Why did I count the days? Because I made a bet with Whitney how long I could keep away without Justin saying a word. My other reason would definitely have to be the fact we don't use protection. I'm up for safe, but we just don't use them or feel the need to.

I sometimes feel like I owe Justin. Before I was going to lose my virginity, I told him to go to the clinic, and he did, after very long battles. They say the wait makes a man go crazy. Makes them actually think about each and every nasty thing they've done, and with who. I could see it in Justin. Him changing and going through that deep stage. From then, I think we just have this trust between us that is strong when it comes to us being sexual. I would like to use condoms. That is what got me pregnant, we didn't use one.

Justin ain't like those guys that say 'we don't need it'. He will use it if I ask, or now and then. It's the heat of the moment which gets us in trouble.

"What you thinking about?" Justin whispered, kissing my arm. He opened his eyes, yawning. He turned to face me properly, leaning on one of his arms. "Justin, we should use condoms."
He smiled cheekily, his fingertips gently tapping my waist. "We should, shouldn't we?"
"Yes. I'm not going to be a mom to two children at 18, Jay" I warned him.
"Alright. Did you have one today?" he asked smartly, already knowing the answer.
"No."
"Well, no argument there."
"You want me to carry 'round a condom? Justin, do you know how many ideas people will get?"
He looked at me, shocked. "Don't carry them then. I will. Shit Kay, you can never be a loser."
"No baby, I can't. What's with the drawing? I don't remember agreeing to that."
He sat up to look, then slumped back down sighing. I still looked at the drawing it was really good, professional sort of.

"Some kid owed me money... don't ask. I saw you and I knew he could draw, so I told him to sit there and draw me a portrait of you. It was going to be a present, but I liked it, so I kept it. I think it's you with your arty museum that's got me into pictures."
"The candles?" I questioned next.
"Candles are sexy. It gets you in the mood" he whispered, kissing my neck softly. I shuffled away from him.
"Is that a Spelling Bee trophy, Justin?" I wrapped a sheet around me to go see it in his wardrobe.
He took the next sheet and got out quickly. "Kay, I tell you, stop looking for geek shit."
"How do you know?" I asked, but he gripped my waist.
"Your eyes search every corner of my room." he guided me back to the bed, sighing.
"Justin, you know you will always be my geek."
"I regret telling you."
"Aww, come on baby. I'm sorry. You're still thuggish to me."
He rolled his eyes, grabbing my thigh. "Kieele, you're such a dork." he laughed, running fingers through my hair.
"Justin, you're a geek."
"You're gonna regret that, Kay."

He was just about to get me when we heard shouting downstairs. Justin got out of the bed, putting some shorts on, and headed down the stairs. I decided to put my clothes on. When I saw what I looked like, I changed and opened his wardrobe. Half of his things were missing, and there was a suitcase. I ignored it to put clothes on. I wonder what's that for? I walked downstairs. There were more voices.

I heard Whitney crying. "Whit!" I called.
She looked up and ran to me for a hug.
"What's going on?" I asked her, but she was in a state. Justin was collecting things in a rush, and that's what worried me the most, "What are you doing? What's happened?"
"Rory went 'round your place and went for Whitney."
"OMG, did he rape her?"
"No. He got knocked out, but we all need to go."
"What? Why? Justin, talk to me!" I let go of Whitney as she went to Danny.

"Kieele, go home. Get all your things."
"All my things ain't gonna fit in a suitcase."
"Kieele, I had it planned. Just not this soon. A black truck will come by and take all your things for storage."
"For how long?" I asked. I may not have known much about it, but I knew they weren't going to be there for a whole day.
"However long I want it. I'm going to get Junior. You have by 6, then meet me by our blue spot."
"Blue spot?" I questioned. I should've asked more info about a blue spot, or for Justin to actually tell me where.

"Kay, you know. Just sort your shit now."
I looked at him, but he carried on collecting his things. Whitney was wiping away her tears, trying to calm down, but everything just wanted to make her cry. I didn't understand. Justin wanted to leave town. Were we leaving because trouble might start? I did as I was told. This was the time that I didn't argue. I'm happy, I'm leaving, but I didn't like the circumstances. Whitney was attacked and we only briefly spoke as we drove in the car. She told me she knocked him out with a pot, and Danny took the body somewhere.

Whitney and I didn't waste time. We didn't know how this would go down, but we just had to do what they said. Questions went through our minds, like was everyone going together? Did everyone want to leave? Ray had a good job, but he always said he had jobs lined up and could move all his things in a flash. The truck was there before us, and four men helped us take everything. Chairs, carpets, cups. We didn't have to leave anything behind. No conversation was started between them and us. I did wonder how Justin got this, or any of them. I thought about Justin with Junior all afternoon and it did bring a smile on my face.

It began to hit me that I had absolutely no clue what was meant by blue spot. What's a blue spot? I understand hot spot, but not blue! Why did Justin have to be puzzles? Blue water is the river where he works. Blue. Shit, he was called blue once. His favourite colour is baby blue, but that doesnÕt help.

I went into labour at the park in the evening. Does evening mean blue? The sky becomes blue. Great, now I sound stupid! Alright, so far I have the park, which is by the river. Blue! It's the park where most things happened. Where we used to stroll when the pain was really bad during the pregnancy. Where he took me for our first official kiss. We walked through the park on my prom.

At the Spot "Figure it out then?" he whispered, as I went to him for a hug.
"Before I went crazy. What's going on, Justin?" I asked, looking around at Ray, Danny with Whitney, Kenny and Michael.
"We're leaving, Kay. Aren't you happy?" he asked, cupping my face, making me look into his eyes.
"I am, but work, money, Junior, your dad..." I rambled. Something was telling me it wasn't going to work. You hear stories of other people getting out without money and having to live on the street for a while, and I can't, I have Junior. Child services will take him from me in a flash. IÕd rather stay until we knew we were certain.

"I'm going to get a job. Kay, I know we don't have the money in the world, but we'll work on it. Junior will be fine, and my dad has always wanted to get rid of me," he sighed. Taking my hands in his, he placed a sweet kiss on them each, then looked at me with his deep blue eyes. "I promised, Kay, and we're leaving, and I promise we'll do fine. We'll cope."
"I don't want to cope, Justin. I don't want to dread when the post man comes to give us our latest bills."
"You won't have to. I have enough money."
"From where?" he sighed again, but not looking at me. He glanced at his watch, then at me. He didn't want to tell me, so I didn't ask again.
"All I want, Kieele, is your trust. Give me that, and I will look after you."
I still wasn't happy. I stepped back from him. I pulled out an envelope from my back pocket giving it to him.
He opened it up, then closed quickly. He looked at me, shocked. "Shit! Kay, where did you get this money from?... Thousands!"
"I've been saving, Justin. Do what you have to do with it."
He put it down his jumper, giving me a kiss.

"What about Whitney?" I asked, as I saw her putting her bags in one of the trucks. Ray had already done my things.
"Danny is taking care of her. We got a plan, Kay. All of us."
"Are you in trouble?" I asked. Justin always vowed to me he would never get in big trouble, but I had the smallest doubt light flicking on about whether this was all the truth.

We gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way

"Nah, baby. Memphis will always be my home, but I gotta make a life with you two. The train ain't leaving without us anymore." I smiled slowly, registering what he just said to me. I was so proud of Justin. In that short time he wasn't a thug he was he was a caring father and boyfriend. He took my hand and led me to the car.

"Now, I've never seen the car before, and brand new!" I commented, sceptically. I ignored the suspicion behind it, happy to be leaving.
"Ray hooked me up," Justin laughed, getting in. I kissed Junior who was sitting in the back fast asleep.

So, remember we were driving, driving in your car
The speed so fast, I felt like I was drunk

We drove for hours, and it was now getting close to midnight. Justin was driving fast. Slightly faster than usual. I think he really wanted to get away. We passed Birmingham and were definitely going south. I always wanted to go Atlanta, but I don't think I was going to enjoy wherever we were going to stay first.

I drifted off to sleep, and woke up when I heard Junior crying. I was about to ask Justin to stop, when he began to sing. He would sigh now and then, probably remembering the life he had before his mom left, and his dad quit work, and his dreams were shattered. Junior giggled and laughed, enjoying the singing, and sooner or later fell asleep.

"Kay, wake up."
I sat up, looking around where we were. It wasn't the fanciest of places, but it wasn't a dump either, and I wasn't going to be picky.

The same morning, just later. Justin has been gone for hours. I would understand if we were in the city, but we're in the middle of nowhere. There is nothing around except a ghost place of a gas station. Junior has been crying for 20 minutes now, and I've run out of nappies.

"Come on, Justin, where are you?" I say to myself out loud. I'm still patting Junior to calm him down, but nothing will do. He needs diapers. I pace around the room, opening the curtains to see if Justin is coming, but there is no sign of him. My eyes trail over to my suitcase, and a nasty thought goes through my mind.

How do I know he hasn't gone off and left us? I know, how could I think that? But Justin does disappear.

"Junior, please!" I ask, almost begging. I hate to see Junior cry. I time 5 minutes and sigh, very pissed off now.

That's it! I need to find a store. I get my bag and the baby bag, slinging it over my shoulder, and walk to the door.

"Hey!" Justin cries, opening the door, making me jump.
"Don't 'hey' me!" I chuck my bag at him, but he's fast to catch it, then I chuck the baby bag.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he cries, giving me a bewildered look, which is understandable 'cause as soon as he came in, I was throwing heavy things at him.
"Me? Where the fuck have you been?!" I shout back.
"I told you, I went out."
"Where, Justin? This isn't working! Junior hasn't stopped crying for the past half hour!"
He put all his things down and takes Junior from me, and he settles just like that in his daddy's arms. Feeling very pissed off, I stamp towards the bathroom and slam the door.

"KayJay," he whispers my initials, coming in. He knows that name always makes me forgive him, but I turn around on the toilet seat, so I can't see him and he can't see me. He leans down resting his hands on my legs.
"Baby, I'm sorry," he whispers, stroking my legs.
I sniffle, wiping away the tears. He sighs, looking up at the ceiling, then back at me.
"Kay, I can't bear it when you don't talk to me."
"That's funny. You seem to ignore me when I call you."
"You just wanna start a fight," he tells me, smiling.
"What if I do, Justin? I understand this ain't going to be easy, but fuck, Justin, do you have to leave me on my own with no way of getting hold of you? I don't know if this is going to work."
"Kieele, don't say that. It is. I'm sorry. I bought diapers. I bought everything on that list you made."
"What list?"
"The one in the truck."
I didn't even tell him about it. I turn back around, smiling. I go weak when Justin surprises me like this.

"I hate you so much," I tell him, hitting his arm.
"Yeah, yeah, I never get too tired of hearing it." He pulls me into a hug then stands me up. "Come on, girl. We ain't staying here much longer. This place is a pile of shit."
I look round with my face squinted, nod, and laugh, happy we are going to leave. My eyes glance around, taking in the details of where I stayed, and my eyes take in a black object.

"Jay, kill it!" I cry, holding his arms right.
"Kill what?" he asked, looking around us.
"Kill it! The- " I point, stuttering.
"The what, K?"
"The fucking spider! Kill it!" I hit his arm to the direction, but the creepy thing was running my way. I jumped up on the closed toilet seat, screaming at Justin. He watches it, then grabs a towel to kill it. He looks up at me with a smirk on his face.

"It ain't funny. This place is horrible!" I whinge, shaking the creepy feeling of the spider.
"The shower's good."
I roll my eyes as he refers to us maybe using the shower together.
"Fuck, Kay! There is a big ass one behind you!" he warns me with a serious look on his face.
"OMG!" I jump down into Justin's arms. He's laughing so hard he could choke.
"Baby, I'm kidding." I slap his arm, then his chest, but he's still laughing.
"That shit ain't funny. You know I'm shit scared of spiders."
"You don't think I know? 'Kill it, Justin! Kill it!'" he mocked, but I don't find this funny. I look at him, pouting.

"I'm joking. You know I lo- care."
I nod, resting my head on his chest. He kisses my forehead, then leaves the bathroom quickly. I look at him escape. You know, you would think he said- OMG! Was Justin going to say what I think he was? I run out of the room, and find no Justin. I pout, then notice the door open. I walk out and find him standing against the wall with a cigarette in his hand.

"Justin, I thought you gave up."
"So did I." He looks at it, then pulls a long drag. Flicking it to the floor, he stamps on it, and kisses my forehead.

"Come on, Kay. Get your shit." He's so good at changing subjects, or knowing what your thinking, but saying something else.
"They ain't shit, Justin." I answer back. He just rolled his eyes and picked up Junior and his things.

One last drive, he promised. Just one. And Justin said this is our temporary home. I was more than happy. The place just needed brightening up, and with my arty skills, that could be done in a flash paint job here and there. Hand me down items for the time being.

It might just work.