=Chapter Twelve=Distracted=

“Hey, baby, are you all right?” Justin asked as he rubbed my shoulder.  I came out of my daze when I heard him speak.  I looked over at him with a confused look on my face.

“I’m sorry, did you say something?” I asked.  I could see that he was as confused as I was.  I’d been out of it since we’d slept together the night before.  My head was in the clouds.  I had been scolding myself since it had happened.  I knew there was no way for taking it back but I still felt terrible for actually going through with it.

“I asked you if you were okay.  Are you feeling all right?  You’re not coming down with something are you?” Justin asked as he reached over and felt my forehead.  Then he removed his hand and ran it through my hair.

“No I’m fine.  I’m just tired,” I answered.  Justin stared at me with a concerned look on his face.  I had to look away from him and down at my hands.

“This isn’t about the other night is it?  I mean, I can’t take what we did back.  If you didn’t know, that night was great,” Justin said but the last sentence was a whisper as he leaned in closer to me.  I couldn’t help but smile slightly.  I felt my cheeks getting warm.  Justin reached down and lifted my face up toward his.  The second I looked into his eyes the smile fell from my face. “You’ve been so distant, since we slept together the other night.  Did I do something wrong?”

“Of course not, you were so sweet to me.  I don’t know, I guess…I don’t know how to explain it.  I’m fine.  I’m just tired from the tour, that’s all.  I promise.  Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” I said as a forced myself to smile at him even though I was in no mood to smile.  I felt guilty and I knew that my guilt was only going to get worse.

=

I took a deep breath as we approached the front door of Justin’s parents’ house.  I carried my small bag over my shoulder.

We’d made plans that we were going to stay a couple days with Justin’s parents and then I was going to go back home.  So I could visit my family while Justin stayed in Tennessee and visited all of his family.  I was actually happy about this plan because I would get a few days when I could actually be the real me.

I looked around at my surroundings and smiled.  It was small town.  I could basically walk from one side of town to the other in only a few hours maybe less.  The leaves were starting to turn colors as autumn approached fast.  It had nearly been three and half months since I’d been pretending to be Kenzie.  It was hard to believe that I’d been doing this for that long.  It had only seemed like yesterday that I started.

I followed Justin into the house and set my bags down next to his when he left them next to the door.  He turned to his right and walked into the bright kitchen.  I stopped in the entryway and looked around the lower level of the house.  To the left of me was the living room, which was large and spacious.  The sunlight warmed up the room as it brought light in through the windows.  I couldn’t help but smile.  It reminded me so much of my parents’ house.  Warm and cozy.

“Hey, Kenzie, are you going to come in here or stare at the house like you’ve never seen it before?” Justin asked as he walked over toward me.  He wrapped his arms around my waist when I turned toward him.  I looked up at him.

“I’m coming.  I just forgot how cozy this house was.  It’s been a while since I’ve been here,” I answered hoping that he would buy my lie.  He nodded and kissed me lightly.

“Come on.” Justin grabbed my hand and lead me into the kitchen where I saw his mother baking.  I smiled.  I had always pictured her in the kitchen baking and here I was witnessing it for myself.

“McKenzie, how are you?” Lynn asked as she brushed her hand off on her pants and walked over toward me.  She pulled me into a hug.

McKenzie?  No one ever calls my sister McKenzie.  She won’t even let me call her that.  Even though I do it anyways but she hates it.

“I’m doing great, how are you doing Mrs. Harless?” I asked once she pulled away.

“McKenzie, I’ve told you before, call me Lynn.  I hate all that formal stuff, you know that,” Lynn said with a big smile.  I couldn’t help but smile myself.

“Right, sorry I forgot.”

“No need to apologize.  Now you two must be starving after flying all the way from Texas.  What would you like?” Lynn asked as she walked back around the island and stood there looking at me and Justin.  I glanced back at Justin with a smile.  I had no idea what to say.

“Uh…whatever you want to make.  I have nothing in mind,” I answered with a shrug.

=

I sighed as I glanced over at Justin, who was fast asleep.  How was he able to sleep?  Actually I knew how he was able to sleep.  He wasn’t the one with a secret like I did.  He didn’t have the weight of the world on their shoulders.  I groaned lightly when I looked over at the clock.  It’s bright red numbers stared at me telling me it was two in the morning.

I couldn’t sleep.  Justin however fell right to sleep.  I knew there was no reason to lay in bed because I knew I couldn’t go to sleep.  I threw the covers off of myself and slipped on my slippers.  I walked to the window seat and grabbed Justin’s sweatshirt and slipped in on over my tank top.  As I walked out the door I heard Justin mumble something in his sleep.  I smiled a little and walked out the door.  I slowly walked down the stairs trying not to make a lot of noise.   I didn’t want to wake anyone up.  Once I reached the bottom floor I walked toward the back door.

The door squeaked as I opened it.  I cringed but continued to open it up until I could slip out.  I looked around and spotted a patio chair.  I walked over toward it and sat down.  I pulled my knees up to my chin and stared up at the night sky.

I must have gotten lost in the night sky because I didn’t hear anyone come outside until they were standing next to me.

“McKenzie, are you all right?” I heard Lynn ask as she laid her hand on my shoulder.  I glanced up at her and smiled.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Can’t sleep, that’s all,” I said with a small shrug.  Lynn smiled.

“Well, you mind if I join you?  I can’t either.”

“Sure, by all means,” I said with another smile.  Lynn pulled up another patio chair next to mine and sat down.  She folded her arms in her lap and looked up at the stars.  We sat there for a few minutes not saying a word even though I felt the need to tell Lynn my whole life story.

“So, things are getting pretty serious with you and Justin, huh?” Lynn asked.  I jumped a little when I heard her voice.  I hadn’t expected her to talk.  I chewed on my lower lip.

“Yeah,” I answered with a small smile.  I couldn’t help but smile, even though I knew that the last couple of days had been agonizing for me.

“He really likes you, McKenzie.” The smile fell from my face and my shoulders fell when she said my sister’s name. “I’ve only seen him like this with one other girlfriend and that was Britney.”

Oh great.  That makes me feel fantastic.  She broke his heart.

“Oh really?” I asked softly.  I wanted to know more but at the same time I wanted her to stop.  I didn’t want to hear about the fact that the more time I wasted the harder Justin was falling.  And the longer I waited the harder all of this was going to be.

“Yes, really.  Don’t underestimate yourself, McKenzie,” Lynn answered more motherly than she probably thought.  We both fell silent.

I glanced over at Lynn and smiled.  The moment that I’d met Lynn I felt that I had some kind of connection to her.  Maybe it had to do with the fact that we both wanted to protect Justin.  I hated lying to him but I wanted to keep this secret a secret for as long as I could.  On his behave.

“Just between you and me, he’s head over heel for you.” I nearly broke down crying when she said that.  I hated the fact that my emotions had gotten in the way of everything.  I shouldn’t have let this relationship get this far.  I shouldn’t even be here.  I should be home at school.

I forced myself to yawn and stretched lightly.  I set my feet down on the ground.  As I stood up I glanced over at Lynn.  I needed to get out of there.  I needed to get back upstairs.  If I stayed much longer I was going to break down.

“I think I’m going to head back upstairs.  I’m getting tired.” I folded my arms over my chest.  Lynn nodded.

“All right, goodnight.  See you in the morning,” Lynn said softly.  I said goodnight and walked back into the house leaving Lynn sitting in the backyard.  I slowly walked up the stairs and into the bedroom.  I slipped off Justin’s sweatshirt and my slippers.  As I climbed back into bed Justin rolled over.

“You all right, baby?” Justin asked groggily.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  I just went downstairs to get something to drink.  Go back to sleep,” I answered and kissed him on the forehead.  I laid my head on my pillow as he scooted closer.  He leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips.  I smiled.  Justin wrapped his arms around my waist as he slipped back into sleep.  I watched him for a few moments then closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.