=Chapter Fourteen=Home, Sweet, Home=

I let out a huge sigh of relief as I walked into the apartment.  I was home.  I was finally able to be myself for a few days.  I could be the real me.  I threw my bags on the floor next to the door and flung myself onto the couch.

“Home, sweet, home.  I’m finally home,” I said to myself.  I sat up with a start when I heard my phone ringing.  I reached into my pocket and smiled when I saw who it was. “Hey baby,” I answered.

“Hey, I take it you made it home all right.”

“Yes I did.  Just walked in the door.”

“All right, I just wanted to make sure you got home all right.  I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Okay.  See you then.” I flipped the phone shut before Justin could say anymore.  I had been a little tense over the last few days that we had spent together.

Justin never said anything about what he was going to tell me after he had seen me crying.  I was just worried that he’d say something about it again and I wouldn’t be able to stop him this time.  But I think he got the hint that I wasn’t ready to hear those words yet.  Actually I didn’t want to hear those words from him.  Because I knew that there would be no turning back if I heard those three little words.  Hell, there was no turning back now.  This were getting to a point where I was going to loose control of everything.  I was going to loose control of myself if I kept this relationship going.

I was going to have to end it soon.  The sooner the better, I’m afraid.  I don’t want to end it because I care about Justin a lot but I can’t keep living a lie.  I’ll have to tell him when I see him next.  Even though I’m dreading that moment that I have to tell him that we’re over.

=

I sat up when I heard a knock at the door.  I stared at the door for a moment but got up and opened it.

“Ellie, what are you doing home?  I thought you were in Japan,” I asked my best friend as I pulled her into a hug.

“I came back on the 15th.  I tried calling you but you never answered.  I was a little upset about it but now I understand.  Your mom told me about Kenzie.  I’m sorry,” Ellie said as she walked into the house and sat down in the chair that was in the room.  I shut the door and walked over toward the couch and sat down.

“Did she tell you everything?”

“Yeah.  She told me how you were pretending to be your sister.  How is that going?  I’ve noticed that things with you and Justin have gotten a little serious.  Are you going to keep that going once Kenzie gets back in the spotlight?”

“No, I can’t keep it going.  He doesn’t know,” I said softly as I looked down at my hands.

“He doesn’t know?  Lola, you have to tell him.  That’s something that you don’t keep secret from someone you’re dating.”

“I know and I feel terrible for it.  I scold myself everyday but there’s nothing that I can do.  I mean telling him now isn’t going to do us any good.  It’ll just make things worse.  He’ll hate me and probably Kenzie too for the rest of our lives.  I can’t do that to him.  I care about him too much.”

“If you care about him that much you have to tell him.  He needs to know.  How would you feel if you were in his shoes and someone you’ve been dating for several months tells you that?  Yes, you’d be upset but if you cared about them as much as he seems to care about you then you’d forgive them right?”

“Eventually.  I don’t know…I just can’t bring myself to tell him.  I’m scared.  I don’t want him to hate me.  Ellie, I know he will if he finds out about all of this.  I just have to break up with him.  That’s all.  That’ll fix all of this.  I have to do it before things become too serious.”

“Has he said that he loves you?”

“No but I think he tried to the other day but I ran away before he could.”

“How so?” I explained to Ellie what had happened at his parents’ house. “He’s in love with you girl.  Have you two slept together yet?”

“You dirty little girl.  You just want to know all of the damn details don’t you?” I asked with a laugh.

“Of course I do, I haven’t seen you in six months.  Of course I want to know every minor detail.”

“Not that it’s any of your business but yes we have.  Once,” I said with a smile.

“Was he good?” Ellie asked with an eager look on her face.

“I’m not going to tell you that.  You are way too excited about all of this.”

“He was that bad huh?” Ellie tilted her head to the side. “That’s too bad, I figured he’d be mind blowing good.” I laughed.

“I am not hearing this.  I am not hearing this.  We are ending this conversation right now.  I am not talking about me sex life with you,” I said as I covered my face with my hands.  Ellie began laughing.

“Come on, we talk about everything else.  Why not this?  You love him don’t you?” Ellie asked teasingly.  I removed my hands from my face and looked at her with a serious look on my face.

“No,” I answered.

“Not yet at least, right?” Ellie asked.  I stared at her for a moment.  I knew she was right.  If things continued as they were going I would fall in love with him.  I couldn’t let that happen.  I couldn’t let anymore happen between us. “Lola, I was only teasing you.”

“Yeah I know but it’s the truth.  If things keep going like they are, I’m afraid I will fall in love with him.  I mean, he’s practically said it himself.  The only reason he hasn’t is I stopped him when he tried.  Ellie, what am I going to do?” I buried my head in my hands.  I heard the chair squeak as Ellie stood up.  I felt the couch move as she sat down next to me.

“If you feel that breaking up with him is the only way then that’s what you have to do.  But please do not do it over the phone.  That’s so childish.” I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“I know.  I hate it when people do that.  You know Jake did that.  He broke up with me over the phone.

“Speaking of Jake, he called the other day wondering where you were.  He says that he’s sorry and that he wants to get back together with you,” Ellie said as she rolled her eyes. “Can you believe him?” I sighed.

“Sadly, yes I can.  He tried to get back together with me like a month after he broke up with me.  He said that he was sorry and that he loved me.  And that he wanted to get back together with me.”

“He said that he loved you?”

“Yeah, he never said it once when we were actually together.  He said that he realized that he had made a big mistake when he broke up with me.  And that he didn’t realize that he loved me until I wasn’t there with him,” I said as I rolled my eyes.

“Boys, all they want is sex,” Ellie said as she shook her head.

“You’re telling me.  Justin tried to have sex with me after like a week of going out.” Ellie tilted her head to the side and gave me a big smile.

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about your sex life with Justin.” I glared at her and pushed her away from me.

“Shut up, Ellie May.” Ellie’s mouth fell open.

“You did no just call me that.  You know I hate my full name.  I sound like a damn hillbilly when people call me that.”

“Isn’t that what you are?” I asked as I laughed.

“I’m just going to forget that you just said that.  But only this once,” Ellie said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Ellie, you know I love you.  I missed you so much,” I said as I pulled Ellie into a hug.  She hugged me back. “You don’t know how much I missed talking to you.  It’s good to be home and have someone that I can talk to with me.”

=

I groaned when I heard the doorbell ring.  I rolled over and stared at the front door.  Who the hell was ringing the doorbell?  I slowly got up and stepped over Ellie who was asleep on the floor next to me.   She’d slept over the last few nights so we could catch up with each other.  It felt like old times having her around.  I walked over to the door and opened it up.

“Oh I’m sorry, baby, were you sleeping?” Justin asked with a smile on his face.  He leaned forward and kissed me on the lips.

“What are you doing here?  I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow,” I said with a surprised look on my face.  I wasn’t expecting him to come home so soon.  It had only been like two days since I had last seen him.

“I missed you,” Justin said softly and reached for my hand.  He interlocked out fingers together.  He looked at me like he was about to say something but Ellie stopped him when she interrupted.

“Who’s at the door, Lo…loser?” I heard Ellie ask as she walked up behind me.  I had totally forgotten that she was even here.  But I was happy that she had interrupted at that moment.  I laughed.

“Ellie, this is Justin.  Justin this is Ellie my best friend from preschool.”

“Best friend since preschool, huh?  That’s a long time.  Sounds like me and Trace.  It’s nice to meet you Ellie,” Justin said as he held out his hand to shake Ellie’s.  Ellie smiled and shook his.

“Nice to meet you too, Justin.”

“Well, I guess I’ll be heading out,” Justin said as he turned his attention back to me, “I didn’t realize you had company.  I’ll see you tomorrow evening.  I have something special planned.”

“Like what?” I asked playfully.

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” Justin leaned over and kissed me. “It was nice meeting you, Ellie.  We’ll have to hang out sometime.” Ellie nodded with sort of a stupid grin on her face.  I couldn’t help smiling at her.  She was acting like I did the first time I had met Justin. “See you tomorrow, baby.” Justin kissed me one last time before he started to leave.  I waved. “Oh, wait, before I go.” Justin rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a card. “Here you and Ellie go shopping today.  On me.  Find something cute for tomorrow night.” Justin handed the card to me.  I looked down at it and my mouth fell open slightly.

“No, Justin, we couldn’t.  I have my own money.  I can buy something on my own,” I said as I started to hand the card back to him but he held up his hand.

“I know you do but please just use it.  I want you to use it.” I nodded.  I wasn’t about to argue with him again.  I was only going to protest once and then if he still told me to take it I was going to. “All right, I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Justin kissed me and then walked to his car.

I watched him pull out of the parking spot and leave the parking lot.  I slowly turned toward Ellie who also had the dumbfounded look on her face as I’m sure I had.  Ellie looked over at me and threw her arms around me.

“I love you, Lola.  I love you,” she blurted out.

“I love you too, Ellie.” I laughed and hugged her back. “Come on let’s go get dressed and then go shopping.”