As far as I'm fucking concerned, JC and Nick can fucking rot in their own personal hell called their lives. I just barely got in at three this morning, got picked up by the five eleven, sunglass wearing, pierced confidant out of the Boys to attempt (failed miserably) to get more than an hour nap before heading to rehearsal with the crew. I left the US tour the guys are on because of JC being so, well, assholish about the retarded whore and defending her slutty ways. It's nothing against anyone but JC and his dumb bitch. "Ugh!"
"What's wrong, Jazz?"
"Alex, if I could forget the whole thing that happened a couple weeks ago, I'd do it."
"What's stopping you?" he asks, stealing a sideways glance at me at the red light on the way to rehearsal.
"The fact he defends her over me. He's such a dipshit."
"Fuck him."
"Everyone says that. Newsflash-he's my unofficial adopted older bro!" I yell, my hands flinging up toward the sky in frustration as I sink into the passenger seat further.
"It's what it's like for us too. I heard why you ran."
My head whips in his direction as it turns green and he presses his foot to the peddle. "How?"
"You can relax, Nick keeps a journal and I went snooping. I read what he did. He can be an ass sometimes."
"At least you understand," I grumble.
"He has the tendency to get lost in the moment and we didn't know he had dated Mandy before you, he hid it from us. You were so new to the whole dating thing and it was obvious to the four of us, only for the fact that you didn't know what to do, say, or when to do anything. I think we should try being better friends or dating," he says, again being cautious.
"What was that last word?"
"Dating?"
"Better friends I can see, dating I can't."
"Why not?"
"I'm not that crazy."
He feigns hurt. "Ouch. I don't mean really date, just tell Nick we are and act like it around him to see how he reacts for a month or two."
"What about Papa, Howie and B?"
"You can tell them tonight when we're prepping for the stuff for our BBQ soirée."
"You'll be right there, right?" He nods, confirming it. "Give me till seven to answer, I'll text yes or no to you."
"Sounds good to me, babe." One thing about AJ-he has always called me things like 'babe', 'hon', 'sweetie', etc out of habit because of being the only girl he's had to put up with other than 'Tima. He has even addressed her with the same affectionate terms.
We turn onto the street with the rehearsal hall, prompting a final yawn to leave my mouth and my hands to fly to my face to drag from my forehead to my chin, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands along the way. "He better have my Carmello," I mutter. "I'm here two months early," I say, folding my arms across the front of my body.
AJ chuckles, parking at the Compound. "We have to use either the ATVs or the golf cart."
"Which are faster?"
"ATVs." I nod, exit the car and hop on the ATV.
I weakly smile at him and take off toward Aaron's part of it. I stop to idle halfway there to answer a text from him. 'Just woke up. Meet me in the one we had the BBQ at last time you were over. Nick stayed here last night.'
Are you for real? Fine, Operation Piss Off Nick is in play. I text Aaron that I'll meet him at the specified building and then send the word 'yes' to AJ. I turn the throttle and haul ass to the building he indicated, getting there a good ten minutes before AJ. I hop off, pocket the keys and stride to the front of the building because I parked on the side opposite the building they normally sleep in. I get to the front and Aaron's standing there with a king size Carmello, an OJ, and open arms for a hug. He might have only hit eleven a couple months ago, but he knows me. "Aaron," I half cry, hugging him tight.
"It's ok, he'll sleep until we're almost done and then we can hide in the one he's in till he leaves. Mom is a couple buildings that way," he tells me, making sure to indicate which one. "Do you want to stay here at the Compound?"
"Can I?"
Johnny comes out of nowhere, answering my question. "Of course you can stay here for the next four months to focus on the routines," he informs me, gently smiling.
"Just keep Nick away from me. I don't want shit to do with him until the tour starts June 2nd in Ghent. Am I clear?"
"Very much."
"If someone fails, I'm not liable for my actions."
Gary comes around the corner and does his threatening pose. "He's going to keep you and Nick apart."
"Who's he protecting more than who?"
"You from Nick. I'll keep him from setting you off because I know the two of you well enough to know your mood indicators," Gary informs me.
"Just do the favor of keeping the oldest Carter away from me to keep me from repeating his bloody nose," I say a little too sweetly accidentally on purpose.
Gary and Johnny shake their heads. Soon after Johnny wheels around on his heels, he turns back around to face me again. "JC said he's sorry. I don't know why, but he asked me to pass on the message."
"Thanks, Johnny. If he were truly sorry, he'd call and say so. If he cares like he says, he wouldn't defend the stupid cunt and would leave her. Nope, he won't cuz he's blind, stupid, deaf and mute. She's a leech and he is too blinded by her infested vag! Fuck him! He can rot for how he treated me when I snapped, there's six of us who know what happened. It'd be seven but the bitchy slut doesn't count, so there's six of us that can tell you what happened after I snapped and half of us can tell you why I snapped. I just need time away from prissy ho bear and I'll be fine come January."
"Are you sure? What about Justin, Lance, Chris and Joey?"
"I'll still see them when I can, I just won't go out for JC's birthday or talk to his bitch ass or his pro."
"Just making sure." The three of them laugh for a minute.
"I'm being legit honest," I snap.
"I'm sorry for laughing," Aaron quickly apologizes. "It's just how you worded it, it sounded so funny." He has very sincere eyes, Nick on the other hand can falsify the emotions his eyes portray. I guess you can consider it an advantage of having blue eyes. I'm glad Aaron has brown eyes, not blue.
"We should get inside and rehearse, I don't want to be near him."
We head inside and begin perfecting the routine for 'Shake It'. "You missed a transition," Gary points out, knowing we did from watching so many of Aaron's rehearsals.
We've been at this one routine for the past three hours, we're breathing heavily and Aaron's wiping his face with his shirt while my hands rest on my hips. "Show us," I demand.
He goes over to the tv/VCR in the corner, puts in a tape marked 'Aaron's Rehearsal 1/13/99' and quickly finds the move we missed, repeatedly playing it so we can correct it. We watch the routine and rehearse it over and over again, referring back to the tape to make sure we have it right before moving on to the next song 'Crazy Little Party Girl'. We get through to the chorus the second time when I hear a sad tone coming from a particular voice I would rather not hear. "She always knew how to shake her ass and be the life of the party, I miss her."
"Nick, shut the fuck up," AJ warns, knowing I won't hesitate to make a repeat performance of the last time he spoke to me.
"You have a girl," Brian reminds him.
"So?" Nick snaps at him, outright ignoring AJ.
"We should go," Aaron suggests, yanking me toward the door as fast as he can and Gary pushing me.
I growl and we leave the building. "How can he be so calm? He has everything! Why is he so upset? How come he's so focused on me? Acey, I just wanna UGH!" I ramble.
He listens carefully, waiting for more than five seconds of silence before shrugging. "I don't know why he's acting like that, AJ and Brian might have an idea?"
Gary interjects his few cents on the path to Jane's building, "I understand your part, but that kid loves when you touch him in anyway possible."
I roll my eyes and sneer. "Punching is pointless, then." I spot Jane and run to her, into her open arms for almost a year's worth of tears. "Why?"
"Nick has his reasons and has so much on his plate."
I sniffle and mutter he's an asshole, still wrapped in her comforting embrace to talk to her. "I want to stay here at the Compound and Nick not to. He can do as he pleases when he wants, just keep him away from me."
"Of course we can figure it out," she agrees. "One thing to discuss and it's business, you might not want to hear it."
I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. "What might that be?"
"Nick spoke to Fatima, Johnny and myself about being one dancer short and he wants you to do it."
"I don't know."
"They're willing to pay you 1 1/2 times what you're being paid for Aaron's set and you'll be his partner."
"How long do I have to figure it out?" I don't really want to, but I could use the money for school.
"Five weeks, and that's going to leave about two and half months to figure it out."
"I'm going to need to sleep on it. What building would I stay in?"
"Aaron's, he has an extra room."
I text AJ to inform him of this and he sends me, 'I thought it could end like this, have it in my trunk and will drop it in the gathering rm in that building during break. Take it easy. Jane tell you about the issue? Just found out'
'Yeah, sleeping on it.'
'Five wks before we need your decision'
'I know'. Aaron and I stay with Jane for a few hours, have something to eat and hang out like before. "What's your take on his new one?"
"I like her, she's cool."
"That's good."
"I found this tape in Nick's things," he confesses, pulling an audio tape from his pant leg pocket to play it.
We sit next to each other on the arm of the couch as Nick's familiar voice comes through the speakers. "Jazz, I know we've been apart for around three months and I really do love you. I wrote this with your inspiration, thanks." He begins to play a song, singing as well,
"Oooh yah....
Open up your heart to me, and say what's on your mind, ohh
I know that we have been through so much pain.
But I still need you, in my life this time.
And I need you tonight, I need you right now.
I know deep within my heart, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or right.
I really need you tonight.
I figured out what to say to you, mmm.
So tired of the words, they, they come out so wrong -oh yes they do!
And I know in time that you will understand... that what we have is so right this time!
I need you tonight, I need you right now!
I know deep within my heart, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or right!
All those endless times we tried to make it last for ever more... and baby I know I neeeeeeeed you. oh oh yah
I know deep within my heart, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
I really need you....ohh!!
I need you tonight (I need you oh I need you baby)
I need you right now (it's gotta be this, it's gotta be this)
I know deep within my heart,(no..) it doesn't matter if it's wrong or if it's right
All I know is baby...I really need you...tonight.
Oooooooo...." I hear him put the guitar down, an acoustic I bet, before clearing his throat. "Now you know my dirty secret, but I doubt it shocks you-I still love you and I always will. I don't think you'll ever hear this, I'm not going to give it to you only due to my pride and to torture myself. If you do somehow listen to it, you either found it or someone else did and I'm sorry. I have so much on my mind and in my heart, but I'd rather keep it inside than to let anyone know. Took me three months to do this, I may have fucked up and I know you ran to James. I won't chase after you, I'm going to wait for you to come to me. I can't promise anything, I won't make you come to me and you KNOW my brother and sisters." He laughs, clearly nervous. I can imagine him running his hands through his mushroom cut hair and looking at his shoes or naked feet. "I'm waiting on you to call on me." I hear him breathing as he gets up and turns off the recorder, whispering something before it clicks to a stop. I get up and rewind it to figure out what he whispers at the end, receiving a shocking blow when I figure it out because of the heartbroken vow he makes. He knew I'd catch it.
"What?" Aaron questions.
"Nothing," I say, shaking my head. "Race ya to the kitchen for ice cream with junk on it!" I change the subject, deciding to write him later on.
~~~~~
I write him a letter with my pure emotions to him before AJ comes by with my clothes and fold it into a paper football with Nick's name on it in Aaron's writing. "Jazzy?" AJ calls into the house.
I run out of my room, almost forgetting the letter for Nick. "AJ!" I run into his brick wall body and he drops my bags at his side, hugging me.
"Sup, shortie?"
"Give this to him," I say, spitting the final word out with so much venom that he flinches instinctively.
"Nick." I nod to confirm it. "What's it about?"
"I'll tell you when the time's right."
He nods, understanding. I pass him the tape and he looks at it, looking at me again with confusion etched into his features. I shake my head, indicating that he listen to it as I glance at the note. "Ohhhhhh, let me know when you're ready to be face to face with him."
"I will, thanks."
He hugs me and heads out. I go back to my room and ring an all too familiar number, pacing the floor. "Hey, you," I'm greeted.
"I have a copy of this tape I'll send to you tomorrow and you have to hear it," I say monotonously, looking at the manilla envelope containing a letter and the tape.
"Just audio? Why?"
"Just promise me you will, brother."
He sighs heavily. "Sure, I will."
"Thanks, James."
"No problem, Sam. How are you otherwise?"
"Trying to avoid one person, but good. How are you, Justin, Joey and Chris?"
"We've been doing good. It's been less than a day since you left."
"I know, but I miss you guys."
"Even JC?"
"Except him."
"You're still upset about that?"
"He took the faking hootchie's side. He's supposed to be my brother, unofficial adopted brother."
"I know, but you don't hold grudges for unjustified reasons."
"She's a leech and is using him!" I flop back onto the bed.
"Anyway, we started recording for the album due out next year."
"Cool, got a small sample?"
"I sent an audio tape to you earlier today."
"Sweet! How many songs?"
"Two and JC says the second one is for you. It has the outtakes still in the first one."
"Do I have to guess the titles or are you telling me?" I smile, confident I'll have to figure them out.
"You have to guess. How's the work coming?"
"Work work or school work?"
"Both. You know me better than that," he teases.
"Work for the tour is coming slow, the Boys want me to replace the empty spot per his request. Schoolwork is three assignments shy of complete in each course."
"Sounds like you're in a pickle for tour."
"I have five weeks to decide."
"You'll take your time and weigh the pros and cons about it, writing all in Gaelic."
He knows me far too well. "Yeah, is Justin awake?"
"Nah, he's out like a light."
"Dammit." I fold my free arm under the back of my head. "I'm going to jump in the shower and unpack."
"Miss and love you."
I hear a playful slap. "Tell her I miss her too."
He chuckles. "Danielle says she misses you too."
"I miss the five you, Derek, Tiny and Lonnie."
"Talk tomorrow?"
"Definitely."
"Bye."
"Later." I smile and grab my things for a shower, grabbing my boom box and some music. I play my mix tape, 'Can't Have You' by LFO comes on first. I smile and call Devin.
"Hello?"
"Dev?"
"Yeah, who's this? How'd you get this number?"
"Remember Lance's friend, Jazzy?" I had changed my number for the third time in the past year last week
"What about her?" I giggle, he fell in love with my 'infectious giggle'. "How have you been?"
"Good. You busy for the next four months?"
"We have to record."
"Do it in 'Lando."
"You're in Florida?"
"Hell yes, back in the sunshine state."
"Let me find out if the other guys and our manager are cool with me seeing my homegirl, yeah?"
I smile excitedly. "Oh, yes, please, 'Rold."
"I like the nickname you gave me better."
"C'mon, Devvie."
I hear him walk to another room. "Rich, Brad."
"Yeah?" I hear Brad reply, knowing Rich is looking at Devin.
"You cool with going to Florida to hang with Jazzerz?"
"Jazzerz? Why not?" Brad says, a joyous tone coming from him.
"I'd love that," Rich tells him.
"That was easy," Devin says, laughing. "Let me call our manager, buzz you back, girl."
"For sure, honey."
"Been missing you."
"Miss you too." We hang up and I slide under the water to calm down and smile, realizing that some old jam comes on and a smile creeps across my face. I start singing along with the song playing after surfacing, the smile never faltering. I wash up and get out, quickly wrapping the towel around my body to answer my phone. "Hey, Devvie."
"The label and our manager are cool with it as long as tracks are laid down."
"How soon can you get here?"
"Tomorrow morning?"
"Works for me. What time?"
"Five twenty."
Someone knocks on the bathroom door. "Who are you talking to, sweetie?"
Jane, just the person I wanted to talk to. "Devvie. Uh, Jane, could you give me a lift to the airport to pick up my friends?"
"What time?"
"They land around twenty past five."
"Sure."
"Thanks."
"If I don't, Gary will."
"I can do it, Mrs. Carter."
I come out with one of the many jerseys I've acquired in the past two years, drying my hair with a towel. "Thanks, Gary," I say, still smiling.
"Who are we picking up?"
"My friends Devin, Rich and Brad."
"LFO?"
I nod. "That's them. James introed us when he visited Massachusetts a few years back, summer of 95."
"How did you meet?"
"James and I had gone to the mall in Fall River and ran into Brad, Brizz and Rich together. I ran into Devvie a little while later and been flirting for the past four years."
"Is that who the letter Nick found was for?"
"Is that why we had a fight about me supposedly being unfaithful?" I scowl, my hands landing on my hips.
"It said some things he took as you seeing someone else."
"As in?"
"How you're going to hug him and tackle him. You'll kiss and cuddle him."
"Kiss his cheek, the same way the Boys, Aaron and the guys usually get hugged and tackled when I see them after awhile, and cuddle him like I have James as soon as I know him that well. One, he should have asked me about it. Two, he was snooping in my things. And three, I would have explained it to him."
Gary smirks. "I figured as much."
I head for my room to finish my school work and it's peaceful until I put my things away, a familiar voice bartering with Gary and Aaron. "Bro, she said she doesn't want anything to do with you until June."
"All I want is that tape back," I hear him say, shifting his weight.
I glance at the stack of copies I made (3 left to be exact), grab the original and dart out of the room to face him, ensuring my tough front is up. "You mean this?" I ask, tossing it to him.
"Yeah! How'd you get this?"
"Doesn't matter. I'm going to be out front with this-stay away from me and my friends until we get on that plane for Ghent. Capeche?"
"Whatever."
"Do you fucking get it?"
"Yeah, I get it." I watch him walk away and fall back on the moon chair (the two piece chair that has a cup shaped seat) and sigh.
I glance at Aaron. "You fooled him."
"Good. My friends Devin, Rich and Brad will be here tomorrow," I inform Aaron.
"Ok, that's cool."
I laugh lightly. "Feel up to playing a game of Skip-Bo?"
He smiles. "Sure."
I get up and ruffle his hair as I pass him. "Thanks for snooping in his junk."
"He took something of mine, so I took the tape," he confesses his little brother deed.
I shake my head and get the game set up. We play as we talk about the upcoming tour.
Author's Chapter Notes:
New characters, LFO, are going to be in and out of the next few chapters. Jazzy found out about Devin being chosen for Rich and Brad's group that Brizz used to be in and calls Devin. News, news and history.
Feel free to leave love.
Feel free to leave love.
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