2001: Things Never Get Easier

It's been about....two and a half weeks now, since I came back from the Bahamas and I've been having some trouble. I hadn't been able to get in touch with Montez because I think he had already left to Puerto Rico for the holidays. On top of that, I could not stop thinking about JC. I missed him more than I would ever admit. This new dynamic in our relationship was still fairly ripe. I could manage not getting phone calls or not seeing him for awhile, but that was when I knew the second I saw him or heard his voice, that was different. Maybe if I go in the mirror and say JC three times, he'll appear. Actually...

"JC, JC, JC," I recited. "I'm delus--"

The doorbell rang and stopped me dead in everything I was doing. JC? I pretty much did the 100-yard dash to the door. The number of times I almost fell and ended my life? We don't even have to go there. I shook out my hair and wiped down my shirt. I took a few large deep breaths and opened the door with ease. I didn't want it to look like I was expecting him; which if you think about it, I wasn't.

JC stood there, with a tiny smirk on his face, and his highlighted curls blowing across the top of his forehead. I simply stepped aside for him to come in. Wait he just rang the doorbell. He RANG the doorbell. I didn't come downstairs and have him randomly in the kitchen. This was weird, I am not going to get used to this sudden outpouring of family becoming guests.

I lagged behind as he walked into the kitchen. I had the urge to come up from behind and wrap my arms around him. Neither of us spoke. It felt like there was nothing to say, but it was the exact opposite. There was too much to say and from the looks of it, he didn't want to speak on it as much as I didn't.

"Hi," I finally said.

JC smiled. "We walked from the front door all the way to the kitchen and that was the best you could come up with?"

"I was still in shock from seeing you and realizing you rang the doorbell," I teased.

"Oh ha ha, I only did that because I left my key at home," he said.

"Knew it was too good to be true."

"Shut up."

I smiled and went to go grab bottles of juice from the fridge. I could cry and kiss JC right now. The effort he puts in to try and make things less awkward, I wouldn't know how to begin thanking him. I only wanted us to be able to have fun and laugh like we used to before all the bullshit between us started. I don't know how well this will go, though.

"How have you been?" I asked, handing him a bottle.

"I've been doing well, just soaking up the time I have from work, is all. What about you?"

"I've been okay. I'm in the process of winding down for Thanksgiving break and a few days away from school."

"That's great. Ooh, I can actually smell Mama's sweet potato pie," JC drooled.

"Well, you know if you play your cards right, I might ask my mom to make one or two specially for you," I said.

"I would give you my right arm if you could make that happen," he chuckled. "Hey come here."

I scrunched my eyebrows at first, but walked over to JC. He stood up and put his arms around me, bringing me closer for a hug. My body's natural reaction to him, hugged back. I could feel the bottom of his chin against the top left of my head, and his fingers combing through my hair. What was happening? What was his next move?

"Jace."

"I miss you, Zahra. I miss my friend, and I want to hug her," he said. Knowing exactly how to put the worry in my voice at ease. I held him a bit tighter.

"Do you really? You miss me?" I asked.

"Yes, of course I do. But I wanted to respect your wishes, so I gave you some space," he replied.

"I miss you all the time," I said. I didn't even hesitate or think about not saying it before I did. It just came out.

JC pulled back from our hug and looked at me. I don't blame him for not believing what actually came out of my mouth. His thumb wasn't caressing my cheek, he stopped touching my hair. With just the way he was staring at me, all these strong emotions began to fry my insides.

"In all of the years I've known you, that was the first time you thought out loud with your heart, and not your brain," he said quietly. I bit back the quiver in my throat. "Get out of the kitchen."

My jaw dropped. "What?!"

"Get out of the kitchen. You just let me take a brick from that solid wall you have up and now I have this insane feeling is rushing over me. I don't know what I'll do, so get out and don't come back until I call you. Go on, go."

I smacked him in his arm and started to walk out of the kitchen. But before leaving, something dawned on me. I leaned against the wall frame of the kitchen, and waited until JC's eyes were on me.

"What's the matter?" JC asked.

"Nothing. I was only gonna tell you something before I left," I said.

"Okay, tell me."

"I'll be in the shower if you need me."

I saw that beastly lion awaken in his eyes. "Don't give away information you don't want used against you," JC warned.

"Maybe I want you used against me," I quipped as I began to walk back over to him.

"Fuck you, Zahra," JC said, biting his lip. He knew I was coming toward him, but wouldn't look at me.

"I really want you to." I forced myself between him and the counter. He had this insane need for me, but it was nothing compared to the need I had for him. He truly had no idea how bad I was hoping for him to sex me right here on the countertop.

"I hate you so much right now," he smiled, trying to move away. I lifted my leg, and wrapped it around him. I heard him softly curse.

"Show me how much you hate me, babe."

JC was fighting himself so hard and I wanted him to stop doing it. I wanted him to just go with it, like all the times I went with it. I don't know if I could do this whole quitting JC thing. I don't think I can, especially not after our last moments together. JC was MY drug and I wanted another hit of him to keep me satisfied. I sank my hand between our bodies, and cupped my fingers around his erection. JC's eyes rolled up into his head. I got so turned on by it.

"Zahra, damn it!" he whispered.

I whispered something dirty into his ear and it was like watching a great empire to fall to pieces. His body shirked into mine and his fingers sank into my sides.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked.

"I want you to feel my lips all over your body," I answered.

"What happens if I give in, then?"

"You'll cum."

"Fuck," he uttered.

I could feel his breathing, it was if it steamed out of his nose. I gently massaged my fingertips across his erection, feeling him turn to stone beneath my touch. JC grabbed my hips tightly, and roughly lifted me into the air. He turned toward the island and dropped me onto the countertop.

"God damn it, Zahra!" he yelled, yanking my skintight stretch pants down to my ankles.

I wasn't wearing any underwear since I was actually planning to take a shower before he popped in. He barely pulled his own pants down all the way before he pulled his length from his boxers. I could barely even think about stopping JC, he already sank himself inside me. I screamed out in complete bliss. JC smacked his hands against the side of the island and cursed at me. He was so angry at how turned on I got him, and how I left him no choice but to get inside me.

His hips thrusts were deep and quick, one hand was gripped at the spot where my neck and shoulder connected while the other was wrapped around my thigh, forcing me into him. I had no room to be quiet, JC was doing this absolutely right and he was so sexy while he was at it. I gripped onto the sides of the countertop, feeling that sensation creep up on me from the tip of my head and down my spine. My toes began to curl, my fingernails began to scratch into the wood beneath, my moans started to rise, and JC's face looked the most fierce I'd ever seen it look before. His gaze was set on me. That split second it took me to meet his eyes, we were both wrapped up in each other's arms, gripping at clothing, gasping for breath as multiple orgasms overtook our bodies.

"Fuck.....fuck.....," I breathed.

JC pulled back and held both sides of my face. he came closer and stared at me. He was intense, it almost scared me how serious he looked.

"You do that to me again and you won't be able to walk for a week. I'll make you my girlfriend, Zahra. You will be tied down to me if you do that again and I am so serious. You know what you do to me and you know that wasn't fair. You know it. We're not doing this back and forth bullshit. We have sex again and we're in a relationship."

"I..."

"Don't wanna hear it. Now get upstairs and into the shower. I'll clean up down here."

I got off the counter, and pulled my bottoms back up. I was satisfied and bewildered, but amused. Wait what just happened? He's threatening me with a relationship? Am I that bad? Are we that bad? Jesus.

"Oh and Zee," JC started. I turned around and JC swept my body into his embrace, kissing me. "This was a misstep, not a step backwards. We acknowledge it and we continue on."

I nodded, and turned to head upstairs. Follow me. Follow me. But instead, I heard the front door close. I never once realized that while this is going to be difficult for me, it wouldn't be any easier for him. I hope I know what I'm risking here. I hope I know.