Chapter 27

Justin stared at her, mentally going over the words she had just spoken.  She was moving out into her own apartment?  He was positive that was what she had just said, but at the same time he thought it couldn’t possibly be true.

“Your own apartment?” he questioned.

Kerrigan looked down at her hands, which were folded on the table.  “Yeah, J.  I got my own place.  And I’m actually supposed to move into it this weekend.”

“Hold up.  Rewind.  You got your own apartment?” he asked again.  He was really stuck on that one.

“Yeah.  It’s only about ten minutes from the house.  And it’s really nice.  It’s a two bedroom, two baths.  Really roomy.  I love it.” Kerrigan smiled.

“When did you go looking for an apartment?  When did you decide on moving out?  And the better question, why didn’t you tell me?” he stared at her.

“I’m sorry, J.  I know I should have brought it up and told you about it, but we’ve both been so busy lately.  And it just, well it never came up.  And I knew that if I told you, you’d try to talk me out of it.  And I didn’t want that to happen.  I really need my own place.”

“Why?”

Kerrigan sighed, looking off around the room.  Anywhere but at Justin.  She could just feel his pleading, questioning eyes on her.  This is why she hadn’t brought it up.  She knew this was going to happen.

“Because J, I just do.  I’m a grown woman, and I live in a house with two guys.  And I just want to fend for myself.  I feel like such a moocher living with you and not paying any rent or anything.  It’s time I grew up and started handling my business.”

“If you want to pay rent, I’ll accept it.  You don’t have to move out.”

“You wouldn’t accept it and you know it.  Besides, that’s not what this is all about.  I just need my own place.  My own space.”

“I don’t understand this.  Why do you want to rent an apartment and throw your savings away on something like that when you can stay with me for free?  Why all the sudden do you need your own space?  Everything’s been fine all this time. Why now all of the sudden?” he questioned.

Kerrigan knew right off where the conversation was going already.  Yet, another reason why she hadn’t brought it up.  “Justin, the house is fine.  I love being there with you and Trace, but I’m twenty one years old.  I have the money to have my own place and there’s no reason for me to live with you guys for free.  Not when I can pay for my own place.  Besides, not that you guys are nosey or anything, but I need privacy.”

“Privacy?”

“Yeah, privacy.  My own space.  I just need my own place, J.  I don’t know how to explain it to you so you’ll understand.  But I just want my own place.  I’m tried of living off of you and I want my own place that I can decorate and do whatever I want to with.”

“You can decorate the house.  You know I don’t care.  Hell, you’d probably do a better job of decorating it than me or Trace could.”

“But I can’t run around naked if I want.” she objected.

Justin stared at her, a smile slowly creeping across his face.  “Yeah, you can.  Me and Trace wouldn’t mind I’m sure.” he teased.

Kerrigan rolled her eyes.  “I’m being serious, J.  I’m not a little girl anymore.  And I’m grown.  I need my own place.  Please don’t argue with me about it.  This is what I want, and it’s already done.”

Justin sighed and looked up to meet her eyes.  “Well, I mean if this is what you want.  If it’ll make you happy, then I guess I can’t really argue with it.  I just want ya to be happy, Kerr.”

Kerrigan smiled at him, he was such a good friend.  “Thanks, J.  That means a lot.  I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.  It’s just I knew you’d try to talk me out of it, and you’re really good at doing that so I didn’t tell you.  I really wanted my own place so me and Cody went and started looking a couple weeks ago.”

“Cody?” Justin questioned.  He’d known from the moment Kerrigan had told him his name was written all over it.  He had no doubts that Cody had put this idea in Kerrigan’s head.  She never had a problem with living with him before.  This was all Cody’s doing.

“Yes, Cody.  You know my boyfriend.  He went with me and helped me look at places.  Made sure no one tried to screw me over.”

“You make it sound like you were car shopping.”

Kerrigan groaned.  She should have never even brought Cody up.  She was inwardly kicking herself in the ass.  “Whatever.  It doesn’t matter.  He went with me.  I found a place I really like.  Filled out the application and got accepted last week.  I picked my keys up yesterday, and I planned to start moving my stuff in this weekend.”

Just shook his head, disbelievingly.  He couldn’t believe she had done all of that without him.  Without even telling him.  But what really was bothering him was the fact that she was moving out.  She was actually going to move out.  He hardly seen her at all now, how was he ever going to see her after she moved out?

When Justin didn’t say anything Kerrigan felt even worse.  She knew he was going to take the news badly.  But just seeing the expression on his face broke her heart.  “J, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.  I know your upset about that, but you have to understand that I didn’t tell you for a reason.  I knew you’d talk me out of it, and like I said I really want this.”

“If you really wanted this, then I wouldn’t be able to talk you out of it Kerrigan.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she questioned.

“It means that this wasn’t your idea and you know it.  This is undoubtedly something Cody suggested and you’re just following through with it.  But whatever, it doesn’t matter.  The damage is done now.”

Kerrigan glared at him.  “Justin, I do have a mind of my own. I am capable of thinking up ideas on my own.  I don’t need  people to plant them in my head.  I know that’s what you’re thinking.  But I really do want this.  So don’t turn this around and make it about Cody.  I know you two don’t particularly care for each other, but you need to get over that.  You’re my Best Friend and he’s my boyfriend.  Ya’ll need to except that.”

Justin didn’t say anything, as the waiter had suddenly appeared with their food.  He took that moment to allow his mind to reel over everything that had just been laid out in front of him.  He wasn’t stupid.  He knew that Cody had something to do with this whole thing.  But he also knew that Kerrigan would never admit that.  She was just as stubborn as he was at times and there really was no sense in arguing about it.  Especially when they were supposed to be celebrating.

Justin gave in, deciding to just cherish the time he was fortunate enough to have with her at the moment.  “You’re right, Kerr.  I’m sorry.  It’s just you caught me off guard.  But whatever you want to do.  Again I just want you to be happy.  That’s all.”

“Thanks, J.  I appreciate it.  I know you’re not happy about this and you don’t completely understand my reasoning, but it’s for the best, you’ll see.”

“I’m sure I will.” he muttered, as he took a large bite of the steak he had just chopped up.

Kerrigan gave him her best smile.  “You know I love you for letting me do this.”

“Letting you do this?  I can’t stop you.  You said yourself that you’re grown.  I can’t tell you what to do.” he stated, taking another bite of his steak.

“Maybe not in that sense, J.  But the fact that you’re only concerned about my happiness just reaffirms how great of a friend you are to me.  And how lucky I am to have you in my life.”

Justin locked eyes with her. “Well, I’m pretty lucky to have you in my life too.  I’ve always thought so.”

“Then I guess we’re both lucky people.” Kerrigan smiled.

“I guess so.” Justin smiled back.

The two sat there quietly for a few minutes, eating their meals.  Kerrigan internally going over her decision in her head.  Wondering if she had made the right decision.  While Justin sat there hoping the same thing.  Hoping that she wasn’t making a stupid mistake.

At least while she was living with him he could make sure that she was safe.  He didn’t particularly like the idea of her having her own place and staying there all alone.  But then the more he thought about it, the more he realized she probably wouldn’t be alone on most nights.  And that thought caused him to nearly lose his appetite.

He still couldn’t deal with the thought that Kerrigan and Cody were being intimate.  Just watching them hug and kiss on each other was enough to churn his stomach, but to allow his thoughts to elaborate further on what all that hugging and kissing turned into when no one else was around caused him to want to empty his stomach’s contents completely.  He didn’t like the idea of Cody touching her.  Making love to her.

Justin tried to tell himself it was because he didn’t like Cody.  That it was because he had a bad feeling about the guy and knew that eventually he was really going to hurt Kerrigan.  But another part of him knew that it was so much more than that.  A part of him that he couldn’t allow to surface.  A part that he was not quite willing to admit to yet.

Shifting in his seat uncomfortably from the thoughts racing through his head, Justin decided to bring up another topic.  Something that they needed to discuss.  Not only because it would help take his mind off of his present thoughts.  But because it was rather important.

“So are you just going to come over to Virginia with me once you get moved?” he asked.

Kerrigan looked up at him.  She quickly finished chewing her food and swallowed it before she spoke.  “Um, well actually.  I can’t do that either.  Cody’s leaving in a month to go out on a short tour gig for a few weeks.  I wanted to spent the next couple of weeks with him before he goes on the road.  I can come over after he leaves though.”

“So you’re not going to go to Virginia with me?”  he asked disappointedly.

“Well, not right away.  Like I said I can come over after he leaves, but he’s going to be gone for a few weeks and I won't get to see him during that time so I want to spend the next few weeks with him.  Plus, I gotta get moved into my place and settled.”

Justin nodded his understanding, but didn’t say anything.  This whole thing really was going down a road he hadn’t expected, but he seemed powerless to do anything about it.  He was just along for the ride.

Kerrigan noticed his somber behavior and reached her hand across the table to grab his.  When Justin looked up and met her eyes she smiled at him.  “Don’t think for a minute that I’m not going to be there to support you.  I’ll always be there, J.  But so much of my life over the past few years has revolved around you and focused on you.  Right now I just really need to focus on myself.  Anything that you need help with, Trace can do.  And it’s only a couple weeks, then I’ll be there to help you all you need.  I’ll be your personal cheerleader if need be.”

“Will you wear one of those cute little skimpy cheerleading outfits?” he asked.

Kerrigan grinned at his words.  She hadn’t really thought about it until that moment but it seemed that Justin was making more feminine geared comments towards her lately.  Things he’d never said before.  Like running around the house naked and not minding.  And now asking her to wear a skimpy little cheerleading outfit, but she figured he was just teasing her.  Trying to lighten the mood.

“If that’s what it takes, yeah I will.”

An evil smirk appeared on Justin’s face.  “And will you do some cheer routines for me?  You know the Ra Ra Justin rules kinda stuff, while jumping around and doing the splits and all that?”

Kerrigan’s eyebrow raised.  “I’m not a cheerleader, J.”

“But you said you’d be my personal cheerleader.  I gotta make sure you’re qualified for the job.”

“You just want to embarrass me.  I think you really would make me wear something like that around the studio, just to amuse yourself.”

“What’s amusing about you in a cheerleading costume?” he questioned.

“Oh, I’m sure you and Trace would find some way to make it amusing.  And let’s not forget Pharrell and Chad.  There would four against one and I’m not sure those numbers are quite fair.”

“Nobody said life was fair!” Justin pointed out.

“Yeah, I know.  Especially, when the name Justin Timberlake is any way involved.”