Chapter 7- Can We Work It Out

My eyes opened to see Justin sleeping peacefully. It took my mind a few moments to actually realise why I was lying next to him. I turned over my voice fighting the urge to cry out and groan at the disgust in my situation. But I sensed that I was in an intense situation and it needed to be quiet. I turned over screwing my face up and used my hand to rub it roughly.

I could tell I had made a big mistake, I felt a sudden sickness wash over me and I realized I would actually be sick and it wouldn't go away with a big breath of fresh air. I jumped out of bed and reached out for Justin's robe and wrapped it round me as I swung the bathroom door open being sure to shut it quietly then leaned over the sink. Moments went passed as nothing happened so I leaned up and tried to stand up straight but the vision in the mirror of myself flipped my stomach up and down.

After refreshing up a bit I braced myself relaxing my shoulders closing my eyes and taking a deep big breath before I opened the door finding the bed empty. My body panicked slightly as my getaway was now going to be ruined. I shuffled forward turning to my right to look at the door that was still closed so I turned to look to my left and Justin was standing there with a glass of water. He was leaning on the wall his breathing sort of ragged like he had been running.
‘Thanks' I replied meekly as I took the glass from him taking small sips keeping my head down low avoiding any intense eye contact.

‘You feeling better?' he asked softly in almost a whisper. I nodded refusing to look Justin in the eye, he pushed my fringe- which was long overdue for a cut- away from my eyes and I melted feeling his fingertips on my forehead. I flinched also though, another reaction I had developed from our fight.
Justin felt something wrong and placed a thumb under my chin so I would look him in the eye. His eyes were asking what's wrong from what I could read but I wouldn't read back knowing he would force more and more till I crumbled like a biscuit in his palm..

‘This was a mistake Justin' I whispered moving my head away from his grasp
‘What was?' he asked quickly standing straight away from the wall towering over me.
‘This, us, together' I said waving my hand to the bed then to both of us.
‘Sleeping together?' he questioned
‘Yes I came yesterday to collect things and see if you wanted to say bye properly-‘
‘You said you wanted me yesterday' I needed to lie quickly
‘I did, I do, I was crying too Justin please I'm not doing this I have to go' I turned round as I felt my whole body threatening to just give up and stay with Justin. He was quick though to stand in front of me as I stood by the chair by the window ready to get my clothes. I snapped my eyes up to look at him as he began to speak.
‘Kieele you can't leave' he whispered desperately holding my shoulders I still had that flinching feeling and shook Justin off me as I became angry.
‘Why?! Have you forgotten what happened these couple of days or were you taking drugs?' I cried as I snatched the bra and panties in case he reached them before me and take them.

‘I wasn't taking drugs, I wish I was Kieele cause then you would understand...' his voice trailed off in a whisper as I stopped for a brief moment to listen but as I recognized the soothing tone in his voice I cut him off.
‘No Justin don't do this to me, just don't do this. I've made up my mind, don't try and change that, not this, not after what I've been through I trusted you Jay now I get the strength to leave you-‘ he held my hand and I threw it off.
‘I need you Kay' he begged. I unwrapped the robe slightly to place my bra on looking for my other clothes. When I didn't answer he reached for both my hands only to have me fire up again slightly and stare at him.
‘Don't you wont change' I moved round him as I looked round for my clothes pissing myself off for not placing them somewhere or not planning that this could happen and I would waste time here as I desperately tried to get out quicker.

‘I will baby I acted like I don't care, but I do more than anything'
‘Then why did you treat me so bad Justin you called me everything under the sun, you washed your hands of me. I'm not coming back' I paused regretting the way it came out. I wasn't sure I knew in my head it came out that I wasn't sure but I closed my eyes wishing he couldn't read my voice. I threw his clothes that were on the floor up to find my own.

‘Kieele stop' I heard him say from across the room it was desperate and pathetic and it showed how weak Justin was at the moment but it just made me spark up another anger from inside. I turned round to face him, only to be surprised by his body standing right behind me and I backed instantly into a wall.
‘Justin no you know how I feel about you' I said pushing him away but he just forced his way forward again lowering his head to sort of meet mine, I had my escape route planned and it would work no doubt but my body wouldn't go along with it I just froze slightly my heart anticipating as it's beating doubled.
‘Kay then you know how I feel about you' his thumb and forefinger grazed my cheek then forehead and I noticed out heads were slightly closer than was meant to be allowed. This was wrong, this wasn't meant to happen I'm the weakest female possible, I shook my head as I pushed away from Justin.

‘I don't I'm sorry Justin I don't think I ever had I don't think I ever will' I said stepping away finding my shoes I tutted noticing they were stilettos.
‘Kieele don't leave me don't leave us'
‘Did you just hear me!' I screamed digging the heel into Justin's chest
‘I did and I always do, Kieele but don't kid yourself when you don't know how I feel about you, don't try and deny what you think you know cause most of the time its true' it touched me what he said and the pressure on the heel lightened and I caught a glimpse of the red mark underneath.
‘I thought I didn't know you'
‘You do shit you know me Kieele' he said stressing and I could hear it as he clenched his fists for a moment.
‘I don't believe I do, I think I'm just another one of your women except I got pregnant' I whispered turning round but he was quick to bring me back to face him. He looked mad.
‘Don't you say that, why do you still think that your nothing to me, why do you keep thoughts that what I was like before I might be now?' my shoulders fell after I had shrugged now I felt like the bad one God I'm so weak it's pathetic.

‘Jay what do you think I've been through these couple of days?' I asked but you can't answer a question with another.
‘No why do you keep those thoughts, I've told you, my boys have told, you even my dad when he's not drunk. You're the only one that was there before my ma left and your still here after and you still wanna think you don't know me'

‘I...don't know... oh God Jay, please let me go' I wriggled my wrists free of his grip and I stood there briefly almost hoping he would stop me but when he just stared at me I turned around seeing my jeans on the floor of the hallway. I quickly put them on but I couldn't see my top I walked down to the living room shaking my head as I saw the rest of my clothes on the floor in a small trail.
Placing them on quickly not wanting to waste any more time I couldn't help but to look over my shoulder. Justin stood leaning against the couch just staring watching me, his cheeks had a slight colour of red and his eyes had too been accustomed to red and his eyes looked glossy through my own teary ones. I picked my bag and held onto my shoes as I walked to the door. In all those minutes nothing was said until Justin spoke up his voice hoarse.

‘I'm not losing you Kieele' just that sentence scared me as I could feel my whole body want to just give in and cry and forgive Justin his words hit a spot I thought I had covered up with walls, but as I glanced once more Justin had left his spot and had returned to the bedroom. I ran out of the house quickly.
Taking the stairs I ran down them skipping a few my feet stinging like mad when both my feet landed with a slap on the hard cement floor. I opened the exit doors to the street my eyes even blurred as I looked into the bright sun. I flipped open my phone fed up of trying to do this thing on my own I called for help. I was field with relief when I heard the click when it was answered.
‘Kendall' I cried out crying harder. There was a few moments of silence then came my brothers voice.
‘Kieele what's happened why you crying?' he asked his voice filled with worry

‘Kendall I don't know what to do' I let out still walking
‘Where are you?' he asked I tried to open my eyes but they felt swollen painful and heavy.
‘Walking down the street... ken' I cried again my feet had now gone numb but it still had that uncomfortable tingly feeling.
‘Kieele calm down please sis your scaring me what happened?' I stopped to look at the sky thinking about what had happened.
‘Justin' I whispered closing my eyes I was about to say more but stopped.
‘What happened Kieele talk to me please?' he begged over the phone
‘Its over I walked out'
‘Is that what you want?' he asked softly I sighed feeling more tears flow.
‘No Kendall, God I love him so much but we just keep getting hurt'
‘Wait how did you walk out when did you move in with him?' hearing his surprise would usually make me smile but my emotions didn't even lift.
‘Ken we moved we left Memphis' I told him waiting to hear the questions
‘Why didn't you say?'
‘I... uh' I stuttered
‘Are you in trouble is Justin is trouble?' his voice raised as he asked the questions I wanted to know myself
‘No I don't think so. Fuck I was so stupid why did I sleep with him I was just meant to talk to him'
‘Kieele I cant help you I don't know where you are go back to Justin you cant be walking the streets on your own in this state do you know where your going?'
‘Kendall' I said rolling my head round.
‘No stop being a stubborn ass and go back your going to get hurt'.

I looked up to find me off the curb and in the middle of a street. I looked around to see if I could safely cross and when I couldn't I stepped back quickly only to have a car beep and swerve just miss hitting me. My whole body jumped from the shock making me drop to the floor crying harder. I could hear Kendall calling my name and another voice but it felt so distant. It felt like I was falling in a whole in my own mind and it was blocking everything around me.

I felt two arms pick me up from under my arms and roughly pull me my feet grazed the floor until another hand picked up my legs holding them together. I groaned just wanting to be left alone, I felt my body being put down on some soft slightly wet grass and that was when I opened my eyes to the intense sharp blue ones. He grabbed my chin and cheek when I tried to move my head away to not look at him.

‘What were you doing?' his voice demanded I suddenly felt scared at the angry tone and I sat up slightly to see where I was. I turned to look at the road and images in black and white went through my head picturing myself in the middle of the busy street and it hit me harder than anything that could scare me I had just sat down in the middle of car lanes.

‘Kieele answer me where you going to-‘
‘No I, I don't know Justin take me home' he took hold of my hand firmly lifting me up and we walked back to the apartment. I went straight to the kitchen making myself a coffee alcohol would be ideal in some cases but I needed to be 100% sober. Once I had finished brewing and serving Justin sat down at the table with me. It was quiet for a long time neither one of us knowing what to say, there was me who had sat in a road making it look like I...I. I couldn't even say it in my head.

‘I didn't try and hurt myself' I whispered looking down at my hot coffee too ashamed to look at Justin.
‘Really Kieele cause you just sat in a fucking road' he shouted pounding his fists on the table making me jump.
‘I wouldn't I don't know what I was thinking I'm sorry' his face softened and he looked up to me slowly
‘Kay just don't do something like that' he told me and I nodded, I opened my mouth to say sorry again when he put a hand up to silence me
‘Don't apologise with everything...'
‘Justin'
‘I didn't mean it any of it, I just know what to say that will hurt you same as you to me' I looked up slightly shocked
‘Me'
‘Yeah you must know by now that if you ever say your parents I shit bricks'
‘Why?' I asked tilting my head to the side
‘They are your parents Kay once they get hold of you I wont be able to see you' he explained reaching a hand out to me I looked at it for a few moments then placed mine over his
‘What makes you think that?' I asked still looking at our hands.
‘I just know'
‘How do you know?' I questioned still
‘A hunch' I nodded
‘When are you getting junior?' he asked softly as much as I would want my baby with me now I couldn't.
‘I'm not, not until I know things are going to be okay' I said in a slight blunt tone
‘I see' I sighed softly taking my hands from Justin feeling this was being sorted too quickly.

‘Justin we rushed everything. What I mean before all this it was about Junior, you seeing him, me becoming a mom you a dad, then we made love often I think what I'm trying to say is we didn't know each other that well, it was simple shit talking ‘bout the regular crap, some of it weren't crap do you get what I mean?' I half mumbled the end losing what I was trying to say clearly.

‘Yeah I do Kay so ask me anything' he said stretching out his arms interlocking them behind his head.
‘Come again?' I asked
‘Ask me anything' he said again in a lighter tone like he would answer any question I threw at him.

‘Okay what happened with Whitney, the truth?' his hands just slipped landing on his lap as my question hit him.
‘I told you, she told you'
‘She never or hardly spoke, Jay please' he sighed loudly placing his hands together on the table leaning in.

‘One of the guys went looking for you but you were with me that night and you know when Whitney didn't like his attitude she started running her mouth, he forced his way in found out she was with Danny... Kay we all said we were weren't going to say the whole story'
‘Justin tell me why did you all keep it from me?'
‘He forced Whitney to your balcony threatening to push her over, Whitney managed to push him off and they fought but he got Whitney on the floor that's when he tried it with her'
‘What did he say?' Justin sighed heavily not looking at me
‘Kay'
‘Justin'
‘He said something like bigger guys were going to get to you and do a shit load more and she should give you a heads up cause I was going to break'.
‘What sort of shit load?' I asked my voice slightly breaking into a whisper.
‘Kieele you know what it means' I sat back scratching my forehead not understanding this whole thing still.

‘And we just left. That's not like you guys, what happened after we drove away?'
‘I drove over there on my own, Ray had called the guys after finding me gone... lets just say nothing much happened after they called someone'
‘Who?'
‘Mr brown'
‘Who is that?'
‘Someone you don't mess with'
‘So why did they call him?' I asked briefly looking at Justin's eyes I couldn't look for long I had this shy sudden feeling when he stared back at me.
‘They knew that they would listen to him'
‘Okay but if everything was fine why did we still leave?' I asked still having that pondering thought in my head.
‘He spoke to us outside and told us to go, not because we had anything to worry about just because he knew a lot about us and told us we would have a better life leaving and he would help if needed but Rory and his boys would always be in Memphis and have nothing'

‘How do you know him really, cause I can imagine someone all authorative but he wouldn't be a guy to give a hand cause he likes one group of people'
‘My ma and him went to high school I found out he's been watching me now and then. Have you thought we've been running or shit like that?' Justin asked with a small smirk.

‘Well yeah I knew you were keeping something from me'
‘Only for your safety' he said trying to sound as if he cares all that much.
‘Whatever, who was that chick the other day?' I asked folding my arms still not at all happy with another woman in my house Justin looked hard at me for a few moment then began chuckling
‘What's funny?' I asked not finding it at all amusing and Jay must have noticed as he quickly shut up and began explaining.
‘Like I remember a name, all I did was say a few lines and I got her cooking dinner'
‘Typical' I tutted shaking my head
‘Well you know me' Justin said sounding so full of himself that it had to make you smile.
‘Maybe I do' I replied rolling my eyes.