When Rebecca woke, she saw Levi sitting up on his bed. His legs were up and his arms hung over the top of them. He was naked and the sheet covered him, just barely. “Um… Levi your… um…” Rebecca blushed and looked away. Levi didn’t move.

“Don’t worry. I’m apparently gay so why should it matter?” He climbed from the bed and Rebecca saw everything. He bent over and Rebecca shielded herself. A knock on the door and Lance enters, gasping. “Oh shut up. Your bi, so enjoy it.” His voice was venomous. Lance sighed and Levi pulled on a shirt. Rebecca was shaking.

“Rebecca, Levi is like this. His parents sent him here because they believe his sexual feelings towards men is an illness.”

“It is! And I can’t stop it!” Levi pulled on jeans and glares at Lance. “And you think its okay.”

“Levi, you’ve tried to kill yourself because you wanted to have sex with Brian.” Rebecca looks out from under the sheet. Levi stares at the floor.

“And I still do. You think hanging myself might do it this time?” Lance grabs his arm and stares him straight in the face.

“Being gay isn’t an illness; it’s a choice.”

“Then why can’t I just say ‘no’?”

“Because you’ve been raised to say no, but deep down you say yes. Your in denial.”

“I am not! I am sick and killing myself you make it all better.” Lance shoves Levi down onto his bed. He takes a deep breath and looks at Rebecca.

“Come with me Rebecca. It is best we leave Levi alone for a while.” He holds out his hand. Rebecca looks at it, and sighs. She reaches out slowly, and Lance pulls her to her feet and they leave the room. Levi stares at the floor. His doctor was Brian, and he’s been in love with him ever since he met him a few months earlier. He was scared he would go to hell if he accepted it and told Brian he loved him. That’s what his parents and everyone in his home town said. Levi didn’t want damnation and prayed every night but never got an answer. Every week when he saw Brian for a check-up, he got hot and wanted to jump him. He once kissed him and Brian kissed him back. That was when he locked himself in the bathroom and cut himself with a razor he discovered in the toilet tank. Sadly, Lance came in and found blood coming from the stall he was in and was able to stop it in time. Lance always had an eye on him ever since and Brian abruptly said he didn’t want to be his doctor any more. Lance became it and Levi has been planning another shot at killing himself but with no dice since Lance wants him in to see him every other day. His ‘friends’ have had an eye on him too, and now he was sharing a room with a chick that was nuttier than him. Levi wanted to go to heaven, that’s all.

“Doesn’t your church believe that suicide is a bad thing?”

“Its better than being gay. God has put me into this situation because I did something wrong and I can’t face it.”

“Yes you can. I can’t make you change your beliefs, but wanting to cut your life short isn’t want God wants you to do. Don’t you think that maybe God made you this way for a reason?”

“To punish me.”

“No, I mean because this is who you are. If your parents really loved you, I think they would tell you the same. God is loving, is he not?”

“He is.”

“You’ve done nothing bad, to my knowledge, to deserve this. You’re a great person Levi.”

“Levi?” He looks up. Brian is leaning against the doorframe, in civilian clothes. Levi tried hard not to give in.

“What do you want?” Levi said quietly, looking at the ground.

“Heard from Lance you had another mood thing going on this morning.”

“Maybe.” Brian sits next to him and puts his hand on his shoulder. He flinches.

“Something the matter?” Oh yeah something’s wrong, Levi thinks, your touching me and I’m getting a hard on. AND your acting cool about it like nothing is wrong.

“I’m fine.” Levi spits it out and Brian runs his hand down Levi’s back, running it up and down soothingly. Levi tries to calm himself down.

“Well, I think a long walk with me might help. You can talk about it to me.”

“I thought you didn’t want to be my doctor?” Brian looks out the door, nodding.

“That’s true. But I did that for a good reason. I think maybe you can talk to me better if we didn’t have that type of… relationship. Ya know?” Brain’s hand turned to his fingertips and Levi shudders. Brian smiles at him and Levi looks up. Is he trying to seduce me? Or am I overreacting? He did kiss me back, but I can’t do this. Can I?

“Are you trying to seduce me?” Brian takes his hand off his back. “Because if you are its working and I don’t want that.”

“You do want it, I can tell. I’m trying to get you to see that these feelings you are having are okay. God won’t damn you for it.”

“So you want me to get a hard on from a simple touch?” Brian looks back at the door. He starts to think maybe he shouldn’t be doing this. He likes Levi, more than he should.

“Levi, be rational here. We-” Suddenly Brian finds himself pushed to the bed with Levi straddling him.

“I can’t be doing this but I want it so much. Its like the devil is inside me.”

“Its not the devil; its you. You’ve suppressed your feelings for far too long.” Levi kissed Brian hard and Brian gaps when Levi shoves his tongue into his mouth.

“I can’t do this.” Levi climbs off of Brian and runs out the door, crashing into several people to get away. Brian chases after him; scared he might try to kill himself again.

“Levi, come back here!” Levi tried to find a security guard, anyone with a gun. “Let us talk!” Levi turns a corner and crashes into a few nurses. A security guard sees him and gets ready to catch him. He didn’t expect him to punch him in the face and take him down, grabbing his gun. “LEVI!” Lance and Rebecca come out of the cafeteria with the other boys she met yesterday. Levi pulls the safety and points it at his head in tears.

“Levi, you are making a mistake here. Put down the gun,” Lance walks up to him followed by Kevin and Brian. “And we can settle this.”

“No.” Levi puts his finger on the trigger. “Its too late. I can’t take all this anymore.” He starts to weep. “I want it to be better and… and…”

“Levi, please don’t do this.” Brain was scared he would lose Levi. He cared for him so much and knew that killing himself was not going to solve anything.

“There is nothing left for me. Tell my parents I love them k?”

“No!” Levi pulls the trigger and Rebecca screams. He falls to the ground, head covered in his blood. His eyes are wide and staring at her and she falls to the ground crying. She just saw someone kill himself. “God no!” Brian turns him over and tries to revive him. It was no use. Brain was in tears, putting his face into Levi’s chest. Lance stared down at them and everyone watched and listened to Brian’s hysterical sobs. Howie pulls him up and he stares down at Levi’s bloody body. “God, Levi…”

*

“I can’t believe he finally did it.” All of Levi’s friends were sitting around in a circle with Kevin, talking about the event. “He finally did it.” Howie rubs his eyes.

“Its okay to cry guys. That’s the point of this whole meeting is to get everything out.” Howie breaks down and Joey holds him. Jc sniffles.

“He was the best damn guy I ever met. I thought he would pull through this?”

“Don’t blame yourself.” Kevin pats his shoulder.

“I blame his parents.”

“Don’t blame them. Levi was in much confusion. His parents didn’t help any, nor did his church but it isn’t there fault.”

“Its in God’s hands now.” Joey has tears running down his face as well.

*

“LEVI!” She sobs hard. “Levi how could you? Being gay is alright!” Her father shakes his head.

“He was sick. He’ll be in hell, where he belongs.”

“How could you say that?” She screams at him. He hits her across the face and she falls to the ground. Her mother watches.

“He is not your brother anymore Jordyn, and he never was.” She looks up at her mother in horror. “He was the work of the devil, and God…”

“He is with God!” She stops crying and her voice is calm but angry. “God doesn’t make people gay or punish them like that.” She stands and walks towards her father and mother. Her father steps up to her and grabs her arms and violently shakes her. “Let me go!”

“Listen to me Jordyn Glenn. Your brother is in hell and God punished him for having those horrible feelings. I would have killed him myself if it wasn’t for the law.”

“You dick!” She shoves against her father who stumbles back and her mother catches him. “How dare you say that about your only son!”

“He isn’t my son!” He screams and charges towards her. She steps back and grabs the lamp, swinging it and swearing at her father. He falls to the ground bleeding and her mother screams.

“Honey!” She rushes to her side. “You aren’t my daughter any more…” She hisses at her.

“I never was.” She throws the lamps at her mother and runs upstairs. She packs her bag full of clothes and runs down the stairs. Her father and mother are both bleeding and she hears sirens. She killed them, and she can’t stand it. She sits down on the stairs and sobs for her brother. When the police arrive, because the neighbors obviously heard something, they rush in and check her parents. Dead.

“Did you have anything to do with this?” She is red from anger and is sobbing hard.

“They… they said he isn’t their son and he is in hell.” She wipes her eyes. “He comes at me and I grab the lamp. My mother says I ain’t her daughter, and I throw it at her.” She takes a gasping breath. “I run up the stairs and was going to run… but my brother…” She breaks down sobbing and hits her hands against the wall. “He killed himself… because he was gay.” She breaks down and the police pull her to her feet.

“You are going to have to take you in.” She doesn’t struggle.

“They are going to hell for what they did, and my brother is in heaven. Not the other way around.” She is pushed into the back of a police vehicle and she is red with tears, glaring out the widow watching as she is taken away and the ambulance pulls in. “They will rot in hell!”