Prologue

( January 2004 )

JC stood watching Abby as she left the dance floor holding David’s hand.  They met up with the other three guys, grabbed some things off the table and then made their way back through the crowd towards the entrance.  Panic and confusion shot through him.

His eyes then locked with hers as she looked back at him one last time from the door.  He stared at her trying to figure out what to do.  He was frozen in place.  He wanted to run after her.  To stop her.  But he couldn’t’ move.  He could see the hurt and sadness in her eyes.  She looked at him as if she wanted to say something, and then turned her back to him and walked out the door.

JC tossed in his bed and switched sides, snuggling deeper into his pillow.

They pulled up in front JC‘s house and his heart sank and fear set in.  “Abby’s car isn’t here!” he said worriedly jumping out of the truck and rushing towards his house.

JC quickly unlocked the door and rushed into the house.  “Abby?  Abby?  ABBY, WHERE ARE YOU?” he yelled as he ran through the house looking in every room downstairs.  He ran up the stairs and down the hall to her room.  He burst through the bedroom door.  “Abby, are you here?” He flipped on the bedroom light and came to a dead stop.  Looking around the room he saw that pretty much all of Abby’s belongings were gone.  The room was in disarray, he could tell her things had been gathered quickly.  “She’s really gone.” he thought to himself.

JC again tossed and turned in the hotel bed he was sleeping in, as his dream of flashbacks continued.

He was sitting on a bench in the mall watching the people as they walked by.  Then something caught his eye a couple stores down from the one Dallas was in.  He squinted his eyes trying to be able to see the girl a little more clearly.  She looked very familiar.  When she turned her head to look back over her shoulder it was then that he knew exactly who she was.  It was Abby’s friend Mahogany.

JC jumped up off the bench and began to make his way over to where she was.  He stopped however when Abby came walking out of the store pushing a stroller.  He stood frozen in place studying her.  She was smiling at something Mahogany had said.  He looked down at the stroller but he really couldn’t see anything from where he was.

He was still just staring at her when Abby laughed again at something her friend had said and then turned her head slightly.  It was then that she noticed JC standing there.  The smile slowly faded from her face and she stared at him.  JC took a deep breath and proceeded to walk over to her.

“Hey, Abby.” he smiled slightly at her and then looked at Mahogany.  “Mahogany, right?”

She smiled at him and nodded.  “Yeah, that’s right.”

JC turned his attention back to Abby.  “How have you been?”

“Good.  And you?” she smiled as warmly as she could.  JC could tell she was shocked to see him.

“I’m good.  Just out here promoting my album.”

“Yeah, I bought it when it was released in October.  You did an amazing job.”

“Thanks.” he smiled.  It made him feel good to know that she had bought his album.  He only hoped that she knew she was the inspiration for a lot of the songs.

Abby was about to say something else to him when a tall blonde man approached them and began talking to Abby, completely oblivious to JC standing there.  “Abigail, the manager said the walker we wanted for Kylie should be in within the next couple weeks and he’ll call us when it comes in.”

Abby looked up at him and smiled.  “Good.  That’s the one I really wanted.  I mean she doesn’t need it right now, but it’s better to be prepared.”

“Well, like I said he’ll call when it’s in.” he said then noticing JC.  “Oh, sorry I didn’t even see you standing there.  I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Oh, no it’s quite alright.” JC waved him off.

“Abigail?  Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?” the man asked.

“Yeah, sorry.” she smiled.  “Um…Tommy this is my old friend, JC.  JC, this is my husband Tommy.”

JC stared at her in shock.  Her husband?  She was married?  But he was pulled from his shock when Tommy spoke to him.  “ It’s nice to finally meet you man.  I’ve heard a lot about you.” Tommy smiled as he shook JC’s hand.

JC just smiled warmly back.  “Nice to meet you too.”  He could only imagine the things he had heard about him.  He couldn’t help but wish that Tommy hadn’t heard a thing about him.  He knew that most of it had to be bad things.

Mahogany spoke up at that point.  “Hey, Tommy.  You wanna go with me and Kylie down to the toy store?  I seen this adorable little bear there a couple weeks ago I wanted to get her.” she smiled. JC looked down at the small child in the stroller.  She was a cute little girl.  Lots of brown hair, with big eyes just like Abby.

“Sure.” Tommy smiled.  “We’ll be down at the toy store when you’re done, hun.” he said leaning in and kissing Abby on her cheek, then taking the stroller from her hands and began pushing it down the mall hallway with Mahogany at his side.

JC watched them walk away and then looked back at Abby.  “Soooo….you’re married, huh?” he said glancing down at her left hand to see her wedding ring.

“Yeah.” she nodded.

“How long?” he asked looking back up at her.

“A little over a year now.”

“And the baby?  She’s yours?” he asked.

“Yeah.  That’s my daughter, Kylie.”

JC nodded his head and sighed.  He could not believe this was happening.  His heart was literally breaking at the information he had just received. “She’s beautiful.” he said softly.

“Thanks.” Abby replied.  “So, how are the guys doing?  I heard you’re all working on a new album.”

“The guys are good.  Chris is dating some new girl.  Hasn’t been going on for very long and I’ve only met her once so I can’t really tell you much about that.  Lance, is working on a couple different projects and a movie.  Justin, is just being Justin.  And Joey and Kelly just found out they’re expecting.”

“Oh, really.  That’s great.  Please tell them congratulations for me.  And tell the others I said hello.” Abby smiled brightly at that news.

“I will.” JC said as he continued to star at her.

“Well, JC it was nice seeing you again, but I should probably go catch up with Tommy and Mahogany.  We’ve got some other places we need to go.”

“Oh, sure, right.  I understand.  It was really good seeing you again too.” he leaned in to hug her.

Abby tensed at his touch and that shattered his heart even more.  He leaned back and looked down at her.  “Is there a number we can contact you at.  I know Justin and Joey would really like to talk to you.”

Abby shook her head.  “I don’t think that’s such a great idea, JC.  I’m sorry, but I have a new life now.  You understand right?” she looked him in the eyes.

He understood.  She was telling him she didn’t want anything to do with him.  And that meant his friends as well.  “Of course.  Yeah.” he nodded solemnly.

“Ok, well I gotta go.  Please tell the guys and Kelly hello for me.” she paused.  “And take care of yourself, JC.  And good luck with the tour and everything.” she smiled and then turned and walked away from him.

JC’s eyes flew open and he sat up in bed.  He looked around the room trying to remember where he was.  It was a hotel room.  He then remembered that he was in Seattle, Washington, nearing the end of his tour.  It had been four months since JC had ran into Abby in Las Vegas.  And he had been having the same dream every night since.  Reliving the moments that were embedded in his thoughts for over the last year and a half.

She was never far from his mind.  He thought about her every day.  There always seemed to be something someone would say, or something he would see that would remind him of her.  And of what a fool he had been.  Of the one lie that had tore them apart.  The lie that he didn’t love her the same way.
 
 
 
 
 

Chapter 1

( May 2004 )

JC was back in Orlando with the rest of the guys of Nsync.  They were working on their fourth album.  It was pretty much complete with the exception of a few minor touch ups here and there that needed to be made.

It had been hard but in between JC’s tour dates he had stopped into different recording studies along the road to record his remaining portions of the album.  But now all the guys were again once back together from their various personal projects to complete their album so that it could be sent to production and then released.

Seeing as all the guys had been extremely busy over the last few months with their own projects, they hadn’t really gotten to see each other that much.  Or talk that much either.  So they were hanging out in the studio catching up as their producers reviewed the material and would then let them each know when they needed to make a change or fix something.

Justin was in the booth at the moment redoing one of his parts that the producer thought could have been done a little stronger and the other four men were sitting around talking about what they had been up to and different things of that sort.

Chris was talking about his trip back home to Pennsylvania to visit some family members he had made recently, and stated that he had seen a girl there that he could have sworn was Abby or her twin.

That of course reminded JC that he hadn’t mentioned to any of the guys when he had spoken to them that he had ran into Abby in Vegas when he was there a few months back.

“I mean I swear I thought she was Abby.  I scared the poor woman to death I know I did.  I ran up and just hugged her and was like “Abby, I haven’t seen you in forever!  How, have you been.” and then the girl looks at me and is like “Who are you?”  I felt SO stupid!  I apologized and explained and she was real nice about it, but I swear she looked JUST LIKE Abby!” Chris exclaimed.

Lance chuckled at the story.  “I wish I would have been there to see that.”

“It’s really funny now.  But at the time I was mortified.  I felt so dumb.” Chris said looking over at JC noticing his silence.  “Oh, C I’m sorry.  I wasn’t thinking.  I shouldn’t have brought that up.”

“No, Chris it’s ok.  Actually, I forgot to mention to you guys, but I ran into Abby in January out in Vegas.”

“You seen Abby?” Lance questioned.

“And you didn’t tell us?” Chris added.

“Did you talk to her?” Joey asked hesitantly.

“Well, I ran into her at the mall after I had done one of those autograph signings.  Dallas was with me.  I talked to her.  She’s…” he paused.

“She’s what?” Chris asked confused.

“Abby’s married.  And she’s got a baby.” JC finally spit out.

“She’s WHAT?” Lance asked unbelievingly.

“You saw, Kylie?” Joey asked and realized very quickly that he had REALLY stuck his foot in his mouth when JC’s eyes shot up to meet his in disbelief.

“You knew about Kylie?” JC questioned.  “How did you know about Kylie?  I thought she didn’t talk to any of us?”

Joey looked down at his hands.  He knew JC was gonna be mad.  He couldn’t really blame him, but then he had made a promise to Abby and she was his friend too, so he wasn’t going to go against one friend for another.  “Yeah, I knew.  I mean not because Abby contacted me or anything.  Me and Kelly were out in Vegas.  You know last October, a lil’ while before your album was released.  We ran into her then.  She had the baby with her and well you can guess the rest from there.  Her and Kelly keep in touch.”

“I cannot believe that you’ve known where she is and how to reach her since last October and you didn’t tell me!” JC said angrily standing up.  “I told her you and Kellie were expecting.  She didn’t act like she knew!”

“So that’s why she called Kellie congratulating her.  I wondered how she found out before Kellie told her.” Joey said aloud to himself.

“Joey!” JC growled.

“C, she made me promise not to tell anyone.  Not you, Justin, Chris OR Lance!  I promised.  She’s my friend too, I couldn’t go against her like that.  You wouldn’t want me to do that to you!” Joey defended.

“This is different, Joey!  You know I’m in love with her!  You know I’ve been miserable since she left!  Why would you keep that from me?  You know she’s married now!  And she’s got a kid with some guy!  That should be ME!” JC yelled.  “I should be her husband!  I should be the father of her children!”

Joey grew defensive.  “Yeah, well maybe you should have thought about that before you did what you did.  All you had to do JC, was tell her that you loved her!  All you had to do was get over your pride, or whatever the hell it was that was holding you back that whole time, and tell her that you loved her.  Then maybe you would be in that position!  But you have NO ONE to blame for that but YOURSELF!”

“OK, guys.  Let’s calm down here!” Lance tried to intervene.

“Your right, Joey.” JC said calming down.  “I should have told her.  And this is all my fault.  But you could have told me.  You could have at least told me that she was happy.  And that she was ok.”

“C, I would have.  But she asked me not to.  Abby’s been through a lot.  You know this first hand.  I was not going to complicate her life by going back and telling you things.  I know you, JC.  You would have pestered the shit out of me until I gave in and told you where she was.  But what would you have done?  She’s already married.  She has a family.  You DO NOT need to get mixed up in that.  You need to just let it go and be happy for her.”

“I wouldn’t have done anything stupid, Joey.  You act like I would have walked up in there and tried to tear her marriage apart.  You know me better than that.  I don’t do things like that.” JC defended.

Joey laughed.  “Except when Abby’s involved.  You’re unpredictable when it comes to her.  You always have been.  I can’t believe I didn’t see that whole thing sooner!  The way you was with her.  The way she was with you.  And the whole time I was totally oblivious!  I’ve never seen you act that way about any girl.  So how could I be sure what you would or wouldn’t do.” he paused in thought.  “But it doesn’t matter now.  It’s over with.  She’s happy.  She’s safe.  She’s doing good.  And she’s moved on.  Now you know.  So now it’s time for you to move on.”

JC sighed.  “If only it were that easy, Joe.”
 

Abby turned around in the passenger seat of Mahogany’s car so she could reach out to sooth a crying Kylie.  “We’re almost home baby.  Mama’s sorry she forgot your bag.  We’ll be there soon!”

Kylie seemed to understand her words, or it was just the soothing sound of her mothers voice because she instantly calmed down and settled back into her car seat looking around.  Abby turned back around in her seat and refastened her seatbelt letting out a long sigh.

“Is everything ok, Abby?  I mean you’ve been kind of out of it lately?  I mean are things going ok between you and Tommy?” Mahogany asked glancing over at her friend with concern.

She had been worried about Abby lately.  She seemed to be struggling with day to day things.  She knew she was under a lot of pressure.  Even though Kylie was now a year old, it was still all rather new to Abby to be mother.  She had to take care of Kylie, work full time, and take care of the household things as well.  But even on top of that Mahogany knew there was something else wrong.

“Why would you ask that?  I forgot her bag.  Not a big deal.  You know how forgetful I’ve been these days.”  Abby answered not looking away from the window she was staring out of.

“Exactly.  You didn’t used to be so forgetful.  But over the last few months you seem to be…well preoccupied by something.”

“Of coarse I am.  I’ve got a lot of responsibilities now.  I’m a mother.  It does that to you.” Abby said still staring out the window.

“Well, if you’re sure.  I just wanted to make sure that everything with Tommy was still going ok.” Mahogany said as she turned off the freeway to make her way to Abby’s apartment.

“M, things are fine with Tommy.  How could they not be?” she finally looked at her friend incredulously.

“Well, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah.” Abby nodded and went to look back off out the window, however her attention was diverted from the passing scenery of the neighborhood they had to drive through to get to her apartment when she heard the all too familiar opening chords, followed by the voice and words that seemed to haunt her.

Clear my eyes it's the morning after
Did I fall in love, or did I find disaster?
Take a second just to breathe
I pick my heart up off my sleeve, yea

There she goes and I know she knows
By the way she eased out on her tippy toes
Skip the breakfast, tea for two
We made no plans to rendeavous, yea

Abby stared at the radio in the car.  It was as if she was momentarily in a trance at hearing his voice again.  And singing that song.  A song that she knew the meaning behind all too well.

Someone for everyone but no one for me
(No one for me)
Constantly searching for the love I need to

Build my world around, around
I'll be the lonely one until I find someone
The one I build my world around, around
So bring the arms of love until I find the one
The one I build my world...

Lazy days, I'm in a hazy phase
Of watching countless ways in which my life goes crazy
Foolishness to blame
Still it pains me all the same, yea

Empty faces with empty gazes
In a race of change I'm losing faith in my pace
Trying to keep my feet before I fall

I'm on this endless road with nothing to see
(Nothing to see)
Constantly searching for the love I need to.....

The music was suddenly cut off when Abby reached out and switched off the radio.  Mahogany looked at her skeptically.  “What’d ya do that for?”

“I just don’t feel like listening to that right now.” she sighed.

“Why?” Mahogany persisted.

“I just don’t.  Ok?” Abby rolled her eyes and looked back off out the window and seen that they were approaching her apartment.

“Could it be because that song hits a lil’ too close to home?” Mahogany gave her a knowing look.

“It doesn’t matter.  We’re here now, so we wouldn’t have heard the rest anyways.” Abby said as they pulled into the parking space directly in front of her front door.

Abby quickly jumped out of the front seat to avoid any further conversation regarding the song and why she didn’t want to listen to it.  She gathered Kylie and her things from the back seat and made her way towards the front door of her apartment.

Mahogany followed close behind carrying Kylie’s car seat.  “Do you need me to take you anywhere else?” she asked.

“No, the rest of the stuff can wait until Tommy gets home.  I appreciate you taking me though.  Sorry, we had to cut our day short because of my forgetfulness.” Abby said referring to the tantrum Kylie had thrown at the store when she didn’t have her blanky.  Abby had gone off and left her bag at the house that had all of her toys and her blanky in it.

“It’s not a problem.  When does your car get out of the shop?  Will you need me to give you a ride to work tomorrow and drop Kylie off at daycare?” Mahogany asked setting the car seat down inside the door.

“We’re supposed to go pick my car up tonight.  So I should be good, but thank you.  I do appreciate you playing chauffer to me and my kid the last couple of days.” she smirked.

“I’ll play chauffer whenever ya need me to.” Mahogany smiled.  “Well, I’m gonna go.  Me and Robbie got plans tonight and I need to go home and get ready.”

“OK, I’ll talk to you later.  Tell Rob I said, hey.”

“Will do.  Call me if ya need me.  Bye!” Mahogany called as she walked out the front door, closing it behind her.

Abby got Kylie settled on the floor with her toys and blanky, and then haphazardly threw herself onto the large sofa.  She laid there staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought.

She was fiercely peeved with herself, because for the last couple of months since she had ran into JC at the mall in January, she couldn’t get him out of her mind.  And it seemed like there was always something there to remind her.  One of his songs.  His picture on a magazine or newspaper cover.  He was everywhere and she couldn’t escape him.  Which meant she also couldn’t escape the heartache that still lingered in her heart.

( Lyrics: Build My World / By: JC Chasez )
 
 
 
 
 

Chapter 2

“So this whole time Joey has known where, Abby was and he didn’t tell any of us?” Justin questioned.  He and JC were at a local restaurant getting something to eat after finishing up in the studio that day.

“Basically, yeah.” JC said taking another bite out of his sandwich.

Justin shook his head.  “I thought she didn’t want to talk to any of us?  That’s what she told me that one day I managed to get her on the phone.  After a month and a half of calling her mind you.  She told me that it was too painful for her to talk or see any of us because we only reminded her of you.  Why has she then been talking to, Joey?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.  I mean Joey said that Abby and Kellie keep in touch.  He didn’t really go into any details about any conversations he’s had with her.  Just that he and Kellie ran into her out in Vegas last October when they were out there.  And she had the baby with her.  And I guess Kellie and Abby have been keeping in touch since then.  I don’t really know.  All I do know is that I’m extremely upset he never said anything.  I don’t care if he promised her or not.  The least he could have done was said that he saw her and she was doing good.”

“Would you really have left it at that, though?” Justin questioned.

JC glared at him.  He was sick of all the assumptions his friends kept making about him when it came to Abby.  “YES!” he snapped.

Justin held his hands in the air.  “Hey, I was just askin’.  You don’t gotta get all defensive on me.”

“Well, I’m just sick of everyone assuming shit about me!”

“JC, you brought that upon yourself.  Look at the way you acted after she left.  I mean what are we supposed to think.  You claim for months on end that you don’t care about her like that, and then in like a split second you change your mind.  Then you go on this all out search for her and shit.  I mean I think you went WAY overboard with going out to Indiana looking for her.  Did you really think that she was going to make it that easy for you?”

“I wasn’t really thinking at the time.  All I knew was that I had fucked up royally and I wanted to bring her back.  That’s ALL I was thinking about.”

Justin looked at JC seriously.  “Why did you let it get that far in the first place?  Why wasn’t you just honest with her from the beginning?  It woulda saved you both a shit load of heartache.”

“I can’t explain it, J.  I mean it’s like I always knew she was special to me.  But I didn’t really understand how she was special until she walked away from me that night.  I knew I loved her.  I never denied that I loved her, just the way I loved her.  But I think I just wasn’t ready to admit it to myself.  After everything that happened with Bobbie, I just wanted some time to be free.  Ya know?  I guess I just kinda assumed that she would always be there.  That I had time to figure everything out.  Had time to have some time to myself.  But I was SO wrong.” he said looking down at his food.

“I knew you was in love with her.  I guess that’s why I was so hard on you.  I was trying to make you see it and admit it.  To bad you’re so damn stubborn!” he smirked.

“Well, if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black!” JC snorted.

“HUH?” Justin gave him a puzzled look.

“Never mind.  I just meant that you’re one to talk.  You’re as stubborn as they come!”

“That I am!  I openly admit that I’m stubborn, but I also know when to draw the line and admit defeat.  And you, my friend went WAY over that line with Abby.”

“Don’t I know it.” he paused.  “If I had only handled things differently.” JC sighed.

“Yeah, if only.” Justin agreed.
 

Abby was sitting on the sofa in her living room staring off into space.  Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts.  Thoughts she was trying to forget.  And thoughts she was still trying to make sense out of after all the time that had passed.  Of course those thoughts revolved around JC and the friendship she had once shared with him.

She remembered all of the good times they shared together.  Their time spent developing the pictures from Challenge for the Children in her darkroom.  The way he seemed so eager to learn about her passion.  A soft smiled appeared on her face as she recalled telling him he was like a kid in a candy store or something.

They had so many wonderful memories together.  So many good times.  Even when things were horrible in her life after Mark had died, she still had wonderful memories of JC and the rock he proved to be for her during that time.  But along with all of those good memories she also held the bad ones.  Which in a sense weren’t really bad memories for her.  Just painful ones.

Remembering the times they had been together.  When their friendship had hit some kind of new level.  How amazing she had felt being in his arms.  How gentle and caring he always was.  The way he knew her and how to be with her.  Everything about it was perfect.  Well, everything except for that minor detail of how he had reacted to the situations.  And how he had proclaimed only friendship to her.

To that very day she was still confused about him and his true feelings.  Somewhere in her heart she knew that he loved her more than a friend.  She knew there’s no way he could have been the way he was without there being more.  But she would never understand why he denied it as profusely as he had.

And to only add to her already confused state of mind when it came to him, she now had his album and some very sensitive songs that she could only wonder about.  Some of the situations and things that were spoke of and said in his music hit a little to close to home for her.  She got the distinct feeling that perhaps they were about her.

But if that were the case it only meant that he had felt the same way the whole time.  That he had lied to her.  The thoughts were all so confusing in her head that she couldn’t make heads nor tails out of them.  She found herself even more angry with him thinking that he had been lying to her the whole time.  Yet another part of her was telling her it was stupid to be angry because she already knew.  It just didn’t make any sense.

And then there was her run in with him in January at the mall.  The way he looked at her.  She could have sworn she seen longing in his eyes.  Which made her relieved and utterly terrified at the same time.

Relieved to know that he wanted her.  That he missed her.  That he cared and loved her and wanted her back in his life.

And terrified because she knew that she had a new life.  She had moved on.  Some might say it all happened rather quickly.  And in all honesty it had. But she knew that JC had more power over her than any man she had ever known.  And that scared her.  It terrified her.  Because she had a new life.  A family.  And she knew if he made his presence known around her she wouldn’t be able to deal with the feelings that would surely follow.

It was hard enough to block him out of her mind and heart when he wasn’t around, let alone him showing up in her life again.  Being around her.  Being near.  Near enough for her to touch.  And if she had assumed correctly about the songs on his album then that meant he wanted her.  And that he felt the same way.  She knew there was no way she would be able to push him away.  So where would that leave her and her new family?  She hoped she would never have to find an answer to that question.

She was startled from her thoughts when Tommy sat down next to her and placed a concerned hand on her shoulder.  “Abby, are you ok?” he asked looking her over.

“I’m fine, Tommy.  I was just thinking about some things is all.” she gave him a tight smile.

“You’ve been acting really strange lately.” Tommy pointed out.  “Is there something you need to tell me?  Or something you need to talk about?  Anything I can do to help?”

Abby smiled.  Tommy was a  sweet guy.  Always so caring and always wanting to help in some way.  She wished he could help her with the issues she held bottled up inside.  He had helped her in so many ways since they had come together.  But she knew this was one thing he would not be able to help her with.

“No, everything’s fine.  Like I said I was just thinking.  Work was crazy today.  Just rehashing it in my head.” she lied.

“Oh, well ok.   But if you change your mind and you want to talk about it.  You know I’m here.” he gave her a knowing look as he got up from the sofa and disappeared down the hallway.

Abby watched his retreating back until she could no longer see him.  “Why does my life always have to be so damn complicated?” she asked herself aloud.

She looked down at her daughter as she laid sleeping amongst her toys.  She had played so hard she had fallen asleep with one of her many blocks in her tiny hand.  Abby stared at her silently and just watched her sleep.  She was the most precious thing she’d ever laid eyes on in her life.  She knew this would make a particularly good picture, but she was too wrapped up in the moment of just watching the serenity of her daughters peaceful slumber to move from her spot to get her camera.

She couldn’t help but wish that she always felt as peaceful as she did at that moment just watching Kylie.  But unfortunately that wasn’t the case.  Her mind would always find a way to stir things up.  She really wished there was an off switch for her thoughts.  That would have come in handy several times.  Especially over the last couple of years.  Or more specifically since she had met the infamous JC Chasez.
 
 
 
 

Chapter 3

“Come on, Joe.  Just tell me!” JC pleaded.

“We’ve had this SAME conversation for the last two days.  And the answer is still NO!” Joey growled.  “Give up already!  I’m not tellin’ ya!”

“But you have to tell me!  I already know she’s in Vegas.  Why can’t you just give me her damn phone number and address?  I know you know what they are, so that lie isn’t going to work!”

“What did I tell ya last week?” Joey asked looking around to the other guys that were sitting there helplessly watching the ordeal.  “Didn’t I say he was gonna do this?” he continued.

“So he wants to see her, what’s the big deal?” Chris defended.  He was not about to deny the fact that he wanted JC to get with Abby.  He missed Abby and had thought she was a very sweet girl.  And he could see first hand how much JC loved her.  And if JC wanted to go see her, he thought Joey should tell him how to go about it.  Who cared if she was married and had a child.  He knew Abby still loved JC.  She had to.

“Chris, you are NOT helping me here.” Joey growled.

“Who said I was trying to help you?” Chris questioned.

“See!  Even Chris thinks it’s a good idea!” JC stated.

“Oh, yeah.  And I’m supposed to think that’s a good thing.” Joey shook his head.

“Joe, just tell him already.  He’s been at you for the last two days and personally I’m sick of hearing it.  And I wouldn’t mind knowing where she is either so I can go out there and give her a nice big piece of my mind.  She can call you but she can’t call me!  What kind of shit is that?” Justin pouted.

“If I give him her address and phone number, SHE WILL KILL ME!  What part of that do you guys NOT understand?  I promised her!  Would you want me to give up your info to people if they continuously nagged at me for days on end?  You’d be super pissed if I did that to you!”

“This is different and you know it, Joey.” Lance conceded.

“Oh, God!  Not you too!” Joey threw his hands up in the air and began to make is way out of the room they were sitting in.

JC was on his feet and standing in the doorway before Joey could even get there.  “Just tell me, Joe.  You know you want to.  I need to talk to her.  I’m not going to try to break up her marriage or whatever it is that you THINK I’m gonna do.  I just wanna see her.  Talk to her.  She was my friend before any of that crazy shit between us started happening.  I miss her.  I want to see her.  I want our friendship back!  Why can’t you understand that?” JC continued to plead.

Joey let out a long sigh and looked up towards the heavens for strength.  “I understand what you are saying, but if I give you that information and she finds out I gave it to you, then she’s gonna be pissed at me.  She’s my friend too and I don’t want that.  Not to mention the fact that Kelly would absolutely murder me!  You cannot put me in that position, JC.  You cannot ask me to do that.”

“Joey, please.  I’m begging you here man.  I need to see her.  PLEASE!  I swear I won't tell her you gave it to me.”

“Oh, and if you just magically show up at her house or call her she’s going to KNOW I gave it to you.  There’s no other way for you to get it, C!  She’s not stupid.  You know that!”

“So I’ll wait until she goes out somewhere to approach her.  Make it seem like I’m just running into her again.  Where does she work?  I can just show up there?  Come on man you gotta help me out here.  I just want to talk to her.  I don’t like the way things were left between us.  I wanna make peace.  You are the ONLY person that can help me do that.  Just tell me, Joe.”

Joey stood there for a moment staring off into his friends blue eyes.  He could see the desperation there.  He could see the yearning.  He felt for his friend, he really did.  He knew how much JC loved Abby.  That was all to apparent by the way he had been acting over the last year and a half.  And even more so by the way he was begging and pleading with him over the last couple of days.

He wouldn’t admit it to anyone else.  Or to JC even, but he had purposefully planted those thoughts of JC bothering him for the information as to where Abby lived and how to reach her.  He had intentionally said those things to JC to give him the idea to do it.  The only reason he was holding out was so that it would appear he didn’t want to give him the information.  He knew he had to give in sooner or later, or his plan would fall to pieces.  So he surmised this was as good a time as any.  Especially, when he was staring at complete desperation in his friends eyes.

“Fine!” Joey finally stated.  “Call me later tonight and I’ll give you her info, I don’t have it with me.  And I swear JC, if you tell her that you got it from me I will personally kill you with my own two hands.  You got me?”

“Loud and clear!” JC smirked.

“Wipe that smirk off your face before I change my mind.”

JC quickly sobered up.  “Sorry.”

“Yeah, I bet you are.” Joey snorted before walking around JC and leaving.
 

( 1 week later )

JC sat in his hotel room lost in thought.  Trying to plan out how he was going to approach Abby.  Joey had given him her phone number, her address, and the info on where she worked.  But JC didn’t want to just call her, because well that would be too obvious.  And he didn’t want to show up at her job either, because chances were she wouldn’t be able to talk to him.  And that’s what he wanted.  He desperately wanted to just talk to her.

He wanted to try to some way make amends for everything he had put her through.  He knew she had her own life now, but he honestly wanted her back as a friend.  If he couldn’t have her as anything more, he at least wanted her friendship.  He had never lied to her or anyone before about how much her friendship had meant to him.

So he sat there going over several different ideas in his head on how he could approach her.  Nothing he was coming up with seemed to work.  He had a strong urge to just show up at her doorstep, but knew that wouldn’t go over very well either.  And again it would be obvious that Joey had told him where to find her.

The last option he found himself left with after literally hours of sitting there just thinking about it, was to just go to her apartment and wait on her to leave.  That way he could follow her somewhere out in public where he could then approach her and make it look as though he was just in town and it had been a mere coincidence.

He decided he would put it off until the following day since it would be a Saturday.  He knew from what Joey had told him that she was working Monday through Friday at one of the local casinos taking photographs of the guests and so forth.  That disturbed him.

Mainly because before she left California.  Before she left him.  She was really starting to branch out on her own.  She had a ton of clients and was making really good money just doing freelance photo shoots and things of that sort.  So to know that she had resorted to working for someone else, when she could be working for herself, it really bothered him.

He settled into his room, deciding to spend the rest of the day relaxing and figuring out exactly what he was going to say to her when he got the chance.  Not to mention doing his fair share of praying that when she seen him approaching her that she would not turn and walk the other way.
 

JC had literally been sitting in the parking lot of Abby’s apartment complex for three hours.  He hadn’t seen any signs of her or anyone else coming or going from her apartment.  And he was beginning to give up hope of that particular plan working out.

Finally he noticed her the front door opening.  He slouched down in his seat a bit, not that he really thought anyone would be looking for him to be sitting there.  And he was after all sitting across the parking lot, not even remotely close enough for her to make out that it was him if even if she did notice someone sitting in the SUV.  But he slouched all the same.  He was new to this whole stake out thing he had going on.

He watched as the door opened partially and then no one came out.  But then finally after a long moment the door opened the rest of the way and Abby came walking out of the apartment carrying a small pink and white bag with her.  He assumed it was the baby’s bag.

Immediately following her out was Tommy carry the small child.  JC inwardly groaned at seeing him.  If they went out together it would make it very hard for JC to approach her.  He didn’t know anything about the man.  And he didn’t want to get into an altercation with him either.  He just wanted to talk to Abby.  And if he tagged along on her little outing then that would definitely complicate things for him.

JC watched as Tommy placed the little girl in the backseat of the Cavalier he assumed to be Abby’s.  After he had secured the child, he leaned back out of the car and shut the door turning to Abby.  He would have given ANYTHING for some form of super hearing powers or some kind of a device so he could hear what they were talking about, but unfortunately he had none of those things so he resorted to reading their body language.

He found comfort in the fact that they didn’t seem to be a real touchy feely couple.  At least not out in public.  Of course that was more for his own selfish reasons there.  But he was thoroughly pleased with their interaction, as he watched Abby climb into the car after their conversation ended and Tommy shut her door then made his way back towards the apartment.  He didn’t even hug her goodbye.  Let alone kiss her.  Again JC was glad for that, because he wasn’t sure if he could have sat there and watched that take place.

JC waited for Abby to back out of her space and head for the exit before he started his car and began to follow her.  He didn’t want to get to close for fear she would notice him, and he didn’t want to get to far behind for fear he would lose her.

He followed her for about a half hour.  She stopped at a gas station to put gas in her car, and then from there she headed for a local shopping center.  He parked a row over from her and quite a few spaces down so she wouldn't see him, and waited on her to get out of her car.

Once she had grabbed a nearby shopping cart and had the child all strapped in, she proceeded to head for the store.  It was then that JC finally exited his vehicle and leisurely began to follow her from a good distance back.

On his way into the store he grabbed a shopping cart himself, and began to throw small things in it as he followed her throughout the store.  He needed to give the appearance that he too was there shopping.

JC followed her to the children’s department and while she was over there looking at things and picking up things he assumed she needed for Kylie, he submerged himself in the men’s department across the isle from where she was at.

Once she left the children’s department JC continued to follow her as she made her way over to the women’s department.  He was mentally running several different ideas through his head about what he was going to say when he finally decided to take the notion to approach her.

He was really getting nervous about the whole thing.  Abby was one of those people that was hard to predict.  You never knew how she was going to react to things and that’s what worried him.  He didn’t want her to run away from him.  He just wanted to talk to her.

JC faltered a bit when he seen her make her way into the lingerie section.  Now this was something he could not stand by and watch.  He could NOT stand there and watch her buy lingerie she was going to wear for her husband.  That right there brought upon a ton of thoughts he did not want to have, let alone think about.  He decided in that moment, that this was it.  This was the moment he had been waiting for it was now or never.

He slowly began to approach her, but the closer he got the more nervous he became.  He was suddenly beginning to second guess himself for choosing this particular department to approach her in.  Yup, he was chickening out.

He paused for a moment when he noticed her moving towards the isle.  Now she was literally standing on the edge of the isle with her cart parked right there only a few feet in front of him, while she continued to look through a rack of lingerie.

He quickly decided the lingerie department was NOT the place to approach her and began to walk past her.  He figured he would move on down the isle and wait for her to go to a different department.  But as he began to pass the cart, where Kylie was sitting happily playing with one of her toys she looked up at him and laughed then throwing her toy towards him, where it bounced off of his arm and fell to the floor.

JC froze.  Abby had her back to him but apparently she had caught what the child had done out of the corner of her eye as she quickly fumbled to place what she was looking at back on the rack to turn around.  Thinking quickly JC bent over to pick up the offending toy from the floor.

Abby was completely mortified that her child had just thrown something at someone and began to apologize over and over again.  “Oh my God!  I am SO sorry about that.  I have no clue what has gotten in to her….” she stopped speaking when JC stood back up and outstretched his hand to give the child back her toy.

“It’s ok.” he smiled warmly at her.

“JC?”
 
 
 

Chapter 4

Abby stood staring at JC blankly for a moment.  Of all people to turn around and have right there, it just had to be him.  She didn’t know what to say.  What to do.  So all she did was stand there.

“Hey, Abby.” he continued to smile at her.

Abby came out of her stupor.  “Wha…What are you doing here?” she stuttered.

JC chuckled a bit.  It was now time for him to put on the act of his life.  He nodded towards his shopping cart, then looked back at her.  “What’s it look like I’m doing?  I’m shopping.  What are YOU doing here?” he joked.

Abby smiled at his playfulness.  She missed that.  Hell, she missed him period.  “Shopping.”

“I see that.” he smiled.

“Ok, so it was a stupid question.  Sorry.” she rolled her eyes at him.

JC was feeling rather at ease so far with their interaction.  She was actually joking with him and she didn’t act as if she was going to run away from him.  Or like she was going to freak out on him and make a scene.  That gave him a little bit of courage.

“Sooooo…..shopping for lingerie?” he eyed her.  That was probably the stupidest question he could have asked but he couldn’t help himself.

Abby looked back at the rack behind her and her cheeks blushed profusely.  She was obviously embarrassed he had caught her looking at such intimate things.  She shrugged and finally answered his question.  “Not for me.  For Mahogany.  She’s getting married in a little over a month and I’m throwing her a Bridal Shower.  I wanted to get her something for the honeymoon.” she smiled.

Relief washed over JC’s body.  It wasn’t for her, it was for Mahogany.  He suddenly wanted to drop to his knees and thank the lord above.  “Oh.” he paused.  “Um…she marrying that Robbie guy?”

“Yeah, she’s marrying Rob.” Abby smiled.  “He’s a great guy.”

“Well, please tell her I said congratulations.”

“I will.” Abby smiled and then looked at him oddly as if it had just struck her. “What are YOU doing in the lingerie department?”

JC froze up for a brief second.  He had momentarily forgotten where he really was and he quickly looked around for some kind of an excuse as to where he was coming from.  He eyed the shoe department up the isle a little way, in the direction he had been heading and decided to use that.  “I was headed for the shoe department.”

“Shoe department?” Abby continued to eye him skeptically.

“Yeah.  I wanted to get a pair of flip flops.  I must have left my other pair at the last hotel I was staying in, because I can’t find them anywhere.” he lied.

“Oh.” she said with a little nod, then looked back up at him.  “So what are you doing in Vegas?”

Now came the excuse he had been working on over and over again in his hotel room the whole day before.  “Do you know who George Maloof is?”

“Yeah, he owns the Palms.  Everyone knows who he is.”

“Well, he’s a friend of mine and he’s got this thing going on and invited me and Lance out for it.  So here I am.  Although, Lance couldn’t make it.  He had some other stuff to do.”

“Well, aren’t you kinda off the beaten path.  I mean we’re not anywhere near the strip or near the Palms.  Why’d you drive all the way out here to go shopping for flip flops?”

“Well, hello Abby.  I didn’t want to get mobbed.  So I asked the clerk at the hotel and she gave me directions to this place.  Said it’s not as loaded with tourists and stuff.” he shrugged trying to play off his lie.

“Yeah, this area out here isn’t as busy as downtown.” she surmised.  “Well, I better get going.  I have some other places I need to go and I’ve got plans later on tonight.  It was nice seeing you again.” she stated and began to walk away.

“Abby, wait!” JC panicked.  This was NOT the way things were supposed to go.

She turned and looked at him.  “Yeah?”

“Do you think we could go get a bite to eat or some coffee or something?” he asked timidly.

“I don’t know, JC.  Like I said I’ve got a lot to do today.”  She wanted to spend more time with him, but she knew that wouldn’t be a good thing.  At least not for her.  It would only make the craziness that had been storming around in her head for the last few months since she seen him the last time even worse.

“Come on.  Just a quick cup of coffee or something.  I just wanna catch up with you.  Talk a bit.  Please?” he begged.

“Ok, fine.  But it’ll have to be quick.  I have a lot to do.” she gave in.  Partially from his pleading but more because she just really wanted to be near him.

“Great!” he smiled.  “I’m gonna run over grab those shoes and then when you’re done we can check out.”

“I’m done actually, so I’ll just follow you.”

“You’re not gonna get that thing?” he questioned nodding towards the rack of lingerie.

“I’ll pick her up something later.”

“OK, let’s go.” JC beamed.  He was overwhelmingly happy that she had agreed to have a cup of coffee with him.  Things were going great as far as he was concerned.

They made their way to the shoe department.  JC quickly picking out a pair of flip flops to cover his story and then they both made their way to the front of the department store to check out.

When they got outside JC told Abby he would follow her to the little coffee shop she had told him about while they were standing in the checkout line.  So they both loaded up in their vehicles and made their way a few blocks down the street to a quaint coffee shop.

Once inside they found a small table in the back of the nearly vacant shop and were seated.  Abby settled Kylie into a high chair and placed a few of her small toys on the table in front of her to occupy her while she and JC had their little talk or catch up or whatever he wanted to call it.

The waitress came and took their order and then left them to retrieve the coffee and pastries they had ordered.  She returned a few moments later, just as Abby and JC were starting to talk about what they had been up to.

When the waitress left them alone again, JC looked over at Kylie who was happily playing with her toys.  “She’s getting big.  How old is she now?” he asked.

Abby smiled as he looked at her daughter.  “She just turned one last month.”

“Oh, really.  April, huh?  What day?” he asked.

“April fourth.” Abby said still watching her daughter.

“She looks a lot like you.  Her hair and everything.” JC stated while still watching the child.

Abby stared at Kylie and then looked up at JC.  “Yeah, I guess she does.”

“I guess she got her blue eyes from Tommy.  They definitely have your shape though.” JC said still studying the child.

Abby was becoming very uncomfortable with the way he was studying Kylie, so she decided to change the subject.  “So how are the guys?”

He switched his attention for Kylie to Abby.  “They’re good.  Getting ready for the new album release.  We just finished it up last week, so it’s been sent to production now.”

“That’s good.  I’ll have to buy it when it comes out.” she stated taking a sip of her steaming coffee.

“You don’t have to buy it.  If you want I can have a copy sent to you before it’s even released.” he offered.

Abby smiled at him.  “That’s ok.  I’ll do my part for the record sales and buy it like all the other fans do when it comes out.”

“Well, if you change your mind just let me know.” he shrugged.

They settled into a fairly basic conversation.  JC telling her about some of the songs he and Justin had written for the new album.  And that even Chris and Lance had contributed to some of the writings on this album.  He was telling her how it was going to be a lot different than the things they had done in the past.

He went on to ask Abby about where she was working and how she was liking that.  Mildly questioning her about why she had given up her freelance work.  She explained that with Kylie she just didn’t have a lot of time for that kind of work.  So she was just doing this until Kylie got a little older.

They had been sitting in the coffee shop talking for almost an hour when JC decided that enough chit chat had ensued and it was time for him to bring up what he really wanted to talk to her about.  How things had ended.

“You know Abby, I just want to apologize for how everything ended up.” he said out of nowhere and Abby looked up at him with surprised eyes.

“It’s ok JC, you don’t need to apologize.” she said hoping he would leave it at that.  WRONG.

“No, I really do.  I screwed up big time and I’m really sorry.  I know I really hurt you and…”

Abby cut him off.  That was the last thing she wanted to talk about.  She was suddenly realizing that having coffee with him was a VERY bad idea.  “Just stop, JC.  I don’t really want to talk about that.”

“But I want to apologize.” he protested.

“You’ve apologized.  Now leave it at that, please.”

“Abby…” he sighed.  “I can’t leave it at that.  I know I screwed up.  I really hurt you, and I feel horrible about that.  I wish I could go back in time and make everything right.”

“But you can’t.  So just drop it!” she said growing frustrated.

“I can’t drop it, Abby.  I don’t want to leave things the way they are.  I want you back in my life.  I can’t deal with the way you left me.”

“The way I left you?  You make it sound like we were in a relationship or something.”

“Well, we were.  We had a friendship.  Friendship is a relationship.” he paused.  “And we kinda had more.”

Abby looked at him in disbelief.  “OK, I gotta go.  I knew this was a bad idea.” she said as she started to get up from the table.

JC quickly reached across the table and grabbed her hand.  “No, sit down.  I’m sorry!  I just felt the need to express to you that I’m sorry about the way things ended.  I wish things were different.  I want you back in my life.  I miss you.”

Abby looked around the small coffee shop.  She noticed their waitress whom was standing behind the counter was eyeing her oddly, so she sat back down with a slight huff.  “You should have thought about those things before, JC.” she said softly.

“I didn’t tell you to leave, Abby.  I never wanted you to leave.  You don’t honestly think that’s what I wanted do you?” he questioned, gripping her hand tighter when she tried to pull it away.

“You KNOW why I left, JC!” she glared at him.

“Honestly, I don’t.  I mean I know you were upset with me and you were hurting.  But we had worked through all of that before.  Things could be so different now if you would have stayed.  The things you said to me that night really made me realize a few things…”

She cut him off.  “Yeah, well you should have spoke up then when I gave you the chance.  But instead you sat there and told me…” she stopped.  “You know what I’m not even gonna get into this with you.  It’s over.  It’s done.  It’s in the past.  I have a new life now and all of that stuff from back then doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter that I love you?  That I’m IN love with you? You bought my album.  You told me that.  If you’ve listened to that album then you know how I feel.”

“Yeah, well you decided to vocalize those feelings a little too late didn’t you?  I’m married for God sakes!  What do you want me to do, JC?  Do you want me to just give everything up I have now, and run to you?  I can’t do that!” she said angrily.

JC looked at her for a moment.  He was growing frustrated with how things were going.  And then she had to go and bring up her marriage.  He couldn’t understand how she could move on so quickly with someone else if she was SO in love with him, the way she had claimed to be.  “About that.” he said.

Abby sighed inwardly to herself.  She could tell by his tone she wasn’t going to like what he was about to say.  She really didn’t need this right now.  “What about it?”

“How