Chapter 6 -Are We Meant For Eachother?
{Pre Warning: A lot Of Bad Language}
So here we are in our one bedroom flat. Justin and I fixed it up, brightened up the place and we did it quickly. The first few weeks were good; great in fact, we were like a proper family, spending as much time together, bonding, and all that jazz. I was happy Junior was happy. You have to understand before I tell you anything further that this was the first time Justin and I lived together.
Properly.
The whole in your face 24/7 was a first timer. We really did try, we tried for Junior we tried for each other but I could see in Justin that slowly he was distancing himself. Slowly, he wasn't happy anymore, I didn't even know if he was happy from the start.
Knowing him for a long time I knew Justin would like to go out without me and Junior tagging along so I did what I thought was the best.
I had just finished drying the last things when I placed the towel down walking to the living room sitting beside Justin who was lying down watching TV.
‘Baby, you know you can go out if you want, without me and Junior, we don't mind staying here' I tripped up on few words, as I've never told Justin he can go out.
‘Come again?' he asked turning the TV on mute and placing the remote on the arm rest. I sighed placing a hand on his thigh, I could feel that maybe what I said wasn't explained properly or said in a bad tone. Breathing in again I placed a smile on my face.
‘Justin go out you don't have to be here I'm fine' Justin sat up looking down at me
‘If I wanted to go out I would've' he answered shortly, I was shocked at first, he talked through gritted teeth in a cold tone. He had his reasons like first of who would he go with.? We hadn't been in contact with anyone! We all got new phones, new numbers but didn't put down each others. I hadn't spoken to Whitney since we packed our bags. Justin hadn't been in contact with his boys so I tried not to touch on the subject about our close friends. I looked up at Justin staring down hard at me and replied softly as I could.
‘I was just saying you can I wouldn't mind'
‘Course you wouldn't, you know you got your finger wrapped right round me, got yourself fucking pregnant just to piss your parents off' he was facing his whole body at me and if I didn't suddenly feel frozen and numb I would've definitely moved back.
‘Justin you-‘
‘Shut up I don't want to hear it, your right Kieele I should go out, right away from this fucking pathetic life we are trying to succeed when it aint us'
Of course it's us' he smiled but it wasn't a smile that could tell me things were okay it was more of a fox sly which scared me.
‘Fuck off, you really think I would spend day after day with you and that baby, come on Kieele, before me you were practically giving it away to any guy when I go I wont be surprised if you start calling some guy to come over trifling hoe' he stood up and stormed to the bedroom coming out just moments later with his gear on, I looked over at him hoping to see if he would stay when he saw how much he had hurt me, but when he didn't even glance back and just left I crumpled into a ball crying.
Baby, I don't know why your treating me so bad
You said you love me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is beatin for ya
I can't stop crying
I don't know how
I allow you to treat me this way and still I stay
Later that Night
After two whole hours crying and not being able to stop, I stood up looking round the home we had try to make the best we could but instead it was just turning us against each other. I went over his words bit by bit. Was he really that angry with me him calling me a trifling hoe. It actually meant nothing knowing the truth that I don't do that and yes he was right before I was a tease but it all changed when I was with him, he knew that. I looked outside but I couldn't go out there with Junior, I hardly knew the place. I looked at my phone, there was nobody to call, I was just left here on my own. I hated being on my own and he knew that. When he would go out of town or on some business, which rolled into the morning it just ate me up it was easier when Whitney was around but otherwise I couldn't stand it.
The whole moving away, starting over was crumbling apart, Justin could disappear for days at the drop of the hat and I always vowed to myself I wouldn't end up in a position where I was clueless about someone's whereabouts whether it was with Justin or any guy. I dragged my legs that had now felt like they were being weighed down by bricks and sat on the bed looking over at the cot where Junior lay.
I let go falling back on the bed and lay there thinking what could happen next. Where was I going to go if Justin never came back? Or if he did come back and he had done something stupid what would we do then, what the fuck was I going to do.
Next Morning
I woke up early in the morning looking into the mirror at my face, stained, blotchy all the effects you would expect after crying for so long. I pushed my hair back away from my face and I wasn't surprised by the look, I was angry, pissed and most of all I wanted to know the truth. Thinking about everything that happened the past 6 weeks my mind kept playing questions that I simply could not answer. Only Justin could.
I felt stupid most of all, my last thoughts saying what had I gotten myself into. I had no idea about anything that was happening. When was I going to see my family again? Are we still moving or is this it? I wasn't a person to complain when something good came my way as they don't always last long but these small good things felt like traps.
I showered and changed trying to relieve myself of the tensions inside my body, but hot water would never clear away the hurt Justin threw at me. I didn't know whether to expect him to be in there or not so I went on as if he was. I looked over to the kitchen to try and give me some time before I glanced over in the living room but my eyes failed me and they landed on a passed out Justin. A whole new anger surged through me and instead of saying or doing anything I simply decided to think a few bad words about him in my head. When cheat came to mind I paused thinking whether Justin would do that. Not very sure at the moment with what Justin could do or not I walked slowly towards him inspecting his body. It took me a few minutes as I kept walking back and fighting with my conscience.
Stepping close to him my nostrils flared as the strong stench of alcohol and cigarettes filled my senses. He must've had a great fucking time couldn't even land on the couch I thought angrily in my head. I just stared at his body not knowing what to look for. Perfume? Well the cigarettes would've blew that away a long time ago. Lipstick? Nope there was nothing glossy either. I began thinking about waking him up demanding answers about where he was like they do on Tv. I know I sound like a really bad detective girlfriend but it's not my fault my parents never fought or if they did I just was never around so I have no past examples or memories on going about this.
Revenge went through my head but I wouldn't be good at that, I walked away and got myself ready for Junior. I packed his things in his bags, the usual, milk bottle, water, diapers, even packing clothes in case there might be an accident and I would be gone a long day. I noticed Justin's wallet when I came back top the living room. Opening it up for cash I was surprised to se the wad that was in there and not spent over last night I took most of it and didn't care. I had called a Taxi all I had to was wait for them.
I kept my eyes on other places than the body lying there on the floor snoring loudly. I heard a beep outside and my body reacted quickly with a jump up to pick up my baby who was still sleeping. I left the flat quietly going down the stairs, which always freaked me out as it had that unsafe feeling to it. I could feel myself breaking emotionally but I didn't want to crumble apart and have to drag myself back so I held on till I got to the taxi where I was safer. I glanced up to the window before sitting in and shutting the door but I looked back out to the window to our apartment as I swear I could see a face. I saw Justin no doubt just staring at me, my eyes began to blur but I didn't focus on them to see a clearer view and turned away.
I dreaded falling asleep in the taxi not knowing where I was going specifically. I should've learnt more about states and towns but that's too late. I kept looking veer to Junior lying flat on his back and faintly smiled thinking about how my baby was a sleeper, I fed him, bathed and changed him and neither one woke him up fully he just went to sleep straight away.
Later...
I found myself sitting at a Cafe on my own, how pathetic can I get. I'm just staring at my full cup not even attempting to drink it. I haven't had coffee since before I was pregnant and boy was I a coffee kind of girl. But this, creamy hot mocha coffee, this couldn't even make me take a sip. My mind was going round like a whirlpool and soon my head felt dizzy and my neck rolled causing me to have to reach out and hold on to the table. My moves must've been obvious to people around me as I saw a man peer over his newspaper looking at me suspiciously then look back.
‘Is everything alright?' A woman asked who was sitting right in front of me reading a book she looked like she was in her mid 30's.
‘I'm fine ma'am' I answered
‘You from the south' I sighed and inside I had smile but not outside I usually giggle, smile and blush broadly knowing my accent is helluva thick one. But all my body had energy for was a nod, she glanced over at Junior who was teething on a toy to himself.
‘Is that your boy?' she asked smiling as a finger stroked his chubby cheek.
‘Yeah' I answered with a sigh.
‘Was he missing his daddy?' she asked next making me ponder for a few moments. What was she talking about? Then it hit me when Junior was crying earlier and wouldn't stop for a long time I had some customers sighing and shaking their heads but she had given me a sympathetic smile.
‘Yeah he probably was' my face fell and I stared at my coffee again
‘You sure everything alright it might help to talk about it' I looked up back at her one eyebrow raised she wouldn't know what she was in for.
She ordered me a nice fresh coffee and kindly forced me to drink it and that's when I let it all out. Well not everything but all that was bothering so far.
‘Well you gotta say to yourself do you want to be a teen mom on her own raising a baby?' she said cocking her head to the side smiling softly
‘I don't, I know if I don't sort it out that's where we are heading'
‘Indeed be a strong girl, ask your questions he owes you that'
‘Yeah' I whispered but it came out like a question and followed my heart with that to see if that's what I needed to do.
‘Yes of course don't you ever give up you hear'
‘Thank you'
‘No problem you enjoy the rest of your day' She stood up leaving money on the table and waved bye. I was stunned, I actually told a stranger everything I was going through, I'm a very conserved person my parents were people I hardly ever spoke to about things going on in my life and I do mean it when I say hardly ever it was always my older brother Kendall he was just like Justin into all the street things but before him. Kendall and I understood each other and he was someone I needed to talk to. Kendal was the definition of overprotective brother to the ace. But this woman had somehow knew what to say what to do as if she herself had been where I was, I mean come on you don't share a few tears with someone you randomly share a problem with.
I did enjoy the rest of my day just like she said that last line stuck with me like super glue. I got my nails cleaned and freshened up and my toes I even treated myself to watch some sappy love movie and as soon as the movie finished I realised the time and who would be at home once I got back.
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
At Home
When I opened the door I found Justin eating a good well cooked full plate of food, I was instantly suspicious, he could cook but he would never make what I was seeing on his own and my suspicions were right. Out walked a woman with a glass full of drink handing it to Justin then began smothering him, giggling, trailing her fingertips here and there and boy was she confident to bring his face, which was looking at the TV, to look at her. Justin looked back at her and I could see all his movements ceasing as if waiting for something to happen, his eyes though glanced to the door where I was standing- watching what was happening- he sat back shocked. I raised my eyebrows, as he didn't have the decency to even start explaining.
‘What's going on?' I demanded I had one reaction in mind that I wanted, but Justin's...hell no he just smiles sitting back as if everything was cool. I moved forward into the room placing Junior down softly. The woman who had said nothing but had a shocked expression left on her face began shrugging looking at Justin for help. Who was in fact going to offer none, my anger just rose as she tried to plaster an ‘everything will be fine' smile. Grabbing her wrist I dragged her ass towards the door seeing her purse on the way, I picked that up opened the door slung the purse to her chest then pushed her out and slammed the door shut.
I sighed once I saw the door fully shut, I never thought I would have the energy and strength to do that to a fully grown woman but she didn't manage to get time to struggle.
‘Why the fuck did you do that for?' Justin shouted placing his plate down
‘I asked what was going on nobody answered so I kicked her out'
‘Who are you to kick out someone I invited'
‘I thought I was the hoe' Justin stood up storming to the door and I managed to just edge myself in between.
‘What you going to call her in?'
‘Exactly you immature over jealous mad bitch' he spat out reaching for the door he looked up turned around to see me and I pushed him out shutting the door quickly. Just as I rest back on the door for support the pounding began on the door which made me jump forward. I did my best to ignore it but he wasn't going to give up too soon and yes I was already crying lying on the couch.
Baby, I don't know why ya wanna do me wrong (do me wrong)
See when I'm home, I'm all alone
And you are always gone
And boy, you know I really love you
I can't deny
I can't see how you could bring me to so many tears
After all these years
‘Kieele dammit open the door' he shouted he waited for an answer which I wasn't going to give and more pounding began.
‘Kieele I'm gonna leave your stubborn ass and you can do what you want' I began crying harder but it wasn't like there was sound, tears just fell, my body shook but I was silent. I forced myself to look back at the door. Justin knew how to pick a lock and good but he hadn't.
Later...
40 slow minutes passed and the knocking began again I wiped away any tears that fell freely and went to answer the door Justin or not I was going to try one more time and not give up. The surprise I had waiting at my door scared me frightened me in fact as two officers stood there looking at me with worried looks on their face.
‘How can I help?' I asked stumbling and stuttering over my words
‘Neighbours reported a disturbance. Ma'am is everything okay' I looked up to the sky blinking back any tears that I failed to keep tight grip on.
‘Fine is there anything else?'
‘Yes if you don't mind us asking exactly how old are you?'
‘18'
‘Right well if you see or hear anything let us know'
‘Okay'
‘We'll be searching around so-'
‘Thanks bye' I said quickly shutting the door.
Hour Later
Hour went by again and there was another knock at the door I dragged my feet back to the front door expecting to see the officers again only to find one pissed Justin Timberlake. My mouth opened to say something but I was nowhere near prepared for this.
‘Have you calmed your hissy fit down yet'
‘Don't talk to me like that'
‘You need to step back and let me in my house'
‘Only if your not gonna chat to me like shit' he looked at me and his eyes danced as if he was about to laugh when he suddenly pushed the door regardless of me standing in the way or not or whether it would hit me like it did.
‘Justin what is wrong with you?' I cried feeling the tears coming back not believing this is what it was all coming to ‘why are you acting like you don't care?'
‘Cause I fucking don't get it through your thick head'
‘Pete don't say that please'
‘Why not you are one messed up chick you think you know me'
‘I do'
‘You don't know shit about me you don't have a fucking clue' Justin was shouting in my face and I had to drop my eyes to the floor scared that I actually might think he might hurt me and my mind began to think those thoughts as I stepped back
‘So now you don't want to talk you got no more bull shit to say... well that's a fucking miracle' he walked off throwing a vase on the floor making me jump and scream out loud.
‘What are you doing!?'
‘Anything I want' he shouted junior began crying and I flooded in my own tears, I almost missed when Justin said shut him up. I picked up my baby doing my best to soothe him as Justin continued to shout I didn't have to look up to feel the presence of other people and I instantly knew what was going to happen I rocked Junior harder not wanting him to get any more upset I could see and feel the struggling as the took Justin away. I was frozen and my strength had been drained for me to even try and say something.
Early Morning
I woke up early to the phone ringing only one person knew the number but it was too late for my realization to kick in when I picked it up.
‘Kieele this is my only call you need to come down to the station say it was a misunderstanding, bail me out!' I slammed the phone down. I knew Justin couldn't call anyone else and I did feel a pang of guilt but I made myself a phone call. I was driven to the police station where they were holding Justin I didn't have the butterflies anymore that I used to about walking into a station. I had done it a few times so I knew how to fill out the necessary work. I looked up to see them bringing him over to me. I stood up getting my purse, I glanced over my shoulder then proceeded to walk out.
They were handing Justin his items that they had taken off him.
We met in the hall way and it was just silent so I spoke up ‘I'm going to my parents' I informed him simply
‘Bye then' he answered quickly and nonchalantly like he didn't have a care in the world. I nodded sighing, this was how it was going to be.
‘Don't hang around' he said quietly
‘Trust me I wont' I spat back he smiled rubbing his short hair as we stepped out into the street. He looked left and right on the street and I stared forward at my ride waiting there. My bags were visible in the back and I could see from the corner of my eye Justin stop staring at the car almost not believing that there my things were.
The man was standing on the curb patting Junior
‘Do you want to say bye?' I asked looking over to Justin as I walked to the guy who gave me Junior. I looked over once more to see Justin already walking down the street without a glance back. My knees failed to support me and the driver knew instantly to take Junior as I crawled into the car crying.
See, when I get the strength to leave
You always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak cause I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You can learn to appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change
(never gonna change, never gonna change)
I slung my bag over my shoulder tightly sighing deeply I knocked on the door gently snapping my arm back into my pocket waiting for an answer I looked back behind me and shifted my weight onto my toes then heel. The door opened and I just stared at those deep crystal blue eyes they didn't shine and sparkle they had absolutely no soul or life in them that I would see no matter what situation we were in, in fact they looked too moist and watery.
My heart felt like breaking into two had I really done this to him had I actually caused Justin to maybe shed a few tears that caused his eyes to be red cause its was not alcohol or drugs that had done this there was so much more and God...he looked so damn beautiful. I didn't know what was going to happen our minds had been so full up I tried to block my mind succeeding that my body did the talking. Our lips met halfway and our lips crashed onto each other a long heavy sigh escaping both our mouths greeted more of our sexual frustration and urge to push more and search for other things in our kiss. We were stepping into the middle of the living room neither one of us wanted to stop and look at each other. We kissed a few moments more as our hands shed each other of the clothes we had on. Continuing to let our bodies talk we crashed into chairs broke things bumped into walls only to turn around and head in another direction until we ended up in the bedroom. Our eyes had opened and out intense strong gaze overpowered my mind as I melted into all my good thoughts of Justin and how much he meant to me. Justin laid me down on the bed and tore my blouse open staring at my breast clad in a bra. My hands found themselves on Justin's jeans on his belt which was half unbuckled, I slipped it off as Justin opened my jeans.
Once all artificial attire was removed I pulled Justin into a kiss as he slowly entered inside me. My eyes flew open and tears began cascading down my cheeks. I couldn't hide the tears much longer from Justin.
‘Did I hurt you?' he asked I smiled shaking my head he gave me another sceptical glance then continued I couldn't stop the tears from falling and I couldn't explain to myself why they were falling.
‘Kay say you want me'
‘What' I whispered stuttering
‘Say you want me'
‘I uh..' the tears that had never stopped spilling had ceased falling from my eyelids and he stroked my tear stained cheek.
‘Justin I want you more than anything'
‘I want you too' he whispered kissing my cheek that was now being covered with fresh salty tears.
Baby,
Why you hurt me?
Leave me and desert me
Boy, I gave you all my heart
And all you did was tear it up
Looking out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
This something always hold me back
Author's Chapter Notes:
Ok here it is soo sorry about the confusion.
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