minutes later.
"I sent you the text and the six of them defended you, reminding me they love me. You're just being a typical older brother. I'm sorry for being such a..." she tries to explain, trailing off to think of the right words.
"Little sister," I offer.
"I guess."
"I have a surprise for Christmas this year and then for your birthday too," I admit, trying not to ruin it.
"The only thing that would make the year better would be Jason Frank, Austin St. John, or Johnny Yong Bosch," she mumbles, making a reference to the Power Rangers show actors and eliciting a chuckle from me.
"Tommy, Jason and Adam," I mutter.
"Yeah, preferably Jason Frank."
My cell phone rings with the Power Rangers theme song and I smile, answering it after quickly checking the ID. "Hey, man!"
"Hey, JC. It's Jason."
"I have her here, trying not to ruin it for her."
He laughs and her face lights up, recognizing the laugh. "Joshua! It's Jason David Frank! When did you start talking to him? Oh my God! It's Tommy Oliver!" she jumps up, hopping around and shrieking with excitement.
"Can I talk to Jazzy?" he asks, a light laugh coming from him.
"Let me put you on speaker because she might forget to keep a grip on my cell," I explain.
"Jazzy? It's Jason."
She stops moving and sits down, looking as love sick as I've ever seen over a celebrity crush. "I'm here. H-h-how have you been?"
"I've been good. I hear you're going through a tough time and could use a stronger support system."
"Yes, sure, of course," she agrees, twirling a strand of her chocolate colored hair around a finger. "One question."
"I'll answer it as best as I can."
"How did you meet Oshai?" she asks, narrowing her gaze at me.
"Who's Oshai?"
"Josh, JC, Joshua," she rambles on.
"Oh! I had taken my niece to their concert in San Diego and she had backstage passes. Lance was next to JC and they whispered back and forth for a few seconds. When my niece got to them, they asked if I was Jason Frank and played as Tommy Oliver. Once I confirmed it, I was requested to stay after the show and talk. We exchanged numbers and heard you've been a fan of mine since I played the evil green ranger," he justifies.
"More like I've had a crush on you since you first came onto the show," she corrects him.
He laughs heartily. "How old are you?"
"Seventeen. You're only 8 years, 7 months and three weeks apart."
"Ok, I can see being friends and hanging out, but nothing more. You're quick on your toes."
"Works for me, Jason. Could you be in LA or any of the Backstreet Boys' dates in Cali? October 18-23 is when we're in Cali. They play LA the 19th & 20th, then San Jose the 21st & 22nd."
"My girlfriend is a fan of theirs. I'll be at all four." He's silent for a moment. "How will you be there?"
"I'm one of the back up dancers on their Millennium tour."
"How did you get that?"
"Nick requested me." She's being bashful about it.
"Nick Carter Nick?"
"Yes, the one and only. My ex as well."
"You're THE 'Lynni'?!"
"Yeah, her," she says, her face scrunching up in disdain at the codename the Boys had given her to hide her true identity from the public. She loves the fans and appreciates each one, but has a problem with the paparazzi.
"You don't look like a teenager!"
"Thanks. I also don't care to remember that she's what I am in the public eye."
"You act so mature for your age."
"Thanks," she says, blushing beet red. "I guess it depends on who I talk to and hang out with," she quickly rationalizes.
"I suppose you're a cool person to hang out with."
"Hey, I have to go talk to a friend right now." She looks at me. "Give him my number and have him call or text me later." She grabs my cell, taking it off speaker and puts to her ear. "Definitely after ten. I look forward to it." She giggles, tossing her head back. "Yeah, later, JD." She hangs up, throws my cell at me and smiles.
"Which one?"
"Bounce," she demands.
"Upstairs, first door on the right."
She takes off up to the room to wake up Justin and I laugh to myself. Next thing I hear is her yelling for him to wake up because she has important news and doesn't how exhausted he is. "What could be so damn important?!" he finally snaps at her.
"I just talked to Jason David Frank!" A few seconds of dead silence and then she screams, "As in Tommy Oliver, the green, red and white Power Rangers!!!" before shrieking.
A smile comes across my face and I know I've made her day go from shit to unbelievably awesome. I've been talking to Jason for the past couple months and meeting the people who played the Power Rangers from 93-this season's actors and actresses is the surprise that will be spread over the next few holidays and her birthday. The first one is planned to happen for her birthday, 7 1/2 months from now.
~~~~~
June 1, 1999
She leaves today for Belgium with the Backstreet Boys and Aaron. She heard the single I had recorded with Blaque and loved how it came out, I trust her judgement because she's my biggest critic. "You know I'm going to miss you while you're on the road," she says, fighting back tears as I continue to bid her adieu while we wait for her flight to Ghent.
"I know and I'm going to check on you when I can, that includes popping in on you," I warn her.
She laughs, taking her glasses off to wipe a tear away. "I can't let you catch me in any compromising positions," she jokes.
She stuck by Lance's side when he got sick last month, kept me motivated to do what I feel is right, and never stops in believing in us or doubting us. She's been honest and an unrelenting force pushing us to keep going forward in our careers.
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