Chapter 62

Authors’ note:The song in this chapter is by Justin Guarini, but for story purposes let’s “pretend” Justin Timberlake really wrote this! *wink*
 

Christmas had come and gone with the blink of an eye.

After getting special permission from the courts, Justin, Trace and Kerrigan had flown home to Tennessee to be with their families for the Christmas Holiday.  It had been nice for all of them to be back home and with their families.

Kerrigan and Justin’s family had shared Christmas day together, as the Wallace’s didn’t have any other children and both of Kerrigan’s parent’s Mother and Father’s were dead.  So it had been like every other year before.  Christmas at the Harless’ home.

It seemed strange that for the few days that they were there, not one person had brought up Kerrigan’s pending trial.  It seemed that everyone was avoiding the subject, but that was quite alright with Kerrigan.  She didn’t want to think about it anymore than she had to.  And she certainly didn’t want to talk about it with her parents.  She just wanted to forget for the time being that it was even happening and pretend that everything that was going on and that had happened over the last few months had never really happened at all.

But now they were back in California, New Years only a couple days away and her Trial only a couple weeks away.  So now it was time to get back to her reality.

They had several meetings with Johnny over the next couple of weeks to prepare Kerrigan, Justin and Trace for what was going to take place at the trial.  So now she had to actually acknowledge that it was all true and really happening.  That she could possibly go to prison.

“You heading to bed already?” Trace asked, snapping Kerrigan from her thoughts as she headed for her room.  She hadn’t realized anyone else was in the hallway.

“Oh, yeah.  I’m really tired from the flight and I just wanna go to sleep.”

“Yeah, I’ll probably turn in before long too.  That time change always throws me for a loop.”

Kerrigan smiled at him.  “I know what you mean.  I’ll see you in the morning.  Tell J I said goodnight.”

“Will do.” Trace waved as he headed off down the hall.  “G’night, Kerr.” he called over his shoulder.

“Night Trace.” she called back before disappearing into her room.

Trace headed back downstairs to the living room where Justin was sprawled out on one of the sofas watching TV.  Flopping down on the opposite sofa, he looked at the TV and then to Justin.  “What are you watching?”

“Cops.  There isn’t anything else on.” he shrugged, his eyes never wandering from the television.

“Figures.” Trace said, focusing on the high speed pursuit that was taking place on the television.

The guys sat quietly for a little while watching all of the dramatic events that unfolded on the television set before Justin finally looked up and around the room realizing Kerrigan had never rejoined them.  “Did Kerrigan go to bed already?”

“Yeah, she said she was tired and wanted to go to sleep.  Said to tell you goodnight, sorry I forgot.”

“Oh, ok.” Justin said, refocusing on the TV.

Trace sat there for a few minutes longer before finally deciding he’d seen enough of Cops and was just going to go to bed himself.  He stood up and looked over at Justin.  “I think I’m gonna go crash too.  The time difference always throws me off and I think I’m still exhausted from all the Christmas festivities.”

Justin nodded, never really breaking his focus on the TV.  “Alright man, goodnight.”

Trace eyed Justin for a moment.  He’d been fairly quiet since they’d gotten home from Tennessee.  He could tell something was troubling Justin, but it was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it.  “J, everything ok?” he asked, knowing it would be useless, but asking all the same.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.  Why?” he said, finally looking up to meet Trace’s eyes.

“You’re just really quiet.”

“Well, I guess I’m just tired too.”

“You thinking about the Trial?” Trace questioned, already knowing the answer.

Justin nodded, there was no need to lie.  Trace would see right through it.  “Yeah.  Among other things.”

“Wanna talk about it?” he offered.

Justin gave him a small smile, but shook his head no.  “Not really.  But thanks.”

Trace nodded.  “Alright.  Well, then I’ll see ya in the morning.  If you change your mind you know where to find me.”

“Ok.  Night man.” Justin said, turning his attention back to the television.

Trace sighed and headed for bed.  Maybe tomorrow would be a better day and Justin would feel more like talking then.  But Trace wasn’t going to hold his breath for that.
 

Kerrigan sat up quickly in her bed, breathing heavily, her heart racing in her chest.  She had just had the worst dream.  She’d dreamed that she had been found guilty of Cody’s murder and was sentenced to death.

She knew the dream was a bit extreme and she wasn’t even up for the death penalty, but her mind had a way of getting away from her.  Especially, when she was dreaming.

She laid in her bed for a good hour trying to go back to sleep, but she couldn’t.  She was scared.  The closer they got to the trial date the more clear everything became.  She might actually go to prison.  She might actually be put behind bars.  And strange enough it wasn’t the thought of being incarcerated that troubled her so.  It was the idea of not getting to see Justin anymore.

If she was sentenced to prison then she would no longer be able to see Justin, Trace, the guys or any of her family.  Sure, they’d be able to visit her but it wouldn’t be the same.  And Kerrigan honestly couldn’t even picture Justin or any of the other Nsync guys coming to see her in prison.  The headlines on those photos would be priceless.

Feeling the need to be close to Justin, since she didn’t know how much time she actually had left with him.  Kerrigan climbed out of her bed and made her way down the hall to his room.  She knocked on the door softly but got no response.

Figuring he was already asleep she opened the door quietly with the full intent of joining him in bed so she could possibly feel safe enough to go back to sleep.  But Justin wasn’t in his bed or anywhere in his room.

Assuming he had probably fallen asleep on the sofa downstairs, Kerrigan exited his room and made her way downstairs to the living room in search of him.  This wouldn’t be the first time he had fallen asleep watching television and she was sure it probably wouldn’t be the last either.  But when she got to the living room the TV was off and the room was dark.

For a moment she was confused as to where he could be, but then she heard the soft sound of his piano coming from the den.

Heading down the hall, Kerrigan’s ears perked up.  As she got closer she could hear the beautiful sound of the piano combined with the soft sound of Justin’s voice.  She knew right away he was working on a song.  This wasn’t the first time she had ever stumbled upon him working on something in the middle of the night.

As she got to the room, she perched her body in the doorway, not wanting to disturb him, but fully intent on hearing what he was working on.

Kerrigan absorbed the gentle keystrokes of the piano and Justin’s raspy, emotion filled voice as it  carried through the room and past her out into the hall.

You don't have to hide baby,
Cause I will be your protector.
Let's take a ride,
On a trip that's gonna last forever,
I'm positive this will work (it's gonna work)
You're smiling cause you know you feel it too.
Baby, all I ever wanted was you.

As she listened to the words that were escaping Justin’s lips she was overcome with emotion.  She wasn’t sure but it seemed as if he was singing about her.  But that also confused her because he said the words “all I ever wanted was you” and that just didn’t make sense to her.

With a heavy heart, Kerrigan moved slowly and quietly as possible into the room.  She didn’t want to disturb him and she wasn’t ready for him to know she was there yet.  She wanted, she needed, to hear more of the song.

She approached him from behind as quietly as she could until she was standing right behind him.  He didn’t seem to notice she was there, if he did he hadn’t acknowledged her presence.

Peeking over his shoulder at the paper that was laid before him on top of the piano Kerrigan scanned the scribbled writing, looking over some of the words that stuck out to her.  But then something caught her eyes.

Something that answered all of the questions swimming around inside of her head.  The words “Kerrigan’s Song” scribbled at the top of the paper and a small gasp escaped her lips.

Justin immediately stopped playing and turned to look at her, slightly startled.  He hadn’t heard her enter the room and judging by the expression on her face something was wrong but he wasn’t sure what it was.

He didn’t know what to do.  He wasn’t sure what she had heard or what she was gasping about and all she was doing was staring at him with this emotion filled expression.  He wasn’t sure if she understood what the song was about and that’s the reason she was looking at him the way she was.  Or if she simply found the song beautiful.  Or perhaps she had had another bad dream and that was why she looked a little upset.

When she continued to stare at him without saying anything Justin decided that someone needed to say something, so he uttered the first thing that came to his mind.  “Did I wake you?”

Kerrigan shook her head no, remaining quiet for a moment before she finally spoke in a soft voice.  “No.  I couldn’t sleep.”

“Another bad dream?” he asked.

“Yeah.” she nodded, still watching him.  “That song.  It’s really beautiful.”

“Thanks.” he said.  “It’s just something I’ve been working on.”

Kerrigan nodded, moving closer to him.  “Could you play it for me?”

Justin was quiet.  He was hesitant to play the song for her because it meant a lot to him.  It expressed a lot of the things he was feeling inside for her and he wasn’t sure what she would think about it.  If she would realize it was about  her or if she would think it was just really something he was working on.

But after a moment he relented.  There was no way he could refuse her.  She looked sincerely touched by whatever portion of it she had heard before and something inside of him was telling him that he NEEDED to play the song for her.  If she realized who it was about then she realized, but he couldn’t lie to her about it.  It meant far too much to him.

“Ok.” he nodded.  “Here, sit down.” he said scooting over on the piano bench to make room for her.  Kerrigan sat down beside him and Justin looked over at her giving her a small smile.  “I’m still working on it so some things may change.  But I’m pretty happy with it so far.”

Kerrigan simply nodded in return.  She had no words, she was simply eager to hear the song in full.

Justin took a deep breath, settling his fingers over the keys of the piano.  He gave Kerrigan one last glance out the corner of his eye before his fingers started to strum the keys and his voice filled the room once again.

Look in my eyes
I know you see the love inside me.
I know that you're scared,
But I'm not gonna hurt you baby.
Just give me your hand (give me your hand)
I'll show you love is never ending,
We will fly away, and never look back again, no

I wanna take you away,
I got a little house where we can stay.
I wanna make you my own.
If you don't try you'll never know.
'Cause I could be the love of your life.
Until you make up your mind,
I'm gonna spend my time thinking of you, yeah

You don't have to hide baby,
Cause I will be your protector.
Let's take a ride,
On a trip that's gonna last forever,
I'm positive this will work (it's gonna work)
You're smiling cause you know you feel it too.
Baby, all I ever wanted was you.

I wanna to take you away,
I got a little house where we can stay.
I wanna make you my own.
If you don't try you'll never know.
'Cause I could be the love of your life.
Until you make up your mind,
I'm gonna spend my time thinking of you, yeah

Let's take a chance baby.
What have we got to lose?
I will show the world that I'm the best for you.
You will see my love will take you where you've never been.
All you gotta do is say yes to make me your man.
Your man...

I wanna take you away,
I got a little house where we can stay.
I wanna make you my own.
If you don't try you'll never know.
'Cause I could be the love of your life.
Until you make-up your mind,
I'm gonna spend my time thinking of you,,,,,,,,,

I wanna take you away
I wanna make you my own
I wanna take you away
I wanna make you my own
Take you away baby
I wanna make you my own

The faint sounds of the piano drifted off throughout the room as Justin finished his song.  He looked over at Kerrigan to find tears streaming down her face.  “What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly.

Kerrigan wiped her tears away, and looking up at Justin she asked; “Do you really feel that way?”
 

( Thinking Of You ~ Justin Guarini )