Chapter 63

Justin stared into Kerrigan’s tear filled eyes unsure of how to answer her question.  He didn’t mean for her to hear the song yet.  He wasn’t sure he would ever even play it for her, but it was his way of releasing some of the pent up emotions that were coursing through him for her.  But now having seen her response, he was glad that she had heard the song.

Growing somewhat emotional himself, Justin slowly wiped the tears from Kerrigan’s eyes.  He had to follow his heart, it was now or never.  She was asking and he couldn’t lie to her.  “I’ve never meant anything as much as I mean the lyrics in that song.”

Kerrigan nodded, a little shaky.  She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  “So you’re saying…saying that you wanna be with me?” she asked, a little unsure.

Justin smiled sweetly at her.  “Yeah.  That’s what I’m saying.”

Kerrigan’s eyes dropped to her hands that were placed in her lap.  She didn’t know how to respond to that.  She didn’t understand where these feeling from him were coming from all of the sudden.  She had been waiting YEARS for him to utter words like that to her and now that he was, she didn’t know what to think.  How to react.

“Kerrigan?” he questioned, when she wouldn’t look at him.

Immediately his heart sank, thinking the worst.  He had really messed up this time.  She wasn’t ready to know how he felt about her and judging from her reaction she obviously didn’t feel the same way.  She appeared to be upset by his words, taken off guard.

“I’m sorry, I guess I shouldn’t have told you that.  I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now and you really don’t need me making confessions of love to you in the  middle of everything that’s going on right now.” he said solemnly.

Kerrigan looked up quickly hearing his words.  “Confessions of love?”

“I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” he said, starting to back away.

“NO!” she grabbed his arm, halting his retreat.

Justin eyed her wearily.  “What do you mean, no?”

Tears once again started to stream down Kerrigan’s face.  She was overcome by her emotions, hearing Justin admit that he loved and as more than just a friend.  Her heart was racing in her chest and she couldn’t hold her feeling in any longer.  He seemed scared that she didn’t feel the same way and she was going to assure him that she did.  That she in fact loved him and had for years.

“Justin, I…I…” but she couldn’t get the words out.

“What, Kerrigan?” he urged, somewhat hopeful.

“I…I….dammit!” she cried, frustrated that she couldn’t utter the words.  Her heart was racing so fast inside her chest and she was so overwhelmed with everything that had taken place she just couldn’t spit the words out.  So she did the only other thing she could think to do.  She leaned forwarded, grabbing his face between her hands and kissed him.

Her kiss took Justin by surprise, therefore it took him a moment to respond.  But only a moment, a very brief moment.

Wrapping his arms around Kerrigan tightly, he held her to him as he returned her kiss.  Fireworks were literally going off inside his head and heart.  He had waited so long for this.  So long to be able to kiss her, really kiss her.

Moving one of his hands from her back to the side of her face, he gently caressed her cheek as he deepened the kiss.  He never wanted to stop kissing her.  It felt so incredible to have her in his arms.  To be kissing her and having her kiss him back.  No worries of how he would have to explain away his actions in the end, because SHE had initiated the kiss.

They kissed for what seemed like forever, before Justin finally pulled away from the embrace.  Leaning back in to gently place a few more small pecks on her lips as a smile spread across his face.

A smile spread across Kerrigan’s face as well.  She couldn’t help but smile.  Something she had been waiting years for, was finally happening and she couldn’t be any happier if she tried.

Staring into Justin’s eyes she finally found the words she had been trying so badly to utter before.  “I love you, Justin.”

Justin’s heart swelled inside his chest as he pulled Kerrigan into a tight hug, swearing to himself he would NEVER let her go.  “God, I love you too, Kerrigan.” he uttered into her hair.

They sat there, on the piano bench for what seemed like forever, holding each other as close as humanly possible.  They were both so consumed with what was happening that they weren’t sure what to do next.  What to say next.  But none of that really mattered at the moment, because they had each other.  They were together and that was the only thing that really mattered in the end.

After a long moment of holding each other close, Justin slowly pulled away.  Looking at Kerrigan he gave her a relieved smile.  “God, I was so scared there for a minute that I had really fucked up.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because I’ve been telling myself for the longest time now that I wouldn’t do this.  That I would mess everything up.”

“What do you mean mess everything up?” she questioned.

Justin sighed, he needed to explain.  “I didn’t think you was ready for another relationship after everything you’ve been through.  I promised myself I would hold back my feelings because of that.  And I wasn’t sure how you felt.  Honestly, I didn’t think you looked at me like that.”

“How long have you been feeling this way?”

“Since truth or dare.  Well, actually before that, but I didn’t really realize that that’s what was going on with me till then.”

“Going on with you?”

“Yeah.  Why I hated Cody.  Why it bothered me so much to see you two together.  I mean I had a bad feeling about him from the beginning, but a lot of it was also because I was jealous as hell.  At first I fooled myself into believing it was just because he was stealing all of your attention away from me.  But after I kissed you that night, I knew what I’d been denying all along.”

“Which was?” she was enjoying his confession and wasn’t about to stop him.

“That I was in love with you and had been for a long time.”

“Can I tell you something?” she asked, somewhat shyly.

“Of course.” he smiled.

“I’ve been in love with you for a long time too.”

“You have?” he said, surprised.

“Yeah.  Since we were younger actually.  It started out as just a crush, but grew over the years.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Kerrigan sighed; “Because I was scared.  You was with Britney and I didn’t wanna lose your friendship by messing it up by telling you something like that.”

“Why didn’t you say something after we broke up then?”

“Because, J.  You was really hurting at the time.  The last thing you needed was me confessing THAT!”

“I guess.” he sighed, feeling somewhat bad to learn she had been in love with him for so long and he had never realized it.

“It doesn’t’ matter now.” she told him.

“True.” he paused.  “But can I ask…if you loved me, then why did you get involved with Cody?”

Kerrigan looked down at her hands before looking back up to meet Justin’s eyes.  “Because I didn’t think you felt the same way.  And I was tired of being just one of the guys, so when Cody came along I jumped on it.  He made me feel special and wanted.  I guess I just needed that kind of attention.  I was trying to forget about my feelings for you because I didn‘t think they‘d ever be returned.”

“I see.” he paused, thinking about her words.  “I jut wish I would have realized this sooner.  We could have been together a long time ago.  And you wouldn’t be where you are now.  And you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

“But that’s the past, Justin.  It won’t do us any good to dwell on it now.  We can only move forward.”

“Now you sound like me.” he said, referring to the lecture he had given her just a few weeks before.

“Well, you’re a smart guy.  So maybe you should take some of your own advice.”

“Yeah, I guess.” he said, smiling at her.  She looked so beautiful sitting there before him.  Her lips still slightly swollen form their kiss.

Leaning forward he gently kissed her again.  When he pulled back, Kerrigan smiled at him.  “What was that for?”

“I couldn’t help myself.  Besides I’ve gotta make up for lost time.” he smirked, leaning in to kiss her again.

Kerrigan smiled when he pulled away for the second time.  “I can live with that.”

“Good.” he smiled.

They were both quiet for a moment.  Just watching each other, taking it all in.

Finally, Justin spoke up.  “You wanna go to bed?”

Kerrigan raised her eyebrows at his question.

Justin rolled his eyes.  “Not like that!  I’m not rushing all that.  I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t wanna make love to you.  But it’s too soon.  I don’t think we’re ready for all of that yet.”

“And if I said I was?” she asked, giving him a wicked smile.

Justin groaned.  “Girl, don’t tempt me!” he said, as he pulled her up from the bench, leading her out of the room.

Kerrigan laughed.  “I’m just playin’.  I agree with you.  It’s too soon.”

Justin nodded.  “Besides your ribs are still healing and I don’t wanna send ya back to the hospital.”

Kerrigan gave him a funny look.  “You think highly of yourself.”

Justin smirked.  “Oh, just you wait.  You’ll find out soon enough.” he said, leading her up the stairs.

“I guess.” she said in a bored, teasing tone.

“Shut up.  Let’s just go to bed.” he laughed, pulling her into his room.

They settled into the bed together.  Justin finally getting to hold Kerrigan the way he truly wanted.  Both of them falling asleep with peaceful, content smiles on their faces.