Chapter 59

After they had returned to the house, the first thing Kerrigan had decided to do was to take a shower.  Of course that required Becca’s help and was extremely embarrassing for Kerrigan, but she really hadn’t had much of a choice.

Because of her ribs it was extremely hard for her to do any bending or to lift her arms above her head.  She hadn’t been permitted any pain killers while she was incarcerated, which meant she had been in sever pain since the pain medication they had given her at the hospital had worn off the night before.

While Becca was assisting Kerrigan with her shower, Trace and Justin had run out to get Kerrigan’s prescriptions filled.  She needed her pain medication and that just couldn’t wait any longer.

Once the guys had returned, Kerrigan had taken the prescribed dosage and settled into the sofa, waiting on the drugs to kick in.  She had never been through something so horrible in her life.  She hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep the night before, due to the pain, and her body and mind were completely exhausted.

Once the pain medication had kicked in, Kerrigan ended up napping on the sofa in the living room for the majority of the day.  While everyone else sat around watching TV, preparing something to eat, or busying themselves with some other task.

As the evening drew near, they were discussing where Kerrigan would sleep.  There was no way she could sleep in her old room.  Justin was going to have to have someone come in and rip up all the carpet and lay new carpet down because of the blood stains.

Besides he was pretty positive she wouldn’t want to sleep in that room anymore anyways.  It held too many horrible memories for her.  Hell, he didn’t even want to go in the room, so he couldn’t even begin to imagine what her apprehensions about the room would be like.

It was finally decided that she would just take one of the other bedrooms.  It really wasn’t a hard decision since the house was so huge, but it had bothered Justin because the other bedrooms were at the other end of the house and he didn’t particularly like the idea of her being all the way down there.  He wanted her close so he could keep an eye on her, but Kerrigan had assured him that it wasn’t necessary.  If she needed him or Trace she would just yell for them.

Becca had also decided to stay the night, that way if Kerrigan needed her for anything she would be there.  It would be a few days until most of the soreness would wear off and she could begin to do things on her own such as dressing herself and bathing herself.  And there was no way Kerrigan was going to ask Justin and Trace to help her with that.  Even though they’d helped her that time before, that had been enough. It was humiliating and she preferred to have Becca help her.  Although, still somewhat humiliating, at least she was a female.

When they had all finally decided to head upstairs to bed later that evening, Justin had helped Kerrigan up the stairs and down the hall to the room she would be staying in.

He helped her into bed and tucked her in since she was already dressed in what she would refer to as sleepwear.  A tank top and a pair of Justin’s boxers.  Becca had helped her get dressed in that after her shower.

A part of Justin had wished she would have chosen something a little more….covering.  Not because he minded her running around in that particular clothing choice, he was used to that, she had slept in a tank top and boxers for as long as he could remember.  But it was more to the fact that he could see her injuries so easily.  She was literally bruised from head to toe.

Her arms were covered in dark purpled bruises.  Her legs were covered in them as well.  And looking at the bruises that covered her frail body broke Justin’s heart.  It was the second time he had seen her so battered.  After he had sworn he would never let it happen again, it had.  And this time it was far worse.

But he didn’t say anything to her about it.  She seemed to be doing ok, although a little loopy from her pain killers, she was still in fairly good spirits, and he didn’t want to say anything to bring her down.

After Justin had tucked her into bed and turned the lights off, he exited the room and headed down the long hall to his own room, telling Trace and Becca goodnight as he passed them in the hall.

Back in the other bedroom, Kerrigan laid in bed for what seemed like forever before she finally drifted back off to sleep.

Being upstairs and walking down the hallway had caused flashbacks of the night before when Cody had dragged her down the hall to her room.  Flashbacks of the pleading she had done for him to just let her go.  Of how he had beat her.  Of Justin showing up as if he was her knight in shining armor.  And then of Cody’s unfortunate demise.

She kept reliving the events over and over in her heard.  Praying to God, to make them stop and go away.  She didn’t want to think about it.  She didn’t want to remember it.  She just wanted to forget.

She didn’t want to feel bad that Cody had been killed.  Not after everything he had done to her.  Everything he had put her through.  But a portion of her did feel bad.  She hadn’t wanted him to die.  She had just wanted him to go away and leave her alone.

Well now he really had gone away and he would never be able to hurt her or any of her friends again.  And as relieved as she was about that, she still felt bad.

Finally though, after what seemed like hours of endless thoughts, her prayer was answered and she drifted off in to a restless sleep.
 

Justin was almost asleep when he heard the door to his room open quietly and then close.  He shifted in his bed, opening his eyes to see who had entered his room.  He sat up quickly when he saw Kerrigan’s silhouette making her way towards him in the dark.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, as she approached the side of the bed.

“I had a bad dream and couldn’t go back to sleep.” she said, fidgeting with the hem of her tank top.

Justin immediately pulled the sheets back on his bed, motioning for her to join him.  “C’mere.”

Kerrigan climbed in the bed next to him, Justin pulling the sheets back over their bodies once she was situated on her side.  “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.  I just didn’t want to be alone.”

Justin nodded, reaching out to tuck a wisp of hair behind her ear.  “Well, I’m here.  You don’t have to be alone.”

“Thank you, Justin.” she whispered.

“For what, Kerr?  I should be thanking you.”

“Just for being my friend.  For caring.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that, Kerrigan.  I know you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat.  Hello, look at what you’re doing now.  I love you and you’re my friend.  There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for you.  All you ever have to do is ask.”  he said honestly, looking into her eyes through the darkness of the room.

“I love you too, J.” she replied hoarsely.

Justin gave her a sincere smile, his heart pounding in his chest.  She meant more to him than anything in the world, and just seeing her, laying there looking so helpless and broke only made him love her more.

She had been through so much and she had survived it all.  So far.  He was worried about what this whole trial and everything was going to do to her, but he had sworn to himself that he was going to stand by her 110%.  He was going to be the rock he knew she needed him to be.

“Justin….” she sighed.  “Could you…”

“Could I what?” He asked when she didn’t finish.

“Could you hold me please?”

“Of course.“ Justin said, motioning for her to come closer.

Kerrigan scooted closer to him, flipping over to her other side so that her back was to him.  She just needed to be held so she could feel safe.  Justin made her feel safe.  She knew that Cody was gone and he couldn’t hurt her anymore, but the fear still lingered in her mind.  Except when she was with Justin.  When she was with him, it all just disappeared.

Once Kerrigan was situated, Justin scooted closer, wrapping his arm over her side to pull her tightly against him.  He was more than happy to hold her.  Not just for her sake, but for his own.

After everything they had been through in the last two days he just wanted to keep her as close to him as possible.  So close in fact that he hadn’t realized he was squeezing her to him quite as tightly as he actually was.  That was until of course he heard Kerrigan cry out in pain.

Justin immediately jerked back.  “What’s wrong?  Did I hurt you?” he asked frantically.

Kerrigan looked back at him over her shoulder, a tear slowly sliding down her cheek.  “You was just holding me a little too tight.  My back and ribs are still really sore.”

“Shit.” he cursed, he had totally forgotten her injuries.  “I’m sorry, Kerr. I forgot.  I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, Justin.  I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”

Justin laid their quietly for a moment, unsure of whether he should attempt to hold her again.  He didn’t want to hurt her.  That was the last thing he wanted to do.

And at the same time his curiosity was getting the best of him.  He could see all of her other injuries.  Her black eyes, busted lip.  The bruising that so blatantly covered her from head to toe, but he hadn’t seen her back.  And now that she was laying there before him, her back staring him in the face, he couldn’t help but wonder.  He felt like he needed to see the wounds.  So he could reassure himself once again that what he had done to Cody was truly justified.

He knew the guy deserved the worst, but he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty.  His conscious wouldn’t let him get away with taking someone’s life and not feeling the least bit guilty about it.

“Kerr….” he spoke softly, hoping to get her attention.  He wasn’t sure how she would react to such a request, or even if he should ask.  But he needed to see it.

“Yeah?”

“Can I see your back?  I mean, I don’t know.  I just….need to see it.”

Kerrigan turned over to look at him.  She could see the questions in his eyes.  She could see the guilt.  “Yeah, sure.” she said, rolling over to her stomach very carefully, as to not put too much pressure on her ribs.  She had learned that trick from the previous incident.

Laying there before him, Justin stared at her back.  Her tank top still covering the wounds he knew were there.  It took him a moment to gather the courage to actually look, but once he had found it, he slowly and as carefully as possible pulled her tank top up in the back so he could get a look at it.

It was too dark in the room and he couldn’t really see anything so he leaned over and switched the lamp beside his bed on.

Turning his attention back to Kerrigan, his eyes traveled over the length of her back.  Taking in every cut and every stitch that held them closed.  There were so many, she would surely have severe scaring.

Just thinking about the pain she must have been in and still was in.  Thinking about all the bruises and marks that covered her body.  The anger grew within him once again and he knew he had done the right thing.

“You know, I never thought I’d say this but, even though a part of me feels guilty, I’m glad I killed him.  After everything he did to you, I’m glad I killed him.” Justin choked out through his tears.

Kerrigan turned over slowly and looked up at him.  She could see the guilt that laid in his eyes, but ever more present was the anger.  Anger she knew was because someone had hurt her, and it warmed her heart.  It seemed stupid to her that she felt that way, but she did.  Because it reassured her that Justin did love her, that he did care.

Setting up she pulled Justin into a hug.  “It’s ok, J.  He’s gone now, he can’t hurt me anymore.”

Justin returned her embrace.  “I know, but he’s already hurt you so much and I wish I could have done more to prevent it.  If I just would have followed you home last night, maybe….”

Kerrigan cut him off.  “Justin, don’t start that.  Everything happens for a reason and there’s nothing you could have done.  It’s over now, so don’t make yourself feel guilty about something you had no control over.”

“I know, but…”

“Justin, stop.  Let’s just go to sleep, ok?”

Sighing he relented.  “Ok.”

“Thank you.” Kerrigan gave him a small smile, leaning in she kissed him on his cheek.  “Turn the light off.” she said, before laying back in the bed, shifting back over to her side once again.

Justin switched the light off, then scooted back down in the bed.  He stared at Kerrigan’s back for a moment unsure of what he should do.  “Kerr?”

“Uh huh?”

“Do you still want me to hold you?”

“Yes, please.  Just not so tight.” she chuckled slightly.  He had been holding on for dear life before, seriously causing both her back and ribs to hurt.  But there was no way she would tell him that, she didn’t want him to feel any worse than he already did.  He had meant well, and she knew it.

“Ok.” Justin smiled slightly at the sound of her laughter.

He scooted up behind her, wrapping his arm gently over her side, resting his hand on her stomach.  Burring his face in her hair.  It smelled like strawberries from her shampoo.  A smell he could relate to her from years back and it comforted him.  The vivid smell was a sign that she was really there with him and not just a figment of his imagination.

Taking one last deep breath through his nose, allowing the scent to consume him, Justin kissed the back of her head.  “Love you, Kerr.  Goodnight.” he whispered into her hair.

Kerrigan closed her eyes, taking in the security she felt from having him near, before whispering back,  “Love you too, J.  Goodnight.”